12 answers

Is This for Real!!!

Everytime I walk out of the room to go get some coffe/potty what have you my 91/2 month old cries like crazy she has a hard time going to her fathe when he comes home even for him to put her to slpeep.She refuses to go to sleep I dont undrstand I talk to her if im a few feet away and she cant see me to let her know I am ther it doesnt work.Anybody know what this is?

What can I do next?

Featured Answers

I go through this with my 1 yo son and my husband hates it. He says "hes a mommas boy". lol I leave him with a bottle or toys to keep him occupied while i go to do something sometimes it helps. Like right now hes sleeping so i get to go on the computer. lol Good Luck!

More Answers

It sounds like seperation anxiety. I actually just read something about this the other day. My third child is going to be 1 year on June 1st. She is going through this for the second time. I don't remember my other 2 going through it twice but that is exactly what I read the other day. I can't remember the time frames but I think it was something like 3-6 months and then again between 9-12 months. It could actually be 6-9 and 12-18 months but not really sure... they will eventually get over it though.

I have a 16 month old and I should say that I have been blessed. My daughter will have a problem and cry if I leave her with her father during the day but if he immediately distracts her she doesn't even care that I am gone. In the beginning she never wanted her father and I told my husband that he needed to interact with her more so she would be comfortable. See I play with my daughter alot where my husband is not. The more I leave her with him for them to bond the better it gets but I believe the seperation anxiety never goes away because they always want to be with us. I hope this helps

hi R., this is very normal, she doesnt yet understand object permanence, she thinks that when something/someone is out of sight it is gone forever. play a lot of peekaboo games with her, not only you but with objects, other people, etc. hide her face, too, not just your own. also, talk to her from another room where she cant see you so she understands you still exist, i know you do that, keep it up and have others do it too. also, what helped us a lot during some really clingy phases was to have my husband or even my son be the one who goes to her and "saves" her when she is crying. as moms, we are usually the ones who go, especially at night if youre a sahm, i assume. let hubby or your other kids do it too, several times in a row if you can. either way, this too shall pass. take care, D.

Sounds like separation anxiety.....my 11 month old daughter has a permanent case of it. I can't walk away from her. My husband feels so horrible when she doesn't want to go to him, but she only wants me. I think part of our daughter's separation anxiety is that I am a SAHM who breastfeeds, so I am the one feeding and putting her to sleep all the time and when that changes it upsets her. I don't have any advice...sorry, but I wanted to share my similar story.

YES.... Unfortunately I am dealing with the same problem.. My daughter is 8months and I cant even get in the shower( with her in the bathroom with me, by the time I put shampoo in my hair she is screamming. If not tended too quickly she gets so worked up that she chokes and vomits.. My sister said it is separation anxiety and with her daughter and her friends twin it didnt get any better and they are all almost 2... If anyone has any sugestion I too would appreciate them.. Sorry I am not of any help but you are not alone in this.

