50 answers

Is It Inappropriate for a Married Man to Give Presents to a Female Co Worker?

a few months ago my husband started talking about a co worker. Then after a few weeks he came home upset saying that his buddy thought he was having a relationship with this woman whom he claims is jus like his own daughter so i told him his buddy might have just misinterpreted him. After a couple of weeks he bought me a knife and told me he also gave his co worker a knife because she need it. I noticed that every now and then, he would give her something, little things and it really bothers me. he told me that there's nothing going on and that he loves to give presents to his friends. We fought about it a couple of times and he always made me feel like i was at fault.everytime we go on vacations i feel like he wants to bring her something just like how he would get something for his buddies.He bought himelf an mp3 player on april this year and after a few weeks i noticed i don't see it anymore when i asked him he told me that he asked his friend(this woman) to download songs for him but until now i still don't see his mp3 player. i started checking his cell phone i have only seen one text message from this woman telling him about her having a hysteroctomy which of course my husband replied to that message asking her if it is really necessary (this young woman is also married) I believed they see each other almost everyday @ work.I am very bad at expressing myself, i wanted to write him a letter to let him know how i feel about the whole ituation i don't even know how and when to start,can someone please help me?

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I would like to thank everyone for all the helpful advice. It is really greatly appreciated. i was keeping it to myself the whole time and after i read all the respones i felt relief...

Featured Answers

I have to say that, if my husband was doing this and I asked him to stop - he would. And I would be very suspicious if he got defensive about it too. But that's just me.

What kinds of gifts does he get his male friends? Are they along the same lines as what he's buying this woman? Are the gifts personal? Is this woman young enough to BE his daughter?

6 moms found this helpful

One of the first things I would do is ask him how he would feel if you were handing out gifts to male coworkers.

6 moms found this helpful

I have been the recipient of many gifts from international trips that my colleagues went on. Some were from married men and some were from married women. My husband never thought twice of my receiving these gifts. I worked for an older gentleman that bought me expensive birthday & Christmas gifts - his wife also sent me her 'old' Dolce & Gabbana coats & Armani suits - I was the daughter they never had. Sometimes it is exactly as they say - just a gift for a co-worker.

4 moms found this helpful

More Answers

One of the first things I would do is ask him how he would feel if you were handing out gifts to male coworkers.

6 moms found this helpful

Does he give ALL the woman, at his work gifts? If not, it is inappropriate.

6 moms found this helpful

I have to say that, if my husband was doing this and I asked him to stop - he would. And I would be very suspicious if he got defensive about it too. But that's just me.

What kinds of gifts does he get his male friends? Are they along the same lines as what he's buying this woman? Are the gifts personal? Is this woman young enough to BE his daughter?

6 moms found this helpful

Unless he gives presents to his other coworkers, I'd tell him that it looks like he's having an affair because he talks about her all the time and gives her gifts.

I'd be totally suspicious and , not it's not your fault. He's the one behaving badly.

5 moms found this helpful

I have a male co-worker & friend to whom I have occasionally given small gifts. HOWEVER, he is not the only co-worker to whom I have given a gift in my 8+ years at this company.

My husband has met him and would say he's "our" friend, even though we don't really socialize much. Early on, as this colleague and I were becoming friends, I realized that that he and my husband needed to know each other or we couldn't be friends. The colleague didn't balk at that. And he is married now too, with babies, and a wonderful wife.

So, you see, I have no issues with male-female friendships, but one has to proceed with care and consider's one's spouse. If I always gave this co-worker gifts, or if I ONLY gave this co-worker gifts, then that would be inappropriate. And the way you describe this....it seems like your husband is discounting your feelings all together, and that seems wrong.

4 moms found this helpful

IMO, it is inappropriate for your husband to give a gift to a female coworker. You said he loves to give presents to his friends, but what exactly is he giving to "male" coworkers.

It sounds a bit fishy but I don't think a letter is going to cut it. You need to just sit him down and say, "it's going to be difficult for me to express this, but I want you to know how this makes me feel...." and mention how you think the gift-giving could be taken in the wrong way by his other coworkers (i.e., affair) and ask him to stop. It's not so hard for him to walk up to his coworker and say, "hey, I woulda gotten you something too, but it makes my wife uncomfortable." Any decent woman who has ever been in a relationship would understand where you are coming from. I'd also ask him how he would feel if you consistently received gifts from a male friend innocent or not.

4 moms found this helpful

I have been the recipient of many gifts from international trips that my colleagues went on. Some were from married men and some were from married women. My husband never thought twice of my receiving these gifts. I worked for an older gentleman that bought me expensive birthday & Christmas gifts - his wife also sent me her 'old' Dolce & Gabbana coats & Armani suits - I was the daughter they never had. Sometimes it is exactly as they say - just a gift for a co-worker.

4 moms found this helpful

I think I would be a little bit uncomfortable with it.

Does he hang out with her outside of work, like he would his other male co-worker buddies?

3 moms found this helpful

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