Is It Wrong Not to Have Family at Hospital Until After Baby Is Born?

L. I think that since you're the one that is going to be doing all of the work that you can do it however YOU want. Good Luck and Congrats on your new baby!

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You NEVER know how long labor will take, especially with the first child. When I had my boy, we were in CA and all our family was in PA and FL, so it wasn't an issue. My sis and MIL flew out to be with us and to help after the baby was born. MIL was in the delivery room to support Hubby. That said, I probably would have done the same thing even if we lived in the same area. Generally only 1-2 people are allowed in the delivery room, and it'd be boring as heck to just be sitting around waiting, especially if it takes 5, 10 hours (my labor was 9 altogether).

Everyone will appreciate a phone call when the little one shows up. Have whoever you want in the delivery room. Dad can call everyone when the baby shows up, and have him ask them to come the following day, and see if you can space out the visits, as you're going to want to sleep.

If you feel up to having people come the same day (I wasn't, as I went into labor at 10PM and was up all night in labor), then call them and say "come on over".

You are the one having the baby, so you get to decide when people come to visit you. It's not selfish to want some time alone after working hard to bring your little one into the world.

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My MIL wanted to be there when I was having my first and you know what--NO! She wasn't offended and respected my choice. For me, this was a very private, almost spiritual time to bring another life into the world. I was just not comfortable having anyone there except my husband. I really didn't even want doctors and nurses around unless they really HAD to be. This is your time, your body, and you need to be as comfortable as possible. Call them once the baby is here.

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I don't think it's wrong at all. If you're more comfortable with no one standing outside the door, asking about how things are going, when they can come in, etc., it's perfectly fine to say so. As long as you treat all family members the same (no fair letting your side of the family be there but not his), it is completely up to you.

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Hi L., No you are not weird for wanting your privacy during labor, birth and afterward. I am a mom, new and young grandma, and a Labor and Delivery nurse. I look at the entire birthing process as a private and personal thing for a woman. You wouldn't want people walking in and out of your bedroom or bathroom when you are barely clothed, exposed in ways you will never forget, and then trying to get a new baby to breastfeed is not always easy. Your breasts will be out there for all to view. I am with you on that decision, been there done that, and work there!! Keep this as private as you want. Call everyone AFTER the birth, and it will probably take them 30 min to an hour to arrive and that will be fine. Your hubby will understand after he sees how EXPOSED you are during the whole process. Keep the event private, special and sweet. Good luck to you!!

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I was very anxious and our family is out of town. I told everyone not to come until after we delivered. My mom understood but the mother in law was upset. Would I make the same decision again? Yes! It was less stressful for me and at the end of the day, you are the one who has to give birth so you need to do what is right for you. I hope all works out.

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BE SELFISH!!!! It is not about everyone else it is about you and your husband, and really it is more about you. If you don't want them there don't have them there. If you are afraid to say anything, blame the doctor. Say he/she doesn't want anyone there besides your husband. Your doctor should back you up if anyone decides to come. I know when I arrived at Presb. Allen, the nurses told me that if I wanted anyone to leave (including my husband) to just let them know and they would escort them out. Really in the middle of it all you are not going to be worried about them in the waiting room. If they want to wait in the waiting room instead of the comforts of their home, that is on them. I'm the opposite of your husband I think it is weird to have an audience and/or an entire waiting room full of family while you are in labor. They can't see they baby until after you have it anyway, so you might as well wait until after the baby is born and you are adjusted for awhile. Anyone who gets upset with you kicking them out will get over it so don't worry about it.

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Do what makes you the most comfortable. I called everyone both times. The second time I didn't even have any visitors until we were home from the hospital. It was so nice to just have my husband, two daughters, and my mother at the hospital. It was relaxing, calm, and just so wonderful. You are about to be a parent - and your main focus now is to look at what is best for your new family.

Congratulations!
S.

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I totally understand your feelings, that is normal. Don't worry about the family in the waiting room, they will keep each other entertained. The nurses are there for you, whatever you want make sure your nurse knows and she can help you tremendously. After I had my baby, my nurse asked everyone to step out so I could try breast feeding (this was in the recovery room because I had a c-section) It was totally smooth-no weird feelings whatsoever.

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I really think honesty is best. First, find out what the hospital allows. In Louisiana where I delivered the first 2, people came in the recovery room as soon as I was out of surgery (I had c-sections), but here, I went to recovery, baby came with me to nurse, and no one was allowed in for an hour after the birth. Not my rule, hospital rule! I would just tell people that you've decided you don't want anyone in the delivery room with you other than hubby and maybe your mom, so you'd be glad to call when you go into labor, but who knows how long it will take, and you don't expect everyone to be hanging around all day, plus, the hospital rule is for mom & baby time for 1 hour after delivery, so you just really hate for people to have to wait all that time. So, you'd be glad to call after the baby arrives and see them later that day when things have calmed down a bit. If they say they want to be in the waiting room, that's their choice, and let them! They are just concerned about you and the baby! Hubby can call when you go into labor and say basically the same thing "she just went into labor, doctor said it could be hours, and we'll call again when the baby comes. don't forget, you won't be able to see the baby until 1 hour after delivery, so you'll have plenty of time to get here once I call."

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L., I am a mother of three. The birth of your baby is you choice and if you don't want anyone but your husband in the room then that is the way it should be. If other people get upset then they really don't have any respect for the two of you, this includes parents. During my labor I think my Mom and Dad came in to check on me but once I started into delivery it was just me and David!

This deal of people getting there feeling hurt over things is stupid. If you don't want people to hold your new born this is alos your choice also, and don't let people put a guilt trip on you.

Enjoy every minute of it, they grow up really fast.

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It is your time! Take what you need and don't worry about them.They should respect your wishes. Good luck!!

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Hi L.,
Labor could last several hours, at wee hours. I don't think anyone, except the father would be willing to wait at the hospital for the baby to arrive.
I only had my husband by my side in the delivery room and refused my mom and my mother-in-law's presence. I believe it's the intimate moment that you have all your right to decide what you feel comfortable.
Good luck.
L.

