44 answers

Is It Wrong for You or Your Spouse to Open One Anothers Mail?

I was curious to this concept. At this moment I don't find it right to open one anothers mail as we are going though a divorce, but when things are all fine and dandy at home, is it right for one or the other to opens their spouses mail?

I ask this because I have before opened packages my husband would get in the mail I pretty much knew what were in them, and like to tell him what he did get. I never opened personal mail though like letters and such, only bills and such.

Only thing is, now that I we are getting a divorce, he hasn't wanted me to get a lawyer, saying they will turn things around on me such, so it screws up any plans we had for any agreement with him. Or something to that extent. He took a letter, sent to me from legal aid like place, with the application I needed to fill out. Now I may never have gotten this lawyer, but I wanted to make sure I had some one to contact or try and get one, till I found out he took it. Found it hidden behind his papers for the divorce, in some folder of his, in the car. Yeah I was snooping, while I was cleaning it out, but good thing I did, because he had opened my mail and taken it from me. It had been sent at least a week or two before I found it. I never seen it. Never opened it myself. So he had to have taken it.

So is he justified for opening it since we are married, or is it still wrong. I am sure he and many can say since I opened some things of his that it was only fair, but that was when we were getting along, this is in the middle of the whole divorce proceedings.

Mind you I got the help I needed so need to tell me to get it, just asking about the mail part.

What can I do next?

Featured Answers

It is one thing to open each others mail when you are married. Totally wrong when you are going thru a divorce. Maybe a po box is what you need for the time being and then he will not have access to anything.

3 moms found this helpful

I open everything that comes into this house, cards, junk everything. I don't mind if my husband opens something unless he opens it and it's a bill and doesn't put it in the right spot. Which he has done and has had an earful about! :) But I do the fiances and all that stuff so it only makes sense!! When we got his new computer via USP I waited for him to open it cause it was like a present :)

Now if we were going through a divorce each others would be completely off limits.

2 moms found this helpful

I always open the boring junk (bills, junk, etc) but I do let him get to open cards/letters from his family or friends. Not because I "need" to but because that would be taking away the fun of opening something good. He doesn't open my mail....but only because he doesn't open any mail unless I specifically hand it to him.
Going through a divorce, even if it's still "legal", I would say it's a no-no to open mail unless it's a joint bill (electric, cable, etc).

2 moms found this helpful

More Answers

It is one thing to open each others mail when you are married. Totally wrong when you are going thru a divorce. Maybe a po box is what you need for the time being and then he will not have access to anything.

3 moms found this helpful

It is a federal offense to withhold mail from an adult recipient. You might want to talk to your lawyer about this and decide if you want to file a complaint.

Married folks have different understandings about what sorts of mail can be opened by the other, and for what reasons. They generally agree about it, and then it's okay. In this case, it seems your husband was deliberately trying to limit your choices and control you, and that is simply wrong.

3 moms found this helpful

just get a po box, he will do it again weather it's morally right or wrong. PS once my man and I moved in mail was open to the person who checked it ... never know what is important to read right away. If it seemed really personal I would call tell him who the sender is and go from there.

2 moms found this helpful

i open it if it looks like a bill (b/c I pay the bills) but just leave it on the counter if it looks personal. i also will call him a t work and let him know a package arrived and ask if he wants me to open it. It's about respect.

As you now know - you need to protect yourself from your hubby.. get a p.o. box AND your own lawyer.

2 moms found this helpful

We open each other's mail all the time.
In your case though....I don't think he was justified. When I went through my divorce we didn't read each others mail. I made a pile for my ex of all his letters and stuff, and he could pick it up when we agreed.
Good Luck.

2 moms found this helpful

I don't think opening it is what is wrong with the situation...it is the fact that he hid your mail from you that is the problem. I open my husband's mail if I know what it is...bills, for instance and I have no problem if he opens my mail. But, we are happily married. If we were in the middle of divorce proceedings I would get a PO box.

2 moms found this helpful

I think the point here is to obey the wishes of the person who's name is on the mail........My husband and I open each others mail whenever we feel like it because we have told each other it's ok. If you told him it's not ok, then he should respect that.......and him hiding it is definetly no OK!!!

2 moms found this helpful

Oh, please, don't let this man take you for a ride! Get a lawyer for God's sake!

And please let go of any worries about going through his papers or opening the mail! When you are married to someone, there shouldn't be secrets. I have opened my husband's mail since we got back from our honeymoon. If he were to get any mail that he wouldn't want me to see, there would be WWIII in our house. And he is welcome to open all my mail as well.

When there is nothing to hide, no one should be upset about the family mail being opened by either spouse. If there IS something to hide, then shame on them!!!!

He STOLE your mail and that is not the same as both parties opening mail that comes to your house. That is what is wrong, D.. He stole your mail. Has nothing to do with opening it.

Don't trust your husband from now on in the divorce proceedings. Get ALL your ducks together and don't let him screw you. And if there is something that comes to you that pertains to your side of the divorce, use a different address for it to go to. For all intents and purposes, you aren't married anymore.

Good luck!
The other D.

2 moms found this helpful

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