Joint Legal Custody and Treatment for Teen

I would have to agree with A. A. Have a sit down with your son and tell him your feelings. I had issues with my 14 y/o son as well. I sat him down and we eventually cried together. As it turns out - he said that he loved being grounded because he then had a "schedule" to follow. At 18 he tried the college thing and could not hack all of the "free" time and no one to push the homework. At 19 he joined the Marines. He misses his friends, but seems to have more of a purpose in life now.

Sit down with your son - then make a decision. Additional help may be needed, but at least your son will know why and that you care deeply for him to be a good person in life and not waste the life he was given.

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My mother went through a similar situation with my brother along time ago. What she did was family couseling with him. This helped him express his feelings and she was able to find out why he would act the way he did. Maybe this is something you might want to look into. Also, I believe your ex would be able to pull him out of treatment. Best of luck to you!!!

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If you and your ex can agree on a treatment program together that would be ideal. If this is not possible than I would consult a lawyer.My mother went through the same thing with my brothers. Once in treatment my father didn't really care anyway so he did not interfere. Treatment was the best option for my 2 brothers or they might not be here today. I find that my alcoholic, depressed father really didn't want to be involved anyway. I hope all goes well and good luck!!

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I am thinking that your ex could pull him out he has the joint legal custoday to do so . I would just kinda keep it a secret or something. You have to help your son. I give you props for stepping in good parenting.

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I have worked at a tx facility for youth (ages 10-18) for the past 9 1/2 years...my guess is that if you share legal custody that he could decide to remove your child from any voluntary placement but I guess I am not totally sure as I've never run into this exact issue...maybe consult a legal website? You could look into pursuing your child being court ordered to a tx program...then dad could not remove him without violating a court order and getting into legal trouble if he did...not sure if your family is involved in your county social services system at this point to help facilitate this...it may be worth a call...Sorry this is not very definitive...I hope all turns out well for you.

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Do you have full physical placement?? i would call a lawyer and get one of the free first visits... Find out all you can on the free consultation, then make your decision... Most lawyers have the free initial consultation, take advantage of it.... Good luck, A.

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One way of getting him treatment is to have him arrested. It's tough love but it's better than him drinking and driving and killing himself or someone else. You could probably talk to a police officer or something and find out what they do with underage drinkers or drug users first. I wouldn't worry about ruining his record because at this rate he's on the path to one heck of a record all on his own. It's better for him to be arrested at 14 than at 18 when it's permanent.
If the Judge puts him in treatment there isn't much your ex can do about that. Except maybe learn how to be a better example for his kids.
Good luck to you,
J.

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There are many helpful treatment programs out there, but there are also many that just babysit. I worked at a residential unlocked treatmant and counseling center for teenage males for 5 years and that opened my eyes to the facilities that do not help. There is a lot of legal hoops yo have to jump through if your child doen not have a record. It also depends on the county you live in. The whole process is a lot for a parent alone to deal with. This may be obvious, but have you just sat down and listened to your son. He's acting out for a reason and sometimes it's not why you think it is. He is your son and you know him more than anyone else. Trust yourself. If you want my personal opinion about facilities feel free to contact me. Sick with him, he needs you now more than ever.

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WOW! Your son sounds alot like I was at his age. I even got suspended from school for being drunk at school. My father is/was an alcholic and drug user and ignored me a lot even when during visitation. And I had rejection issues with my mother as well.

Someone advised to go to counselling. I highly encourage it as well. But I suggest that he goes by himself first to develop a trust with the counsellor. He may be having problems that he doesn't feel he can tell you but he does need to get it out. I know I didn't want my parents to know of my anger with them. I felt that they already rejected me as I was but they would moreso if they knew I was angry with them. Does that make sense??

Good luck! If you have questions, feel free to contact me.

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I'm not sure about your question, I do know that legal custody only allows the parent to be part of major decisions like medical and schooling issues. Since your son would probably have schooling as a part of his residential treatment, your ex may have some ground to stand on. I would talk to a legal professional or look up the way the law is written and re-read your own personal custody agreement. The other thing you can do is let your chosen facility know about your concerns and ask them to notify you if your ex shows up.

I know you didn't really ask for further advise, so excuse me if this is out of place. I do not have teenagers, my daughters are 2 and 4. I do however, remember the anguish it is to be a teen and I was in a residential treatment facility when I was 15.

It was the best thing that could've happened, going there. A lot of the staff were wonderful, caring people who befriended me. Some of the staff were power hungry jerks, these were the people I learned the most from. I learned how to comunicate with difficult people. I learned how to avoid acting like a difficult person.

All of that aside, the one thing I wish I had gotten from my parent(s) was a heart to heart before I left. I wish they had talked to me just once on an even level, with out them acting as an authority figure. If they could've taken me aside and said how they felt, I wouldn't have felt betrayed. They should have told me they were scared, that I only had one chance to live my life, that they truely couldn't control a damn thing I did and it was all up to me, everything, who I was, what I did, how I felt.

If I had heard all that from them, then, I think it would've been easier for me to heal and change.

There is hope, though, I have a wonderful relationship with my folks now (I'm 24). I tell them everything, they are proud of me as a parent and as a person. I'm sure you and your son will be able to come through this stronger and I hope whatever input your ex has is positive. Good luck!

Hi A.,

Do you have a gospel-preaching church in Hastings you can take your son to? Many times there are young people his age that he can form healthy friendships with and who will reach out to him. At least look up "independent Baptist" in your yellow pages and and email me back what you come up with. We have Christian friends here in Augusta who used to live for several years in Prescott...they would know a good place to go. Let me know what you find in the yellow pages first, okay?

Often those treatment centers just give a son a complex and /or lets him live with and pickup the attitudes of others just like him. Multiplies the problem many times. He needs to be enjoying the very purpose God gave all of us to live...John 17:3 "to know God".

My 25 year old daughter does, 24 year old son does, 22 year old daughter does, 19 year old daughter isn't (but we pray she will), 17 year old son does, 15 year old son enjoys being with believers, 12 year old daughter does....etc. I know what a body of believers consistently attended can do for young people.

I encourage you....there's answers in the best manual in the world - the Bible. The whole book of Proverbs is specifically written to young people...actually it was written from parents to their son to instruct him how to live his everyday life. We go through that book verse by verse on Tuesday nights (unless we have a guest speaker) and it's been good for me at the age of 50 too.

Let me know what you find in the yellow pages.

this is something you need to talk to a lawyer abt. i think if you put your son in you could prob explain the situation and tell them not to release him to the father

no not if you have full custody.but ive heard of junior marines thing.i guess its like a program for troubled teens and its run by marines.i heard of a teenage boy going there and starting to straiten out.id hate to make him more defient.trust me i have a 14 year old daughter whos very mouthy and she gets me mad alot.A.:)