26 answers

Is It My Issue? Should I Force My Child to Try a Team Sport?

She has never tried a team sport and says she does not want to do it. My husband thinks all my dread is because I don't want to deal with this mom coach and we should force her to try it for one season. He played every sport and thinks that is where friendships are made. She is in 4th. My girl asks for more playtime and down time already so we dropped karate. I am less stressed. Still, I don't want to miss out on something. Her real friends are on the basketball team and we won't see them except maybe once a week during the season to play.

What can I do next?

Featured Answers

The only time you should force a child to a team sport, if it's something they asked you to do, and once you make the committment and sign them up, they don't want to.

I don't understand, she was doing karate (a great activity) and you dropped that because you needed more free time, but then signed her up for a sport. Just doesn't make any sense.

If her real friends are on the basketball team, that doesn't mean she has to be on the team. She can support her friends and have fun by attending the games and cheering them on.

6 moms found this helpful

I'd avoid drama and stress. Is there something else she can try without the drama so she can make new friends? I wouldn't want to deal with this mom either. Good luck!

3 moms found this helpful

My daughter is not in any team sports, and I'm glad she wasn't interested. She is in swimming lessons and Karate, theater and piano.

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why on EARTH would it even enter your head to "force" her to do a team sport she has already said she does NOT want to do? your husband is wrong. listen to your CHILD. period. there is no question or debate here.

7 moms found this helpful

The only time you should force a child to a team sport, if it's something they asked you to do, and once you make the committment and sign them up, they don't want to.

I don't understand, she was doing karate (a great activity) and you dropped that because you needed more free time, but then signed her up for a sport. Just doesn't make any sense.

If her real friends are on the basketball team, that doesn't mean she has to be on the team. She can support her friends and have fun by attending the games and cheering them on.

6 moms found this helpful

This is the answer to your question - YOU don't want to miss out on something. This is about you.

I would NOT force my child into a sport. They won't enjoy it and not try and do their best....which will cause animosity on the field from those who are there because they WANT TO BE...

The only time I force my kids into a team sport is when they begged me or my husband to sign them up and then they say "OOOOOOHHHH!! I don't want to go to practice (or game) today!!" I tell them - "you begged to be be signed up for this - you are now part of a team and they are depending upon you to be there. So you will go and you will do your best."

If you are dreading it - then you have your own problems. If you have a mom that you don't like - or detest in your own words - you are creating a situation for yourself. Do you have proof that this coach lied to people? There are many people who have been misjudged or have changed - have you given that a thought?

In regards to FORCING your daughter in a sport? I think it's wrong.

In regards to you detesting another woman - you need to stop, talk to this woman, clear the air. Your daughter will pick YOUR behavior up and mimic - is that what you want?

You may "dread" this coach/woman, but in reality? It sounds like you want an opportunity to discredit her and make her and her daughters look bad.

DO NOT FORCE YOUR CHILD INTO A SPORT.

4 moms found this helpful

I can't think of any reason why you should force this. Your daughter has said that she does NOT want to do this. You hate the coach and other members of the team. You aren't looking forward to the practices which are a requirement of the team. This sounds like torture for both you and your daughter.

4 moms found this helpful

With everything is going on it sounds like terrible idea. I would not do it.

Apart from this I bet that your town has more than ONE team to be on... so if she really WANTS to start something, find a team without pre-existing issues.

4 moms found this helpful

Absolutely no reason to force this. Sounds disastrous. Listen to your gut.

4 moms found this helpful

I am NOT a fan of school or out of school team sports. I have watched too many coaches favor the natural atheletes and the rest of the kids sit on the bench and watch. Our high school had around 70 kids that "dressed" for games (football). But only a maximun of 22 played. Occsionally 23 if we kicked a field goal. The players teased the non-players about not being "good enough" to play and about not being "good enough" to ever win in the game of life.

I wanted my kids to learn team work and team bonding. So I required each of my kids to either play in the band or sing in the choir for one year in high school. It worked wonderfully. Each of my kids except for one loved the band or choir. When the band played, 100% of the band members played. 100% of the band members were valued and were part of the team. Each of the band members had a job to do and was counted on by the rest of the team. In football, the coach only allowed the favored few to play. Only 33% of the "football team" actually played. Not much commarodery unless you were one of the 33%. The same can be said for the basketball team or the baseball team.

Learning team work is important, but it is best learned where everyone gets to play and be part of the team.

BTW, there are lots of very good reasons to "force" your child to do things they don't want to do. Some times its a character builder. My wife and I "forced" my kids to do the dishes, clear the table, learn to cook and prepare meals for the family, learn to shop, grow a garden, weed the garden, wash their clothes, feed the chickens, feed the dog, mow the lawn, study, do homework, etc.

Good luck to you and yours.

4 moms found this helpful

Is your husband really athletic and was this something he could share with your DD? Wondering why he thinks that putting your child through all that drama was more healthy than dropping it in favor of other things, like those school projects. It also sounds like YOU were doing the running around, and not him. That means, to me, that the choice is more yours than his.

I would not force a child to do a sport. We strongly encouraged the bigger kids to do more than go to school and come home, to be involved in their schools in some way. But SD is just not into sports. It would be a waste of time and money to force her to participate, even if she plays a bit one on one at home. If you are at peace, then be at peace. It sounds like your daughter knows what she wants right now and what she can handle (sounds like the academics have her hopping). Listen to her.

My SD was in band til 8th grade. Then she dropped it and frankly it wasn't worth the expense to make her keep going if she truly wasn't interested. She did see the year out. Then she got into theatre and has been very happy. Give your child this break and see what she's into later.

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