Is There Something Wrong with Me...???? - Miami,FL

Plain and simple: You are a mom. Nothing wrong with you at all.

2 moms found this helpful

Just my opinion, I wouldn't upgrade it then it wouldn't be the ring he gave you. I knew people who did this and I am against it. I just don't see the point in upgrading an engagement ring. Why is this so important to you? Just curious. If I had the extra cash I would spend it on a family vacation, things the kids need or just keep saving.

I hope this didn't come of as offensive, I just don't see the point in an upgrade.

2 moms found this helpful

Nope, you're normal! I always think about what I could get my kids with the money I spend on myself. That said, I think the jewelry store is up to some trickery or something. I really hate mall jewelry stores. I would try an independent jeweler (ask around for people's favorites in your area). They seem to be way more honest in their business dealings and willing to work with people on price. Just my opinion.

2 moms found this helpful

I don't think there is anything wrong with you, I am the same way! I never buy anything for myself, I always think of the things that the kids need, or we need for the house. It's all a part of being a mom!

1 mom found this helpful

HI E.,

Nothing is wrong with you. Mama's always put their babies first and men sometimes don't understand that. You may have said okay if it had not been so much more than you had expected. I tell my husband all the time that he has to ease me into the decisions that cost more money because I have to weigh the pros and cons.

You can either tell your husband you changed your mind and see what he says OR that you would rather have it on your 10th anniversary. I'm impressed that he wants you to have it and that he actually picked up on your hints!

God bless!

M.

1 mom found this helpful

Why do you want to upgrade your ring? I think that's the question you should ask yourself, if you want to know why you're so apprehensive to go through with the purchase.

I think for many women, an upgrade (such as a redesign or using the stones in a new setting) or even trading the ring in for something pricier, would be "unthinkable," considering the ring recieved on your engagement/wedding day, is so sentimental as it's associated with memories, and feeling, and in most cases considered a "sacred" object if the rings were "blessed" in a religious wedding ceremony.

Afterall, this is *the* ring, *the* symbol used to represent the joining of you and your spouse as one. An upgrade would mean you are trading in a part of your history together, the symbol that represents you as a couple with a totally different ring.

I say, if the upgrade is all about getting a bigger, perhaps more fashionable and expensive ring, keep the wedding band your husband gave you, and buy something beautiful to be enjoyed as a piece of fine jewlery.

Wedding rings and fine jewlery are two classes in themselves. While the upgraded ring will look impressive, pricey or not, it will never be as valuable as the orginal ring your husband gave to you at your engagement and then added to on your wedding day, and backed up with years of love, devotion, maybe wonderful children, ups and downs, happy times and sad.

As for your husband's support of the decision to upgrade. He only wants you to be happy. But I wouldn't be surprised if deep down inside, he isn't a little sad that you don't like the first ring he gave you enough to keep it. I once entertained the thought of "upgrading" when my vintage diamond wedding band/engagment bands literally broke in half when my hand was accidentally slammed in a door.

The main diamond had popped out of it's setting and I considered just getting a new ring. My husband was downright upset that I even considered getting one of those "chicklet" sized diamonds in platinum that were the big deal the last few years. He had picked the rings out at an antique store (I didn't pick my rings as he surprised me) and while they weren't the most pricey, they were what he thought were the prettiest rings he had seen, and wanted to see me in them for the rest of our lives together. I really was surprised and so touched, I took the ring remnants to a jewlery designer and had them salvage and restore it to it's original appearance. I haven't considered an "upgrade" since.

In my opinion, your thinking of your children and their needs are symptomatic of where your heart really lies on the matter. You're a sentimental person who puts family first. If you really think about it,that ring means more to you than you realize.

Keep the original ring, get the kids some new clothes and shoes, and buy something pretty and new for yourself. $1,000 should be plenty to do all of these things if you avoid the big chain retailers who will stick it to you, especially in a downward economy.

1 mom found this helpful

Every single time I go out to shop for myself, I come home with clothes for my kids. It's the life of a mother, we are always last. I say go get that ring today! You wanted it! You saved for it! Get a manicure for YOURSELF while your out and show off your new ring!

1 mom found this helpful

In my personal opinion, there's nothing wrong with you - you're being a good, conscientious mother and wife.

Perhaps you can set a goal for your 10th anniversary instead if it continues to be a priority.

