Is This Ok? - Fort Bragg,NC

Sending hugs! Oh how frustrating for you. I saw your previous posts and it sounds like you have had your hands full.
You may not want to hear this but I think the short answer to you question is no. Crying is their communication with you. There aren't too many babies that sleep through the night and at only a month old they are not yet capable of self soothing for the sole purpose of getting themselves to sleep. Letting him alone to cry himself to sleep will not teach him to fall asleep on his own it will only teach him that when he cries no one is coming to help him. If you could put yourself in his spot, how would that make you feel, maybe alone and scared? I think that is why some of the previous posters considers it cruel.

I'm sorry you couldn't nurse because that works WONDERS. My husband calls it the magic boobies of sleep because WOW each and every one of my children drifted of to the land of nod nursing.
Babies crave closeness, you won't be spoiling or damaging future sleep habits by holding, rocking, dancing or just gazing into the sweet beautiful eyes of your sweet babe. You musn't forget this time that you have with this tiny infant is fleeting, once it's gone there is no getting it back. Enjoy it while you can and remember this too will pass, you may move on to another challenge but the crying won't plague you forever.
Sending hugs and best wishes. PM me if you need anything.

7 moms found this helpful

Hi A.,

I just read your "so what happened". He is only one month old. Too young to learn how to sleep like that. The letting them cry it out method is usually started at 6 months. He is too young to remember how you taught him to try to soothe himself and go back to sleep from the night before. Plus at 1 month old he is not going to sleep through the night as he needs more feedings. Most likely he needs the cuddles and the comfort of you and if he keeps waking up it is becasue he needs to eat. Granted you can't hold a child 24/7, but he hasn't been around long enough for that to be an issue you can't deal with. Each baby is different but I can't imagine any dr, military or not, telling you CIO at one month is ok. When he is older try it again and you will get better results. Good luck.

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This question will get a lot of very opinionated answers - and there is no right answer.

My personal answer to your question, is no - it is not okay. For my husband and myself, we have always felt it was a little cruel .

So what if they finally fall asleep - they've fallen asleep screaming, alone and terrified. I felt like a bad mom, and I felt like I was hurting them (even though physically they were okay.. I knew I was putting them through something that wasn't necessary.)

All 4 of my sons have been this way. None of them ever sleep in our room. They all sleep in their own beds.

Each night when they were babies, I'd go through a very strict nighttime routine... hearty supper, hot bath, pj's, goodnight kisses and reading a few books. Then I rocked them to sleep.

Still do actually, I have a 17 month old that I rock to sleep every night. He falls asleep peacefully and without incident and all it takes is about 20 minutes of cuddling with me and singing a bedtime song.

Is it exhausting? Yes. Do I get aggravated when it takes longer? Yes. Do I have a million other things I need to do? Yes..... but he is my baby. I absolutely refuse to let him cry himself to sleep every night just so I can feel like I'm doing it "right" according to all of those ridiculous baby books.

I'm not saying that you or anyone else is a bad parent for letting their kids cry themselves to sleep... I have lots of friends and relatives who have done that. And yes... eventually it does work (most of the time) and they begin going to sleep quickly and quietly.

I just personally couldn't stomach the sound of my babies crying like that and falling to sleep in such an awful state of mind.

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Why would you ask if something is okay, say you don't feel comfortable with it, but then get upset when people tell you it's not okay?

At one month he is way to young to cry it out. Just because he doesn't need to be fed, burped or changed doesn't mean he doesn't need anything. Four weeks ago he lived inside your body, now you expect him to calm himself down and fall asleep on his own?

I'm sure you were told by doctors it's okay to let babies cry, I just can't believe they advised you to let a newborn cry. There are lots of books that can teach you to sleep train a baby. You might like one called Twelve Hours by Twelve Weeks.

Please, try something else.

