Juggling a Toddler and a Newborn

Wow, I wasn't going to respond but then I read Karin H. comments.... somebody must be having a bad day.

My kids are only 16 months apart, so it isn't quite the same, but I absolutely loved it! We had issues from time to time, but I had at least 7 straight months of people telling me it was going to be awful and miserable and I wouldn't be able to handle it. Then my precious little girl was born and I couldn't believe how wrong they were. My son either loved or completely ignored his little sister - depending on the day. He entertained himself well while I was breastfeeding, and my daughter was also very patient. I also was on my own because my husband was in Iraq for the first 3 months of our daughter's life.

Have some special books or coloring pages ready for you baby, or put on a movie. After the first week or two you will all be adjusted and it won't be an issue. We didn't have the kids in the same room, but right new door, and they very rarely woke each other up. I think my daughter was used to listening to a screaming toddler before she was even born because it never upset her at all. Make it fun, and I think everyone will adjust well.

Good luck and enjoy the many fun years to come!

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OMG...story of my life. Well, I have a 2yo girl and a 12wk old babygirl. We dont go out...especially with this bad winter weather lately. My toddler wakes the baby constantly...and no matter what I try to distract and/or setup for my 2yo to do whileI breastfeed, she quickly learned how to suddenly "need" me when I couldn't get up and subsequently "brings on" her own meltdown and will sometimes tell me she needs a time out...LOL...seriously....she does crack me up sometimes.

If I had it to do again, I would have had the second baby before my first turned two...like when she was 12mo- 18mo, or WAY after....like when the oldest would be 4.

My 2yo wants to be potty trained...but inevitably has to go on the potty when I am feeding baby and I have to rip baby off my boob, to get to the 2yo just in time to have her pee or poop her pants...which of course upsets her, along with a crying baby inthe background so I get to clean floor, pee pee pants and obtain dry clothes for the crying 2yo all while trying not to lose my mind.

I cry a lot. Its hard....Im not gonna lie...and I am a high energy, highly organized person. I would wait a year or so to get pregs if you can...I would have if I knew how hard it would be on my2yo. She often asks me to "put baby back in the crib" and says "Ugh- Mommy! don't feed her...you just fed her!" My 2 yo also gave up naps......so I get this all day with no breaks. She has learned how to manipulate in many new and different ways....and a meltdown is just a minute away at any given moment.

I know they say terrible twos are from lack of ablity to communicate thoughts...well my 2yo daughter can speak like a 4 or 5 yr old and is an INCREDIBLE communicator...so I am not buying that it's just her age. I do, however, LOVE and ADORE both my girls, and I know one day it will get better.

Hope I didnt scare anyone with my honesty.

Good luck and best wishes.

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Oh...relax. Don't over think it and don't let these other posts scare you. Millions of women have done it for years and the 2 year age gap is probably the most common (for lots of reasons). My kids are 2 1/2 years apart. There are challenges and benefits to every age gap...and honestly...these early years are SO SHORT in the long run. So...you have a year or 2 of some challenging times...is it really a big deal? I am doing it with my husband deployed, and when he was home, he was in training most of the time, so I've done most of "life with 2" on my own. It's not bad. Yes there are some tough days. A lot of it just depends on the kids...my son is and always has been a poor sleeper and eater. My DD was and is a great sleeper and sleeps thru his crying and fussing and my pacing the floor with him at all hours. I haven't slept much in the past couple years, but someday I will be able to and I'd never trade my kids for sleep. We still have money, we still have fun, and although I don't get much time for me...that's fine....someday they won't want me around!
If you feel ready for another...go for it! You can do it. And you'd be giving your kiddo the gift of a sibling (nice when they're close in age as they can play and be interested in similar things).
Good luck!

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my children are 2.5 years apart, I won't scare you to death with the details but my son didn't handle the birth of our daughter well. If you read a previous post of mine, it will give you a recap of last years events!

But I just wanted to say go for it...no matter the age difference, it's still challenging, yet so rewarding. Good luck.

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I have three children, 4, 2, and 8 weeks. So I have dealt with a two year old and a nursing newborn twice. I will be honest. It is not easy in the beginning. I have found that both of my older two had a hard time adjusting and made the first few months difficult. I never had a problem with the baby waking the older ones. They sleep right through any screaming, and the baby will be used to their noise as well during the day!
It is definitely hard to nurse with a two year old because nursing a newborn is time consuming and a full time job. Two year olds are still so needy and they don't want to share you, and while they can understand a little, it is still very confusing for them. My kids were both fairly mild mannered and started to act out quite a bit when the baby came.
Now all that being said, I did it twice, so it couldn't have been all bad! It does get better and now that my older two are 4 and 2, they love to play together and they are so cute together. They also fight and drive each other crazy, but they are best friends and now I like them being close in age, and hopefully as they get older, that will continue!
I don't know if there is a perfect age difference. I am sure there are pros and cons to everything and you just have to do what feels right for your family!!
Best of luck!

