Is 11 Too Young to Do Laundry?

Too young. No way. Clothes on floor and in bathroom! She gets one chance to pick up and get in washing machine. If not, they go into the big plastic bag and she has to earn them back. You are not her maid.

My 8 year old boy does the laundry. The only problem is that he's too little to reach the washing line! He actually likes doing it.

I agree with mymission. My son saved for Tommy Hilfiger clothes years ago. I washed a shirt and it faded. I paid him back for it but that began his desire tondo his own laundry. To this day he is better than I at it.

Heck no. I did my laundry starting at 9. Did you really not do laundry until you were 23??? Wow. Also WOW...your daughter is free to berate and insult you, and your husband is fine with that? I don't even see the laundry as the problem. I would get marriage and family counseling for the situation you described!!

Absolutely she can do it.
But the bigger problem here is the disrespect.
My husband would be furious if (when, because it's happened) my daughter spoke to me like that. Calling you lazy, and your husband doesn't come down on her HARD about showing you some respect? NOT okay, NOT cool. I'd have a sit down with both of them.

Of course an 11 year can do laundry but this is not about the laundry at all.

You have much bigger issues if your daughter yells at you, berates you, calls you lazy and your husband thinks you should shut up and do her laundry.

If I was in your situation I'd pick up ALL her non uniform clothes and donate them to a kid who appreciates and respects her Mom.

I was doing my own laundry once I could reach the buttons. For me, this was around 8 or 9. I am over 6 feet as an adult and have always been tall. My mother taught me how to use the washer, dryer, stove, iron, etc. based on if I could safely reach the mechanisms and use them properly with supervision. 11 should be plenty tall and old enough to help out with the laundry. I hate the you are a SAHM and this is your job excuse. When is she going to learn this life skill? When she is out of the house? Laundry is something she can help with - not just her own either. I think the house can take on this task. Do you have a lot of clothes that require special care? If so, then limit her to her own laundry if not, then keep the special care in it's own bin and only you handle them and she or anyone else can start, switch the rest. Basically, one of the "just got home" chores are to check the washer/dryer and see if anything needs to be done.

When I was 12, not much older than her, my mom was a single mother and I was tasked to do the following when I got home from school:
Confirm dinner was pulled down in the morning and thawing or thawed - if not correct that
Throw a load into the washer or dryer depending, my mother's clothes were hang dry (like mine are now) I did whatever was in the wash to be done.
Call my mother to let her know about dinner, find a back up plan incase it will not thaw in time (if it was forgotten in the am by her).
Do my own homework
Complete the dishes
On any given day I also had to do many of the regular household chores.
If I can handle all that at 12 while maintaining grades to nearly 4.0 then she can handle helping with her own laundry.

They are called life skills, and too many kids "grow up" with out them.

Wow!

11 is perfectly old enough to do her own laundry. It is good training for her for when she goes off on her own...or off to college. What a sense of entitlement she has!

***For that matter, so does your hubby.***

He is perfectly capable of doing his OWN laundry as well.

I personally would go on a laundry strike for a bit. I would get them each a laundry basket, small detergent etc. Then let THEM have at it for a while.

Eleven is certainly NOT to young to do laundry. Switching loads or folding and putting away at the very least.

The rule in our house: if it's not in the bin, it doesn't get washed. Period.

It's not my responsibility to pick up all the clothes and towels off the floor and go through each room performing the smell test on every piece of clothing in the house.

And seriously, your hubs needs to get a clue. I would not tolerate being told that it's my job to do that. He is perfectly capable of doing it himself. My husband could do laundry too; he knows it's a privilege and a blessing that I do the laundry (and I prefer to). But he must also follow the rules.

Yes, an 11 year old can do laundry. But if you are a SAHM and your daughter is very busy, there is nothing wrong with you doing her laundry.

***HOWEVER*** -- If my 11 year old called me LAZY??!!! She would be doing her own dam* laundry. She would also be doing her own dam* laundry if SHE were too lazy to put her laundry in the hamper. (And then have the nerve to call YOU lazy??!!!)

Kids don't get to call their parents names, period. If my kids dared to call me lazy there'd be hell to pay.

Make her do her laundry for a month as a consequence for calling you lazy. And then, if she's stopped calling you names, and apologizes, and stops being so lazy that she throws her clothes on the floor instead of the hamper, THEN you can do her laundry for her again.

(And yeah, I agree with Laura -- throw in a few more chores for good measure.)

Meanwhile, have her call your husband lazy and see what HIS reaction is.

Eleven is nothing like too young.

Did you ever read the Laura Ingalls Wilder books? She was doing major household chores at 4. And in many non-industralized societies, six-year-old girls can and are expected to cook for the entire family.

Having her do her own laundry now is essential preparation for ... doing her own laundry for the rest of her life. Not to mention taking basic responsibility for herself.

Your daughter's reaction sounds like typical preteen drama. If you can stand your ground without returning drama for drama (easier said than done of course), that's probably the best response.