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I see you have gotten a lot of responses, but I needed to add mine.

Having a baby is very personal, private and stressful. My mother was a pain when I had my first. She wanted to be in the room the entire time....even when the doc was doing exams. Luckily, I had a "dry run" to the hospital when that happened. The next time I went to the doctor, I told the doctor that I didn't want anyone in the room when the baby was born.

When we actually went to the hospital to have the baby and it came time for delivery, the doctor asked everyone to leave. The families were there but in a waiting area. They came in when they were told they were allowed... by the doctor. This took all the pressure off me. And, if you need to you can have this conversation with your doctor alone.

My first was born at 9:30 so everyone came in and quickly left because it was getting late. I kept telling everyone I was tired. My 2nd was born at 3:20AM so it was a non-issue.

Good luck with this situation.

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By no means should you worry about anyone being bored! It it NOT NOT NOT your job to entertain your family at this stage--it is THEIR job to help YOU. You've gotten some good suggestions, but I'll add one more. At the hospital where I gave birth, they had a code word set up--if I asked for grape juice while I was in labor (which, obviously, I wasn't allowed to actually drink)--that would trigger the doctor and nurses to announce that everyone except for DH and medical personnel had to leave the room immediately. The staff would kick your MIL out for you! If necessary, set something like that up in advance with you OB, since even if you have pushy family who will be insulted if you kick them out of the delivery room (which they SHOULDN'T be, and if they are it is THEIR problem), they cannot argue with doctor's orders. Personally, I had no interest in anyone there other than DH--I mean seriously, people, I'm busy, plus have my legs spread and in the air! No need for an audience, thanks! Assert your rights, and do what's most comfortable for you!

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There is something very special about the birth of a first baby. Do it the way you and your husband are comfortable. You can send out text messages or emails or facebook from the hospital and they will know almost immediately anyway. It is not selfish to want to have family time with YOUR family - your husband, you and baby. If people are in the waiting room, don't worry about them. They are adults and can choose how to spend their time. Do tell the nurses that you don't want visitors when you are breast feeding. They can help run interference. They do it all the time. Whether it is weird or not to wait and call people is a personal perspective. Just find a way to get on the same page with your husband. Make sure he knows how hormonal you will be and that you'll have just been through A LOT of work and might not want visitors right away.

Best wishes on a wonderful delivery. Things will work out fine, no matter what happens. Enjoy your new blessing.

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I think that having a baby is a personal time between husband and wife and if you are not confortable with having other people around until after the baby is born that is perfectly fine. Nothing weird about that! Call them after the baby has arrived.

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You've gotten a lot of responses, but I just thought I'd add mine. No, it's not wrong to ask them to wait until after your daughter is born. That's is ya'lls time and they need to respect that. You only get to do the birth of your first child once, so treasure that. That's what I did. Although people were there, they stayed in the waiting room. I did have my mom and grandmother in my room while my hubby was out eating lunch, but other than that, it was mostly just me and the hubby. No one came into our room until after we had our time, I got to breast feed for the first time and he had his bath. If they don't want to be bored in the waiting room, then they should either bring something to do, or stay home. Just worry about the job that ya'll have got to do and you'll be fine! Congrats!

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i so so wish i had asked everyone to stay away when i had my baby, having everyone there kind of made the pain worse in a way( i know that doesn't make sense). but if you tell them to stay in the waiting room, and they actually do, you won't really care how boredthey will get

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Not at all...my husband and I have 3 children, ages 9, 5 and 2. Our first child everyone kept coming in and out of the delivery room and they even stayed in there during the delivery. It was very uncomfortable for me, and I wish I would have said something.So with our 2nd and 3rd child we made a plan, we only called our immediately family when we got to the hospital. We informed them that we were there and once I was dialated to a 4 we would call them back so they could come up. However I did have an epidural so I was feeling alright and was okay with my family being in the room. I probably wouldn't have wanyed them in the room if I was delivering natural. I did ask my family to step outside any time my nurse/doctor wanted to do anything. At the time it got to the point where I was about to deliver I asked that all the family go down to the waiting room until I was ready for them to come back into th e room. And we waited until after our babies got comfortable with nursing. I would tell all of the family up front that this is your plan and that your sorry if this offends anyone but you feel that this is in the best interest for you and the baby. Especially with this being ya'lls first child this needs to go as smmoth as possible and having a bunch of people constantly coming in and out is not going allow you to relax and stay stress free. People know that when your having a baby its going to be a long process and there is going to be a lot of waiting (in the waiting room.) And everyone needs to respect that.

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We never called anyone until after the baby was born, but we always lived quite a ways from family.
If you choose to call family when you go in, you can let them know that your husband will call them as soon as the baby is born and let them know when you and the baby are ready for visitors- which will be best if it's a long or stressful labor. You can also let your nurses know that you don't want any visitors and they do a great job of keeping them down at least to a minimum.
It is nice to have someone there if you are there for a while, but I was never comfortable with anyone more than my husband(and of course the dr. and nurses)when the baby was actually delivered.
Be gentle, but firm in your wishes and Congrats!!!!
~C.

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L. - I hope your husband will support you in this. My daughter went through the same thing - it was a nightmare. Her husband's family were there - about 9 of them. The MIL kept walking in and out of the room - even after the doctor/nurse asked them to stay in the waiting room. I stayed out there. My daughter lived out of state and had asked me to be there, so, of course, I went. Her in-laws live in the same city as I. She sent for me a few times and I went back to her room.

This was her first. She was nervous, excited, etc. and she, like you, wanted family time and to nurse, etc. The MIL kept standing by the door and every 5 minutes, she'd open the door and ask how close the pains were.

After Emily was born, the absolutely wouldn't let anyone in for 30 minutes or so. But all the inlaws stood outside the door, just waiting. I kept wishing the husband would say something to them, but he didn't.