Personally, I'm glad I have a cheap, inexpensive ring with a semi-precious stone. For all I care, my center stone could be cubic zirconia. I didn't want to get blinded by a ring when what I really wanted was a marriage and a life.

So, my center stone looks really expensive because it's big, but it would only cost $80-$100 to replace if needed. I used to be embarrassed to wear my ring when working because I felt it looked really expensive and didn't want to give the wrong impression to my rural customers. I started wearing it daily when going through chemo almost 2 years ago and stopped being ashamed of it.

So, my advice is to feel good about being the person you are and the priorities you've set in your own life. Every once in a while, indulge and do something nice for yourself, but make sure it's something you can live with.

I promise, the people closest to you don't care what your ring looks like, and honestly, most people don't even notice. But, if it bothers you, and you've saved hard to do something nice for yourself, do it and enjoy it as long as you won't have regrets down the road.

1 mom found this helpful

Yes, don't kick yourself. Go to an independent jeweler. Mall jewelry stores are the worst. You will find the one for you and you will be glad you waited.

1 mom found this helpful

There is nothing wrong with you! You are a good and loving mommy who has priorities. That salesman was ripping you off! I would keep my eyes open for a better deal to come along. It sounded like the sales trick of bait and switch. They were going to sell you a ring at market value and get your old one in the process. If I were you, I would keep the old ring and give it to one of my daughters one day, and you can get another "upgraded ring" later on if that is what you want to do.
As mommies, we want to take care of everyone in the family. I do agree with your hubby, He sounds like a wonderful man to tell you you need something nice too sometimes. You can do both! When it's your turn, take it! I know it's more fun to give to our kids and loved ones, but you are so worth it too! God Bless!

1 mom found this helpful

Wow, I am proud of you. I wear a plain gold band. Traded my ring in to use the money to help my girls through college. I would say what's wrong with you if ou choose to get the ring instead of taking care of your childrens needs. Children should always come first. They will appreciate it and show it later in life. A ring will just set on your finger and give you nothing but guilt. If you want to be on a ego trip then get the ring. If you love your family and they come first then you did the right thing. I would no way purchase a ring for that amount when I have children that should and would always come first.

1 mom found this helpful

Oh goodness- you are a mom! That's nothing wrong-- you are a mom- well done to you.
And hold the Kay's guy's feet to the fire- shame on them for trying to pull this- no reason to pay more, but I hope you got it.
best,k

1 mom found this helpful

I wouldn't have bought it simply based on the fact that they went up on the price like that...I would call and complain to the company about being quoted one price then it being changed. I guess it depends on how important the ring actually is to you.
A few years into our marriage, I designed rings for my husband and I. They are just thick bands with a saying on them-- his completes mine. They were custom made for about $200 a piece. They are unique, special to us in ways that our original rings weren't, and we love them. However, i'm not the flashy diamond type...

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OH honey there is NOTHING wrong with you!!!! All that means is that you are a great mom that loves her family and is willing to put their needs first. And that by definition is a good mom!!! I go through the same thing. A couple years ago my husband wanted to buy me this beautiful set of 2ct diamond earrings. They were on sale but I just couldn't let him do it. I just kept thinking of all the things the kids needed or wanted that we could do with that money. He said the same things to me that your husband did. (Then he went back and bought the 1ct diamond earrings instead!!!) Sometimes I think "man I should have let him get the bigger ones" because who knows when we'll have the money again to get them but then I think of what we did for the kids and I'm ok with that. Don't worry about this....you sound like a great mom that has her priorities straight!!!! And that is something to be proud of!!!! Keep it up Momma!!!!

i will not buy it i will like to keep the original ring that mean more for me than a new one also i prefer to save to buy things for my kids than spend more tha 1000 in me.

E. - YOU ARE MORE THAN NORMAL honey! I am a single parent now and I am the only 1 supporting a family of 4. I do this all the time. Then once a year, after tax season, I get something (big) I/we have been wanting/needing. Last year it was a new computer (old one was 10 years old!). This year we got a LCD TV for the living room. Next year it looks like a washer & dryer - yikes. But I usually buy myself some clothes or shoes. Even my 13 year old tells me it's OK Mom you always spend your money on us anyway.
Ask yourself this - will it matter in ______ months from now? Keep saving up and do something more permanent for the family. You are lucky to have a good husband these days! Trust me I had the "nice rings" and I would trade them in a heart beat to have back the man I married!
M. F

you're pretty normal, if you ask me. It's the "mother gene"... at least that's what I call it. lol. I may not always put things (for myself) back but I do feel guilty when I spend on "splurgy" type things (new makeup, a new purse that I could really do without for a while longer). I am always getting these kinds of things for my kids (shoes, socks, underwear, tablets, pencils, pens, lunchboxes, beach towels, swimsuits, etc etc etc)... but to splurge on myself is a LOT harder to allow myself to enjoy. It might get better with a little time... how old are your kids?