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It was hard in the beginning. Mine are 17 months apart. I remember nursing the baby with my toddler sitting at my feet crying for attention. Once the baby started playing with toys, the toddler had a fit which lasted for months. Although, my toddler never woke up in the middle of the night from the baby crying.

Fast forward 5 years and they are the best of friend and at times at each others throats. I think it is really great now, because they always have someone to play with. On the other hand, they also have someone to always cause trouble with :0.

You'll get use to the crazy schedule and learn to go with the flow. Youll have challenges no matter what the age gap. For me, I wanted to have them close and most says I am glad I did.

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My two sons are 22 months apart (they are now 2 years old and 10 months old). It's tough at first, but it's getting much, much easier now that my youngest is old enough to start playing with my older one. I didn't have too much in teh way of jelousey. I think a lot has to do with your child's temperment. My older one has always been a nurturer -- would kiss and hug his friends if they got hurt, would get them ice, etc -- so it was natural I think for him to have a baby around. I did talk to him a lot about the baby while I was pg, and after the baby was born I always tried to take care of him whenever he needed the extra attention. He was very understanding about feeding the baby. I pumped my milk since my youngest didn't take to the breast, and my older one took my pumping bottles and tried to pump too via his belly button. It was hillarious. So we'd "pump" together. All in all, I just tried (and still do) to make my oldest feel secure. We do things together, just him and me, and he loves that, even if it's just going to the supermarket. Now that my younger one is getting older I do the same with him so each gets mommy alone time and daddy alone time. So far it's working.

Sometimes the little one does wake up my older one, and those nights are rough, but it's happening less and less often. I found that letting my older one sleep with us when it happens is what works best for us.

All in all, it's a lot of work, but wonderful work. I wouldn't trade it for anything.

A.

I play with my toddler downstairs while the baby sleeps upstairs, but I try not to tiptoe around her, because we don't want her to be a light sleeper. We also use a noise machine outside their bedrooms, that that keeps her from waking him when she cries at night, too. I've gotten good and getting up and walking over to help my son with something while nursing the baby. I might put her up on my shoulder and burp her while helping him for a minute. The toddler will eventually understand that you're busy nursing the baby and he has to wait if it's not important. But before I sit down to nurse her, I get his snacks and entertainment ready - usually a couple toys, picture book, and food that's not too messy. When we go out, I either use the double stroller or let him walk and hold my hand while I carry her in the wrap or Bjorn. He's getting big enough to climb up into his car seat on his own while I put her in, then I go back and buckle him in.

Those were the days! Enlist the help or your 2 yr old, and you will be amazed to how they will rise to the occassion. Begin fostering independence in the toddler. They can fetch a diaper or a receiving blanket. They can get their own snacks, if need be, if they are at their level. Same with a juice box or cup of water. They may sleep through a baby crying-put them in their room and the baby in another-you can do this!

My kids were 17 mos apart. Yes, at first the baby crying will wake up the toddler and the toddler will likely cry or cry out for one of you as well. He/she will get used to it and understand if you talk about it with him/her. I slept in the same room with my newborn and tried to nurse him when he was stirring rather than waiting until he cried -- that helped.

Also, I would nurse my newborn on a boppy pillow while sitting on the floor reading or the couch and reading/doing puzzles with my toddler. She was AOK with it though I got bored by her choice of re-reading the same book incessantly :) We have a bigger house so I kept my toddler on the lowest level while the baby was sleeping in his room (except when it was the toddler's nap time of course). You feed your toddler on a schedule and work the nursing around it so your toddler isn't cranky and bugging you while you feed the baby. Get a Sit N Stand Double stroller to go out - it acts as a double stroller now and then you can remove the back seat and turn it into a sit n stand when the older one gets a little older. The baby car seat will fit in slots like they normally do with a travel system. I would put the baby car seat in the back of a cart and toddler up front and do some shopping - granted you CANNOT do 2 weeks worth of grocery shopping that way since the car seat takes up so much room in the cart, but it gets you moving and errands run.

