Is It Because They Are Boys - Including My Husband?

My daughter has known since she was three that if I tell her to pick something up and she does not do it, it goes in the trash. It might sound harsh, but the first few times I made her be the one to take it to the trash can.

She's not a neat freak or anything, but if I tell her to pick stuff up, it gets done right away. I don't have to complain or ask twice. My three year old son gets it, too.

You don't have to demonstrate this many times before the battle is over for good.

Good luck.

I gave my 2 sons 'rewards' or demerits for a clean room...every morning when they left for school, I graded their room with a point system...starting with 100..they lost 1 or 2 points for everything they left undone....for a good score once a week or once a month (depending on $ or the what determined the most 'leverage') they got some kind of treat (pizza or mcdonalds?) or a privilege...ie; overnite at g-ma's or a buddy or to invite a friend over for play time, etc...for failing grade, they lost the same privilege or treat....took a little while to work out the kinks and for them to see that I was serious about the 'grade on their housekeeping'....it determined their reward or privilege level....worked for us...hope it helps you... ; )

this will be hard, but have you tried seriously just THROWING THINGS AWAY?

Yeah, I'm hardcore like that. If it's sitting out, it goes in the donation bag. PERIOD! Initially, you may end up losing a few things of your ownthat may have gotten lost in all... that clutter. Don't worry, you won't suffer too much. But what i've learned is that standing over a table trying to
figure out what goes where, what to keep or not...is a pain in the A! So don't do it. Just with one arm...SWOOP them all into a bag! :) Trust me, 99% of the time when it's gone, you don't even miss it. We always fear that we may need something for later. Especially, if you haven't used it in 6 months, likely it's not going to have a big impact when it's gone.

So with me before, I literally go through my house every week and start throwing everything into a bag that's sitting on top of a table. Sometimes i sift through it to make sure there isn't a bill...but usually we always keep our bills separate. That was a few years ago...so our house is pretty clutter free. I donate toys all the time.

I'm constantly clearing this house of clutter. We really don't need to keep every paper, items, toys, mail etc...Gosh..the things that are just laying around taking up space. They build fast! But now, as soon as I get mail, I'm already dumping advertisements and opening up mails instantly to throw anything away then and there and file the bills. I don't wait.

So anyhow, it always freaks my husband out 'cause he's afraid I might end up throwing away something meaningful to him...like his comic collections. LOL. He learned fast to put them back where they belong. I believe that your kids will soon learn that if they want to keep anything, they better put it back in it's place, or out they go! Some other kids you're donating these things to will appreciate it. You're still doing a good deed. :)

My kids are only 4 and 1.5, and I constantly recycle their toys, donate etc. If I know my kids haven't played with it in 6 months, it's out. We don't buy new toys unless where getting rid of some.

good luck with this.

Sorry... I couldn't read your whole post because my eyes went blurry after reading that your husband cooks AND keeps the kitchen clean ,and that your boys keep the bathroom clean... So your house is sanitary-- who cares if you have to pick up clutter???

My husband cares more than I do but he doesn't clean... my hubby is a better cook than me but he doesn't cook either. =) Just keep teaching your sons to clean up, do their chores, etc. They won't want to do it and will try to get out of it but that's how all kids are (unless a mess REALLY bothers them...) Stay positive and cheerful and don't let it get to you... Consistency is the key with everything and you can do it without being a nagging wife or mom.... Hang in there and good luck!

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Hi m,
it's not just because they're boys, but that sure sounds like why they might be "getting away" with it.

#1 sounds like you could use back-up from your hubby.

#2 the no-scream solution. Read (don't buy): "Have a New Kid by Friday." - won't work on hubby, though :( (lol!)

Good luck!
t

well i don't have that old of children - my son is only 3. but i kind of feel like you're pretty lucky. my husband doesn't do half of what yours does, especially without you even asking him. the boys sound like they're doing great too. what 9 and 12 year olds keep their bathroom clean without nagging? none i know!

i would find something that speaks to them, take it away (video games? time with friends?) and stick to it. then maybe they'll decide to clean up "on their own". shouldn't have to nag a bit. just stick to your guns. and be patient while they're figuring it out. they will. if you pick the right "prize", something they'd rather clean for than go without.

and maybe lighten up, just a bit. when company stops by (hopefully not unexpectedly?) get them to help you tidy up real quick. but don't sweat it if everything is not perfect. you live in a house with three men (boys!). it's not ever going to be perfect.

It definately isn't boys only. I'm the one who leaves things out and drawers open. It drives my husband nuts. He always tells me "I'll pickup my stuff and clean the whole house- floors, carpet, bathrooms, etc... Just don't add to the mess". And I still can't do it. I'm good with laundry dishes and cooking, but picking up the little things I've always stunk at, even since a little kid. But he knew what he was getting into when we were dating and he saw my explosion of an apartment. :)

I really am trying to work on it for my daughter though. I don't want to tell her to pick her shoes up when my are laying right next to them. Like J.L. (and Mick Jagger) said- old habits die hard.

I'll be sure to not show my husband this post. ;). Good luck!

E.
edenbabyfoods.com

I was a slob at that age. My mother's rule was that all my mess had to stay in my room and the door stayed closed. That way no one was embarrassed when we had guests. Maybe your hubby could have his own "sloppy space" as well. An old-fashioned family meeting where you explained why this is important might help and, even if it didn't, at least you would have had your say without nagging :)
Hang in there. My kids are younger and still in the sloppy phase, too. I, unfortunately, outgrew it and am now a neat-freak so I'm trying to learn patience, too.

