My husband has plans on Thursday to take our older boys into the city for a charity sporting event. He will be leaving at 1:30 PM and won't be back until later in the evening (6:30 or 7). Our 5-year-old will be in daycare that day per usual and I will be working in my office and then teaching at night. He normally picks up the kids from daycare/school on Thursdays.
My father in law is flying in that day and will be landing at 2 and theoretically in our area by 3 and would like to see the kids. He picks up his car at his mother's house (DH's grandmother's house). I suggested that after he visits with his mom and picks up his car, he could pick up our son from daycare and then go to our house and DH and the rest of the kids could join him and they could have dinner, hang out etc.
For whatever reason, DH would prefer to pick up our son at daycare and drop him off at his grandmother's house so that she can watch him from 1:30 until FIL gets there (close to 2 hours assuming no delays). GMIL is a rock star among women, but she's 92 years old and he hasn't asked her permission yet. I think this idea is just nuts - she loves our children but has never requested to baby-sit them alone. She has watched them for an hour or two here and there when we were in a bind but that's with the older kids there to help and us very nearby (15 minutes away). Our 5-year-old is a great kid, very laid back and would probably just hang out, have snacks, play games and watch TV but I think it's way too much to ask of her. She lives by herself and is totally independent and healthy, but at 92, a health emergency is lurking around every corner. I think that DH has no appreciation for how exhausting her day is anyway (she puts on a good face but definitely gets worn out at family events), doesn't recognize that even super woman has her limits and if she has an emergency, I don't want my 5-year-old to witness it.
What do you think? Am I being too conservative or is DH nuts? Should I allow him to ask her? I'm afraid that if he does, even if it's an imposition or she's not 100% comfortable with the idea that she would say yes anyway and I don't want him to put her on the spot. Additionally, our son actually enjoys his afternoons at daycare (his best buddy gets there at 11) and I would prefer that he spend his day there and then be with family at the end of his day.
Yeah... She may be the most awesome lady in the world... but physically she isn't up to handling a 5 year old on her own. It's not worth the risk, especially when there is another option. I'm with you on this one.
My vote is DH is nuts. I would not have a 92 year old woman babysit a 5 year old, no matter what kind of shape she is in. I'm with you on this one. I mean, what if she suddenly has a stroke or falls and breaks a hip?
Well first of all I still have my grandmom she is 91yrs and she is wonderful with my kids. Unless my parents are with my grandmmom I would be a bit nervous. Watching young children at that age is very tiring. She could trip over one of the kids. Fall down the stairs. I don't think its a good idea.
My grandmother is also 90 and very spry, etc, but I would never ask her to watch our kids without us. If your son were ten or twelve, I'd say go for it, but a 5 year old requires too much energy and attention. Don't put her in the spot of having to say she's not up for it.
I think it's too much. Even for a rock star 94 year old. I have a rock star 78 year old MIL and it's too much for her to watch my 3 year old for any length of time, even though she says it's fine it's clearly too much for her. I think your plan sounds better, unless you or your husband don't trust your FIL driving your son home from daycare.
No way would I allow that. You can only be SO healthy at 92. She is probably very healthy for her age, and that's completely different. Not only is there the risk of something happening to her (falling is a HUGE risk at this age, and it usually results in very broken bones) and your son having to react, her reaction time to your son (if something happened) is incredibly slowed. Emergencies require quick, efficient, and sharp care. I would not trust any 92 year old to be able to be quick in that situation.
I agree, why put a 92 year old through that when you have a better alternative with daycare?
My grandma is 90 and there is no way she could manage my kids (ages 5 and 2). My 5 year old son is very high energy and a 2 hour visit when I am there tires her out. She is a grandma to 9 grandkids and 2 great grandkids. She does sometimes stay with her grandson in high school and the siblings who are 9 and 16 but not often. Obviously 5 is a lot different from a teenager or even a calm 9 or 10 year old.
Totally agree with you! At 92? It's amazing and great she is living independantly and that she is able to watch your kiddos in a bind for short periods of time, but if she's anything like my husband's grandmother who is close to the same age, she never knows how she's going to feel day to day. She's also healthy, on her own, etc., but she tires more easily. I think it's too much to ask of her, personally.
Go with your gut instinct - DH is probably not as observant of Grandma's abilities!
