Is This a Good Idea?

Sorry, I stopped reading after the '20 year old male college student/buddies' part.

I've got a male college student, 2nd year, and another one starting NEXT year. I've SEEN what a group of college boys can do to a place.

So, I'm with YOU, I don't see it as 'smart' either!

:)

7 moms found this helpful

Sorry - no freaking way. he's already being enabled and has the sense of entitlement.

He won't pay rent but wants the master? He doesn't have any financial responsibilities? WTH?!? Seriously? Even when I went to CC before my Bachelors, I had financial responsibilities.

It's YOUR place. fix it up and rent it out. Tell him that if he wants to live there - fine. Get a job. Give me first and last month's deposit. Sign a contract. You are an adult. Start acting like one.

Your husband and his parents are doing him more harm than good by enabling him to not be financially responsible.

Stand your ground. NO. FREAKING way.

6 moms found this helpful

NO!! Wait, wait... ummm NO!!! Okay, I can put this more politely--- NO!!!! Look, if they all already have jobs and a record of paying their bills maybe. Well, NO! It sounds like he is having his way paid for him now and honestly why should he work when he's got the gravy train working for him. And his friends aren't going to feel any need to pay either, he's not. Really they're not, they are going to join him on the gravy train knowing you are taking care of him and not throw him out and they can just hang on. If he really needed help with a place to live and you could absolutely afford to give him the house to live without strain, gee that is nice of you but should you have to scrimp so he can have a house instead of sleeping in his own room at home every night or in a dorm? If you do this absolutely do not spend any money fixing it up first. Safety violations yes, but I certainly wouldn't do anything else. If they want to make it nicer they can do it themselves. Freecycle and Craigslist for furniture that THEY go get for themselves. We have a rental. We rented to friends once. Never, ever, ever again. We even refused my one and only nephew a while ago. Friends and family just feel thy have special dispensation for everything. We can not afford to house someone for free. Insurance, taxes, upkeep it all adds up. I know I sound harsh, I don't mean to sound mean but we've been there and I'd love to save someone from what we've been through...

5 moms found this helpful

Umm, I think its a REAL bad idea. Hes an adult, hes needs a job!
If you they think its going to make him mature, by giving him a place rent free, I just dont understand.
If he needs some place to live, make him get a job FIRST, that can pay the rent and the utilities, make him sign a contract and be a tenant.
I think its time to cut the cord on this kid.
When I was 20, I worked, went to school and OWNED my own home.

5 moms found this helpful

No way. And why is he only going to school part-tme if he isn't working also?

5 moms found this helpful

No way, bad, bad idea. He is enabled already, and having everything given to him will certainly not "give him the opportunity to get a job"....he can get a job anywhere he lives, and in my opinion, should have had a job for a few years now. But why would he even want to get a job if family is paying everything for him??

I highly discourage giving your SS the place, but if that's what you decide, don't put the money in it to fix it up. I've been to college, on-campus housing and off, and I lived in a fraternity house for a year and a half with 11 guys. I've seen it all. DO NOT FIX IT UP.

5 moms found this helpful

At the risk of beating a dead horse, this sounds like a bad idea.

However, there will probably be family pressure to solve his problem yet again. So if you're forced to rent it to him I would 1) not redo ANYTHING, unless it is really foul. They're just going to trash it. 2) set it up like a business deal -- rent, security deposit (2 or 3 months), right to evict, etc. 3) Charge a sliding scale based on room size and if he wants to pay for the biggest room, let him, just get a few months up front. Know that you might have a hard time evicting him.

And why ARE you paying for everything?????

5 moms found this helpful

I'm just going to say that if you put new carpet and paint and money into this, you shouldn't be putting college students in it. They will ruin it because that's what college students DO. And you need to have a rental contract for each tenant, make them pay a deposit, AND he who doesn't pay rent gets the SMALLEST room. The tenant who pays the most gets the biggest room.

Dear Anne or Dear Abby, I forget which one, had a great answer to this question. Wish I had it for you.

You know, this kid will ask for the moon. That doesn't mean you have to give it to him. And making the place "beautiful" for him will just spoil him and make him feel that you "owe" him more and more. Don't go there. Really. The best way to help him grow up is to rein him in and give him a reason to want to be successful and get a good job after graduation (or before!).

Good luck,
D.

4 moms found this helpful

All rentals EXCEPT college rentals get the redo between tennants.