We have the same problem for the playroom... Our boys cannot have playdates, computer or wii time before everything is cleaned up. That works every time! Good luck! Good habits start young but it is never too late to change something!

A friend of mine used the "Saturday Box." Anything left out in the evenings got thrown in the Saturday Box and locked in the closet until Saturday when they could get it back. That included shoes, homework, hubby's stuff etc.... She said it worked for her. Messy people probably need a messy area. Maybe their rooms could only be done once a week, like it had to be done by Fri or Sat before they could start any fun weekend activities. Hope you find a solution!

my boys clean their room once a week. is it spotless? no, but there is no dirty clothes around, beds are made, toys in boxes, and clean clothes put away. does it last long? heck no! i'm okay with that. hubby is typically fairly neat, but understands that a few times a week we all join in to pick up the joint areas of the house (kitchen, living room, etc.). that doesn't take long with 4 set of hands as long as they are all working.

now for worse case scenarios, this is what i do: if they refuse to clean their rooms, i bag it all up, stick it in the garage for a week. bring them down to a bed and their clothes, not even their fave toys or books. yes, they will notice by day 5 when they have nothing to do in their room. one more thing, as you bring it back into the room, you can choose it one bag/box at a time or all at once, depending on behavior. and make sure things are put in their proper place when they are brought back. i've done it numerous times to the 12 year old and a few times to the 6 year old.

Just wanted you to know we are in the same boat. If you figure out an answer please let me know :)

Do you live at my house? (lol!!) I have 3 boys 11,9, and 2 1/2 and my largest child is my husband. I have the same problem. It is like they don't even see the mess until I lose it. I did finally get the 2 older boys on a routine of emptying and loading the dishwasher every night. They take turns every other night. If you find a solution I would love to hear it. Thanks for this post, hopefully someone will have some great ideas!

Sounds like maybe you guys are just on opposite ends of the spectrum- you admitted you're an organization freak, and they don't seem to care too much. I say find a happy medium. Maybe they hate your cubbies/bins, etc., and would prefer a different organization method? Find something everyone agrees on and then compromise. For example, they are allowed to have rooms as messy as they like, but shared living spaces such as living room, entrance hall, dining room and study MUST be kept neat and picked up at all times. Good luck! My boys are 2 and 5, so I'm sure I'll be in your shoes in just a few years.

sounds like they are " getting away" with things. Once I, with their help, would give their rooms a good cleaning, hanging up clothes, places toys in proper places etc. then while i was doing that i would ask them with each toy or thing "do you want or need this?" I was surprised to find out ALOT of the "things" they did not want, so we donated them immediatley. That kept a lot of the "things" off the floor and made more space to put things up. Now, if they don't keep the room up and i tell them ONCE to pick up their rooms, I give them 30-45 mins to pick up their room, put dirty clothes in hamper etc.. They start to lose priviledges, not spending the night at grandparents house, no friends, no Xbox, EXTRA chores are given. I put on a timer and it sounds off. It works for me. I too have had it being the one to pickup after EVERYONE. I am done. Now the children vaccum, pick up the living room (quick 8 mins) gets done FAST! And kudos to your husband for keeping the kitchen clean and the boys for keeping the bathrooms clean, that is the least they could do!! Work the boys, you don't want their future wives to have to go through the same thing do you??? I don't.

Updated

My friend did the trash can thing, that really worked for him. The two girls new daddy was coming up the stairs with the trash can and they would run to pick up their rooms and whatever was out, was put in the trash can. yes, they did cry, but they were warned and they knew the NEXT time he was coming up the stairs, the girls rooms were better off then when they used to be. their rooms are much much better. It only took once to see he wasn't fooling around and meant business.

being boys has nothign to do with it.
Some people are just not cleaners. I am one of those people that cleaning does NOT come easy for.
Your sons are that way because they are kids.

I felt like you were discribing my house and my life! Only my boys are younger (6 1/2 and 5). But when I ask my husband to clean up, he says "Why, is someone coming over?". LOL like THAT's the only reason to clean. My advice, find a middle ground you can live with. For me, if the kitchen, living room, dinning room, entry way and guest bath are cleaned during the week, I'm good. About once a month I clean the boys room and their play room, throwing out stuff. And on the weekend, I make them pick up the items on the floor for about 30 minutes (again, mine are younger). I do give my husband tasks to do (even though I don't think I should have to because he can clearly see the mess) because that's what he requires. Finally, the best advise my mom gave me is, anyone who comes over to the house that has kids, understands your mess and you will NEVER get your house as clean as someone who doesn't have kids! So never apologize about it, it's your house. Hang in there.

Not just because they are male; my son is not messy, my daughter is. You have to be explicit in your expectations to your whole family. Break it down into small steps. At first, ask them for 15 solid minutes of help and no more. You would be surprised how much could be accomplished in that amount of time. Realize that you may have to take on more of the burden, at least for a while, because being clean makes you happy and they don't really care. Check out flylady.net for help.

Please please please do your future daughters-in-laws a favor!!! Teach them while they are YOUNG. Their marriages will be blessed by your time well spent now!!