October 24, 2008,
C.K. asks from York, PA on October 23, 2008
Ok, I am a working mom (not by choice) and my two children have been baby sat by the grandparents. My oldest was two in Sept. and my youngest just turned 5 mths. We know that my 2 year old is getting antsy and needs to be out of the house with other kids. My husband and I decided to put her in a part time day care until we can get her in pre-school. We have her on the waitlist for 3 of them. THis way she can be more socialized and get out of the house two days a week. We both go in different directions for work and my husband has a great day care across the street from where he works. He can look out the window and see it. The day care I looked at is not as close to my work and would make me have to take a different route to work.
I guess I am a little jealous that he will be taking her and picking her up, I feel like that is what I am supposed to do as the mother. I know this is so insane but I can't stop being jealous. My husband wants to be a part of there lives and I do get to take them to alot of fun places because he does work on Saturdays. I just feel like I will be missing out on something. I already feel that way because of working full time.
Just need someone to snap me out of it!
So What Happened?™
Thank you to everyone that responded!! I feel so much better just hearing your ideas and if you had the same feelings. I don't want to be jealous but sometime it is hard...I actually joined a gym so I can use that time to work out. I do need some "me" time and like some of you said this is the time to do it!
S.V. answers from Philadelphia on October 24, 2008
I also have two great kids that I love so much, and am also a full time working mom. My kids are now 16 and 14, and I have had the same feelings as you. My husband switched to night work when my daughter (2nd child) was about two. So he was the one who got to spend the days with the kids, take them to school, spend summer days with them, etc. etc. etc. In my mind, all of the good stuff. It took me some time, but I realized that I had no choice but to work so make every moment with my kids count. I keep a picture of my kids on my desk to remind myself that they are the reason I am at work -- to make their lives better.
I've also realized that kids having a good relationship with their father is invaluable. And that I have not missed out as I thought, but have gained in so many other ways. As moms, we will always have the relationship with our kids -- you need to continue to work on it, and always keep the communication going.
It doesn't have to be a bad thing to work full time, or for the kids to have a close relationship with their father. It's all in how you handle it.
Good luck to you.
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L.N. answers from Pittsburgh on October 24, 2008
Believe me, this is not the last time you will feel guilty. It's a thing every mother goes thru. I have 4 kids, ages 18,13, 5, and 1. I have felt guilty with each of them for various reasons. Some are true reasons, like going out for a much needed girls night once in a blue moon and my daughter crying because she wants to go, or other things that I hold on to way longer than kids do. There was a year, I was pregnant with my last child and my hubby took my second child to almost all of his soccer games, mainly because I felt horrible, but ya know what, they don't hold on to those thoughts as much as mother's do. We seem to remember every thing we feel we didn't do right by them. You have to do what is best for your family, and things will fall into place.
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R.B. answers from Pittsburgh on October 24, 2008
I am a naturally jealous person too, so I can sympathize with you in feeling this way, but girl, count your lucky stars your husband helps you!!! I'm not going to bore you with my woes, but try to relax a little, and be thankful for the help! And to make up for how you are feeling, maybe take some time in the morning and have extra mommy-daughter time. Good luck!!
T.S. answers from Philadelphia on October 24, 2008
I can understand that you are feeling badly, but perhaps try to take a different spin on this. How wonderful that your husband is eager to take on this responsibility...and it is a big responsibility. You will have more flexibility than he will...he will need to be out of the door (home in the AM, work in the PM) at a certain time. Also, not to sound sexist here, but I'm guessing that you have/take on many more responsibilities re the kids and the home than he does? (If I'm wrong, lucky you!) I would be thrilled to be able to "share the wealth" this way! Having the pick up and delibvery responsibility is HUGE!
Having your husband do this also a wonderful bonding experience for your child and her dad! No doubt she already spends a lot of quality time with YOU!
Good luck with it all! I know it's not easy!
A.J. answers from Williamsport on October 24, 2008
Bless you for wanting all the time you can get with your kids, and hopefully you'll be able to arrange that somehow in the future. As for the daycare drop off/pick up. It won't seem so bad once it's really happening. You should definitely invent another nice regular "together" activity for yourself and the kids to make up for it and console yourself-and they'll like it too. Try to feel glad that the daycare drop off will be "their thing", dad's usually don't get many of those. When my husband isn't traveling, he takes my daughter out for errands, recycling, shopping and a donut on Wednesdays. I've never gone along, and it's the highlight of their week. I always feel a little jealous, but my daughter feels really special with her dad and tells me all about everything when she gets home. One week, she even specified, "No, Mom, you stay here." When I went to the door to say good bye. :( It's heartbreaking (in a nice way), but you'll be fine! Best of luck!
T.M. answers from Philadelphia on October 23, 2008
i am sure you can sneak out here and there and pick up or go late and drop off..you will make it work..think of the main objective in sending her and youll get over it..be thankful you have a great husband...find your little thing to do with the kids....
A.L. answers from Allentown on October 24, 2008
I too am a full time working mom. I have been in babysitting crisis where I had to get my kids to two different places. I too always thought it was my job. I then started to have anxiety issues after being sick and out of commission for a month. I now love that my husband is not like some and willing to share in the responsibilities that go with having a 2 income household. Instead of one of us being jealous of the other, we work together so that we know our kids are where they need to be and we get to work. (and most importantly safe.) I also know a lot of women who work whose husbands do not want anything to do with that. We should consider ourselves lucky to have such wonderful husbands!
E.F. answers from Pittsburgh on October 24, 2008
Cnn had a great article about this recently...
You're not alone. I am working only part-time (definitely by choice), and parent most of the time of the time (my husband only sees him a hour in the evenings during the week) and it does make me mad when my husband is better at something than than I am. :-)