Is My Husband Being Reasonable?

Just sounds like he'd love it if his wife would cook him some breakfast. I know my husband does. Tell him if he wants to clean litter boxes or some other chores on a regular basis that you'll make him breakfast a couple of times a week.
Sending him off fat and sassy to work is better than him going in mad and hungry and vulnerable to some chick that might offer to make him some breakfast one morning.

12 moms found this helpful

Look, I'm NOT a morning person. I am a complete and utter pain in the rumpus, until I'm on my second cup of coffee. I despise company in the morning. I'm like a frickin' troll. I'm not kidding, it's horrible. I even piss mySELF off. And yes, I am always (no matter the time of day) scrambling when I'm out the door.

Be that as it may, I do not expect my husband to wake up with me, nor pack my lunch if I'm leaving first. We've taken turns working, and when I was working I'd usually be up and gone by 6:00am. The rule was, I'd do my BEST to let him sleep. That means, I try to make as little commotion as possible.

The way I look at it is:
Waking someone up when they don't want to, and when they aren't obligated to (the children are awake/they have to go to work/they have an appointment to make/they need to participate with the day/etc.) is like stealing someone's golden rest. I don't do it to my husband, because he loves to sleep late too. He's a night owl, and is often under slept in the morning. Giving him the gift of an hour in bed, and being respectful of his schedule, is like saying "I love you' in my house.

And, when it's my husband's turn to wake up with the kids and let me sleep, he'll make me coffee and bring it to me in bed. It is a truly meaningful gesture. I adore this ritual. He has no idea how grateful I am for that simple, sweet action.

In my mind, your husband is being very unreasonable. You've tried to meet your needs (sleep) in a way that is, IMO, also considerate of his wants (you fixing his lunch). He wants you to FIX his morning, and it doesn't seem like he's willing to put out much effort. He's got to be willing to problem solve for *himself*.

11 moms found this helpful

My goodness there's a lot of tough ladies on here! I wonder how happy their husbands are?
Try getting up with him sometimes, and making him some breakfast. See if it makes him happy. That's a nice thing to do. He's your husband, not just some annoying dude demanding pancakes. :)

11 moms found this helpful

Sounds like he is in need of a little TLC. We all get like that sometimes, eh? My husband used to wake me up on purpose too, but wouldn't admit it. Perhaps you could get up with him one day a week, make coffee and/or breakfast while he's in the shower, and that should buy him enough time to make his own lunch. Who knows, you might enjoy eating breakfast with him while the kids are still asleep. You probably don't have to actually do it every week on a schedule. I bet just doing it here and there will be enough to make him see that you hear what he is saying, and you are trying to accommodate his needs, however unreasonable they may seem. In exchange for your efforts you can then nudge him to help you with the kitty litter, the laundry, the kids, the grocery shopping, the house, dinner, etc. etc. etc... ;)

9 moms found this helpful

Oh, I hate to get out of my cozy bed, but I do. I have always woke up either with my husband or about 30 minutes before. I make breakfast and wake him up just before it is ready so he has time to wake up and make it out of bed while the food is still warm. I pack his lunch before work, and get his travel cup ready to go too. I make sure everything he needs to take with him (cell phone, wallet, pen, etc.) is laid out on the dresser.

I cook, clean, run errands, do all the laundry, take care of the animals, take care of our son, tend the large veggie garden, and keep track of what everyone needs to do and where they need to be daily. My husband handles the finances so I don't have to worry about that little chore thankfully.

I do not think I do too much, or that anything I do is unreasonable. That is just how my life is, and I absolutely love it. But I do not think you do too little. If your husband wants you to pack him a lunch, but complains if you do it the night before I would ask him what is the difference between left-overs on the shelf in the fridge and left-overs in his lunch box in the fridge? And pack a sandwich the way I do, it is never soggy. I put the bread, lunch meat (or whatever), cheese slice, and chips all in separate containers or ziplock baggies. I have a tiny little container that I put the mayo in. Put a knife in the lunch box to spread the mayo (or whatever he wants on the bread). Lunch is packed, never gets soggy, and is easy for him to put together when he's ready to eat. That might work since you are willing to make lunch, just not early in the morning.

8 moms found this helpful

EXTREMELY UNREASONABLE.

You don't have to be up, but I'M up, so I want you to be... not for your company, but for you to do stuff for me. Ummm.... Even if it WAS for your company, how would he like to be woken up at 5am every morning by you being lonely? Or worse, so he could make you breakfast? Get up, get up, get up... I want you to feed me! (Appropriate for infants and toddlers, but not for anyone old enough to pour milk into a bowl).