Aren't you more upset about the salesperson trying to screw you?? I don't think there is anything wrong with changing a ring. I am looking to put my original diamond into a new setting. I want to have one band instead of two because I don't like the way two bands feel. So, did you actually buy the ring?? What was the explanation for why the price went up.

I am glad to see that I am not the only one who feels like this! We don't make a lot of money, I stay home with our girls and my husband is an equipment operator. We get by ok, but I think our girls are spoiled, I spend any extra money we have on them to buy toys and clothes that they don't really even need! My youngest is 3 months old and the weight is just not falling off like it did with my first one. I got up the other day to go somewhere, and it was hot out, so I went to go find a pair of shorts, and low and behold I had not a single pair that fit! I had shorts from before I was pregnant, but it seems like I would have to cut out the crotch just to get one leg in lol. I finally realized that my girls have tons of new clothes, and I was still trying to squeeze into stuff from high school! I finally broke down and bought myself some clothes, but still felt a little guilty, thinking I could have spent that money on my girls. Every once in a while you have to splurge on yourself, you have earned it!

You are a Mother. There is nothing wrong with you.
Hope hubby surprises you with a new ring.

You don't mention why they were trying to charge you more. Did the tag or sale signs back up your first price? If so, I would have demanded they sell it to you for that or ask for a manager.

I think it's great your husband is supportive of you getting the ring and you should if it isn't going to hurt your family financially. It sounds like you don't treat yourself often so enjoy it. :)

God bless you, YOU'RE A MOM!!!

It's so natural to put your children's needs first, and how lucky for them to have you! But I agree with your husband, that it is important to remember yourself, at least once in a while, and it's obvious you don't indulge on things for yourself very often. And what a nice way to celebrate not only your marriage and anniversary, but also being a WONDERFUL MOTHER to your children? You deserve the ring, especially since you saved for it, made plans to get it at the best price, etc. And it's not like you want a $10,000 ring or anything. My only reservation would be in giving up the ring your husband originally gave you. If you don't have any strong attachment to it, then by all means, trade it in for something you love.

Sweetie, your husband wants you to have it, and I'm sure your kids do too. Go back and get it. Make it an early Mother's Day gift as well, and maybe you will feel a little better justifying the purchase.

Best wishes to you, and ENJOY your new ring!!!

Nothing is wrong with you as others have said. You should have ask for the manager at Kays........I've dealt with Kays for years and they have always treated me well.
As for trading in the ring........I could never do that.....this is the ring he put on my finger many years ago......I could put another on my right hand, but never my left. My wedding ring reminds me of where we started, where we are now and where we are going.........being small is fine with me...........
I would buy the ring and keep your old one for one of your daughters as a hand me down...........that's what I am doing with my first wedding ring.....keeping it for my son.
Take care and go find you a ring that you can maybe wear on your other hand and keep that ring you have for the love you continue to have.

There is nothing wrong with you .. it is the mom instinct .. I do the same all the time even when I was working and I had good income, I felt somewhat guilty in buying things or doing things for myself .. we can use this money for ..(some kids' related stuff). Now I chose to quit my job and I spend a lot of time with my kids but if I go out somewhere with my husband and/or rare occasions with any of my friends, I feel guilty that -- may be I should go home and do ..something... with my kids. It happens when I know I am absolutely doing my best. My husband, friends and ex-co-workers said that sometimes I need to switch my brain from being a mom ....

I know you think your ring is small, but I would not sell it. It is your wedding ring and an upgrade in my opinion would just be a ring. It sounds like Kay's has a way to not give you much of a discount with an exchange anyway. I agree with your hubby, you need to think about yourself once in awhile. It sounds like you guys are doing okay financially. Your children are not suffering if you buy something for yourself once in awhile. :)

Nope, nothing wrong with you at all. AND more importantly, the jewelry store has to sell you the ring for the price listed - even if they made a mistake! I once got a $600 cocktail ring for half because they mislabed the ring (I couldn't believe it was such a great bargain when I saw the price). Not your problem -it's theirs!

