Is This a Battle I Should Fight?

I'm hearing 2 actual components here...

1) Whether or not to choose the battle
2) What about once she threw the tantrum

1) Your choice. People do it both ways, and both ways have good effect, and both ways have awful effect. It depends on the kids and parents involved. (Personalities, how it's handled, etc.).

Myself... food was a battle in my house growing up... so it's not a battle I've ever chosen to lay the ground for. People like different things, and their bodies need different things. And I'm an adventurous cook. House rule: If you don't like it, sammies or cereal! They're always an option, so there's never any stress. And I'm a fabulous cook. To me, it's not an insult to not like what I've made. It just means you don't like it OR your body is craving something light and fresh and simple when I've gone for deep and complex, or you want comfort food when I've gone adventurous, etc. I cook what *I* want to eat. I think affording other people the same consideration is just good manners. Afterall... I don't buy what I despise, nor do I cook something that makes me nauseous, and no one tells me how little or how much I'm allowed!

2) Another house rule: You throw a fit, you don't get what you want.

It's just basic psych. Each and every single time you give into a tantrum the tantrum "works". Meaning that more and more get thrown. It's called "random reward". And it's the foundational basis behind gambling addiction, and what game designers use to keep you playing certain kinds of games. And the foundation behind abusive relationships. And. And. And. Not every time, but this time? Just one more? This one? Maybe? If I just hold out a little longer? If I just try harder? If I, if i, if I, if I???? Kids are still learning the physics of this world, so they reeeeally experiment with everything, including social reactions to behaviors. It's a brain thing, not a mind thing, but ADULTS are almost as prone as children. So in our house, no random reward for BAD behavior (although I random reward good behavior all the time.) The MOMENT the fit starts, even if I would totally have gone for _______, or was considering it, the option is off the table. Nope. Huh-uh. Not gonna happen.

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With both my daughter and my grandson, I could observe a real progression between ages 2 and 5 in their ability to sit and focus on eating. There's also the extremely common tendency of toddlers to suddenly develop a very uneven appetite that almost disappears for days on end, and start eating fewer foods and much LESS than parents think is possible to survive on. That appetite will become more consistent again around 5 or 6 for most kids.

Research suggests that the sudden dislike for many foods is possibly nature's way of protecting kids from eating dangerous things in their environment. Foods that have not been a regular part of their menu by the age of 15-20 months are not likely to be attractive to them when that difficult stage hits. Even some foods that they formerly liked may become unappealing during this time. It's not that those kids are trying to make life difficult for mom, they really do not like certain flavors and textures.

There are also studies showing that if allowed to graze and choose from a broad selection of healthy foods, kids will usually pick a variety, in the amounts needed, to meet healthy dietary requirements. The exception might be kids who have acquired a taste for junky, greasy, sweet or artificially flavored foods in their first year and a half. Modern processed foods are designed to trigger pleasure responses in the brain that will keep customers coming back for more, and this can throw off the natural desire for good, nutritious foods.

Imagine if you were required to eat foods that disgust or alarm you every day, or were urged to eat more than you are hungry for. It would make mealtimes a trial rather than a pleasure, and could drive a wedge between you and those trying to feed you. In fact, eating disorders later in life can often be traced to control issues over meals earlier in life.

Your daughter will probably do much better if you don't think in terms of battles, winning, and losing. I understand the inconvenience of preparing special foods to coax a reluctant eater after cooking a full dinner. But if you were to make a list of healthy foods to keep on hand that could be served cold or quickly warmed that your daughter does like, she should stay well-nourished, happy, and emotionally healthy.

You'll find that even if she can't endure sitting through a whole meal for the next year or so, she will gradually improve if it's not a big fight every day. My grandson, now 6, is a fine meal companion with a good appetite most days. He likes a broad variety of foods, and eats his vegetables happily. That wasn't the case at all two or three years ago, but his parents kept encouraging him sit with the family as long as he could do so without too much stress, try a bite or two of the prepared meal or new foods, and eat as much as he was hungry for.

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Well, I could have gone either way in your situation depending on my mood.

When my girls were that age I noticed they usually ate a really good lunch OR a really good dinner, but not both. One of those meals was often just picked at.