i absolutely agree with everyone else, it is definitely seperation anxiety. my daughter had it bad, now, she still has it, but it's definitely easier to deal with. once we figured out what it was, we started the whole peak-a-boo thing, and it kinda helped. we just made it a BIG game, not closing the eyes then opening, we'd put her in one room, facing the door, then walk away, and as soon as we heard her start to whine (right before the horrible "i'm being murdered" death screech) we would jump back in the door way and say peak-a-boo. and we'd do it over and over again for about 10 min, each time, we'd be able to stay out of her sight longer and longer. and just so happens, that's how we started cleaning another room, while she stayed with her toys. sometimes we'd throw a little blanket over her head(like the ones they wrap them in at the hospital), and when she'd get it off, we'd say peak-a-boo...after she got used to that, we'd hide on her, and when jumpin out...she'd laugh. this eased her into being without us. and a good reason for her doing this for you, and not wanting to go to daddy, is because YOU'RE ALWAYS THERE! i HAVE TO give her away to someone just to get her used to not being around me, just incase we need a babysitter, we don't want to have her freak the whole time we're out. and don't worry when you hand her off to your husband for him to spend some time with her, just do it a little different. instead of saying, go to daddy and walking away, have him pick her up and stand there with you, then have HIM slowly walk away with her and then once they're out of sight, RUN :o) go and do whatever you have to do (even if it's just to sit and relax!!!) my daughter still has her anxiety when we walk away, but if someone has her and they walk away from us, she could care less! also, sometimes to go into another room, we'll put toys around her and some tv on and she gets so involved with that, that she sometimes doesn't even noticed that we've left her side. early morning is the best time to get everything done (i just put disney chnnl on for her "background" noise, she plays and turns to watch from time to time) find a movie that she likes, or tape (dvd) with nothing but singing (we have sesame street silly songs). once you find what keeps her attention, it will be easier for you to leave the room when it's just the 2 of you. i hope some of my suggestions help you. let me know...and if you have any questions, or would like to talk about any of those ideas...just email me. GOOD LUCK, it WILL get better!

My son did this too - you'll be happy to know that developmentally, she is right on the mark for separation anxiety! Good news #2 - it goes away.
Good luck


If you figure this out please let me know how you are able to stop it. My inlaws think its because I drop him off in the morning, but hes fine there. I go into bathroom, or run upstairs to put clothes on bed and run back down, you would think someone is hurting him. I walk towards the gate and he starts. His father could be sitting right there and he still goes on and on. When his father is home with him he does not do this, only with me. If I am cooking dinner - hes under my feet. I have been letting him cry and I dont know what else to do. D.

Hi R.,

I go through the same thing with my 9 month old. He will play in his pack n play or exersaucer happily if I am in the room but when i walk away he starts to scream or if he is playing on his own and I walk by he screams for me to pick him up. I believe it's separation anxiety and they should grow out of it. I also try talking to him while I'm in the kitchen cooking or cleaning but it doesn't help much. I let him cry for a few minutes and then I go to him and try to give him something new to play with. It doesn't always work so i just keep trying different toys or move him to a different location (pack n play, crib, exersaucer, etc. ) or I sit with him on the floor and play with him for a while and then try to put him down again.

I recently had to go away for the weekend for a wedding and I left my son with my husband and he actually behaved better with my husband than with me. He wasn't as clingy and he went to bed a lot faster. If you can get away from your daughter for maybe just an evening or go for a walk at bedtime so she is alone with your husband it may be easier for them to bond. I know this isn't always possible but it's worth a try if you can do it. My son is still very attached to me but I have noticed that he is happier when daddy gets home from work and my husband is now able to bathe him and put him down to sleep.
Good luck!!


Hi R.
Seperation anietixy. My son did that if I left him even for a few minutes. Dont worry she will grow out of it



Separation anxiety. Right around the time that babieslearn to crawl, separation anxiety kicks in. It happens because they now understand that if they can go away from you just by deciding to move, you can do the same thing, and leave them behind. A lot of babies also don't have the idea of object permanence down yet, so they don't fully understand that things that have gone out of sight have not ceased to exist. asfar as she knows, the minute you disappear, you've left the face of the earth, and now she's all alone and Mommyless.

It's totally normal, and will typically resolve itself as she figure out that you come back. Try to get her involved in something that holds her attention when you walk away, like a favorite toy or book or something. Talking and singing while you're out of sight is great, it will help her realize that you still exist, even if she can't see you. To help this along, play peek-a-boo with her, or hid a toy under a blanket, and play the "Where's teddy" game. That reinforces the same concept. She'll get it, and soon she'll be really mobile, and way less interested in where you are than she is in what she's doing.


I go through this with my 1 yo son and my husband hates it. He says "hes a mommas boy". lol I leave him with a bottle or toys to keep him occupied while i go to do something sometimes it helps. Like right now hes sleeping so i get to go on the computer. lol Good Luck!

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