Anyhow. The man needs to walk down the freezer section of QFC, TopFood, TraderJoes, whereever and start buying some frozen breakfasts (JimmyDean Breakfast Bowls come to mind, but there are a lot of 'combo' breakfast things out there pancakes and sausage, etc. that just need toasting or zapping). Wake up, stagger to the kitchen, open the box, pop it in the microwav, hit the appropriate time, climb in the shower. Voila. Out of the shower and breakfast is ready.

Lunch is another easy "fix". It's called plastic wrap. You (meaning him) lay out your bread on top of some plastic wrap. Then you lay out ANOTHER sheet of plastic wrap. What goes into your sammie goes on the wrap. Fold the whole thing up. Put in fridge. Next day at lunch just unwrap, flip insides out of plastic onto (non soggy) bread, and eat. ((If it's PB&J, you freeze it instead of refridgerator it, ... if it's egg salad or tuna... you put the wet insides in a tupperware container and the bread in a ziplock bag and Bring. A. Spoon. to smear it on.)) BENTO BOXES are another great alternative to plastic wrap, however. You just put the ingredients for you sammie in the boxes, bread separate, and assemble it at work later. (Think lunchable style). If a 2nd grader can assemble a lunchable, then a grown man can assemble a sammie. And with bento boxes, it doesn't even need to BE a sammie. Dinner leftovers make killer lunches. And they're easy/ cost effective. Package up when helping. clean. up. from. dinner.

Sheesh.

But no. I'm going to wake up my wife because I've forgotten how to feed myself. Cahones, man! Where'd they go?!? Protect your wife's sleep!!!

7 moms found this helpful

I too work for the school district, for the past 11 years. I last year I didn't have to be to work until 8:30, and my husband has to be at work at 6:30. I have always gotten up to make his lunch. Even in the summer and other school breaks. Yes I do all the house cleaning a d take care of the kids. The way I see it, it is the least I can do when I only work 9 months out of the year. Especially when he is going out to work in 90*+ weather and I am home in the AC, even if I am doing all the house cleaning and kid rearing :) I don't make breakfast though, he gets a yogurt or a banana, something he can take with him lol

Maybe I am old fashioned (I'm only 30 ha ha)

Wow! After reading some responses, I am actually surprised at how many woman DON'T atleast make their hubby a lunch! I don't feel making his lunch makes me his mommy or that he needs to grow up. The way I see it, I GET to stay home and care for the house and kids during school breaks.

Good luck! :-)

7 moms found this helpful

Seriously?!?!?! I would tell him to grow up, be a man, and do some things around the house and NO I'm not getting up and making you a 4 course breakfast everyday!!! Tell him to stop acting like a child and letting the alarm go off to wake you up. Tell him maybe if he wouldn't act this way, maybe you would want to get up sometimes and cook for him.

This isn't only directed at you, but alot of other people on here that say their husbands don't do anything. It took two to create this family and it takes 2 to maintain a family. My husband would never expect me to get up and cook for him and he always does his part around the house and helps run kids places when we have busy times. And that is what a real man does...

6 moms found this helpful

Wonderful answer from April C. Many flowers to her.

True Love is not "What are you doing for me?" True love delights in doing good deeds for the object of your affection. (A friend in need is a friend in deed.)

We all have talents and things we do around the home. You said you do all of the laundry, cleaning litter boxes, taking care of the cats, boys, fish and most of the grocery shopping. What does he do? Who mows the lawn, makes sure the oil is changed in your vehicles, washes the cars, takes the trash outside, takes the trash out to the street, trims the trees, weeds and waters the landscape? (Take care of the fish? Really? I take care of the fish too! Big deal!)

Its always been my opinion that the most skilled person takes care of the thing they are most skilled at. I did the laundry when I was single. I could do the laundry now. My wife does it. I do most of the cooking, ALL of the grocery shopping, and I can load and unload the dishwasher with the best of them. I take the trash out most of the time and take it up to the street most of the time. (The only time I don't do everything to do with the trash is when my wife or I throw something away that starts to smell, and she wants it out of the house "right now" and doesn't say anything about it to me.)

My mom got up with my dad every morning of their 52 years of marriage and made him breakfast unless the USAF had him away from home. Mom was a wonderfully devoted lady that loved him far more that he loved her if you judge it by how much house work he did. He provided for our family to the best of his ability and the way the government paid soldiers in his day. (This was way before the "volunteer Army" brought pay above abject poverty.)

Talk to your husband and tell him how much it bothers you to get up 60 minutes early. Tell him what you want. Let him tell you what he wants. Compromise. When I was in the Army, My wife would get up and have morning time with me while I got ready. She would make lunch for me and every now and then she would put a love note in with my sandwich. I've made the "big breakfast." Its not that big a deal.

