23 answers

Is My Son Going to Be a Wimp Forever?

My name is S. and I have a 6 year old son Devin and he is such a sensitive boy. He gets upset REAL easy and he cries and has hissy fits and he even does it at school. Kids call him a cry baby. He is redoing kindergarten because of his behavior. Academicly he is way above average. He seems to associate better with kids either younger or older(7-10). But older kids find him annoying and he talks to much. I don't want to discourage him from talking but I try to explain to him that not everyone is able to talk to him, and he just doesn't get it. I wish my oldest son would play with him and teach him things but he is to busy doing teenage things. What should I do? Can I do anything?

1 mom found this helpful

What can I do next?

Featured Answers

Hi S., did the teacher recommend holding him back in Kindergarten? Sounds like he might be humiliated from repeating the same grade. Sometimes kids can pick on others when they find out things about them. Since he is above average in his academics, have you had him tested to see if he qualifies for the Horizons program (gifted and talented)?
Talk with the counselor. Regards, Deborah

More Answers

I love it when you find someone else going through the same thing...I don't feel so alone! I learned so much from the other responses. My son was raised by my mother and I for his first 5 years and his natural father and I just got married two years ago (he just turned 8). We are having a tough time transitioning b/c Dad is a very "macho man" and our son is, like yours, VERY sensitive. I think that is one of the major issues my husband and I fight about. He wants him to "suck it up" and is always really hard on him, which makes him cry, and I always feel the need to "rescue him" so that he can feel like it's not bad that he is a sensitive person. He cries at school when things go wrong and he's so empathetic that he gets in trouble for excessively worrying about others. I saw the post about why you would want him to change and I must say that from my perspective it's not a matter of wanting him to NOT be a sensitive person...it's a matter of teaching him how to have self control and find a balance with his emotions. I know that my son will not be the "macho man" that his dad is but his uncontrollable outbursts are affecting his schoolwork and his "credibility" with friends and teachers at school. That is what I think we are both trying to accomplish in seeking help. Just as an angry kid acts out and gets labeled...so does a whiny kid! He has to learn to manage that to a "socially acceptable" level.(I HATE that term but can't think of a better way to say it). Anyway, I'll keep checking back here for more great advice and hope you have much luck with your son. Feel free to get in touch if you just need some moral support!!

2 moms found this helpful

Some boys are more sensitive then others. Its easy to make excusses for thier behavior and assume that its weakness or wimpish behavior. BUT I believe that there is always something more to it. You should help him to gain confidence and self-control. Some sports may be able to teach these things in the average boy but not all boys enjoy sports and it might make him recent himself or you. Martial Arts classes, like Karate, help boys and girls learn self discipline, self confidence, self control and a few great DEFENSIVE moves to protect themselves in fights. I'd recommend these classes as well as some minor family counciling. Alot of people believe that talking to a counciler or a shrink is something you only do when things are really bad, but I disagree. You can get alot of pointers from a professional that will help BEFORE the problem becomes life changing. Plus if your son has serious underlying issues, medically or emotionally they might recognize it. Seek help and second opinions. Don't just allow the schools to make the choices that will effect your childs entire life either. Going to couciling may also help your older son to see the issues his brother is having and might be more inclined to help.
Communication is a must in all families. People think they are communicating when they talk to thier kids, but they sometimes fail to listen too. Learning good communication skills might be helpful. This is another good reason to visit with a family counciler.
Some important questions for your son to ask a professional:
1. Is his behavior normal?
2. Could is behavior be signs of medical or emotional problems?
3. How can we promote social enteraction that is possitive?
4. Should he have been held back for his behavior?
5. What devices can he use to learn self control? (by devices I mean methods, mental games, or um...well mantras sometimes help people too)
6. What can we do as a family to communicate better?
7. What are some activities my older son will enjoy doing with his younger brother?
8. What can we introduce to the school to help him to stop getting teased?

If you don't want to go to the family counciler, I would recommend at least looking some information up online or calling someone that can answer your questions better. It seems obvious that this isn't your parenting that has "caused" this behavior or all your children would have these issues, and I think that you will have a lot better understanding if you speak to a professional.

1 mom found this helpful

Hi S., did the teacher recommend holding him back in Kindergarten? Sounds like he might be humiliated from repeating the same grade. Sometimes kids can pick on others when they find out things about them. Since he is above average in his academics, have you had him tested to see if he qualifies for the Horizons program (gifted and talented)?
Talk with the counselor. Regards, Deborah

I just want to say that my son is kind of the same. He is acedemicaly advanced, but behind emotional it seems. Maturaty will come in time. But I also think in this day and age, a sensitive male is maybe a good thing. I think we all seem to worry to much about our boys being BOYS!!! And girls being GIRLS! I hope you know what I mean with that. I raised my son on my own for 12 years, so I know I have made him somewhat of a wimp, but I also know that I am proud of him and that he would do anything to make me happy. SO I decided to stop worrying about his wimpisms, and realize that some day he will be a man, and I would give anything to have him back as my baby!

Hi S., I have to say that I am going through the exact same thing you are. For the first 2 years of my sons life he was raised by me and my mother. I think that might have played a major roll in how he is today. He is extrememly sensative and I am always worried about him being the "wimp" or "cry baby". He is getting better at it. My husband and I have put him into football, which he loves, it seems to help him out with his sensative issues. We are try to teach him that he doesnt have to cry when he is angry, frustrated, or anything. We try to show him how to express his feelings without crying and it seems to be working. Try giving your son some lessons in how to deal with his emotions. My son is still very sensative but now he doesnt cry as much. He takes his frustrations and angry out on the football field.

My son is also very smart, he is in the second grade but he is in a gifted program. I would have never held him back because of his sensativity. If it wasnt your decision to hold him back I would appeal it. Before my son was in the gifted program he never had anything to do in the normal class room, so he got in trouble for talking a lot. He was bored and had nothing to do, they are just kids. Now that he has more challenging things to do he doesnt bother kids in his class anymore and he is learning a lot and he enjoys that.

Good luck

S.,
My oldest son, now 9, was the same way. Very emotional, sensitive, and cried over everything! But since he started 4th grade he has grown up so much and is turning into a sensitive, caring, and sweet little man. Just a wonderful combination :) I would definitely get your son put back in the grade he's supposed to be in and enjoy him as much as you can while he's little because he will grow up way too fast as I'm sure you know.

Hey S., you sound like a really busy mom. Maybe he is acting out for your attention. His in the middle right now and maybe he feels left out b/c you are spending so much time with his sister. Nursing, potty training and so on. I have three my oldest son is 8 and my two girls are 2 &3 and boy did he act out more. I would suggest one on one time with just him. If you can't get away ask your husband, brother or other male influence. Above all never let your son think he is a wimp or let anyone tell him that it well scar him forever.
Hope this helps,
L.

Why is your son repeating kindergarten if he's academically way ahead? it sounds like he may be gifted, and should be in gifted classes, not being left behind. Have him evaluated, find the right enviornment for him. Not all kids fall into the same categories, can't always be pigeonholed. Have you looked into Montessori? They have scolarship programs for tuition. Remember you are his advocate, it's up to you to find his place for him.

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