I also don't think a child should be allowed to name-call and tell her mom she's lazy. That sounds like a loss-of-privileges moment to me.

And your husband needs to go to ... respect school. Respect boot camp, something like that.

Absolutely not. My aunt hit on the idea of the kids doing laundry when my slightly older cousin was 12 and then my mom thought it was a GREAT idea....so much to our dismay, my cousins and I were doing laundry by the time we were 11 or 12. Honestly, even my 5 yr old can do some of the process.

I would simply teach her how to do it, teach her where all the supplies are, wash and dry a load with her watching and assisting, and then have her take up the job. You're asking her to keep track of her OWN laundry, right? I might make sure she has a clean uniform if I know she's out, but otherwise, she can do it. I realize it seems daunting to her, but it does NOT take that long to throw in a load. It's not like she has to go beat them on a rock. My SS also did sports and would come home, throw in his disgusting gear, take his shower and start his HW while it was running. Voila, lesson on time management!

And, sure, I've done a load or moved it to the dryer to help out/keep up the flow, but if the kids come home with three bags of laundry, I'm not doing it FOR them. If they really need someone to do all that they can pay the laundromat. Time vs money. I don't see it as being mean. I see it as expecting them to be capable people.

Now, part 2 is you're not getting any back up from DH because you are a SAHM. If your house is your job, then you are the manager and can delegate. I am a WAHM and my DH still does things around the house. I was so angry with him implying I did nothing that I wrote down everything I did - from the number of times HE interrupted me with his phone calls or emails, to how many times I chased a kid into the bathroom or did some pee laundry or took the cat to the vet, got a gallon of milk, picked up a kid from school because she was sick (so HE could stay at work), etc. etc. Your job is so much more than sitting around watching TV. My DH did not like my list, but he shut up about what wasn't done after that. And if your DH thinks it's so onerous for her to do it - maybe he should do it for her.

Part 3 is life skills. Your mom did laundry til you were 23 - how did you learn? There were things we wanted my sks to know before they went to college, and that included basic cooking, sewing and things like laundry. I wasn't following SS to university to wash his clothes. So he had to learn. And he learned by picking up that chore at home. If you got hit by a bus (my uncle died suddenly at 40), at least your daughter would know how to wash her uniform.

Oh, and she is allowed to be unhappy, but I would not accept being yelled at. This is what it is, you take it or leave it, if you leave it you don't have clean clothes. Then ignore her just like you would if she were 2.

Again, part of the issue seems to be your DH. If he doesn't have your back, then she's going to continue with this behavior, which is not something you should put up with.

When my SD left stuff on the bathroom floor, we picked up the towels and things that were common property and then we warned her that her clothes would go away. Either she took care of them or her behavior showed she didn't care and we could donate them. Sometimes we did donate them. Leaving her stuff around the house expecting the clean up fairy to pick up after her was rude to everyone else.

Wow! After those two conversations I think I would be having my daughter AND my husband do their own laundry!

How dare she call her mom lazy and how dare he tell you it's your job to pick up after your very capable daughter. It's time they both treated you with the respect you deserve.

11 is certainly not too young. If anything, I think you're getting started with teaching her a little late.

I have two boys. They've been doing laundry since they were 7. They're now 10 and 12.

To start with, when their basket in the hallway was full, they were required to bring it downstairs, put the laundry in the washer, put the measured amount of soap in, and start it up. I taught them how. When the washer finished, they were to put the laundry in the dryer with a fabric softener sheet. Once it was done, they'd bring it upstairs and we'd all fold it together. They'd put it away.

Once they were capable of folding it themselves, I stopped assisting them. They do their own laundry, from start to finish.

If she doesn't have enough time in her day to do chores that SHOULD be HER responsibility, perhaps it's time to cut back on some extracurricular activities. SHE wears those clothes and drops them onto the floor. SHE can do her own laundry. I think you're raising an entitled little monster if you don't nip that "that's not my job even though I made the mess" attitude in the bud right now.

Also, your husband needs a reminder: You're raising children to be responsible adults, not children to be adult children who are incapable of doing anything for themselves.

Wow, ummmm the yelling is totally out of line. The laundry is important but it sounds like you have a pre-teen who doesn't respect you and that is only going to get worse, a lot worse, as she gets older.

She is old enough to do at least one load of laundry a week. Discuss with her and write out a schedule for her that includes all of her activities and chores. The thing about laundry is most of it is waiting. Waiting for the washer to be done, waiting for the dryer to finish. She can be doing other things like practice the piano while she is waiting. After that, she can choose the hang-up and fold her clothes, or wear wrinkled clothes. it would be up to her.

My mom and I had an argument about laundry around that age. That's when she said, 'You do your own laundry going forward now.' And I did; I no longer had a choice. Of course your daughter is old enough to do laundry, tell your husband that he's being silly and rewarding her disrespectful behavior.

