62 answers

Is It Too Soon to Get Ready for Baby?

Okay, so, a discussion my husband and I are frequently having is it's too soon to get things ready for the arrival of our son (our first baby) due May 14th. He thinks it's too soon and I feel like we're running out of time.

I will admit that it's too soon to put together the swing, I'm just so excited and want to see what it looks like put together, but he won that battle. We don't have the essentials yet like travel system stroller/car seat, breast pump and etc. Now, our families back home are sending us baby stuff, but we have no idea what we're getting. I keep wanting to go out and get items but I'd hate to end up with duplicates and we don't know when to expect some of these packages.

I wanted to start getting things ready like organizing our home and baby items in a few weeks. We are going on a babymoon to a resort and spa in two weeks and after that it's all about baby. We already agreed to do the rest of our essentials shopping the first week of April, but now my husband is saying that even THAT is too soon to get things ready for our baby. He thinks that we can wait til the week of the due date, maybe a couple of weeks before. He even said that he can put anything that needs to be put together the day we get back from the hospital. I think he was kidding, but it was hard to tell because I know he's getting annoyed that I want to have everything done way before the due date :)

I know that I need to be patient and control my excitement until we go shopping. But it's starting to concern me that my husband wants to wait so long. I can't seem to make him understand that the baby has his own schedule and can come early. I even told him that we're getting our hospital bags ready mid April no if, ands or buts about it. He huffed about it, but said that was okay. It's so difficult to compromise on anything with him. I just want to know if I'm the crazy one here, or does my husband have a good point? How soon did you other moms start getting things ready for your babies? Any suggestions on when we should start preparing, or any suggestions on compromising with my husband would be appreciated.

Pulling my hair out,
N.

What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

Thank you to everyone who gave me helpful responses! So, after reading all of the responses, I had my husband sit down and read them. Of course he didn't read all of them, but he got the point. He did admit that he was ready to be a father, but didn't want to be forgotten as a husband. I reassured him that that couldn't happen because he is the first love of my life.

We had a good sincere talk about everything. I told him how much it meant to me to at least start doing something to calm me down, and he was very sweet and took me shopping a couple days later for just some baby things. He realized that this is totally a woman thing and said that he would try his best to be more understanding. We then made a plan for when we were going shopping for certain items and when we wanted to start putting certain things together. I did put some things together because I couldn't wait any longer and he got upset that he didn't get to do it (but this is after me asking him to do it a couple times).

This past week we've been washing baby clothes and etc. We're going shopping for the rest of our essentials this week which we are both looking forward to. He also got the hint that babies come early too. We're finally on the same page and everything is getting more and more exciting. A big thanks to you ladies, because I don't think he would've been this understanding if I didn't have your responses for him to read.

Featured Answers

The bottom line is, do whatever feels right for you. You don't really need anything for a newborn expect blankets, diapers, and maxipads for you. My girl came before I had anything ready and I was homebound for 3 weeks with just those things and we're fine. It wasn't fun, but it was fine. My point is, everyone is different and you should get ready when you want to. Also not to stress about buying a lot of stuff, cause its just not necessary in the beginning.

2 moms found this helpful

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<laughing> Sounds like he has the bit between his teeth on refusing to "hurry up & wait", one more time.

So: You're NOT crazy, and he's right, too.

Quite frankly...all you need is a car seat to take baby home in (they can sleep in that beside, or on your bed, if it came to that), and your breasts. Everything else is extra. Granted, really really NICE extras (thank god for diapers), but really...carseat and boobies. The car seat is required by law, & fortunately we all come with breasts.

So breathe and relax.

That said: Everything you do now you don't have to do either when you're bigger and heavier and more awkward*, or with an infant in tow.

*((Those last few weeks, you may have heard, the powers-that-be must have made miserable on purpose. By the time your child is being born you've BEEN READY and DO NOT CARE about labor one bit, all you want is TO BE DONE with being pregnant, for at least a week if not two. It's also possible that by this time you'll have seriously discussed how brilliant birds are for laying eggs.))

Also...Babies. Come. Early. Mateo may already be in your arms the week of your due date. Course, they also come late. Not noticeably punctual, infants and small children. My own son came a few weeks "early". At over 10lbs, boy am I glad he didn't wait for the "due" date.

So, while we already had the crib/swing/etc. built and waiting by week 30...is there any real problem with waiting? Not as long as you've got carseat, breasts, and more patience than me!

:) Z.

4 moms found this helpful

No, if your baby is due in May it's not too early at all. When we were expecting our first one, I waited for 3 months before I told people we were pregnant, so buying things was kept to a minimum at our house, but after that, we bought one major item a month. Our first big purchase was the bassinet and it's liner, the next month the stroller, then came the nursery furniture (crib, dresser, changing table). I bought blankets, layette things as they were on sale. My bumpers, dust ruffle, comforter was another large purchase. I made my own diapers (sewed diaper flannel) and crocheted blankets. But each month we made a major purchase and set things up as we got them in the nursery. Saving everything for the last month is pushing it. Babies can come early, your energy level will spike (nesting). You have to wash all the new baby clothes before they're used. So start now and have things all together by mid April. Your friends and family will probably have a shower for you and you won't get everything you need, and if you get doubles, you'll find that you will either use them or exchange them for something you don't have. But don't expect your friends and family to buy you everything you need. You'll be disappointed. Enjoy each moment, it's all magic and wonder.

