Is There Something Wrong with Me?

I would definitly talk to you GP right away. It sounds like you could be suffering from depression. And it might help you to have someone to talk to like a counselor. There are a lot of meds out there that treat depression. Good Luck !

Nothing is wrong with you. I had 4 children and TRIED to be a stay-at-home mother. Just couldn't do it. I then decided quality time rather than quantity time was more important. I have very well-adjusted adult-children now who remember all of the fun we had when they were younger . . . so it was truly quality time rather than quantity. All of us require different things to satisfy us -- that's what makes people so interesting. So you may know some mothers who just feel they HAVE to stay at home to feel fulfilled, but I secretly sometimes wonder if they're truly capable of doing anything else . . . sorry to stay-at-home mothers, but am just hinting at how I feel sometimes. I am a doctor. I thought that I should give stay-at-homing a try. I couldn't do it! -- can only cook so many dinners, go to so many parks, clean so many baseboards. Started grumping at my hubby when he came home a little late because dinner was ready! Then realized that perhaps I was jealous of him working. So I went back to work and was much happier. Still did LOTS of things with the kids, but we also had a much better lifestyle, and I enjoy the company of adults! When I help others, I just plain feel better. So don't feel guilty. What you're feeling is normal!

You're throwing up BIG RED WARNING signs for depression. I'd definitely talk to someone soon - between medication and therapy, you DON'T have to feel this way.

S.

Before you talk to your GP and he puts you on drugs for depression or any number of other things they can find to put you on drugs for, see a nutritionist! So many things we think are our fault with our moods, drive, ambition, etc. can be linked to nutritional deficiencies. I started seeing one about 6 months ago, not for any particular ailment but just for overall health and I've lost 20 pounds and feel SO good. Even the little things that used to annoy me don't bother me at all! My moods are steady and even. I'm happy doing anything! Dr. Smith (the nutritionist) has clients all across the country so you can call her if you don't have one near you! She has a website where you can start the process: www.advancedclinicalnutrition.com. Please try that before a regular doctor tells you that you need drugs to be happy!! You'd be amazed at how your diet and the right supplements can make you feel great ALL the time.

I think you should definitely talk to your family practice physician before your appt with your OB-Gyn. It sounds like you have some depression and there are so many meds out there to help with it. You should not be embarrassed or ashamed of your feelings. You probably are missing the adult conversation if nothing else. A M. can go just so long with nobody to talk to but kids. And I don't mean that you don't love and enjoy your children. It just means that you need interaction with adults more often. I am a nurse in an OB-Gyn office. I see and hear this alot.-T

Oh girl!!! We have all been there that are SAHM's!!! Like yourself, I worked in a very fun, social job before I decided to stay home. (I was a hair stylist.) And I think that was part of my problem. I also suffered from post pardum and was on meds for just over a year after he was born. He is 3 1/2 now and I just recently got back on them because it still hadn't gotten much better. Since I started the meds, things are looking way up! However, I do have a history of clinical depression that runs in my family.

However, I understand how the monotony of what we do can be very straining on a person who was soooo social before having kiddos. Staying active and busy with the kiddos certainly helps, but I understand your thoughts of not being happy even though you "should" be. I have the same thoughts sometimes!!!

Please go see your OB now, DO NOT wait until May!

I hope the best for you and your family!!!!

T.

No, nothing is wrong with you. You are simply overwhelmed and burned out. You need to speak with your awesome hubby and ask him to make a point to come home early one day each week. You also need to follow that golden rule of making some time for yourself to renew and rejuvenate. Find another mom and swap some time with her - you take her kids for 3 hours one day, and she takes yours another day. Somehow, some way - no matter what - you MUST make time for YOU!!! Big hugs!

You have received such great advice from so many people! I am more than happy to help in a different way. I am an IT Recruiter. If your husband feels like it is time to find a different job, one that allows more time at home, feel free to have him contact me.
____@____.com

P.

I don't think there is anything WRONG with you, I think you are just trying to adjust to a completely different type of life. Most "jobs" or "outside employment" is a better term in my opinion, because believe me being a full-time care giver is a full-time, 24/7 J O B! You get immediate feedback as to whether you're doing a good job, the reward is immediate (ie, tips/paychecks) PLUS you get to interact with adults daily. If you are home alone with children with no relief at the end of the day, or even an end to the day it becomes very tedious and tiresome. You probably have no structure to your day and just go from task to task with no end in sight. I've been there. It sounds like it would be impossible for Daddy to shoulder any of the load at home right now but I think you need some help. Can you hire a person to come in and help with the kids so you can take a break? I mean you have to clean house, etc....even taking a shower can seem like an indulgence. Maybe you could have a friend or a teenager or preteen of someone you know come in and be a "helper" to play with the kids for awhile a couple times of week....you need a break, it's a fact, mom's do have a breaking point and I hope you don't wait too long to ask for some help....maybe you have a friend in a similar situation that you could switch times with, it might be worth it to be with 4 kids for 2 hours to have 2 hours alone. Good Luck to you!

I totaly feel where your coming from. When I got pregnant with my son my husband and I decided that it would be great for me to stay at home with my three year old girl and just enjoy being a wife and mom. But after three months i realized how unhappy and tempermental I had become, because up until then I had been a full time working mom and loved it. I think it's a great idea that you've taken the step to talk to a doctor about it. In my case an antidepressant helped, but it wasnt until I got back into doing things that made me happy was I able to really be the mom and wife I wanted to be. Good luck and God Bless!

You know what, Honey? It sounds like, to me, you just have too much on your plate. While your husband may have to work long hours, for whatever reason, you have the brunt of child rearing on your shoulders alone, for the most part. You are just plain tired! Keeping up with little one's is a very consuming job, to say the least. I know. I have 4 children of my own, all very much grown now. I now have grandchildren. I care for my 2 granddaughters, 6 and 4, on a weekly basis and while I love them to no end, it is tiring. Maybe you and your husband could work something out where he could be home at an earlier time at least a few days of the week so you can get a much deserved and needed break. I just bet you would start to feel better. I will keep you in my prayers. You will be ok.

God bless,
MiMi

It is important to remember that this is a 'season' of your life, and times will change. Medications can help if your doctor says you 'need' them.
Do you know Jesus? He offers new life to those that seek him. If you let me know what city you live in, I might be able to recommend a Bible church near you. If you don't believe, you might consider entertaining the idea that He can help you beyond the amount of help anything else can give.

First of all, I am sure that your normal and that you're experiencing some normal feelings. When I first started staying home, it was hard to make the switch from being around adults all the time to caring for my children. Adult interaction was sparse. Second, you're 11 months post-partum, so there may still be some hormonal issues. I don't know if your breast-feeding or not, but that could play a part in how your feeling. Or if your using birth-contol pills those could be affecting you. Lastly and most importantly, our Lord made us with a piece of our heart missing that only He can fill. Trying to fill it by being a better person, mother, wife, friend, or trying to fill it with wordly, material things will not satisfy that emptiness inside. True joy and happiness will come when you are living your life to glorify Christ, not "self". I don't know where you are spiritually, but that can be the biggest factor in your reason for unhappiness. If you want any advice on how to come to know the Lord, or draw closer to Him if you already do, feel free to e-mail me.

May the Lord bless you and help you find your way.

I agree with the previous poster that you should talk to your GP, and work on getting more social interaction for yourself. I would also recommend that you stop beating up on yourself, thinking that you _should_ be happy, but you're not. I have nothing but admiration for SAHM's, but it's not a job that everyone is cut out for. I love my DD, love my DH, and know that I would go crazy if I tried to stay home full time (I did for the first 4 months after my DD was born, and did almost go crazy). This was also true for my own mom when I was growing up--she tried being a SAHM for a while, and was really depressed. Once she went back to work part-time, she was MUCH happier. Folks have asked me if I resented my mom going back to work, and I always say NO--even at 5 yrs old, I could tell the difference between a happy mom and a depressed mom, and happy is always better. Incidentally, my husband just read over my shoulder and said to point out that your husband wants you to be happy, too, and given what you've said about his hours, it's no wonder you're going crazy. You should also talk to him about making adjustments in your family's life that will allow both of you to be more happy (does he really like working 7-9? I can't imagine he gets to see his kids!). Hang in there, and good luck!

We have all been there! Do not ignore this and don't wait to get more advice. I would talk to your OB or GP asap - It could be timing and you are using all your chemicals up to be the great wife and mother that you are. Then there is nothing left. You need to set a pattern of "me" time, even 30 minutes, to decompress as often as you can. It gets incrementally better as the kiddos get older but right now, I would bet you feel like you are drowning even though you don't think you should feel that way. Trust me - you are on 24/7 duty. And my hubby does the same thing - salaried job but 12 hour days- He's in no position to feel like helping when you get home. So, you have to be there for everyone. Hormones could also be still getting back to where they want to be and can contribute. So cut yourself some slack and focus on checking out the different remedies available. I needed and antidepressant and it helped immensely. That coupled with 30 minutes of scrapbooking, reading, exercising or just having total control of the remote every once in a while made a huge difference. If you are an affirmative action kind of gal, don't fail to apply that to yourself. J.

There is nothing wrong with you! I felt the same way when my kids where young. Everything I did seemed like it was for someone else, I needed something that was mine! So I started my own business with Scentsy wickless candles. It was exactly what I needed. I know this question was awhile back but if you would like more info on this I would be happy to help, you are welcome to send me an email ____@____.com

You have really young children at very needy ages. Your husband works very long hours. I can relate, as my girls are just 17 months apart. I LOVE my girls and LOVE that I get to be home with them, but it can get to be lonely & isolating by times. It sounds like you have lots of activities for them, but I did not see you say anything about connecting with other moms? There are local Moms Clubs in most of the towns around here, lots of churches have moms groups, Plano & Allen I know both have early childhood PTAs. www.aroundtownkids.com is a good place to start looking for things in your specific area, or a calendar of events page in a local newspaper or magazine. Even if you just call up one or two other friends, even aquaintances you meet at the park who have children close in age, and set up some playdates together, that might be a good chance for you to connect with other moms for real conversation. I know I am doing what I always wanted to do staying home, but it is also harder and lonelier than I ever imagined. I hope that you find a way to connect with some friends-- my days are much more fulfilling and happier on days I am able to do that.

Good luck to you,
A.

I would say you need to rethink your staying home with the kids. It is not for everyone. I stayed home with my kids and loved every minute. My sister-in-law managed to stay home 3 months. At that point her husband and her kids asked her to go back to work. She just wasn't happy. Both of our children are grown now and all are successful. It is not how much you are with your children, but the relationship you have with them that counts. You need to look at yourself and your life and decide what part of it is making your unhappy and then how you can change it. Good luck!