She is NOT too young to do laundry.
And the fact that she has the nerve to call YOU lazy is pretty troubling. If she can't be considerate enough to put her dirty clothes in a hamper or laundry room, too bad.
As parents its our job to teach them how to take care of themselves and be functioning capable adults. Not dependent ones. So does your husband think that if you worked outside the home she should pick up after herself? That makes no sense. She's 11, not 2. My 3 and 5 yr old pick up after themelves. The 5 yr started bringing home library books and right away I'd find them on the floor. I told them they are HIS responsibility. And if they get lost or ruined, HE will pay to replace them. If he can't find something, I explain that if he had put it where it should be, he'd know where it is. And we go over and over where things belong. When he changes his clothes he has been taught to take the dirty ones right to the laundry room.
And when he gives me a hard time, be at the store or at home, I put him to work! I refuse to raise entitled disrespectful kids. You think it's solely MY job to do everything for everyone in the house? I'll show them different! You are NOT a maid. You are her mom. Put your foot down! It takes a whole family to keep a house running, not just you!

The huge red flag in your post is the way she berates and yells at you?!?!?!

Are you serious???? I would not tolerate that response for a heart beat. If her clothes are not in the dirty hamper, they are not getting done. Period.

And you mama, and family, need to come up with a better laundry system. One that works. If you are only going to provide a couple of favorite outfits for after uniforms, then you need to get the laundry done faster.

And yes, to answer your first question...my kids have been helping with their laundry since they knew their colors. Meaning they have helped me sort and load, and turn over and fold since they were about 3 years old.

And my kids are just as busy as yours, maybe busier. I have 2 competitive athletes at home right now. Use to be 3. And like you I am in and out all...day...long.

I don't get the dusting/vacuuming done, but I for sure get the laundry done. The laundry that the kids have pre-sorted. I don't pick up clothes off their floors. It's very simple. I say, "you will go nowhere until I can see your floor."

This may come off weird... But my 11yo has been doing his laundry twice a week -unassisted- since he was 5. Prior to 5 he'd been doing everything (except lifting him up to reach) since he was 2.

So.... I'd say if a 2yo, or 5yo, can do it... An 11yo certainly can.

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I've also watched my niece and nephew over summer break for years. One is PDD-NOS (both my son & his other cousin are ADHD). All 3 so their own laundry lickety split. As has every kid I've nannied for. It's really incredibly simple.

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if your daughter is too busy to spend 25 seconds washing her own clothes.... She's got serious problems. ;)

Not too young.
My single mom was really sick with colon cancer when I was 11. She had two major abdominal surgeries in the span of 3 mos.
Being the only kid living at home, I cooked our dinner, did ALL the laundry, cleaning, mowed the grass, walked to the grocery store/drug store, walked to town and paid the bills. I'd even walk to the library and check out library books for her so she could read some when she felt like it.
I also took piano (which I rode my bike to) and went to school and participated in extracurricular activities. Meanwhile being a straight-A student.
Anyway, I'm not trying to be overdramatic, just putting it into perspective for you and she. At 11, she should be doing even more than laundry to help you out!

I think that having an 11 year old daughter yelling at you and berating you for not having her laundry done (or any other reason) is a bigger issue than whether or not to teach her to do laundry. And your husband not having a problem with her behavior and lack of respect towards you is an even BIGGER problem than the one with your daughter.

That said, it all depends on what you want to teach your daughter. Do you want her to learn that it is mom's job to slave for the personal needs of the family alone, and that other family members are not supposed to pitch in? Or do you want to teach her how to start being self-sufficient and to pitch in as needed and expect the same from other important people in her life (i.e. a future spouse)?

I am a SAHM also. And taking care of the house/kids, etc, is my "job", too. But not in the sense that you and your husband seem to understand it. I am more of a CEO that makes sure things get done. That may mean that I do all the laundry this week. Or it may mean that I get the kids to all their extracurricular activities, dinner made and adequate groceries organized and purchased so that others can have snacks available or items to prep lunches during the week (husband sometimes makes his own, I don't do it every single day for him). And, since I am doing all the other, I don't get all the laundry done, but I can sort a load and my husband will throw it in. Or I can dry a load and fold it on the sofa, and while I am doing another errand, everyone can pick up their clothes and put them away so that no one person has to do it ALL.
It may mean that I grocery shop for dinner and husband grills the main course.
So... what do you want to teach your daughter? That the family operates as a unit and everyone should be involved in taking care of it? or that it is all YOUR job (and hers when she is older and married with kids).

As for her age, yes, at 11 years old she is plenty old enough to learn how to sort clothes, measure laundry soap, and operate the control panel on the washer and dryer.

My son's 14 and he's doing his own laundry - has been for about a year but I could have started him on it as soon as he was tall enough to reach the washer/dryer controls.
He's not going to get all the way to college and be a laundry virgin.