I guess what you've learned is that she likes yogurt. That's OK. Next dinner or on some future dinners offer some yogurt as a side dish. Chances are just seeing it out will put her in a good mood and she may be satisfied and have the hunger edge taken off enough to take some good bites of your main course and other foods.

If you can incorporate her favorite healthy foods at meals for everyone, you won't have to become a short order cook.

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I didn't stick this particular battle out at that age. My son would just wake up screaming and hungry in the middle of the night and there was no getting him back to sleep without food. I felt like it was me who was being punished and taught a lesson instead of him!

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I gave mine what we ate. She will not starve herself.
My SIL fell into the "feed them yogurt because they will eat it" and now she has a 5 and 7 yo who demand yogurt and chicken nuggets for every meal. THey will stand her down and not eat until she gives in, or else get it themselves.

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I would offer her what you are eating...yet she's so young and she wants to try to be independant, I don't see a problem with her making choices...still maybe you should start giving her choices like "so you want milk or water?" or do you want to wear this or that? It worked for me...she stopped giving me a hard time at dinner when I told her this is the one time you have to eat what everyone else is eating...but what do you want to wear tomorrow?

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I NEVER made food an issue or a battle. I make it, you eat it, or not. A small healthy snack before bedtime? Sure, but that's it :)
Check the sugar level on the yogurt. Many of them have 20 grams or more per serving, that's like two bowls of frosted flakes!

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I decided early on NOT to make dinnertime a battlefield. They're REALLY busy at that age. Yes--they need to learn to sit and eat but I chose NOT to fight that battle.
My son could have what I was serving, if he was too busy to sit & eat? DISMISSED! Later he could have cereal, yogurt, veggies & dip--something relatively healthy before bed. I never let him go to bed healthy. What I did NOT do was make him a separate dinner for only him. I'm not a short order cook!
Rest assured, he's now nearly 9 and quite capable of sittting through a one hour dinner out with the fam. No harm/no foul involved.
Good luck finding what works for YOUR family. That's what worked for mine.

ADDED* BTW, my son has a list of about two foods he does NOT like--he eats everything and LOVES trying new foods.

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I would feed her exactly what you are having for dinner (I am assuming a healthy meal). She is more likely to eat what she sees you eating. I would also not make a big deal of whether she eats something or does not (no rewards, praise or fuss).

We did this from when DS was 6 months old - at that time he got the individual ingredients of what we were eating for that meal - just pureed. Once he had been exposed to each new fruit/veggie/protein we started feeding him the whole food - just pureed or later chopped.

For us mealtime has NEVER been a fight - it never occurred to us that DS would NOT want to eat food and he never has. Of course he has preferences - we all do - he doesn't like beets or mangoes. Since we have never offered an alternative to the meal (I don't offer DH an alternative meal either, nor does he offer me one when he cooks) he has never considered that there is an alternative.

We generally (for dinner) have at least 1-2 veggies, usually a main dish (pasta/fish/shellfish/occasionally meat/beans) and fruit for dessert.

Research has shown that children need to try a new food approximately a dozen times before it is 'familiar' and reliably accepted. So just stick with it.

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I give DD something she will eat, something she might not eat and something that's a wild card. If we do pasta, she gets hers with just butter. I am not opposed to giving DD berries with her dinner IF she eats her main course first. Berries are a staple in our home and very easy to get out. But I do put some of the regular meal on her plate. Tonight she ate a deconstructed fajita, without the onions.

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When we were going through this with our kids, now 6 and 4, we started giving them the teeniest-tiniest servings. I mean SMALL. If we made chicken, each child would get 2 pieces of pasta, 1 piece of chicken, 1 piece of pepper, and 1 piece of broccoli. It's really funny looking on the plate, to serve these tiny meals--it's like eating at a French restaurant!! But we would serve it to them and tell them "We are giving you a very small serving, and we expect you to eat it." The small serving size gave them a chance to succeed at eating their dinner, you know what I mean? If they did, they could have a healthy choice of a second course. Usually a piece of fruit or cheese. If they did not, into the fridge it went, only to magically appear again at the next meal.
We avoid drama at mealtimes in general. If they poke the food around their plate with "that look" on their face, we just tell them "Eat it, don't eat it, it doesn't matter to me. But that's all you're getting."
Sorry, I'm rambling...I would have given your daughter a ridiculously small portion of whatever you were making, tell her she must eat it before she has anything else, and then let her have the yogurt if she finished it.