Most of all, having them close in age is GREAT once the kids are a little older and the baby starts walking etc. My kids are great friends and play together well at 2 and 3.5. I have another baby on the way and he will be 2.5 years behind his brother -- i wish they were CLOSER together.

Best wishes!

My first two are 20 months apart and my third will be 25 months younger than the second. I think it's a wonderful age gap!! My kids adore each other and, now that my daughter is 20 months herself, they play really well together.
As for the newborn period, we didn't have trouble with the toddler waking the baby up. We live in a townhouse so typically the baby would nap upstairs with the monitor and the toddler and I would play in the living room. At bedtime, the baby was in a bassinet in our room so there was never a problem with waking the toddler during the night (and we had a very fussy second baby).
I did do a lot of breastfeeding on the move so I could meet two needs at once. My toddler was great at reading with us while the baby was eating on playing quietly near by. I did try to make sure he had a cup and/or snack available at those times before I sat down with the baby. My second was born at the beginning of June so we spent a LOT of time outside. The baby was content in her stroller in the shade or in the sling and my son could run around like crazy and have fun.
Going out with two is difficult at the beginning but becomes second nature. Find a baby carrier you like (thebabywearer.com has TONS of recommendations) and use it lot to get things done. I always grocery shopped with my older one in the cart and the baby in the carrier until the baby was old enough to sit. Now we tend towards stores with double seats in the front or the little car carts. Or it works for my son to be in the basket and my daughter in the seat.
The biggest challenge was the period between about 6 mo and 15 mos when my younger was was still taking two naps (she has to be in her crib to sleep) and they didn't always coincide with the older one's one nap. It made getting out to the store difficult but we'd just go super early in the morning or in the evening before dinner. Try your best to coordinate naps early on and you'll have less of an issue here.
Good luck and don't worry. The joy of watching your two interact, hold hands together and snuggle together is worth every minute of the chaos.

Very good questions. I'm sure everyone is different, however, my experience with two boys 2 1/2 years apart is great.

While I was "big pregnant" my little guy would say, "Go away, Mommy... I'm playing." Cool! He was getting into the phase of independent play and wanted to explore his toys on his own. That just meant I didn't need to engage him all the time. I would lay down on the couch and rest for a while. It worked out just fine for me. ;)

As far as keeping quiet... I never got wound up about this one. I figured there was going to be noise and the baby would have to sleep anyway, and guess what? The baby slept through any noise the toddler came up with. Of course, I did try a little to keep things to a dull roar, but I think babies and children in general have a different way of dealing with that... which brings me to your last question... My older boy was never bothered by the baby's crying. They did sleep in different rooms, but it never woke him up. I was shocked sometimes, but he did just fine.

The tantrum throwing is going to happen. What I did to minimize that is to involve the older one in my activities with the baby. I don't know if he understood anything, but I explained everything... just talked as I did whatever I needed to do... explained what I was doing and let him help as was age appropriate. If he didn't want to help, that's fine, too... asking is important... involvement is important. I also let him snuggle right up and watch a movie with me while I was nursing/feeding the baby. He's not going to hurt anything by snuggling up to the baby and you can explain the process that the baby gets milk this way... "isn't that so cool!?"

Have snacks handy - like right next to you in a little canvas bag - ready to give to the toddler. I had a chair set up in the living room that was my "space station" with everything I could think of that I might need right nearby. Including diapers for both the baby and the toddler. It wasn't pretty, but with cute baskets or bags, it didn't look like the mess it could have, either. Make it easy on yourself and don't worry too much.

Going out with two takes a lot more time to get going, but wasn't really a problem for me. I took them everywhere. Grocery shopping, hair salon, church, everywhere. If you let them understand what's expected of them and give them a chance to experience the process/activity, they have a better chance of behaving properly.

My guys are now 6 1/2 and 4. Happily adjusted, great kids. Don't get me wrong, though... lots of frustrations and bumps along the way, but with a little patience and love, it all works out. They fight and scratch, but they also play and love each other dearly.

Best of luck. Children are wonderful. :)

My twins are 22 months older than their sister and I think they handled it much better than a lot of the kids I know who were 3 already when their sibling was born. My boys were kind of like "Oh yeah, its a baby" but were not particularly jealous. They were mildly curious but mostly indifferent at first, then later got more interested. Now the 3 of them play (and fight) like crazy and it is total chaos! But fun. My friends whose older kids were 3 or older got REALLY jealous of the younger kids and very aggressive.

But, it could just be because my older ones are twins and were used to "sharing" parental attention.