6 moms found this helpful

**Updated to add: ok I just read your answer and honestly I feel bad for your baby boy right now, I mean who cares if the doctors told you to leave him alone in his crib it's YOUR baby not theirs, a one month old is too young to let him cry it out whether you like it or not. And yes newborn babies have to be held almost 24/7 it feels like because they 're fresh out of our bellies, they've been carried for 9 months how can you expect them to not crave to be held; you are just mad because you did not get the answer you wanted to hear, well your husband is right about not letting him cry. Pick up your baby! tell your husband to help too if you are too tired which I'm sure you are with a newborn, but your husband can help too ***

well to be honest I don't think that's a good method, Babies need to be cuddled and held a lot, even for two parents working as a team caring for one baby is a lot of work.
Please don't let him just cry it out, specially if you have a newborn. I have two children one 8 year old and one 12 month old and both of them slept in my bed for the first month of their life. Now both of them sleep in their rooms in their owns bed/crib with no problem whatsoever.
remember it's not then end of the world if you don't follow exactly what a book says or your friend's method etc. You know your baby better than anyone, he might just need some extra cuddles.
The fact that you are posting this makes me think you are not too happy with the cry it out method either, just follow your instinct if you don't want to leave him crying just hold him, it will be fine
**Upadted** to add I agree with Liza H 100% even if it takes me longer I rather let my baby fall asleep peacefully and quietly, than screaming and sobbing i couldn't stomach it either.

6 moms found this helpful

I do not agree with the cry it out method, especially with an infant. What he needs is to be held in your arms as much as possible. If you haven't seen it, go to your library and get Harvey Karp's book and dvd "The Happiest Baby on the Block". He explains how to handle a crying baby, and also he clearly explains that human infants are different than any other animal on the planet. Humans are born exceedingly early in development, and the first three months are considered the last part of the "pregnancy", so to speak. They need to be close to their parents' heartbeats and breath sounds simply for comfort because the whole big world is more than their little brains can handle.

Get a good rocking chair or glider for the baby's room and be prepared to hold him and sleep, if you don't want to co-sleep.

Hang in there, and hold the little dear as much as you possibly can.

5 moms found this helpful

I am a believer in cry it out, however not for a one month old child. I don't know of any doctor, or childcare provider that would suggest that it is okay at that age. If you baby is crying when being put down, have you considered reflux, or gas. You cannot spoil a one month old baby. I never let my children sleep with me (just my personal choice) so I completely get that but letting a one month old cry is not okay to me. In my opinion you can"t sleep train a one month old, they don't even have a consistent schedule yet so I don't understand how you can expect to sleep train a baby that young. If he is crying then he needs something. Just because he is fed, changed, etc. does not mean that his needs have been met. He may have some type of discomfort or just needs to feel close. Try swaddling him or a small bassinet if he doesn't like his crib right now. A crib is very big to a newborn baby and some babies like a smaller space, lets face it look where they just came from!!!

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My sister told me it was okay, insisted it was okay and i did and I will never forget the moment I walked in and he was crying because he was freezing and wet himself all over. Do what you think is right each and every time. There are a lot of people who will give advice but they are not at your house every day or night to help you.

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I think it's ok for a 6 month old. I don't think it's ok for a 1 month old. When your baby was inside you, he had a noisy warm environment that was always on the move and full of motion. Now he's in a crib, it's incredibly quiet (compared to inside of you), and it doesn't move at all. It's pretty scary for them. He's not at an age where he can learn anything from crying it out. Crying is his only form of communication right now and he needs you. A colicky baby is very frustrating for you (and the baby isn't happy about it either). It will get better. Hang in there.

4 moms found this helpful

It is the biological norm (and best for your baby) for him to sleep in close proximity to you. Remember that for all of his life up until birth he was never alone -- he was connected to and completely surrounded by you. There is a reason you "feel horrible letting him cry like that" -- because that's the *normal* and *good* response a mother naturally has towards her child! There may be an underlying reason why he is crying (colic, upset tummy; I recently read of one baby who had a congenital heart defect and was having miniature heart attacks which were painful). But make no mistake -- while it is the *cultural* norm for babies to be put alone in their cribs to cry, that is not the biologic norm... nor is it good for babies to be put under that much stress.

I had both of my babies in bed with me for some time. With my younger son it was just for 4-6 weeks because I realized that we were waking each other up and we both slept better if he was in the crib (in our room), although I would frequently bring him to bed when he woke up in the middle of the night and fall asleep while nursing him. With my older son, he alternated between a bassinet and our bed for several months (no room for the crib at that time), then finally alternated between our bed and the crib, depending on that night's circumstances. For instance, if he fell asleep at 7 p.m., before I went to bed, I would lay him down in his crib; but if we fell asleep together, he slept in my arms. Somewhere around 6-9 months he started "asking" to be put into his crib to sleep -- I would nurse him and instead of him falling asleep, he would nurse then push away from me and refuse to settle down; but when I would put him in his crib, he would settle down right away.