When we were allowed back in the room, they were passing Emily around like a sack of potatoes. This went on from 2 until after 9. The MIL brought her to me and said, "Don't you want to hold your first grandchild?" I said, "No, she's been passed around enough, I'll wait until tomorrow." I'm sure she thought I was awful, but I didn't care. The MIL, SIL and the daddy were all there trying to show daughter how to breastfeed. I announced that I was going to the house (we were all staying at their house - daddy was staying in the hospital with mom & baby). When I went over to kiss my daughter, she was close to tears and said, 'thank you mom' .... I told her I'd see her early in the morning. On my way out, I stopped at the nurse's station and told them what was gonig on and my daughter's state of mind. They were NOT happy, so the head nurse (a large unpleasant looking lady) went to the room and took the baby and told the rest of them, 'OK, guys - this new mama needs to rest, I think it's time ya'll left'). When they got to the house, the MIL was mad ... kept talking about it. And I finally said, "you know when my sister and I were born, mother wouldn't let anybody hold us for 2 ro 3 weeks. She said the doctor told her not to - he told her a new baby's skin was very sore after being born - it's like they've been beat all over. They're tired and sore and need to be tended to by the mother alone. So she did that.' Well, the MIL just laughed at it. I was furious. This was the first little baby in 17 years and everyone was excited, but still ... my goodness. I appreciate their attention, but what about the parents - especially the mother and the baby ?

It escalated from there. My daughter went back to work at 6 weeks, her husband wasn't working, so he cared for the baby. Shortly after, they moved back to Texas and stayed with the inlaws for several months. Again, daughter worked, husband didn't. He and his mother cared for the baby. When my daughter attempted to 'mother' her, hubby & MIL would tell her, 'that's not right, you do it this way,' etc. It took months and months for her to really bond with the baby. And, of course, she gave up on breastfeeding. They wouldn't even leave her alone long enough to do that.

I wished I'd had the guts to just tell them to back off. It was so hard on my daughter.

So, when she got pregnant with their 2nd child, she told his family up front (AND in front of daddy) - 'this is MY baby and I don't want anyone at the hospital. We'll call when we're ready for company.' She had told him she was going to do that. He thought it was selfish and rude, but she had her mind made up. She told himi if they acted right, it wouldn't have been a big deal, but now, when they have the 'rooming in' thing, there are no boundaries, so it's left up to the mom/dad. And nobody wants to hurt anyone's feelings.

I wish they still had restricted visiting hours.

You can talk to your doctor/nurse, etc. and ask them to restrict the company if your husband doesn't want to. It's not about them - it's about YOU and your baby.

Tell hubby to plese help you and not be part of the problem. The inlaws are going to have LOTS OF TIME to spoil the baby.

You are NOT being weird or selfish!

Good luck.

They got a little irritated, but

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Strange... I just realized I never thought about this before our kids were born, and it was never an issue. My mom lived out of town at the time, but my inlaws were here and no one assumed they were invited. We ended up having 2 c-sections, but with my first, my water broke and I went into labor at 2am, so no one got a call until after the c-section was done and the baby was here.

Are you sure everyone is thinking they're attending the birth? Is there a precedence for this in your family? Maybe you'll luck out and it will be a non-issue : )

Either way, do what's comfortable for you.

Good Luck!
www.familyeguide.com Guide to affordable family activities in Lewisville, Flower Mound, Highland Village and the surrounding communities.

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I kind of felt the same way mostly with my in-laws. I really wanted my parents there (my mom); however, didn't feel comfortable with my in-laws b/c I was going to be in a hospital gown, trying to breastfeed after, etc. However, I couldn't just tell my parents and not my in-laws. It was not as bad as I feared. In fact, I enjoyed the company and was on a baby high. However, you really just have to do what is right for your family and if this is what you feel comfortable with then go for it. Any reasonable person will understand. Also, you cannot not predict how you feel that day so maybe just decide the day of the birth. You don't have to make any decisions righ now. Good luck!

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I would suggest prepping the family before hand with your wishes for the day. Be up front and tell them that you'd like the birth and first hour or so to be a special time for you, your spouse and baby. You can also call the grandparents-to-be when you leave for the hospital and reiterate that you will call them as soon as the baby is born, the at that time you all can set up a visiting schedule so that everyone can have some one on one time with the baby and you aren't overwhelmed by a room full of visitors. Also let them know that when you're feeding or being examined that no one but hubby is allowed in the room. People are pretty understanding if you're straight forward with them.

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I see you have lots of responses, but I wanted to add mine too. I've waited for lots of friends babies and hated it, so I knew I didn't want people hanging out in the waiting room and coming in and out of my room. I made this abundantly clear to everyone starting in March (I delivered in September too). No one liked it. My mom's feelings were hurt. My sister-in-law said it was her baby, so she could come sit and wait if she wanted to. In the end, we called both sets of parents and told them when I was being induced (10am on a Friday), and that we would call with details once the baby was born (which we did at midnight). We let a few other friends know as well, and they all respected our wishes whether they liked it or not. Well, except my mother-in-law who got engaged that night and HAD to come to the hospital and into my room to tell us. I was livid. Two years later, I'm still upset about it.

Not sure what we'll do if we have a second child, since we would have to leave our daughter with someone. But I enjoyed knowing that all of my husband's attention was focused on me and not people in the waiting room. Are there still some hard feelings? On my part, yes... and I think my mom still wishes she was there with me, but I wouldn't have wanted her or my MIL in the room anyway, so it was easier keeping everyone away. Do what YOU want. Take those first few hours to be a family of 3... it's time you'll never get back. And the grandparents will love the child just as much whether they hold him 2 hours or 12 hours after he is born.

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we are having a home birth and we are doing just what you are doing. we are having the important support people here when i am in labor and waiting to call people until AFTER the whole event is done. the idea being, if you dont tell them you are in labor, they wont show up. in my opinion, having a baby is a very private, personal, intimate thing and you cant do it when you are being watched and waited on. kinda like going to the bathroom, you couldnt do that if you knew your whole family was waiting outside the door or kept popping in to see you. you need to have your space, time and attention for your new family. hope that helps. :)

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it's up to you! some docs limit the amount of people in the room anyways. as for them being bored, they will realize that babies take time to be born, so let them deal with that.