11 is not too young - it's a great time to start learning.
It's a life skill and something everyone needs to know how to do.
Our son still doesn't usually think of doing it on his own.
I prompt him 'how's your laundry?' and then he thinks how full his landry bag is and if it's enough for a load or not.
He now washes his taekwondo uniform every week as soon as his last class is finished so it's dried and ready for next week.
At first I showed him what to do, then I supervised him as he went through the steps - right down to checking the dryer to remove lint from the trap before starting it up.
Show your daughter what to do - walk her through the steps a few times - then watch her as she does them.
Prompt her when she needs to do a load.

Her yelling and telling you what your job is stops right now.
Your job is to raise a child to become a self sufficient adult - and that means teaching them to wash and cook and clean and mend for themselves.
Does she know how to sew a button on or sew up a ripped seam by hand with actual needle and thread?
Any more back talk from her on this topic and she can scrub her entire bathroom with an old toothbrush.

As far as Hubby is concerned - what is HE teaching her about being an adult?
He can show her how to change a tire on the car, and how to use jumper cables and how to put air in the tires.
She might not be old/strong enough to do it herself for awhile but these are important things to know how to do - and to watch to see if someone else is doing them right - so she's not some helpless maiden waiting on a man/boyfriend to get things done for her all the time.
He can also show her how to use a drill, saw, socket wrench and what ever other tools he uses.
She should be washing and waxing the cars as well as vacuuming out the interiors.
An 11 yr old has got a lot to learn - the least of which is when to keep her mouth shut.
When ever she sits to turn on the tv or start with recreational use of the computer, ask if a chore has been finished - if she's got time to play she's got time to get something done first.

We had to have certain chores completed before going out to play.
Sometimes the neighborhood kids would help each other to get it done faster if the chore was something like raking the leaves.
Yep - every parent in the neighborhood was thinking the same way.
I was mowing the lawn in the summer (push power mower) and shoveling snow off the driveway in the winter (before school, after school and sometimes before bedtime - we got a lot of snow) at her age (we didn't get a snow thrower till I was 14) in addition to a list of other chores.
We didn't get a dishwasher till I was 16 - I WAS my mother's dish washer!

I can not even begin to describe how embarrassing it was when hubby and I moved in together and he had to show me how to do laundry (While trying very hard not to laugh or tease me about it) because my mom always just did the laundry for me.

11 is NOT too young in my opinion. My niece (Who JUST turned 12 at the beginning of this month) does laundry plus several more chores and she still manages to get her homework done with good grades as well as do several extra curricular activities. Hell, even my soon to be 3 year old helps out with laundry (He still thinks that it's fun and we make a game out it ;) ). Both your husband and your daughter need an attitude adjustment.

But if your hubby really won't budge on making her do all of her own laundry... AT LEAST make the rule that only the clothes in the dirty hamper are getting washed... Anything on the floor is staying on the floor, and if her favorite outfit doesn't get washed... Sucks to be her.

Definitely NOT too young! I do the laundry for my 12 and almost 10 year old girls, but mostly because it hasn't been an issue the way it seems to be in your house. One thing that helps us - I periodically remind my kids that if they want something washed then it needs to be in the hamper. If I remember, I'll say in the morning, "Laundry is being done today! Anything on the floor will not be washed!" Also, when we take vacations I always remind them, usually 1 or 2 days before we leave, "Beginning today, do not wear anything you plan to take to the beach because it will not get washed! Today is that last day I do laundry before we go!" So far these little reminders have helped. Once in awhile one of my kids will come to me and say, "Will you please do the laundry, I don't have any more pants!" and that's fine. They say it nicely. And usually they really do not have any more clean pants! I would tell your daughter you're done battling with her on this and see what she thinks a good solution is. Tell her the freak outs when her favorite outfit is not ready isn't working for anyone, and ask how you both can fix the problem. Good luck! These pre-teen girls are something else, aren't they?!

I used to have a policy that if it was in the hamper in the laundry room, I would take care of it. I refused to pick up dirty clothes off her bathroom or bedroom floor.
Then my daughter started bringing me a week's worth of dirty school uniforms that had been sitting in her room all week at 10 pm on Sundays. I got sick of staying up late on Sunday night, when I had to go to work Monday morning, making sure she had clean clothes for school the nexrt day when she could just as easily have brought them to me earlier.
So I showed her how the machine worked, and put her in charge of her own laundry. She was 12 at the time.
She has plenty of time - the machine does the work. It takes less than a minute to put detergent in the washer, turn the water on, and throw the clothes in. The machine takes it from there. It's not as though she has to haul the clothes to the river and beat them on a rock. Once the machine is running, she can start on her homework.
It takes less than a minute to move clothes from the washer to the dryer. She can do that and start the dryer running, then go practice piano. She can put her clean clothes away when she gets home from her soccer/ basketball/lacrosse game.

It is not your job to pick up after her.

If you don't make time you don't get anywhere. You need to block the time off for this and that's it. If that means someone doesn't get to do something oh well. I would not be exhausted and have a house full of unclean clothes sitting about. This is training for her for when she leaves the house.

