Is It Wrong, Please Help!

GO. RUN. DON'T LOOK BACK!! You will be a better parent for it.

3 moms found this helpful

One of the things my husband and I agreed to before having children was that we would incorporate them into OUR lives vs. making our lives revolve around them. I feel that this makes us a much better couple as well as better parents.

We've seen far too many people who make their children the center of their family and forget about each other. What follows is often a breakdown in communication and resentment, the team approach to parenting fades and when the kids are older, a disconnect to one another which leads to having nothing in common, and an unhappy life together. What these people are going to do after their kids are grown and they're left with one another is beyond me. They'll have a lot of work to do to be a couple once again.

Additionally, spending time away from your kids is a great way for them to experience other things and social interactions. They'll have their own special memories and experiences.

So ditch the guilt (it will detract from your fun) and go and have the time of your lives. You'll miss your kids, sure! But you'll be a stronger couple and better parents when you return. Have fun!!

2 moms found this helpful

Are you kidding me? No one will think you are a bad parent. You are actually a better parent for doing it. Showing your children that your relationship with your husband is important and that you love each will teach your children a lot about a healthy relationship. I had a 8, 5 and 20 month old when my husband and I went for 12 days to the mediterrean on a cruise for our 10 anniversary. Four and a half months later we got pregnant with number 4.

1 mom found this helpful

Ha! Wrong? In my opinion, Heck No! My Daughter who is two has been staying with family and our closest friends since she was 7 days old. We wanted to her to be able to adapt to everyone. We knew she has always been left in the hands of people who truly love and adore her. And that couldn't make me happier! I am very fond of the "it takes a village to raise a family" mantra as well! So take your vacation! Get to know your husband again and enjoy some time to be an adult. We don't get many opportunities for that!

1 mom found this helpful

Putting your marriage first is a GREAT thing to do for your kids. Go and enjoy some rest and relaxation with your husband. Someone once told me that if you don't take care of yourself, you won't have anything to offer your kids. And it's true! E.

1 mom found this helpful

Absolutely go! It seems you have a lot of support already but I wanted to vote yes too. Your marriage transcends your entire family - if it's good,everything else will fall in to place. We go away just as "us" once or twice a year. We usually go to adults only places so we don't have to see other kids and miss ours - ha! It's also good for your kids to realize mommy and daddy go away and come home - and even though they're 2 and 3 (almost 3 and 4), they won't really get that you're gone a whole week - time is not that concrete for them. It will be harder on you than them, and once you get out and relax and reconnect you'll realize it's totally ok to do so.

Have fun!

1 mom found this helpful

No it's not wrong at all. In fact, I'm jealous. HAVE FUN!

I'm jealous. There is nothing wrong with leaving the kids for this time period--though I am sure you will get some people telling you not to do such a thing. If the kids are in very loving hands and you prepare them before hand, then go for it. You have to take care of yourself as well and many times it is pushed to the side.

I think you deserve it and it is healthy for your relationship:) I would take a shorter trip if I were you though. Especially since it's your first one. Also do you want to be stuck out in the ocean and not be able to hop a plane back if necessary? Just a thought. Have fun on whatever trip you take !

Once in a while couples should have a chance to reconnect on a nice little "parents only" vacation if it is possible. Anyway, you are not a horrible mom for wanting a little time off with your husband but I do understand how you might feel too guilty and anxious to leave them. Maybe you could think about how you and your husband will get to pretend to be like you were as a couple before the kids, and how much more you'll appreciate the kids after a short separation.

I know this is a bit later than all the other responses but i wanted to give my honest opinion, I hope you go and have a great time, your kids have you full time every day already so 7 days is not going to do any harm. You will come back refreshed, relaxed with more energy and VERY IMPORTANT, a better relationship with your husband(their father) Kids do pick up on our feelings and they will be happy to see mommy and daddy happy. I think it will be harder on you than them to be apart for 7 days, but please go, think about them always and say to yourself i'll be a much better mom when i come back, and have fun with your husband.

I think it's totally fine. I know if I were on a cruise I would worry a bit about being unable to get back to the kids, but if I had a chance to go I would do it! If you have great childcare for your kids I would take the chance. Mom and dad will be better parents for having a little break.