That's a tough one, like she might say "yes" out of obligation or not to hurt anyones feelings. Personally I would not be comfortable with it since she has never watched your child before. I have several family members that are in their 90's that are ok but not ok enough to watch a 5 yr old. I'd have to say NO due to no prior history of watching your child alone. Your child would probably be a little uncomfortable too. I'd say if your kid was 10 it would probably be okay, but 5.... oy.
I dont think your husband is crazy. And he may very well be correct in assuming that it would all go fine since your son is laid back and would probably entertain himself and be a good boy........ Maybe talk to your son about it and feel him out, and if he wants to do it then go ahead and ask gmil if she would like to take on the task. You say she's a rockstar and your boy is a good mannered kid, they might have a really wonderful little one on one visit. If your son knows how to use a phone, you are only a phone call away if there did happen to be an emergency, but the chances of that are probably pretty slim.
I totally understand where you are coming from tho, if there was a medical emergency people would then say "wow, why did they leave their child with a 92 year old?"... I get that.
Never in a million years would I let my grandparents or my husbands grandparents babysit for my children, and they are in their eighties! I think it's far too much to ask, no matter how laid back and helpful the child is, and you made the point perfectly...at 92, anything could happen. What seems like the picture of perfect old health could just pass away at any moment...not to be crass, but that's the simple truth of life. I have had nightmares sort of like this...about what my six year old would do if with someone who got hurt, etc...and I think in that event it would be traumatic.
I would ask her. If she's otherwise spry and the kids are not helpless, a couple of hours would probably be OK if SHE wants to do it. My in-laws do not want to babysit due to their health concerns, but my grandfather was often our caregiver after school when I was little. Sure, we didn't go to the park so much but I got really good at Wheel of Fortune, learned some stupid jokes, and got some quality time with him that I cherish now that he's gone.
I would have him ask her like you would ask anybody - so you don't impose. Let her know that you have another plan, but this was a thought you wanted to run by her.
Absolutely have your son go to daycare and save visiting for later in the day. I would think that your husband's grandma would like to be rested up for when your FIL gets to her house.
You are being very respectful of her, and wise to protect your son from witnessing a potential emergency.
@Laurie A. How are we being "over the top" when J.B. clearly stated that Great Grandma gets tired easily? It's not over the top to be respectful of an elderly person.
I think it depends on the kids, their ages and the 92 year old. I don't know a 92 year old who I would leave my boys with. I know a number of relatives and folks in their late 80s and 90s, but they just don't have the energy and strength to handle really young toddlers and kids. My kids are 2 and 5. My 65 year old mother in law is youthful, in good shape and still works full time, but she can only handle them for a night! If the kids are a lot older and can basically take care of themselves, but they're not quite old enough to leave alone, then I wouldn't have a problem with it. Even though my MIL is 65 and my dad is 73 -and both are in good health -I've taught my oldest (who just turned 5) to call 911 if ANYONE sitting for him and his little brother cannot talk, walk, wake up or is bleeding badly. When he was 3 he knew 911! I just figure anyone can pass out, have a heart attack, etc. -so they need to know that info anyway.
I agree with you. My mom is 74 and our babysitter, in excellent health, but it makes me nervous. My 7 year old knows 911 and I have expained that if any of us get hurt or fall down, she is to call 911. But it is my mom I have in mind.
Odds are, nothing will happen in 2 hours. But I think it is a perfectly reasonable concern, and you sholdn't do it if it makes you so nervous.
The reason I think you are all over the top is because this mom is assuming.
It is only a few hours, her child is "laid back." If Great Grand cannot do it she will say, but at least give her the option. People tend to underestimate children and the elderly.
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Wow, I cannot wait for you moms to turn 70 and realize how over the top all of you are.
The 70 year olds that I know are on the go and not slowing down at ALL!
My grandmother is 90 and takes care of Great Great grand children with no problems. Hell she still works!
I guess because all of my grand parents and my husbands grand parents lived into their 90's and early 100.. I have a very different perspective.
If you do not think you would feel comfortable, for goodness sakes don't do it. Follow your mommy heat and brain.
But I think it is sad that your child will not have that alone time with this great grandmother because you think int those few hours she could have a health issue, if right now she is in fine health. Our daughter knew all of her Great grandparents, except 1.She adored them and got to spend a ton of time with them. And yes, they did watch her with no problems many times.. There are such things as cell phones. They could call if there was a real emergency.