My son was as busy with sports and things when he was that age. I did laundry in the 2 and 1/2 hour time block but the only difference is I had 7 washers and 7 dryers to do the laundry. Son went out to play one day after I did 14 loads and muddied up the play clothes. Father informed son that he would do his clothes and he has done so ever since (now 40).

You make up a calendar where everyone can see the schedule. You pencil in laundry time for whatever, whites, blues, black, red, green, sheets. That day is the day you do what you have to do in the time allotted and fold it.

Since she wants to yell at you, she gets to do all the laundry for everyone on Saturday and she gets to lose a favorite sport or activity; Sorry life is not fair and she has the "entitled" attitude that is going to get her in a whole lot of trouble. It's a good thing perhaps that she is being brought up in the new era as the old era she would find herself getting up off the floor with a busted lip and then still having to do the work.

No one disrespects momma in the house. That's your first mistake. If you don't learn how to take care of yourself when you are growing up you are going to have problems. Second mistake no one showing her how to do things. By the time she leaves home she should know how to cook, clean, wash, iron and possibly sew. This is your responsibility to show her. Your husband is from a time in the past. Just because you are home does not mean you are everybody's slave or maid. You are mom and they should treat you as such.

Off my soapbox now. You are not helping her for the future.

the other S.

PS Both my kids did their laundry at home. I told them that since I did not wear it, I did not care about it. You want it, you wash it and be responsible for it. I am certainly not to go clean someone else's home when they move out -- is that what you want to do?

Hell no it's not to young.

Mine started doing laundry, and not just theirs, at 9/10/11. I separated it, cause I'm picky about it, but beyond that they washed, dried and folded. If it wasn't in the basket, it wasn't my problem.

They also weren't allowed to wash just one or two things. If their wasn't enough for a full load, then it waited until there was. After all had it been in the hamper like it was supposed to be, it wouldn't have gotten forgotten.

I'm a SAHM, nothing in the house is my job. I do it because I love my family, not because I have to. I guarantee I don't have to, I could have the kids do it all. When you consider that 90 percent of the mess in the house doesn't belong to me, that actually sounds more reasonable, but I love them and as a courtesy I do.

Your husband and your DD need to rethink their attitude!

11 is NOT too young to do laundry. She is especially disrespectful to you with the yelling. You are her mother NOT her maid. On a go forward basis she now must learn how to do the laundry.

As for hubby, I agree with others that say he opened his mouth and inserted his foot. He can now do his and her laundry at his own schedule. You are now on strike for at least 3 months longer for each complaint they have about it. They don't respect you at all and that is the bigger picture here.

Long story short she has much to learn before she becomes 18 and a legal adult. Laundry is only one thing. In my house the kids know how to keep a house by the time they are 16. They can all cook, clean (clothes, dishes, floors, sinks, tubs, toilets etc.), grocery shop, and manage money. This then gives them two years to fine tune their skills by doing it for the entire family.

It's fine that hubby thinks baby girl doesn't have to do her own laundry but if you don't do it then who besides heaven forbid something happens to you, then what? If you had to go to the hospital or were physically not able to do it, then what?

Our role as mothers is to help them become productive members of society and that includes doing their own laundry.

It's time for her to learn how to wash clothes in the machine and by hand. No excuses if hubby doesn't like it he can do her laundry and you won't do it any longer. Their are her clothes, her priority, she doesn't get to yell at you about her things. That is just a bunch of ungrateful garbage.

I started at 8. No it is not too young. Either you make rules that it is in the hamper, when you have time to get to it. And she help you change a load etc.. it is not too young to learn house hold chores.

In your hubbys eyes, I am a bad mom, since my 2 year old helps me with laundry all the time. No, it is not perfect but she tries.

I guess you've heard from enough people. LOL! But I couldn't resist my two cents. She isn't too young in my opinion. I was like you and learned to do laundry when I went to college, but my son refused to pick his clothes up off the floor and threw CLEAN CLOTHES in the laundry basket to avoid hanging it back up! I ended up refusing to do his laundry and taught him. He was about 15. After ONE FULL YEAR, and he learned to put his DIRTY clothes in the basket I offered to take the job back. But if I were you I would tell your darling daughter.... "My job is not to to your laundry. If your attitude is good I will be glad to do your laundry for you on my schedule IF it is in the laundry basket when I need it. I do not pick up clothes off the floor. I am not obligated to do your laundry and I won't if you continue to speak to me in a rude way. Please talk to me in a polite voice, like I am talking to you right now. When you do that I will listen to what you have to say."

Okay, the problem is she yells at you and berates you.
Then she is also lazy and doesn't do responsibilities.
And sure, she has homework, and her sports and piano.
And sure, kids don't know, intrinsically, HOW to time-manage their day.
But they need to learn, from this age, because they are now in Middle School.
So teach her. Those BASIC things in life.
And good grief, what is her repercussion... for being so disrespectful toward you and yelling at you and berating you?
I would get on her for that.