HI E., I am glad you voiced yourself and have recieved much good advice. I did not give birth but I am a mom of adopted children. When they were babies and toddlers my husband worked long hours. I did several things for the kids, such as Gymboree and Kindermusik. The kids loved it and it ended up being a good thing for me, as I met some great moms that were in my situation and we have been great friends for almost 12 years now. We formed a playgroup and that also gave us mom time.
I did a few things for myself though. I asked my husband to take the kids on Saturdays and that was my day to do whatever I wanted. I also started doing a homebased business that has lasted for years. I joined for the fun but found that the business also gave me income and I felt a great sense from the personal growth, not to mention getting out with other woman. I never have felt guilty for having time for myself. I feel like it has made me a better mom. Becoming a mom is the best thing I have ever done but everyone needs time for themselves.
I also agree with going to the doctor and having some bloodwork done for thyroid/hormones. If it is off balance it can cause depression. Best of luck. I am sure you will feel better just knowing you are NORMAL!!

No, but it sounds like maybe post partum depression. Talk to your OBGYN - and find something you enjoy doing. Meds might be needed, but a little "me time" and maybe some therapy to help you not feel guilty about "not being happy" ( I blame the media - no one is always happy ) and to find something that you truly enjoy doing just for yourself. Your kids will pick up on your moods, so you must take care of yourself. If you are religious, spiritual or connected with a church, prayer works wonders. Good luck.

You really need to talk to your doctor about how you are feeling. It sounds to me like you have postpartum depression. It will go away but you can get help and you won't feel so bad and can enjoy life until it is gone. A lot of people get it but a lot of them feel shame like it is a failure. It is something that no one can help because it is a medical condition. Good luck.

C.

Hi! There is nothing wrong with you. You might feel like you are losing who you are as a person. It's great to be a SAHM, but you also need something just for yourself! I believe many women love being at home with their kids and raising them instead of day care...although sometimes we get so involved with our kids that we forget about ourselves. You have to be happy with yourself as a person before you can make your kids and husband truly happy. I have a home-based business that I am building. It gets me out of the house at least once a week and in contact with other adults (mostly women)...it also gives me spending money and with time help take all the financial stress off my husband. I have a 3 year old (4 on April 1st) and a 9 year old step-son. I love my kids but also love having my own business to work...I set the hours and days I work, not someone else.

If you'd like to check it out, email me at ____@____.com and I will get you some information on what I do. It's a great company with wonderful opportuities!!
D. :-)

Hang in there I am a 30 year old SAHM and I experienced the same sad feelings. It's just one of the many trials God puts us through to test our faith. If you have faith in him and believe then God will see you through this trying time. I felt this way two years ago. I stay at home with a 4 year old and a 2 year old who seem to always have a disagreement wether it be toys, costumes, sleeping in the bed are just annoying each other. This day in and day out can drive a sane person insane at least that is what I was telling myself. My husband also works numerous hours around the clock and when you see your children day in and day out and there always with you then you really have to say that my reward is delayed and it will soon come. But if you are a christian and believe in Christ then you will also believe that children are a blessing from God. With constant prayer and two days of two hours of me time I can truly say that PRAYER CHANGES THINGS. I'm not always sad or unhappy about the many blessings God has bestoyed on me.

Dear E.,
there is NOTHING wrong with you! When I first began staying at home (had a great career that I love for 12 years before marrying my awesome hubby and moving from Cal to Texas) I went through something very similar. My life was "perfect" yet I just couldn't feel happy. Everything upset me and I found it hard to truly be thankful for my daughter nad my husband etc. PLUS, knowing I "should" be happy made it even worse! here is the thing. Although you made the choice to stay home, and it is a great choice for your children and family etc, it is a HUGE change for you. we don't realize how much we define ourselves by what we do out in the world and how much even frustrating jobs can contribute to our sense of selves. It is a huge identity adjustment! You had a very social type of job and you are probably really missing the social outlet and stimulation. When you are used to working outside the home and contributing financially it can be hard to see the value that you now bring to the family as being as great. Being a SAHM is harder than most jobs out there and given far less respect and acknowledgement by our society. It was REALLY hard for me to no longer be bringing in an income as I had always taken care of myself financially. i also had a very social job in a salon and really underestimated how much I would miss all of the interaction on an adult level. The best advice I can give you is to find other SAHMs. I joined a few parents groups through Meetup.com and really liked some ot the people I met (others, not so much btu that's another story) Get together with other adults and don't' spend all day, every day as "mommy." It may be that working part time a night or two a week could provide a great outlet for you. In my experience, it took me about a year to settle in to my new role but I do feel very happy now but there are still some days I'd love to get up and go to "work." Good luck. You'll find your stride!

There is nothing "wrong" with you! I, too, was a SAHM for many, many years--my "baby" is 23--and I understand exactly what you are going through. Being a full-time mom of small children is extremely labor intensive and the job is 24/7.
First, talk to you doctor to be sure there are no hidden medical problems. Then, talk about being depressed--I think that's what you are experiencing. Taking a medication can be a real lifesaver. I resisted because you can't take a blood test that says, "you're not producing enough XYZ that helps regulate moods", but an anti-depressant can make a world of difference in your outlook.
Second, you need to find an outlet for yourself. Find a mother's day out group, join a group that swaps sitting, find a day care that will accept children for a couple hours a week, or if relatives are nearby, ask them. Then do something just for you! Pursue a hobby, learn a craft or skill, take a class, or just soak in the tub with no one demanding your time. Reconnect with yourself as a person. That's often easier said than done, but find something you enjoy doing.
I wish someone had told these things to me when I was a mom in my 20's. I wish there had been someplace or someone who could have watched the kids for just a couple hours.
One piece of advice that really made an impression on me was to treat your family as well as you treat your friends. Talk to your husband about his work hours, that you really want/need him to be home in the evening, at least a couple evenings a week. You're feeling pulled in many directions and he is too--it's all on him now to provide for the family.
At the very least, talk to a counselor who maybe able to offer coping tools that haven't occurred to you.
You've chosen a very demanding and rewarding path. You decided your children are worth parenting and are willing to do what it takes to accomplish that.
Good luck to you and many blessings!
M. W.
mother of 3

There is absolutely NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU! You should definitely talk to someone. It may be post partum depression, a very serious and very treatable condition. I have a history of depression in my family. It is very scary. I am not currently under treatment but I have been in the past. So, don't worry. It doesn't have to be a weight on your shoulders. There is hope. I know that it is hard to remember to take care of yourself when you are tending to everyone and everything else that comes along with staying at home. It is easy to get caught up in the day in and day out and lose sight of your other interests and goals. Sometimes I find myself right where you are. You will overcome this! In the meantime, it is ok to rely on the love, support and comfort of your family, friends and faith. Take care. Best wishes:)

Gosh. It sounds like you're having a go of it. I'm not an expert, but it soundsl pretty normal for someone who was a bartender only 6 mos ago and used to working with adults (in a social setting at that)would have a tough transition to staying at home w/ kiddos and not working.

I'm not a SAHM, but I will tell you that you shouldn't feel guilty for feeling yucky. You can't control your feelings. Yes, some women might judge you and say they wish they had the opportunity to stay at home and you should just suck it up. But those are pretty closed minded people that see things in black and white.

I think you need to not be so h*** o* yourself for feeling this way. And as for getting out of the rut. My mother in law said something right after I had Madison. She said that her advice so that I don't get into the post partum dull drums is to do something for myself every single day. Not for myself and Madison, but just me. Like go for a walk or take a bath, etc...

Also, do you exercise? I know that my hormones and endorphine levels get messed up and I quickly get down on myself when I don't exercise. To me, that is the best and most beautiful and natural anti-deppressant.

And if all of these "love yourself first" things don't get you where you need to be, you probably should see a counselor. Sometimes talking to someone that's paid to listen is just what the doctor ordered :0)

I'm thinking of seeing one myself. I've become a little down myself since I stopped BF. I don't know if my hormone changes are nuts or what... In fact, I'm probably going to post something about it here to get other's feedback.

Anyway, hang in there.

Hi E.
I want to start by saying that I too was a bartender/waitress (Chili's) when I got married. We were expecting 6 months later and I worked through and after the pregnancy. My husband worked 12 hour shifts in the hospital and he worked 2 days on 2 days off, so we worked opposite shifts. Our next baby came 16 months later, and I continued to work through and after that one as well. I found myself struggling with being away and thought that I would be happier and more fufilled if I stayed at home, so I quit.

I so wish that I could just reach through this computer, give you a big hug and tell you it is all going to get better. It will!!!

You are not alone or different or failing in any way!!

I hear your questions about mood and schedule and work, but I think that the pain and self questioning is really coming from not understanding why your husband is working 5 hours more PER DAY than he is being paid for or is required of him. I think you are wondering why he doesn't want to be at home with you and the babies.
This is so hard. You truly need his support now more than ever in your marriage.
It sounds like you are a great wife and a great mom!
I would see if you can find a babysitter or put the kids to bed and have an evening together to talk about his goals and what he wants out of his career and home life. See where he is coming from. Share your heart and your struggles and see where it goes. Keep seeking advice! Ask for help!! Set date nights and encourage him to plan every other one.

As for the other concerns.......

Alot of this advice is good and is important to consider.

I think that the most important thing for you to know and to recognize is that you have made some HUGE changes in the past three years and that alone is stressful and hard for both of you! You are still learning how to be a wife and now you have not just one but two little babies to care for and be a mommy to.

Take one struggle at a time. Spend a week sorting through some goals or ideas you have about being a mom. Set up some ways to achieve those. Get into a good routine.
Then take a week sorting through some goals as a wife. Set up some ways to achieve those, and get into a good routine.

This is a new season and it will be wonderful!

W.

No wonder your going stir crazy! I read all the advice below and have to agree with everyone (except one woman that said that staying at home is not for everyone!). I have been a SAHM for over 9 years now and I have to admit the first 6 months were the lonelyist of my life. But then a bunch of women from LaLeche League got together and we formed a playgroup. These women became my best friends and we met almost everyweek for over 3 years! It was wonderful - I had adult contact with women living similar lives, and even though I was in a house full of children we didn't have to entertain the children, they did it themselves!! My advice: don't think you have to be happy, no one is all the time. You need to see your GP, make sure its not depression, or something that can get worse. Go out there and meet some moms with kids your age: Gymborie, music class, visit parks at different times to find out when the mom's go, swim lessons even, but get out there and meet some other women with small children. Then talk to them, and invite them over! Maybe they're already part of a playgroup and you can join with them! Finally, talk with your husband. I'm sorry, but I don't understand why he works such long hours every night. Doesn't he want to be home for dinner?? To tuck his children in bed? It will not hurt his career to come home in time for dinner! He's missing out on their lives, and its not good for the kids. Finally, don't feel bad at the thought of working one night a week. I did that right after my second was born and it was wonderful. I'm sure I'm dead wrong, but I did not feel that having dinner with my family then leaving one night a week changed my status as a SAHM! Remember, if you do go back part time though: its not about the money! It's about having fun and a little adult time. OK? The decision to stay home was the right one, find a way to have it meet your needs too. This is truely going to be one of the "hardest job you'll ever love!"

