"Is She Yours?"

Next time just reply " No, I'm hers". That will make them think how silly asking such a question is.

7 moms found this helpful

All the time. Not because my son doesn't look like me... but because in our area women in their 20's are usually the nanny... and women in their 40's and 50's are usually mom.

I had my son at 23.

MOST people out and about assumed I was the nanny. Sigh. ((Although I got a lot of great job offers from people trying to poach me)). It became problematic sometimes when people would want his "parent's" signature, etc.

Although my mum LOVED it that she was automatically considered 'mom' instead of grandmother when the 3 of us were out together. Still happens from time to time.

(Gosh. I LOVED turning 30. Just because I no longer had to sidestep the 'how old are you' question at school events, playdates, etc.)

The next series of questions directed to me (following my assertion, that yes indeed, this was my son)... was OFTEN some sort of thing indicating how hard it is to be a teen mum.

I graduated from highschool
I served in the military
THEN -after I got out- I had my son

<shrugs> Just a local thing. I know in other areas moms in their 40's are asked if they're the grandmother.

But, yep! ALL the time.

Mine!

Mine, mine, mine, mine, mine! I'll even lick him. Dibs. Mine. :D :D :D

5 moms found this helpful

My girls look nothing like me so i get that alot actually....doesn't bother because i would wonder too haha. I look young and my 15 year old looks older so at her hockey, people often thought i was the nanny lol.

5 moms found this helpful

I've been asked where she gets her blonde hair. I always say the mail man.

4 moms found this helpful

My boys are both identical to their dad. I remember a lady once said "Oh, they're so cute. They don't look at all like you!". I don't think it was meant as an insult, but it sort of sounded like one!

3 moms found this helpful

That's happened to me several times. Like you I have dark hair, brown eyes... My first son is blonde with blue eyes and light skin. So I've been asked that question many times. The funniest was when our neighbor's kid came over with their nanny for a play date and the nanny asked me if I also clean for "them"!!! She thought I was the nanny/housekeeper!! :)

3 moms found this helpful

We get asked ALL the time.

I was asked a version of that three times at a FAMILY REUNION this weekend!

Here's my reply:

"Well, you know how those orgies are. Never know whose he is - but it's ok, we're all good friends."

Swear to MP that was my reply. BTW, one of those was to my MIL - who has commented more than once how strange it is that my eldest has opposite features of Mrs and I.

3 moms found this helpful

We had our daughter in our late 30's and the ramp attendant once asked me if I needed help removing my daughter from the stroller and then said, "Oh, I didn't see Grandpa behind you".

So yes, I guess that was the same way...kind of, sort of.

3 moms found this helpful

No one has asked me that, however, people have told my huisband our son looks EXACTLY like him(son is not biologically his). Hubby is mexican, a lighter skinned one, and our son has golden hair is very tall and slender, he is darker than hubby too but they have the same exact eyes! I think that is why people ask:)

2 moms found this helpful

I get asked if I'm his babysitter, or big sister a lot. I'm a 30 year old woman!!! Perhaps, I'll like that in 10 years time.

I wonder if they think you might be a sitter or nanny? Personally, that's not a question I would ever ask. I just assume the woman is the mother.

2 moms found this helpful

I get that question sometimes. I don't think anyone means anything by it. I am Asian. My husband is white. Two of my three kids look exactly like me. The middle kid looks like Mario Lopez ;-)

The funniest question I get is when I have my caucasian nephew (blonde hair, blue eyes) with me and my three kids, and people ask if all four kids are mine :-)

2 moms found this helpful

I'm white and my mom married a black man after my father was killed. So two of my sisters are much darker than me. I grew up that way so I never make assumptions and most of the time don't even notice a difference. I think people mean well. Now my hubby and I have the same color eyes and hair so all of our kids look like us. It's actually weird for me to have 7 of us walking around looking alike after growing up in a family where none of us looked a like.

2 moms found this helpful

Both my Dh and I had blonde hair and blue eyes as babies and then eventually ended up with hazel eyes and brown hair. Our son had the same thing and we got so sick of being asked where the blonde hair/blue eyes came from that we started telling people "From the milk man!"

2 moms found this helpful

Ohhh yes, all. the. time. It drives me crazy but just laugh cause what else can you do?
Sometimes I want to just say nah I just thought he was cute so I took him, just to see the reaction.

My son looks just like his daddy, did the minute he was born to this day. But he is blonde with blue eyes too, and I am dark curly hair with green eyes. Not to mention I look younger than I am so that probably contributes to it. (even been asked where "OUR" mommy is! ) Anyways, it can get annoying but I just say yes, he's mine and continue on.

