26 answers

Is My Husband Cheating on Me?

I am having trouble with a situation at home, and I am going to reach out to this community. Recently, for some reason, I decided to look up my husband's cell phone record. Was I surprised to find that he has had several calls toa female co--worker, lasting anywhere from three minutes up to 30 minutes. Some of the calls happened while he was out of town doing some work - right close to the town where they work, and she lives. He spent the night in a hotel there. The next bunch of calls were made while I was out of town, and he was calling he at all times of the day. One morning, he called right when he got up, and then he decided to give her a "good night" call. I was out of town, and he didn't even give ME a call before going to bed. Another call was made right while I was at home, and he went outside to talk to her for about 20 minutes. These calls span about a four week period. When I confronted him about how far this has gone (have you been with her? Have you kissed her?, etc.), he stated that they were just friends, and we were having trouble, so he needed someone to talk to. I feel that his choice of whom to call was in very poor taste. I told him that I felt he was cheating on me, even if he hadn't slept with her. I know her as well, and this is driving me crazy! I told him that this needs to stop NOW!! So he went to her and said that I found out and they could not talk anymore. I have since checked his phone log (from the phone company, so he can't erase any evidence), and he has been true to his word - he has not "called" her. But I don't know about texting. I can't check that. i am asking - should I trust his word that he is not talking to her socially anymore, or do I have something to worry about here?

What can I do next?

Featured Answers

Short answer - yes, you have something to worry about.

If you're having problems, as he claims, they are not going to be resolved by getting a third person involved. If he's unhappy, etc., then he needs to address it with you, not someone else. And especially NOT another woman!!!! Sounds to me more than just talking to her for advice - early morning calls? night time calls? Doesn't add up to being just a "friend"!

Sorry!

Good luck!!

6 moms found this helpful

More Answers

Short answer - yes, you have something to worry about.

If you're having problems, as he claims, they are not going to be resolved by getting a third person involved. If he's unhappy, etc., then he needs to address it with you, not someone else. And especially NOT another woman!!!! Sounds to me more than just talking to her for advice - early morning calls? night time calls? Doesn't add up to being just a "friend"!

Sorry!

Good luck!!

6 moms found this helpful

Putting someone under the microscope can lead to resentment. Be careful what you go searching for, and be prepared to find it... good or bad.
No one here can answer your question.

6 moms found this helpful

Yes he's cheating. IMO, whether he slept with her or not doesn't matter, he is emotionally attached to her, not you, and yes, in my book, that is cheating.

Now, what to do about it? He likely has just gotten another phone to call her or is texting or calling from work. You may not know that. But HE said you guys are having problems so that shouldn't be a surprise to you. Now YOU need to start working on fixing it..ASAP.

What matters now is saving you marriage. I divorced my ex husband for this same thing...but I did everything I could to make it better, and he wouldn't do anything. I don't know if you have kids, but divorce is VERY hard on them so please do everything in your power to make it thru this. Good luck!

4 moms found this helpful

Who knows?
Probably he & she only know for sure.

I do know this: his approach to "ending" it was cowardly. Instead of handling it like a man, he acted like a petulant child "my wife caught me & says I'm not allowed"!?

Great. Now, since you know her, you can be humiliated every time you see or talk to her, right? Geeeez.

So...who knows? I hope not. Good luck!

4 moms found this helpful

So sorry you are going through this. Yes, I would take this very seriously. Insist on couples therapy and also insist that he no longer has casual contact with this woman. I would ask to speak to her to let her her know she is not to devlelop a friendship with your husband because they started behind your back. As a result, they can not be trusted. Once again, so sorry you are going through this. Get some professional help for you even if he won't go.

4 moms found this helpful

If you have to ask these types of questions then I would put my money on there being a problem in your marriage. Go with your gut it never lies. I agree with the above... you better be ready for whats underneath that rock your about to flip over. Good Luck

4 moms found this helpful

"...[H]e stated that they were just friends, and we were having trouble, so he needed someone to talk to."

THIS, to me, is what you need to focus on. Is it the truth, or is it an excuse for his cheating?

If you are having trouble in your relationship, you don't go talking to someone else about it. You talk to your spouse.

3 moms found this helpful

The fact that he's HIDING it from you speaks volumes. He calls her in the morning and he gives her a "good night call"? He goes outside to talk?

If she's a co-worker and he has only a professional relationship, why is he talking about his marriage? Doesn't he have friends of long standing with whom he can talk?

He's avoiding you. SO you both need to get counseling. If he won't go, you have a giant problem.

I agree that your need to spy on him is a problem but his need to hide things is even bigger. So even if he stops calling her, you don't have anyone actually working on the marriage - not you, not him. That's the biggest red flag of all.

3 moms found this helpful

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