Is This an OK Way of Doing Time Out?

Don't underestimate the power of putting things in time out! If he throws a toy, the toy goes into time out.

My daughter is much older, but when she was younger I'd put her toys in time out. That was easier than making her sit, which she wouldn't do. Toys went on the refrigerator until the timer went off. She'd usually end up sitting in front of the refrigerator, watching the timer and the toys. When she was calm, her things came out of time-out.

Good luck!

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My son would never stay in time-out. My pediatrician told me that I should say to my son calmly, "if you can't stay in time out than I'm going to help you to stay in time-out." He told me to sit with him in the time-out chair and hold him in my lap. I wasn't crazy about that solution.

Sooo, I did what supernanny does, and just kept putting him back in the same time-out spot every time he got up. And, it worked! It wasn't 200x either, maybe 10. He figured out that he was going to have to stay in that time-out spot until I told him it was time to get up.

The other problem I had was that he'd scream and yell while sitting in time-out. At first I allowed it, after just getting him to stay in the time-out. Now he needs sit quietly before coming out. he figured out that I wouldn't let him get up until he stopped yelling.

Some people don't believe in time-outs, but they work for my two boys. They usually come out of time-out happier, relaxed and ready to try again.

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i would do that time to time. then i got a naughty chair. my daughter would sit on that for her time out. now my daughter sits on her bed. my rule is that she can come out when she is calm and ready to apologize. then we talk about why she was put in there. i have done that since she was 2.
i think what you are doing is fine... i would start having him calm down before being able to play. he should learn that the time to be angry and upset is over and now its time to listen.

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I certainly wouldn't say it's wrong because every parent does things differently and no two kids are the same. I will share with you how I do time out & you can draw your own conclusions. :)

If my DD would act up, for example, hit Mommy for not getting the doll she wanted.....

I take her to time out, telling her as she sits down why she's there.

If she get's up, the time out starts over, completely.
If she screams and cries, the time out starts over, completely.

Half way through time out, I would remind her why she's there.

Once time out is over (full time spent not throwing a fit or leaving), I would sit down and I would ask her to tell me why she's in time out. Once we agree on why she was there, I have her apologize and then we both say I love you. We hug it out and leave it there.

While yes, time out can be used as a calming moment for the child to gether themselves, that's the lesson you talk about in the time out then. "You are in time out because you will not stop screaming and I think you need a break. Once you can be calm for 2 minutes, we'll talk."

If you give in to the child though and let him get up or let him cry the whole time, like you said, nothing is sinking in. Also, you are teaching him if he throws a big enough fit, he will get his way (out of the time out spot and into the crib already worked).

I hope my insight helps you. I'm sure other moms won't agree but this is the way I do things and I have a very very unspoiled, well rounded, well adjusted 4 year old daughter. BTW, we started time outs when she was like 18 months old. As soon as she was able to understand what "NO" means. LOL! :)

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The only time we make the kids go and stay in one place on time out is if something has reached a point where someone is going to get hurt or something is going to get broken. And then it's the need to take them away from the situation more than punishment. We have had to put them in their crib but we never walk out of the room and leave them alone. We don't sit and entertain them, but we don't leave them alone.
We put items on time out. The offending toy for example or they loose some activity or something.
Helping them find other ways to express their anger or frustration is far more fruitful than just punishing endlessly. Sitting there and helping him calm down is better than making him sit down somewhere and walking away from him.

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Have you ever seen Super Nanny? I love that show. What Jo recommends is keep putting them there, even if it is 200 times. It works for my kids once they realize they are never going to win and they need to sit there one minute for each year of age. I set them down, tell them why there are there and they can get up when the TIMER says so (takes the beggin' off of your shoulders cos' it is not up to you when they can get up). If they get up do not speak to them and set them back on the chair and walk away. when time is up go to them and tell them why they were there, tell them to say sorry or what not and hugs and kisses. all punishment over. I love this and it works for my 2 and 3 year old.

Best Wishes-

C.

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That sounds like a lot of drama to me. Plus it's not really good for the long run. Time outs don't end when the crib goes away.
I have always just sent my girls to their rooms, shut the door, and invited them to come out "when they were ready" when the time out is done. Yes we have tantrums..but they are not invited to come out until they stop crying and get themselves under control. In the beginning I had to place them in their rooms..and a few extreme times I held the door shut (to ensure I had a time out from them as well). Time outs are meant to have a safe time of "reflection" on what they did so it hopefully does not happen again.

