Is Nursing to Sleep Really That Bad? And, Getting a Baby on a Schedule?

Brittini,
My son just turned one and I nursed him to sleep for naps, night, you name it! When he was your son's age, I tried some techniques in Baby Whisperer and also some other stuff I had read on line.
Don't sweat it, many may disagree with me. Luke goes to sleep really well on his own now. We have some nights when he cries, and some where he goes right down! My pediatrician told me eventually it will take care of itself. I made it a yr nursing and now he is on milk.

Scheduling is still pretty little at his age, he should be sleeping around every 3 hours or so for a nap and nighttime routines are good, making it the same every eveing.
Enjoy your time with him, it will be over very fast!!
In time he and you will both get on a routine. He is still pretty little!
S.

I have never read any books and I am no expert, but I'll tell you what we have done...

My daughter was the same way. Didn't even consider taking a real nap until she was over 4 months old and a schedule didn't come around till about 5 months. So you aren't alone there.

I was a feed on demand mom. She was eating nearly all the time and the only time she would sleep was after a feeding or rocking and even then she would only stay asleep in her swing. I never had any problem doing this despite others opinions. I looked at it like it is my job to comfort her and help her realize she was safe and loved. I knew she wouldn't always be so attached, so I took all of this time with her for all it was worth.

She is now going on 11 months and I had to stop breastfeeding due to becoming pregnant again. But I wanted to let you know that all on her own and over a bit of time, she learned that she didn't need us for every nap and every bed time. Sure there were some tears, but not more than a few minutes.

I was still rocking her in her room, while giving her a bottle at both of her daytime naps until 9 months or so. Now I give her a bottle (which she loves to hold) in the family room where we all are. When she is done then we take her off to naps. We usually get no arguments from her. She hears us turn on her white nose, close the shades, turn on her aquarium in her bed and we walk out the door.
At night it is nearly the same but we throw in bath time and that signals to her that bed time is near. She was NEVER a good sleeper so I am sure some moms would just say we are lucky. But I think in reality we were patient. We did this all in stages! And if one day she just needed that time again we gave it.

I don't think there is any simple solution, but I would suggest following your heart and your mommy instinct and forget the books and know it all friends. Each baby is different and there is no saying that your child will be a nightmare if you rock them to sleep. TRUST me they will not always want this and you will miss it!
Just be patient and let your baby mature on their own. Slowly transition and realize it is ok for them to take one step forward and one step back. They will be just fine. A just wait you will see a schedule develop before your eyes. Of course you do have to take the lead, but I just watched my daughter for sleepy cues and hunger and from there our day just unfolded.

Good luck and know it will get better!

Hi B.,
I agree with Shannon, Colleen & Whitney. Follow your instincts and don't believe everything you read. I did the exact same thing as you with my son (who is now 22 months old). I read all the books, worried about "indulging" him too much. And, ya know what, I finally found a book that was "in the middle" on advice. Good Night Sleep Tight by the Sleep Lady. It's perfect "middle of the road" advice. I didn't follow it exactly...but, pretty close and it worked.

I nursed my son to sleep for a year and in the middle of the night whenever he woke up. It was THE BEST thing I ever did. We did not have major fits at all...and, to this day, he doesn't pitch major fits because he is secure in his relationships with mommy & daddy.

A year is such a short time to bond...in the whole scheme of life, that is. Anyway, I admit, that around 1 year...he was having trouble staying asleep at night (up every other hour to nurse...Ugh)...so, we had to transition him to his own room and stop nursing to sleep (only nurse in the mornings). And, based on the advice from the book, my husband took over the bedtime routine and read him stories. It's been a wonderful bonding experience for dad & son. It worked like a champ and he sleeps great, for naps & nights.

Bottom Line...if it doesn't feel right...don't do it. Your baby will have plenty of time to get on a schedule and learn to fall asleep on his own. Remember he's only been breathing air for about 4 months. :) He's got a lot to learn in his first few years.

Also, I totally agree with Whitney...just when you think you've got a routine, it changes. :) That's all part of this wonderful experience of being a "mom."
Good Luck!! Trust yourself!!