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In addition to all the great tips you've received already, I'm curious what brand of yogurt she is so fond of? Like already mentioned, check the grams of sugar per serving..it's quite high in some brands. Then stick to the fruit flavored one, or, also buy a natural Greek, whole milk, unsweetened yogurt and blend the 2 together. She'll get more nutrition with less sugar.

I'm with all the moms in that I don't do short order cooking, but at this age, I always had a lot of variety around....toddler sausages, crackers, left over buttered pasta, frozen peas, applesauce, cottage cheese, cheese sticks, soft tofu, to help complement our family meals, because we like things spiced up and babies usually don't.

GL!

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I asked my son to take one bite, swallow and then one more that he COULD spit out if he really wanted - if he spat it out then I would give him a "fall back" item. Typically if I wanted him to eat something new I would offer him an "old favorite" in a really small portion then I would "REALLY LOVE" what was on my plate and he would come pecking around like a baby bird - I would give him a bite or two then say I will make you a plate but you are done eating off of my plate - typically he would want me to make him a plate and skip his original meal. I would just use that for lunch the next day (or daddy would eat it!). But the going to bed hungry I did not start until just recently when my son turned 5. Keep in mind my son and I had more important battles to face with his sensory issues and undiagnosed Adhd and speech delays - food was the last thing I wanted to push too hard.

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I have a 21 month old also. I pretty much feed him what we're eating but if he doesn't like it, he won't eat it. I still offer him things he won't eat but I let him eat what he does like. When they're older, they eat better. None of my kids are picky eaters and none of them expect me to be a short order cook. But my 21 month old will go through phases where he won't eat certain things and his tastes will change too. I just keep trying and I don't fight these battles. To me he's awfully young to push this now. Good luck!

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My kids eat whatever is being made for dinner that night and if we do dessert and they dont eat they dont get dessert. We eat usually around 530-6 so if they are hungry before bed I will let them have a little snack like applesauce, yogurt, granola bar but I probably wouldnt allow the yogurt in your case at this time because she will learn that I dont have to eat any dinner cause I will still get my yogurt before bed.

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I think that starving a child to prove you are the boss is wrong. I think making such a fuss over food teaches kids that food is power and that leads to eating disorders.

I also think that kids taste buds are changing and growing every day. They will not like the same foods they liked yesterday and may not like it again for a couple of months.

She should have gotten the yogurt at the very least.

BTW, kids WILL NOT eat when they get hungry. They puke, they get shaky, they get sick and they don't get better until they get something to eat that they will eat.

my son is 4 and just started doing this. He also love yogurt, cottage cheese or lettuce plain and only wants to eat those.

When it comes to dinner time he gets what we have then I ask him what he wants to go with it ( yours is younger so I don't doubt that goes over very well giving a choice, so choose for her). Then what he chooses we put a small amount of it on his plate and before he can have more of it he has to finish atleast half of everything else, doesn't matter if he likes it or not. He usually does like it, just says he doesn't to try to get out of eating it. By the time he has eaten half... he wants the other half and in no time he has cleared his plate and if he still wants a little bit more he will get it.

Its a win win... he gets the one thing he really wants.... I get him to eat a variety of food.

Kids at that age pick one or two things to eat. We as parents think they should eat a variety but in a kid's mind it doesn't work that way. My daughter ate hot dogs for about 6 months and then only cooked (boiled) chicken. It was hard but she later changed. However, eggs are still not on the menu and she will be 35 next month.

So don't fight the food battle. Kow that she will not starve. Yogart is good for her as she still gets calcium for bones.

No you won't start a restaurant unless you let it happen.

The other S.

I'd say the yogurt is fine. She is still really young. Sometimes kids go through phases and will only eat one thing for 6 months. I'd say don't make food into a battle yet.