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You have every right to decide when you want people to come to the hossy to see you. I did not want people (family or friends) at the hospital while I was in labor. We started telling everyone well in advance we didn't want visitors. My mom is 8 hours away, she already had a plane ticket for 2 weeks after I was to be induced, so that was no problem. I just didn't want the in-laws camping out in my room all day! In the end the only people that came were close friends, a day or two after I delivered.

It is nerve wracking to have people there waiting. My aunt was there when I had my second (we asked her since we needed help with our older son). I had a c-section that time though.

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L., I'm sure you will receive lots of opinions on this matter, so before I get started, I would say do whatever is comfortable for you. There is no right and wrong when it comes to having babies! :) I, myself, have had 4 children. Had C-sections with all four, so I didn't have the experience of having people in the labor/delivery room, but by baby #4, everyone came after baby was born. However, I love babies and I love my friends and try to be at the hospital whenever one of my friends is having a new baby. People want to be there to "support" you and welcome the new bundle into the world. It has been my experience (even as recently as 10 days ago), that hospitals won't allow a bunch of people in and out of the room during your labor and delivery. In fact, they usually will limit the people in the room to one or two people of your choosing. This is because the doctor's and nurses need room to work without working around visitors. People that are there to support you, your husband and new baby are perfectly aware that it might take a while before the wee one comes. Don't worry about if they're bored. You have much bigger fish to fry. Most visitors that are staying for the duration will bring stuff to occupy them, or watch the tv's in the waiting rooms. You will have time to nurse and be with baby for a little bit without too much interruption from family during the first 24 hours. Nurses do a go job of making sure that new mommies and babies have plenty of private time to get acquainted. Surely your family and visitors will remember that you need your rest and will only stay long enough to see that you and baby are okay and beautiful and then will "sceedaddle" so you can rest! Don't worry about it! You'll be great! (and probably too preoccupied to even care about all this when the day finally arrives).

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Oh - such a hard thing to think about and the birth of babies is so emotional...for everyone. No matter your decision, someone may have their feelings hurt, or you may have your vision altered. Sounds like you are a 'pleaser' and worry quite alot how other people are feeling -- a true mom in the making ;) but this can get tiring...and your feelings can often get pushed aside.

We planned for everyone to be called as I went into labor with my first child...but I labored overnight and my family started their Monday morning off with a wonderful phone call announcing their newest grandchild (the first for my side.) With our second I labored quite sometime at home so most of our family knew the baby was on his way...my mom ended up being there because we were at her house for a short time before heading to the hospital.

With our twins, yes twins, it was a c-section after going into labor. Nothing was planned but family showed up and waited. I didn't care much, plus I was quite nervous about the surgery so it was nice to know people were right there!

These decisions are even harder to make if family dynamics make it difficult for some family members to be in the same room. So - my advice would be to take a deep breath. Try to really understand what this all means TO YOU! Try to remove yourself from making sure everyone else is happy. In the end, it's your baby's birth story and if family is caught up in hurt feelings because they were invited (or not invited), those issues are theirs - not yours to carry. If your intent is to have a safe, happy & healthy labor & birth for you and your baby then your decision is coming from a place of love and mothering...and if someone gets angry over that...well, that shouldn't be your problem, right?!

What do you think about telling everyone that you don't mind that they come but they won't get to see the baby right away as you and your husband want some bonding time, and time to have that first attempt at breastfeeding? Perhaps you can call them once your daughter arrives and they could be making their way to the hospital while your taking care of those precious first hours. It's completely logic that you would want this time to yourself, your husband and new baby! Kudos to you!!

My two cents. Take it or leave it. Best of luck to you -- what an exciting time!!

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You have a lot of responses and you may already have one like this. But, if you do have people waiting with you at the hospital and you want them out of the room, or if you want some time alone with your husband and new baby after the birth, you can always ask your nurse to be the bad guy and make the people leave. This way you won't have to worry about hurting anyones feelings. They may think that it is just hospital policy.
Congrats and best of luck.

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Personal opinion. I loved having everyone there waiting. My mom was the communicator, so when I was an 7-8 she made all the phone calls so my siblings weren't waiting all day. It was fun to have my hubby go out into the waiting room and tell them the sex/weight/height. They don't come running in right away either. My husband just said they are bonding and came back out when we were ready, which really wasn't too much longer. I couldn't imagine not having them there, but apparently I'm the odd ball on this site.

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My niece had the same situation. She had her mother (not a very good relationship) her mother in law (not a good relationship) her step mom (again not good) and my mom and I who basically raised her. She wanted her hubby and me and my mom but didn't want to hurt feelings, so she just told everyone that in order not to play favorites or hurt anyone's feelings, she was just going to have her and hubby in the room for the special occasion. She told them that it was up to them whether they came to the hospital during the birth but when it got time to "get down to business" they would all have to leave the room. She did enjoy everyone coming in and out, taking her mind off the contractions, but then she told everyone it was time to go and they all left. She also told them that after he was born and it was time for the 1st breastfeeding that only her and hubby would be in the room, so she wouldn't be nervous or anything. So I don't think it hurts anything at all to just be frank and let evryone know how you feel and I wouldn't worry about them being bored in the waiting room. But speaking of being bored,lol, sometimes when labor is long it's kind of nice to have people in and out talking and joking. It does take your mind off the contractions.

Also my daughter had a similar situation in that she didn't mind so much everyone coming to the hosp for the occasion, but she told everyone that while she and baby were in the hospital, that no one would be allowed to hold him. She just told them they would have to wait until he was a few days old and home to be able to hold him. She did make an exception for me because I was going home in a few days. But everyone else had to wait until she got home.

Good luck and congrats.

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I'm sure other people have already said so, but NO, it's not weird. You need time to bond with the baby alone with your husband after he/she is born! I wish I would have gotten that time when my twins were born, people were in my delivery room before I came back from having my C-section, and moved to my postpartum room. It was just all kind of hectic. Some people like it, but if they want to see and you're comfortable with it, I mean, you can tape it for them.

