Is Intellectual Stimulation a Thing of the Past?

Hi S.,

I have found audiobooks to be a great source of stimulation for times when I can't read. I listen to books during my long soul-draining commute - they make the time go by quickly and I feel like I have actually done something productive or at least entertaining. I subscribe to audible.com, which is pretty reasonable for audiobook downloads to burn to CDs or listen to on an iPod. Libraries also carry them.

I used a boppy pillow while I was nursing to position my daughter so I could read. I tried to do crossword puzzles, but never mastered the ability to write while nursing. I did develop an elaborate setup for hands-free pumping so I could write or work on the computer while I was doing it. It wasn't pretty, but it saved my sanity.

You're not alone in your lack of interest about poopy diapers and sleep cycles... I love my daughter more than anything on earth, but could never get into that stuff.

J.

S.,
There are a ton of mommy's groups you can involve yourself in. Such as, MOPS, Moms club of Pinellas, Mommy and Me, the Ymca has alot of things to offer as well. You could get yourself invovled in your community, take a class that interests you, get involved in a committee...etc. Don't feel breastfeeding has to keep you stuck in the house. A sling would be a good idea, or stick a nursing shawl in your purse for when you're on the go, you can discreetly breastfeed anywhere with it.

Also 2 months postpartum is a time alot of moms feel the "baby blues." This is a mild form of postpartum depression, but if you are feeling like you can't function normally because you're depressed, it would be a good idea to discuss this with your caregiver.

Hope this helps!

If you can breastfeed while lying on your side you can put a pillow in front of you to prop up your book, or even a crossword puzzle if your dominate hand is up. And get a sling to put her in while you do stuff online/around the house. They even make slings you can breastfeed in although how that works exactly I haven't bothered to explore yet since I believe the child has to be able to hold his or her head up and my son's neck is still all noodley. New Natives has some prewashed and factory seconds slings that they're selling for cheap. I think it's newnatives.com. Anyway there's these mommy groups too on meetups.com. There's bunches of them (both the groups and the mommies) and they get together on certain days and hang out. I don't know what you're in to but I belong to one called Naturally Attached Moms. There's also a Marsupial Moms thing that I think is a spin off and they meet and talk about baby wearing and stuff. I don't actually know, haven't been to one of those yet. There's a new mom's support group at Labor of Love birth center in Lutz (you don't have to have delivered at the birth center to go) on I think it's the first and third Monday of every month of something - the number there is ###-###-####.
Now if you'll excuse me I have to go deal with the nearly two inches of root I've got showing before the baby catches on that I'm accomplishing something.

Hi S....I agree that in this stage of babyhood, it can be a little daunting for mom b/c all you do at this stage is feed and change diapers but...more fun things are to come. The best thing to do for your baby is to love her and talk to her. Maybe you should talk to your doctor about these feelings you are having. You might be on the verge of being depressed. I hope things get better and you can find a balance. There are so many moms and dads who wish they could stay home with their kids. The older they get, the more rewarding it is. Good luck!

Being a stay at home mom is not for some. However, its beneficial to the child if we as mothers can love our child enough and are financially stable enough to stay at home and provide the loving care only a mother can give. Besides, any child in a daycare setting is sick much more often than a stay at home child. That has its downfalls and is beneficial at the same time. The more a child is sick (with colds) not so much the better but they do develop the antibodies to fight virus' that they will be exposed to as they get into public school. My child only two, knows the doctor and nurses on a first name basis because of the amount of visits because he attends a daycare since I have no choice but to work as a single mother. Not to mention the conversations I've had with daycare workers from negligant care. In this world you can't trust anyoone so I say if you have the ability to stay at home for a while do so, because NOBODY can care for your child like a loving mother can. Its mind numbing but because you have a child now, you will learn the nursery rhymes-all of them and the child appropriate shows but as a mother we have to suck it up because its reality. Also, the reality is you will forget things and your life will be filled with poopy diapers, lullibyes, and everything child like but we love our children just the same and will do everything in our power to help them learn, grow and be upstanding adults in our society. We have to remember we were once children too and only wanted to be loved and have the feeling that we were wanted children. As your child grows up and becomes more independant you will have even less time to yourself, so enjoy the little bit of time you do have because your life will get very crazy as your little one grows older. Take up a home based job is the only advice I can give to escape your boredom or mommy groups which I wouldn't do myself because I cant tolerate other woman in a group setting. Try to stimulate yourself because a mothers depression is dangerous because that means your mind is no longer focused on your child its now focused on yourself. After a child we are no longer about selfishly servicing our needs but the needs of a young person who has limited ability if at all to care for themselves.