College rentals (from experience) often need new paint (how DOES one get dog prints on the ceiling???) but you generally don't want to put a lot of money into the rest. Or they'll end up with thousands on their cleaning bill that they can't pay because all new carpets have to be had (beer, missing the toilet or peeing directly on the carpet, cigarette ash, bong water, stains from ya don't wanna know what). Even with 4 extremely responsible lawstudents, a single party = needing new carpets.

Stuff BREAKS more often with kids, as well... because they haven't "gotten" the idea you can't put oil down the drain, need to sit gently on the toilet, keep the fan on in the bathroom, don't hang from the/ climb on the the ________ (fridge door, banister, gutters, the list goes on an on), etc,.

If you DO decide to rent it

a) don't put a lot of money into the rehab
b) EVERYONE'S name goes on the lease
c) damage deposit *hefty* up front
d) they can sort their own durn living arrangements (aka don't get in the middle... single price for the whole house... and they choose their own rooms. Don't be surprised if someone chooses a living room, btw.)

4 moms found this helpful

if your inlaws are paying his tuition and you're paying all his other bills...

yeah you are all past the "enabling" point.

you're wanting to draw the line and they don't see a need for a line.

i have to say i would be a lot harder on him than any of you are.

3 moms found this helpful

20, part time in college, family pays for virtually everything - um, would you adopt me? I'm sorry, but I think I am with you on this one - the fact that he wants the master bedroom in your rental house that he will not be paying rent for, but his friends/roommates will be paying for (smaller rooms), shows a sense of entitlement that is going to be hard to break.

How bought you all rent the house to regular, non-related tenants for a 6 month renewable lease, and tell your SS that if he has gotten and maintained a job, and saved at least 3 months of his share of rent and expenses that you will lease the house to him for 6 months. This would be in addition to his picking up his own phone, auto and other expenses. He is only taking 9 hours of classes, leaving with him with about 50 hours a week for employment.

Eh, just my thoughts - it is what I would do if my son were 20. I love him, I want to help him get were he is going, but the only way to do that is to make him a responsible adult.

Good Luck.

3 moms found this helpful

BAD idea. I know two sets of couples that have rental properties. One rented (almost free) to a family member, one rented to a paying best friend like family. BOTH times, it ruined their relationships. I have a rule that I will never work with, live with, or rent to family and good friends. It never turns out well. AND, you're talking about several 20 year olds? You've been 20. You've been around 20 year old boys. You know what they do, I'm assuming. How messy and careless they can be. Parties. Alcohol. Other people. No. Bad idea. BAD.

Somehow, I managed to be in school full-time, have 2 part time jobs, AND pay rent. So do thousands of other kids. Time for him to take care of himself. Not get a free ride for him AND allow friends to live there. Why stretch yourself, for something you don't want to do...?

3 moms found this helpful

Are you serious?!
I think that if your in-laws really want to pay rent to put your SS up, then they should offer the rent to his friend's folks, that he is spending 4 nights a week at their house already. If they have a problem with that... I'd ask WHY? No difference really. They are still paying his way while he does nothing but enjoy the free ride. Except that YOU aren't on the hook for any damages...

3 moms found this helpful

I have a bit different opinion. I think if he is going to go to school that he needs to do that full time. You cannot get the straight "A"'s needed for the good jobs anymore without them. He needs to consider school his full time job.

This is what I would do to consider how this will work out.

Live in dorms, food plan, etc...how much. He needs to be able to focus on school full time. I think most of my friends pay about $1500 per month for this.

Live in rental house with room mates paying actual rent, him not anything. How much out of pocket for you.

3 moms found this helpful

I think you need to not rent to family. It always gets complicated and can ruin relationships. Make a personal policy to not rent to family and you never have to deal with the heartache of business vs. personal. Rent to a real tenant who has credit references, rental history etc. Its a much smarter move---as for SS, you can help him find a good place to rent without being on the hook moneywise. GL

M

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We are talking about your husband's son, not some charity case. There are hundreds of thousands of parents who foot a majority of the bill to get their kids launched, and nobody calls a kid whose parents are paying their college tuition a "slacker"...when would it stop? Did you think that there was some magic cutoff when he turned 18 your family wouldn't be impacted by him financially anymore? Yes, generally sometime after he graduates college and can find a job then he can transition to being completely self supporting.

In this economy the percentage of unemployed youth (young people under 25) is around 50% and a recent study of 2011 graduates found that EIGHTY FIVE PERCENT are moving back home with mom and dad due to debt/lack of a job upon graduation. This isn't the fault of those kids. Grown adults with years of experience are having a hard time in this economy, and you expect a 20 year old to just suddenly be able to make it on his own?

