Is It Ok to Buy My Son Girl Toys?

C.,

Sure it is. My son was the middle child and played with girl stuff all the time. Dress-up usually was his older sister's old dance costumes. Fact is, when you think of it, girls toys and dress-up clothes are generally more fun and exciting to play with, certainly more appealing to the eye.
I am also a home child care provider and it is EXTREMELY common for the Rescue Heroes to live in the dollhouses and Dora to be riding a fire truck. Actually its quite interesting when they mix it all up that way.

1 mom found this helpful

Just to give you a concrete example of what all the Moms are saying, my 13 yr old never liked dolls but he did get fascinated when Mommy put on make-up and he had to try it too. I was like no biggie, though my ex thought it was horrifying. Now, years later, and tons of brainwashing by society on "how to be a boy/man" (which you can't avoid no matter how hard you try)the main thing he enjoys is video games where he shoots someone or blows them up. So I wouldn't worry.
Not only are toys just toys to kids, but they are processing and curious about gender roles and what they see their parents etc. doing. Someday there will probably be a big movement where guys finally insist they get to wear pink and play with dolls! Please let that happen so that men will start helping more with the kids and doing housework!!!! PLease!

1 mom found this helpful

When my son was a 2 year old, all he wanted for Christmas was a Strawberry Shortcake doll. I was appalled, but my mom said to buy if for him. She stated that this is how boys learn how to be good fathers: by holding and snuggling babies, and learning how to nurture. She was right. He is now 27, has 3 young sons and is a great dad. Always holding and snuggling those babies, just like he did Strawberry Shortcake.

1 mom found this helpful

I would buy the toys for him. That is not going to "turn him gay". I heard a story of a little boy insisting that he wanted a princess birthday party one year. My son walks around in his sisters dress up shoes all the time and pushes her baby dolls in the stroller all the while carrying a purse!
Like another mom said, he sees dad or other dads pushing a stroller and carrying around a baby, possibly even carrying the diaper bag like a purse, so the child is only imitating dad! I would so not worry, and go with the flow. Even if he is gay, or transgender,which is probably not the case, there is absolutely nothing you nor your husband can do to "change him" anyway. Good luck!

1 mom found this helpful

I agree with the other responses that a toy is a toy and kids and kids. I think that if a person is gay or transgender or whatever, it won't matter what toys you buy them. Whatever you do, you love your kids and that is the most important.

1 mom found this helpful

This is completely developmentally appropriate. I have an education and child psychology background, and boys this age oftentimes identify with their mother and what are considered girl things and behaviors! I have known boys when they were that age that loved to invite my daughter over because they would play princess dress-up. He even had his nails painted, headbands etc., all for dress-up. He was the oldest of three, but loved all toys for boys or girls.

For the last couple of years my son who is 7 had been asking for an American girl doll because my daughter has a couple, but if I ask him what he really wants now, he asks for things like a remote control car or a castle lego set. He still plays with things like Littlest Pet Shop with his sisters, (he has three), but I think he's very well-rounded! Oh, and he went through that phase of "my favorite color is pink" as did some other boys in my daughter's preschool. So I bought him a tommy hilfiger dress shirt that is mostly pink. He has a couple of baby dolls and lots of stuffed animals. My brothers played with Barbies with me and even had some of their own, and I had some Matchbox cars, GI JOES, and Star Wars figures.

Your child is not gay, and you are not going to cause that to happen if you buy him a few dolls. Children cannot be gay. People make choices later on related to their upbringing and experiences. Just be loving to him and respectful, and you'll realize it is just a phase.

Have fun with your kids, and laugh every day!

1 mom found this helpful

I'm guessing you have gotten at least one message regarding the whole gay thing so I will only say that if he is, keeping "girl toys" away from him won't change it and if he's not gay, giving him the toys won't produce it.
I just bought a doll for my son for Christmas because he loves babies and gave a friend's baby doll a kiss recently. I read something recently that said that letting a boy play with "girl stuff" can actually be good for them because it teaches them early that there really isn't a difference and that a boy can do anything he wants to in the long run. They have also found that boys tend to play with these toys in a different way than girls. They may be attracted to the toy for different reasons and while girls play house with their dolls, many boys don't.
Tell your hubby to read a book and get current on gender association facts. Your son is NOT "messed up" and nothing you do or don't do is going to change they way he turns out in the end (well, sure, there are things you can do that can affect him, but I'm guessing you aren't doing anything drastic enough to do this). Treat him like a boy and offer him more tradionally boy toys and in the end, get him whatever he will be happy with. Isn't it more important that he's happy? In the long run, you will probably do more damage by telling him to be something he's not than encouraging him to be himself and enjoy what he wants to :)

So, get him a Dora doll and a Diego doll and let him play with both! Hope you have a wonderful Christmas:)

TOYS ARE TOYS!! There are no boy or girls toys, they are just toys. I think it is funny how parents have no problem buying girls cars, trucks and such, but won't buy a boy a baby doll. When they are men don't they help take care of their babies, push their children in strollers, and watch "chick flicks"? Isn't this the same thing just at a younger level? I always treat every child as an individual, not as a girl or boy. You have some boys who are just full of energy and some who are as calm as can be. The same goes for girls some are full of energy (we call them tom boys) and other are the sweet little dancers. I have two of the sweet little dancers. I don't know how that happen since I was a complete tom boy. It must be from my husband. Imagine if my parents had tried to stop me from being who I am!

