33 answers

Just Diagnosed with Asperger's

Hi Mommies,

My beautiful almost-four-years-old boy was just diagnosed (today) with Asperger's Syndrome. For those who may be unfamiliar, this is a developmental disorder characterized mainly by poor social interactions. There are other distinguishing traits, but our son doesn't seem to have any of those. He does, however, clearly have trouble socializing (or perhaps simply doesn't care to) with other children.

My question is, do any of you have experience with such a diagnosis, and what did you do to follow through? Did you seek multiple opinions, request special services at school? I guess I'm mainly just reaching out to see if anyone has had a similar experience, as the diagnosis just came today and we aren't sure what to do next.

Finally, please know that we aren't devastated and do not feel that anything horrible has happened. We know that our little boy is going to thrive in so many ways, even if he may never be a social butterfly.

Thanks in advance!

What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

Well, it's way too early for a true "What Happened" update, but I do want to thank everyone from the bottom of my heart for the support, advice, and positive stories of shared experience. Please keep writing - this is obviously a life-long road we're on and we've only just turned down this particular path.

I did talk to the preschool director and made her aware. She will do whatever a specialist recommends for him in terms of making modifications in the classroom. I have also contacted our local school district to start the Child Study Team process and my husband found a semi-local support group for parents of children with Asperger's (ASPEN).

Again, thank you so much for contributing to our positive outlook with your own words of wisdom and expertise. It is truly wonderful to have found such loving women (and one wonderful man!) in this faceless world of cyberspace!

Featured Answers

Hi T.,
I'm so sorry you're going through this. I do not have first-hand experience, and I know what I'm about to say is not the same...but, it could lead you on a new path.

My husband and I have read up on autism quite a bit. My uncle was born mentally handicapped. That and today's autism concerns, led me to look into it. Again, I know asperbergers is not autism.

But, I found a lot of information about there about how diet can greatly affect a child's mental capacity/abilities, etc. Jenny McCarthy has been a very strong, loud voice due to learning about and helping her own son through autism.

She has a website, where you can learn more. I hope that helps!
www.generationrescue.org

1 mom found this helpful

I think it is great that you have such a positive attitude towards this diagnosis. I just wanted to say that i have taught many students with asperger's and they were awesome students and had very fun, dry, whitty, senses of humor. They were often my favorite students. I taught 8th grade and they interacted with the other kids well just differently.

1 mom found this helpful

More Answers

I think it is great that you have such a positive attitude towards this diagnosis. I just wanted to say that i have taught many students with asperger's and they were awesome students and had very fun, dry, whitty, senses of humor. They were often my favorite students. I taught 8th grade and they interacted with the other kids well just differently.

1 mom found this helpful

Hi T.,
When I taught, I had a student who was just being diagnosed (he was 6). I also have two friends who have boys on the Autistic spectrum.
First of all, your approach and attitude to your son's diagnosis is your best asset in helping him! I highly recommend you start researching your area's services. Parents need to be their children's best advocates - and it can be difficult to break through the red tape to even find out what is an option. Every child is different and there is a huge range of services that may or may not benefit your son and your family. Find out about the options that don't even seem to fit him right now - because the more educated in the system you are the better. And keep learning how policies change and what else is new because as your son grows the services will change.
**Additional comment:
Also continue in depth physical/biological exams. Many children on the spectrum have other biological issues - such as digestion/allergies, eczema, etc. A friend just learned that her son who always watched tv sideways, couldn't maintain eye contact, etc. has double vision. This was found by a neurological optomologist - her regular pediatrician said he had 20/20 vision.

1 mom found this helpful

Your son will be fine. I have a son with asperger's and he is such a great kid. We did not get a diagnosis until he was 8 years old, he is 12 now. You are very fortunate to find out so early. There are social skill groups for all ages. Go online to find them in your area. Start reading anything you can get your hands on because the more you understand about how he thinks/feels the easier it will be for both of you. The main thing is you will just have to coach him through different social situations, explaining how to behave, what to expect, etc. Please don't hesitate to contact me. It is very helpful to talk to others in the same situations. Keep in mind that some of the most successful people have Asperger's. (Bill Gate for example) We do have an IEP in place at school which just makes things a lttle easier. Good luck. Everything will be fine!!!

1 mom found this helpful

Hi T.,
I'm so sorry you're going through this. I do not have first-hand experience, and I know what I'm about to say is not the same...but, it could lead you on a new path.

My husband and I have read up on autism quite a bit. My uncle was born mentally handicapped. That and today's autism concerns, led me to look into it. Again, I know asperbergers is not autism.

But, I found a lot of information about there about how diet can greatly affect a child's mental capacity/abilities, etc. Jenny McCarthy has been a very strong, loud voice due to learning about and helping her own son through autism.

She has a website, where you can learn more. I hope that helps!
www.generationrescue.org

1 mom found this helpful

Wow, I don't think I have ever seen such a positive reaction to what would certainly send a lot of us off the deep end.

My older brother, now 39, has Asperger's. If you look back on a lot of the men in our family, it's clear that some of those traits go wayyyy back, with vastly differing circumstances. My granddad was the town pharmacist and a beloved community leader. My uncle is a surgeon, incredibly talented but somewhat awkward to interact with. People seem to ignore the social difficulties the more sucessful the person - almost like they're more willing to think of it as eccentricity associated with intelligence.