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he may be a trifle young for the supernanny solution, which is the best one IMO (putting them back patiently and inexorably until they understand that yes, you mean it.) so it may be necessary to tweak it a bit. if he's throwing a toy, that toy gets put away and does not come back out for X amount of time. if he's throwing household necessities like pans, soap dishes or cats, he goes to the time-out chair. if he is too wiggly to stay there, you might have to sit there with him. but the goal will be to get him to stay there by himself, which means at some point you're going to need to supernanny him. i myself would not use his bed as the time-out place.
i wouldn't layer on too many consequences or the level of anxiety just skyrockets and the original infraction gets lost. keep it very simple and comprehensible.
and don't reward him afterward. going in time-out is a natural consequence for misbehavior, not an unfortunate accident for which he should be comforted. letting him know he's always loved no matter what? of course. but that can happen without giving him extra special snuggle time or rewarding him with his favorite activity. melt-downs, tantrums and naughtiness don't necessarily call for punishment, but they certainly shouldn't be rewarded.
khairete
S.

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I have 2 questions: 1. is this the crib he sleeps in? This is a bad idea if it is. and 2. Does he seem to process why he is in time out? It seems like at almost 3 he should understand, but no, the whole point of time out is to make the child do something he doesn't want to ie sit in one spot. This lets him feel responsible for his actions and reinforces that he shouldn't do whatever he did. Sometimes it is a cool off period, and if its that, then he should learn to take himself away from the situation (with your help obviously) until he is able to be himself again. Maybe give this a try and see if there are any better results.

ETA: Jacy said it better than me, do what she said!

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You've gotten some good responses already, but I'd like to piggy back a bit.

I'll echo those that said you should avoid using the crib. If you MUST contain him get a pack and play or something. The time-out spot should be a spot used JUST for time-out, otherwise, it sends mixed messages about what it means to be sent there.

To keep him in the spot, you really need to just walk him back and put him there until he stays for his 2.5 or 3 minutes (1 min per year of age). You do not need to give him a separate consequence for not staying in the chair, but you DO need to get him back on the chair and restart the clock (I guess that's kind of the consequence). It's not 2 minutes total... it's 2 continuous minutes. When he gets up, to chase him, don't talk to him, don't yell at him, just walk him over and put him back on the spot.

I'd also recommend not actually picking him up to take him to time out. If he won't walk on his own, stand behind him and kind of lift him by his shoulders and walk him over, but keep him vertical and approximating walking (if that makes any sense), because the goal is for him to walk over by himself.

Also, make sure you're giving him a verbal warning so he has a chance to correct the behavior without the timeout.... timeout isn't meant to work as a "punishment" it's more of a sophisticated redirection and avoiding future behavior tool. Spitting once doesn't need a timeout... it needs correction... if he spits AGAIN (like pretty soon after, not ever again in life), then give the timeout.

Hope this helps,
T.

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The way to get him to sit in one spot is to sit and hold him in your lap there. I had to do this at first with my little guy to help him understand what I expected. While you are there explain why he is taking a time out, that he needs to calm down before he can go back to playing, or that he must be tired because he spit so he needs to take a little break. At almost 3 he should be using his words more rather than reacting in frustration, so encourage him to tell you what's wrong before he throws something or spits. When you see he's about to lose it remind him to "Use your words, tell me what is wrong."

Also consider putting the item he threw in time out. When my guy threw something he lost it for a bit, the second time he lost it for a day. If he threw it the day it was returned to him he lost it for 3 days. I would put it out of his reach but where he could see it, so when he asked for it I could remind him he lost it because he threw it. After that happening a few times the light bulb went on and he pretty much stopped throwing things.

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I don't like the crib because you don't want to make "bed" a negative place.

Have you tried other things other than time out? Have you read the Love and Logic books. I think those could help you.

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I wouldn't make his crib a time-out location unless you want to ask for sleep problems.

You may have to have him sit in his chair and gently hold him there for the time, especially at his age. Or, if he won't stay, you can remove yourself from the room for 2 minutes and leave him alone. Or, you can practice time-in vs. time-out where you silently hold him in your lap or have him sit next to you for a few minutes, where he still feels connected to you while being redirected from an inappropriate action.

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With my little girl we had to keep picking her up and silently putting her back in the corner. We had to keep doing it over and over and over, but now she stays there and doesn't move. In fact, one day I forgot she was there! And you know what? She didn't budge.
It's hard to keep at it, but in the long run it will pay off.
Mind you, we didn't try this in ten hour marathon time-out sessions like some people here, but we were consistant.
I do COMPLETELY agree with things going in time out though. Take a favorite toy away for a period of time. Maybe that would help!

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If you pick him up after the timeout and then do something he wants to do, you are rewarding his misbehavior. All that will accomplish is for him to misbehave more.

Time out ought not to be in his bed or crib because when you put him down for the night you are "punishing" him in his mind.