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First of all congratulations on your upcoming birth. I say do what you and your husband are comfortable with. Both mine and my husbands families were there when I was in labor with my oldest daughter and for the first few hours of labor it was okay, but then I got agitated and wanted them out. I asked my doctor to be the "bad guy" so he told them that they needed to wait in the waiting room and he would keep them posted on progress, which he did and of course they were all very agreeable. I'm sure your family like mine is just so excited about this birth that they want to be as much a part of it as possible. I did the same when they brought my daughter to me for the first time, I just told everyone that I wanted a little time for just the three of us. We took about 20 minutes to ourselves and then let everyone back in and the holding and picture taking began! :) Best wishes for happy, healthy birth.

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I don't think it's strange or rude to limit the time at the hospital. When I had my first son I asked the family to please limit the time to give us time to bond and get used to having the baby. It is a time that you get to know your baby and learn more about his/her care.

If this is your choice, then speak to the family BEFORE the birth and let them know your wishes. I did, and it worked out fine. Everyone hung out in the waiting room and every once in a while one or two would drop by briefly to get a status check. After my son was born everyone came in to see him and then left (it helped that it was late at night). Same for when we were in the hospital afterwards. It worked great for us and there seemed to be no hurt feelings. Another great help is to let your delivery nurse know your wishes. Our's (for both births) were good at limiting visiting time and getting people out when necessary.

As far as them getting bored, don't worry about that. Our families visited and had a fine time waiting!! You shouldn't be worrying about that anyway, you are having a baby not planning a party!!

Do what you (and your husband) want to do and don't let anyone push you into anything that you don't want. This is the beginning of your family and you have to do it your way! Congrats!

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This is you and your baby's show! Don't let anyone else run it including your husband. The birth plan you desire gives you the most comfort and security so you can ease the stress during this vulnerable time. People know that birth can take some time, so don't worry about the people in the waiting room. They have chosen to be a part of an unpredictable situation. Also, the bonding time that you need with your husband and baby is crucial immediately after birth. If you think your husband won't be able to honor your wishes fearing he would hurt his family's feelings, hire a doula. It will be her job to make sure your wishes are honored, because you won't be in any position to be issuing your requests. Your family will be invited in when YOU are ready. Why not write down your birth plan so the family can be aware of how you envision the birth. Be sure to tell them that you want them to be part of this wonderful event so you wanted them to know before the baby arrives. This way they will feel like they are part of the experience and not necessarily "booted-out". Hope this helps! God Bless your growing family!

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is not weird i never have a family with me until i get home the family show up i think is a family time where you you husband and you baby bond .

i just went to the hospital with my husband and call my family to let them know and then call again when i get home and let them know they can see the baby usually happen the day after i get home because the first day i just want to rest.

hope this help you:):)

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You have gotten some really great advice from the wonderful moms out there. I just want to add a litlle something. I definately agree that this is your moment, but this baby is a new addition to your FAMILY (the whole family). Yes, people are going to be excited and that excitement will make them want to be there for every little thing. Just set limits before the big day. Let everyone know your wishes and that you appreciate all their support and love. Just think of this as just another part of your birth plan. If you are worried about someone coming in during labor, say something to the staff prior, and they will help you out. They are there for you, not your mother or mother-in-law, or even any sisters. As far as being bored in the waiting room, trust me, there is plenty for them to do and/or talk about. If they are bored, they are adults. They can leave, if they want. First babies are always stressful for everyone, but you need to be as calm as possible to make this as easy as possible. With my first, my husband and I were very clear that we only wanted us in there and my family was fine with it. However, my son was rushed to the NICU at another hospital by Careflight. My husband left to be with him and I was VERY glad that my mother was there to be with me because I could not go with him. With my other two, both were so fast that there was no time for anyone to be there until after. Just be honest with the families. Good luck and remember, its your choice.

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In the end, it is up to you and it is your experience. But I think the easiest thing to do is express how you feel about their long wait and leave it up to them. Don't fret for one minute how bored they might be.. everyone knows that is the case, they know it could take forever and even after the baby is born, they may not get to see him/her. My baby had a fever so nobody could see or hold her, but they still all went up to the viewing window to see her. It is important to some people to feel like they are there when the baby is born.. makes them feel apart of things if you will. It is an exciting time.. frankly, I think it might be a little disappointing to you and especially your husband not to be able to go out to the waiting room and tell his/your family that the baby is born! He/she is beautiful! Mommy and baby are doing great... or show some pictures from the digital camera screen. It is special for everyone.. I have been in the waiting room several times, it is exciting, long, but so special. It sucks to be at home waiting for a call.. you want to be there, show your support and love for the new family member. I have been there at 3am and at 9am and at 2pm.. I had my baby at 9pm.. so in my opinion, let everyone decide for themselves and don't even give it a thought to what they are doing or going through, they can leave if they want.. you worry about your delivery and your new baby! Congrats and goodluck!

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ABSOLUTELY NOT! Baby, this is YOUR baby. YOU arew the mother. Therefore, we will all do it YOUR way. End of conversation...

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With both of our children we waited to call people in until I was able to breastfeed and get time alone with them! And both of our kids were born in the middle of the night! I wouldn't worry about people being bored, most people understand that it could take a long time for labor and birth! Just do what you feel comfortable with and don't worry about other people! This is YOUR time and YOUR baby! Good luck and congratulations!

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L., my personal opinion is this is your family's time, and by that, I mean you, your husband and your new baby. If you would prefer not to have people at the hospital, then that is the way it should be. You will never get this time back. You are not being selfish. You can call people to let them know you are going to the hospital and that you will let them know when you are all comfortable having visitors. That is just my two cents.

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Definitely not weird and now a days almost all delivery rooms/hospitals will only allow one or two people with you during delivery. Most likely your hospital is one of them so just tell all your family that you are only allowed one person in the room with you until after delivery. This way your not the 'bad guy'...the hospital is. ; )

I was the exact same way, especially for my first child. Congrats and good luck!