First off, I'm not a doctor. It's possible that you're clinically depressed and need help in that way, and I don't want to discourage you from inquiring about that.

That having been said, you actually sound pretty normal to me. Kids that age are VERY draining, particularly if you don't have breaks. With your husband working such long hours, and your kids, I would bet that you are UTTERLY EXHAUSTED, probably physically and almost certainly emotionally!

In times past, extended family helped moms of young kids keep their sanity. Nowadays, that's often not a possibility. But that's why there are so many play dates and other similar activities going on all the time. Yes, the kids get to play. But the biggest thing is that the MOMS get to TALK and there are additional eyes to help watch the kids. The stress level goes WAY down. You can bounce things off of other moms and find out that you're NORMAL. It's a huge relief - and some fun for YOU.

Kids are a huge blessing. But they are also the hardest job you'll ever love. And those of us who were in the working world sometimes have a hard time transitioning (I know I did, though now I love being at home with my kids!). One of the hardest things for me? No feedback on my performance. I was used to being praised at work (or told if I messed up) - getting performance appraisals, comments on my work, etc. At home, unless your husband notices what you do and says thank you (which, by the way, I let my husband know early on would be REALLY helpful to me!), you get NOTHING in the way of feedback. I felt really lost for a while.

One book that helped me is called Professionalizing Motherhood. I don't remember the author, but you should be able to find it under that name. Another engineer mom that I knew who had left the working world a few years before me gave it to me when I left work to be home with my kids. It really helped me get some perspective and learn how to "manage" my new job better.

Anyway, this is long, but I hope it helps!

B.

Yes! You should get an appt asap with your GP. It sounds like it could be depression or something like that. It happens to MANY of us and is fairly simple to take care of. It can lead to LOTS of other things that aren't so easy to treat, so take care of yourself!

Good luck to you! I wish you the best.

Sounds like you've gone thru some changes in your life
You should go see your family physician and get an assessment
Are you taking any kind of multivitamins? moms with kids need to keep up. You also need other young moms for support, I recommend MOPS, find out if there's one in your area. I believe you need to be with other adults and not loose your womanhood (friend,wife, etc) identity. If you're constantly fighting with your husband then that's probably the reason he stays away. I know it's hard but, when he comes home you need to create an environment for him and you to relax after a long day, talk about your days and unwind together.

You did not say where you live, but we have a great group in Greater Lewisville Area. Very Greater Lewisville (we have members from Plano to Irving to Denton) that could be a great help. Check out our website at www.motherandmore.org for a national overview and then you can find our local link under find a chapter near you. Our welcoming coordinator is just an email away if you would like more information.

You are not alone, and you are not doing anything different than most other moms who have left the work force. Reach out for some support, there is plenty to be found!

This group of ladies saved my sanity five years ago and I we are still a close group of growing friends!

Best of luck!

You are simply someone who has within them a desire to be more than just average. It sounds like you have a great family, perhaps you just want to be able to give more outside of your blessings. I know without a purpose outside ourselves we cannot always appreciate what is in front of us.
I myself enjoy encouraging others in being the best they were intended to be. I use health and energy to get people motivated to look at what is really important to them and what they want to share with others. You are busy with a family, but sounds like you have a desire to put into others outside of your family. Remember you are a wife and mother first, but look at how you can help others with whatever unique talents you have.

Your symptoms sound just like my daughter a year ago. As much as I hate the thought of taking medication, I do have to agree that it has helped her a lot. She is taking Vyvance and is now functioning as she feels she should. I'm not saying that that particular drug is what you need, but you really should see someone and determine what is causing your feelings.

Yes! Talk to your GP or your OB. You could be going through clinical depression which is VERY treatable even when it is short term. You could also be missing adult interaction. It is hard to be with little ones all day and night with no grown up conversation. And you might want to talk to your husband about coming home earlier some nights. Maybe plan a date night. Being a stay home mom (my dream job at the moment since I am not one) is HARD with little ones. You love them and want the best for them, but a break is ok. Take some time for you. Just you. Have your husband be Mr. Mom for a weekend. Your kids will love it, and he will, too -once he gets over the shock of it if he hasn't been able to do this before with his schedule!
Good luck!

I think your anger towards your husband is due to the fact that he is out working, something that you use to do as well. Please don't take that wrong. I am the same way with things. My husband and I own our own business and he left to go work in Iraq and I have turned into a stay at home mom as well. I don't feel like I am acomplishing anything for myself anymore and I have always been a hard worker. Try and get just a part time job if you don't want to work full time. Maybe some time to yourself will help as well.

It is very hard to give up your whole life, something that you where use to doing before while everyone else is going on with theres. That is how I felt so much after my husband went to work overseas. You need adult time and friends. Kids are great but you need someone your age as well to talk too.

1. Most of all, be good to yourself. Focus on the relationships in your life & not the tasks & accomplishments. I found that as I lowered the stress in the household & made it a more relaxed, inviting environment, my husband spent less time at work. I also left work when my oldest daughter was 2. It took me a good 2 years to adjust emotionally to not working outside the home (even though I've continued to do a little bit of contract & volunteer work). And I'm still not very organized about how I manage my life now. The ups & downs can be strong. The adjustment to motherhood and marriage, especially with 2 toddlers, is more complicated than anyone describe. I feel like I'm still redefining who I am, even 4 years after quitting full-time work.

2. Check with a doctor to verify whether or not you need clinical treatment or counseling to make sure the frustration doesn't do damage to your relationships. I had an episode of deep dark depression and anger that I finally figured out was triggered by an allergy medicine. And the hormones really can rage on for a long time.

3. Distract yourself from the frustration. Music, reading, naps, regular time out of the house with friends, whatever it takes to regain your center. With the ages of your kids, just trust that important things will get done in time. Feeding, laundering, dressing, bathing is often more than can really be accomplished in a day!

4. Make sure you're not doing too much. Don't run yourself ragged with activities. Take the kids out as a distraction rather than a constant course of action. Training them to play by themselves at home is a valuable skill for the rest of their lives...and yours!

Hi E.,

There is nothing wrong with you. One question, do you know if you're done having kids? BECAUSE, sometimes that will bring on a post partum depression, even if you don't have an infant. Get out with adults, form your own "Mom's day out" at a park or indoor play area. I went through something a lot like that and I slowly change things in my life to be the mom I wanted to be. I start over everyday and have a mental list(or an actual list) of the things I'm going to do and Not going to do. I'm going to start reading some books very soon. 1) The Power Of A Positive Mom, and 2) ( because I'm 34) Before the Change (don't laugh, too much)Ha ha. I've change my diet slowly, I've left a ton of chores for a couple of days, and I've actually forced myself to ask for help with chores and times out for me from my friends. Believe me, real friends are always there for you. I'm so sorry this is happening to you and you will get through it. One day at a time and don't ever feel like you can't get out of feeling the way you do. You can start your day over as many times as you need to.

Take care, C. G.

I feel for you so much! I have been a SAHM for almost 5 years now. I went through something similar to what you are experiencing just after I started satying home. I was used to having my schedule planned out for me by having a job. When I stayed home I was in charge of what went on and I wasn't sure what to do. What seemed to help me was getting into a routine or schedule of my own. I would get up and shower and get ready for the day just as usual. I do my laundry on Mondays and Fridays so I don't have to do it on the weekends, and I got involved with a volunteer organization for women (Junior League). Time will also help. You have been home for only 6 months. It will get better, but I think talking to your doctors would be a really great step to take as well. Your hormone levels could be out of whack. I sincerely hope and pray that you find happiness and joy in your life again. You are changing the world one little heartbeat at a time, remember that. *hugs*

it sounds to me that you miss your job also maybe go back to work and if you are not happy with your self maybe that is why your husband stays at work for so many hours. and yes if it is not getting any better you need to go see your dr but let me also say something my sister has kids from the ages of 24 to 15 and she is depressed and got hooked on pain meds from the doctor so just be careful with that

You are absolutely doing nothing wrong. Your life has taken a dramatic turn while your husband's has stayed the same. When my life was like yours after a career of 10 years followed by children, I found a wonderful MOPS group (Mothers of Preschoolers) at a local church. It provided outings for the children and support for me with like-minded mothers. Stay the course, you will love staying at home with your little ones. It is a big sacrifice, but your kids will appreciate it (mine are in middle school and high school and still comment on how happy they were that I stayed home with them). I'll be praying for you. Enjoy each moment of those precious little ones as the time goes by really fast. Have a blessed day!

I went through kind of the same thing when I began to stay at home this year. I have a 5 year old and a 3 yr old and I quit teaching after 7 years to stay at home with them. This has always been a dream of mine since my son was born. However, after about a month i noticed I was blue a lot and not happy. I couldn't understand it since I knew that this is what I had wanted. I talked with my best friend and after awhile we figured it was just because I was adjusting to a new routine. I found that what helped was knowing that i felt normal and also making time for myself to "get out". TAke a night off from the kids to go get coffee with a girlfriend, or take a day for yourself to do something without the kids. This is really important because it helps rejuvenate you. When I realized these things and began to put them in my schedule, I began to feel better. Better about myself and not so blue.

I hope this helps.....

It sounds like you might have a little bit of depression. I would call your GP and talk to him/her about how you are feeling. I can't tell you for sure, but I have been through that as well. It does take getting used to being home with your wonderful kids, but you still need to have some "You" time away from it all.
I would also talk to your husband and let him know what is going on. Maybe ask if he would come home early sometime and you might want to go out with a girlfriend.
The main thing I know is, don't keep it in. It will only build and build and that is no fun at all.
Good Luck

there is nothing wrong with you. Like you I chose to stay at home with my children, and take care of them. When you go from two salaries to one, brings in a lot of money issues which could be very frustrating. Sometimes you think that you are not contributing to the family (which by the way you are majorly.) Have you ever thought of "me" time. set a time of day for yourself, and have the kids play quietly, or read while you do something for yourself. Also set up a time with your husband where you can go out without the children. I have never regretted staying home with my children, nor felt I needed to go to work. This is my job. I work 24/7 on it and enjoy every min of it.

