*JFF: Would You like It If in Laws Were Going to Be Houseguests for Three Weeks?

I would not be the maid, they would be expected to keep clean after themselves and also do some cooking and dishes. They are family, not some visiting dignitary that you are putting up for the community. Hubby needs to take some vacation time too, they are his parents and he needs to do the entertaining.

I'd have to be heavily medicated to deal with what you have to go thru.

I'd take my in-laws in a second. It's my PARENTS that I wouldn't be able to handle for more than three MINUTES. I soooooo lucked out with my in-laws--they rock.

lol uhg i'm glad i'm not you. My mil packed her bags after 3 days in my home and called a cab to come get her once, bc i gave her a dirty look.... ? Shes a b!t@@.

You recaulked the shower!!! You already rock. Everything else from here on out is bonus.

And quite frankly... how much worse can it get? I mean, you could probably dance naked through the house and your MIL would just nod and say she's not surprised... so? Everything better than dancing naked just will make her (via your SIL) have to work harder to find fault. :) :) :) And you know if she has to work for it... you're winning.

Wanna know a secret? Do you know what annoys pitnicky people no end? Brunch. <evil chuckle> Brunch has this "put togetherness" that although they may gripe (and I've known sooooo many) there's this "pause" where they just blink blink and pretend not to be impressed. I'm dead serious. Brunch every day. ((Oh, I don't eat this, Oh I don't eat that... but when they go home... there's no way to spin it badly. Even the WORST that can be said is "No wonder she's so fat, she makes brunch every day!" -This is about me, since I'm twice the woman I used to be-. And MIL will get the news BRUNCH EVERY DAY??? It's a low blow. And it's one I revel in when I have to deal with nitpicky people... because It's all stepfordy...but Not. Eeeeeeevil leetle me. Hehehe. Because it's CHEATING easy, and it doesn't matter what any other meal of the day is... when brunch is on the table and all pretty in the morning. It's the first thing they see. Which is a hard image for people to lose. Fabulous dinners get forgotten as people sleep, but the image of the table with brunch every morning sticks with them all day and grinds the image in.

Bowl of fresh fruit on the table
Bowl of muffins or croissants on the table
Pitcher of milk
Pitcher of OJ
((it's worth the $20 to go buy 2 pitchers for the fridge just for their visit, and never serve out of the carton. Open a carton, dump it in a pitcher, replace in fridge.))
Cheater Brunch du Jour.

Cheater... because 90% can be cooked ahead of time and frozen (or plain old bought frozen). Defrost in the fridge overnight, and heat up in the oven on your way to pee. A little razzle dazzle right before you serve it (replate on a fancy dish instead of the tinfoil thing you froze and reheated it in and sprinkle of fresh parsely over an egg casserole, grate some fresh parm over tomatoes, dust some cinammon over challah french toast or normal french toast, dust some powdered sugar over cinnamon rolls, etc.), bacon and sausage without a house dripping in oil (cook ahead in large quantity and freeze) and it looks like WonderWoman spent all morning cooking... when really, you were mainlining caffeine and convincing yourself in the bathroom mirror not to commit various kinds of homicide) while the breakfast reheats in the oven. And leftovers, if they're nibblers, refreeze usually just as nice the 2nd time as the 1st!

HIDE the fruit and muffins/croissants if possible for Shazam! factor... OR leave out for 'snacking' and just direct folks to the table when they ask for snacks. Depends on their level of annoyance.

((And brunch means no lunch. Granted, if they N.EU they probably take tea... but we'll just ignore that and focus on not needing to do a whole meal 3x per day))

Something else you may forget living on Oahu, is how nice it is at NIGHT (esp if your inlaws are northern european, I'm making a large assumption, they may be Mediterranean or spanish and used to warm nights being the time when you'er out and about the most). A lot a lot a lot of the sites can be "seen" at night, and Waikiki is touristville... all brightly lit and full of music. AKA HUBBY CAN TAKE THEM!!! ((Ahem... because, after all, your young ones need you to put them to be. Cough. Ahem.))

If MY inlaws were coming for THREE WEEKS and staying with us (in our 2 bedroom house)? I think I'd run away from home! It's not that they are terrible people, or that I hate them, or anything of that sort...

It's that *I* feel uncomfortable around them. Like I have to preform or something. They are not warm or open, and they love our kids but have little respect for my husband and I. There is a lot of history there, between my husband and them. I come from a warm, open, crazy family. So it is VERY different for me. I can say and be anything around my folks, on both my mom's and dad's side. If we argue (which we do) it is big and loud - and then over. We don't carry around silent grudges or judgement, it's all out on the table (not as true of my step parents, on either side).