I'm not even gonna answer this one.
I think that would be horrible to ask that of her, wayyy too much for her physically on her own. Plus, if watching him alone for a few hours tires her out, she may not be up to enjoying him for the rest of the evening even after others are there to help. My great-aunt and uncle are in their 80's and just ADORE all the little ones (just like they did my generation!) but I can remember even us kids would tire them out quickly, 15yrs ago! They always love having the kids stay over and visit alot, but only with someone else there to really do the bulk of care, while they just enjoy them.
I say let him stay at day-care and then they can visit safely and she can just enjoy him!
I completely think she is too old to babysit! In fact, my mother in law is 85 because she had my husband in her forties. Anyway, sometimes he wants her to watch my toddler and preschooler, but I think it's way too much.
One time she left this huge knife on the counter and my 3 year old, now four, almost picked it up. Then, when she stayed over one time, she dropped her pills all over the floor where my baby crawls.
Grant it, a five year old is much more mature. However, if there was an emergency, what would he do? Again, he's old enough to call 911. I just don't think it's safe though and definitely too much for your mother in law!
If he/she is able bodied, and the kids are good, yes its ok.
I don't think you are giving her credit where it is due and simply "labeling" her with a number. Just because she is 92, does not mean that she isn't capable of watching a child for a couple of hours. I'm sure your kid will be fine with her. He's old enough to know about 911 and should be taught that anyways, but certainly could call it IF something were to happen to her in those couple of hours.
There is a REASON why they say "retired"...my mother is 72 and, is most likey, more physically fit and "spry" (as they say) than most...I STILL wouldnt "expect" her to watch MY 4 year old.....if I had a mature 10-12 year old...maybe....Grandparents are just that sometimes...Grandparents...
I also think it has to do with "mindset".....sometimes older folks forget things...
OK - I totally thought you were kidding.... No way would I have a 92 yr old babysit no matter how healthy she is. In my opinion, that is asking way to much of her physically. Not to mention what if the flight is delayed or there is some sort of an emergency for her or your son? I'd go with another option - preschool, playdate at a friends house, local babysitter....Just my 2 cents....
My grandmother just turned 83 and I wouldn't have her watch my 10, 8, and 6 year olds. She just couldn't handle it even with back-up from my 87 year old grandfather. Even if they tag teamed with one of my able bodied brothers.
I think your husband has high expectations and thinks that watching children is a lot easier than it actually is and is underestimating the energy required to handle it all. Don't allow him to ask his grandmother to babysit. It would be a burden in this instance.
I feel like there is no difference of when you're in a bind or the situation now, because it would be considered in a bind. If you feel she is healthy then go for it! The health emergency lurking sounds honestly like a way to talk yourself out of it as well as a very bad thought. I think you should clear the negative thought and see how it goes. The older people are the best baby sitters!
My 4-year-old grandson stays with our 91-year-old Auntie, at least twice a week for about an hour at a time, while family members run her errands (grocery store, mail, etc.). They both enjoy each other's company and she plays with him. She looks forward to his coming over.
I don't see anything wrong with leaving your son with his great grandma for a short time period.
If she is in good health and loves kids it should be okay. Make sure you send some toys and maybe a portable DVD player and DVD's so your son has something to do.
Check with his Grandmother and see if she knows of a 12-15 yr old neighbor kid who might want to earn a few bucks and come hang out with your son at her house for a few hours. Would you be willing to pay a pre teen or teen for a little peace of mind?
it really depends on the child and the adult. how do they interact when they are together, do they have anything in common, does she have the energy to keep up with your sons activity level. My sister used to "take care of" our great grandfather when we were little. my mom didn't want to leave her alone (she was probably 8 or 9 and felt she was too old for a babysitter) and my great grandfather lived on the 3rd floor and had no air conditioning so we were concerned about him in the hot summer months. Mom asked great grandfather (in his late 80's) to watch my sister for the summer and asked my sister to keep an eye on him. they both had a great time together playing board games and that sort of thing. at the same time my grandmother loves my son but can not be around him too long because of his energy and the noises he makes when playing (trucks, cars, planes - everything has noise) and even when she was in her early 80's could not have handled being with him alone for any length of time.
When I saw your title, I thought no way but after reading it, I think it would be nice for the both of them. Only thing is you need a plan if the flight is delayed. It might make a nice memory for both of them.