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It is not wrong, and don't worry about them. Who gets all the pain and anxiety associated with childbirth--you!
With our first child, we decided on the way to the hospital that we really wanted some stress-free FAMILY time. So, we didn't call anyone until after the baby was born. It was really nice to just focus on getting the baby out, having some time to ourselves, and being able to relax and breastfeed without being interrupted by family and friends, and feeling as though I had to "entertain" after 32 hours in labor.
It is unusual not to tell everyone, but I have to say that it is quite nice to have that recovery time.

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Let everyone know when you go and then call when you are actually dialated to 5-6 cnt. If they want to be there a long time that is their choice. Also letting them in your room for a time and then asking everyone to leave is appropriate whenever you want to.
We helped her pass the time until she wanted some quiet to concentrate and stand up and rock in her husbands arms or listen to quite music and try to nap or whatever. Then we get to go in whenever things are really underway and the doctor is setting up, etc. After she is born, a few minutes to see or hold is fine before you send them out for privacy to nurse for the first time.
I am in there along with the MIL and sister in laws through the birth. Even the Dad and one older son witnessed the last one, and it is awesome. But we respect when it is time to leave. Then we go back later.
Doctors also ask any to leave if they need more space or in emergency situations. Letting some witness is a wonderful sharing of a God given baby and treasured for ever. I am so blessed to have been in the room for the last 3 of 5 of her births, so far. We feel closer and so awed by the whole experience and to ba allowed to be a part of it is great!

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Talk to your Doctor and the Hospital about it. They are very good about keeping people out without hurting their feelings. They even allowed us about 15 minutes, with just my Husband and baby before they broke the new to the Grandparents.

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You know what? This is your time to have your baby with your husband... There are so many things to stress about, this should not be one of them. Just be honest with your family and tell them, "You are welcome to come to the hospital, but I don't know how long it is going to take and I prefer not to have anyone in your room until I am ready." Who knows when that will be! Maybe you will see your mother and HAVE to have her by your side. It is perfectly ok to do things they way YOU want them to be. You are not trying to hurt anyone's feelings, you just don't feel comfortable with it, end of story.

I didn't want pictures, video or anything... I just wanted to enjoy the experience with my husband and remember it in my head. I didn't want anyone seeing me in that state, nor did I want documentation of it! With my first child I went to the hospital at an 8 and quickly got to 10, and they wouldn't give me meds... I am thankful that NO ONE saw that performance!!!

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We had our baby at Dallas Presby and they have a good policy that promotes privacy and independence before and during labor. I think alot will depend on the compassion and understanding of the family members, too. Our families understood that my wife was in charge and she dictated who and when she wanted to see anybody. Nobody should feel they are entitled to visit you in the room just because they came to the hospital, and vice-versa. You've only got one priority one that day, and it's not tending to your visitors and being a "hostess"!

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I waited and it was fine. I thought this was what I wanted. I however now look back and think that having family in the waiting room might have been nice( not in the labor room with me though) You won't be breast feeding right away. When you do you could ask your family to step out so that you can have this time with your husband and new baby.

My son came on Christmas morning at 12:50 a.m. so actually my family probably was just fine not being there. LOL!

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L.,

I have 3 kids of my own, and for each delivery, I made it clear beforehand that the only person to be in the L&D room with me was my husband. There is already a lot going on with your L&D nurse going in and out, your doctor, and the newborn nursery team that is in there to clean the baby, weigh it and etc. Not to mention that you just don't want more people than necessary to see you in that possition. Just let everyone know that they are welcome to wait in the waiting room if they want to wait for who knows how long. What we did was make a list of who wanted to be called when we arrived at the hospital and who wanted to be called when the baby was actually here. The first time my mom and a friend did end up coming to the hospital half way through and waiting in the waiting room. All were respectful of my wishes, and for the most part we would be calling some of the same people twice, once when we got there and once when the baby arrived. It makes it nice when they wait until the baby is here before coming up because that gives you and your husband time to bond with the baby uninterupted.

Good Luck and Congrats!!
A.

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NOPE! First, second, third, fourteenth... the birth of a child is always special and you always need that bondingtime for the three of you. And you certainly don't have to have people in and out of labor while you go through what is the most personal thing you could go through as a woman.

One way to get around not having everyone in the waiting room is to simply discuss with your hubby that you would feel very ucomfortable with people waiting like that and you are afraid that that would take your focus off of labor.

If he feels weird b/c he thinks people will be angry with him, teh he can simply tell people as he calls them that there simply wasn't time to call and that he has been wrapped up with you in labor for hours. Of course, those calls wouldn't go out until you have had time to bond as a family!

You have to do waht is right for you and your family now. It isn't simply you and hubby anymore. You have an innocent unsuspecting baby now and you have to be his first defense! :-) Do what you feel is right and not what you think will make other feel comfortable.

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Hi, I felt the same way. I had a scheduled c-section and didn't tell anyone about it (even my husband-because I knew he couldn't keep a secret). On the morning of the c-section, I got up, woke my husband up and acted as if it were a surprise and we needed to go to the hospital so that way he never had a chance to call his mom. We called everyone after she was born and then they were allowed to come visit. People mean well but they just don't always think logically. I had family bring all their kids to my room and stay for hours on end.

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L.,
I felt EXACTLY the same way when I delivered my daughter last November. My family thought I was nuts, but my husband and I were on the same page. I am a very modest person and I really didn't want anyone else to be involved in such an intimate moment in my life. Call us selfish, but my husband and I were so happy we handled it the way we did. My water broke at midnight. I was admitted to the hospital at about 4 am. I didn't deliver my daughter until 7:15 pm that night---even after being administered Pitocin (against my will!) We called friends and family that night, and they came to visit the next morning. We too had time to bond with our daughter and breastfeed without an audience.

My only regret---I really hurt my parent's feelings. They really wanted to get a call from me when I went into labor so they could come to the hospital and be in the waiting room---as support. I suppose that would have been okay, but it still wasn't our wish. If they had been there, my husband would have had to go back and forth to the waiting room to keep them updated about the labor & delivery INSTEAD of being with me.