I don't think some people understand that to love and serve is a choice, and elevates your character and position, it doesn't demean you. Christ loved and served all of us and taught us by example.

Good luck to you and yours.

6 moms found this helpful

No offense, but he sounds lazy when it comes to you having to make him breakfast or a lunch. He's a grown man. He can do it himself. I only do breakfast for my husband and as a family on the weekends. He can eat cereal or whatever during the week. I do pack lunches but I do that the night before when planning my daughter and my lunch. (i'm a stay at home mom/wife.)
I think since you have to basically do everything else ( as do I and did even when I was working like you.) then he can at least do that himself! Sorry, my post offends you calling him lazy. It wasn't suppose to be mean, if that makes sense. So yes, he is being unreasonable. You should be able to sleep in!

6 moms found this helpful

Not to be harsh but he needs to grow up. I have a very similar setup, hubby gets up at 6 and is gone for work by the time I get DD up (7) (I get up at 6:30 and use that half hour before she gets up, to get myself ready). And....i don't do anything to help hubby. He gets himself and his breakfast, lunch and coffee ready all by himself. Because he is a big boy lol. I wouldn't say he's a morning person either.
I mean honestly it makes me irritated to hear that your husband expects all this of you when YOU WORK FULL TIME TOO. Even if you have summers off...I suppose you could do a little more for him....but don't cater to his every whim. As far as I'm concerned, when both spouses work, "traditional gender roles" with the woman taking care of everything home-related are out the window. And by the way my mom felt the same way too, when she went back to work after decades of being a homemaker she was mad as heck that my dad continued to not lift a finger even with things like doing his own laundry. They had many fights about it. She did not back down and he eventually learned how to take care of himself.

5 moms found this helpful

You need to remind him he's a man and an adult. He should be able to get himself ready for work - including his breakfast and lunch.

I would say if I wanted another child, I'd have one. An adult child is way too much and he needs to take care of himself the way you take care of the children and yourself.

5 moms found this helpful

Your husband needs a mommy not a wife...sorry. he's being unreasonable. He's not a morning person? oh well...not your fault!!! He needs to plan ahead...if he knows he's not a morning person he can set his clothes out the night before - one task down...his lunch can be made the night before - another task down.

I make my husband's sandwiches the night before...I do NOT put tomatoes on it - I put those in a little ziploc bag.

To want a big breakfast EVERY morning?! Dude - win the lottery and hire a chef...Jimmy Dean makes bagels and other items that he can throw in the microwave...

He needs to grow up. Tell him HE can do all the things you do and THEN he can complain - until then? GROW UP!!! I'm your wife not your mother...we are supposed to SHARE in the tasks and I'm getting the short end of the stick. I contribute to the household more than you do - not in monetary funds (I don't know this for fact) but dude - grow up...

5 moms found this helpful

I ditto Grandma T. What's wrong with compromising?

Updated

I ditto Grandma T. What's wrong with compromising?

5 moms found this helpful

Your husband is a grown man. You get your sleep. You take care of two kids and a plethora of things for that man, all day long. You keep the house together and deal with stuff he doesn't even know about. Get past him trying to make you feel guilty - it's wrong of him.

Enough is enough. And don't let anyone push you into letting him act more like a baby than he already does.

D.

5 moms found this helpful

You are not being unreasonable. He is a grown man and should be able to take care of himself in the morning. Shesh! The rest of us do.....

5 moms found this helpful

I don't think it's reasonable. He's a grown man...you're already completely taking care of 3 people, he can manage all by his lonesome to make himself breakfast and lunch. You tried to compromise by offering to make him a lunch the night before, but that wasn't acceptable. There's no way I'd be waking up early to do it.

5 moms found this helpful

Sounds to me like you're already super woman. I'd say to get some ear plugs for you and some instant oatmeal for your husband. If that doesn't work, then go on a "girls only" vacation for about a week. He'll have much more of an appreciation for what you do on a daily basis and lay off about breakfast.
For what it's worth, I'm completely spoiled. My husband gets up at 5am on weekdays. I get up at 7 during the school year and 8 during the summer. On the weekends, my husband gets up with our son around 8am (which is "sleeping in" for him since he's usually up at 5am.) He lets me sleep in and usually brings me breakfast in bed!

4 moms found this helpful

He's a grown up.
Not a little boy.

My Husband, makes his own morning food, wakes on his own, gets ready on his own, dresses himself, and drinks his own coffee and grabs whatever snack he wants for work etc.
With no complaints.
I meanwhile, AM already up and doing TONS in the house and for the kids, all before 7:00am.
I do not wake up 'with' my Husband. Either.

Your Husband, is being needy and babyish.
Maybe he feels neglected or wants to bond with you or simply wants attention, like how a 'child' would.
Either way, ascertain that.
But don't let him make you feel you are wrong.
You are not.
Don't let him make you feel guilty.
You are not guilty of anything.