My husband & I are going on a 7 day cruise in March. My daughter will be almost 4, and my son 1.5 at that time. I will no longer be breastfeeding, so I think it is a great time to go. My parents are going to watch the kids, so who better than their grandparents to love them and spoil them for a week while I am trying to relax and have fun with my husband. (And yes, our marriage could use some alone time too!!!) Enjoy!

Hi B.!

WOW!!! A 7 day cruise!! That is fantastic!! What marriage doesn’t deserve that!! My name is R. and I am the mom of 6, 3 boys & 3 girls who are my blessings, and because I must have done a great job with the 6 the good lord gave me the gift of 2 granddaughters!

My advices for a healthy marriage...go!! You and hubby need this time, the more you build your one on one relationship with each other, the stronger foundation with your boys. You said they would be in good hands, what a great time for them, maybe the family can plan outings for your boys to make it a fun vacation for them. One day your boys may go off to Summer Camp for 7 days, it's good for them just as a vacation is good for you two!

Without you & hubby putting yourselves first, then you run the risk of stress, Always remember the feelings you had when you first fell head over heels in Love, and go find them again and get renewed!!

HAVE Fun!!
~R. ^_^
IL

PS On the subject of The World thinking your Horrible Parent...Nonsense...I believe the World would to go too! lol

Imagine That Candle Company
~R.~
____@____.com
Imaginethatcandles.com
Charter Distributor/Manager
for Gold Canyon "The Worlds Finest"

I don't think it's wrong at all. And I am quite jealous to tell you the truth! :) If you can swing it financially and are comfortable with the caretakers... then I think husband/wife should go!!! I know my hubbie and I would truly benefit from something like that. Just make sure that you are able to be reached (may involve changing your cell phone plan or something) and bring a goody or two back. Congrats and have a blast!!!!

A good parent would also take the time away to reconnect and regroup! You deserve it and if the kids are in good hands, great! They are young enough they will never remember this as adults! You need to spend time with the hubby, afterall he was there long before they were and you were a lover and friend before you were mama! I travel quite a bit without my kids if you have any doubts...message me!

I'm going to echo what everyone else has said...GO! Easier said than done though, right? I think we all understand the guilt you feel but if you can get past the guilt you and your husband really should go.

The way I see it, I was a wife before I was a Mom. And, although being Mom seems to demand more attention on a day to day basis, being a wife needs attention too.

Go for it. My older son was 8 months when DH and I went to Vegas alone. We talked about him all the time and babies seemed to be EVERYWHERE, but it was a great refresher for us.

Enjoy.

I say go for it! I understand how you feel, I have trouble leaving my children at all, but if you are leaving them with family you are fine. It gives them a chance to get closer with their relatives as well. Have a fun trip!

I have not read your other responses, but I say "go, go go". Feel like an adult, eat dinner without someone tugging on you, tend to yourself and your husband without getting up with the kids in the middle of the night, have a few drinks, enjoy the sun, and enjoy your 7 day freedom! :) You are not a bad person for wanting to have a break, don't we all deserve that from time to time. Anyone who is judging you for leaving your kids is probably not someone you want to worry too much about anyway, they are probably just jealous that you have an opportunity to go, or that you can handle being on a wonderful trip and allowing yourself to enjoy it, you deserve it, now stop thinking and start packing :)

Go for it! I feel the same way--we are going to Vegas for 5 days in Sept. My kids are 2 and 9 months and it will be a first trip for us too. We deserve it!!

It's not wrong...we've gone on two mini vacations while my daughter stayed with my parents. As long as you trust the relatives watching them, have a blast and relax. We need time away to be great parents!

I say GO!!!!!! I wish we had a chance to do that. Take advantage of it while you can.

Go and have fun!!!! You are not a horrible parent for wanting to spend time with just with your husband. If your kids are in good hands then go and have a great time!!

I think one of the best things you can do for your children is have a strong marriage! Think of it as a gift to your kids that you are investing this important time into your marriage. You are not a horrible parent. Have fun!

edit-- Maybe it would be a nice idea to get them some sort of little toy or souvenir for when you come home.

Isn't it amazing how much guilt a parent often feels? Don't feel badly about taking this trip. I can only echo what the others have said. Take time for you and your marriage. Enjoy the trip!