Although, I'm sure the jewelry store has correct it's mistake by now, you should still get the ring.

No you are a great mom to think of your kids first. I would go back to Kays or a different one at another location and try to get a better deal from another salesman. It's recession and jelewery stores are hurting. I bet if you play hard ball with the right person you can get a better deal. You deserve it!!!

I don't even eat fruits and vegetables anymore b/c they are expensive and it is more important that my kids get healthy food instead me so all I can say is that it is normal for me - I imagine a lot of other mothers feel the same way.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. Our family of 5 is supported on my husband's income. I've been at home with my children for a little over 10 years now. When I first quit my job, I constantly battled with conflict over how to spend our money and like you, I put my wants at the bottom of the list. I have profound Faith in God and have settled my conflicts in knowing that God will provide. And He has and He continues to do so. I no longer feel guilty for buying something for myself though, I always consult with my husband for higher priced items but for a shirt, or a new outfit, or even a new CD, I allow myself those little indulgences. I also believe very strongly that God allows things to happen for a specific reason and there is a reason you and your husband did not purchase that ring. Embrace it as a blessing for that money may become necessary for something more important than a ring in the upcoming months. Don't beat yourself up. You deserve a little reward every now and then.

Like already mentioned, there is nothing wrong with you. You are in permanent "mom" mode. For you, the kids will always be first.

My husband and I were high school sweethearts. Married at 18 & 19. It is always very hard for me to spend money on myself. I did however expect a new ring at 10 years. I set a goal for myself and said this is what I want and when. If it is your anniversarry, you deserve it. Your kids are not missing meals so that you can have a diamond. They might wear old shorts a little longer. Tell your husband you are having second thoughts. Tell him maybe it would be a nice jester for Mother's Day. Tell him you would like him to go sopping without you. Sometimes not hearing the total helps with the sticker shock. You are very normal I promise.

Hi E., I have been married twice. Each time I told my husband I wanted a really "nice" engagement/wedding ring that I would NOT have to upgrade or trade in later. Both of my ring sets were very expensive, yet we got them for HUGE discounts. I think my rings now are worth 10k but we paid less than 3k. (my wedding band at Kay's was $2200 but got it on sale for $1000!)I think you should get a ring that you will like, but I would not trade in my other ring. That has way too much sentimental value. But that is just my opinion. I don't buy stuff for myself very often and my kids, husband and house almost always come before me. So you are probably feeling its extravagant but I think you know what you can and cannot do and you have planned for this...so enjoy your new ring!

Absolutly not! As moms we are always putting our children first. I commend you for making that decision. I would have done the same thing. Although you need to keep yourself sane, do indulge in small pleasures now and then. Get your nails done, buy that cute shirt, treat yourself to lunch.

I'm the same way, and I'm thankful for it. With the money my husband has made, I could have anything I want, but I don't go out and blow money. I'm not saying upgrading your ring is blowing money, but I can 100% relate because when we got my ring, I didn't really know my taste of rings/diamonds...never been a jewelry girl. For the last few years, I've really wished I'd gotten a different diamond cut. Well, I could very easily go out and spend as much as I want to on a new ring, but honestly, I don't see spending money on something that I already have. I try to make purchase decisions on a want/need basis. It's the reason we have been able to save up money, open IRA's, and save for our kids' college years. So, there's NOTHING wrong with you. I think more people should be LIKE YOU!!!

Sounds like you were wearing your "big girl pants" to me! I think this is the way most mothers feel, and while I don't advocate denying yourself things...m,oms usually make sure their kids have what they need & want first. That's pretty typical.

I'm not a "jewelry" person, but I have a beautiful diamond (my husband IS a jewelry person). I don't think I'd ever trade it for another due to the sentiment attached. That's just me.

There seems to be two camps of thought on the diamond upgrade--the bigger is always better camp and the sentimental camp.

Nothing wrong with you. YOU ARE A MOM. And like lots of moms, you put your children first. But tell you what. It does good to take care of yourself too. So if the opportunity comes up again and you can still get a good deal on that ring (or any other thing your heart desires), go for it.