You need to find other mothers to visit while kids have play (dates) I had four kids and a neighbor & I got together every afternoon for coffee & some (adult) to talk to,it kept our sanity and we always looked forward to it.From being with the public in your job to no interaction is a shock to your system, but having the feedom to do all the stuff at home,& also have it done so you and hubby can just be with each other when he comes in will be great. And by the way,you may indicate to him that the extra money he may make with the hours, you could tighten belt & spending, and would rathur enjoy his company, and time with kids. Seeing more of him may help also. But finding some organization with other mothers if you have no neighbors to visit would help.

I have so many thoughts running through my head right now, because I have been where you are. I have a fabulous husband. He really does spoil me. My kids are wonderful. We aren't rich, but we have enough for our needs. And yet, there was a time when I couldn't be happy. I was angry and frustrated all the time. There is a myth that tells us if we have husband and kids and can stay home we should be deliriously happy. If we look at what is going on, we can see the reasons why you are struggling right now.
First, the transition from working outside the home to being exclusively at home is hard. You've basically gone from being an employee to being your own boss. That can be a blessing or a curse. You have to learn to set your own working parameters, objectives, schedule, and so forth. It is something that has to be learned.
Second, your kids are young. One toddler can be equal to an entire colony of monkeys. If your youngest is in the least bit mobile, that is a whole new set of challenges.
Third, your husband is gone a lot. It sounds like you don't have a lot of support.
Now. Repeat after me: "I am not crazy." As a matter of fact, I think the negative feelings are perfectly normal. If you are very concerned, check with a doctor to make sure you are not suffering from a bit of depression. I actually did go see a counselor for a short time. I recognized that I did not have the tools I needed to handle my life.
Here are some things that I found that helped me:
A journal. It was very helpful to write down what I was feeling. Even if the only entry is, "I hate everything today." I tried to list the things for which I was grateful. It really helped to keep my perspective.
Talk to your husband. He needs to know how you are feeling. Ask him for what you need. "Honey, I need you to come home on time today." or "I need you to spend time with your kids so I can have some time to myself." If you don't know what you need, tell him to just listen and not try to fix anything.
You need some time for yourself. Whether you go have lunch with a friend or take yourself to the movie, you need to have that time. You and your husband need some time alone, as well.
Take care of your physical self. You know. The basics. Sleep, good food, and exercise. If you can get both kids to nap at the same time, you nap with them. Eat a healthy diet. Food can drastically affect our moods. Put on music and dance with the kids. Put them in a stroller and take a walk (even if the weather is bad.)
If you have family close by, enlist their help. In previous generations, families were close by. We had our mothers, grandmothers, aunts, and sisters to help. If your family is not close by, find a playgroup or create one. Get some time out.
Having kids is hard work. Even when you are doing everything "right" you are going to have extremely, remarkably bad days. Some days are great. Some are not.
My current mantra is "This too shall pass". All these frustrations are temporary. I find a new way to deal with it every day. Some work. Some work only temporarily. It's OK. This too shall pass.

Nothing is wrong with you. You are use to be out and about and becoming a stay at home Mom is not always exciting - long term you will be so glad you made this decision, but for right now it's probably hard. You have mentioned all you do for your family, but nothing on the ME list. You need to make YOUR time. I am a Mom who made the choice to give up a carer and stay at home and it was the best decision I ever made. I missed work and the daily people contact, but I found friends who I had kids in common with and learned to play with them, our kids, and we had ME time. I know I keep stressing the me time, but it's so important for all concerned. Also, Husband time is a must. Remember he was around before your two wonderful blessings, and will be around long after the leave the nest. My husband and I have Thursday time. It's committed to us. We sometimes go out, sometimes rent a movie or just watch TV together. We don't answer calls or make every effort to just hang out. Join a pre-school PTA. You will make lots of contacts and they have interesting speakers. My boys are now 25 and 22. They are wonderful guys and I miss them not living at home, but love their independence of the men they have become.
As for projects, start learning kid crafts, how to bake a good cookie, and enjoy the ride, because life truly does go quicker than you think.
Last, talk to you Doctor, let your GP know what you're feeling. Talking to someone may just be the answer you are looking for.
Sorry I wrote you a book, but I pray that this will help you in some way or another.
We could talk if you like, ____@____.com

It doesn't sound like there is anything wrong with you. I have 2 boys ages 4 & 2. It is very overwhelming to have little people constantly needing your every attention. I remarked to my aunt recently that I felt like I was still struggling thru the baby stage. I laughed when she said, yes you are still in the baby stage. I don't sleep well, I get sick a lot, and I am never alone. I'm sure you feel much the same way. Just give yourself a break and try to find ways to have a little time to yourself. Even if it's just a bubble bath after the kids go to bed. Now that both my kids go to mothers day out a few hours a week, I am starting to feel a little more like myself. Try to take is easy on yourself and talk to lots of moms. It really helps me. Hang in there!

Hi E.,

I do think that it would be a great idea to talk to your GP right away. It sounds like you may be having a bit of post partum depression as your second child is not even a year old yet. It is definitely nothing to feel badly about as it is so very normal. The feelings you are having are definitely not something to ignore either. It doesn't hurt to just talk to your doctor about it just to make sure. You deserve to be happy :)! Once you do that, you can look into other options. Perhaps you need to work part time to satisfy your independent or professional side. That was the case with me. I also have two beautiful children and now own my own business so that I can work part time out of my home. I love that I can be a stay at home Mom first, but still satisfy my need for independence. If you would like more info. on my business just let me know. I think it is perfect for busy Stay-at Home Moms like us.

Take care of yourself and keep us posted on how things turn out. Blessings!

C.

Nothing wrong with you, sounds like you are lonely. Would your husband consider a date night? Do you go to church? What do you do for yourself? It's hard taking care of two little ones and it sounds like you are doing it by yourself. You need a break. Have you considered a mommy's day out program?
D.

wow! you would be surprised how many times i have answered this question since i was in the exact same spot a year ago. you need something for you! art classes, bible study, a part time job doing something you will like, something that will get you out of the house on a regular basis and give you some you time doing something you enjoy. if you need ideas, call the local community center and see what classes they are offering (they can send you a book) or just look online. community college classes are usualy only like $100 a semester. church is usualy free or super cheap. i go to 2 bible studies at church a week and i LOVE it! it's changed my life! made me a better wife and mother! good luck!

E.,
It sounds to me like you are depressed and possibly suffering from post partum depression.
I would definitely make an appointment with your GP ASAP and not wait to discuss this with your OB.
Good Luck
H.

Hi E.- I see you received a TON of responses and I didn't go through them but I wanted to give you my two cents. Sounds like you are suffering from Post-Partum Depression. Staying at home with the kiddos all day can be rough. Also, your kids are so close in age, and it really takes your body a full 2 years to recover from pregnancy, so your hormones probably never really got back to normal. I commend you for taking the first step to call your Dr. Medication isn't the right choice for everyone, but for others it can do wonders. I'm a member of the latter group. It's been a blessing for me. One thing you also might consider is getting the kids in a childcare center and getting a part-time job. Sometimes us moms need the time away from our kids to REALLY appreciate the time we do get to spend with them. Just a thought. Good luck.

No, there is nothing wrong with you. All SAHM's go through this period, or at least all the ones I know. It is hard to be motivated to clean house, wash clothes, etc., and take care of two little ones (mine are almost 4 and 2). Plus, with a husband who has a time consuming job it doesn't help much. Sounds like you need to find a babysitter and spend some time with old friends. Talking with toddlers all day is beyond tiresome. Adult conversation is a must.

It sounds like your husband is very dedicated to providing for you, but needs to be home more. 7a-9p is a long day for him, but it's also a long day for you to be home alone with 2 small children. That's exhausting. You're probably also missing being around adults. It's a hard transition. I know it will be hard, but I think you need to talk to your husband and honestly discuss your feelings. He needs to take some of the burden at home, even if you're still home, but especially try to get out with some friends every once in a while.

My son was older, but I went from being a full-time store manager (lots of odd hours) to being a full-time SAHM. It's tough! There were days that I absolutely could not wait for my hubby to walk in the door. I was starved for adult conversation! I had my son involved in swimming, but I didn't do anything without him and that takes it's toll on you.

No there is nothing wrong with you. Hormones are just getting the best of you it sounds like.

E.,
I'm sorry you're going through a rough time right now. I think, first, that you've already made a good step toward helping yourself by realizing your feelings. Many times people don't stop to take a good look at what their feeling and think that the issue will resolve itself if ignored. By acknowledging your feelings your beginning the process toward helping yourself. Second, have you been able to take any time for yourself lately? It might be that you're "given out." By that I mean that you've been focusing on everyone elses needs and neglecting yourself in the process. This can build resentment and then shame or guilt when you realize it. Mommy-time is just as important as Husband & Wife time, Mommy and baby time, etc. Try scheduling some time at least once a week where you can get away and do something just for yourself and by yourself (mani, pedi, movie, time at the bookstore alone, etc.).

If this doesn't seem to be helping, perhaps you should go ahead and schedule an appointment with your GP to see what help he/she can offer.

I hope you get some good suggestions and find the peace your looking for.

K.

Hi E.,

If you have been feeling this way since the birth of your son, it may be as simple as postpartum depression. Studies have shown that Omegas can significantly help with this. Here's a link: http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2003/05/21/health/main5549.... I have a great source of mercury free Omegas if you need info. :)

P. H

Sounds like you have a major bit of depression. With your youngest being only one you may be experienceing postpartum, which can last up to a year. Call you OB and tell them what is going on and they will probabley get you in quicker. I will be thinking about you!!

i have 3 boys and about 6 months after my 2nd son i noticed i felt alot like you described. I finally got my hormones checked, and they were out of balance, so i went on the pill for 6 months to get them back on track and that helped to a degree. I don't know if your struggle is something physical as well, so the DR appt is probably a good idea. What i finally realized is that most of my struggle had more to do with my expectations of myself and life around me and the fact that i was stuck in a constant "reaction mode" to the realities of my life. after several years of struggling, I read the book, Purpose Driven life. As I read through the book, i realized some things needed to change, most of which started with me just looking at things from a different perspective than i had before, and from a wider angle. I have realized that I have a purpose for living and as i have learned more about a puposed driven life, i might not always be "happy" according to our cultures definition, but I have hope and joy, even when things don't feel good,I have a peace that gets me through any situation, because i know i was created for a pupose and can trust my Lord and savior, who on purpose, died for me, so i could have that hope and peace and life forever.i hope you will check out this book, its made to read a little each day for 40 days. I promise, you will be encouraged! i'll be praying for you because you too were created for a purpose and so were those precious children of yours.Good luck! K.

I read through a few of the responses, and I think I'm pretty much going to echo what a lot of the other moms said, but you sound like you need a lot of support right now!