You deserve it- it is not like you have infant children- your children are almost 3/4, so go have fun. I think it is important to have a happy marriage and the time away will give you some "needed" time. I would get them a gift when you return of the place that you went. It will make them feel like you missed them and gives them a special treat.
Have fun- your marriage is worth it and if you have a great support through your family-GO FOR IT!!

I agree with Karla, it is important to keep your marriage healthy in order for your family to be healthy too. My husband and I have agreed that we will take a family vaca every year and a "parents only" trip once a year also. But we also agreed that we'd always be 1st to each other and not the kids. Our children only stay with their grandparents (which they love) and we come back like new people. Of course you miss them like crazy and call everyday but it's good to have time for yourselves.

NOOOOO! It's not wrong! You can't be a good mother if you don't take time for yourself. You have to remember that you are a person too! Everyone needs a break, even kids. They will have so much fun with their relatives that it will be a break from routine for them too. Go and enjoy yourselves and try to work on your marriage, because after all, that is part of being a good mom too! Good luck, have fun and no worries!

I really don't know why you would think it is a bad idea! We make it a point to go on one vacation a year without our kids. It strengthens our marriage, gives the grandparents time with the kids, and we come back feeling refreshed. Of course you will miss them, that is natural but don't miss out on the opportunity!

Go, enjoy yourself and do not feel guilty!

Absolutely not wrong. I came from a family of nine kids, and my parents travelled a great deal. The kids saw it as an adventure, like our own little "staycation." My parents were happier for it, and we loved getting the souveniers that they brought home to us. Go and have a great time!

I'm jealous! If I had that opportunity, I would go. As long as you feel comfortable with who the kids are with, they will be fine and have fun too! Call them, send them postcards, and bring them back some fun gifts! Go and have fun.

GIRL, you go for it. You do deserve it, and you will come back an even better mommy for it. I have 3 boys, ages, 2, 3, and 4. Soon to be 4 and 5. I know that you need some time, as a matter of fact, can I come too? LOL Go, have a good time, let yourself miss them and you will be a more relaxed and happy mommy when you get back.

K.

After reading all of the other replies I might be the only person that would say "no". I don't like to leave my kids and I feel realy bad when I have to (I only do when I absolutely have to ). I would go on the cruise but I would take the little people with. If you go without them you will just go crazy thinking about them and they will go nuts missing you guys. why not just go all together? I might be nuts, but I would never go away without them and If I did I would not enjoy myself because I would feel guilty and I would miss them. There is nothing wrong with taking the kids everywhere you go, even though there are all those othrer moms that do it all the time, that feel good about it and will tell you to do it. If you don't feel good about leaving your kids, why do it????....
You can make time for "private time" and to "make the marriage work" without going away without the kids...

Go!!!! You deserve a break! Your husband gets to take weekends and holidays off work but your job is 24/7 and you need a break! You will come back refreshed and really appreciating your children and the time that you spend w/them.

Good Morning B.

I think it's an awesome idea!! Remember, the kids will grow up and go off to college then get married, your husband on the other hand is your LIFE partner! You both need to spend some time away from the kids. Go and have fun and rekindle what attracted the both of you together in the first place!

God's Blessings
D.

This is something only you can decide. My daughters are 16 and 18 years old and we have never gone on a vacation without them. We have talked about it but in the end we knew we would not have a good time without them and there will be plenty of time soon when they both leave for college. On the other hand my husband and I have always tried to have a date night every week or two which has been great for our marriage. I think only you and your husband can decide what is best for your family. Maybe before you spend 7 days away from your boys go somewhere for the weekend and see how that goes.

Hi B. -
I went through the same thing. My husband and I were offered a vacation to Mexico - all expenses paid for by our best friends that don't have children. I tossed and turned about it. In the end, we wound up going on the trip and left our children (2 1/2 and 8 months old) with my parents. It took me about a day and a half to stop worrying and calling every hour. But they had a blast, my parents loved it and our marriage needed it too.

You feel like everyone else is watching you thinking how horrible you are for leaving your kids that long, right? Don't beat yourself up about it - know your kids will be safe and loved and secure and go have a great time with your husband. Before you know it - the vacation will be over and you will be back home with your boys. Enjoy yourself and know you deserve it! All parents deserve to get away and have "mommy and daddy time."

H. B.

B., please relax and go on that cruise. Not many times there is the opportunity to do that. Go on that cruise, enjoy and as you said the marriage needs that. Your boys will be fine with family and trust me the boys will still love you, even more probably when you come back. You need to do something for yourself which is very important, so here's your chance. Enjoy!