Put him in the best possible situation to be able to take care of himself. If that means setting him up with housing so that he can find a job and finish school, then so be it. Be grateful that you can do THIS so that you likely won't have to be paying his bills when he's 30 something.

He and his buddies want the house, let THEM put the elbow grease into fixing it up and painting and all that stuff. You do NOT have to furnish it. That's just silly. You CAN collect rent from his friends and that should offset the mortgage at least in part. It's fine if he has the master bedroom, it's his family's house and it's nobody's business if he pays rent or not that's an arrangement between you and your husband and him. I know a lot of kids who rented rooms to friends in condos their parents had purchased for them for college.

I've read your other q about this kid, and honestly...despite the fact you've been his SM for 15ish years, he's not your kid his life has been very different from that of YOUR children who have an in-tact family and the benefit of two supportive parents. Don't think for a second that it doesn't sting a bit or hurt a WHOLE hell of a lot to be the kid with half a family at your house and half a family at his moms when his siblings have it much better. That sucks. My husband (despite his parents ultimately getting divorced) had his parents together until he was a teen and his step siblings were on the outside looking in constantly. They eventually stopped visiting because they felt like they were imposing on their father's new family.

If it were me, I'd do absolutely whatever I could for this kid and not in a dumb way but in a completely compassionate way hoping that *god forbid* if something ever happened to me or to my marriage that my husband's new wife would treat my children kindly and generously. Nurture him, in my opinion, that's the best way to get where you need to go. He doesn't need tough love, it's been tough enough already.

3 moms found this helpful

If you are going to rent to a bunch of college guys, I would not fix it up. If he's only taking 3 classes, he is capable of working part-time (even if he's living 30 minutes away). Good luck!

3 moms found this helpful

I wouldn't do it. I would fix up the condo and rent it out, with a "real" rental agreement. That being said, the only way I would agree to rent it out to him is if you were to treat him like a real renter. He'll need to get a job, to show he can afford the rent etc. Set out the expectations and consequences, and stick to them. Evict if/when necessary (eg no rent). However, who wants/needs to go that tough love route? Have someone else be the "evil" landlord role in his life, and don't rent to him. And certainly don't GIVE it to him. If your in-laws want so desperately to support him, they can invite him (and his buddies) to live at their place.

3 moms found this helpful

DO NOT rent to relatives unless you can afford to foot the entire bill.
Seriously, this is a huge mistake.

Also, you can get carpet cheap by going to whoever the builders use.
I told the owner "Builder x sent me for the builder's special." It was $11 a yard installed with thickest pad.

3 moms found this helpful

By the age of 20 I was in my junior year in college at Georgia Tech.

I was working part time at McDonald's and had good enough grades for a scholarship that took care of many of my needs.

You are doing him no favors in flipping the bill for this. If he hasn't been working and he is 20 years old, he should be further along in his college "career" than he is. Which tells me he is "living the life of entitlement".

It's NEVER a good idea to go into business with family or rent to family. We rent our first home to my sister. Even with a contract, she pays rent late. OOOH P. - you understand, it's been a slow month. Uhh. Yeah. I understand but it's not my fault. For us, it's a great thing that we don't count on that income and already have that home take care of. It's not fun. My wife and I are considering not renewing her lease this year. Don't rent to family.

3 moms found this helpful

I think it's a terrible idea.

2 moms found this helpful

If you are going to put college students in the house, don't fix it up.

Here's what I would do. I would set the rent at whatever amount and then set an occupancy number (and decide on a 'living allowance' that SS will receive...whether he spends it on food and rent or something else is up to him). If your SS and his friends can cover the rent and utilities, great. If not, then you need to rent to others. I would make it clear that they will be treated as tenants which means they abide by the lease or suffer the consequences.

It seems that whether you put him in the house or not, you are going to be supporting him financially so if you rent it to his friends, you could at least make something from it. Make the friend's parents parental guarantors so if their kids don't pay, they have to.

Good luck.

2 moms found this helpful

Here is how I view this: So far, up till now, your SS has had a free ride (not saying that's bad--it's just a fact).

There is no incentive for him to get a job, even if you move him & his friends into the rental. And even if he says he understands that he has to pay rent, in his mind, it may very well be just another "perk" of being your SS/his dad's son and getting the free ride on this, too.

I wouldn't do it, if I were you. If he wants his own place, then tell him you'll help him with the deposit and help him with the search. But that's it.

2 moms found this helpful

If you rent to them, I would suggest saving the remodeling money. Once they are done with college and move out, then start the painting...