All babies are different.

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Can't hold him 24/7 but can hold and comfort to sleep ESP at 1 month of age. U can't spoil an infant. They need that security.

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Hi A.,

I'm not even going to bother reading the posts because I know what they say (I've been on this site for a while now.) It does help if you update the ladies as to the age of the baby when you write - keeps us from guessing or having to go back and look.

If your baby is crying all the time, tell the doctor because he may have colic or reflux. Those two problems are very difficult because even when you hold them, they have trouble. If you don't have that issue, but it's a matter of crying when you put him down, you might try a bouncy, or a swing, a white noise machine, a tape with sleepy baby music, those kind of "props", mostly for the day (although the music and white noise might help at night.)

Try not to put baby in the crib unless it's time to nap. Take him in the kitchen with you and put him in a car seat, or one of those holders (I can't remember the name of it!) and sing to him, kiss him, touch him, while you do your work. Hold him in a wrap a little when you are walking around the house while he's awake. After you feed him and it's time for nap, lay him down in the crib when he's still groggily awake - that way he starts to learn to put himself to sleep. You can pat him on the back while he fusses a little, then walk away and let him go on to sleep by himself.

If your baby weighs 12 pounds, you can try the approach of trying to teach the baby to self-soothe at night. If he isn't yet that weight, it's too soon to make him sleep through the night without a feeding. Wait 5 minutes, go pat him on the back but don't pick him up, leave the room, wait 10 minutes, go pat him on the back but don't pick him up, wait 15 minutes, etc. It will be awful at first, and you might not get much sleep for the first few nights, but his crying should get shorter and shorter, and by the end of a week or a little more, should be sleeping for a much longer time. This is a "method" (actually called the Ferber method). One of the reasons you are having such a hard time is because you aren't using a method. Using a method means knowing how to be consistent - if you are consistent, and I really mean consistent, as in watching the clock, your baby will soon start to sleep through the night. If you cave in and put him in your bed because you are dog tired, you mess it all up.

If he gets sick, all this goes out the window, because you take care of a sick baby. After he's better, you may have to sleep train him again.

But again, A., if your baby has colic or reflux, he is in pain and it is not going to help to sleep train him yet. With colic, their little tummies are all tied up in knots, and with reflux, laying down hurts. That's why you must make sure these aren't the problem with baby before trying to sleep train him.

Good luck, and good sleeping!
D.

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It sounds like you're not really comfortable letting him cry. At 1 month old, it's not really good for them to cry it out - they're still adjusting to life outside the womb. Some parenting classes might be "old school" - and there's a lot of value there, but there's new info on the crying when they're very young not really being good for them when it's extended. At this age, they cry for reasons... we might not be happy about the reasons, and they may be tough for us to deal with, but such is life ;)

Check out a book &/or DVD called "The happiest baby on the block". The first 3 month is kinda like an extra tri-mester where the baby is getting used to being "outside".

If he hates the crib, maybe there's a reason - it's not comfortable, in a drafty spot, etc. Check that kind of thing out just to be sure.

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Maybe someone suggested it, but there is a sleep book, unfortunately I can't remember the name. Apparently it works, although I doubt its method is letting a one month old cry it out.

One month is really too young to let a baby cry for long. If you don't meet his emotional needs at this stage it will affect his personality negatively for his whole life.

p.s. I just have to add, you say he's been "fed, changed and burped." What else does he need? The most important thing: love and comfort, of course! And that means he needs to be held.
Parenting an infant is truly exhausting, but please don't let a little one month old cry in his crib. I did the Cry it Out method with all three of my kids at 6 months. You could probably do it at 4 months, but no earlier. When all those people were telling you that CIO is okay, I doubt they meant for a 1 month old.

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Hi A.!
I have no judgement but I felt compelled to respond,I take it this is your first baby and I totally understand and remember its pretty exhausting, that being said he is too young to cry it out I appreciate you were told its ok to let him cry that's true some of the time but at this point he is not capable of self soothing himself he might be better of in a bassinet in your room because this way he is closer to you and you can comfort him easier without him being in your bed, babies this young need to generally be in the warmth of a smaller space (swaddled even)or close to you a crib would feel pretty overwhelming after being in the comfort of the womb my doc recommend trying to create as near to that environment as possible enjoy snugggling him and keeping him close this is still a precious bonding time for the 2 of you relish in it,they grow very fast and soon enough he will be independent of you I hope this helps happy mothering.