B., It is absolutly not wrong for you to go. If you and your husband are not connected and have a strong foundation then your family will suffer. Your children need to see the two of you taking time out for each other. The stronger the two of you are the more secure your children will feel in the family unit. Not to mention having two boys so close, you need a vacation I am sure! Go on the trip and have fun.

WOW......have fun! If the kids will be in great hands and you remember to leave a medical release with the caretaker, and you don't feel totally guilty leaving them - go for it! My sister had 5 kids (all adults now). One week, a year, they would go on a family vacation and for their second vacation of the year, for about 5 days they would vacation by themselves and leave the kids with me. The youngest is now 24 years old. They had the greatest time and I am still so close to my nieces and nephews. I'm glad I had the opportunity to be with them when they were so young. Have a marvelous time! Enjoy your hubby - it's good for the kids!

go go go! we did too, for our five year anniversary, our kids were 2 1/2 & 3 1/2. You won't regret it! For our 10 year annviversary they were old enought to go on the cruise with us! :)

Have fun!

GO! GO! GO! No one will think your a horrible mother. Even mommies need a break. Many of my friends do it. We call it a KIDDY VACATION. The kids get to go on their own vacation and have fun while mom and dad go on a trip. Once you come back you will be planning next years KIDDY VACATION. Have fun.

No, it is not wrong. Everyone needs a break, and since I was a SAHM for about 9 months before I went back to work, my opinion is that you need it more than others!

Log off.
Make your plans.
Do not feel guilty.
Have the time of your life!

Dear B.,

I'm a SAHM of 3, 1 girl (14), and 2 boys (6 & 8). My husband and I just celebrated our 10th anniversary and he took me on a 7 day cruise. Let me tell you what, I didn't feel like a horrible mom at all! Not only did I need the break from the kids, my husband and I needed the time to reconnect and focus on each other w/o the day to day challenges of home. The kids were left with my mom and they had a great time, too! Everyone on the cruise that asked us if we had kids were amazed we were able to get away w/o the children. Plus, you're not doing yourself or your relationships any favors if you don't take time out for yourself. So, go! Have a good time and re-charge! I hope this helps.

J.

GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And dont feel guilty about doing so. You need to be happy(give yourself a break)in order for everyone else to be happy. If you have someone that is willing to look after them for a week-take advantage of it while you can, the opportunity may never come around again. Of course you will miss your little guys, but it is probably the best for everyone in your family....HAVE FUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!

No, it is not wrong at all. Me and my husband went on a cruise when our 1st was 2. She was left with my mother so I knew she was fine. You said your sons will be with close family so there is no need to worry there. Parents need a vacation for themselves once in a while too. You of course will miss them but will also have a great time. One thing I would do (I found this out while we were out of town one weekend and my daughter got sick while with my mom), leave your insurance card and also a letter signed by you and your husband that the ones taking care of the boys have your permission to take them to the doctor if needed. Doctors will not see them without this consent, mine was just for a fever but mom took her just to be sure. The world will not think you are a horrible parent, many parents do this. Have a great time!!

B.,
Go on the cruise! You said they would be in great hands, so I assume that means family and friends will take care of them. Kids also benefit from a healthy relationship between their parents. It's fine to get away! Let them know you'll be calling and they can call you, too!

M.
www.spiceglamup.com

I do not think it's wrong. I have three children who are now almost 14, 11 and 9. The first time my husband and I went away without the children, my daughter (the youngest) was only 4 months old. It was our 10-year anniversary. We were originally going to go to Vegas, but I was hesitant about leaving my mother with three small children. So we went downtown for the weekend and had a wonderful time. We needed it and it's nice to know that my husband and I still can do things together and enjoy each other's company.

Since then, we have been to Vegas for a few days at a time and in the last three years, I have been on a cruise, to Cancun and Florida without them. These trips were all earned trips that I didn't have to pay for. I sell Gold Canyon candles and made the incentives. So each time, we've had grandma watch the kids and go. Our cruise was 7 days and it was a few years ago. The kids were just fine. It's actually easier when they're smaller and they don't have the school and sports schedules that they do now. As long as you're leaving them with someone you are comfortable with so you also won't worry while you're gone, it will be just fine. So go for it!!