By the way toys do make a child gay.

Cheryl

I don't think this should be a big deal - and won't be if you don't make it one. To a child, a toy is a toy. They don't care if its a "girl" toy or "boy" toy.

A lot of boys play dress up or with dolls. It doesn't mean they are gay. Girlie stuff can be mysterious to them. Especially if they are told its off limits. Your husband will only make the toys more appealing if he makes them off limits. A friend's son went thru a cinderella phase when he was younger. He was cinderella-crazy. He is now a teenager and all boy... although he does seem to like blondes!

Think about it, you wouldn't worry about your daughter being gay if she wanted to play with racecars or dinosaurs.

Dora is hugely popular with all kids - boys and girls. We have two Dora dolls, and both boys and girls who come over always play with them.

I personally think there is nothing wrong with kids playing with toys for the opposite gender. If that is what is of interest, they should be encouraged just as much as if it were "gender appropriate". I was VERY into trucks and GI Joes. I remember crying for hours the day my mom accidently threw away my showbox of GI Joe cutouts that were being saved to send in for the special one. Now, I am married and am very girly in a lot of ways.

The issue with him saying he wishes he were a girl could be an issue. I would talk to him and see why he says that. Is it only because he thinks he isn't allowed or supposed to play with what interests him because he isn't a girl? If that is the case, supporting him should help. If it is more psychological than that, you may need to take him to talk to someone.

In the end, what will really matter as he grows up is that his parents love and support him and accept him wholly for exactly who he is... not what toys he prefers.

I suggest letting him play with what he wants. There is a chance that he is one of the many trans-gendered individuals in society today or it could be a phase. Trans-gendered simply means that physically he may be male but his mind might be female and lean towards female things. In fact I have heard that when parents try and suppress the desires of the child and try to force then to be one gender or another that is causes more trouble.I've actually had several trans-gendered friends who grew up wishing their parents had been more supportive. I've heard them say how hard it was just being in the wrong body but to not have their parents understand made it worse.
If it is a phase then there is no harm in letting him have his way, keep "boy" toys around and let him play with other little boys his age. He might just be jealous of the attention that his sister gets and wants some too. A lot of moms tend to fuss more over little girls. You might have trouble with your husband though, dads are very protective of their son's "masculinity" and he might take it personally as an insult to his if he thinks his son might be gay or even simply trans-gendered. Try to help him to be open minded and love your son, he's still very young and there's no telling what the future holds for him. Your boy is still your child and heaven knows no one else on earth can or will love him as much as you and your husband.

I say buy him what he really wants to play with. Nothing wrong with that. And ignore anyone who acts or says otherwise. YOU are his mother, and it is your responsibility to mother him. THEIR say so does not matter. They will not be there throughout raising your child. If you love them...then, of course, support them and buy the things that HE wants! I think if you don't then you will really push him into resentment and he may be mentally unhealthy.

Good luck and Bless you and your son!

A.

I think that there is definitely a split between moms and dads on this issue. I think young kids like what they like because it is fun and because society says boys should play with cars and girls should play with dolls we become afraid to allow them to just be kids. You may want to try some new toys both designed for boys and girls. If you want to expose him to more boyish toys, you could buy him "boy" dress up clothes (pirates, etc.) and some really cool boy accessory sets like a playschool tool bench set and along with some other toys he has asked for and go from there. Good Luck.

There's actually no research to suggest that playing with "girl" toys will make a boy gay. Toys are toys to young kids. Is it bad for a boy to learn to be nurturing with a doll or to "cook" with a play kitchen? My son loves these things, as well as trucks, blocks, etc. Should I not let my daughter play with "boy" toys like trucks, cars and blocks? With one of each it is inevitable that they will play with each other's toys. Let your son play with what makes him happy. Playing with all kinds of toys and having diverse experiences is how young children learn about their world. Your husband (and mine, sometimes!) needs to relax.

Good luck!

I am so happy to see so many in agreement on this! My oldest son and daughter are 22 mos. apart and played with each other most of their childhood, this meant that my son wore dresses, played with dolls and wore lipstick as much as my daughter played cars, watched Ninja Turtles and played with legos. SHEESH! Buy your son a Dora doll AND a Diego doll.
BTW, my son is 21, a massage tech, has piercings and tattoos, listens to death metal and has girls calling him left and right. *sigh* You never stop worrying and wondering, what you worry about changes with age. Love him, no matter WHAT!