This is now... not the 1950's.

You are not the only one out there that this happens too.
It is a common malady... of men.
Maybe, your Husband's Mommy was that way????
Could be how HE grew up???

You are doing a lot.
What is HE doing in the household and with the kids and for the kids.... AND you???

4 moms found this helpful

He is a GROWN UP. As such he can make his own breakfast and lunch. And since he is getting up earlier - perhaps he should make breakfast for you and the kids. (after all, apparently if he loved you he would)

OMG people who think the poster doesn't love her husband. WOW, all I can say.

4 moms found this helpful

I do not make hubby breakfast. We have cearel, if he wants something else he makes it. In fact hubby is up at 5:30am out by 6:30am, I do not get up till 7/7:30am. I am not a morning person, I am a night owl, hubby knows this and does not push his luck but I do try to make sure that a lunch is ready to take to work the following day.

With Lunch he can take leftovers or he can make a sandwhich. I make sure that there are leftovers in a good size container for him to take, I always put them in the same spot in the fridge. All the people at work envy him for the variety of lunch meals, when really it is just leftovers and I have to put them away anyway so why not for hubby to take to work. If he does not like the leftovers then he can fend for himself, if there are no leftovers I will let him know and ask if he wants me to throw a sandwhich together the night before if he does not want that he fends for himself.

Like you I take care of my daughter from just about time she gets up till she goes to bed. I do all the running around and about 95% of the errands, about once a week he leaves a little note 'running low or out of can you pick up more' so I make sure to have what is needed.

If he wants that big breakfast and wants you to make it then he better be doing something equally as considerate (you have a job at home that has no hours/no limits, he has a job that has hours/limits).

4 moms found this helpful

Yes he is totally being unreasonable!! You have 2 kids NOT 3!! He is a big boy and needs to get over his little hissy fit. Now if you were up anyway, sure make his breakfast IF you want too, but do it out of love, because you want to not because he will have a tantrum if you don't. In regards to the comment below, if some CHICK offers to make him breakfast!!!! WTH are we living in the dark ages!! If a hubbie is only with you for what you can do or give to him there is something seriously wrong with that relationship. Its a 2 way street = he helps you out and you help him out.

4 moms found this helpful

I have to say, I kind of agree with your husband - but I still think a compromise can be found. For instance.....I make my husbands sandwich the night before, but I put the lettuce and the tomatoe in seperate baggies and he can just put it on right before he eats it so that the sandwich doesn't get soggy. All the guys at his work say that he is spoiled, but it really doesn't take me any longer to do it that way. I slice the whole tomatoe up at one time and put them in seperate baggies in the veggie drawer, and the same with the lettuce, then each evening, I just make the sandwich, put it in the fridge and put the lettuce and tomatoe and anything else that goes with his lunch all together, he just has to grab it and put it in his lunch box in the morning. If my husband REALLY wanted me to get up and make him breakfast every morning, I probably would. I want him to feel important to me. I don't want him to feel like he comes second to the kids. I think that is when problems start. Seems to me that the best marriages are the ones where each person is putting the OTHER person first instead of THEMSELVES. Just sayin.....

4 moms found this helpful

Trade with him....you will get up and have a nice breakfast with him and make his lunch and he can take over the laundry duty. It sounds like you have had to become super organized in order to get things done...and that is fine...but instead of having a man and 2 children...you have created a super Mom with 3 children. Good luck

4 moms found this helpful

My first husband was not a morning person either. I did as expected. I was young and in love. I made coffee and woke him and got his lunch ready and his breakfast.
He would bark at me over the fact that he was late due to me. He had the car and I was on foot running errands and so on. And, every week I worked a couple of late shifts at a clinic. I got home at midnight.
One morning I saw my two daughters making their own lunch. The big one was showing the little one how to make a sandwich properly and get a piece of fruit.
That was my awakening. He would never grow up.
I told him that this was my last morning waking him up. I gave him the alarm clock. There is much more to this story but I knew that I had to quit being a servant and be a wife one of two adults in a relationship.
Your husband is unreasonable and if he's unteachable as well you might as well decide whether the morning insanity is just that. Or he's missing his mother and should go home to her. You are not his mother.
The big breakfast he wants can be had at many breakfast places. He should shower and put his clothes for the morning out before he goes to bed.

3 moms found this helpful

I am a SAHM and I don't get up with my husband every day. I have always needed a lot of sleep and always run a deficit as it is, so if I had to get up with him every day, he would have one cranky wife! I take care of everything in the house since that is, essentially, my job, but he will help with dishes after dinner and entertaining the kids while he is here. He also usually does bathtime. But, when it comes to making him breakfast and lunch, well, he eats cereal and the man is over 30 years old....perfectly capable of making his own sandwich.

