Joint Baby Shower

Updated on April 29, 2014
P.B. asks from Oklahoma City, OK
16 answers

My friends are hosting a joint baby shower for my daughter and daughter-in-law. Some of the invitees know both girls and will probably bring a gift to each one. However, others may only know one or the other girl. I would like the hostesses to include a message with the invitations that tactfully says not feel obligated to bring 2 gifts if the invitee only knows one of the girls. Any suggestions on how to appropriately state this without sounding tacky. I would appreciate some opinions on this matter. Thanks from a very grateful grand-ma to be.

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J.M.

answers from Boston on

I would mention both. It would be weird to get an invite to get an invite then show up w 2 mamas there.

5 moms found this helpful
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Z.B.

answers from Toledo on

I agree with Wild Woman. I've been to and hosted several joint celebrations, and generally speaking, guests either just bring a gift for the person they know or bring a small gift for the person they do not know.

I would simply send everyone the same invitation, as I would not want to be invited to what I thought was a baby shower for just one mom and not know it's for two moms until the actually party. I would be embarrassed if I found that out when I walked in.

4 moms found this helpful

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S.S.

answers from Chicago on

If this shower is for your daughter and daughter in law given by your friends I would invite only family that knows both girls. This is a recipe for someone's feelings to be hurt. What if one girl gets massive amount of stuff other gets little. Why are you doing them together? They each deserve their own shower. I know this is not your question but it is something to think about.

5 moms found this helpful

C.O.

answers from Washington DC on

Welcome to mamapedia!!

I've been to several joint baby showers. It just made sense since the babies were due right about the same time and many mutual friends.

The invites were typical baby shower invites that stated "we are celebrating the upcoming births of our mutual friends, Joan and Jill." No one felt obligated to purchase for both. Some did but it was a small token gift like bottles or pacifiers.....

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O.O.

answers from Los Angeles on

Been to a few of these.
Generally speaking, you invite the guest for the person they know--no mention of the "other" guest of honor.
If they are family and know both--they get invited for both.
I think you need three versions of the invitation: Mary, Susan and Mary and Susan.

4 moms found this helpful

S.T.

answers from Washington DC on

eeeEEEeeeeEEEEeeeeeeEEE!!!
my worst nightmare!
:D
i think it would be weird to think i was only showing up to endure one shower, and then find out that there were actually two honorees. and i would find it odd to go to a shower without a gift for the honorees, so i myself would bring a 'main' gift for the girl i knew and a smaller more generic one for the girl i didn't.
i really dislike invitations that tell me what to buy (unless it's one of those things where 'donations to __ in lieu of gift' are the case) so i can't think of any way of being tactful, even though your heart is in the right place by letting folks off the hook.
:) khairete
S.

3 moms found this helpful
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K.C.

answers from Los Angeles on

You need to create three different invitations. One for your daughter's friends, another for your daughter in law's friends, and a third for the guests included on both lists. Putting both girls on one invitation will make the guests feel obligated to bring something even for the one they don't know.

I have been to a couple of birthday parties like this and didn't know they were joint parties until we arrived. It was so much nicer than feeling awkward about whether or not to get a gift for the kid we didn't know.

3 moms found this helpful
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A.V.

answers from Washington DC on

A while back, someone had a similar issue about a birthday party and the suggestion was to send a different invite to those who only knew one or the other guest. Or you might say "A joint baby shower is being held on x date. Jane and Jim's baby registry can be found at" and do the opposite for those that only know the other couple.

3 moms found this helpful

S.A.

answers from Chicago on

I've been to birthday parties like this. One friend of mine always has a joint party for both of her sons, plus her niece because they all have July birthdays. To prevent people from feeling obligated to buy for all three, she just sends separate invites to each of her sons' friends and her sister sends her own for her child.

1 mom found this helpful
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G.T.

answers from Rochester on

Put on the invitations that it's a joint shower for 2 mom's to be and let the guest decide if they want to bring gifts for both of them or not. I think most people will bring for both.

BTW Some posters have mentioned that they have combined birthday parties for their kids. I did the same thing for my girls. But my girls are twins. Yes, there were some friends invited that only knew one twin and not the other, but they usually brought gifts for both anyway.

1 mom found this helpful
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M.D.

answers from Pittsburgh on

Congratulations!!
I do joint birthday parties for my children each year. At the first party I put only the name of the child that family was "invited for" on their invitation. Many of the guests felt awful when they arrived and did not have a gift for the other child, even though many of them were not close to the other child or didn't know the other child. So I say definitely one invitation with both names on it.
I would word it something to the effect of "Molly & Sarah" are sharing a Baby Shower. Baby Jones Due 7-14-14 & Baby Smith Due 7-29-14.
Then add Baby _Smith_ (last name of the mom they know)
would love for you to join them.
That way the information of two mom's is known and implies they can bring a gift for just for the mom they know.
Just an idea :-)

1 mom found this helpful

L.M.

answers from Dover on

Personally I would suggest three different invitations. One for your daughter's shower, one for your DIL's shower, and a different one for those that know and are attending for both. They can all be basically the same but specify which one or both the shower is for.

1 mom found this helpful
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J.K.

answers from Wausau on

Have 3 invitations - one for Mom A's guests, one for Mom B's guests, and one for the guests that know both Moms A+B.

1 mom found this helpful

M.D.

answers from Washington DC on

Last year we hosted a combined party for our three children and had 4 different invitations. Each kid had their own that stated we were having a party for all 3 kids, but the person getting the invite was invited to help child 1, 2, or 3 celebrate (so they didn't think they had to buy for all 3). Close family friends and family got one for all 3 kids...some peolpe who got the invite for just one kid brought gifts for all 3 anyways. Maybe something like that could work...

1 mom found this helpful
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G.B.

answers from Oklahoma City on

I'd feel obligated to buy for both. By pointing out there are 2 expecting ladies that are getting gifts even more I'd feel pressured to buy for both.

I'd include the information for both so that if someone felt like buying for both but wanted to get the one they didn't know something they could pick something inexpensive. Like a package of diapers or some wipes or baby bath.

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S.B.

answers from Dallas on

Congratulations on your new grand babies- what an exciting time. I would rather know that their was a celebration for both than just for one. Then I could decide what to bring. I would probably bring a gift for both then show up empty handed for the other honoree. In this case, the second honoree is a relative of my friend that is being hosted, so that is a closer relationship that just going to a shower for 2 people being hosted at the same time. i don't know how you could word that, unless you hand wrote on the invite - (Name of daughter) hopes you will be able to come to her shower.

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