Then the other problem is: your Husband doesn't think she needs to do anything. Nor any RESPONSIBILITIES as a family member, in the home.
She is a part of a FAMILY.
Thus, she has to help too.
That is life.

11 is NOT too young, to do laundry.
My daughter is 10 and in Middle School, and can do it. And helps me.
My son is 7 and WILL PUT all his dirty clothes/socks, in the hamper. And if he does not, he WILL bring it to me, when I am doing laundry. And without a battle and my kids don't yell at me about their dirty clothes.
If they have dirty clothes about the house, I do NOT do it.
They know that.
AND if they want a favorite thing washed, THEY KNOW... they need to put it in the hamper. Otherwise, it will NOT be washed.

My daughter, 10 years old, also helps me wash the windows and screens. And she washes our van all by herself and vacuums it. And my son too, helps with that. And they rake the leaves in the yard and water the plants and feed the pets and help with anything... I may mention to them. Because, they are a PART of the family. The house and its upkeep... is theirs, TOO.
I tell them that.
They know it.
And they know I mean it.
And they don't dare yell at me or berate me, about the "chores" in the house. Nor my Husband.
Tell your Husband... to do things too.
It ain't a hotel.

And I am a SAHM too, and work part-time.
It is not my "job" to do EVERYTHING in the house, ALL the time.
A family.... ALL DOES THINGS IN THE HOUSE, whether or not, you work or not or are a SAHM or not.

My kids, have homework too. And their sports activities and piano too.
And they STILL... of course, have time to play AND do chores.
It is life.

Your problem is your Husband's and Daughter's attitude... toward you. And their less than stellar respect... toward you and the house and its upkeep.
I would not put up with it.
At all.
Go on strike.
I've done that.

No 11 isn't too young. However, if my 11 year old was yelling and calling me names, someone would be in a whole heap of trouble!

My daughter was 13 when she started on her laundry. But she helped before. I got tired of hearing "I have nothing to wear" so I introduced her to the washer machine!!!

She is plenty old enough to do her laundry and if your husband doesn't back you, he is part of the issue as well.

Can she reach the controls and openings on the machines? That was my benchmark for teaching my kids how to do laundry. I have a settings chart pinned up in case they forget what to do for what kind of load. I still do most of the laundry, but they are absolutely required to put their dirty clothes in the hamper or they don't get cleaned by me.

Is your husband openly disagreeing with you in front of her? If so, you'll need to work on your marriage and co-parenting issues before you'll be able to rein in your entitled young miss with better success.

I taught mine to do it at 11. She doesn't do it perfectly, but rather do it imperfectly than not at all. Why SHOULDN'T a child participate in the upkeep of her own possessions and home?? Especially if she's getting angry. Not only should she be doing it to help out, but she should be doing it as part of learning independent adult behaviors, and it is your responsibility to teach her. Learning at 23 is ridiculous.

Hmm funny you should ask this. My son is turning 10 next month and I thought, "At 10, I am going to show him how to do the laundry."
So, no 11 is not too young.
I'd approach her argument that "it's your job" as Yes. It is one I am happy to do, but I do it in my own timeframe. Not yours. If you want a specific outfit and see it is not clean, I want you to have the power and knowledge to get it clean when you want, how you want, without me holding it up.
and with that - the lesson for laundry begins.
My SIL had four kiddos and she implemented this at 10 years. Laundry was done on her schedule. Anything outside of that, on your own:)

I make sure my kids (8 and 10) put their dirty laundry in their closet laundry bin twice a day. It's part of their morning and before bed routine. Then I make them sort it into lights and darks each week. I tell them I'm washing their load today and they need to sort if they want clean clothes. They do it without complaining. Sometimes I ask them to bring the sorted bins to the laundry room. I wash the clothes and pop them in to dry. I fold and hang, and I put their folded clothes in a bin and on their beds. Then they have to put them away. So, cut out some of the organizing part for you and give her some of the responsibility of making sure the prep work is done. You can't do everything. If she complains, oh well, I guess she will have to wear dirty clothes. If she yells at you over it, have her go to her room and if it continues, take away her privileges. You aren't asking for much and the fact that your husband thinks you should be picking up after her is troubling as well. You must teach children how to do these things at some point and it's part of being in a family. You help each other.

I don't think its too young, but it depends on the kid. My dd is 10 and honestly I wouldn't trust her with it. We also turn off the water spouts after we do laundry and she couldn't reach them because she's very small for her age and the water nozzels are hard to reach.

If you think she can be trained to do laundry without ruining everything, then teach her. I'm very particular about how laundry is done. I put very few things in the dryer because the stay nicer that way. I lay everything out to dry so I don't do much ironing. I don't think my dd could do all of that.

I've been doing my own laundry since I was about 8.

11 is a good time to start. Especially when she tells you your lazy. You are not her maid and she needs to pick her own stuff up off the floor. Make her do her laundry and it is ok to throw in some of your laundry in as well. There's nothing wrong with a kid taking on responsiblilty. Or you can let your husband do the laundry and pick up your daughter dirty clothes since he doesn't have a problem with it. After a few weeks he will see the problem. They 2 of them and do it together. Good luck!!!

