Is the School Wrong Here?

Eh... I don't think I could get really worked up over this one incident to the point of calling it "unjust." The girl's past history is a moot point, first of all. Secondly it sounds like the school's dress code is subjective, as is parental opinion. In the end, is sending the girl home to change really going to be something that's worth getting enraged over?

Your friend should probably calm herself down, especially in front of her daughter. When she's calm and can stay calm she needs to have a conversation with the principal as to what exactly happened and why her daughter's outfit was inappropriate when she's worn the same outfit/nearly the same outfit before without any problems. She should ask why the dress code isn't being applied evenly, and let the principal know that she's disappointed in what happened and how it was handled and that her daughter is very upset.

Flying off the handle won't help anyone, especially since I haven't really seen anything but righteous indignation so far without a lot to back it up. Although I would be very bothered that none of the other steps of discipline were followed before going through with immediately sending the girl home. That should also be brought up in a face to face meeting with the principal.

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My gut instinct tells me that the mother is leaving something out of the story BUT...if this was her outfit then it sounds like an okay outfit to me.

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I'm a teacher, and we are taught to look closely for dress code violations. What is the violation here? I read your post twice, and I can't figure out what it was she was accused of wearing that was objectionable. As a parent, I would be in the school office questioning a couple of things. What was wrong with her attire, and if something was wrong, why wasn't the discipline plan followed? It doesn't matter how late in the year it is, they still have to follow the plan they have in writing. I would be livid if I was her mother.

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The school is totally wrong here and changing the consequence because it is the end of the year is ridiculous. I would be in the principals office and I would tell them that I expect the punishment to follow the code of conduct. I would be very upset!!! Especially considering she is a great student and never gets in trouble.

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I would side with your friend. The school is wrong The entire point of WRITTEN policy that parents must sign showing they acknowledge it (we have to do the same) is to make sure everyone is aware. Changing rules in the middle is the game is just wrong. They would not be able to get away with it at work, should not be at school either. I would raise it at the school to the principal and if no help there, go to the board. If she cannot get help at the school, then she should write a letter to the board and send a copy to the school--with copies of the pages of the pamphlet showing what the rules are. Even if the girl was never told before, maybe someone let it slide, the rules are clear and it sounds like the girl was dressed fine.

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It's possible that she's been warned before and mom doesn't know about it.. It's probable that you dont know the whole story. When something like this comes up, there's usually more to it.

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I also am wondering which did they say was the violation? We have a new dress code this year at school and were just given notes about what items they had that violated the dress code. But by the end of the school year they Know what they are allowed to wear.
They have to enforce the rules no matter if the student is straight A or not. that has nothing to do with dress code violation, should a C & D student get punished more severly?

I am Very curious though what item caused the violation?

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Your friend needs to schedule an appointment with the principal and (in writing) express the fact that the school has an established dress code and code of conduct which was not followed. Have her request a copy of her child's disciplinary record (in which there should be nothing) as well as a copy of the "ammended" disciplinary procedure where it is clear "at this point in the year..." . The letter should also include the date and with whom she spoke.

Submit the "FOIL" letter (Freedom of Information Law) to both the building principal and to the Superintendent.

Don't debate what she wore- it's too subjective. The dress code and code of conduct, however, are Board of Education Policy (law) and the principal can't change it just because she's having a bad day.

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Why does it feel like there is a whole mess of missing info and a whole lot of unneeded info in this question? Her GPA, school record have no bearing if she really did break the rules.

Did she take the shorts off and not tell mom cause it was hot? Was the shirt the offending item?

Schools do some crazy things but they usually don't go after the good kids without good cause.

Okay looking at your what happened, there have probably been other kids pushing the issue. Unfortunately they cannot punish one or two without punishing them all. Like mom #1's kid had the stretch pants on with daisy dukes so she got in trouble. Now mom #1 sees your daughter and screams she is wearing the same thing and not getting in trouble. Yeah, it is not the same thing but to mom #1 it is. So the school has to act to keep from being on the nightly news for punishing her little angel.

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If this was me, at the time I picked up my daughter I would have demanded to know what was wrong with the clothing. Because regardless of how punishement changed, it doesn't sound like she even broke the rule.

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There must be more to this story. If I was the mom I would want to know exactly what was wrong with the outfit.
Maybe she took off her shorts at school and was just wearing the stretch pants and top, girls do this kind of thing ALL the time (take off some of their clothes at school.)

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OMG, I agree with you, R., the school administrators are being downright ridiculous here. Rules are rules ALL year, and they should enforce the rules as per the handbook, every day of the school year. If I was this child's parent, I would in no way allow this school to operate in a manner that did not coincide with that handbook, letter for letter, especially since they are choosing to overlook the fact that this child is a model student, and force HER to follow the handbook to a ridiculous degree. They should be held to the SAME standards.

