Is This Normal Behavior for a 3 Year Old? HELP!

Hi, H.. I do think this behavior is normal for many children, especially boys. I also think you are doing a great job explaining to him what he is doing wrong and what he needs to do to be nice. I do think time out is effective for some children, but not all. Something you might try is if he hits at the store, for example, he doesn't get to go to the store next time, and when he stays at home, he has to play quietly by himself until you get home. Sometimes, children receive so much attention- even negative attention, that they continue to do the negative behavior. He may feel your tension and frustration and embarrassment, and likes the control that gives him. Children are constantly trying to feel in control of their environment. He may feel like his brother is getting more positive attention than him, and so to get your attention, he is going to be ornery with him. Keep up with the separating of toys and putting him on his bed for a time-out. He needs to be alone when he can't respect other people or their things. This is a great lesson for him to learn. Keep up the good work, and hang in there. Good Luck!

How is he doing with his development? Is he on target with his fine and gross motor skills? Speech? Does he make good eye contact? How is he with other kids and does he share his toys?

I believe this is normal for that age. My son will be 4 in August and went thru the same thing about the time he turned 3. He has mellowed out quite recently. Alot of my sons problem was jealousy, I lost my job and decided to start an inhome daycare and he did not want to share his mommy. I tried time-outs, spanking, taking things away that he loved, putting him in bed, to no avail. Finally I took a stool from the breakfast counter, sat it in the middle of the room and made him sit there while the other 2 kids played. He HATED this and it seems to have worked. I also had to get very strict with him about everything so that he new who the boss was. Like I said he just in the past month or so has mellowed out alot, he does not hit anyone anymore and usually if he does get in trouble all I have to do is say the word time - out and he shapes up. Hopefully your son will pass thru this phase quickly but you have to be stern and find out what works with him - every child is different. Hope that is a little help to you, 3 is a very hard age, both for mom and child! E.

Hi H.,
Wow, I have a 9yr old boy and 7yr old girl (two older girls as well) but my son when he was little did the same thing. It was horrible and embarrassing! He was constantly doing that to every kid around. I was horrified! I hate to say that he still is pretty aggressive to his sister and spends quite a bit of time in his room, or nose in the corner. What works best these days is making him get on his knees and hands behind his back put his nose on the wall and stay there for a while depending on the severity of what he did. My daughter is seriously tougher for it but he always enjoys getting a rise out of her. He is super smart, sweet, giving etc, but just won't leave Brett alone! This summer I am dreading because of the drama. We are getting a pool and he will be grounded from that so I'm sure that will help. Mostly his boredom was the reason he picked on her. Just keep on him like you are and be consistent and it will help. I swear my child has anger issues! When he gets mad he can't control his anger well and we have to remove him from situations but is doing better as he gets older. I know he loves her but he thinks SHE is his entertainment! Be strong!
J.

It does sound like he is a bit jealous....but some of the behavior can hurt others and if he continues and isn't understanding (apologies don't mean understanding or really taking responsibility for actions) time after time there might be more going on. Especially if it is geared to total strangers. That is a major call out for attention and in a negative way. I had one of my 3 who would get so upset she coudln't calm herself down when things did not go her way.....and we ended up taking her for evaluations and well - we where told she was ok - but some kids just are not born with some of our normal calm down type triggers or anger calm down triggers and we worked with a behavior therapist. She is now 15 and will still have a moment now and then (slamming doors/throwing her phone which actually only happened once as it broke and she did not get a nice replacement) but those are not that often. I would check into it if this continues.
I wonder what she would be like if we did not work on and continue to work on her temper.
Barb