Just wanted you to know---you are completely normal. You do not and should not have to have an audience for this special time unless that is what you want! Remember---you only have one chance to make this birth what you want it to be!

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First babies are notorious for not coming on time. So the earliest you could "call" people is after the doctor says you are completely dilated. Right? Even then it could be a day before she is born. So why not wait until she is actually born to call people? The hospital should have some rules about letting visitors see your new-born.
My own situation was different in that I was the sick one. Even though my sister came when husband called to say Gwen born, the hospital got really mean that she came to my room. Scolded me, even tho no one EVER told me I was not to have visitors. So discuss your concerns with OB/GYN and see if he has rules or suggestions.

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The last thing you need to worry about right now is if other people are bored while you're giving birth! You have the right to invite or not invite people into your room. Good luck and it will be ok!

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Everyone that has said you need to do what is comfortable for you, is correct. Let me give you some more food for thought, that I don't think has been mentioned here. Having anyone in the labor and delivery room, (and sometimes just waiting in the waiting room) can actually hinder and slow down your labor! When you are laboring you need to feel safe, secure and comfortable. When somebody comes in the room that makes you feel like you can't move in the way you want, or make certain sounds (whatever), your body goes into that 'fight or flight mode', and this basically stops the natural oxytocin that causes contractions and they can space out, or even stop. So having people come in and out, can make labor longer!

For the people please, a person might also be concerned about those waiting in the waiting area. She might feel bad that they haven't been invited in the labor room, or she might just feel bad that they have waited for so long out there. This can lead to things like augmentation (Pitocin), or other 'hurry up' methods that you might otherwise hold out on. Some mother's feel so badly for those waiting that she starts to worry, and then her contractions slow down. This leads to needing Pitocin, which leads you down a whole other cascade of interventions. (Pitocin can cause stress on the baby, which sometimes leads to a cesarean).

With that in mind, wouldn't be better for both you and the baby, if you waited to call everybody? Unless you get comfortable with the idea of people waiting in the waiting room really soon, you might want to convince your husband that calling family after delivery is what you would like to do. Or at the very least have one person with a list of numbers, and call that person when you are pushing. Just let them know nobody is coming in to see the mom or baby for a while. If it's in the middle of the night, you are going to want to sleep as well, so you may not want to call anyone until morning anyway! Good luck!

~The birth teacher (and doula)

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L.,

Your husband is wrong!! Is is NOT weird to wait to call people when the baby is born. In fact, it is quite normal. You two are the parents, so you two call the shots - not your family members! You get more input than your husband does, since YOU are the one who is giving birth and will need time to recover. So what if you hurt their feelings? They will get over it, and if they don't, it is their problem, not yours! The last thing you need is family members lurking around when you are trying to bond with your baby, breastfeed your baby, and recover from birth! Remember, you call the shots! Good luck!

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We did this with our second child...mostly because we didn't want our 3 year old stuck in a waiting room. It worked out fine. No one was offended in the least. They were able to come in and see the baby without getting booted out so I could breastfeed, clean up, etc. I wish we had thought to do that with our first. Since our family knew my wishes to be alone with my hubby they stayed patiently in the waiting room...they got there at 6 a.m. when I was induced...the baby didn't come until 5 p.m.

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With our first baby we did not tell anyone I was in labor until after he was born that way no one showed up. You can do that or just make sure they know your wishes and also tell the nursing staff you do not want anyone but your husband in the room during labor and delivery. After you have your family time your husband can go and tell those who have chosen to wait the child has arrived. Since they know your wishes if they decide to sit in the waiting room and are bored too bad. You need to worry more about the birth of your child and less about who will be bored. If you are worried about hurting people's feelings, I can only tell you that if anyone else had been in the room while I was in labor I would have hurt their feelings. If your husband thinks it is weird not to have other people there ask him why he wants all of your private parts displayed to others. Ask him if he will agree to be naked from the waist down during the process with others in the room. If that does not seem weird to him you might have other issues to address.

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i'm a labor and delivery nurse and deal with this stuff all the time. i think your wishes are completely valid!! in fact, whatever you want, you are the boss! this is your baby, and this is your labor experience. if you want this to be more of a private experience (personally i agree with that) than a big party atmosphere, i encourage you to go with it and tell everyone about your plans ahead of time. or if you haven't told anyone when you are delivering (if you have something scheduled), what a lot of people do is they dont even let anyone know they are in the hospital until after the baby is born and they are ready for visitors. some people even wait til they get home to let people know they delivered. people are really excited for you but they often overstep their bounds, and with you trying to bond with your first child, you need time and space, and dont need to worry about offending anyone. everyone might not agree with your views or be happy about them, but this is all about you and your child. they will be fine. congratulations!

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First of all, you should go tour the hospital. They will tell you what the policy is for visitors. Ours was that only 2 people could come back at a time. Second, you can always tell everyone that you'll be happy to have visitors after you guys get settled in the room, but that you want some family time first. And no, it's not weird. I sent everyone a letter letting them know about the hospital policy on visitrs, where to park, etc, and spelling out very clearly that we'll call you when we're ready. Also, keep in mind that your feelings might change a bit afterward. I know mine did- I let people in alot sooner than I thought I would!

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No its not weird. But people will show up anyway - You DO NOT have to have them in the room with you. All you have to do is tell the nurse you don't want anyone in the room with you. It was hard for me to tell my mother to get out, but I was having a hard time and it was distracting. We didn't have anyone there during the second delivery. We called when we were taken to a regular room.

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From my experience...my sister-in-law did this with her children & I'll tell you from my mom's stand point...she was offended. It's hard for the father's parents to feel a part of the birth, but lets face it it's the mom's really going through it all. My families point of view was what if (heaven forbid) something happen then you do not have your family there to support you. I didn't worry about the wait time...they'll keep themselves busy & everyone know it's out of your control...part of it.
Good luck with the birth!