Have him stand in the corner facing the corner. He should spend 2 minutes in the corner for each year he is old. Then when you let him out explain why he was in the corner and then NO TREATS when you let him go to play.

If the bad behavior is repeated, I would give my kids a small swat on the behind/diaper. If they did it again the swat would be more intense.

Good luck to you and yours.

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Do you have access to a play pen or pack n play? I would use it instead of his crib. He will start to associate his crib with unpleasantness and you will possibly end up having trouble getting him to sleep. Plus, you will want to switch him to a real bed and dismantle the crib at some point.

I would put the play pen in the corner of the living room.

More than anything, I think you need to stop holding him and rewarding him when he's crying because of being put in time out. You are in essence rewarding him for all his crying.

I would also take away whatever he has thrown. Tell him that when we throw our toys, we lose them. Mean it - it goes away for at least a week.

I would not take him out of the play pen if he's angry and screaming at you. I would tell him that when he is done crying, he can get out of time out. You are letting him rule you, M. - there is no point in disciplining him the way you are doing it. What he gets from it is controlling you.

There is a power struggle because you are letting there be one. You need to win this now so that later, he isn't having tantrums beyond the pale.

When he figures out that you aren't going to get him out of the play pen unless he straightens up, he'll straighten up. Just keep coming back in the room and saying "Are you done crying yet?" If he continues crying, walk back out. When he DOES stop crying, say to him "We do NOT spit. I will put you in time out AGAIN if you spit." I believe that you shoud tell him to say "I'm sorry" (not everyone agrees with this, I understand, but I believe that it might help him see that he is wrong). And then don't sit down with him.

When he is older, around 4, THEN try the Supernanny approach. I think it's harder for some personality types. Some of these kids this young just need to be contained, and I think that your son fits the bill. However, you need to stop rewarding him for his behavior while in time out.

D.

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A time out is not suppose to be a punishment (and the aftermath is not a reward).
It's suppose to be time spent away from an area/activity so as to re-direct away from the misbehavior and/or being out of control.
When my son needed a time out, I usually took him to his room and sat with him in the rocking chair.
He'd exhaust himself then want a hug/kiss/snuggle and the storm would be over.
It was like the angry out of control feelings he got almost scared him and he NEEDED to know he was loved after it was all over.
By the time he was 4 he was over tantrums and he didn't need time outs anymore.
The taking him away from the misbehavior let him know he should not be doing it.
Everyone gets angry - it takes time to learn to get over it and how to handle it (and even some adults don't have this down yet).
And the making up afterward lets him know HE'S still loved even though what he was doing was naughty - separate the action/choice from the person.
"I always love YOU even if I don't always love some of your choices".

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Watch Supernanny or Nanny 911.

The best way to keep a child in time-out is to keep putting them there until they stop leaving and/or fighting it. And when the 2 minutes is up ask him why he was in time-out and explain why he was in trouble. Also, make sure he gives an apology for misbehaving or not listening before you allow him to leave. Even a child that can't speak well can understand hugs and kisses. The point to a time-out is discipline. As a parent you have to make sure he is learning something or you're just wasting your time.

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I'm not a fan of timeout as punishment. For our toddlers, it just doesn't work--they can't sit still, and they need something immediate to correct them. So, when my 19 month old daughter hits, she has to immediately say sorry and "show them gentle" with a better touch. My boys, though, who are 4 and 8, have timeouts, mostly because *their* bad behavior comes from being too tightly wound, spending too much time in the same company--things where removing them from the situation is actually beneficial. Because they are 4 and 8, I can send them pretty much anywhere for timeout (yesterday, we were playing with friends, and my 8 year old, frustrated that nobody wanted to do what he wanted to, refused to make room for his friends, and then called me stupid--into my room he went, for 10 minutes, to cool down). What I try to remember when I'm "punishing" my kids is this: What do *I* do that's socially acceptable (or not!) when *I* am mad? What would I like to teach my children to do? Because ultimately, all of parenting is about teaching our children to function well in society and to be happy, productive people. And, I guess, I don't always think that punishing our kids well does that--providing thoughtful consequences, though, *should*.

Watch supernanny. She says just keep putting them back in the timeout spot/chair and the time doesn't start until the child has quieted down. So the 2 minutes of screaming and crying in the crib don't count.

I personally don't agree with using a child's bed as a timeout spot. It seems to me that the child will associate negative consequences with his/her bed. You don't want a child to think they are being punished when they are put to bed nightly. I would get a chair in a corner and just keep putting him back in it. I've seen it go on on Supernanny for an hour, but the child finally stayed and the next time they were put in timeout spot, they stayed the first time.