I am a HUGE advocate for stay at home moms, I have 4 children, current ages 11, 9, 5, and 3, who I homeschool. I started staying at home w/ my kids when I only had two and they were 3 and 1 years old. We also homeschool, so I am literally w/ all my kids all day.

BUT, that being said - it isn't for everyone. We all have different mental attitudes, attributes and capabilities, and for some being a sahm is different than others. If in the end, you decide it's not for you, you should have no guilt over that. If you decided you will be happier working again, then you should have no guilt, b/c if YOU are not happy, your family and children will not be either!

But, as many have said - the transition from working mom to stay at home mom is tough. You were in a high energy, very social job b/4 you decided to stay at home. Bartending/waitressing is high speed, and lots, and lots of interaction w/ adults, and now your days are lacking that in a big way - especially since your dh isn't home that often.

I think the first step you need to take is to talk to your dh and let him know how you FEEL. Don't attack or blame, just tell him how you feel. Ask that he make an effort to come home sooner for the benefit of the entire family. Let him know you need help, w/ the kids, not so much physically, but emotionally as well.

You also should make some time for you. Perhaps going out one night a week to get coffee and talk w/ a friend, or going to the movies.

It's also a blessing if you and dh can find someone to watch your kids at least one night a month so that the two of you can have some grown-up adult time together to continue to reconect to each other and remind yourselves why you feel in love w/ each other in the first place. I am certainly not saying that the two of you are no longer in love, simply that it is my opinion that EVERY couple should make date night a priority through their ENTIRE marriage!

If you choose to still stay at home then I strongly encourage you to join a moms group. Hang out w/ other moms and your kids at the same time, then you get the best of both worlds, you get to be w/ your kids and have the adult interaction you need! I warn you to be aware of the type of group you join. I have joined several moms/homeschooling groups over the years, and a few were anti-husband (I don't mean the group itself, but a few had a LARGE amount of members who were anti-husband). What I mean by that is, when you join a group and are talking w/ moms who are constantly complaining about their husbands and how unhappy they are -- then that is detrimental to your own home happiness. It drives us to become like-minded in their thinking, that whole mom mentality thing.

If you find a group w/ several women you like who are positive about their marriages and the choice they've made to stay at home , then those types of attitudes will help you take more comfort w/ the decision you have made, and can help you with tips/ideas on how to make this stage of your life easier.

I don't know where you live, but here in the dfw area, there are TONS of yahoo moms groups. Just go to the yahoo groups homepage and type in moms and the city you live in.

I also recommend that your family join a church, if you don't already go to one. Find a church that your family is comfortable with, it can be a great time for the entire family to reconnect w/ each other and refocus, it's a great place to meet other moms and families, great place to find activites for the family, and a great place to learn how you can continue to strengthen your marriage and family!

Also, because I don't know the extend of your "depression" , I do second what a few have said about talking to your Ob/gyn or doctor and letting them know the situation. While I am not a big advocate of medication, I believe if you need it, you need it and that is a decision for each individual themselves.

Good luck to you and God Bless!

There is nothing wrong with you. You have two small children under the age of 3. You do EVERYTHING by yourself and you don't have help. It's a 24hr job, mentally/physically...and yes, you get exhausted and your day is never ending. Your day is also repetitive. I stay home with 3 children under age of 5yrs old and my husband helps out, but the major bulk I have to do everyday, and yes I get burned out sometimes. It doesn't mean I don't love my children or my situation, but it's nice to go to the bathroom by yourself at times :). You are also adjusting to staying home full time as you worked 6 months ago. Don't beat yourself up - we are not perfect - just don't let yourself get stuck in that state of mind. If you can squeeze in an outside part time job so that you get out without the kids, you should do it. I have always worked on something throughout all my pregnancies, and now with 3 children (youngest is 8 months) it's tough to get a job. I know that I would then have 2 full time jobs b/c I would have to do everything I do now plus what a job would require me to do. I joined a mothers group...www.meetup.com and when I can, I join the ladies when they go to play areas, malls, etc. It's hard for me to do that at times b/c of my kids schedule and sleep time, etc. I placed my two oldest in a mother's day out program, my 2 yr old 1x a week and my 5 (goes 5 days now) - this gave me one day with just one baby. That gave me a little breather. See if your husband can't come home earlier so that you get some help from him getting the kids ready for dinner, bed, etc. Yes, he does work, but so do you. Don't you forget that. Even though you don't bring money in the equation, you work...and very hard. People don't understand that a SAHM is the hardest job you will ever posses. Most think it's flexible, social, etc, but really you're on the kids schedule. I understand your situation, but know that it will get better as the children get older. Meanwhile, see if you can't get someone to look after the children, even for a couple of hours once or twice a week, so that you can do something by yourself or with a girlfriend.
Hang in there -

definatly go see your general physcian asap. That sounds alot like depression. They will probably test your blood levels and thyriod and hormones to make sure that it isnt something medically causing an imbalance. But i wouldnt let it drag on for a long time it can slowly destroy your relationship with your husband, and thats not good for you or your kids.

I haven't read the other responses so if any of this is a repeat forgive me. I have three kids 3,6 & 12. I have been a stay at home mom for most of that time. Before I was the Assistant to the Divisional Vice President of the Company I worked for. I loved my job and it gave me fulfillment. I chose to stay home because I always knew I wanted to be a mom first. WHOA! Did I get a shock. It was so hard for me to stay motivated or find much joy in anything. I felt as though I were disapearing and I was lost in sadness in my head that I couldn't exactly explain. It took me about 3 years to figure out that I needed to recapture some of the things that were me. Also keep in mind that they are not this little forever and that your life will change more and more with every year they grow and begin new things.

You need things to look forward to and plan. Things that have nothing to do with your children. I would suggest a good Mothers Day Out program for the 2 yr old. Trust me boys need it more than girls. Two days a week will give you a little breather.It will also connect you with other Moms who are in similar situations. Secondly, if you and your husband have stopped dating because you are married start again. Take turns planning things.(So you don't begin to feel as if it is just another job for you) Do a date night every other week. Set rules so that your expectations are not violated.

Get involved in a book club or similar group of your interest. Plan a lunch with your girlfriends every other week. The key is to regain some of who you are so that you don't get lost in your children and husband.

Some of the things I do is teach Sunday School, teach Awana's on Wednesday nights, work in the church nursery sometimes, plan dates with my sisters, my friends and my husband. I will go and catch a late night movie during the week with a girlfriend.

I hope this helps a little. I just needed to feel as though I had a purpose.

You express symptoms that mirror clinical depression. go get help from a professional. Seek some support group you have commonalities with. Seek out help. take time out with you alone and then with your husband. Take charge of your situation before it takes a hold of you.

Praying for strength in your situation.

Speaking as an older women that raised 4 kids as a single mother and worked, I don't think it is anything wrong with you, you just don't have enough me time. You have to make some time for yourself. You are taking care of everyone but you. I just moved to Lancaster, and noticed a daycare on Pleasant Run. Check with them and see if they take drop in's and just treat yourself to a movie, and pampering one day. You are a young women with young kids, and believe me I can relate. I never wanted to do anything but just take care of my family. But God taught me that it was ok to have some just me time. Try it one day and let me know how it went. You will be more relaxed and will be able to deal with the children and hubby better.

Have you told your husband how you are feeling? Although it is admirable for your husband to work long hours, he may be taking away the time you need for "grown-up" talk. Can he shift his hours? When my husband was first starting his profession he went to work in the wee-hours so that he could be home in the late afternoon and evenings. He then had time to get to know the kids and I had some time with supportive help and adult contact. (And, we went to bed very early!) I felt blessed that he chose that working schedule. Our 4 children were 4 1/2 years apart (thanks to twins) and I don't think I would have kept my sanity without his help/input.

I do think you should talk to your GP. He/She may have suggestions to help you cope. It's difficult being a "good mom" while never having any time to yourself. You may be suffering a bit of depression---not all that uncommon after babies, even if the baby is 11 months old. And, not uncommon after leaving the workforce.

J.

I've been there done that, and I think you need to seek medical advice ASAP. The sooner you talk to someone the sooner they can get you started on meds to make you feel better. I don't really like to take medication, but if it helps you feel better I'm all for it. I've been taking an antidepressant for about 4 years now and it has made a total difference in my life. Recently I had to start on a different one and also on another medication. Since I've switched I feel great, sure I still have my down times, but nothing like they used to be. I was not wanting to do anything and crying alot also angry but the meds helped me as well as my family. My husband didn't know what to think, he just wanted me to be happy. Depression runs in my family so I have been around it my whole life. Just please talk to someone soon, you can't take care of anyone else if you can't take care of yourself. Good luck and let me know if there is anything I can do for you. Just don't let it continue, because it will only get worse.

K.

Definately talk with your doc ASAP. Sounds like depression, and could be postpartum depression which can occur up to 18 months after delivery. No reason to feel guilty. Just get the help you need now before it gets worse.

Dear E.,
I hope that you decided that all of the advice you received still was not what “you “need. Only you truly know your heart and your answers. We all want to be great moms and great wives. I have been in a similar situation. What you described are all symptoms of something that only you can solve. It may not be in a pill or a simple conversation with your husband. What if there is a way for you to be powerful enough to inspire your husband to want to be home and you and your children could be peaceful, joyful, and content.
I truly believe it because I was a stay at home mom with “everything” but still felt like, well, what you described. My husband and I had symptoms of minor things that were wrong with our marriage and one major thing. We really did not know how to “hear” each other. We did several things that have now transformed our marriage and our selves. The 2 big things that I did were attending 2 seminars and doing a lot of work on me. The me that I could be. Pathways Core training helped me see what it meant to truly believe in my self and be safe to be B.(not just the B. that people needed me to be) and I am a better mom because of it. Then I asked my husband to attend Relationship Rich wit me so we could get it right. I did not want to lose him but at the same time felt so alone in the marriage and didn’t really know how to talk to him about it.
It was hard work but now I am so happy and so is the family. When one of us needs to talk we can without hesitation and we are teaching our boys how to live a healthy and happy life, even when we disagree or feel overwhelmed. If you would like to talk with me about any of this please feel free to email me at ____@____.com
You deserve to be happy and your family deserves that, too!

Nope not a thing. Pretty reasonable for someone with two young children that has responsibility for them 90%of the tim*e to be a little bonkers :) Is it possible for your Hubby to reduce his overtime? He sounds like an over acheiver and unless his job DEMANDS that he work all that time, he really needs to spend time with the family, he is going to miss the most important years of your lives. NOT just the children. If that is not possible then definitly get in a support group for children, a mother's days out club etc... someone to talk to. Have you talked to your Mother, not about your hubby but about being a bit down. You might be going through a stage of depression which your GP would be able to help with. TALK to someone , it's important to your mental health. I am a stay at home GRANDMOTHER of one 4 year old that lives with us. I keep him for my daughter while she works etc.... so I know it's hard, just going to activities isn't enough for you. So take the time to join some kind of Moms group through your church, or whatever. Good luck hon, let us know what happens with you.