I didn't read all the answers but it will also depend on your toddler's personality. If I were feeding the baby and my toddler wanted to play (toddler was 2 yr. 8 months when baby was born) I would tell him that I couldn't right now but will after I was done. Then he'd go and read a book or play by himself. He was very good about entertaining himself when I could not. When the baby napped, I played quiet games w/him and told him not to be loud so she wouldn't wake up. He complied. He was not the jealous type. I did ask him to help a lot too just to keep him involved w/me and the baby. I'd ask him to get a diaper or wipes or whatever was out of my reach when I was holding her. Again, I think it was his easy personality. Also, our baby did not wake our toddler at night. She didn't cry as much as he did at night. As far as going out w/both, I rarely did it. I always made my hubby come w/us! :)

My two are 16 months apart and I wouldn't have it any other way! The first three months were the hardest, but then it just settled down and now at 2 and 3, they are best friends. My biggest challenge every day is prying my 2 year old out of my 3 year olds bed during naptime because they are desperate to stay together! So don't be discouraged. To answer your questions: The biggest challenge is to handle two kids at the same time when they both need you (as in they are both crying, both hungry, etc). My recommendation is to always take care of the older child first (he will remember and the baby won't be any worse for the wear). As for keeping the toddler quiet, that is impossible and will only drive you crazy. Instead, use a white noise machine in the babies room. (I have always used them for both of my boys). As for not being able to take care of your toddler because you are holding baby, Use a sling to hold baby in. I have found the Moby wrap to be the best. You can keep the baby in the wrap and still be able to chase around a 2 year old. Hungry, tired, cranky toddler and you are trying to breastfeed; first of all, plan everything as well as possible. Keep a schedule, try not to let your toddler get tired (be a stickler about naps), hungry (give scheduled meals and snacks), cranky (well, this will happen no matter what, so just deal with it as it comes!). Does a two year old understand, a little but not completely. Start talking about it in advance. Read some picture books about a new baby. Buy a baby doll that you practice holding and talking about. How do you go out with a 2 year old and a baby; you just do. I always looked at it this way, I'm not unique. I'm not the only one with two young children and my life isn't that hard. If women can have quadruplets can make it out so can I! At first I used the Moby wrap a lot. Later I used my Double BOB jogging stroller. It is so much better than the other double strollers out there. And last, no, baby will not wake up 2 year old. They get used to the noise (and if it is a problem, try the white noise machine).
Good luck!

Mine our 20 months apart and there were two main times that I had problems. The first was right in the beginning. My 20 month old didn't understand why I couldn't pick him up for the first six weeks (I had a c-section). I never kept the toddler quiet and the baby just slept through it. At night my older one usually always slept through any noise of the baby. While nursing I did put one of those doorknob covers on the inside of the door to their room and nurse in there. I would then be free to nurse and not have to worry about my toddler getting into anything. He would usually sit next to me and have me read to him. I did get my baby on a schedule pretty early on so that I could plan when he would need to be fed and take care of the toddler's needs before those times came. I also would put the baby down for some play time right after eating and then play with the toddler so he knew that after the baby was fed it was his turn.

My next hardest time was when the baby got too big for the infant carseat but wasn't yet standing and walking. I remember having to take the entire cart into the bathroom while shopping:) Or having my older one pee out on the side of the road while potty training because the baby was sleeping. Fun times but you do what you have to.

My older one did have some adjusting to do once the baby started crawling and then again walking but those times were short lived. Now they are 5.5 and almost 4 and they are each others best friend. I didn't plan to have them so close together but now I am glad I did. It was worth any of the small headaches in the beginning. I hope this helps.

Well my first son is now 3.5 and my baby boy is 1. WOW, I remember that I was going so crazy for like 8 months...like it was overwhelming, crazy, like a roller coaster of emotion. The house was a wreck, the laundry was so backed up, we were eating a lot of things out of a box from the freezer section etc. Now just one year later I look around my house and things are coming back into come semblance of order. The baby is weaned, the dishes are clean, the laundry is...well...whatever, things are ok. So, honestly I don't totally remember all of why it was so hard, maybe I have suffered moderate brain loss, not sure!!, but I do know I got through it, wouldn't trade it, would do it again! So yeah, if you go for it, you might be in for a wild ride, but when your one year old is running behind your 3 year old giggling, it will all be worth it!! Oh one thing I do remember really well, is that my baby has always slept through anything, like a freight train couldn't wake that kid up. I think bc I just couldn't worry about keeping the house quiet, he had to adjust and he did beautifully, so in the end for me the sleep thing was soooooooooo much easier the second time around! Everything else...now that was different story!! I wish you well in your decision making, I say go for it!