On my husband's side, there are skeletons in the closet, and conversations in hushed tones, and sideways looks, and awkward silences. It feels murky and tense. I find it PAINFULLY uncomfortable. It's not better or worse, in fact, I think many would have an easier time dealing with his family than mine. It's just different and I don't know how to be, because when I'm myself, I get raised eyebrows and closed armed stances.

I'm just a few hundred miles away from your home, visiting my dad. ((Can you see me? I'm waving to you!)) Also a difficult trip, but for different reasons. The beach has been our refuge. We've spent hours and hours each day, with our feet in the sand, looking out at the water, being calm - or rough housing and laughing. I'd have gone crazy if I hadn't been able to take the kids into the sun, look out, and just let it go into the wind.

Could you do that? Could you take them to places that you love, where you can escape and be at peace, or where you could walk five paces behind and let your mind relax?

Wishing you luck, dear lady.

You have my condolences.
Good luck :)

I think pretty much any guest would annoy me after 3 weeks. I love my MIL, but there's a reason that we have our own sleeping quarters if we do a "everybody go HERE this summer" vacation. If it were my BIL, I think he and DH would maim each other before the end of week 1. The last time we visited BIL, DH was trying to figure out how much it would cost to fly home early about 4 days in.

I would also keep myself busy. You know them by now and you know that they're going to have little good to say anyway, so get out now and then or just go on with your days and let the kids invite friends over. Maybe good for the tween to have other kids around. Or hand them some tour brochures and point them toward activities.

Do you have time for Rosetta Stone? Friend of mine used to be really insulted by her MIL who would drop into Greek when she didn't want Friend to hear something. Friend kept the news that she was learning Greek to herself. When MIL finally said something that put Friend over the edge, Friend replied...in Greek. Friend said it may not have been her best moment, but the look on MIL's face was priceless.

Okay so since your hands are tied, here's what you are going to do:
-you are going to give yourself 15 mins every day to wallow in self pity
and rightfully so. (I understand that it will be hard but like the song says
"You Will Survive"....meant to be funny :)
-you will buy yourself some small trinket to make you feel good ($5
earrings a the drugstore if it must be). :)
-you will get through this- is your mantra
- look at the funnies in the paper every day or turn on the comedy channel
-you will talk yourself down like this: "It's going to be okay. It's not that bad
Things could be worse." etc.
-you will call a friend when it gets to be too much
- you will get on Mamapedia just to make your day better & to smile
- you will have a better day
- you will take deep breaths & count to 5 every single time it is necessary
- put a post it note on your bathroom mirror that says "smile". It should
make you smile just by seeing it.
- you will not hyperventilate in anticipation of this visit
- you tell yourself it is always worse in your head. It will be better than you
imagine
-If you must entertain them while hubby is at work, you make it fit YOUR
needs. Go somewhere every other day or every 3rd day.
-Disregard any comments about weight
- Make a fun dinner that YOU love
- Treat yourself to a magazine etc
Get my drift? Find ways to stay "afloat" and you will!
You will be okay!

So sorry for you!
Vent as needed!

I see nothing 'JFF' about the idea of my in-laws staying in my house for 3 WEEKS!

Clearly you must've been some kind of mass murderer in another life to be required to endure this kind of torture!

Really, you have my deepest sympathies, and my prayers girl.

;{

Oh, I am so sorry. i have terrible inlaws as well (from abroad as well) and it's AWFUL when they come. They NEVER tell me what they want to do, so I have to guess and it's always wrong and they complain the whole time -- in a terrible passive aggressive way!

I second the brunch idea. Also, I would have an "appointment" almost every day -- to volunteer at my kids' school, for a committee meeting, to visit a sick friend, a doctor's appointment, etc. and always offer to drop them off on my way... to get them out of the house in case you want to go back there and... rest :) I would make sure my husband took them out to dinner/a night show in waikiki at least once a week, and drag them to all the kids events :) if all else fails, throw your back out or get the 48 hour flu :)

my parents once came for 8 weeks-- OMG it almost killed me! dad is fine, mom is CRAZY. i actually signed them up to volunteer at my daughters' school... and my mom goes "I feel like you are trying to get rid of me." ummmm... yah. i went to bed early a lot and then read and relaxed until i was really ready to go to bed.

hang in there-- 3 weeks is a long time but it is not forever-- you will survive.

good luck

J.

At least they don't say "oh, you've GAINED weight!" :o) lol

Honestly, if my inlaws came for 3 weeks I'd be fine.....because Idl have made myself a dentist appt, doc appt, scheduled to have the oil changed and tires rotated on the van, volunteered to clean my sister's toilets and a great number of other errands to keep me busy and out of the house.