Can you make a compromise with him that you will make a big breakfast one morning on the weekends so that you can make it a "family affair" and have everyone involved? Try to keep in mind that everyone has their own "love language" and his may be acts of service. He won't see the value in all of the errand running, landry and such that you do because it doesn't necessarily directly impact him. Maybe you can try to make his breakfast or lunch every once in awhile just to make him feel loved, but I don't think it's necessary to do it every day. He may just be trying to tell you that he feels lost in the shuffle?

Good luck! Hope you guys can find a solution that works for everyone. Enjoy your summer!

3 moms found this helpful

My husband has had a few occasions to spend a whole day or a couple days in a row being Mr. Mom. He is always a reformed man after these experiences. I do have to say he's completely self-sufficient on his own and helpful in other areas whenever he can be, but after he's been in complete charge of house and kids he's always flowing with praise for me about how do I do it every day and he could never run the house as well as I do and next time he comes home and wonders why the living room is a mess or the supper isn't started he's going to slap himself and pitch in.

I think you need to find a reason to take a solo vacation! I just helped my mom after hip surgery - perhaps you have a best friend who just had something terrible in her life and NEEDS a shoulder to cry on or something?!?!

3 moms found this helpful

Um...as soon as we had our son, the packing of lunches (by me) came to a halt. He's an adult, there are almost always leftovers and there is always sandwich stuff available! AND, as a last resort there are several nearby places where he can grab a bite. Puh-leez.
My husband starts work at 5 a.m. every day. I never hear him leave! (Once in a while I hear the Harley if he takes it--he normally even coasts it out of the garage/driveway in an effort to be quiet--for me AND the neighbors!)
Your husband is acting like a baby!

3 moms found this helpful

Watch my husband suggest this to me, then watch me laugh my butt off at him and go back to sleep.

3 moms found this helpful

My husband is currently unemployed. Most days, he gets up when I do, makes coffee, and packs my lunch. While I appreciate it, I don't expect it, and if he doesn't, I'm certainly not going to get my nose out of joint over it. If he wants to sleep in, I try not to disturb him. It's not HIS responsibility to get me ready for work in the morning, it's mine.

3 moms found this helpful

Yes, he is being completely reasonable to expect his wife to care what he thinks and feels and what's really important to him. You're off work and he's getting up to go to work everyday. You're listing all the things you do for him, but those are things for the family. The one thing he wants you to do for him, you refuse. He's not being unreasonable at all!

I work full time. I am no super woman, by any means and don't try to be. But, when something is really important to my husband, I try to accomodate that, especially if it's going to cause arguments. And there are things that he doesn't want to do, but does, just because it's important to me. That's compromise and mutual respect. Think about it, are there some things your husband does for you but he doesn't have to? Just does it because it's important to you?

What's the altenative? He's mad that you dont care enough to get up wtih him and you're mad that he wakes you up? That's a vicious cycle, isn't it? Why not compromise. "Honey, I love you and want to get your day off to a good start. I am willing to do that, but I will be giving up a lot of sleep and I'm already frazzled. I'm going to need you to take over bathing the kids at night and picking up the house, while I prep for the next morning and organize myself. It's also going to drive our grocery bill up quite a bit, so, you may have to give up one day of golf" or whatever he blows money on.

A lot of what you mentioned can be made in a big batch on Sunday and just reheated through the week. I do not get up and cook on weekdays. I make a huge batch of pancakes on sunday that can be reheated throughout the week. You can make a bunch of sausage patties in advance and then in the morning you just pop a bagel or english muffin in the toaster, reheat the sausage patty and put an egg in the microwave to scarmble. Put it all together as a sandwhich and its ready before the coffeees even brewed. Grits and hash browns can be reheated and they make quick cook, one minute grits.

3 moms found this helpful

The other moms basically said what I was thinking - and my husband would never do something like that.

On the other hand, perhaps he is a bit "ADD" in the morning. You sound very organized, and maybe you are the de facto "executive function" part of HIS brain. :P If he's not a morning person that could mean that his brain is just not able to process the myriad of details that go with starting the day.

Also - the breakfast that he prefers contains alot of fats - perhaps that helps his brain too. Is it possible to get him some of those instant hot pocket-type breakfasts for the microwave? Or perhaps frozen sausage biscuits? Perhaps you can ease him towards quick, healthier fats but start with something easy.

Before you had kids, did you help him get going in the mornings? Maybe he feels shoved aside.

Believe me, I'm not saying he's right - just giving you some things to consider.