Hi S.. Congratulations on your new baby and your decision to breastfeed her! Just curious- what prevents you from reading and doing crossword puzzles while nursing? My daughter nursed every 45 minutes until she was about 3-4 months old and reading and puzzles definetly kept me busy, lol. I know it can be draining to care for a newborn, but these days of napping in your arms and cooing only last for so long. Then you are chasing them all over the place when they are toddlers! I agree with the other mothers about seeing a doctor about possible post-partum. Hormones can be powerful things. And if you feel that staying at home with your baby isn't the best thing for your family, then you should definetly go back to work because your child will sense that you are unhappy. A happy mom is a happy home. If you do decide to stay home, that doesn't mean you have to stay in the house...go for a walk, go to the park, bring your baby with you to the library or museum, or join a moms club to make new friends. Good luck!

Now you know how your mom felt! Anyway, welcome to the daunting task of motherhood. You are depressed. I took meds for depression for about two years after my son was born. I had two in tow and nowhere to go!
I found repreve with two other moms at my church that felt like me, too. We did end up talking about the kids alot at first, but after a while of the kids getting together to play, we all were able to open up and really talk. Making new friends is tuff at any stage, but worth it for your sanity. Your working friends can't relate to you the way they used to, especially if they don't have kids.
Hang in there and get out into the world of motherhood...it's not as bad as I thought it was. You will naturally attract moms like you to be friends with.

The best about babies is their wonder to what you are doing, so get out there and do something. I loved to roller blade, so I strapped my daughter on my back with a back pack carrier (one that opens to a sitting position on the ground) and roller bladed. If she is too young for a back back get a frontal pack until she gets older. I also hiked, shopped, and many other things. You just pack a small backpack of diapers for the trip that fit goes on your back if she is in the front, or in the back pack carrier, and off you go. Most days, babies do fine. They of course have their off days, and it may take time for them to get used to being in the pack. But I started my daughter early and she was so used to it she wanted to go with mommy! Walk on the beach, go to a museum, shop, take day trips around Florida. What ever you like to do, find a way to take her with you. I was almost never bored, and my daughter now hates to sit around, and is ready to ride her bike, go on her scooter, play outside and keep herself entertained with an assortment of things (she is now 11). Good luck, it's worth it!

Why not read a book? I would prop my little one up on the boppy pillow and read until my heart was content, or my eyes fell shut, which ever came first. :)

Slings are a great way to free up your hands, while keeping her close and happy. I loved my Moby Wrap, I could tuck her in and keep going with whatever I wanted to do. peppermint.com has a great comparison chart on all the different types of wraps available. I am an advocate for the Moby, it was so great I could even nurse her in it, while completely covered, and walk around doing whatever. The weirdiest thing I ever did while she was nursing in it was to try on pants at Chiccos. Took some talent, but it worked.

Don't worry, it won't be long before she changes into a more entertaining stage :)

P.

First- Congratulations on nursing your little one, even though she is a long nurser. Hang in there..she needs you :-) Everything only last for so long and then each phase passes. All of this time only lasts for a blink of an eye, then it's gone...do whatever you need to in order to make this more enjoyable...

I second the recommendation of going to a babywearing meeting and finding out about a good sling and wearing your baby so you can get up/out and do other things rather than sit home staring at a newborn all day! You can wear her or nurse while cleaning, cooking, using the computer, reading, walking through the neighborhood or the mall! There is really no need to stay home all day and doing nothing else!

It is totally normal for a baby to want to be held alot, especially when napping. If you giver her what she needs now, you will have nurtured a baby into becoming a well adjusted child that is secure and trusting and relaxed/comfortable rather than insecure and anxious. Keep her close. I remember my 1st being a major adjustment for me too...your entire world has just changed and it is no longer easy to do everything you have enjoyed for yourself (reading, crosswords, vacations, hot baths)....now you have a baby to focus on instead and this is a huge adjustment for a 1st time mom to now switch focus from yourself to someone else. Don't worry, you are normal. Once you become adjusted and let some of that go, you will be happier with providing for her needs and giving up some of the things you used to be able to do all the time.

Join a local moms group or baby/mom activity center! Come out to the Morton Plant Nursing moms care/share group held at Morton Plant Hosp every 1st and 3rd Fri of each month...you can get support (like this, but in person) from other moms and the lactation consultant for everything from nursing to parenting, including depression. There is also the MOMS Club where you can meet other new moms and attend regularly scheduled playdates/meet-ups to get out and see other people. You can attend mom/child activities at Gymboree, local hospitals, local gymnastics centers, parks...many places! If I hadn't gotten out and gotten involved, I would have probably started to get cabin and baby crazy too :-)

I would get a Dr opinion on pp depression (it's common and treatable!) - you really want to feel differently about your newborn and your parenting experience, this is a time to cherish and remember.... I would get out and get involved, talk to other moms and get some advice and help for how to make things more enjoyable and easier (like babywearing). I wish you and your newborn the best!!