2 moms found this helpful

What kind of a student/person is he? Why is he only going to school part time? Why are you all paying for everything for him? He needs to get his butt in gear and get a plan in place about finishing school. He needs to meet with a counselor and write it down. Full loads of classes if possible. If you all want to support him and pay for things for him I would make the stipulation that he needs to be in school full time and he needs to get passing grades. If he wants to be in school part time then he can get a job and pay his own way in life. I was a very responsible college student - I went to school full time in the sciences and always took a huge load of classes (18 credits every semester). I also had 2 to 3 part time jobs at a time bc I was putting myself through school. I paid my own way for just about everything and had to take out loans. My mom helped when she could but she was only able to help that first year of college and then she was broke. I shared a house with 3 friends which was cheaper than the dorms (which I started off in). My share of the rent was $125 a month (so cheap for that big old house!). We always paid our rent on time, but we did have huge parties every now and then. We did not respect the house or take good care of it...but people who are about 20 are still not really adults.

2 moms found this helpful

Hi Karma,

Sorry -- I don't have the time to read the other answers, so this may be a repeat. Our son is 22 and attending Community College 400 miles from where we live (he's working toward reinstatement at UCSC when he gets his health issues under control). We currently pay for our son's rent and all school expenses (including books), but he maintains a full-time job when he's not in school and reduces his hours to part-time during the semester. He pays for his own groceries, utilities, entertainment, gas, and car/motorcycle insurance. We do help out with extra cash if he needs it, but he tries not to ask and is very appreciative when we offer extra help. Our daughter is freshman (also at UCSC), and we pay all of her living and educational expenses. We gave her a $30/month allowance for entertainment and incidentals until she was able to find a work-study job. Even though the job pays only $320/month, she is expected to pay for gas (if she borrows her brother's car), her entertainment, any food she buys outside of what's supplied in her meal contract, and clothes. We've also made it clear that we expect her to save half of her salary at a minimum.

Working for personal needs helps to build responsibility and you need to set expectations of your SS to do so. Finding a job these days is not easy for a young adult, however. If you really want to help him out, you might consider "hiring" him as the property manager for your rental and set out explicit job requirements for him with expectations of how the property needs to be maintained. BUT, after seeing what college kids can do to a property, I wouldn't rent to any, unless you know them well, they have excellent references, and know that they will be respectful of your rental. Also, every place my son has rented in the last 4 years has required a co-signing agreement from each parent, guaranteeing financial ability to cover damages should they occur. I have to say, while my son's been very responsible about how he tries to keep a place (and clean, too!), the majority of his roommates have not. He shared a place last year with a bunch of musicians who apparently grew up way too entitled. The place was a pit (except for his room) and they were constantly messing up the plumbing. Our son's now in a very nice condo shared with two other Eagle Scouts (he's an Eagle also), and they keep the place pristine. Needless to say, the landlord is happy to extend their lease indefinitely!

2 moms found this helpful

As a landlord myself and having a SS I have to say don't do it. You need to treat a rental like a business and not rent to family or friends. Trust me you will regret it.

My SS and his girlfriend live in my MIL's vacation home next to us. They do not pay for anything and are the biggest slobs. Since they are having everything handed to them they have no desire or wanting to do things for themselves. They do not respect my MIL's property and she is ready to give them the boot. My husband and MIL are now regretting the decision they made.

I will tell you what I told them (my hubby and MIL), it is a saying that my grandmother used to say......Don't s**t where you eat.

2 moms found this helpful

I think I have the perfect solution for you! Rent the house out at full price.. So let's say that's $1200 .. No idea how much rents are in your area.. Then find SS an apartment to rent instead.. Either a small studio for lets say $500 or a 2br to share for let's say $350 his half.. Still in town so he can get a job.. And you'd be paying alot less for gas.. Maybe even it could lower his car insurance rates to be in a different zip. College kids would destroy your property..

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My dad wasn't even really thrilled about the idea of renting his rent house to me and a few people from my college - and I am his "favored" child - the good child he can depend on.

I just don't think it's a good idea. Why do the grandparents think it will encourage him to get a job? To continue to have everything paid for? Not likely.

If he wants to rent a house with his best friend, then he needs to get a job FIRST, find a house and then get his friend moved in. But it shouldn't be YOUR house. It's just a bad situation waiting to happen.

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NOT a good idea... in fact, I wouldn't pay a dime for anything for him, except maybe his classes. He's an adult. The ONE thing my mom paid for me was college classes (I am VERY grateful for that!). As for everything else? NO.

How and when will he learn to be on his own?