My brother's Asperger's is coupled with some pretty severe learning disabilities and a family history of depression, so we all had a pretty complicated time of it when he was growing up, especially him. And especially with bullies, as another mom posted. And all this was a lot tougher in that he was born in 1969 - they had no idea there were any sorts of problems until he was six and started school. (That was around the time I was born, and Mom says he didn't seem to unsettled by the birth of a sibling as he was totally absorbed in the Watergate hearings.) He has only been correctly diagnosed over the past year or so, we got some pretty wacky diagnoses in the past that just didn't fit.

Okay, so this wasn't really the type of response you were looking for.

My sister in law is a theraputic specialist in the fields of Asperger's and Autism. It was through several long conversations with her that I recognized lifelong traits of my brother's as having an uncanny similarity to Asperger's. Obviously she is a big believer in early intervention, as that is her livelihood. She's had some pretty great sucess with her kids, who range in age from 18 mos to five or so.

If I were in your place, and given my family history, that is certainly a possibility, I would go for as much early intervention as you can get. These kids don't learn social cues from other kids spontaneously, and that sets them up for some pretty cruel stuff in school. But they do interact very well with adults, and a caring teacher giving them help with social cues can set them up for an easier time of it when they hit grade school. We would all give our eyeteeth to have been able to help my brother in this way, but alas...

And unlike diagnoses of ADHD, etc., this doesn't involve pharmaceuticals, just occupational therapy, etc., so I figure if they are wrong about the diagnosis, how much can that type of therapy hurt?

Good luck!

1 mom found this helpful

Just yesterday I was researching Autism and EFT. Here's some links I found:
Autism and EFT
http://www.emofree.com/Articles2/autism-improvement-lewis...
http://www.emofree.com/Articles2/autism-horseback-riding.htm
http://www.emofree.com/cases/balance.htm scroll down to last story
http://www.emofree.com/children/underdevelopment.htm not sure if this one is autism.

These children are often overloaded with toxic metals and have chemical sensitivities. A proper diet to avoid further irritation to his brain is crucial. Dairy and gluten tend to make it worse. Zinc deficiency is common since mercury (from thimerisol in some vaccines for one example) blocks zinc uptake.

If you'd like a nutritional consult just fill out the form on my website at the end of the movie or call me:

S. Hoehner
www.sharethecause.com/detoxqueen

1 mom found this helpful

I am also a teacher turned stay-at-home mommy, and loving the transition! Though it's a little hard in September, isn't it? :)

I just wanted to let you know that I've taught 4 wonderful students with Asperger's, all of whom were highly functional and really bright! They were all identified a little later than your son (2nd-5th grades), but were very successful in learning social skills with the support of various specialists in our school. A speech therapist can really help with language (sometimes kids with Asperger's can speak a little louder than they realize, or with less expression), and this can make a huge difference in social situations. Our counselor also helped my students a ton- both by encouraging them to talk about their emotions (often difficult for them to get in touch with), and also to help them role-play appropriate responses to social situations. Both specialists helped my students learn to listen well in conversations- a skill many of us could still use some work on!

One of the biggest challenges I saw was with bullying, and the counseling played a large role in helping these kids respect and stand up for themselves appropriately.

My advice is to keep talking, talking, talking to him! About everything! The more he talks about how he feels, the better. And if possible, get him some counseling now. A really good social worker or therapist, particularly someone with experience along the autism spectrum, can help him learn these skills early!

And just to let you know- I still see all of those kids from time to time. They come visit me (or used to, until I stopped teaching this year), and they are doing so well. All of them!

You're such an awesome mom. Your love for your son shines through in your request. I wish all my students were so lucky.

1 mom found this helpful

I'm by no means an expert, but my little brother has Asperger's (but not a "serious" case). In school, he was teased by the other boys - he wasn't really coordinated enough to run and play games with them, so he was picked on a lot. We attended a VERY small elementary school in Eastern Wa. (his class of third graders had only about 8 students, which was then combined with other levels under one teacher, with different lesson plans.) He THRIVED. He was at the top of his class. We moved across the state where he was put into an elementary school and was one of a class of 30. Suddenly, school counselors were talking about ADD, possible behaviour problems, prescribing drugs...he was at the bottom of his class. he was simply UNABLE to focus with so many people and things going on around him.

My mother tried homeschooling, and that went well, but eventually bowed to pressure from her own family and set out to find a "normal school" for him to attend.

My parents moved him to a private school that, crazily enough, was started by a mother with a son who also had Aspergers. The classes were small, the teachers were patient, and the lessons moved just about as fast as the class of 5-10 students could handle. Again, he was thriving and graduated with good grades at the end of high school.

He attended a smaller, private university, instead of the class-of-300 University. He recently graduated, again, with good grades and now is working as an Engineer in a respected firm.

That's just one story...take it for what it's worth. He's found friends who like him for what he is. He has an amazing sense of humour, he's GREAT at listening. (Sometimes he's simply spaced out, but he can usually talk his way out of that if he gets caught. ;-)) When he reached "dating age", he would carry a small pad of paper and a pencil in his pocket at dances, etc, so he could write down names and descriptions of who he met. He would study those, and look for the girls that had REALLY caught his eye next time. :-)

1 mom found this helpful

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