Hang in there :o)

YES, I would love it.....

because I would be GONE "like a freight train" during the same timeframe.

OMG, just shoot me now! But, I will say that I would rejoice if my family came for 3 weeks.....

Never, ever forget that we are here for you!

i would be fine with mine as long as they bring their motor home to stay in! but in my house oooohh no.

And why the hell did you agree to this when DH isn't taking any time off of work? I would have thrown a fit for sure.....

LOL. We re caulked the shower this weekend too because my father and his wife are soon to arrive and boy have to keep it ship shape ! They complain all the time my silver-ware sucks ! Well, we have hard water, do the best I can, but gosh.... I buy new every few years....your not going to get sick by it...they just are not SHINY. So I hear you loud and clear and just understand completely.
Book some girl time, pedis, mani, and alone time now so you are " busy " and get thoughs breaks.

I didn't read all of the responses, but I'd move myself for 3 weeks to a tent in the back in my MIL came for that long. She came once for two weeks and that ended badly. She came again for two weeks and left after one. We just don't see eye to eye on too many things and like your in-laws, her son can do no wrong. Ha! I love him, but he's human.

Yea, I would suggest they NOT come if they can't afford a place to stay.

I know how you feel, mine come for 2 weeks, twice a year, every year. I have learned to make the best of it, and focus on the fact that my kids love having them here.

It's only 3 weeks and they're coming from another country. If they or you have enough money for a motel/hotel then do that. Be up front about not wanting to be a tour guide and arrange for some public tours. It sounds like your husband wants you to be a tour guide. If that's the case tell him you won't or suck it up and do it anyway. Sounds like that's your plan. I admire you for your willingness to do that. It's only for 3 weeks.

My mother-in-law lived with me for 3 years. lol 3 weeks is nothing at all.

Give them the benefit of the doubt as to what they're saying thinking. You said that they don't speak English very well. In that case you don't know what they're really thinking. I would look at "you've lost weight" as a compliment. They probably don't have the vocabulary to say much more.

What does it matter what they tell your MIL? She's not in this country and should have no influence over what happens here.

I'm guessing you feel that they are critical and do not like you. But really do you know that for sure? Treat them well and they will like you.

It sounds rough. I do visit my in laws (at their much larger house) for 2 weeks every year and we manage to mostly enjoy it. But it is not easy if space is limited or if they do not try and help and get along with you. I suggest you get them out doing things as much as you can. Sitting around the house is a recipe for bickering. If they don't want to go out go places yourself if you need a break. I hope it goes fast.

I have been in the exact boat you are in...in-laws are from another country, their ideas are different than mine. I have been trashed up one side and down the other by my MIL. Quite honestly, I have to take responsibility for the part I played in that. I wasn't always the nicest person, had mean thoughts, ect and in the end, it was horrible for all involved. I have moved past it, as have they, and we have the greatest relationship ever now. It takes work, understanding, patience.

But mostly what I hear, is that you are setting yourself up to hate every minute of this. You are already complaining about what is happening before it happens! I wonder if they feel the same about coming to visit their son and having to stay with you.

Think about this for a minute...I am traveling to another country to visit my beloved son...In his home, I will undoubtly pick up the vibe that I am an unwelcomed guest. My past experiences raising children have been rendered useless as my DIL has all the answers and dismisses anything I have to say. I did raise my son, and she thought enough of him to marry him but clearly I am a terrible parent. It is uncomfortable to stay in their home 24/7 so I hope we get to go a few places, knowing my DIL really doesn't want to show us anything. I could help with picking up but the looks I get when I do something she doesn't approve of is enough to make me stop trying to help. I simply want to see my son and his family and love on them for a bit. I am sure we will have a grand time.

Food for thought...

Hang in there!!! Just get your calender out and mark off 21 days.....Plan something fun for YOU every day without them---you will get through it--If nothing else, it will be an interesting experience with all of you together in the house. Make a journal and write like crazy about how she is etc. You will laugh about it later.

M

Just try to relax.
Don't get yourself in a tizzy before they even get here. It sounds like you are well prepared.
I loved having my in laws. Yes, things were different having others in the house but they are not alive anymore and to tell the truth, I miss them.

You are assuming what they will say when they are gone. They might just say what a wonderful time they had and that they enjoyed their visit. You never know.

I'm trying to cheer you up. Three weeks can seem like a long time, but in the scheme of things, it's not that long at all.
They will be there. They will go. Life will go back to normal.