Hi. There can be so many possiblities as to what is going on with you. Some women just cant stay home. Maybe you are not getting enough time without the kiddos. There could be physical things going on too. Like a thyroid problem or depression. I would go ahead and see a GP to rule out any physical problem. Also, I would talk with the hubby about his work hours. He needs to learn to work from 8-5 and let it go after. There will be the occasion that he has to work late, but it shouldnt be daily. I can say all of this because my husband and I have been there. I am a SAHM with a 4 yr old and a 2 yr old. I have a thyroid condition that when not properly medicated I just cant get going. I hope this helps!

E.,

I'm so sorry you are having such a rough time. I hear your desperation and pain! I also hear your desperation. Yes, I would contact your OB to see if you can get in sooner. If you can't get into your OB sooner, I strongly suggest you call TOMORROW.
E., do you have any support from family or friends like your Mom, or church?
I would be happy to meet with you in a restaurant here in Granbury if that would help you. You can contact me @ ____@____.com, God loves you more than you could ever imagine and He has a plan for your life. His Son, Jesus said in Matthew 11:28-30 28."Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. 29. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.
30. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light." Those scriptures are what has helped me more times than I can count.
Another thought, have you considered working part-time and putting the kids in a day program? I can recommend the one at First Baptist on Hwy 51. My niece worked there for over a year. Maybe that will help make you feel less trapped by kids and their constant demands. It sounds like you are missing the freedom to interact with adults and have some spending money of your own.
Please let me know if I've helped you at all. I'll be praying for you.

Your new friend,
T.

E., please go see your GP before May. Sometimes things happen to our hormone balances after the birth of a child. You've made some major life changes, too. Be easy on yourself as you take the steps to feel better. It may not happen overnight, but there are answers to your difficulty, and I'm sure you'll find them.

I'm a 56-year-old grandmother of one 17-month-old girl. I stayed home until grade school with two sons - both born the year I was 20. They were not planned to be less than 11 months apart, but it worked so well in later years for them and the family that it was certainly worth the early challenges.

You need to speak to someone about this now - you may have post-pardum depression. Don't give up - seek help.

You are probably just burned out. Can you get the kids in a Mother's Day Out thing, or trade sitting with a friend?
I am in the same situation, a 2YO and a 4YO, SAHM by choice but it has been a hard transistion for me - especially since initially that was not my plan and DH works long hours like yours does. When I feel the need to get away, I try to go out of town (without kids or DH) for a weekend 2-3 times a year. But I have my parents to help out when I do this, so that makes huge difference in my ability to get away.

The key is to take some breaks away from the kids, be it MDO/weekend trips/whatever, and use that time for some "ME" time - not to do errands that are easier to do when the kids are not in tow. I find bubble baths at night on occasion also help. The downtime makes a huge difference for me.

There has been a lot of great advice given. You do need to see your dr and also get some time with friends once a week. I was also thinking about some other things. Sorry if I ramble but here goes... Not sure why you are always angry with your husband. Maybe because he gets to work and doesn't have to stay at home all day. I think it might be a good idea to talk with him about his work hours because it doesn't sound like he needs to work those long hours. Him being away from the house all day does not help your situation. When does he get time to interact with your kids? It would seem like that they would be in bed during the hours that he is home. Not only is it a good idea for him to be a dad (when they're awake and sometimes while you get "out"), but also good for the children and you. You need a break. Being a stay at home mom is the HARDEST job on the planet. I am not trying to sound harsh, but he is sounding a little selfish. OR he may not really know how your are feeling physically or emotionally. You probably should get your marriage on the right track. Schedule a date night even if it is at home. You both need to nurture your marriage first. This will ultimately affect how you are as parents. You need to feel appreciated. You also need some rest. Unfortunately, guys don't automatically see this. They can leave things "undone" and not worry about it. Women are always "on." We constantly wonder how we are going to finish things and what else has to be done. You haven't been married long and the majority of the time has been with children. I am not criticizing. It is just that you have had a LOT happen in a short amount of time. It is not easy to handle.

I agree with a lot of the other posts about finding a good church. If you are already in one, check out the resources available. And, definitely go and visit your dr before your May visit.

don't worry you are not alone. I went throught the exact same thing. I was to the point that I was showering every 2 days just becuase I couldn't get motivated to do anything. I was not wanting to go anywhere or do anything and everyone was getting on my nerves. I finally went to my doctor adn he put me on Lexapro. It took 2 weeks to get into my system but once it did I was a completely different person. My daughter was about 1.5 adn this saved my life. we are all much happier now. DO NOT BE ASHAMED ADN THINK YOU ARE A BAD MOM AND WIFE IF YOU NEED A LITTLE EXTRA HELP. You have had a major life change with new kids and becomeing a SAHM. I just became a SAHM about 6 months ago. I was a Engineering Technician for the semiconductor industry. I really miss using my brain and having adult conversations everyday!!! Good luck.. If you need anything or just want to talk email me at ____@____.com.......S.

I think it would be a huge help if your husband was able to be at home in the evenings (perhaps by 5:30 or 6:00) to share in taking care of the kids. Both of your children are very young and thus require a lot of constant focus. It doesn't sound like you are getting the break you need from being the sole caretaker. I'm a stay at home mom too and I find that when I don't get a sufficient break, I start to become unmotivated and generally tired. In fact, because my husband travels so much during the week, he watches our daughter on the weekends for me for about 4-5 hours so I can get out of the house. I have found that I feel so much better now than before we made this arrangement. I hope it works out for you!

Get help immediately before we see your name splashed all over the headlines as having killed your children!!!!! I cannot emphasize this strongly enough. You are suffereing from depression due to the long, long hours your husband is away from home leaving you with two children under three years of age! You need more adult time. Is it possible to arrange a couple days or afternoons away from the children? And why is your husband staying at work four hours longer than he has too? Your work as a bartender had you in a lot of contact with all kinds of adults and now you have practically no contact with adults. Get help fast!!! Good luck!!!

Does not sound as if anything is wrong with you. Perhaps you just do find staying at home as CEO of your home fulfilling. Many women do not. Perhaps you can return to the work force? WIth a dual income many husbands do not
feel pressured to work the extra hours. Just a thought.

When you were a bartender/waitress, were you in a Bar or a restraunt? If it was a Bar maybe you are just missing the Bar life. Or maybe you are just a people person and think you are missing out on things ,staying home with the kids. It may also be that because your husband works alot, you are a little jealous of that,and would like him to be home more to help you with the kids & have more time for the two of you.

You should try yoga &/or meditation. Happiness comes from within, so if you're looking outside of yourself for happiness, you'll never find. You might think you've found it and are happy temporarily, but soon that happiness is gone. Yoga and meditation help you go inside yourself and clears out all the "stuff", so your happiness is revealed. You can find what your passionate about this way. I know it's probably hard to get to a yoga class with 2 kids and a husband that works alot, but you could buy a dvd &/or meditate while the kids are napping. It takes some work, but it'll be well worth it. Here are a few book recommendations as well..."It's all in your head, thinking your way to happiness" by Stephen Pollan & Mark Levine, and "Happy Yoga", but Steve Ross. I'm sure you could do some research on it online too.

To start, just think of how great it is and fortunate you are to be able to stay at home with your kids and to be able to do those activities with them. Doing a graditude journal is another thing you can do...everyday, write down 5 things that you're grateful for. They can be simple small things or big things.

Hope this helps! Good luck~

no i don't think there is anything wrong with you. having too much time on your hands could make you feel depessed. maybe go back to work part time will make you feel better ab out yourself. i have two kids as well they are 10 and 11. i no longer work as a bartender i work at a sit down job and i can't stand just sitting here. i would much rather move around and do busy work.

No
This the time you and your husband get a sitter and go to a movie or go out to eat make it a ritual for a once a month or once a week whatever.
Get into Sunday School class and start/suggest a progressive meal there and develop it into rotation of homes for once a month and offer your home too....
Have a Bunko night once a month..get l2 ladies to host one each month. Send post card invitations to your address list. Don't be afraid if one or two can't show up..you can still play with ghosts. They can choose themes for the month for the snacks/meal start it at 7;00 pm and set the 9 pm as the close off. Tell them on the invitation not to forget their 5.00 (that is what you pay back yourself for (if you provide the prizes) (make it 6.00 if you can use some of it to pay your sitter) Pay a sitter it will be worth it for the fun. Prizes of cash cards or prebought gifts to hand out for the most bunkos or the most wins or the the most losses at the end of the game and have a traveling bunko sack of unknown going around each time someone hits a bunko they pass it to the other throughout the game. I find these ladies are a great support system! When I hosted mine I used dog theme and I got paper tablecloths and dog bowls for the candy from the dollar store on each table and gave out Pet Smart 5.00 gift cards and my traveling bunko I lucked into finding some printed water glasses that had facials of decks of cards My daughter suggested making the chex cereal mix and serve it as puppy chow. My sense of talk was support your local animal shelters that has needs as our town was lacking but building a new facility in plan.
Hope this brings you a good process in thinking!

There is nothing wrong with you. You are just feeling overwhelmed with life right now. It happens to lots of women. We work hard to please the husband, take care of the kids, have the perfect house, etc. and sometimes along the way we lose ourselves. When I was a young mother, I felt exactly like you do. You need to focus on "YOU". If you want to be the best for everyone, the first person you must focus on is you my dear. Try something new that interests you and maybe writing your thoughts down in a journal can help you understand your feelings and thoughts. This also helps for self reflection. You are blessed to have a husband who cares for you and your children and they are blessed to have you - a loving mom. I sincerely wish you the best. There is so much in life to be happy about and it all starts with you.
Take care!
S.

I would definitely see your GP soon. Sounds like basic depression, and meds/counseling can help. Call today and make an appt. God bless!

You have already taken the biggest, most difficult and most important step and that is realizing that something just isn't right, and seeking help! Way to go! "Depression" shows itself in many different ways and at different levels. Talk to your dr. a.s.a.p. and tell him/her everything you have said here. There are many meds. available and there will be one that is right for you. It doesn't mean you're crazy or anything else like that. It is perfectly normal to be in need of some outside assistance, especially when you are the primary caregiver all day without help, and sounds like your husband is probably exhausted when he finally gets home so that isn't giving you much of a break either. Help yourself by talking to your dr. about the right med. for you and then you will be much more available and helpful to all those around you. When you have things worked out with the right med., then proceed to find a little time to call your own, whether it's a mother's day out program at your church, or swapping out a few hours a week w/ another stay at home mom so that you each have an afternoon to yourself, etc. If you don't know God, it's time to - He can help you in ways you never even thought possible! But talk to your dr. and help yourself first, then everything else will fall into place and you will feel much more in control! Even with God in your life, it's still okay to "need" medical assistance - none of us are perfect! Good luck to you.

