29 answers

Is It Ok to Go off of the Gift Registry?

My friends wedding is coming up. She has registered at some pricey places. I'm looking at her registry and all that's left is big huge espensive stuff or a lot of little things that look cheap, but are actually expensive. Like expensive kitchen gadgets. My budget is $25. I could buy a few kitchen odds and ends for that. That does not make me a happy gift giver. I don't want to toot my own horn, but I'm legendary for my gift giving prowess. I need to really feel good about what I give. I'd rather buy them beautiful windchimes, becaue I know they live in thier backyard. Or a framed Irish Blessing to honor thier roots or something sentimental. Not a cheese slicer! So...is it ok to go off on my own or is that frowned upon?

What can I do next?

Featured Answers

Yes, it sounds like you would put a lot of thought into it. I would rather have something heartfelt than a cheese slicer! ;)

5 moms found this helpful

Everyones taste is different, so it's hard to say. I love being out doors, but a wind chime would drive me batty. You don't want them to feel obligated to display a gift they don't love.

How about a bottle of wine with a personalized label on it? Maybe have thir names and wedding date put on it. Or put Do Not Open until June 2021 which would be their 10 year anniversary.

www.personalwine.com

4 moms found this helpful

Absolutely! Gift registries are a guide, that's all. If you know them well, it would be really nice to get them something personal that you know they would love. Always include a gift receipt though, just in case.

4 moms found this helpful

More Answers

Of course it's OK to go "off" the registry!

It makes it easier to use the registry if you are clueless.

Obviously you are NOT!

5 moms found this helpful

Yes, it is perfectly okay. It is a GIFT. Not an admission ticket.

5 moms found this helpful

Yes, it sounds like you would put a lot of thought into it. I would rather have something heartfelt than a cheese slicer! ;)

5 moms found this helpful

Everyones taste is different, so it's hard to say. I love being out doors, but a wind chime would drive me batty. You don't want them to feel obligated to display a gift they don't love.

How about a bottle of wine with a personalized label on it? Maybe have thir names and wedding date put on it. Or put Do Not Open until June 2021 which would be their 10 year anniversary.

www.personalwine.com

4 moms found this helpful

Absolutely! Gift registries are a guide, that's all. If you know them well, it would be really nice to get them something personal that you know they would love. Always include a gift receipt though, just in case.

4 moms found this helpful

Honey - it isn't about you!

It isn't about how awesome of a gift giver you are.

It isn't about how much you like wind chimes in the backyard.

It isn't about you deciding that they should honor their roots.

Once you realize that this is about giving a gift for a friend and not to stroke your own ego, you may realize that while the cheese slicer has no value to you it could really mean the world to her...even if it does seem crazy!

Yes, you can go off registry but in this case it seems like you're more concerned with fulfilling your needs than hers and I don't think that's right. Just because *you* think it is a great gift doesn't mean she will.

4 moms found this helpful

If you go off of the registry, always send the receipt with the gift. It gives them the option of exchanging and lets them know it will not hurt your feeling if it is not their taste.

I was a bridal registrar for about 15 years.
There was a lot of exchanges done after weddings.

3 moms found this helpful

I think windchimes are a lovely idea.

3 moms found this helpful

YES!! Go off that registry sister! I have been married for 16 years, and I can't tell you who it was that gave us that toaster that broke 12 years ago (the one I loved and had to have)... but the framed newspaper wedding announcement and invitation on black velvet matting still hangs in our home and I know exactly who it's from. Do it!

3 moms found this helpful

When I got married, I did have friends that bought off our registry but the problem was that they bought decorative items that were their taste, not mine. I was appreciative just the same because they didn't have to give us a gift but, truth be told, we never ended up using the items -- we donated them to charity.

If you are going to go off the registry, I would caution you not to buy anything that they are going to have to display in their house. It would probably be a big waste of money. I did buy off the registry for a friend of mine once. I knew that she had spent time in Italy studying for a year and that her and her husband loved to cook, so I ended up buying her a pizza stone with a pizza cookbook to go with it. I don't know if she actually ended up using it but the point was to buy her something that was tailored to her taste and that could be easily hidden in a cabinet or on a shelf so she didn't feel duty bound to display an object she didn't like.

Your windchimes idea is a good one. I was out on my patio earlier enjoying the sound of mine. That's something people often don't think about and it does add to the quality of your outdoor enjoyment.

Hope this helps.

3 moms found this helpful

I'm legendary for my gift giving prowess - I love this! I take pride in my gift giving as well. Great question.

I think it depends upon how good of a friend this is. If one of my good friends received a thoughtful gift like windchimes based upon their lifestyle she would love it! But, if my husband's friends whom I barely know got something like this they may have wished for the cheese slicer. You know your friend better than we do.

But to answer your question, I don't think it is taboo to buy something not on the registry. Especially if it looks as if most things are filled and the only remaining items are as you described (out of your price range).

Have you discussed going in with others to get a "bigger" gift? Quite a few friends did that for our wedding.

One of the gifts that stands out in my mind from that price range is a bottle of wine - I never thought about that as a wedding gift. We received it from a local judge and his wife. We really enjoyed that!

I think your thoughtful ideas will go over well!

Good luck!

3 moms found this helpful

Honestly, it's somewhat frowned-upon b/c the registry is there so that folks have an idea as to what a couple may need or want, their taste and their lifestyle. I'm sure no one wants to hear this, but if you go off the registry, please make sure:
- It is something THEY would want, not something that you would like
- It is returnable (not from an out-of-state gift shop)
- Has a receipt

When we got married, a friend was on a very tight budget and gave us a $25 gift card to Macys, which we happily used towards a coffee maker. Another friend in the same situation gave me a "cupcake" set to make and decorate cupcakes. I hate to bake, so that ended-up as a garage sale item.