My brain does not function in the morning without coffee. :P

3 moms found this helpful

My husband and I are complete opposites when it comes to this stuff. He is the early riser (by choice), and I am the night owl (by choice, but also out of necessity). We are both teachers. During the school year, he is up first. During this past school year he would get himself and our son (3.5 yrs) ready, and I would get myself ready, nurse our daughter, and then either he or I would get her dressed. Now that she is weaned, I'm thinking our mornings will hopefully go a little more smoothly this upcoming year (then again, our oldest will be starting preschool, so TWO dropoffs now)! :)

I think that you are doing plenty with what you are currently doing. You do NOT need to get up early to help him get himself ready....come on, he is an adult! You already have plenty of responsibilities, and I'm not sure he fully realizes what a handful it can be to have two children home all day (meals, naps, games, laundry, dishes, keeping your sanity!). I would probably be tempted to *have* to be somewhere the next day off he gets, just so he can get a feeling for what you do during the day when he is not there. :)

My husband and I generally agree on our morning routine, but every once in a while, he'll grumble about me not helping as much in the mornings. I then kindly remind him that we both are full time teachers; I work an additional part time job (20+ hours a week) teaching online classes in the evenings; which means that I am grading and preparing my online lessons until midnight, 1am, 2am sometimes on school nights (outside of my live class times, I do all of my work when our children are in bed); and that extra income goes toward some of his (IMO silly) projects; in addition to this, I do 95% of the laundry, dishes, house cleaning, getting kiddos in bed, etc. Once I go through the list with him, he usually will back off a little and help out a little more. His extra work in the mornings isn't quite the 'extra' that I do every night. Don't get me wrong...he does a lot of other things that I wouldn't want to be responsible for (mowing the lawn, fixing the cars/house, etc.). He is really a very hands-on daddy, and can completely 'run the show' when I have to be gone or when I am teaching my live classes in the evenings. I know I'm very lucky. Even so, it is easy for all of us to get to feeling like we are underappreciated.

As for your husband, I would have a very candid conversation with him about all of the things that you already do throughout the day. Explain that the extra hour of sleep you get in the morning is crucial for YOU to be able to meet the needs of taking care of your children and keeping up the house on a daily basis. If possible, I would tell him that if he cannot agree to turning off the alarm right away (and being courteous enough to allow you to continue sleeping), then you're going to have to sleep in the guest bedroom on nights when he has to get up early the next day. **I do not mean this as a way of withholding sex....I just mean this from a practical let-me-get-my-sleep sort of way.

Good luck with things. Hope you get it all figured out soon. :)

3 moms found this helpful

Hello? are you me - LOL read my post about SAHM's getting up in the morning with husbands! Mine has finally relaxed about having a soggy sandwich - if he wants me to make it, then I make it the night before. He tries to be reasonably quiet now.
My husband gets up at six, and when I have to get the kids to school I get up at 5.30, so I am relishing the lie ins, but It will all be over soon. I think they feel better when they see us "working"
I also do all cooking, all cleaning, all laundry, pretty much everything. He will help if I ask now and again, so I am lucky there.
My husband has these grandiose ideas of how a wife should be because his mother used to get up in the morning before everyone, and make bacon eggs and stuff, then send them off with freshly done sandwiches etc. She was a great mom.
I think sometimes the bacon was the only way she could get three teenage boys out of bed though!

2 moms found this helpful

Men like to be babied....and it is completely ridiculous. My mother and mother-in-law did everything for my father and father-in-law and it was a joke. It actually pisses me off. Men are fully capable of taking care of themselves. My hubby tries to pull this stuff with me and I just laugh at him and I am a stay at home mom.

You are doing a lot. Don't feel like you need to do more and don't let him guilt you into it.

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How passive aggressive. I would fight dirty with dirty and sleep in another room. Then stop doing whatever it is I do for him anyway, like his laundry. And make mine chicken, he hates chicken.

You are being reasonable, he is an adult.

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Grandma T said it best! Offer a comprise. Do not enable the morning song and dance but offer a better plan.

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Time to grow up mister! You're not his mommy. Where is your IHOP spread in the morning after you've gotten yourself and kids and cat taken care of? I'd make a deal with him - if he wants a full course breakfast in the mornings, you'll do it Saturday and Sunday each week. He can no longer stomp around while you are sleeping. As for the lunch thing - I tend to agree that sandwiches do get soggy when made the night before, but the leftovers is a great idea!

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Sounds like he's being Jerky to me. My Husband makes his own sandwiches on Sunday for the hole week they do not get soggy. Sounds like he needs some time alone with you. He is sounding very needy & needs to grow up. Have you read the 5 love languages books, they help a lot. There are online tests too. I would sleep separately from my spouse, if I know he is going to wake me up on purpose. You do more than enough, I think he just feels neglected.