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According to your profile, your son is only recently born. Congratulations!

A new baby needs contact, warmth, cuddling, and holding. The idea that a baby can be bundled off in isolation in his own bed is just that, an idea. It is not based upon actually observing how infants respond.

Modern research shows that children who are carefully and tenderly nurtured in their earliest months are healthier, are more emotionally resilient, and learn better. Babies left to cry for long periods, or who lack enough physical and emotional warmth from their parents, have large amounts of cortisol, a stress hormone, circulating in their bloodstreams. This slows brain development, and over time, the effects can become permanent.

You feel horrible for a good reason. Listen to what your instincts are telling you. And as another mom has suggested, get the book The Happiest Baby on the Block for many tips on helping your little guy sleep better.

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It's ok for him to cry. Especially if you know he is fed, clean and burped. Have you maybe tried different PJs? My son was a hot sleeper so he didn't sleep well in footed sleepers or pjs. Your son might like to have his back or bottom rubbed or patted to help him fall asleep. A pacifier, soft music, night light (on or off)?? He might be a side sleeper and you can prop him using a sleep positioner or rolled up blankets at his back and chest.

I read back on some of your questions and see you've might be having problems with formula. Have you tried good start yet??? My Daughter was on Enfamil and was gassy and had going problems. My son was on good start and never had an issue at all. Two of my friends are using Simalac and their babies are gassey all the time and have problems. Even if you can get a DR's note for WIC, it's at least cheaper that the other two if you have to get it out of pocket.

Oh he just might be colic. There are several products you can try for that too like gripe water and I think there are some colic drops as well but I don't know the names. You might want to try the gripe water regardless. If he is colic, there isn't much you can do but let him cry otherwise you'll drive yourself nuts trying to sooth him when he can't be.

{{HUGS}} As if being a mom isn't hard enough, we have to be military wives too which also gives us the role of single parent some times!! Hang in there and keep your head up. This shall pass and you'll be a stronger person for it!!

S.
Marine Wife at MCAS Beaufort, SC

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I don't think it's cruel, but I have to say that I think 1-month is quite young for him to be crying it out. I don't think you can teach him anything right now. He is letting you know he needs you -- he's teaching you! He's just getting used to the world and how it all works. I think some of the advice you got (swaddling, books, etc.) was quite good and I hope you'll at least look into those things. I personally could never let my babies cry it out and I held my babies a lot and we worked out other ways to get used to the crib. The crying-it-out thing just broke my heart. My daughters are now 22 and 12 and they are fine even though I held them a lot! lol
You asked if it was ok in your post. Some people don't think it's ok and told you so. I think that's just an honest answer. And something to think about. Take care and enjoy your little one. And try some of the things moms suggested.

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I think as new mothers, sometimes we just don't know what to do. I have a 3 yo and a 3 mo old. I remember how quickly my first grew out of the baby stage, so, this time around I am holding him as much as I can...they just grow up too fast! I held my first alot, but now I really do know how fast they grow up, so I'm cherishing every minute I can.

Your baby is only one month old...that's brand new! Think about this from a babies perspective. You live for 9 months in a dark snuggly womb, and then all of a sudden you are in this huge open space...scary. He won't get used to sleeping in bed with you at this young of an age, he just needs to feel secure. My baby slept in bed with us, on my arm for 3 months. The last 2 weeks he's been sleeping all night, in his bassinet next to our bed( I usually bring him in bed w/ us around 5 or 6). I think you should just enjoy the snuggling and sleeping with him and in a couple of months he'll be ready for his own bed.

Also, new babies don't like being in a big open crib, so try a bassinet or blocking off part of his crib to make it seem smaller. Try putting him in his crib/bassinet during naps and when he wants to just lay on his back to stretch out. You could also try a sleep sack, but get the ones with the angel wings, so they feel all bundled up and snuggled. And remember...they really do grow up fast, so don't regret someday, not taking this time to hold and snuggle with your newborn, he'll be crawling in a few months and won't want to be held.