Hubby is crazy!! My daughter also has homework, sports, and piano- and I'm a SAHM, and she's been doing her own laundry since she was 8. At least the ability to do it, it's not as if you are planning to abandon the process and never touch her clothes again!

It started with us because I discovered that DD found it easier to put a sweater or something that had been worn for 1/2 hour in the hamper (mom's problems) than to hang it up (her problem). This stopped when she had to begin doing her own.

She's now 13, and still doesn't do her own laundry all the time, of course I help! If she has a lot going on, I will put a couple of baskets in her room and ask her to sort her laundry into darks and lights or whatever. Then I'm happy to wash and fold it, and usually hang up the 'hangables', then I'll return a basket of clean, folded laundry to her room and she'll put it away before bed. This takes no time for her at all, but helps out a lot, and keeps her a bit 'neater'. But sometimes on weekends, she'll do the whole process- especially if she has something she wants to wear the next day or something.

Find some compromise, start small, etc. But absolutely- she can do some of this on her own. Funny thing now, if I'm sick or something, I ask hubby to ask DD for help showing him how to run the washer and dryer- I trust her WAY more than him to do this chore!

I do think you should do her laundry given you're a SAHM and sounds like she's active which is good for her future but no friggin' way should she be calling you lazy and getting mad at you! My mom did my laundry but I put it in the hamper and certainly didn't berate her. Same time - she's a preteen and they can get obnoxious. I know I was obnoxious in other ways to my mom. She just ignored me for the most part which I think was a pretty good strategy. I"d work out a proper procedure here. She doens't put it in the hamper, she can yell at you but you're going to take it away for a month. Somethng like that.

ETA: everyone says she needs to learn life skills etc. My mom did my laundry yet I did it just find in college. It's not that hard to learn!! Not like you really need that much practice... Ironing is hard but not turning on a washing machine.

If husband doesn't think his precious daughter doesn't have to do her laundry, then he can do it!

Here's how we handle laundry in our house and my kids are 15, 12 & almost 11. Everyone has their own hamper. My husband and oldest daughter do their own laundry along with fold and put away. I do mine, all sheets, towels and the younger two's laundry, but the younger two are responsible for folding and putting away their own laundry. They also have to bring their laundry baskets to the laundry room (I can't carry anything that needs two hands up or down the stairs due to a surgery I had over the summer). They are to inform me when they've done this.

I do not separate clothes - one hamper - one or two loads. I also do not pick up clothes off the floor. Not my job. If they want clothes washed, they know it has to go into the hamper.

If I were you, I'd first talk to her about the disrespectful way talks. I know that is not the way to get me to do ANYTHING for someone else. If she wants anything from you, she better start using some manners or she's going to face some punishment (scrub a toilet with her toothbrush, perhaps?). I would probably have her start folding and putting away her own clothes. They are hers, she needs to take ownership of them.

And who cares if she goes to school in a dirty, wrinkled uniform? She's old enough to take care of her things. Tell her that repeatedly. If she still bitches, tell her she can drop an activity to make time for it.

And if my daughter(s) ever called me lazy, her face would be slapped so fast her head would spin.

The time for them to do laundry is when they start complaining. I will say, my boys didn't do their own, till senior year, but they NEVER complained about what was clean.

Your H is wrong. He has daughter eyes. He needs to let you do whats needed to remedy the complaining. Doing her own laundry will fix her perspective for many things. It's very necessary for growth, especially for middle school kids.

If she were a boy complaining that H didn't wash child's car, H would reasonably say, wash it yourself. Time is not the factor here. Respect for other people and their time and priorities is the focus.

She is perfectly capable of running things through the wash cycle. It will teach her many things. She will be much smarter. If she is your oldest, it will teach her younger sibs, many things. Your job is teach them to take care of themselves. I know, I'm a stay at home mom and I could run myself ragged doing everybody else's stuff but that's not really doing my job.
Teaching is your first job.

Let's say, she has grown up. She is running all day long with a H and three kids. The oldest is complaining she doesn't have the clothes she wants washed? Would you want her to teach the child?

You could compromise with H. You could wash her uniforms but she washes everything else. Something for the weekend isn't clean? Oh well.

I think it depends on your family dynamic and what you all agree to.

My daughter (now 18 and moved out for college) had a couple of friends who at 5th grade, were told by their moms (SAHM) that they would have to do their own laundry from here on out. One of the girls was an only like mine.

I personally thought that was a bit harsh because the moms were so adamant about it. On another note, I agree that children need to know how to do laundry.

At my house, I have always done the laundry. My daughter was the only one upstairs and she brought her basket down regularly. I washed and folded and she took it upstairs and put her things away. She moved out in August for college into her own condo which has no washer/dryer at this time. We bought the condo and we take 1 step at a time!!