I just had another death in my family so I always see things in a different perspective. The pain of having people around you often pales in comparison to the stark reality that they are gone and will never darken (or lighten) your doorstep again.

I'm sorry you sound like you are dreading it so much. You don't have to be a Stepford Wife. If you aren't (as you shouldn't need to be), then they won't expect that from you. Try your beautiful genuine smile as opposed to a "plastered" one.
It will all work out. I truly believe it will.
The days are flying by so quickly in my life between work, kids, a grandkid and funeral arrangements....3 weeks can go by in a flash.

Try to make the very best of it. I'm not perfect either. People take me and my home as we are and we end up having fun and enjoying our time.

You can make it!!!

Best wishes.

Nope I wouldn't be happy either, and I love my ILs. They're awesome people but three weeks of my favorite people in the world would be too much. Would there ever be a way to rent them a place the next time they visit or is that too pricey in Hawaii? Good luck to you - at least you live in a beautiful place with things to do!

HELL NO!
Put it this way, my MIL moved IN WITH US ( longgggg story) for 4 months... Our house became World War 111, she moved out on bad terms, and almost 2 years later, we still don't talk to her.....
Forget about 3 weeks, I don't want anyone here for 1 night after that NIGHTMARE!!!!

I live in Switzerland and am getting ready to welcome baby #3 in 4 weeks. I'm having a csection and we will have loads of visitors! My mom is coming for 5 weeks and then my MIL is coming for 3 weeks. Which would be fine if she was helpful, but she's not! And, get this, she invited her husband, her mother and one of her sisters to come along for one of the weeks that she is here!!! So I totally feel your pain! I Have already been VERY clear about what I will be doing while they are visiting though. I will be RECOVERING, not playing maid or tour guide. They are on their own. Living far away from family sucks on so many levels. The main one being that everyone feels they have to come and stay for a long time to make the trip worthwhile. UGH! Good luck!

Just be grateful that you only have to deal with them once or twice a year. I have to deal with mine almost every weekend (Okay, the only one I really dislike is my MIL... But she's bad enough that my BFF refuses to be at any family function that she will be at and my BFF disapproves of my relationship with my boyfriend (We've been together for 3 years) because she knows that this woman will one day drive me into a psych ward. Lol)!

((Hugs!))
I would lose my mind... : /

Oh Lord!
Q: Would I Like It If In Laws Were Going To Be Houseguests for Three Weeks?
A: Sure! As long as I was staying somewhere else!
LOL

God Bless you, SH, you're a better woman that I!

I wouldn't mind it because it's just my FIL now since MIL passed away last year. He's great, easygoing, and extremely helpful. In fact, he's more motivated than my husband, so I would welcome my FIL for 3 weeks. Now, if he brought my lazy, needy SIL with him, I would have a hard time. A day or three is okay with her, but anymore than that would drive me bananas. It's also tough when they speak another language than you do. Having grown up with foreign parents myself, I know how difficult it can be if they beat to a different drum. If I were you, I'd be planning stuff for you to do at least for an hour a day even if it's just taking a nap. Give yourself some space to rejuvenate. Your husband needs to take some time off of work and enjoy his parents...this shouldn't all be placed on you. I would also have a friend on standby that you can text or call just to vent too to keep your sanity!

Hang in there....it's only 3 weeks, not 3 months:)

Funny. I would LOVE my mil to come from England and live with us. Jeremy is up for my mom living with us when she gets super old, if she wants to (she lives in another state with no family). But other inlaws: just depends on who they are. My husband would LOVE my brother to come play with us any time. He'd be not keen (at all) to my dad and his wife/kid. I would be ok with my brothers in law (probably more ok than my husband would be, lol). But my husband's horrid little "lifelong friend" who I despise with every fiber of my being called for the first time in nearly 2 years yesterday from England. "Hello Kitty---it's Ian. Jeremy's not answering his work phone, is he there? Ok, Kitty" (Blech, vomit, wretch). Fear gripped my heart immediately----WHY is he calling? Is he coming anywhere near here? Should I burn my house down to have an excuse for him to not stay?

I feel for you!!!!
Mine were here just for one weekend and I was aghast at how they would leave out dirty dishes, teacups with the used tea bag, etc....everywhere....
We had cake one night in the living room....my in laws just left the dirty plates with the cake crumbs right on the coffee table....not lifting a finger as my husband and I started clearing our plates...
I just left their plates there! LOL As a test. I very deliberately cleared my husband and I's mess and LEFT theirs...just to see when they would pick up on it....how long it would take them to finally get up and take their plates to the kitchen...
They never did.
And this is after numerous times when we have visited in their home and I always helped her with EVERYTHING...cooking...cleaning....clearing EVERYONE's plates after dinner...
and being told to squeegee the shower after I used it....because after all, "we are family now".....
But when they come to my house, they act like guests and expect to be pampered.
And when my toddler naps, they nap....because they have no real interest in talking with my husband and I....let alone helping....
Yep....I feel ya...... :(
Good luck!