Actually, I've talked to a lot of moms with boys that did that. None of them turned out gay. Most kids look at toys as toys. They won't freak out over gender toys until older I guess. I say let him play with them. Get him what he wants, whether it's boys or girls. He'll grow out of it.

My boys had dolls, kitchen stuff (they both love play cooking, EZ Bake, etc.) and they are the most testosterone-filled boys-boys you can imagine. I just bought the 3yo a girl-branded (because I couldn't find any other kind) horse paddock and barn because he wanted horses. Why are horses in the pink aisle? It is a mystery. A girl just told him recently at preschool that pink really isn't his favorite color. She was so convinced he must be mistaken, because boys can't like pink. (of course, 100 years ago, pink was the boy color.)

Some boys really are drawn to feminine things at a young age and it's a preference that lasts, but for most it's just a phase. There's no way to know which category your son falls into, but as parents you have no choice if you want him to be a healthy adult who is comfortable with himself - you have to support him in the things he loves.

I say buy them. Plus in today's society, men cook, clean and take care of kids. I know my hubby does. Is it any diffenent than letting a boy play house? or with dolls?

Try to imagine being a little boy - for the most part, their hair and clothes are pretty much the same and really basic. But think of how fun it is to be a little girl that gets to wear her hair a lot of different ways, wear shorts/pants AND skirts, and really accessorize with makeup and jewelry! How cool must this be for a little girl and maybe little boys might want to experiment with their look and style a little bit. He might just want to see what it is like to switch things up and it could have absolutely nothing to do with being transgender.

I wish I knew a nice way to articulate to your husband that your son isn't "messed up" but I dont, so I won't even go there. There's nothing wrong with him playing with whatever toys make him happy and spark his imagination and curiosity in the world around him. Like another poster said, think of all the successful (not to mention straight) men who have 'girlie' jobs - Chefs Emeril Lagasse and Alton Brown, fashion designer Ralph Lauren, famed Beverly Hills Stylist Jonathon Antin, dancer Michael Flatley, and many, many more. Crushing his spirit and not allowing him to play with toys because "they're too girlie" messes him up more.

I think it is okay but I am sure my husband would be opposed if we had a boy. Why don't you buy him a Diego doll or a boy doll with hair.

I don't think forcing toys on children is good. I have always had boy and girl toys for my daughter. She enjoys playing with cars and tools. I also think it may be a stage he is going through.

I think it is just fine for boys to play with girls toys. I think it is probably mostly the novelty. I mean, do we get all panicky when a girl asks for a tonka truck or bob the builder stuff? No, we just think she might be a tom boy. I used to love "boy" toys and turned out just fine. Just let him be who he wants to be, otherwise it could come back to haunt you later. If you let him have the girls toys, the novelty will probably wear off anyways. If not, I'm sure you would do more damage by teaching him "girly" things are bad and that he has to be "manly" at this age than by letting him play with a few dolls. I don't mean this to sound judgemental at all, just trying to give my opinion. Hope this helps.
A.

your little sweetie will be whatever he will be irrespective of what toys he gets. I would get him what he asked for and not make a big deal about it. The part that can be hard is when he wants to dress up etc and go out as some in the world are not so kind to anything outside their own box.

I can tell you I grew up with a sister and two other girls in our entire neighborhood, everyone else were boys. We spent quite a bit of time playing with my brother and his friends; GI Joe, Transformers, Cops and Robbers, BB guns out in the woods, war games in the neighborhood, and the boys played with us too; house, dress up, barbies, we used to do their "make overs" hair, nails, make up, the whole nine yards. I can;t tell you how many times I've painted my brothers nails "pretty pink" as a kid. They would dance with us, Footloose was THE thing those days, Michael Jackson, etc...

They are all very straight these days, almost all married with kids. A toy is just a toy. And further more I just read an article the other day talking about how children's toys these days are not as good for them as they used to be. They direct the kids too much (electronics in particular) and keep them from using their imaginations. Here's the link...
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2007/11/071123204938...

Great article. Tell your husband it's in your sons best interests as a person to be able to imagine and be creative. It may actually make him smarter :)

My opinion - it is okay to get him "girl" toys if that is what he wants. My son had a time, around 4 years old, where he loved scarves and making new outfits out of them. He is now 7 and his new favorite things are baseball and fishing. Even if your son doesn't out grow the phase, being a good mom to him means supporting him and his choices. I think your hubby will come to that conclusion too, given time. Good luck!