Sometimes, a lot of times, people dont think before they speak. Just keep rollin' with it, so much easier that way!

1 mom found this helpful

Yep, it's happened more than once. I'm the fair one, my kids are dark, like daddy. Doesn't bother me too much, other than the fact that I did ALL the work (pregnancy, breastfeeding and beyond) and yet they look nothing like me lol! Oh well, I'm glad they got the pretty brown skin :)

1 mom found this helpful

Where my daughter went to K was like Riley's, nannies in their 20' and moms in their 40's and 50's and I had my daughter at 23 so kids and parents and teachers always asked if I was her mom often. never bothered M.. One little girl last week asked if I was my daughter's mom and she looks J. like M..
I like dad's response. I dont think the question would ever bother M..
when she was under 2 she looked exactly like her dad and people would say wowwwwwww she must look like her dad, or is she yours (we dont look that much diferent both had dirty blonde hair, tall, my complection is whiter thats about it oh and my blue eyes are dark his are neon blue as are my daughters) it never bothered M.. i was proud of how she looked. somehow she's changed into a mini M. sice 3 though

1 mom found this helpful

I think I may be part of this group soon. I have a 6 year old with my ex-husband and she is the spitting image of me. But now I have a 9 month old who looks just like her dad, tall and lanky, sad puppy dog eyes and her ears stick out (too cute) and yeah...nothing like me lol. So I am enjoying the stories on here because I am sure I will have my own stories soon.

1 mom found this helpful

I have the opposite situation from you. My daughter is adopted, and she looks exactly like me. Strangers often comment about how much she looks like her mom. I generally just say "thank you" and let it go. However, when acquaintances or friends find out that she is adopted, there are often comments like "you'd never know that she's not yours" or "wow, she looks like she could be yours." I know they mean well, but I really dislike references that imply she's not actually my daughter. I'm not asked if she's mine, but I have been told in an offhand kind of way by various people that she's not mine.

1 mom found this helpful

I have gotten it a few times with my oldest son, who is a carbon copy of my husband (who is from Iraq).

My sister and I both look very Swedish/German. Our kids are dark, hairy, and swarthy. Her little girl has more hair on her back than I have on my head. She gets asked very often if she is the babysitter.

1 mom found this helpful

My cousin is adopted from South Korea. When people questioned my aunt and uncle, they started coming up with things like, "We went to the airport and found him in our luggage and he was so cute we kept him." (Which is funny to the family because he arrived by plane when he was 5 months old.)

I think it's weird when people assume that a child is yours that isn't, but assume that a child that is yours, isn't. My stepkids got asked all the time when they were younger if their stepparents were their parents. If you think the person is just curious, say, "She's my daughter." If you think the person is rude, ask them "Is that one yours?" and put it back on them.

My stepkids do not like people thinking that DD is their child. Now that DD can talk clearly, it's quickly obvious to people that are paying attention that SD is a relative but not her mother.

Once, someone asked SS how he got so tall when his "mom" was so short. I said, "Miracle Gro" (His mother is very tall....I am not.)

1 mom found this helpful

I have but only because I'm 44 and my youngest is 3. I have had people comment on my grandchild and I have happily corrected them and explained that she is my daughter. I don't get to upset about it most of the time. I do get a bit upset when they think my youngest daughter belongs to my oldest daughter. My oldest is 16 and is very pretty. I don't like it that they assume that my daughter has had sex outside of marriage.

1 mom found this helpful

I could have written your post. One of my 3 daughters is just as you described your daughter and I would be described like you. I get this question quite often. People assume I am the nanny . It doesn't bother me, I just laugh it off and agree with them.

1 mom found this helpful

I think you might be a bit sensitive because your daughter looks so much more like her daddy. I'm often out and about with my 5yr old niece. So when I get asked "is she yours?" I have to answer "well, actually, no." It's not always obvious that the adult with the child is the actual parent. Sometimes it is and sometimes it isn't. So people ask the question. I think it's pretty innocent and harmless.

My best friend is half Japanese. She LOOKS half Japanese. Her husband is a white guy with blue eyes. Her older daughter has dark brown hair and brown eyes and looks like a perfect cross between my friend and her husband. Her YOUNGER daughter has the whitest blond hair and the bluest eyes and looks just like her daddy. NOBODY in their right mind would look at that mother/daughter pairing and assume they were even related. Even I'VE asked her "is she really yours?!" Hahaha!