I would absolutely march in there and raise a stink if nobody saw how inappropriate this was.

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If I were her parent I would fight that - that is ridiculous - If I had to I would go to my childs school every lunch and right after school and remove her from any detention they tried to give her - tht is ridiculous. (oops, did I already say that?)

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If she was not breaking the code, they need to fight it. From what you are saying here, the shorts were not too short based on the rules, and the stretch pants were moot because they were under the shorts. Is there a fitted t-shirt policy? if not, they do not have to accept this. You don't get penalized unless you break rules.

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the cookie monster is sexually suggestive?? WOW. Someone better call PBS and let them know.....

I would respectfully confront the school re: what SPECIFICALLY was wrong w/ the outfit and why are they not sticking to the WRITTEN contract re: dress code. GREAT teaching opportunity for the child.

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Obviously, school personnel is not following their own policy regarding first offense, second offense, etc. Mom and student should get a copy of the school handbook and meet with the Dean directly, policy in hand, if he was the one issuing the punishment and find out the whole story. Where is the verbal and written warning to be signed by parent for the first offense? One can argue it would be fair to give a warning since the dress code says no shorts and no leggings to clarify if that does also mean they are not OK in combination. I would not argue about signing that, and not having my DD wear that again, even if she'd worn it 100 times and they've decided to crack down and become super strict on enforcement at the end of the year. I'd still respect that. But 2 hours of detention? Yep, I'd be politely but firmly asking how they arrived at that decision.

One thing I have noticed is the short shorts or mini skirt and short leggings underneath CAN look a little trashy if the shorts or mini skirt is hiked up right at the butt cheeks. It just doesn't look right. NOT saying that was the look in this case. Bermuda shorts are definitely longer, unless she was rolling them up or they accidently rode up too high? Again that would a lot less likely to happen with true bermuda length shorts, but I can see this happening with other kinds of of shorts/skirts. Maybe the Dean has seen the more suggestive look and lumping everyone with shorts/leggings into one group. Still not fair, no warning, first offense.

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For her first offense, really they went over board. Regardless if it was appropriate or not, they could have simply asked the mom to bring a change of clothes for her and explained their side and left it at that. Not sure what could be done now but that isn't cool.

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Clearly something was inappropriate about her clothing. People don't randomly punish students with no reason. Did she alter her attire and her mom doesn't know about it - ie take off the bermuda shorts? Is she extremely busty and maybe the t-shirt was too tight? I just don't think school administrators would pick on a student for no reason. Maybe she has such a spectacular figure and the clothing made her look too sexy for school. This certainly isn't something to fight the school about.

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My daughter wore some shorts that technically were too short to school a couple of weeks ago. Only ONE teacher in the whole school says anything about it, but she lets other kids get away with it. I was LIVID! I had a meeting so I couldn't go straight there, but when I did, I pulled my daughter out of class and waited for the Vice Principal and Principal to meet with me. They both said her shorts were shorter than dress code, but completely appropriate. I asked then why other students in this teacher's class got away with wearing things out of dress code (flip flops, spaghetti straps, etc.) So I told the VP and P that I would be filing harassment charges on this teacher if she ever even spoke to my daughter again. Then I got the P to approve the shorts for the rest of the year, and just me being me, she is wearing them EVERY DAY until school is out, of course weather permitting. It's insane how strict they are. I do not dress my kids inappropriately AT ALL and I will not have some teacher more worried about what my daughter is wearing than keeping her safe or teaching her. (My daugher had issues with boys smacking her butt earlier in the year when she was wearing jeans and sweaters and missed a math test because of this ordeal.) School was WAY out of line and I sincerely hope your friend finds her mama bear and lets them know what's up!

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If I was the mom I would schedule a sit down with the principal and set things right. Bring in a copy of the rules and a picture of the outfit and be prepared to fight for the child.

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WOW!!! WTH? That is just rediculous!!! You should tell your friend to call the school district right now and complain! The bike short thing is something my girls do when their shorts are not finger tip length (no they do not wear Daisy Dukes) because they recently saw this look at a kids store. They have never been told that is not acceptable. Get her to file a complaint with the district right now.

Good luck!

edit: Just saw your edit - the store I was referring to was Justice for Girls. Tell them to take a look and they will see the "style".

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It sounds like, based on what you wrote, that the child followed the dress code. Legally, the school is wrong here. Also, since they enforced a punishment more severe than the consequences to which the child signed, the school is again doing something out of line. If your friend really wanted to fight it, she could. Just to add, I am a teacher, and I support the student in this situation.

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How many days of school are left? Two? Ten?

It seems the schools are a lot like many systems out there and they skew their policies to suit themselves.

If I was your friend, I would ask for a written explanation of "year end" policy for dress code violation.