3 moms found this helpful

I have never let my kids CIO. I would just feel terrible hearing them cry. Their first few months I would put them to sleep in a swing, it was more soothing than just laying in a big, motionless crib and they slept well in there. I was tired and this worked for us. Maybe you can try a swing? As they got older I slowly transition them to a crib. We also have a good bedtime routine. If makes you feel horrible don't do it. If he just really young infant he is not trying to "play" you, he really does just need his mommy.

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Ooo yeah a one month old is to young to try a CIO. I waited till he was 3 months to try that. I'd suggest a swaddle. They are very comforting to a baby since they were in tight spaces for 9 months. Most people would say that 1 month is to young. He doesn't know any better. At three months is when they can make a connection to what is going on. I'm not telling you I think it's cruel, but one month is way to young to cognitively understand anything other than I'm hungry, wet or uncomfortable.
Please try a swaddle. I had to swaddle my son and then put him in his swing in order to get him to sleep on his own. After a month I transitioned over to his crib. Even if you do let him sleep with you until 3 months you can try CIO then and get him used to sleeping on his own.
And do know that some babies aren't the kind of babies that if you let them CIO for x amount of time they will self soothe. I tried it with my son and it just made him even clingy-er. I eventually found a way that got him to sleep in his own bed. You just have to find yours or just put up with him sleeping in his crib for 2 more months. If you need info on swaddles let me know!
I really liked the woombie. It still had the swaddle feel, but let him move around and not hit his face and startle him awake. I also like the miracle blanket. The baby can not wiggle out of that one. I also used the Summer SwaddleMe. It's only $10.99 and was good until Ollie got strong enough to wiggle out. But by then he should learn how to sleep without it.

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How old is your son? If he is under 4 months, definitely not ok to let him cry. If he's 4-6 mos, you can begin sleep training for him.

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My short answer to that is no. I don't think there is any need to use the Ferber method or the cry it out method. There are much kinder, gentler ways to teach baby to sleep. And yes, babies need to be taught to sleep. They don't just know how.

How old is your baby? Anything younger than 6 months even Dr. Ferber says his method should not be used.

Please check out Dr.Sears Baby Sleep book, The secrets of the baby whisperer and the no-cry sleep solution. I was able to glean valuable info from each to come up with a sleep routine that worked for my babies and family. They all offer valuable tips and tricks for teaching baby to sleep without leaving them to cry in their bed and have their little systems flooded with stress hormones because they don't have a clue why you have stuck them in their room by themselves and you won't come rescue them like you always do. You then come in and leave again. How cruel is that? How confusing for baby must that be?

Not to say that there aren't ever any tears shed with sleep learning but there is certainly a better way than having baby cry until they are exhausted and they fall asleep.

You can start helping baby learn to sleep by using a consistent routine. That way baby will learn what to expect and what is expected at sleep times. I literally did and said the same things every single night while teaching my son to sleep. And once he got it he would sleep 10-13 hours a night. My daughter is not quite the champ he was but she does ok.

Take the time to learn as much as you can about baby sleep and how they learn how to sleep.

2 moms found this helpful

Many people do. For me I feel to badly! I would only let him cry for a short period!

Good Luck!

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It is okay to let babies cry it out, especially if you let them know you are there. However, I think 1 month is way too young for this. They are too little to understand even that you are still there, they just need the comfort and warmth. Why not give it to him? Put him in the crib once he is asleep. He will get used to it just fine.

He may be uncomfortable, cold, or even have stomach upset. Who knows? I just think babies that yound just need their mamas. Good luck!

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Personally I don't agree to let a child cry it out. First how old is he? Children cry for a reason and he needs you to do something about it. Comfort him and console him. Letting a child cry does not teach him to sleep in his crib. If he is very young remember that he has be living in a very small space in your tummy and now he's in this huge world and you want him to sleep by himself all of a sudden. I'm not suggesting co-sleeping but I am suggesting that you comfort him.
EDIT: Now that I have seen your response I have to say get yourself a parenting book and read up on the different 'methods' of how to get a baby to sleep on their own. Everyone one of them will tell you that this age is too young for letting him cry it out. Get a sling and wear him. Put him in the car seat to sleep. But in the end you have to do what is best for your family. If it were me I would be going crazy because my 1 month old was crying I would have to hold him.

