Joggling an Infant and Preschooler

My 1st was 15 months old when my second was born. I felt the same way you do! I promise it gets easier!! They are the best of friends now! I got my oldest involved as much as possible and my husband was a HUGE help. When people offer to help, don't feel guilty for taking it! It does get better! I promise!!

Hi P.,
I have two girls who are now 3 1/2 and 1. Emily was 2 1/2 when Bailey was born. What I did was something special each morning with Emily (bringing the baby in her stroller or carrier), tending to Bailey as she needed me; then we'd have lunch and they'd both go down for a nap. During nap time I would clean one room and then take a nap myself until one of them woke up. It was hard at first but soon I got into a routine and now we still have a similar pattern (except that E. doesn't nap any more but she does have "quiet time" for an hour in her room). I made myself a schedule of cleaning so that every week the whole house gets done: Monday-change sheets, dust bedrooms; Tuesday-vacuum; Wednesday-dust family room; Thursday-bathrooms; Friday-kitchen; Saturday-dust dining room and guest room, vacuum again; Sunday-none specified, just whatever needs done. I do laundry every day, putting a load in first thing in the morning and usually folding it at night after the girls go to bed.

When you are feeding the baby that is a prime time to sit on the couch and read a book to your older one if he'll sit with you. I also would put on a favorite show (Dora was always a winner) and watch it with her.

I sent Emily to preschool this year for 2 days a week from 9-12 and that was great but honestly it was a lot less time than it sounds like since I had to drive back and forth 4 times each day. That really ate into my time with Bailey and to clean or do errands. However, she loved it and if you can afford it that is a good option.

Probably the BEST thing I have done for my preschooler is join a moms' group. We have both made lots of friends and it is no problem to bring the baby along to whatever activity we are going to do. You don't say where you live but if you are in the Sanford/Lake Mary/Longwood area please e-mail me and I will give you more info about the group I am in. It is super cheap (only $10/year) and it is SO much fun for all of us.

Good luck; it is stressful in the beginning but I promise you will find a routine that works for you and things will go smoothly.
J. :)

Have the pre-schooler do chores for you to take care of the infant. Explain that's what you did for him/her...Keep him active getting diapers, washcloths and towels for bath time, get you a glass of water if you are nursing, get the bottle if bottle feeding, just get the kid involved in the caretaking. You need some assistance, and any small chore/favor is appreciated. He/she can even take towels out of the dryer and learn to fold them. These are simple lessons for a child to achieve; and express your gratitude. This builds self-esteem. Happy Mother's Day, dear.

Hang in there. At the 3 month point something happens (maybe more sleep) and it just seems easier, like it has always been that way and everything starts to get better.

There is no magic solution. Just accept that we are not the superwomen we make ourselves believe we need to be today. Do the best you can and all will be well. Its starts all coming together around the one year point.

Girl we are in the same boat. I have a 3 1/2 yr old girl and a 3 month old boy. One thing we did is we signed my daughter up for soceer. She goes every Sunday and it's her special one on one time with her daddy or myself. During the week it's really hard cause I work also, but on the weekends I try and do a craft or set up a playdate for her. Hope this helps or at least makes you feel like you're not alone.
Cathy V

A couple of ideas. I had twins when my oldest was 3 so I had to be pretty creative with my time! lol

I agree with the baby sling, I used heart to heart sling and the maya wrap which were both very comfortable and life savers because I could spend that closeness time with the babies and do household stuff also. I also had a small reclining seat that sits on the floor (sorry I can't think of the name) for the babies and I would have them in the kitchen with me while I did dishes, or cook, etc. They have them in all the baby stores and they don't take up too much space, they usually have a vibrating feature on it also. Then I would sing or talk to them.

Also you can make a schedule with pictures for him showing the days plans. Maybe a time to clean up together. So you can get two things done at once. At that age my son loved to help (wish he still did :>). Then when the baby is taking a nap, you have one on one time with him, where you focus just on him. Lots of eye contact and hugs and whatever he wants to do with you or plan a special activity/project. Make sure that it is on the schedule with maybe a picture of you and him together and call it mommy & me time. Then during the day or whenever he seems clingy or sad you can say thank you for being such a big boy and understanding your brother needs alot of my time since he is still so little I can't wait until our special time together later. Also make him your special helper with getting pampers, wipees, etc. Just think quality over quantity. If you have time (hahaha) there's this book that I just finished reading called the 5 love languages of children which talk about how to do things in a way that your child feels loved. Some kids prefer quality time or hugs or words of affirmation,etc more. Not to write the whole book here but it shows you how to get to make sure they are feeling the most loved possible by making sure you say I love you in "their language".

Good luck to you and most important just do your best, a guilty mom is not a happy mom :>

A.