Wow I feel for you. Have you tried to learn the language they speak? It mght help you to understand what they are saying for the next time (too close now to learn anything).

Also the "trained seal" as I call it where you have to be on all day long gets really old for anyone. I guess being a military wife has made it where it can be done but I prefer to do my own thing no matter where I am. I have hobbies that go with me so that I can keep myself occupied otherwise I would go nuts.

Family is family and you shouldn't have to treat them like guests. But then again it depends on how you are brought up. My DIL thinks she has to "entertain" me (trained seal) and I don't like it. It makes it h*** o* her and on me. But we do manage to find a way to get through it.

I feel for you. Do make appointments to get out of the house by yourself. Hubby should do some entertaining after all they are his family.

Good luck and keep us posted (a way to vent quietly and quickly)

The other S.

PS I believe in the three day rule about family and fish. In your case a week would be about as much as I could stand. Plus all the traveling that you have to do to visit them in the native land takes a bundle out of what you can do.

UGH, that's tough. And I love my in-laws, but 3 weeks is a long time. Its not just that its them, its having ANYONE in your home for three weeks. It upsets your home's "rhythm". And having to cook & clean & ENTERTAIN and just plain be RESPONSIBLE for others is difficult. That's always the hardest part for me.
Good luck - can't wait to hear the stories this will bring!

Can you loan them a car, rent one, or have a taxi service pick them up to take them where THEY want to go so you don't have to haul them around everywhere and give you and them a break from each other? Can you send them to the beach for the day? Drop them off at a shopping center for the day, and pick them up later?

3 weeks is a LONG time. I'm sure they will want some down time as much as you will. It's hard to have someone stay with you (oh, lordy - 3 weeks???), but it is also very difficult to stay with someone else for an extended time.

I'd schedule these types of days at least once during each week and let your hubby deal with them on the weekends (or days off) and you take care of prescheduled obligations you have (like a trip to the book store, a friend's house, etc.)

Good luck mama! You're going to need it! I'd be sick of having company by week 1, even with folks I truly enjoy.

You poor thing! You deserve a vacation after they leave.

I would absolutely hate it if my inlaws had to stay with us for 3 weeks. Luckily, or not, they live in the same town as us so that will probably never happen. My father inlaw has gotten grouchier and grouchier as he has aged, to the point that my 5 year old daughter wants nothing to do with him at all. When he is in somebody else's home he expects to be waited on hand and foot. A few years ago they went to visit a family member in a nursing home and they stayed with an old friend. He complained so much when they got back because the woman whose home they stayed in only made them a home cooked breakfast 2 times and then she had things like bagels and cereal for them for the other 2-3 days. He thought that was just terrible and wouldn't shut up about it. They weren't even there to specifically visit her - they were pretty much just staying in her home while they visited family nearby. Even my husband thinks his dad is an old grouch.

Leslie D. I am with you. The more the merrier. Lots of memories. Kids
deserve to have a relationship with their grandparents. Now ladies, I ask
why is it always the MIL that is the problem. Does anyone have a mother
that is as difficult as MIL. You also have to remember, it is woman coming into another womans home. Equally as difficult for them as for you. Just
keep in mind if you have a son, you one day will be a MIL. Try and make
the best of the weeks they are there. I would not be a tour guide every day
nor a cook every day. Assign everyone a job. Sometimes they just do not
know what to do. Have fun.

With my inlaws, I would love it. I have two small children, and want them to spend as much time as possible with their grandparents. My inlaws live about an hour away, so that situation would never come up.

However, my family lives out of state, and several times a year we have house guests - my mom will come and stay 6 weeks, or my sister, husband, and toddler nieces for a week. We've had a total of 9 people (and two dogs) in our house for a stretch of time.

The fun and crazy part is that I have a small, two bedroom house, so there are people everywhere - couches, floors, inflatable mattresses, beds, tents...! The more madness and mayhem, the better. Food on the couches, pee on the floor, children riding dogs, dogs standing on children...

Its tiring and crazy but its all part of good memories.

I know its more fun for me than my husband (its my family) but he is pretty good natured about it, for which I am glad. If he was grouchy or negative, it would ruin the fun for me and my family.

Try to enjoy it. :)