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The only time I do that is when I know for sure my son is tired and the crying serves as a release of the tension. Then when he gets that "confused" feeling out, I go pick him up and cuddle him to bed. I don't believe in letting them cry it out as a means to let him "learn" how to sleep in their crib. Who's to tell he might be clusterphobic...(check spelling) and not like the enclosed space. Depends on his age, he may just prefer a bed by now.

1 mom found this helpful

it's ok. eventually he will get used to it. i know you hate to hear him cry but you will win this battle. i made the mistake of having to get my son out of my bed and it took a looong time for him to get used to that crib but it happened. good luck and don't give up! oh and i do agree with the mom who said to swaddle him him they like that warm wrapped up feeling. and you will know when he doesn't like it anymore because he will come out of it by himself.

1 mom found this helpful

My three week old cries to be held all the time too.... he's my fifth and I've had the same problem with all mine. I usually will let them cry at some point but the younger they are, the less I let them cry. But I totally know what you mean. Thankfully, I have a hubby and 4 kids dying to hold him but I still have to let him cry sometimes... gotta go.. baby's crying... =)

1 mom found this helpful

I just wanted to say that you have to do what is best
for you and your family. We chose to do an attachment
parenting style with my long awaited little one
but that was best for me.

Just because you do what is best for you doesn't
me you don't love your child or that you are a bad parent.
I think by ASKING about it lets others know YOU
are a good parent!

Enjoy your Lil' one they really do grow fast!

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you can always put something of yours that would be familiar and comfortin to him... such as a shirt that smells and feels like mommy. good luck

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You don't say how old your son is. If he is under 4 months old, it's probably way too soon to be letting them cry it out. If he is 4-6 months old, then you can start the process, but if they don't settle within 10 min. or so, you should probably pick him up. After 6 months, then I would just keep soothing by patting on the back and then leaving the room. My daughter's breaking point was 20 min (I was always told to go in at 15 min). I found that if I left her that extra 5 minutes, she could get herself to sleep. She wasn't crying uncontrollably though, just fussing off and on. It's so hard because all kids are different. My daughter was easy to sleep train. At night, she just kind of always did it. I had to train her for naps. My son, on the other hand, took forever to learn how to go to sleep on his own. I hope this helps. It is important to get them to learn to sleep in their own beds and to self soothe, but you don't want to put them through something they aren't developmentally ready to do either (i.e. letting a very young baby cry it out....just doesn't work and is kind of cruel). Hope this is helpful!

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My sister needed to cry herself to sleep every night from the day she was brought home from the hospital at 1 week old. Don't pick him up when you go in, just pat him and tell him that you love him...
It's tough, but it will be worth it to do it now rather than later.
Keep your chin up and your ear plugs close.
LBC

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It's OK if that's your parenting style. But, my personal opinion is that it is absolutely not OK to leave a baby crying. Even if you are checking on him. He may be fed, changed, burped, but he is not being cuddled. To me, if my baby is crying, it is my job to figure out why. If all those other needs have been met, it may just be that he wants more cuddling or closeness. There is absolutely nothing wrong with co-sleeping. There are a number of ways to do it that don't involve being in your bed. As adults, we sometimes think that what children want/need/fear as ridiculous or frivolous. It's not to them. Another thing to think about, is that you are saying how hard it is and how horrible you feel about it--follow your gut. If it doesn't feel right, don't do it.
I hope I didn't come across as rude, that's not my intention. This is just my opinion. They are only little once--get all your cuddling in now, before he won't let you anymore.

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He may need to just be held or rocked. Even if it is just for 30 minutes.
In a big crib, lay him side to side.
on one end of the crib.

Place his head up against the corner against the bumper. He is used to being in a tight space in your womb.

Swaddling will also help your infant. Here is a link with instructions and photo examples.
http://pregnancy.about.com/od/newbornbabies/ss/swaddle.htm

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how old is the baby? If it's too early he may not understand why you're leaving him alone. It's good that you're going back in, comforting him, and then putting him back. If he's always been sleeping with you, it might be easier to try easing him into sleeping in his crib at naptime instead of nightime. Good luck!

I recommend you read the Baby Whisperer by Tracy Hogg. At 1 month, he's too young to understand. letting him cry is better for kids 3-4 months or older.