I have a 3 1/2 year old and a 5 month old and I felt the same way too. When I'm nursing the baby, I'll have the older one sit with me and we'll read a story or watch a Disney movie together. Also, when the baby is napping, I'll color or do whatever she wants to do with her during that time. I have also decided now to take a couple of hours a week or every two weeks to have just mommy and big sister time and daddy can watch the baby.
I have also explained to Big Sister that baby can't do anything for herself and that's why mommy spends so much time with her and doing things for her and she understands. I'm also constantly telling her that I don't love her any less now that baby has come. Now, she repeats this to me when I'm busy with the baby and she's okay with it! Good Luck! It'll work out. God bless your family.

You can also wear baby in a sling while you are playing, coloring, etc with your 3 year old. Take 5 minutes when the baby goes to sleep and read a short book. My son would sit in the kitchen with me and color while I was doing the dishes. I also just had to put alot of the housework on the back burner while the kids were awake. The laundry will keep till after their bedtime. They are more important to me than a tidy house!

Hello!

I understand the difficulties involved in the balancing act involved in doing all that you can for your children.

I used to take a few approaches: While holding my infant, I picked simple, colorful books to read to my toddler and pointed out the bright colors and shapes to my infant. I also got some large piece puzzles or even coloring books that my toddler could do, and I could help her with, while giving my infant attention. It got my toddler used to independent play, while still getting attention and involvment from me.

You may also want to consider hiring a babysitter one or two days a week for a couple of hours so that you and your children can plan and look forward to "special time" that is set aside for them. It gives them something to look forward to and can help with behavior incentives. One day, the sitter could spend time doing active things that you find difficult with a small baby, while you are getting special time with your infant. The next time the sitter comes, you could have them spend time with your infant while getting special time with your toddler.

Also, don't forget about getting adult time for yourself. It helps to get you through the stress involved with balancing it all, so that you feel more relaxed with them.

If you don't have a sitter or don't know how to find one you feel great about - try The Babysitter Tree. You can give them your "wish list" of credentials, review their information, interview anyone you choose, check their backgrounds, references and credentials, and negotiate their pay, hours, and duties. They come to you - so it is very convenient. You can find their information at www.thebabysittertree.com or call ###-###-####.

Have fun and don't worry - you'll find the way that works best for your family!

I just want to say... Welcome to Motherhood! What mother does not have guilt when the second ones comes along? i had major guilt my whole second pergnancy. So worried that my still a baby girl would be getting the short end when the new baby came and then feeling guilty because he baby would not get as much attention as the first one did. Somehow we do it. My girls are 2 years and 6 days apart.

The 2 month old won't remember you putting him down for 30 mintutes to play a game with the 3 year old. Your 3 year old quite possibly will.

P.,

As a mother to 3 boys I can tell you there is not an easy fix to this one. However, this is how I handled this one. When my last son was born my second son was almost 3. What I would do when the baby would sleep is I would sit down and play with the toddler for as long as the baby slept. Then when then went down for their naps at the same time I would do as much housework as I possibly could squeeze in then. You would be surprised as how much you could get done in 2 to 3 hours time, depending on how long they sleep. Then eventually things got a little easier, things just started becoming routine and adjusted into a normal way of life and you just figure out how to do it.

Good luck.

S.
36 y/o SAHM of 3 boys
14, 6 and 4

Hi P.,
I have a 2 mo old daughter and a 4 yo son. My son is fine, he is a very independent kid and enjoys entertaining himself. Every single morning though I take him to the park and we stay for an hour more or less. While the baby is napping I try and read to him, or sit with him and have him play on his computer some educational games. Then he goes down for his nap, and that is when I try and do a little housework. If you do a little bit of everything throughout the day, it does not seem overwhelming. Have your son clean up before you leave the house and before bedtime. My son is very good at putting his toys away. I also am a fulltime student, so I have little gaps throughout the day that I devote to studying.

I think this also has a lot to do with the temperament of both your kids. Is the baby colicky/needs to be held all the time? on top of your son requesting attention? This can be stressful too. Is DH helping with the kids/housework also?

Good Luck. It may be hard now, but it will get easier.

Play with your 3 year old while the baby is sleeping. Ask the 3 year old to help you with housework and baby-duty.

My son and daughter (three and 21 months) both LOVE to help around the house. I give them a duster or rag and they have at it. They'll even push the swiffer duster around.

I'm in the same boat. Only my oldest child is 26 months and my youngest is 10 weeks. It is hard the first month, especially if your breast feeding. It gets a little better. I'm actually considering sending my oldest to day care 2 to 3 days a week so that way she could spend time with kids her age and doing some activities.
Currently, I'm going to the park and taking walks with both children. I'm also going to join a mommy's group so that way I can interact with other mommy's and my daughter can interact with other children.
I too struggle with the guilt of not being able to spend more time with her. Good luck.

I am still trying to figure that out with a 4 year old, a 22 month old, and a 7 month old. My son (4 yr old) is about to start preschool and I am trying to figure out how to juggle all 3 kids and car seats, not to mention the housework. Luckily, my 4 yr old, and 22 month old like to help out a little. Though some days they try to help out too much. Good luck!

Have you ever considered an extra set of helping hands.
http://aupaircare.com/