E.,

Your feelings and emotions are SO normal. I can't tell you how many times I have struggled with the same issues. You have the "luxury" to stay home and raise your kids, but at what cost to you? You end up resenting something that you should be thankful for. I really do know where you are coming from! I could go on and on, so I'll just make a few points... First, if you are able financially to stay home with your children when they are young, I really do think it is the best possible scenario for them. You do have to sacrifice some things for yourself, but ultimately, you'll be glad you did. With that being said, you HAVE to have an outlet! Go back to work a few nights a week - you won't believe how much you actually enjoyed "working" in the first place! And, with that extra income, maybe your husband can stop working so much overtime and help more with the kids. He really needs to make an honest effort to be home by dinner atleast more often than not. It's important for all of you - himself included. He is going to get burned out working that much out of the home and you already are burned out working that much IN the home! Give yourself a break - you are raising two small children and it is NOT easy. In the meantime, talk to your OB/GYN. He/she will probably want to treat you for slight depression (but please remember, that doesn't mean you are crazy), and it might help with your outlook in general. It has helped me see things more clearly, and it can help you get through these more difficult years. Good luck! You sound like you have a great head on your shoulders, so you will figure it out!

I haven't read any of the other responses yet, but I bet many will say the same thing I do: you're depressed. You won't "get over it" just by knowing that you "should" be happy.

It may just be a little bit of a funk trying to adjust to life without another place to be each day, but I'm guessing this is a true depression with an EXTERNAL source. Meaning, you are not just being ungrateful and you cannot just snap out of it by wishing it so.

Go get some help - I think that talking it over with your GP is a great place to start. Make sure that he or she understands that you logically understand all that you have to be grateful for, but that your emotions are not following suit.

Good luck! Sounds like you're doing a great job... hang in there. I promise it will get better!

You might want to make sure you get your thyroid checked at your OB appt or go to your GP before then for that. Childbirth can trigger autoimmune thyroid disease and the lack of drive and interest in daily activities is a key symptom. Also, you have to realize you're doing the hardest job in the world and it doesn't sound like you get ANY breaks with the hours your husband works. Can he not come home early one nite a week and give you a chance to have some time for yourself? My husband had a tendency to want to work those long hours in the early years and you really have to ask whether that's necessary. We moms that work outside the home certainly don't have the luxury of putting in those extra hours like that, yet we're successful in our careers. Also, you don't mention church or whether you get out for any play groups. You just went from a job with high social interaction to a job with none - I think that's your biggest issue and you need to work to get some social interaction for YOU into your life. If you're not happy, overtime it will impact your children (believe me - I grew up with a mother that was not happy and we kids paid a price for that).

Hi, E..

I think what you're feeling is very common among stay-at-home moms, especially when we previously worked outside the home. I used to teach but gave that up to stay home with my daughter and, although I did it willingly, it is a struggle sometimes to feel like my life is going anywhere. When I was working, I could see my students' progress and know I was making a difference. Parents and other teachers used to tell me I was doing a good job. Yearly evaluations documented all my hard work. But here at home ... I do the same stuff day after day (laundry, cooking, dishes, groceries, etc.) and no one ever even notices. I know in my heart I belong here with my daughter and I know she is learning and doing well in my care. But, because we're together every day, it's hard to see the progress we're making. It gets really easy to feel as if I'm going through the motions and making no difference at all. I've become "just a wife" and "just a mom."

What helps me is getting involved with things outside of the house. This semester, I'm taking a class to keep my teaching certificate current. In the past, I've taken scrapbooking classes, tutored a few kids, joined a Bunco league and started a Moms' Night Out program (not all at the same time!). Each time I got involved in something new, I thought "Oh, I don't want to commit to that. I'm already so busy." Which was sort of true because you know our work at home never, ever ends. But we just were not made to work all the time, or stay home all the time, or be mommies all the time. We need some balance in our lives, and we NEED time with ourselves and our friends. I really believe that. So I forced myself to take those first steps and every single time, I've been so much happier.

I know there's this myth out there that being a stay-at-home mom is the perfect life, and we should be perfectly happy if we're able to stay at home. While I do believe staying at home has a lot of perks, for us and for our kids, I don't believe it's perfect. Just as with every other situation in life, there are pros and there are cons, and it's up to each of us to find the right balance in our lives. You said "I know I should be happy," but "should" is a terrible word. The truth is, you're not happy with your life as it is right now. But the key is not in changing you. The key is in changing your life so that you attain a balance between meeting your family's needs and meeting your own needs.

That was very long, and I apologize for taking up so much of your time!! But I know the awful place you're in and I just want you to know you're not the only one who's ever felt the way you feel. If getting involved in something you love doesn't help within a few weeks, maybe a visit to the doctor is in order.

Best of luck!
Geri

Hi E.,
I would definately call my GP and talk to him/her about depression. If it is that, there are some wonderful medications that may help. You don't have to suffer. I would also look at a mothers-day-out a few times a week and on those days do something to take care of yourself. Also, try to get some exercise, studies have found that exercise is just as effective as anti-depressents for mild depression. Your local YMCA may have childcare so you can exercise, they can play and you can have a little self time.
Good luck, A.

There is nothing 'wrong' with you. I'm sensing that you may just have lost focus on what is directly in front of you. When you worked as a bartender, you were in a different mindset. Take some time to look at what you have around you on a daily basis and determine what it is that is important to YOU. Not what is important to your kids and your husband, focus on YOU. Once you determine what it is that is important, focus on the positive aspects of those things. Yes, there may be some negatives in there as well, but try your best to let those things go and only focus on the positive. Then on a daily basis, when things seem to get you down, look at the positive of everything around you and that will help you regain focus on what is important in your life, and when you do so, you will find true happiness and look forward to what each new day brings.

Hope this helps! :)

I had similar feelings when I first stayed home with our kids. At the time they were 6 months and 3 1/2 years and I was 28. I did not feel like I was contributing to our family income. I thought I was a strong person, but at the time I was feeling very insecure. I really did not want to even leave the house or spend time with family or friends.

I went back to work for 3 years when our kids were 2 and 5 and hated every minute of it for the first 6 months. It was again a very hard transition for myself and our kids. I think change is always difficult, but when you have our hormones that we cannot control in the mix it just makes things worse.

The second time I began staying at home with our kids they were 5 and 8. At that time my husband was working similar hours to your husband. It makes you feel like you are raising your kids alone. I had a great support system the second time I began staying at home, a friend would remind me (and my husband) quite often that even though I did not actively work outside of the home, I did make a huge contribution. For example my family never had to worry if they had clean clothes, food in the pantry or who would take care of getting the kids to where they needed to be.

I would recommend talking to your GP if you feel you need some immediate help and then discussing it again with your OB when you go in May. You need to talk to someone that will truly listen to you. If you can, talk to your husband and tell him how you are feeling. He might be able to help or at least be there for moral support. My husband is a very rational thinker, so I am fortunate for that, but he is not always an emotional thinker which I think we sometimes need.

Good luck and remember that you are NOT alone!

E.,

Could this be some postpartum depression? It sounds like it could be, but I'm no doctor. I would talk to your OB or GP about it ASAP! You might also try to exercise which produces endorphins that make you feel mentally better too.

M.

I hope this helps. Your life has completely been changed since you started staying home. I work full time M-F, and my husband has to work every other saturday until noon-1 ish. And those days I am ready to rip my hair out. I think you should try a mommys day out, or try to get someone to watch the kids for a day and have a relaxing spa day. Try to remember who you were before the kids. I found that when I had my first child, I became mommy and not K.. I had to have a day away from him to be me and do what I like to do. He wwent to grandmas for the weekend and I was able to sit and read. This helped recharge me, and I was ready to become mommy again. And when I start to feel tired and ready to scream, I have daddy watch them and I spend time with myself.

You might have a slow thyroid or your hormones could be messed up from the babies. I would see if you could get in sooner to get your blood checked. It sounds like some type of post partum. Don't be so down on yourself and check with your doctor.

So with your husband's schedule, basically you get no time to yourself? You need some you time! And please, please remember that just because you stay home does not mean you work less hard than working moms and dads!

And who says you "should" be happy being a sahm? Even if you really wanted to be a sahm, it doesn't mean that you have to like it now that you're in it. Don't focus on what you "should" feel or do--find out what what works for you and your family. Really think about how you can structure your family schedule so that you can give your children and husband AND YOURSELF the most positive experiences. And if that means being a sahm, great. If that means working pt, great. If that means working ft, great.

Also, find someone to talk to--a counselor, pastor, good friend--and talk regularly about what you're going through. In addition to getting to your GP or OBGYN.

Good luck--you can make it through this!

I think you should go talk to your dr. before you go to your ob. It sounds like you might have some depression maybe you need to have someone to talk to or have some meds and they both can really help. I do think every stay at home mom goes through this it is a big change to always be a SAHM.. Best of luck..

There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. All of us stay- at-home moms getting to feeling down sometimes. You need to focus on others. How do I make my husband feel? does he want to be around me? All men want is a little respect, and to feel like they are important to their woman. You are also at a really demanding age (with your kids). Always remember that it goes fast! People used to tell me that, and I would think "ok- not fast enough" because it is hard - but you will wake up tomorrow and your kids will be teenagers, and they will have their own thing going - and you will barely fit into their lives. That is where I am now. I want my sweet babies back! Also, spiritually - you need to be fed. If you don't have God in your life, you will never have peace. The most important thing!

E.-

Check your diet and have your GP or OB check your hormones. Insist on it before you go on antidepressants. If you can get them to, a saliva test is the BEST for monitoring your hormone levels - FAR more accurate than blood tests. By all means, get antidepressants if you need them, but I would certainly try other alternatives first (my personal experience with them wasn't good). Get involved in a mom's group of your choice - or several! Remember, what you are doing is far harder than the job you had BC! Give yourself a break. It's a hard adjustment to make. Good Luck!

1.Praying and meditation could help you. The Bible says, Cast all your troubles to God and he is able to sustend you and give you peace.

2.You will also talk to your husband to see if there is a way he could come home eariler some days so you could spend some quality time with him.

3. In addition to staying at home, we may want to develop some hobbies like exercising at home or even doing a home business.
4. I pray that the joy of the Lord which surpasses all understanding will come to you.

I went thru the same thing. PLEASE go see your GP NOW. DO NOT WAIT! I did not tell anyone what I was going thru. Things got bad and I left my husband. We have been divorced for 12 years and it was the worst mistake of my whole life. If I could have talked to someone maybe I would not have done the things I did. I could not be happy and thought it was his fault. It was not. Happiness comes from within! I'm happy now but also know that this was a terrible mistake in my life. I will always love that man.