I think that you should seriously consider that you may have post-partum depression. Such as evident from your example of "wanting to sleep all the time to escape boredom."

Yeah, the first 2 or 3 months are a bit slow going. Get yourself a "Baby's First Year Journal". There is advice and insights on what your baby is working on developmentally. If you have something to watch out for (progress) maybe you won't feel like being a mom is so mindless. Your baby is learning everything from motor skills to language (therefore don't feel like you have to coo incessently) skills, her vision is improving everyday. She's learning how to mimic, smile, and laugh, roll, reach and grasp over these next few months. She'll learn to tripod sit, then sit on her own. After that comes learning to sit up on her own, then crawling, then standing, then walking. By her birthday she'll be able to play simple games and follow simple directions (hard to believe sometimes, huh? But if you say, "Time for a diaper." Or "Let's get dressed!" They'll know exactly what you're talking about by that age.)

If your daughter likes to be held while she sleeps (been there, done that), try swaddling her. That worked well for us...along with a few naps in the wonderful swing.

All moms do need down time so they don't feel like they're going crazy or overwhelmed. Find yourself a family member that can babysit a few hours a week. Grandparents, aunts, and Daddy all are great options since they would probably like to bond with the new baby, too. An occasional bottle for the baby when you go out WILL NOT CONFUSE HER as all the breast-feeding proponents always say. So don't worry about that. And don't be afraid to talk on the phone if you do end up holding her while she's sleeping. I'm sure she'd enjoy the sound of your voice, and the background noise will make her a GREAT, heavy sleeper in the months/years to come.
Good luck!

Check w/ your Dr about postpardum.

I definitely can relate. I could never make a good stay-at-home mom for similar reasons. You might consider taking a class; depending on your interests, you could take a graduate course at a university, a more technical course at a community college, or classes offered by a community center, organization, or business (photography, pottery, quilting, etc.)

With my first, I was unemployed for 6 months, and took a graduate-level night class (in a social science) that started when she was 1 month old. I got to read lots of interesting stuff, write papers on topics about which I was interested, and interact with adults who had similar intellectual interests. By the time my daughter was one, I was enrolled full-time in a PhD program. I have added a son who is almost 2. I have been able to balance two young kids and a graduate education because I love each better when I get to split my time between them. I can talk about baby poop or global health with ease.

You might buy a sling so that you can "wear" your daughter while doing other things. They are also nice for breastfeeding while reading, cooking (only non-hot things!), or cleaning.

Good luck to you!

Being a first time Mom and staying at home is like being in the twilight zone. We have all been there. You need to break up your routine and get out of the house -- even if you put the baby in a stroller and go walk around the mall -- not to buy anything or shop, but just to get out and see people again. Even taking the baby in a stroller to a park and walking is good for you and her. I only suggest the mall because you can eat while you are there. Whatever you do, do not sit at home all day. There are also mom clubs out there who meet several times a week to get out and excersize etc., google them online.!! Let us know how you do?!!

If you can wear your baby, you can do lots of things. I would suggest joining the pinellas babywearing group, you can go and learn how to nurse in a sling, which will enable you to get lots of stuff done. The website is http://groups.yahoo.com/group/PinellasBabywearing/

If you are in Tampa, there's a great babywearing group there called Marsupial Moms. You can google them.

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I too stay home with my son and he is now 11 months old, and being home is boring. Try planning things to do.l I know the economy is struggling right now and your baby is very young, but even if you plan things like going to the grocery store or volunteering (somewhere where you can bring baby) will at least give you something to look forward to. I work at a church on Sundays and do a Bible study on Thursdays and I feel a little more sane. My days are primiarly still pretty boring, but I find that having something to look forward to is great. Here is another idea that I use to help fill my day and save money: I clip every coupon out of the newspaper on Sundays, then I look at the weekly ads of the local stores online. After doing this I figure out how much money I can save by buying a certain thing at store X and use a coupon. Sometimes I get boxes of rice for $.19 when I have a coupon and they have a BOGO. After doing all of my research I get in the car with my son and we take an entire day to go from store to store and get the best deals. I probably save about $50-100 per week (depending on how much food I buy). This whole process takes at least three days, as I have to work around my son's schedule. I have found (as I too nurse my son) that Wal-mart, Target, and Publix are very baby friendly. When my son, Nicholas, gets hungry I go to one of the dining areas and sit and feed him and when he is done we continue to shop. I bring a book to read while I nurse because he takes 30-45 minutes to finish a meal. I use the table to set my book on and I try to enjoy my time. As far as what I do with the coupons I don't use... I donate them. We have a health center about 10 minutes away and they have a coupon donation box. Making the trip once a week to donate my coupons gives me one extra free activity to do. Good luck. Be creative and stay positive, as soon as your baby gets on a regular schedule you will feel much better! Keep nursing, you can do it!