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I had to laugh when you put the cats before the boys lol. I think personal meals like brekky and lunch can be made by a big boy like your hubby for himself. He sounds a bit like me in the morning, although I'm getting myself and three little boys ready for the day. For some reason, if my husband is available, I get thrown into a tizz and run around like a mad woman, demanding help from him. When it's just me, I'm fine!

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Yes, he is being unreasonable! Maybe he saw his mom getting up and fixing his father's breakfast and lunch every day and now wants that same treatment. I think he needs to behave like an adult.

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I have a husband who has adjusted to my schedule by going to bed early. I like to be in bed by 10:30 or so because I get very tired and will wake up at 6am even without an alarm. So we go to bed at the same time and get the same amount of sleep. He can not wake up in the morning! He is a very capable, thoughtful hubby, he helps with the kids and shopping and housework. He is not being difficult or lazy, his brain literally doesn't wake up until about 9am. It has taken me forever to fully understand this and not be bugged by the fact that he has been awake for 2 hours and has not gotten a thing done while I have done the dishes, cleaned the house, gotten dressed and fed etc.Sounds like your husband is the same way.
I recently started nursing school and can't help him in the morning. Here's what we have discovered helps him get out of the door in the morning:

1. Lay out his clothes the night before. If he puts them in the bathroom, he will get dressed right away. This simple act helps him become more alert.
2. Make sure his keys, lap top, shoes, jacket and whatever else he needs to take with him are beside the door or in a regular spot. It is very hard to remember what you need to take with you and remember where you left it when your brain is still asleep.
3. I make his coffee for him. It is a simple little act that makes him feel loved and really does help.
4. Make as much of his lunch as possible the night before. When your brain doesn't work, you can't open the fridge and figure out what to make for lunch because you can't think. My hubby eats a lot of leftovers that are put in the container the night before. He can precut apples or veggies and put them in a bag also.
5. I am not a big breakfast eater and my kids have been getting their own breakfast since they were 9 or 10. Sometimes I will get him a bagel or bowl of cereal but most of the time he either doesn't eat or manages to get his own. This is not an issue open for discussion. I don't make breakfast!

It doesn't help to get upset. Work with each other and find things that will help him to get himself ready in the mornings. Don't nag, don't complain, don't get resentful. It will impact all aspects of your marriage. Talk to each other and find out what his top priority is (what he really, really, needs help with) and do that one thing if possible.
Hope you figure it out before I did.
B.

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my husband wakes up at 4:30 am. i wake up around 5. but not to baby him but to do my household chores. kids get up around 7:30 and by then the first floor is already cleaned. i feel bad for your husband but this is something he needs to get under control. remind him that he is a big boy and that he can do it. :)

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Personnaly...sounds like there's a power struggle going on. (sorry of someone already said that, I didn't read all the responses)

He's probably irritated that you get to "sleep in" and he has to go to work and you get to spend time with the kids and he has to go to work and WHAH.

Anyway, he is your husband. Better or worse. And i'd talk to him about why it's so important to him for you to be up at the butt crack while he's doing the tazmanian devil around the house. And I'd do it in the afternoon, after his coffee and his 4 course breakfast. Try and find out why he's making this request.

If it's cause that's what wives do, then well, might warrant a chit chat with someone other than Mamapedia people to get to the bottom of the rather assinine way of thinking.

I used to cook a hot meal for my husband every night at 1130pm. he worked nights and that's when his "dinner" time was. I did that because I did stay at home and did take care of the house and well, he did make the majority of the money that came into the house and I loved him.

Other than his overly dramatic way of waking up and his request for eggs and grits, is he an ok daddy and provider? Does he love you well? I think in the grande scheme, you'll see that getting up to make breakfast is a small piece in a bigger picture...and won't seem so daunting a request.

Me personnally tho...I'd negotiate twice a week. And dare him to wake me up for fear of having a shoe thrown at his head if he so much as peeps louder than a whisper on the days I'm "off". That's just me tho...I'm trying to be diplomatic... :)

Sending good thoughts your way.

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Yeah f'n right! As soon as he got out of bed I'd unplug that alarm clock and tell him to get over it. I used to get up with my man at 5 am and did stuff like make the coffee and maybe some hot cereal or toaster waffles and people thought that was a lot! But a full breakfast?! I'd laugh in his face. This is your summer too and I'd say either you can take what I offer you or you'll get over it. He's being completely unreasonable maybe ask him to start doing things that you're currently responsible for and see what he thinks about that?