Thanks!

Hi E., I'm sorry to hear what your going through but it sounds like something I still go through. I have four kids 13, 10, and twins 3 1/2. I have lived hear for two years and I have nobody near. I strongly believe moms need time for themselves. I have joined a bunco group in my neiborhood and look forward to it, some moms and I have met and we try to go to dinner and a movie once and a while and that is nice as well. Do you have any friends to do things with.I know having some support is nice. I'm always looking for friends to meet so if you need one I'm here really I don't believe medication is the answer to everything I think you need a good friend. I live in plano so why don't you email ____@____.com

No,dear one, there isn't anything wrong with you that isn't totally normal during these life transitions. Being a stay at home mom can be REALLY tough especially in the first couple years and also with kids under 5 (high need/ low gratitude....I don't mean that to sound unkind to babies but let's face it they are selfish, much like we can be :) ) I think making an appointment with your doctor is a great place to start. Antidressants are very helpful when we are having trouble get our seritonin up through natural means. Also, are you spending time with other adults? ...other moms, other family members, support type groups like MOPS (mothers of preschoolers), etc. Yes, yes, I know there is laundry and poop pants but believe me they will ALWAYS be there...they can wait. :) If you were recently a bartender/ waitress you were constantly around other adults, and lots of them!!! My best encouragement to you would be NOT to give up on being home with your babis. In my opinion and experience it is the BEST place to be...but it is tough and you must apply your determination and motivation to finding the happiness there. As those kiddos get older it will get easier.
I am hesitant to mention this, I in no way want to disrespect your husband but with my hubby and me, when he works long hours it makes things so much more difficult for me and for our marriage. Also, when I am angry with him he tends to find more reasons to be at work longer. If you can challenge yourself to apply that anger to blessing him (speaking his love language....fav. food, physical touch, encouragement, quality time or a chore that is important to him to have done....hope you know my meaning) at the same time that you communicate to him how much you NEED him at home he may be more able to see your need and more likely to meet it. Get out at night by yourself occasionally and watch a movie, drink coffee/read....whatever you enjoy and see if when you get home you aren't refreshed...it works for me. Hang in there sister...you have what it takes to do this job!!! This is a short season. Sweet and precious and TOUGH TOUGH TOUGH!!!
S.

Take it from a long time SAHM of 2 almost grown sons, you need to have not just a online support group (...as wonderful as that is), but a real in the flesh support group as well. Join one of the local MOMS groups or ask a friend about the local Mothers Day Out Programs available. Just like a great marriage needs regular "dates" to keep it healthy, a Great Mom needs to a little time with other Great Moms to give her an "ear" for both the difficult moments and the joys of her job. Maybe you can accomplish this by hiring a sitter once a week, so you and a friend can have lunch. Either way every Mom needs a regular break and a friendly ear to keep the sunny disposition necessary to weather the ups and downs of childhood. Hope this suggestion helps.
Momma Margo

Gosh, there is so much I can say. I will try to be brief but you may just have to bear with me.

First off; there have been a ton of responses littered with judgement and criticism. This is so frustrating to me. PLEASE try to ignore that stuff and don't get discouraged. I recently opened up to the women here needing some advice and I was AMAZED at how some of the women felt the need to judge me after reading such a short snippet of my life.

Anyway, I just felt led to respond to you because I am in the midst of this very same thing myself. I will try to explain my situation more in depth to see if you are dealing with some of the same things. It may be that your situation is not as severe as mine and thus will not need the medical attention that mine has.

I am also fairly new at this SAHM stuff. I have an 18 month old and am 23 weeks prego. I came from a succesful job where I enjoyed the recognition for my good work (which stopped when I started my new SAH job). My husband just started a new position in sales and is out of town 3 nights a week. I AM involved in a Mom's group, have regular outings with other Mom's and go to church each weekend and have even more social interaction.

Two nights ago as I was feeding my DD chips and bean dip for dinner(which is also what I was eating), when I realized that things were not right. I got to thinking about other things in my life and I became SOOO aware that I basically didn't care about anything anymore. I didn't care what I fed my growing child, I didn't care what I ate myself(for the baby inside me), I didn't care if my house was clean, I didn't care if I was mean to my husband, I didn't care if my toddler watched t.v. all day, I didn't care about fixing dinner for my husband, etc. The list could go on. It wasn't that I didn't want to care, I just didn't and I couldn't seem to make myself care...until afterward and the guilt would set in. For some; these things might not seem so strange but for me this was extremely out of character. These were things that were very important to me just a month ago. In addition to this attitude of carelessness, most days I awoke wishing that the day was already over. I just wanted to lay around all day. Also, like you, I was ALWAYS being mean to my husband. It was very difficult to get anything done, whether it was because of a lack of energy or a lack of focus.

All of these are classic signs of depression. If any of this sounds like you, you should really get to your doc ASAP. He/she will very likely prescribe some type of medication. They are very effective and will help you immensely. Don't be embarrassed or ashamed to talk to your doc about this....they see it ALL the time. This is not the end-all answer though. You should, as others mentioned, get involved with other Mom's and find some type of social interaction. Also, if you enjoy reading, I am going through a book right now called, "What Every Mom Needs" by Elisa Morgan & Carol Kuykendall. It has been awesome. As others have mentioned, getting involved in a church home is very likely the easiest and most natural way to create friendships with other Mom's.

I hope that I could give you some insight, but if not, at least some type of encouragement that you are not alone. Please e-mail me if you have any questions.
____@____.com

No, you are just greiving the old life you left behind. Don't try and force yourself to be happy. You have to work through the changes in your life and the emotions that come along with that.

No there isn't anything wrong w/ you just a lot of new life changes in a short period of time and you need to get adjusted to them. If you feel like it is from being off work, try doing somesort of small online class to help the time pass by. But also you to set some time aside for a date night w/ you husband, cause it doesn't sound like he has alot of time w/ you. And also he should stay w/ the kids and spend time w/ them and give you a break so that way can breath a little. all these things are important, or else it will just get worse if you don't try to fix them.

Wow, a lot of great advice.

I can personally tell you I felt much unfulfilled until I dedicated myself to sever the Lord God. I know, your saying, 'oh no, not another Bible thumper', I used to feel that way too!

I used to pull up behind cars with Jesus stickers on them, and get mad, just because I felt they were trying to push the faith on others.

I still feel challenged be my kids. I am a full time single parent of three, girl 6, boys 8, and 10. I am my happiest when serving.

Find a Bible based Church, and ask to serve.

If you are already going to a church, go to you pastor, tell him how you feel. Ask him to put you on the prayer list, for unspecified needs. No one needs to know your business. The power of pray is awesome, and life changing!

Tell him you want to find a place to serve, the Lord.

I will pray for your guidance from the Lord also.

Your servant,

P.

Staying at home with kids is a BIG adjustment. Not always a smooth and easy one, especially when you are all alone with kids from sun up to sun down. You should definitely talk to your GP soon about how you are feeling. And probably try to join a Mom's Club or group so you can realize that A LOT of women go through this. It's nice to have the support and someone to complain to now and then. :-)

I just read an article about gratitude. It said something like think of how you feel on a scale from 1-10. Then think of something that you are grateful for. Then see if your number has moved up. Usually making a concious effort to be grateful for what we have in our lives makes up feel uplifted and better about things. That's what I do now when my son wakes me at the crack of dawn and all I want to do is burrow under the covers for a few more hours.

Good luck...keep me posted! It took me a long time to adjust to staying at home and it's something that I thought I always wanted. I was surprised when I wasn't as happy as I thought I would be.

Hi, no there is nothing wrong with you. You might be experiencing some depression, have you talked to your doctor? Another thing is being a stay at home mom is very hard, we give ourselves to our family and very often our own needs are overlooked. If this happens alot, over time we can get depressed, unmoviated, angry and many other feelings. Even though we are the "mommy" we still need to make some time for ourselves. Do something that only you enjoy, spend time on yourself. You can't give when you are empty inside. I usually start by spending time with God. I find a quiet time and read Psalms or Proverbs, I write and pray. Then I make sure to have time for meself to eat healthy, plan healthy meals for my family and take care of myself. I know this may sound selfish, like I'm saying me,me, me. But the fact is, you have to be right in your own skin and mind before you can give all of yourself to your family. Try finding something you enjoy and doing that.....

Hope this helps

Be sure to discuss your feelings with the OBGYN. Also take a long hard look at the amount of time you have two toddlers in activities outside of just playtime at home. Don't try to be supper MOM and keeping up the the generation idea that you have to have your children in 20 activities everyday. Simple play time, reading books, making cookies, taking naps together can be far more productive that running around town. It is exhausting for the children and for you. Relax, think about the time when you were a child and the things you did. Unless you have a swimming pool, I have found that children younger than 4 or 5 don't really "need" swim lessons. If you have a church that has "mommie" days and "kids" days check in to that for the interactions of adults and children.

Just Grandma T

I went through similar emotions when I quit work to stay home with our baby. I think most of it (for me) was disappointment. I was exactly where I wanted all my life to be, but it wasn't like I imagined. Instead I was tired and lonely for adult conversation all the time. I tried antidepressants for 6 months, and they helped, but to be honest I think a few sessions of therapy would have worked just as well. I just needed someone to hear me out and pay a little attention to ME.

To answer your question: no, there is not anything wrong with you. I think you are just going through the adjustments that come from working and being around adults all day to being home with only little ones for company. It doesn't help that your husband is away at work for so long each day. It cuts the adult interaction down even more and puts all the child care on you. Having worked in IT myself for a lot of years, I understand the pressures and work load that can cause you to put in more hours than the normal 8 to 5. But, is there some way he can cut back and come home a little sooner? If not, try some 'me' time activites. Maybe a 'Mom's day out' program where the kids stay somewhere one or two days a week while you do something like having lunch with an old friend. Or, maybe you can email with friends while the kids are taking a nap. Is there someone who can watch the kids while you and hubby go out for dinner one night? It's great that you have time to do a lot of things for/with the kids. Just don't forget to make a little time for yourself.

Having two small children is so difficult. Even having just one and being a stay at home mom is hard, too! I go absolutely crazy if I have to be home with my kids as much as you are. I found working two days a week at my church's preschool helps me tremendously. I get to talk to big people and although I'm with a dozen two year olds, it's a break from the routine of being home all day. Most church based schools let you bring your children tuition free or at a big discount and the big bonus? You get to make a little spending cash for yourself.
Another suggestion is just finding a church home. Having extended church family is a wonderful gift. As we all know, it takes a village to raise a child.