I know exacltly how you feel, and I feel your pain! While it is always good to get checked, I don't necessarily think you are depressed. I just had my second baby and I think he is the greatest thing on Earth and I am definitely not depressed, but I still find it EXTREMELY boring to stay at home with him all day. I find myself wishing he would breastfeed for more than 10 minutes so I wouldn't have to come up with ways to entertain him - lol!

Will your daughter fall asleep in the stroller? Then you could get out of the house and go for a walk to put her to sleep and then just wheel the stroller in the house once she is asleep and read a book or do whatever else you want to do. I did this with my first son until he was 2 because he refused to nap in his crib and it wasn't worth the battle anyway.

Are there other SAHM's in your neighborhood? The other moms in my neighborhood have saved my sanity! And we don't just talk about diapers and babies all day. You may have to try out several moms groups before you find one that fits, but I'm sure there is one. Our neighborhood has Girl's Nights Out, playgroups, and parties on a regular basis and we are very informal. It might be worth forming your own group too. Even if you can just find one good friend out of it, I think it would help a lot. Hope this helps :)

Wow S., you sound just like me....Let's face it, being a SAHM is boring and so are other mom's...lol...I too find talking about babies very boring and that's all mom's want to talk about unfortunately..Even those mom groups are a bunch of goodie goodie mom's, no thanks (tried it once out of desperation)...I am expecting my second child in a couple of weeks but in the meantime take my 3 yr. old son to the park where all the boring talk takes place...I know that that is all a stranger is going to talk about w/ya cause they don't know ya, but I hear ya...I've even gotten phone numbers from others, they've suggested it first, but I never have the desire to call them cause I know it's just boring get togethers/play dates consisting of small talk about kids..God I hate small talk. I even made an excuse to avoid a 2 yr. old's b-day party last Saturday...ha ha....I too would have to pay high daycare etc. if I went back full time and plus have another one on the way that I wouldn't want to put in daycare anyway....Just hang in there and try to remember that you'll only do this once in life w/your kid/kids (I'm sure you're sick of hearing that but it is true)...We should start up a group of "fun mom's" where we get together and eat and drink cocktails and talk trash on people, talk about anything besides kids like we used to do before we had them....No playdates allowed!!!! It's hard to find those people though cause most people are so overly dedicated to being a boring mom and they judge if you aren't...Just hang in there...I can't wait to gou out and have a few drinks and get loud once my in-laws get here from NY so they can babysit....ha ha...Maybe we can meet up sometime..As far as keeping yourself entertained all day, don't know what to tell ya there, sleeping is good, when your child gets older, you can to to the park, oh boy!!! Do you babysitters so you can go out on weekends? That would be nice cause I don't unless it's Dec-March but that's it...Take care!!

Get involved in something good! Something that is designed to help others. I am meeting with a group of business women who are starting a 501c3 for a horse rescue that uses its horses to reach out to those in the community who are suffering from some kind of disadvantage. We are in the writing stages and it's a come as you are situation. The women bring their kids, they come in barn clothes because after the meeting most of us go clean stalls.

This is stimulating talk and really challenging thinking. Perhaps you could find something like this... or perhaps your skill set would mesh into this project... It will get you out of the house and give you a goal while you are home.

Hope this helps.

S.,

You sound just like me, when my daughter was 8 weeks old. I thought I was going to go crazy. (I also had a serious car accident when my daughter was 3 weeks old which didn't help). All I had was nursery rhymes going through my head.

If you can find a Mom's group, la leche, friend who will pay for coffee (decaf of course, church group, anything. Talk to you Dr. about post-partum depression. I am just now weaning myself off of medication & my daughter is almost 2 yr. It took me 3-4 months to get back to normal. I started going back to work part time & now full time. I felt like I couldn't do any thing. Including relatively simple tasks & decisions with my job that I had done for many years.

It will take time, but it will get better. I emotionally feel like I did before I got pregnant (physically is another story still have 50# of extra baby wt)

I am certainly no doctor, but it sounds to me like classic post partum depression. See your doctor to get a rx. Also, it will take a couple weeks to start noticing that you are feeling better. so don't stop after a few days if you think it is not working. Good luck!