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For the lunch issue: Layer his sandwich in the container/bag with wax paper or seran wrap between the bread and meat, then add some 'extra' condiment packages that you see in restaurants (mayo, miracle whip, mustard). If he doesn't like this idea, have him pay for his lunch out of his 'play' money. Or, budget for those Oscar Myer hot sub sandwhiches (2.50) and let him take those and heat them up wherever he is (or get one of those 10 dollar pepperoni/salami/cheese/cracker trays and divy it out everyday). I had this problem with my husband. He gets 100 every other Friday for 'him'. Anything outside of the normal food budget (which included lunch ideas) came out of that fund. His two monsters a day? His fund. $20 lunches out with the guys? His fund.

As for the alarm clock? When you get a solid idea that works, let me know!!! My husband sets the alarm for an hour to an hour and a half EARLIER than he has to be up, so I wake up every 7 minutes and punch him (because he doesn't hear it for up to 15 minutes otherwise) to turn it off. Since I go to bed around 2 (thanks to his late night tv habit (and he wonders why he "can't" get up in the a.m.)) and have to be up at 7, this REALLY irritates me and we fight about it often.

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I would tell him that you would gladly make him breakfast if he does several of your morning chores (cats, fish, etc.) while you cook. Sometimes men just want the world to revolve around them and sometimes you have to throw it back in their face that it doesn't....but as nice as possible, lol!

I teach as well and our summer argument is that he can't sleep because I am home with our daughter (who is 3.5). Apparently we are supposed to walk around our ranch home on pins and needles and whisper all day long until he awakes......I understand he works nights and sleeps during the day, but common sense will tell you that the house isn't going to be completely quiet...(Earplugs, anyone?)...Love my summers, but on those days, I would rather be working, lol! We compromised and on days when he works (he has a rotational shift), I will make sure to run errands and go places with our daughter or use the daycare we are still paying for so that we are not here waking him from his slumber.

Here's another summer argument: the AC is set too warm and should be set cooler because he is SOOOOO hot........I told him that I would gladly turn the air cooler, but he would have to give up some of his spending money each month towards the bill because I wasn't pulling the funds from anything else......Haven't heard him complain since........:)

Sometimes you have to make compromises so everyone can be a "winner".....LOL! Take care and good luck!

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ugh...my husband after 10 years of living together, JUST bought himself his own alarm clock. wanna know why? beause i went on vacation for 10 days without his butt and he stayed home and worked lol. he still doesn't make his lunches, but i refuse to do that since it is not something i do for myself or our son, so he usually eats fast food. he can do that with HIS money, i don't argue. i also don't make breakfasts. (all these are covered at our son's daycare - if i had to do it for him, things might be different). if i'm not going to do it for myself, i sure am not going to take time out of my morning to do it for him. as you've said - we already do EVERYthing else.

men can be so selfish sometimes. i am like you, take care of the house, the child, taxi service, i even pay all the bills. he might take the trash out occasionally-? lol. and our fight is always about car stuff. he complains because he's not a "car guy" and doesn't know any more than i do about it. (even though he works for an auto parts company and has tons of connections, that, when pressed, can get us things at cost or free lots of times). but he can't just do it cheerfully, he has to throw a tantrum every time. LAZY!

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He is a big boy. He can make his own breakfast and lunch. Sounds like he needs time management skills and to be more organized. It makes a difference if you take a shower at night, lay your clothes out, lay your "Im taking this with me to work" on the table or somewhere by your wallet/purse. Basically laying everything out saves a bunch of time. Running around like a chicken with his head cut off doesn't sound like someone who does that lol. It's ridiculous for him to make you feel guilty about not making him an Ihop breakfast every morning and a fresh sandwich. My ex did some messed up stuff, but he would never have the craziness to demand that from me. I didn't expect him to make my breakfast and lunch when he had a day off lol. We would talk in the morning a little bit (mostly I'm in bed and he's getting ready in the bathroom or whatever) and he would lay by me, kiss me, we say the I love yous, and he'd be on his way. My ex came home for lunch but I still wasn't expected to make lunch. Sometimes I did, sometimes I didn't. Would your husband make all that stuff for you on HIS day off? I highly doubt it. I feel like there is give/take in a marriage, but you are not his mommy. He can cook his breakfast, make his lunch, and lay out his clothes/work stuff all by himself. You have to much to do with 2 kids then add a 3rd adult child to the list.

I'm with Carrie on what a real man is. These guys that expect their wives to do everything in the house (or 98% of it), take care of the kids, cook dinner, then cook a 4 course breakfast and make lunch is just being a baby.

And any guy that would cheat for any reason doesn't deserve a wife. It's not your responsibility to make him an Ihop breakfast so he "won't cheat". Cheaters cheat because they're weak.

He can absolutlely get himself and his breakfast and lunch ready. Even if you were not going to work everyday, it would be fine for you not to get up with him in the mornings.