Is It Tacky to Have a Registry for Birthdays?

I think it's obscene! Whatever happened to the good old days of intimate parties, a bite or two of cake, and heartfelt congratulations? I'm only 36 - am I so old-fashioned? I find it SICK that even birthday parties (especially one-year-old children's birthday parties - they won't remember a THING!!!) are so commercialized these days! Get over it! For my daughter's first birthday party, we went for a hike with her best buddy and his folks and then came home and picked up a Fat Apples carrot cake and enjoyed cake and coffee. She wore a lovely dress (for about five minutes) for the classic "1 candle photo op" and that was that! Why why why are birthdays such a big deal. I'm so sorry, A., to rant at you like this, but sometimes these questions just tip me off and I can't control myself. This year my daughter turns three. I'm getting her an aquarium. Her four or five best friends (with only ONE parent if any) will come over with one fish each for her aquarium and we'll play in the back yard, play some fishing games, eat some cake, and that's that. Her gifts - the fish - will cost less than 5 bucks a pop at Petco, but she and her friends will be delighted, she because her fish will be named after her friends and they, because they get to go to the pet store to choose a gift for their friend. Now to me, that's a birthday party to remember for a bunch of three year olds.

K. in EC

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I am sorry but I find the whole birthday party craze over the top. When did birthdays go from being a special intimate occassion to these over the top parties where people invite everyone they know.Personaly I no longer go to parties if I don't have relationship with the family. My childern have birthday dinners at grandma's house with our family that live close enough to come.Sometimes it's even been just us at home. My kids really enjoy the closeness and don't feel they are missing out. My kids and myself still love to have parties so a couple times a year we invite a bunch of friends over and have a theme day party. My son is typically a sports day party and my daughter is a American girl tea party or craft party. We do it just because and it's a chance for my kids to give to their friends. My son gives bags of baseball cards and my daughters parties will have things the girls made. This has been so much fun and it feels less self centered.Rember the saying" It is better to give then to recieve" We still celebrate and honor their b-days and still have fun parties. Who needs all the presents and stuff you don't know what to do with. It feels like such a waste to me. Sorry I've used this forum to vent a personal pet peeve but I'd love to see a trend where we all bring or birthday parties back to a simpler time shared with close loved ones. Try it ,you just might like it. So this probley tells you I don't agree with the regestry but in a pratical sense it dose make sure your money dosn't go to waste on something they don't need or want. Who has money to waste these days.

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Yes, and you've just answered your own question! On the one hand, it is practical, but on the other hand, it seems so mercenary. A better idea is for you to ask the mother of the birthday child if there is anything special that they would like (and hope that they do the same for you!). I don't know..I'm probably in the minority here, but I think birthday gifts should be surprises.

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As long as we're on the subject.....I'd like to tell you about my daughter's 5th birthday party. The year before (#4) we'd had a party with mostly friends (family lives out of town) and she received many gifts that were not necessarily what she was "into". It was appreciated of'couse, however there is a sense of waste: money, time, all that packaging bad for the environment, etc. The next year we had a party (at a bowling alley) and said "no gifts" but a homemade card is fine. The kids brought her pictures and drawings and poems, which were made into a scapbook. She still got gifts from the family of'course which is more than enough, and my daughter never complained, they all just had fun bowling and eating cake. If you want to have gifts from friends I think the registry is great, there is some consciousness in what you are buying. However, don't our kids get enough just from us? Thanks A. for bringing up this subject.

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I think that this is tacky. As a mom to 4 girls, when we do have birthday parties, we don't do presents. It is just a time for their family and friends to come over and have a nice time together. We usually don't do the whole "party" thing, instead just ask the birthday girl where or what they would like to do and we'll do that, but only our immediate family of 6. In my opinion it is focusing too much on material possesions instead of the real celebration of their birth.

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Well, it goes against the old school way. Personally, I would love to receive a Wish List for some of these b-days my daughter attends. I don't know the children well and sometimes neither does she and we fumble around trying to decide and eventually end up getting something that shouts, "WE DON'T KNOW YOUR CHILD," and sending with a receipt.

Who decided it was okay for showers to have a GIVE ME THIS list and not okay for something just as practical as a birthday?

Times change. Why can't this? I don't have time to waste and this would me both parties happier.

Stephanie

1 mom found this helpful

Hi A.,

Can not say that I have heard of that either but when they are that young people don't generally have a gigantic bday party for their 1 year old. I guess it is more practical when they are that young to have a "wish" list as they can not really tell you what they want at that point and I think it is more for the mom's not getting a whole lot of what they already got in the baby shower.

I guess for you it takes the guessing out of what to get the little one especially if you don't know the family all that well.

Have a good time if you decide to go!

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It presumes the guests are bringing loot, and the point of the party is not supposed to be acquisition. Thus, tacky.

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Dear A.,

Yes it's tacky!

I feel birthdays for the first few years should be strictly close family and Godparents. The party isn't really for the child; it’s for the parents celebrating the birth of their child.

When a child is old enough to walk, talk, and understand socializing with other toddlers, let the party begin. I still don't think their parties should be extravaganzas held at private places like the Jungle or Arcades. Parks and backyards where they have plenty of space to play and make noise are best. Not to mention the fresh air and exercise, without the constant begging for another quarter to put in a machine. Picnic's or potlucks with a nice cake and a few party favors for the kids are less expensive and a much better experience for all concerned.

If an invitation is received and you don't want to attend, just send a nice birthday card with your regrets. A gift is not always required.

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It may be practical but I think it is tacky. The present is not the reason for the party. It is to celebrate the birth and life of the child. Yes, we all bring presents but being basically told to bring a present is tacky. That is why there are gift receipts (and almost every store gives them now). If the child doesn't like the toy or already has one, it can be exchanged. Plus, I feel like they are missing out on a learning opportunity: You don't always get what you want and be appreciative and grateful of people's generosity and whatever it is you did receive.

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