I would have done exactly what you did. I really like Sara G.'s response and approach. I expect my kids to at least try everything, and then once they've tried about two bites of everything served they can eat as much as they want of whatever things they like the most. My kids are a little older (5 and 7), and I don't let them go snack out of the fridge instead of eating dinner. If they're still hungry after eating a little of what I made then they need to find something they liked and eat more of it, not go to the fridge and snack. They would snack for every meal if it was an option (and yes, yogurt has calcium, but usually a lot of sugar also. Some sugar is fine, but my children would eat yogurt and crackers and treats for every meal if they could).

Having said that, I really appreciate Riley J.'s respectful approach. She has some good points.

I'm probably different from a lot of moms, but I offer my daughter what we are having for dinner, but I also will give her other easy healthy options if she isn't interested in what we are having (yogurt, pb crackers, cheese, veggies). I want her to eat and don't want to battle about food. I'm like you-not into sending her to bed hungry.

She could be teething 2 yr molars?

also you might want to move dinner up and offer a healthy bedtime snack. depending on what your schedule is like.

I think sometimes kids get really hungry just before you get the dinner on the table (maybe it's the good smells) and if they don't eat right then it makes them irritable and they will fight about almost anything. I would put out an appetizer about half an hour before dinner. Some veges and dip, grapes, a graham cracker, etc. Not enough to fill them up but just to take the edge off. Then when everyone sits down to eat they might be more able to join in without much coaxing. It's like priming the pump.

There is nothing wrong with the yogurt but I know my second daughter would eat nothing but fruit and yogurt if I let her! It's sweet and she has a sweet tooth. Yogurt is great but unless its plain it has plenty sugar in it. My little one threw plenty of fits over dinner but is a great eater now. It will pass! As long as she isn't losing weight just keep giving her healthy choices. Try telling her if she eats a little meat and veggies she can earn her yogurt. If not she will get hungry eventually! My kids have gone through terrible phases off and on but I have stuck to my guns and they are awesome little eaters now and try new things with us. 1. I always give them choices 2. they see us eat healthy food consistently 3. I serve them what we are eating 4. I give it to them over and over whether they eat it or not. They never liked asparagus. I put it on their plate once a week for three years. Now they gobble it up! 5. I hide veggies in other foods I know they will eat. The phase your little one is in is totally normal and don't beat yourself up whether you choose to give her the yogurt or not!

It sounds like a great time to start using when-then messages. "When you have eaten half of your dinner, then you may eat some yogurt." This may take a few times for her to understand, but she will get the message that she gets to choose once she has eaten some (you set how much) of her dinner. This can be a great tool to use at other times, too. "When you have picked up the toys, then we get to read a story!"

I agree with the poster who said that you should try getting her involved with choosing what's for dinner. At this point, it's all about choices within limits. "Do you want to wear the red shirt or the blue shirt?" but not do you want to get dressed, etc. Good luck. I know this is a tough age as they start to explore their independence!

You are such a good mom, I can tell... To answer your question... no it is not a battle that you should fight-- like you said Yogurt is so very healthy.. let her eat it... She is two and her tummy is so small... Do you give her vitamins?? Let her have the yogurt, and give her kid vitamins and enjoy her!!! LIke someone said below, it is a phase... it will end... and do continue to offer her other foods.. enjoy your baby!

Pediatricians say children have eating down correctly-they eat when they are hungry. She is almost 2 and testing you-she's not hungry. Maybe put it in the fridge and offer it again right before bed?

K.:

You start giving in now - you will become a short order cook.

If she doesn't eat - she won't let herself starve. She must try what is given to her for dinner. She is exerting her independence and own thinking, testing her boundaries and will check constantly what she can and cannot get away with.

Since she is old enough - ask her what she would like for dinner. It's okay to ask her opinion. Give her two or three options, whichever works for you - this way she feels like she has control over something.

But do NOT become a short order cook.

This age is hard. Maybe before you fix dinner ask her do you want this or that...don't leave it open ended but let her have some input. In this case, I probably would have given her yogurt but not every time.

My kids had the option of eating the dinner I fixed them (maybe just part of it - only meat, only veggies, the roll) or not eating. I would cover the plate and they could choose to eat it all the way up until bed time. They are great eaters now. It is just a phase and one that will last a life time if you give in to it.

my daughter gets what i eat. she can choose not to eat it if she wants but does not get anything else. i started this around 2 years old