Your buy is a bit more then mine usually are, but yes everytime I get something for myself I go through this. Even a few months ago I did... I spent $40 on 2 pairs of maturnity pants. Oh boy, it took me 3 days just to take the tags off of them because I didn't like spending the money on myself. Sad thing is that I only had pj pants that fit me & one other pair of pants which had a 3" hole in the butt of them. I always put myself last on the list.

I married my high school sweetheart 15 1/2 yrs ago... and I'm still wearing the gold band that we brought at JCPenny's. We only paid $62.00 for it, but at 17, working part time, still in high school & 8 mo prego... it was all that we could afford. So, it is what I got and it means the world to me.... even when my hands are swollen, it doesn't come off my hand & hasn't for 15 years (unless I'm making meat loaf or something else sticky or it's being cleaned).

You not alone in putting everyone else first... hubby picks on me about it all the time & my MIL yells at me for doing it, but it is just me.

When you figure out what is wrong with you, let me know!!! I am the same way - always putting my stuff back so I can buy for my boys (including my husband). I think it is a mom thing. When I was young and use to shop with my mom I would always see her put things back that she liked and intented to purchase. One day she told me that we I was older and out of the house and could buy things on my own, that she would start buying more for herself. I didn't understand then, but I do now.

I have been married for 14 years and have saved and spent and saved and spent the money I was going to use for an anniversary ring. Every time my husband and I go to look and I think about spending the money on a ring rather than a vacation with my family I clam up! It just seems so selfish, but I really don't think it is.

One day we will feel okay about spending money on ourselves. Until then, we continue to provide for our children. I've been told you enjoy spending the money on yourself more when you know your children can provide for themselves. One day, all mothers will know this feeling.

No it's being fiscally responsible. My family recently started Dave Ramsey's Total Money Makeover and I can't tell you the last time I bought something JUST for myself, and I could care less.
We're almost debt free....I lost my wedding set years ago and before we started TMM I wanted a new one too. Now I realize there are SO many more important things!

There's nothing wrong with you. I always put the kids and everything else first. My wedding ring cost $90 when we got it 11 years ago. When given the option to update it, I said no. It has more sentimental value to me as is then a replacement would that I haven't been wearing for the past 11 years. And the kids always need clothes or we need food or whatever. In my mind that always goes first. My husband tells me too, that I need to stop and think of myself once in awhile. My compromise, so I don't feel guilty, is to do something free or cheap for myself. I spend time alone reading a book or watching a movie. Sometimes we get a babysitter just so we can go have coffee alone and browse a bookstore. Only on birthdays or Christmas do I allow money to be spent on me. Then I pick out clothes or something I want to do. And the amount I allow myself is the same amount I would spend on one of the kids on their birthday.

E.,

Something you may not have mentioned. At the time of your engagement this was probably what your husband could afford. Did the two of you ever previously discuss the option of upgrading the ring in the future? That aside, here is my thought. My husband and I discussed what we wanted my engagment ring to be when we got engaged, how ever at the time we were only able to afford something of a certain size and make. So in the future it will be upgrade to what we originally had planned with no hard feelings from either of us.

As for being a mom of three wonderful boys, I make sure to put away money aside for myself each month so that I can have the things that I would like to have as well. The children and the household are very important but so is mom. Without mom these things cannot function properly and mom needs to be well taken care of. It took me a very long time to learn this. I can't tell you what I went through to learn that sometimes the most important thing is you.

Trust me, I always made sure that everyone and everything else was take care of first. I then took care of me, it is important to make sure you feel good so that everyone around you feels good.

Good luck, and treat yourself to something you want. You deserve it, your a mom and you work very hard.

S.

This just means you are a great mom. My mom was like this to and now that I am out of the house she buys all kinds of stuff for her self! I have not bought anything fo rmyself for about 7 years (My oldest is 6). I figur being poor is part of being a parent. Once the kids leave the nest things get better and think of all the money coming in that you wont have to spend on them! Then you can get an even better ring!

Very normal. My SIL and I go shopping a lot together "mostly for things for our kids" and we say the same thing. Maybe when the kids are out of the house we'll start thinking about ourselves. Then again, we'll most likely be thinking about Grandkids soon after.
You do deserve to treat yourself.....so you should have got the ring! :)

Nothing is wrong with you. Something is wrong with the salesman.