Is This Normal Behavior for a 5 Year Old?

She is old enough to start problem solving before a tantrum. Can you tell she will have one when you say no but before she is out of control? If so - I would try discussing it with her. DD - you want to watch tv but I need to go to the store to buy groceries, how can we do this. Listen to her ideas. Maybe she will say, ok, let's go to the store and record my show. Maybe she will say, ok but I want to watch a different show later. Maybe she will not have a solution but at least she will feel like she has been heard. Clearly punishing her is not working so I would try something else.

Addressing AmyJ's concerns:

Problem solving alleviates tantrums because tantrums are just a demonstration of frustration. DD needs a way AROUND her frustration and you need to teach that to her. Punishing her for being angry is not going to make her less angry. Giving her tools to express that anger and to avoid that anger by getting what she needs (not necessarily what she wants and not necessarily right now - sometimes that will just be being heard and understood, not actually getting the 'thing') will make her tantrums unnecessary. I have yet to meet a child that enjoys having tantrums so if you give her the tools, they will eventually stop.

Spanking teaches that hitting people smaller than you is ok (also that it's ok to hit and be hit by the people you love). It does not teach skills like negotiation, learning to delay gratification and compromise.

My daughter is 6 and has had her share of tantrums, but not as frequently or intense as yours. What helped was talking to her about them when she was NOT having one. At a calm time I would ask her what made her react that way, and if she thinks that acting like that will help to solve the problem. Most kids want to be a "big kid", so I would ask her if she thinks that big kids act like that when they don't get their way. I would help her to find other ways to express her frustration. I think it's a good idea to have consequences, but more importantly, have conversations with her about her feelings and help guide her toward a more appropriate way to behave. Then, when she starts to have a tantrum, say "Remember what we talked about... how else can we solve this problem right now?" My daughter still needs reminders, but she has far fewer tantrums than she used to. I also try to use techniques to "head off" a tantrum by knowing what might set her off. When it's almost time to leave a fun place, I give her a 5 minute warning. "We are leaving in 5 minutes, no arguing please". Or before we go to a store, "We are not getting a snack at the store today, so please don't ask". That way, it takes some of the "shock" out of it when I say No at the store. I hope this helps... good luck!

Have you talked with her Doctor? If not, I would. This doesn't seem normal to me.

Do these come out of the blue or is she upset because someone told her no?

Is she over-tired?
Does she get enough sleep?
If not, that can be why.

Is she hungry?
Some kids, even adults, if they are hungry their blood sugar level drops, and it creates moodiness and irritability. Hypoglycemia, in some cases.
My daughter gets like that, when hungry.
She needs to graze, throughout the day.

It doesn't sound normal for a 5 year old, that they've gotten worse. By 5 there should be a reasonable amount of self-control. It sounds as if she's trying to manipulate and control the situation into getting her own way. If she has a tantrum and then gets to continue to watch TV later that day, or her candy later, she may be associating the earlier tantrum with getting her way. Kids are smart and look for ways to control the situation. What is her consequence for throwing things, kicking and banging the door when she's supposed to be in her room? What is her consequence for the tantrum itself? If she hasn't learned that a tantrum will cause her a lost privilege when she's calm, she has no incentive to stop having them. Tantrums don't just go away as the child outgrows them, there has to be active teaching and reinforcement of consequences for behavior (good and bad) on the parents' part from early on. Timeouts don't work with all children so you have to find what will for her. (Another mom posted that she took away one of her son's bedtime stories as a consequence, he usually gets 2 and it got his attention big time.)

I'd approach her like a 2 or 3 year old, talk to her when she is calm, tell her she won't be able to have tantrums once she goes to school, so she's not to have them at home, either. (Trust me, schools won't put up with it. My neighbor is having a horrible time with her 6 year old who still has mega tantrums. When he started kindergarten his teacher immediately referred him to a psychologist after the first one, the parents stopped the therapy because he didn't want to go, he had to repeat kindergarten due to "immaturity" as he can't control himself, and daycare is a joke, his mom is changing every few weeks as no one will put up with him. He is the sweetest child on earth when he's not screaming, but people are now avoiding allowing their children to play with him.)

Express your displeasure with her tantrums, encourage her to use her words to express her feelings, and let her know that when she has her next tantrum she will go to her room to stay until she calms down on her own and stops screaming and crying, is not to bang on the door or kick it, and that if she does there will be another lost privilege on top of the one for the tantrum. Make sure you tell her what she will lose as a consequence. When she has a tantrum follow through. If she goes stiff carry her to the room, place her on her bed, and walk away without comment. Close the door and be prepared to carry out what you said once she calms down. Don't reward bad behavior, like giving her a treat for calming down, since that was what she was supposed to do in the first place. If this doesn't work after a few tries schedule an appointment for her with your pediatrician to address the matter, don't self-diagnose.

I wish you the best!

I would journal things, like what she ate that day, hours of sleep and such and look for a pattern. It could be something as simple as food coloring in her food. Otherwise, she just may be a very temperamental child! Can you attribute what the tantrums are about? Maybe pinpointing her hot button prior to the tantrum can help.

Dr. Sears has some good advice about that:
http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/discipline-behavior

Occasionally, when he's really really mad, my six year old will SCREAM at the top of his lungs. I told him to quickly stop it because the neighbours would call the police on us! I was actually afraid that they would - a lot of noise comes from our house with three little boys, but sometimes it sounds like they're being tortured! Anyway, the thought of the police coming around stopped him quick-smart. I'm sure there's better ways to do it, but I'm an imperfect, tired, busy mom. Like most of us.

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It's not that unusual for some kids to still have tantrums at 5, though most kids are dropping them by about that age. My 5 year old has them sometimes too--almost always when he is tired and has to make a transition between activities (he is terrible with transitions, even with warnings). I would look for the patterns and see if it is getting worse or better over a few months or so. If it is getting worse not better or getting in the way of school or other activities then look for some professional help. If it isn't a major problem for your family, you might give her a little while to outgrow it on her own.

Can I ask a question...that I feel is very important to your situation?? Did you just start implementing time-outs and discipline, or did you always do this, since she was a young toddler? I'd love to answer your question, if you don't mid giving that information.