AND we need to be very careful (and I know you were only making a point) but just because a kid is a Straight A student and doesn't get into trouble and excels in her extracurricular activities, he/she is not exempt from school rules!

***I think there MUST be something else going on here that maybe her mom is not aware of?***

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Well, no stretch pants are to be worn, she broke that rule ... if she wanted the added modesty then she should have worn tighter burmuda shorts or capris (below the knee) ... School dress code is VERY important to enforce. In my school if you made a violation you were sent home and could return IF your parents brought you back to school and were written up and given Saturday School (our form of detention); a full 8hr day of school. I do not think that the school should be giving her daily detention ... possibly one week, because it is true that the last few weeks of school kids push boundaries on dress code and other school rules.

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did the Cookie Monster shirt promote politics or something like that?

If the shorts were fingertip and stretch pants under those - i don't see the problem....who was offended and why?!

I would take a picture of my daughter as she right now - in those exact clothes and present to the school board as a complaint....a picture is worth a 1,000 words!!

If indeed she wore the outfit as described and didn't remove the bermuda shorts, then they are in the wrong. This is why all schools including public should have uniforms. They make these dress codes, and there is always an issue with interpretation. Stores like Kohl's and Sears sell affordable uniform pieces that would cost people no more (and maybe less in many cases) than buying regular outfits.

I don't understand why, sounds conservative to me.

Schools are more strict toward the end of the year. It is in our weekly newsletter we get on line.

My daughter does not dress like a hoochie but neither of us are the most conservative when it comes to dress. Daughter had worn a specific top, 3 finger width on the shoulder many times and a few weeks ago, she texted me to bring a jacket because some teacher said it was not code and sent her to ISS. My daughter was crushed because she too is NEVER in trouble of any kind and this bothered her greatly.

I mentioned to the staff when i went to the school that she had been wearing this top all year and no one had ever mentioned it. The asst principal said some teachers just have differing opinions... he said he did not find it out of code per his opinion.

In Middle School daughter got called out because she was wearing a mini-skirt with leggings and she was told you have to wear either/or, not together. I didn't get that either.

Don't fret, there is not much school left. A lot of teachers are already "checked out" and just looking for reasons to use authority.

Sounds like the school is WRONG, rules are rules all year long, and I'd be pressed to have them show me how any rules were violated . Punishment should also be the same all year long if a student is guilty. I 'd be pressed to press the issue ,1st at the school level and if no satisfaction , call the school board and file a complaint. If she has worn the same type of outfit before, shame on the school for not bringing to her/your attention. Stand Strong, C. S.

Man it sounds like a teacher or admin woke up on the wrong side of the bed!!! They totally are in the wrong. I would go to the district and complain if that was my daughter! That was totally unjust and unfair.

Sounds like she's controlling and in a couple of weeks won't have anyone to control anymore, so she's now looking for things. Control freak!!!

Well, I don't understand what she did wrong. She was wearing bermuda shorts over leggings, right? Where is the wrong-doing?

I'd go over to the school with her daughter, with the same outfit on, and stay there until she has satisfaction.

Making an example of stupidity is ridiculous. She's more modest with leggings on under the shorts than without them. And she's not even against the rules!!

D.

Krista has some good ideas.

Her child may face detention anyway, but she may be able to get it off the record. If this is the first violation, then THEY are in violation of their own rules for not giving her a written warning first.

Now, she may be changing clothes (many kids do this) and insisting she did not, but it still goes back to did they follow their own rules or not? And if not, why were parents not notified of the new guidelines/punishments?

Is this a school she will attend in the fall? I'd fight harder for clarification/changes if it is.

That said, it won't ruin her life. One of my SD's friends is a good kid, but because he did not report seeing another kid with a knife in school and it was found out that he knew about it, he was also punished. He is still a good kid and likely the suspension will have little bearing on his future.

It all sounds outrageous to me too - reading the actual mom's response etc. I wish I had advice but not sure I do. Perhaps a time to teach that life certainly isn't just at times... I would likely at least write a letter to the Principal and Superintendent and demand a response.

Sounds like they are getting you on semantics...if the rule says "no shorts, no leggings", then yea your daughter was breaking the rule 'technically'-but I see your point-it was the two together, thereby in my opinion cancelling out what they are pfobably trying to avoid, which is shortie shorts with bare legs and leggings that are too tight showing off what the girl had for lunch.

I think they are being absurd, but since they are coming at it with no grey area in the rules, I get it no matter how stupid.

I don't think you can play she's never been in trouble card-that part really doesn't play into it-it shouldn't for other kids sake either.

As for the Dean's approach to the other kid bothering your daughter I think that is what you have to focus on and can...THAT is special treatment in my opinion. I'd call the Superintendant about the whole thing and get the Dean called in to explain himself.

This does seem unjust! What is the school saying is wrong about her outfit?