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You should do what you feel most comfortable with. You are the one going through giving birth, not your husband and not family and friends. My parents were there when I was in labor with my first child and it was a little uncomfortable being in such pain and feeling like I had to grin and bear it. With my second, I decided that we would call everyone after the birth and it worked out so much better. The birth was easier and I felt much more relaxed. Who wants to wait around a hospital for hours waiting for a baby to be born anyway? Most of my family and friends have not had visitors until after the birth was over either, so your not alone in wanting this. Don't worry about anyone's feelings, but your own right now. I wouldn't even mention it to anyone. Just go to the hospital when it's time and call everyone after. Congratulations!

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This is a personal decision and you need to do what YOU feel is best for YOU. Someone somewhere will get feelings hurt and that is just how it is. This is your time with your new baby.

As for me, I did not want people around at all. I was induced, therefore, I told no one I was going to the hospital until after baby was born and we settled in.

Some may call me selfish for that, but I did what was best for my family. It is a personal decision. I didn't want any extra drama.

Best wishes to you.

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I didn't read all your responses, so someone may have said this. I really wish I would have done this when I was in labor w/ my first. I ended up with a c-section after 22 hours of labor, including an hour of pushing. I think the stress of my family in and out all day contributed to that. W/ my 2nd, we only had a few family members in town, but told them we would call them when he was born. I think you need to focus and let your body labor. If you have interuptions, you could have complications. Good luck!

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It's your show and you know what you're comfortable with. Consider it a part of your birth plan but one that you can change at any time if you want. I personally wanted privacy after my son was born and I don't think there's anything wrong with that.

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No, it is not. We did not have any family with us when we had our second child. They came several hours after he was born. My husband total understood how I felt and was fine that I did not want anyone else there, but us. It was really nice just having the two of us there. I hope that helps.

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It's not wrong or weird at all. Only my husband was in the labor room, my brother-in-law and sister-in-law were in town for our 1st son's birth and we called them after all was said and done and then they came up. With my second son, my oldest stayed with friends, since we don't have family here, and then they brought him up after the baby was born. By the time they got to the hospital they were moving me to my post-partum room and the baby was getting observed in the nursery.
If you're going to breastfeed then the process is: they wiped the baby off did the APGAR, weighed and diapered them they brought them to me to start breastfeeding and gave us about an hour to hang out with them before taking them to the nursery for bathing etc. It's quite ok to want that 1st hour to yourselves! Besides they will be doing your clean up etc in the process and I'm sorry but I just didn't want to be flashing ALL my stuff to my whole family at the time even if they lived in town.

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You deserve your privacy. So what if feelings get hurt, this is your time and you need to take it now otherwise people will bulldoze right over you. YOU are the one having the baby, not your husband, Let him push out a 7lb solid out of his body and see how he likes entertaining after...because that is what it is to these people, entertainment. Your husbands needs to be on your side now.

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I did not tell anyone that I had gone into labor. Not until I was home from the hospital did I have anyone come and visit. Although I did not stay more than 24hours after the delivery at the hospital before I came home. I was able to have natural childbirth with out any family members voicing there opinions. I had time to bond and breastfeed my child with out feeling uncomfortable. I was able to relax. At home you are able to go to another room to nurse if you need to at the hospital you do it in front of everyone or ask them to leave ( not all babies are very cooperative and it takes some time for both of you to learn) . Many mothers are also exhausted from delivery and need some time to nap and not feel like they have to entertain the guest. You are also very hormonal after giving birth, ( I was in a great mood kind of a high but not all women are). I think that you should do what you are comfortable with. Remember if you do not want every one in the room but do not want to tell them to leave let your nurse know and she will make them leave the room and they will not know that if was coming from you. You are the one in charge. Hope that you have a wonderful birth experience.

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Absolutely not. When I delivered my daughter it was chaotic. i had both sets of grandparents in my room. wait a day or later on in the day depending on when u deliver. This a private bonding time for you bsby and hubby. hubby might not understand this a deeply personal time 4 you and baby. God Bless, N.

Tell your husband to lay down on the bed, strip off all his clothes and let the relatives come over and check out his size. Your don't need the pressure of trying to make people happy when you're having your baby. It may take a while and it is very personal because you won't be clothed.

Remember, it "takes a village" to raise a child. These are the same people you will call upon when you need help....and unless you are bionic, you will need help somewhere along the way. The birthing of the child is between you, your husband and yourself. As soon as the child has arrived, call everyone and tell them of the happy occasion. Tell them that you are recovering and would love to have them come visit TOMORROW or whenever. As long as you are excited about the baby and make them feel that you have thought of them in the process, they will be just fine.

I was the same way..i'm like one of those people that is like too nice sometimes and didn't want to hurt people's feelings. But seriously I called my mom and then my husband called his mom and then we just asked that people just wait. When your in labor your so uncomfortable and in pain and believe me you don't want everyone there it gets really akward. my mom showed up which was fine but she invited my friend and then it was just like i felt like i had to entertain them and i was in so much pain. So just be selfish...its your day and the baby's and just tell people you want to be alone with your husband and maybe like whoever else you want in the room and that you know they can come after. and even after you will have to be up front with people becuase you will be SO TIRED!

It is up to you and hubby who to have in the room and how many...he thinks it is wierd? Who has he been talking to?
If you want it less hectic while your in labor...then he needs to be considerate. And the other moms in the waiting room will understand. Unless they wanted all to be in the room when they were yelling their heads off. *my step mom thought I should be cussing out the father*. And the first time you breast feed. Only the dad and grandmother may need to see. It is not for all of the world to see the first few times you do it. After all, when your in public..you will be covered with a blanket. The first few times are a time to get the latching process going. Not a show for an audience. Talk to your husband, it is not weird to not want everyone in and out of the room when in labor, and when your nursing. He will have his chance to talk, but it is your decision as a whole. Your going to be moody as it is (depending on the intensity of the labor) and don't want
a big audience. Telling him he is in it the whole time you are will be the support you need. And knowing your mom is in the waiting room will help to. You don't need Dad and the brothers and uncles popping in when your not decent.
And I am a mother of three.