As a Babywise follower 2X over (it works!), I can say that the most important thing about the schedule is the eating part. That is, let your baby eat at approximately the same time everyday, including the first feed of the morning. Yeah, you can stress about the "wake" part afterwards, but having done this already, it will eventually work itself out. Sometimes you just can't force them to be awake when you want them to! You can gradually start to work in more wake-time as he gets older, and maybe only nurse to sleep a few times during the day. My son was a preemie and he often falls asleep at the bottle and there's not much I can do to keep him awake. So I feel your pain. I do notice, however, that as he has gotten older (he is 2 mos now), he has gotten much better about the wake part. Your baby will get better about this, and at 4.5 months, can sleep 12 hours at night.

I liked the book Babywise. Didn't follow it exactly, but used its general guidelines, like looking for a pattern in your child's sleep patterns and then encouraging them so that you can have a routine, while remaining flexible. I think you do want a schedule of sorts for your own sanity and because rountines are comforting- people, especially kids- feel most comfortable when they know what to expect every day.
I always nursed my baby to sleep at night, but not before naps, so he wasn't totally dependent on it to fall asleep. I think eating just before bed time helped him sleep through the night + I just never could seem to get away from it. Put him in his crib, though- don't co-sleep! I did try to put him in his crib while he was still a little awake for naps to help him learn to fall asleep by himself. There was some crying a few times, but not too bad. I would just watch the clock and go in to comfort him every 10 minutes or so, but not pick him up because I think that would encourage him too cry again and naptime is time to sleep!
Eventually, he just didn't care about nursing anymore- didn't seem to have the patience for it- supply and demand went on a downward spiral, and so he was weened at about 9 months. The before bedtime was the last feeding to go.
Oh, and he did go through a phase of short naps too. For us, that just meant he had more naps during the day. It was three for quite a long time- late morning, early afternoon, and late afternoon. I often tried to see if I could comfort him and get him to go back asleep for a longer nap, but that usually didn't work. Eventually, his naps grew longer and he dropped them one by one. He dropped to one nap shortly after turning one.
Good luck! I've found that a lot of these things tend to work themselves out with just a little guidance and patience.

I nursed my daughter to sleep from birth until about 10-11 months old. When she was around 11 months, she stopped having to be nursed to sleep on her own. I had soooo many mothers tell me NOT to nurse to sleep, but it all worked out for us. The only time my daughter needed nursing to sleep was at night. She didn't nurse to sleep for naps. In the end, I ended up nursing until DD was 14 months old.

I agree with Patti. I got into the habit of nursing my youngest son to sleep and eventually because of convenience, he just ended up sleeping with us. We stopped co-sleeping when he was 19 months,and it was such a struggle. Have you tried nursing until he was just drowsy? That's what I did with my older son and it worked fine.

As far as weaning off nursing, are you planning on exclusively nursing? I did for the most part for all 3 of my children, and none of them ever had a problem when it was time for a sippy cup. I think as long as you nurse for nourishment exclusively, not as a comforting mechanism, weaning will be much easier. Just replace one feeding at a time with either the sippy cup or bottle.

The only routine I stick with is bedtime, meal time, and naptime. I like being able to be a little spontaneous with everything else, and I think people put too much unnecessary restrictions on their lives when they follow a rigorous schedule.

I hope you find this helpful.

Do what works for you and your son! I hate Babywise and The Baby Whisperer. I can't tell you how many clients of mine have struggled and think they're a bad mother and they have bad babies because they can't do what the books tell them! Watch him, he'll let you know what his schedule should look like, and at 4.5 months, it will change. He might have one routine for a few weeks, then change it for a few more, then change it again. That's okay! He is growing and learning, and what works for a 4 month old, won't work for a 6 month old, won't work for a 9 month old, etc. Your job is to respect what he's trying to tell you, while at the same time respecting your own limits. It can be a difficult dance, but that's part of being a new parent, learning the steps to this intricate dance. I hate to give you more books to read, but two that I think have a much better perspective on this are "Touchpoints" by Dr. Brazleton and "The Baby Book" by Dr. Sears. You can do this! Trust your gut and listen to your intuition! You can always contact me if you want to! I hope all three of you are well!

Try the No-Cry Sleep Solution. . . she has a lot of different tools for different babies (vs. a lot of books that think all babies - or moms - are the same!)