If there is any hesitation in your mind about whether or not they will enjoy or use the item- go with the cheese slicer and add a bottle of wine and a couple of gourmet cheeses and dish towels to a basket and there you go!

2 moms found this helpful

A registry is for suggestions, not requirements. Go with your heart.

This whole idea that gifts are pre-chosen by the recipient is just weird -- and wrong!

2 moms found this helpful

Yes. I rarely buy from those lists,as you , I have a great knack for buying gifts.
B. k

2 moms found this helpful

That is a beautiful sentiment and I can tell you really want to do something special for your friend to celebrate her wedding. I know I'm in the minority here but I feel that generally, people register for the things they want, so the considerate thing to do is get them what they asked for. Maybe a combo gift? One cheese slicer and one personalized bottle of wine?

2 moms found this helpful

The registry is a wish list in my opinion, we are going off the list for our friend's gift there is something we have that we know they would like to have as well. I think as long as it is a "slam dunk" you can go off the list.

2 moms found this helpful

Some of my favorite gifts were not from my registry. Stick to your budget and give a gift that you will enjoy giving and they will enjoy receiving. I love the idea of windchimes (I love mine). The Irish Blessing is also a very personal and thoughtful gift.

You sound like a very thoughtful friend. Whatever you decide will surely be the right gift.

2 moms found this helpful

Yes, buy what your heart desires.....I rarely purchase items from those registries. As a matter of fact, I have felt bamboozled and coerced by society into using them for myself in the first place, both wedding and baby showers. The program is there to make it easy for others.

Best wedding gift I ever found was a beautiful sterling silver serving spoon with the last name initial already engraved on it - found it at a lovely antique store. She still uses it - 25 years later.

2 moms found this helpful

Your comment about the framed Irish Blessing reminded me that a very good friend gave me our wedding invitation nicely framed. I hadn't thought of it so it was a great gift and probably not that expensive. It wasn't the only thing she gave us but it was the most memorable! It's about the only thing I remember actually and she's my best friend and she gave us a whole box of stuff...

1 mom found this helpful

There is no law saying you MUST buy what they registered for. I have seen couples in stores registering for gifts and they actually just wandered the isles clicking this and that and laughing thinking it was so fun. I am sure some do actually think it thru and look for decent items that will look good in their first home, and be useful, but how many of those items will they still have in a couple years. Toasters and blenders don't last for ever and sheets, towels, and throw rugs wear out and styles change. My favorite gift is a beautiful picture frame. They will probably put a nice photo in it and it will stay for years. I used to buy nice quality photo albums knowing honeymoon pictures would end up in them and be kept for ever, but with digital cameras and computers it doesn't happen as often. But everyone has a picture in a frame sitting somewhere in their home. Get them something that will mean more than the crystal vase or wine glasses they "think" they want right now.

1 mom found this helpful

Buy the windchimes. She will probably love them and who knows, maybe she wanted to register for them, but didn't cause the places she registered didn't have them.

1 mom found this helpful

If you decide to give a give that is not on the registry, make sure to include the gift receipt!
Other alternatives are to get a giftcard to one of the places she is registered, then get a little something personal. Or...if you know anyone else going, maybe you could go in on a large registry item together.

1 mom found this helpful

Go for what YOU want to give them. You clearly know them well already ('They live in their backyard'). Make the gift really personal -- if it's windchimes, can they be personalized with their names or something else special to them (if they love dolphins, a dolphin chime, if they love cats, a cat chime, whatever). The idea to honor their Irish roots is also excellent and personal. Make the wrapping paper yourself, or tie on a cluster of silk shamrocks with green ribbon if the gift is Irish, or otherwise personalize to the couple like crazy. A registry is a great guide for those who want to use it but it is not a mandatory order! I loved the off-registry gifts we got, like a favorite comedy video plus a snack and dip tray for using while we watched, and the framed "history of your last name" document, and other things that were personal and showed thought and care and humor. I did not in any way feel sore that they weren't plates or forks!

1 mom found this helpful

Your idea is great. Stick to your budget and if you give something that is useful and meaningful then I am sure they will appreciate it. I got several gifts that were not on my registry..Some of the were great!!! Have fun.

1 mom found this helpful

Great questions! with both of my kids, I had people tell me to do a baby registry. I didn't get a single thing that was on it! I didn't mind, of course, but I just feel like people will get you what they want to anyways. if the people have a theme they are trying to go for, then i would stay within that theme, but get what you want if you think they'd want it.

1 mom found this helpful

If you don't see something you want to give them on the registry, certainly off of it. I see wish lists and registries as what people suggest/prefer to have, but it's not ALL they might like. If someone gets her panties in a bunch because you bought something neat that wasn't on the list, then that's her problem.

1 mom found this helpful

A gift registry is supposed to be the easy answer to the FAQ, "What would the bride and groom like to have?" It isn't set in cement, though, and if you'd like to give them something else instead, go ahead. People like you give others gifts they hadn't thought of and which they often cherish above anything on their list.

1 mom found this helpful

I think get whatever you want to get her. She should be happy to get anything you get her, and if she's not then that is just rude. I personally dont like registry's all that much just cause I dont want people to feel that they cant buy me what they want.

Oh, go off the registry!!! LOL

I use them as guides, or wish lists, and if I find something that I want to give, that I can afford, I buy from the registry. If, not, then I don't. Maybe it's my age, but I find pages long registry lists to be slightly tacky. We used to just be able to buy things that we thought the receivers would like and were tasteful and thoughtful without the pressure to keep up with the expensive over the top lists.

Anyhoo, happy shopping - I love the wind chime idea!!!!

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