I truely believe that you should get what he wants. He does not know girl or boy toys now and he shouldn't. I have a girl and now a boy and if he wants to play with her toys (girl) I am not going to stop heim I see in his future being dressed up. That is not going to stop him being a strong kid later. I also have to say when my daughters friend down the street comes over and he is a boy he plays with all her girl towys. I would not look to much into it. My bother in law is gay and he did not play with "girl toys". I hope this is helpful
M.

He is only 5. Get him what he is interested in. Buying dolls will not make him gay. Explain to your husband that this is what you son plays with. Why buy him stuff that he won't use. Just a waste of money. Good luck and don't worry about it. Little imaginations should be encouraged not stifled.

A toy is a toy. MY son picked a pink and purple dinosaur. He is 24 years old now and male as hell. Let your child play with whatever he wants, that is safe. Emagination is a great thing. The funniest thing to watch is your son breast feed his doll. Because breat milk is best.

The only thing that will mess him up is making a huge issue of it. If you need a logical way to think of playing with dolls, keep this in mind: hopefully someday, whether he's gay or not (and playing with dolls is not an indication one way or another), he will be a daddy. Playing with dolls is roleplaying what they learn from you about parenting and nuturing. You want your son to be a loving, nurturing and gentle parent, right? The great liklihood is that this is a phase, and one that will pass more quickly if he's allowed to explore it. Making it a huge issue could totally backfire and make him more determined to play with the "forbidden" toys.

Good luck. Love your son and give him the freedom to express himself.

WOW! What a lot of responses! My 2 cents... boys and girls are different... so even if he plays with the "girl" toys the play might be very different. I think a terrific compromise would be to get the other characters as others have suggested - the prince, Sebastian, the Sea King... Diego... lots of good choices that both support your son and gently direct him toward laudable masculine characters and characteristics.

Teaching a child a nongender based lifestyle w/variety of toys and books in the home, doesn't make a child Gay. It makes a child more rounded. In fact, you can read the recent research in support that our society and our strick expectations lead to the men in our world unable to show emotion or be in touch with their feelings. It's normal for boys to dress up in dresses as it is normal for a girl to dress up in boys clothes. I'm not sure why our society freaks out about boys playing with dolls and don't even blink at a girl playing with trucks. Know that the most important thing is that whatever interests your child, nurture it. Who knows... even if he's STRAIGHT he could be the next world class cook or fashion stylest or whatever (I know, drastic examples). And he loves YOU and will want to do what you do. I think men have issue with it because sometimes it somehow means they as men and fathers are some how less manly, when in reality, it makes them better fathers.
Heck, I loved my trucks growing up and i wanted to be a Football player AND a ballerina : )

That is a tough one because we are so hung up on stereotypes and there is so much media about trans-gender issues. If you don't want to buy him "girl" things, have you tried buying a Deigo doll instead of Dora? Or turn his interest into more like Seseme Street or other shows that have both male and female like Doodlebops?

If it was my child I would probably let him play with what he wants unless it will harm him of course, but also buy him some masculine toys as well. It could be a phase because I have know boys who played with dolls and girl toys and didn't turn out to be gay or feminine. However, I just wouldn't want to try and make him something he is not. I would want him to feel comfortable with who he is even if it is not what you and your husband wants for him. There are just too many kids these days that grow up depressed and are confused. My son likes both boys and girls toys. I let him play with what he wants. He is who he is and I love him no matter what. I figure I would much rather have a gay son than a confused and angry son. It is becoming more acceptable to be gay or trans-gender and so I think no matter how your son grows up he will be happy as long as you let him.

Good luck and I hope it all turns out ok!

R.

So many great posts already!

Sit your husband down at the computer and have him read the overwhelming responses that indicate this is NORMAL.

If you're worried about it, why don't you get him some of the other character dolls like Sebastian or flounder from little mermaid? It's still a great movie for all genders, but if you're looking for him to have more male influences, maybe choose the male characters? Likewise Dora has Boots the monkey and her male counterpart Diego with plenty of merchandising to follow.

Have you looked into the Diego toys? I think they're more geared toward boys. I do agree with the other posters, I think kids just play with whatever's handy. If he has an older sister, you probably have more 'girl' toys than 'boy' toys.Plus, he probably wants to be like his big sister. I would go ahead and get him the toys he asked for and maybe get him some cool trucks and such too. All children should be exposed to different kinds of toys. Plus, getting the trucks will help your husband feel a little better.

My son is 19 months old and loves to play with his older sisters toys. I know some of it is just monkey see monkey do, but I can't help but smile when he puts "baby" to bed and rocks her. We started buying Little People. They have zoo's, garages, farms, planes. A lot of things for boys to play with where they still have people for pretend play. He now has to have a person in every vehicle and will play with them forever. He still likes to get into his sisters purses or "cook" in the play Kitchen, but I am fine with that. I keep telling my husband he is just getting in touch with his sensitive side and will make some woman a very luck husband one day. We shall see.....