Hi B.,

I nursed my daughter until she was about 8-9 months old. Most of the time, she fell asleep while nursing and I would just put her down. Then, when we switched to the bottle, I would still rock her to sleep. When she turned 1, we went ahead and decided that she needed to go ahead and learn to fall asleep on her own so we did the cry-it-out thing. It took 3 days (but I have been told that we were lucky), but now she's a great little sleeper... I can't give you any advise other than maybe you wouldn't have to go through the 3 days if you started earlier? I have heard that you don't want to do the cry-it-out thing until at least 6 months, but maybe if you nurse him to sleep and then just wake him up a little (change diaper or something) before putting him down that would help?

Regarding the eating and sleeping schedule, this is as much for your benefit as the baby. It definitely helps. We tried to offer her the breast every 2-3 hours. If she didn't want it, then I would try again after 15-30 minutes. Then we just pushed the time as she got older and needed to eat less often... Then I always tried to nurse her at 7:30 or 8:00 and put her down for the night. I think we had

Good luck!

Hi B. - trust your gut on this one, after all, you're the mommy! Some posters really liked BabyWise - I didnt like it at all. I much preferred Baby Whisperer for the main reason that it involved respecting your child as a person and listening. When I stopped to really listen what my babies needed, they were so much happier and easily consoled. I do not recommend BabyWise at all. Go for something written by a medical professional. You might also really like the series called "Happiest Baby on the Block" There are books and DVDs - you might even try YouTube.

At 4.5 months, your baby is still pretty new. My 2nd fell asleep at the breast no matter what I did to try to keep him awake. By 6 months, he was better and more alert while nursing but still fell asleep. We have always kept to a scheduled bedtime. He is almost 3 now and has never ever ever had a problem putting himself to sleep. After our bedtime routine, we "drop and go". Much to the amazement of family and friends. I credit that with the fact that he always felt secure as an infant and never felt like the crib was an "alone" place. I believe babywise forces them into those fears and then forces them to deal with it. The Army uses that training method - I dont think it's appropriate for mothers.

ah well, that's my 2 cents!

Congratulations on your new addition! Blessings to you and your family.

EDIT: with all that said, we did keep a general schedule but we werent a slave to it. Consistency is more important than a strict schedule. Babies feel secure knowing what to expect - bedtime is especially important to have a consistent routine. If the baby gave hungry cues, I fed him. If he gave bored cues, we got out of the house. We never let him "cry it out", especially when he was as young as your's.

I bet you've gotten tons of responses. I nursed both my kids to sleep and they sleep just fine. They are 4 & 2 now. Trust your instincts; no book knows your child. If your child sleeps better doing it a certain way, do it. Do whatever it takes to help him sleep.

As far as the schedule, it is just about having naps at certain times of day. Nursing before sleep shouldn't affect that. If you mean routine, yes, a routine is generally good. My daughter's naps really improved once we started putting her to sleep in the same manner, in the same environment and at the same time every day. Make sure the room is pleasant, not too many distractions, as dark as possible. My daughter sleeps with a sound machine; I highly recommend that.

Good luck.

I nursed my daughter to sleep for close to 9 mos, then we had to break her of that habit when I went back to work... it was a very hard week. we ended up kind of doing a modified cry it out, which I don't recommend, unless you are desperate....

but at 4 mos, that is too young for CIO.... the baby whisperer is great for the "drowsy" signs to watch for... and yes a schedule is good too... while limiting and you feel like you are a bit of a slave to the nap schedule for a while, it is worth it in the long run.

and 4 mos is just perfect to start.. start slow.. run your son's feet or stroke his cheek while he's nursing to keep him awake... then put him down drowsy. teaching him to self-soothe (gently) will benefit him (and you) for years to come.

not that you don't already have too many books, but I really liked dr. weissbluth, healthy sleep habits, happy child... I still read it and refer to it frequently. it helps to look at sleep training as a constant process (we still have to tweak things and my daughter is two)... I look forward to starting earlier with my new baby.