1 mom found this helpful

Both my daughters a fair skinned, blonde haired, blue eyed. The younger one is especially towheaded (super light blonde). I'm hazel eyed, olive skinned, and brown haired. I too get a lot of comments, like how strong daddies genes are or was I that blonde once? (Um....no). I don't think I've been asked if they were mine. Maybe. It would just be lumped in with all those other comments. To be taken with a grain of salt as you say. It is a weird comment, like, what are they really asking, if you are a babysitter or they are adopted? Whatever I think its harmless. Just say yes proudly :)

1 mom found this helpful

Could be they're trying to distinguish between nannies/babysitters and moms. Or maybe they're being nosy.

If you want to stop the questions, you can just reply, "Excuse me?" (They will repeat the question.) Say, "I'm sorry I don't understand your question." They'll stammer and make excuses (and not do it again), or they will walk away and assume you are dense or antisocial. Depends what you want to achieve.

A friend of mine gets it because her adopted child looks more like her than her biological child. Other friends get it because they are a same-sex couple with a daughter, and people get confused by that. I get it sometimes when people say, "Oh, funny, you don't LOOK Jewish." So I say, "I don't get it. What do Jews look like?" Or, "Jews come in all colors, shapes, sizes, etc."

It would be nice if people would say, "What a cute little girl. What's her name? How old is she?" and let the conversation evolve from there.

It reminds us all to be more careful in what we say and how we phrase things!

1 mom found this helpful

Like the blonde who, when she found out she was pregnant, asked, "ohmygosh! Is it mine?"

ha, ha

I've only ever been asked that, when I'm babysitting a little one who is only nine months older than my youngest. I could have GREAT fun with that age difference, if I were inclined to, I suppose.

Especially since I am blonde. And have found it occasionally useful over the course of my life, to be very, very blonde.

I get asked all the time. It bugs me but I just laugh when they say it because my kids are always yelling my name and if they didn't notice, its on them.

Yes, I get it sometimes, no it does not bother me- the only thing we have looks wise is the fair skin - but daddy's is lighter still. I have dark hair, green eyes and he is your typical blonde/blue. It does not bother me, but I could also lie and you would not know the difference so the question seems silly to me anyhow.

I've been asked if I dye my daughter's hair since it was so blonde and I am not. I am waiting for them to ask if my son is wearing contact lenses as his eyes are so blue. I have my answer. Nope go 'em on EBay

My husband gets asked that quite a bit. He is tall, blonde, blue eyed and fair skinned. I am Latina, dark hair, dark eyes, olive skinned. My kids are closer to my coloration and have dark hair like me (although lighter than mine). So if I'm not with him he just looks like a white guy with two Hispanic kids. It is kind of rude. Although the kids have the darker coloration, they definitely look like him. I always say that my son is the Latino version of him. My daughter is lighter than me but still darker than my husband, she is a lighter version of me.

I think it is rude to ask someone that question.

My parents were older than my friends' parents were. When people would see us all together, they'd ask, "Oh, are these your granddaughters?"

My kids all looked like my husband and me. Nobody had to wonder!

But my friend and her husband look distinctly different from each other. She is frequently asked, "Are they yours?" and she says she doesn't usually mind - that it really depends on the tone of voice and the look on the questioner's face whether she treats the question as a friendly-curiosity one or a rude one.

Another friend has several children - some by birth and some by adoption. She says, "Yes, they're all mine," without explanation.

A better comment for curious people to make might be, "Oh, what lovely children you have!" That would be true no matter what genes the children inherited. They won't satisfy their curiosity but they'll make the mama happy.

My Gawd, the rudeness of some people. I mean, what if she were adopted? She'd still be yours. What if you were a custodial stepmom? Etc.

I've never been asked outright, but people have come close. I have very thick, wildly curly dark hair and brown eyes. My son has his dad's coloring, with beautiful blue eyes. His hair his medium brown now, but when he was a toddler it was blond.

So this guy saw this little blond munchkin clinging to this dark-haired woman's legs and said, "Where was he born?"

"Here."

"HERE???"

"I mean, not right here in the vet's office, but in New Jersey."

"REALLY????"

I guess he was expecting me to say Russia or Romania or something -- some adoption-sending nation in Europe. But what can I say? Dominant genes don't always dominate.

It comes up less now since his hair is darker and his baby chubbiness has melted away, so you can see he has my facial structure.

ETA. @LoveMyBoys, I LOVE your "he was so cute, I just took him" line! And @E.S., my son was actually born in Hackettstown. Not too near where I live, but so worth the trip.

All the time. My daughters are Daddy-fair with straight hair, while I am olive-dark with curly hair and grey eyes. It stopped once they started smiling and talking like me, around age 7 or 8.