3 moms found this helpful

N.,

If it makes you feel any better I went through the same thing with my daughters dad. Is this your first? If it is it is totally normal for you to be worried that nothing is getting done. I felt like nothing ever got done. I barely finished getting everything put away and set up before I had my daughter. Just know that you are not alone in that sense. Every new mom goes through the same thing.

If you ever need anyone to talk to about anything. I am here for you.

S.

3 moms found this helpful

This is called nesting. It's completely normal. Maybe you could get him a pregnancy book that talks about how totally our of your control this feeling is. How you instictively NEED to prepare for your baby. I would go ahead and follow your instincts and prepare. If you are worried about duplicate items, mention your thoughts to your family about what you are considering buying and see what they think. If the gifts are meant to be a suprise, do it tactfully. If not, just come out and ask if you need to get the item or if you should wait for it to arrive from them.

Getting ready for a baby is a HUGE deal and can't be done in the few short weeks just before it's birth. NO WAY. You will be running around non-stop trying to catch up for missed time.

This preparation urge is there for a reason. Instict tells you that you need to be ready for your baby. Try to explain it to your husband. If he won't listen, go ahead and do it anyway and then when he says something, give him "doe eyes" and say "but honey, I really couldn't help it... I don't know why. I tried, but I just HAD to do it." This worked for me for 8 months straight during each pregnancy. (times 3) Then there was the ever popular: "I know, but just think: now we don't have to do it later!" :)

Good luck and congratulations!

3 moms found this helpful

It is never too early for you. You are in the last stage of your pregnancy and your hormones are doing a doozy on you:-) Your husband should try to be supportive of you and if you want to put up the swing do it...with or without him.

You are the one who will be pushing your beautiful child out...do what you want to make yourself feel less nervous about the whole thing.

Explain to him that you won't have the energy to do any of this in the couple of weeks before the baby comes, so if he wants your help, now is the time. Yes the baby can come early, but most likely will not.

If I were you, I would hold off on buying things at this point. For a newborn you are breastfeeding, you only need diapers, clothes, a place for them to sleep, and a nursing bra (remember that you will probably swell up when your milk comes in so don't get one that is too tight...or choose a couple and save the receipts). Oh yeah, and a good camera.

Just keep talking to your husband about how you are feeling. It is okay for you to do things in advance. If it makes you feel better to pack your hospital bag, or start washing the baby's clothes and putting them away...it won't hurt anything. He may think you are crazy, my husband did, but if it puts your mind at ease it is okay.

3 moms found this helpful

Haha! You're nesting! Women get a hormonal surge right before baby is born that gives us this insatiable urge to clean and organize and get things ready for the arrival of our little one. Men don't have these hormones, and are therefore infuriatingly practical.

I completely understand your excitement. I was there, too. It IS a little early to start putting things together, especially since gifts are still arriving. Can you do anything with the items you already have and know you'll keep? Wash and fold tiny baby clothes? Paint the nursery walls (with zero VOC paint)? Make cute curtains for the baby's windows?

Congrats on your impending arrival. I was so excited to meet my son, and he did not disappoint!

3 moms found this helpful

no, you arent crazy....and its not too soon. there really is a lot to be done and even if your husband thinks it can be done quickly, its part of your preparing process... you need to do it for your peace of mind... i am guessing the reality hasnt hit him yet and probably wont until the baby comes, at least not fully... for you, you feel the baby and your body has been going through so many changes. "nesting" is natural, and dont stifle it. if there was some way you could help him understand that you need it, because it does help you bond with your baby... there are some good books out there for dads to be - maybe you could pick one up for him - that may also help.... i wish you the best!

3 moms found this helpful

Honey, you are NESTING. It's completely natural for you to want to get everything ready for the baby.
What harm does it do to set the swing up early? You are excited! I painted and put up wall-paper border when I was only two months pregnant, for pete's sake!

I think this is something you and your husband need to talk more about. He doesn't need to be "in charge" of everything. And the more he is able to understand your feelings about it, the better. I am not saying to dismiss his opinion, but it would be okay to just go ahead and get some things ready on your own, and leave him out of that part since he doesn't really have that same sense of urgency.
Plus, it sounds like he wants you to focus on HIM while you still can, before the baby arrives and has all sorts of demands on your attention.
This is your first baby, and it will change your lives and your marriage - be prepared for that. And it sounds like that is making him a little nervous and he's trying to put it off as long as he can. Be understanding and sensitive to his feelings too.

3 moms found this helpful

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