All i can say is DON'T DO IT!
I nursed our daughter to sleep out of sheer exhaustion. I regret that decision every night.
She is 3 and a half now. We only just now got her to sleep in a separate "bed" from us a few weeks ago, it's actually a small couch that is next to our bed making an "L" shape.
She insists that I hold her hand from over the arm of the couch until she falls asleep.
We are so relieved to have our bed back we don't even mind that. It was a thing where we could only cuddle or be intimate if we had a sitter.
We tried to get her to sleep in her own bed/room for over a year.
We live in an apartment and she would throw such loud fits that we were afraid of having the cops called on us for people thinking we were abusing her!
She would fight us until we all just literally passed out at like 5 am and when I would wake up later she would be back in bed with me.
We decided if we ever have another kid, we will NEVER co-sleep, nurse to sleep, share a bed or anything, it is too much of a nightmare getting your bed back,
not to mention the lack of alone time with your spouse!
As far as weaning, I let her wean herself, she breastfed until she was 2. Towards the end it was only at night (another reason not to nurse to sleep).

Trust me, fighting with sleeping issues now and getting it taken care of now is going to be much easier and better in the long run then fighting about it for the next 3 years.

Hang in there! I have 2 (2 1/2 and 10 months). I was very scheduled with my first and she is a great sleeper. I let her cry it out to go to sleep, but never in the middle of the night and she eventually slept through at about 8 months (by 4 months, only got up once). I always gave her a bottle before going to sleep at night. I have been WAY more relaxed with my second and he also sleeps fine. I did have to let him cry it out to go to sleep and in the middle of the night. He has had problems with ear infections, now that it is resolved, we had to re-train him to sleep. Bottom line, you are the mom, trust your instinct. You will feel SO much better if you get a good night's sleep. It's really hard to let them cry, but I have found the pay off is everyone in the family is well rested and much happier. I started at 4 months with letting both of mine cry to out to go to sleep only (not middle of the night), would set the timer for 10 minutes, pat on the back, then go 15-20, and just did not pick them up, eventually they get it. It's really hard, but has paid off for our family. Also, I always made sure they had a full tummy before I let them cry it out- I think it's fine to feed before sleep, as they get older you just develop a new routine (bath, story, etc.). Hope this helps and good luck :)

Babywise has really worked for us with both girls. I have two excellent sleepers :) I do understand the temptation to nurse to sleep, I did allow myself to do that during the first 5 or 6 weeks when she was needing to feed every couple of hours. Then I started eliminating nursing to sleep during the day and then she started sleeping longer and spreading out her feedings.

Anyway, if you read Babywise, it explains that you can start at anytime. It also explains that you have to use your best judgment with everything in regards to your children. The routine is more important than the clock. Making sure your baby is getting full feedings in one sitting will help them spread out the time between feedings and ensure than baby gets enough food/nutrition. I know when to expect that she'll be hungry, tired etc.

I LOVE this system and recommend it to anyone, but especially those who feel like they never get anything done because they are always feeding and praying not to wake the baby. I can plan my day, knowing that after I feed her, I have about 2 1/2 hours before I need to feed her again.

No, nursing to sleep is not really that bad. I did it with my first...I thought I'd made a huge mistake 'til I learned how to teach him to self-soothe. I'm currently choosing to nurse my 2nd one to sleep every night and every naptime. ;)

My two are not very good sleepers at all and I know I'm going to have to sleep train my 2nd pretty soon. But I used the "Good Night, Sleep Tight" book (the Sleep Lady book) that I saw someone else mentioned. (Pantley's "No-Cry Sleep Solution" is pretty good, too.) My older son's sleep habits were a mess & I thought we'd never fix them. It took a couple of weeks and he was suddenly sleeping 11 hours straight! (Please note he was 15 months at the time, not 4.5.)

I know that the Sleep Lady book is sectioned off by developmental stages, so you'll be able to easily see what kind of training will work for your son at this age. She also suggests a typical schedule. She says most kids don't vary much from the "ideal" schedule. I have two who would happily give up the afternoon nap if they could get a good snooze in the morning, though, so there are exceptions.

Anyway, please, PLEASE don't go from nursing your son to sleep to making him cry it out. There really are other options that won't be so hard on either one of you...I really am puzzled that there are so many people out there still advocating for such an unpleasant method of sleep training. Ugh. Keep treating your baby lovingly & gently. And don't worry, you can teach him to sleep well, too. :)