My husband was charged rent (which was half of the mortgage his mom was paying) on his 18th birthday until he moved out. His parents have not paid for anything for him, and he is SOOO responsible with money. We got an apartment together that ended up being the same price as his rent at his mom's house.

My brother is thirty-freakin-five and lives with my mom who pays for EVERYTHING for him... that is some hard-core enabling. It DOES NOT stop until you make it stop.

My step brother who is 23 has a similar issue- except he is now just a drunk that stays at his moms house for free, and collects unemployment from getting "laid off" of a job that he didn't show up to because he was recovering from a car accident that HE caused while driving drunk.

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I think that if his portion of the rent (which he is not paying and you are basically eating) would be less than room and board at school, you should divide up the price of what you would get from a tenant equally among the students. The other students should pay you rent, and his part can be what you would have paid for room and board (and you can tell him that he is responsible for paying part of that and to get a job it you think he can handle it - I worked 40+ hours a week in college and took 5 classes a semester but not everyone is cut out for that). The other kids should put down a security deposit (first and last month's rent plus one month held in an escrow account).

Basically, if you do this, act like landlord of an off-campus apartment and not a friend's parent. Make it a business transaction that benefits you.

1 mom found this helpful

Good idea? Maybe. When our son was in college we bought a house and rented it to him and 5 other friends. He paid a small amount of rent and the rest was picked up by the other kids (we didn't charge nearly enough, but it covered our mortgage and was way cheaper than paying someone else rent for our DS). If you do this then treat it like a business as you would with any other renters. Draw up a contract specifing amount of rent, when due, penalties for late payment, who will pay utilities, etc. I would make them responsible for furnishing it; you can help with some hand-me-downs, but don't completely furnish it. They can scrounge for used furniture from places like Goodwill, etc. It sounds like you need to have a "family" discussion and you need to express your misgivings about renting to your SS. This may be the time to encourage your SS to get a part-time job.

1 mom found this helpful

No, not a good idea. But if your husband if for it, not much you can do.
I certainly would not do that work! Why are you doing it alone? SS could do the work! That way he would be more likely not to ruin it.

1 mom found this helpful

No. Not a good idea. My husband and I pay for our kids college education. However, they both work and are full time students. Our daughter is a very good student, working part time at Kroger, taking 17 hours and is becoming a responsible member of society. She graduates from college in May!

Our son, is in the National Guard and ROTC so that his is job along with school.

If SS wants to move into the house, he needs to get a job and sign a lease just like all the other big boys do. Why isn't he going to school full time? Our rule was full time school and part time job or part time school and part time job.

1 mom found this helpful

Sure that makes sense if you want to reward someone for nothing. You are right, you and the inlaws are enabling him. Why should he try to do something for himself if it's just given to him? I would push for real tenants, ones that can pay you rent. If ya'll give him a place rent free, what are teaching him, really?

My husband's son and his nephew are the same age. His son had to work for everything that he has gotten in life, his nephew was handed everything he ever wanted (not saying that is what you are doing exactly). Now that the son and nephew are fully grown, who do you think has been able to stand on their own two feet? My husband's son. The nephew to this day can't hold down a job, is dependent on everyone for his wellbeing. So yeah, giving your child everything and expecting nothing works well. Again, not saying that you are doing that to that extent but from what you are saying the in-laws and you all have been enabling him too much. Good luck!

1 mom found this helpful

So I don't understand the question. So are you asking if this KID who doesn't work and never has and who doesn't own anything outright and who's name isn't on or never has been on the mortgage should get the master bedroom in a house that you are paying for?

Or are you asking if it's ok for you, as a co parent in that house, to say that you don't want allot of unemployed irresponisble young adult males tearing up the place just so you and your husband, as responsible WORKING adults can bail his arse out once again??

I honestly never have this problem. If I pay rent...if I pay the bills...it's my way or the hiway and have a nice day. PERIOD. END.

I am not my kids' friend. I'm the parent. I do not enable. Life is too flippin hard for me to do that to them.

But I'm sending good thoughts your way.

I rented in college and nothing was ever furnished. except, fridge, oven and dishwasher.

Any renters are not going to treat the home like their own. No matter how old they are-they are RENTERS. Don't buy the expensive carpet. Or the fancy tile. Basic and unoffensive is the way to go. And hardy-what ever countertop is the least likely to break kind of thing.

Find out, realistically, how much you could get for rent, and then if this group wants the house they can pay fair market value-the one paying the most gets the biggest room. They also need to pay utilities. That is part of life. the step son needs a job. even if it's only for 10 hrs a week-he needs a job, work experience-hello! who is going to hire some one that has never had a job?