It is so worth it!!! Of course, it's hard at he beginning but the closeness in age pays off as soon as the baby starts to walk. My boys are 22 months apart and the best of friends. They are never lonely because they are inseparable which works great for me and allows me to get a few things done. A double stroller is a must, though. It will allow you the freedom of going anywhere with a fully loaded compartment underneath!!! And 2 year olds sleep through everything so don't worry about yours waking up to his baby sibling's cries. Good luck!!!

My son is 2 years and 10 months older than my daughter. The biggest challenge was simply him feeling that his time was being cut into and him looking for trouble at least once a day when I was breastfeeding her. One of his favorite things was to unroll a roll of toilet paper into the toilet then flush it. He knew if I realized he was in the bathroom, I would run to make him stop before he overflowed the toilet. Okay -- ways to balance that -- I read to him while I was feeding her and her naps were his time. Also, she never really got on a schedule like I had with him because we were always going here and there with him. The benefits though are that now (they are 9 and 6) -- they are very close siblings, which often doesn't happen when there is a big age difference.

two babies two years apart means..
no money
no sleep
no time to yourself at all, just going to the bathroom will take an hour of planning
everyone i have talked to has said that trying to breastfeed a newborn with a jealous toddler trying to push,pull or pinch the baby ( or you, by the way), typically takes locking the toddler out of the room, and then praying they dont destroy the room they are locked in.
sounds grim, doesnt it ?
dont do it , unless you have a staff, or a set of earplugs and a referee
K. h.

I think having two children is more difficult than having one child no matter what the age difference :) My twins are two years older than my youngest daughter though, and I can tell you that it really does depend on the child. One of my twins absolutely loved her baby sister from the moment she was born, never complained about having to wait, and is always willing to help. The other one is definitely a little less enamored. It is great having them close in age though. Now that the twins just turned 5 and the youngest is almost 3 they can participate in activities together, play with some of the same friends, and for the time being are all at the same school.

In the beginning, the best advice I received was to totally child-proof at least one room so that when you need to change or nurse the baby you won't have to worry about what the toddler is doing. Keep some special toys or books for nursing time, have a drink and a snack handy in case he needs it. I never had a problem with the older kids waking the baby during naps or at night, but I have to admit her morning naps were usually in the car or in the carrier since you just can't cater to a baby's schedule as well when you have an older child. I think that would be true regardless of the age difference though.

Going out took a little figuring out :) I used a double stroller for the twins and a mei tai style carrier for the baby (that's just what I liked.) I sometimes let the older girls walk and had the baby in a single stroller though, depending on the outing. They were very good about staying with me though. If your toddler is a runner you might be better off going with a double stroller or a stroller/carrier combo.

I think having my kids so close together is wonderful! No, I don't have a staff, a set of earplugs, or a referee, nor did I ever lock my older kids out of the room. Sheesh! Oh, and my husband was in Iraq the first 5 months of the baby's life, so I took care of them on my own. If you want to do it you absolutely can!

Wow lots of questions :) Well for me I love the 2 years age difference. My first 2 are 25 months apart and now I'm pregnant again which will put these next two 26 months apart. So i'll have a 4 year old a 2 year old and an infant. I just thought having an infant with a 2 year old was really easy. a lot easier than I thought it would be. So to answer your questions first you have to remember newborns sleep through anything and anywhere so at first your 2 year old probably won't be waking your infant up at all. As mine got older I got her a sound machine (I actually have one for both girls so they don't wake eachother up) it just makes white noise so they won't wake to other sounds outside their room. Works like a charm :) My toddler also never seemed jealous I just made sure to include her in things. Like asking "what to help give sister a bath?" or "can you get sister a new diaper?" She loved to help and that kept in included. I also just tried to time things well. Like if I new my infant was going to want to nurse around 12 I would just start to make my toddlers lunch about 10 minutes early so she could eat while I nursed the baby. Same for naps. If baby was asleep so I could be put my toddler down great. If she wasn't asleep yet sometimes I just won't put my toddler down until like 1:30 instead of 1:00. just a 1/2 an hour didn't make a difference. And as for going out. I would hold my toddlers hand and carry the infant in the car seat or used a double stroller for both of them. Really it's not so bad so if your ready to get pregnant I say go for it!

I could have never done it! lol! I am soooo thankful to have a 5 year gap! Goodluck to you though... plenty of people do it well and manage somehow to survive!