1 mom found this helpful

I let me boys cry to get them to sleep but waited until they were 3 months. This is the age I was told by their doctor. All doctors will say something different.

check on him and make sure he's not crying because of anything else. as long as he knows you're there, but you're not going to pick him up, he should stop crying soon and learn to put himself to sleep. it is hard. some will tell you it's wrong. i used a variation of this method myself. everyone is different. do what YOU feel is right. i, like you, was not willing to put my infant in my bed, i don't think it's safe, and by golly it's MY bed and if he was in there with me i wouldn't get any sleep for worrying about smothing him, so how does that make it worth it? so we worked it out so and he learned to self soothe. it wasn't easy, but it's the first of many, many things you will teach him for his own good. you still love him, you're still a good mom. just listen to your mom instincts. you're doing the right thing. hang in there! (for what it's worth, my son was born holding his head up, facing the world, and never seemed impressed by the sound of my heartbeat, or rocking, or any of that. probably the exception, but like i said, everyone is different and every baby is different.)

Imo, one month is too young to let him cio. Infants need to be cuddled and soothed. When I first became a mom, I found that I couldn't let my babies cio. I personally don't like to be alone when I am upset, sad, or crying. You can't spoil him, he needs to be close to you.

The No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley may be a helpful resource.
http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth/

Dr. Bill Sears has some excellent resources on his site too. The Baby Book might be something you find helpful.
http://www.askdrsears.com/

Listen to your instinct here. You said you feel horrible letting him cry like that....that's your mommy intuition talking to you. The doctors and nurses are medical professional and imo, not parenting professionals.

Be gentle with yourself. Being first time parents can be challenging and we put so much pressure on ourselves trying to do it all right that we forget to enjoy this time. This time shall pass soon enough. Have faith is your ability to raise this little man.

I have 4 children now and my youngest is 8 months. One thing I've found I can't live without is my Maya Wrap. http://www.mayawrap.com/ This enabled me to hold my babies during the day if they were fussy or needed extra TLC and still be able to do what I needed to do.

Mothering Magazine is something that I have enjoyed since my firstborn was 18 months old. I only wish I had discovered Mothering before he was born or shortly after as this magazine gave me the confidence to do what I was feeling all along. It may not work for you but I wanted to recommend it regardless. http://www.mothering.com/

Peace & Light,
J.

You did the right thing. Don't let the negative coments deter from your efforts. I did it too and I had an infant that slept in her crib and through the night at 2 1/2 months ( she was breastfed so it took a little longer).

How old is he? If he's hysterical don't push it on him. Let him stay up a little longer make it boring no TV or radio. My DD sometimes is not ready to go to sleep and rather than let her work herself up and not gap to sleep at all we let her run around in her walker for a extra half hour she winds up pooping herself out and goes down wo a fight. He will come around gl

You are doing perfect. You can look up or read about the Ferber Method from Dr Ferber and that is exactly right. My husband and I did it with both of our children at 11 mos old and it took 4 nights of crying and not sleeping but the 5th night they slept all night! To this day they are GREAT sleepers. It is hard b/c you want to cuddle them but it is worth it to teach them how to fall asleep themselves. Just go in after 5 mins and pat his bottom, then wait and go back after 8 mins then 12 and so on. It may take over an hour but eventually he will fall back to sleep and as long as you are coming in and patting his bottom he knows you are there for him. Make sure he is not hungry, clean diaper, no gas, not thrown up, etc You can usually tell by the cry if they are really hurt or just want you to pick them up. The only thing I would say is at this age, a month old, he truly may be hungry. We kept our kids in a bassinett next to our bed until 2 mos old and then moved to the crib. I like to watch them at night in the begining. I was nursing and when you nurse they need to eat every 3 hours. You may want to revisit this in a few months, as a newborn it is hard to get them on such a schedule. In the first few months of life, they make their own schedule unfortunately. :o) Good luck.

How old is your son? If he is a year old that is different than 2 weeks. Go in and check on him every little bit. If he is a new born he needs to be held and cuddled to sleep. If he is 2 and jsut wants to get up and play let him cry. Good luck.

try not going in every few minutes - he may cry himself to sleep, or hopefully he will learn to self-soothe himself to sleep. By going in every few minutes, you are reinforcing his crying behavior.