Finally, someone asked "the question?" I once had one of my coworkers joke that my son IS the "United Nations" due to a combination of my heritage and hubby's. My son is actually Eur/Asian...Hapa. I'm white and hubby's asian. Funny thing is that he is exactly half me and half hubby, which is not what I expected. I envisioned a little boy with black hair, dark brown eyes, and beautiful golden tan skin just like hubby. Nope, he has light brown eyes that sparkle amber in the sun light, dark brown hair that looks black in doors, my pale white skin, my nose, hubby's chin, my mouth, hubby's teeth, our small head, top of hubby's ears, my ear lobes, hubby's nails, my toes and hands, and my mole in the exact same location! I had waited a long time for someone to ask if he was adopted, since he really doesn't look exactly like either one of us. Nope, everyone insists he looks like me. (I have light brown hair and blue eyes.) I was only asked once if he was adpoted and that was by a little girl at the daycare center. The mom quickly told her not to say that, but I told her I have been waiting for someone to say that since I really didnt' think we look a like. I just smiled and said, "Maybe I picked up the wrong baby at the hospital when I was there, but it's too late....He's mine!" We have had our nationalities confused when we're together though.....I've had a visiting Italian priest start talking Spanish to my son, because he thought we were Hispanic. (My son told me not to get anymore perms, because I look like a blue eyed Hispanic lady.) We've had people talk to my hubby in Spanish, because they thought he was from Mexico! (Guess the dark skin might have something to do with it.) Man, we've got to learn Spanish. (lol) Funny thing is that no one, even hubby's friends think our son looks like him.

I've been asked on several occasions if one of my four kids was mine. Like you, I just roll with it.

Are you a young mother or an older mother? at the park I find that about 1/4 of the adults there are actually nannies or grandmas, not mothers. I know this seems a little shallow, but when I engage with a fellow mother about her child only to find out she is the care taker, I always feel a little let down. There is a camaraderie with talking with other mothers in the same stage of life as you. when I find out that its the nanny, I'm just not as interested in conversation. So people may just be feeling you out to see if they want to make the effort. I have a blond child and I'm dark haired. Most people ask if she takes after her father. But still, I have been asked this- i've never let it bother me.
Once I asked one of my bosses after meeting his daughter where she got her dark skin? He was Jewish, wife blond and little girl turns out was adopted with some hispanic blood. I felt stupid for commenting when he told me she was hispanic and adopted. So I don't ask because of pigmentation differences, because there are a number of scenarios and why make them have to explain it all the time!

not yet but im sure i will ..im kinda fair skinned, brown hair brown eyes, our daughter is very fair skinned blue eyes and red/blonde hair, just like my fiance and not just that she has his whole face.. shes 2 months now and everyones reaction when they see her is OMG shes all her daddy she looks nothing like you at all ... i will tell you a funny story though.. i was at my doctors office last week and i showed her pictures of the baby and she said exactly what everyone else said wow shes all daddy! and i was like yeeeahhh i know i know haha .. so she showed me pictures of her 4 kids.. now my doctor is very dark skinned, dark eyes and very dark hair and her kids are wwwhhhiiiitteeee lol and blonde hair and blue eyes like their father.. well she tells me how recently they went out for dinner and took their babysitter out to eat with them (shes a 21yr old who lives down the street from them- white, light brown hair blue eyes) .. well the waitress went up to the baby sitter and was like omg you and your husband have such beautiful children.. well my doctor laughed her butt off and was like yeahh im just the nanny, just the little brown girl at the table you know... she thought it was funny she said shes used to people thinking that they arent her kids by now.. her babysitter however was absolutley mortified!!

I've never been asked this. My kids pretty much look like they're "mine". I can honeslty say though, I wouldn't mind that question at all. Not saying you do, but soemtimes people are touchy about stuff, and if you know she has totally different coloring than you, then some people are just curious.

I would never ask the question because, well, who cares? Is she adopted? Niece? Friend's kid? Yours? Are you a nanny? I mean, I really don't care what people's relationships are when I'm out and about :)

It would be so tempting to answer with "Yes, why?" And if you did it in a super friendly tone, it would probably lead to compliments on her pretty hair etc.

My youngest daughter has a birthmark on her face. Some people ask really insensitive questions about it, but I don't mind. People are weird. What can ya do? On the other hand, lots of people legitimately ask if it's a boo boo and I say it's a birthmark with a big smile and they always seem uncomfortable or "sorry" so I steer the conversation in a way that they know nothing awkward was said. I honestly don't mind it.

I had it happen twice in the past 24 hours (and 20 times the past week on vacation)!! Last night in the Honolulu airport getting ready for the flight home and this morning when we were picking our dog up from boarding. She *is* adopted though!