She comes home to do laundry and she has been getting everything started and doing it herself. She had plans the other night and after her linens were done, she went home and I will drop the rest of the laundry off tonight when we meet for dinner.

I don't mind doing laundry, it's not a battle I chose to fight.

I can see your point against your husband for making this "your job" because you are SAHM. Even SAHM's need to teach their children responsibility and how to do basic household chores... There were times when my daughter would "forget" to get something in the basket and I did NOT make a special wash in order to accommodate her. That piece waited until the next load. A couple times of having a piece waiting on another load helped her remember to get everything in the basket!

Good luck.

I haven't read the other answers, so I apologize if this is repetitious.

Start SMALL. Inform your daughter that if she wants her favorite outfits clean at the appropriate time, it will be her job to put her dirty clothing in the laundry room or the laundry basket. In addition, if you keep laundry baskets in the bedrooms, she can be taking the contents of *all* of them to the laundry room every day. This is a family, after all, and teamwork is key. HER clothing alone isn't what life is all about.

This is a good first step to her learning how to do laundry - which is a complicated job, when you really think about it, with many decisions involved which you now make automatically.

Have her do this laundry collection business every day, so she gets in the habit. It will take a month or so for it to become automatic if she does it every day.

Then add another *little* job to it - perhaps sorting the lights from the darks, or the warm-water clothes from the cold-water clothes. Let her know that now that she's in her double digits she needs to start learning the skills she'll need to have when she's out of school. Over time, add steps bit by bit as she learns the laundry process from beginning to end. Let her do a couple of those bits at a time. She may learn quickly.

For your part, do your best to give priority to the clothes she likes for a while. If the air clears at your house (sounds as if it's rather murky now), you could tell her that if she'd let you know what's most important, it would help you. Mothers can do an amazing number of things, but reading minds isn't one of them.

I'm seeing a situation here worse than the laundry, and that's the state of the attitudes at your house. Does a lot of "berating and yelling" go on? Eleven is an age at which children - particularly girls, I think - acquire or at least try out an entitlement disposition: the world is going to come to an end if THEY aren't served properly! Her world needs to come to a temporary end if she won't treat her parents with respect, both in word and in deed. If you can't seem to do anything about the family attitudes, please find out how to do it.

Let your husband know that one of your jobs as a mother is to teach responsibility to your children (it's one of his jobs as well), and that you're going to start it now.

My mother did my laundry, too! I liked that, although I wish I had learned a little more. But she didn't learn homemaking skills until after she married, and I think she didn't know how to teach me (not that I ever asked to learn!). On the other hand, many women I know today say that they had the *responsibility* of the laundry and the housecleaning very early, and that it became hateful to them.

What you really want (in your best moments) is not to dump the responsibility on your daughter - especially as a punishment. You want to teach her the *skills*, in a firm and friendly way, but to wait to give her the full *responsibility* until she's mature enough to take that on with a halfway good outlook. It won't be long, especially with her own wardrobe.

I was doing my own laundry before I was old enough to see into the wash machine without a stool to stand on. I was too young.

My 8 year old does her own laundry and sometimes my younger children will throw a load in as well.

Your daughter is definitely NOT too young! If you want to do it for her, fine. But, if she is going to be ungrateful for what you do for your family, it is high time to teach her how to use the machine!

I don't think 11 is too young to do laundry, but I don't think it would be an efficient use of water or energy for her to do her own. If she only has a few outfits she wouldn't have enough laundry to make up a full load, so it would be a waste. I think I would make sure she has a couple of extra outfits if this happens regularly, and make sure she understands that you will not wash anything that doesn't make it into the hamper.

There is a rule in our house that dirty clothes go in the hamper immediately following their shower...every night! No one is allowed to leave clothes on the bathroom floor and if I see it in their bedroom on the floor, they better stop what they are doing and go pick it up. We have 8 people in our house, and some clothes going back to other houses (blended family) so I normally do at least 1 load a day. I would prefer at this point to do laundry myself, but they can put it away. Start with a rule that she has to put her clothes in the hamper every night and see if that helps.

Read your own post then you will know your answer. My first reaction was "WOW!" In no lifetime would my children be allowed to berate and yell at me or call me lazy for ANY reason. I actually do everyone's laundry about 4 times a week AND I work full-time AND my kids are in sports, lessons, etc. The difference--my kids are required to fold and put away their laundry AND my kids appreciate that I have done it and don't take it for granted. They know if they want a particular item they need to ask in a timely manner. If it doesn't work out, they may be disappointed but they understand that I am not at their beck and call and my schedule does not revolve around their laundry needs. The only reason I don't have them do their own laundry is that I know they would put like 5 items in at a time which is a waste of energy and money.

11 is definitely not too young to do the laundry. She can measure out detergent, add clothes, sort and work the dryer. Explain that you are teaching her how to take care of herself and that her disrespect for your many jobs has helped you realize that it is time for her to do more of the jobs around the house. SAHMs get abused by their families for this too much