iPod Question

Hi C.

I guess my household is just the opposite; I care more about what my daughters listen to. I have a 16 year old and she has a lot of songs on hers as well. However, I do not listen or check the lyrics to every single song, but I told her what kind of lyrics that is not acceptable in my house.
Every now and then I looked through the list of her songs and if I see something that may be too vulgar, I listen to it and then I will ask her to remove the song from it. I do not have any problems with her picking songs that are too outrageous. I do not have any problems with her removing songs either. One thing that helps my family deal with disagreements is family meetings. We sit down as a family and talk about bills, school, chores, and any problems that we have. This meeting is an honest and respectful meeting. The children have to listen to us as parents and we have to listen to the children as well. We give the children the opportunity to express themselves during the meeting. This process has really helped my family. One pointer we do not argue, we just listen to one another and voice our opinion. After we listen to each other we create a plan to see how we can make things better…….I said all of this to say if my husband or I had serious problems with what our girls listen to on their IPods or MP3 Players we would bring it up in a family meeting….and our problems are usually solve there.

2 moms found this helpful

Ouch. This is going to be hard to hear...but ~ garbage in, garbage out. My son is raised with strict rules and Christian values, yet what he hears over and over is what he repeats. I don't want trashy song lyrics dancing around in his brain. God is able to defeat it, but why make Him?

Sorry. I agree with your husband on this one.

S.

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C.,

I am the mother of a teenager (same age), we talk about music often. If the lines of communication are open in your household, between you and your son then I would not be too concerned. Music however has been scientifically proven to be mood altering. My daughter and I often discuss they use of degrading words, especially in urban music. With you having a son, I would make ure you talk to him about respecting women, as these songs these days do just the opposite. Talking is the key.....between all of you, talk to your husband find out what started this notion to look at what he's listening to. Did he observe or over hear something? You all need to sit down together and come up with some solutions. Be very careful at this age you cannot be a divide front.....not in front of your son anyway.

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Your husband is telling you to listen to the lyrics of all the songs? If he is so concerned about it and you are not, why not tell him to go through the 1000+ songs on the i-pod? Hope everything works out.

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When I was a teenager I listened to rather obsence music. My parents tried very hard to monitor it but as with most kids I found a way around it. I further embraced my love of hardcore music attending concerts when I got older. However, dispite my mothers distaste in music I still turned out to be a rather responsible adult. I went to college, got a job as a teacher and I'm now your average soccer mom. Trust your gut (and you kid). If you don;t think he's impressionable, you;re probably right. I wouldn't worry about it. Kids are exposed to all kinds of awful things in the media, it;s our jobs as parents to teach them right from wrong (when it's in front of them not simply by shielding it from them!). I'm assuming my view isn't popular but that's my opinion. Good luck to you!
J.

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Why isn't hubby reading lyrics? I have a no explicit version rule in my house. I do the actual purchasing so that's easy to monitor, and they do balk at it. If your son is a good kid, no trouble, I don't see the need. Its a place to go to for consequences if that changed. Hubby is feeling scared. Our oldest is 14 and is beginning to make some stupid choices. It feels so important to do the right thing because the consequences at this age can be so bad. But we try to give freedom where we can so he won't feel the need to break free at every turn. I'd use your sons behavior as a guide. There is some really nasty "music" out there!

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My daughter is 12 and just got one for Christmas. Since the songs need to be purchased by us, or converted from CD's we have in the house, we already know what is going on the iPod. There were a couple songs I told her she couldn't have (good songs, yes, but not appropriate for her age). Also, when purchasing from iTunes (and in the song list) it will say right next to the song if there are explicit lyrics. If it's that big of a deal, just eliminate those songs from the library and when he syncs (charges) his iPod they will be removed from the device.

In the big picture - arguing over the kids' choice in music is a no-win argument - I wouldn't even bother. Set the rule no explicit lyrics and both sides should be happy.

Good luck!

1 mom found this helpful

My son (although he is 18 now) has had an ipod for a while and I never bothered to check the songlist. Frankly, I just find no need to micromanage so much. I firmly believe that the upbrining your child has had is much more important on influencing him than the music he chooses. Music doesn't corrupt children...bad parenting does.

That said, if hubby insists that it be monitored, let HIM do it. Period!

~L.

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i don't have any teens but i do know that if you are aware of the songs on there than that is fine, if you become too overbrearing it will make your son rebel more. my five year old sings kid rock and emminem, she knows the words to not say. they will hear it somewhere eventually.

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Tell yur husband if he wants to know what his son is listening to for HIM to go ahead and listen to the lyrics. I to feel that we are raising our daughter well. She is a good kid, respectful, polite and doing well in school.
I am not going to sit down and go through her ipod. I can hear her music when she plays it in her room and most of it I listen to.

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I also have a 14 year old with an ipod. I have never listened to the songs he has on it nor have I monitored the books he reads. If you are bringing him up with values and morals, he will learn what you teach him. Your husband wants to control you (and your child). If it is so important to your husband to know what your child is listening to on his ipod, tell him to listen to all the lyrics himself. Your son will hear a lot worse stuff at school and on the internet.

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I think they should b able to pick their own music. BUT I also listen to his music. We use the same iTunes account. So, I listen to what he buys. I did find some questionable music one day. It v talked about the arian nation, etc. This as just after watching a special about racism in the us and how the influence kids by first getting them interested in the music. THEY DO RECRUIT. When I asked what made him buy this song, he said some kid in the hallway at school recommended it. He couldn't even give me the kids name.

Long story short, check up on it. Buy a shuffle used for 20 bucks and ask him to share his music. Have him add his favorites, or look at the iTunes list and only add the frequently used songs.

1 mom found this helpful

I say pick your battles... My four-year-old is using our old 'shuffle'. He loves the same music as I do, too. The only thing I recommend is use your judgment. I like some Heavy Alternative bands, but if you can hear derogatory remarks easily, I don't load them.

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I personally would do random checks of the songs. If you hear one you don't like, just delete it and tell your son why. If your hubby wants you to hear every lyric, then let him go through the whole thing. Or you could suggest you both do checks, just whenever you want, so you are both active in the process. I feel if you have raised your kids with the values you want them to have they will tend to follow them. With that said, I'm not saying a kid won't try to put a 'bad' song on there, I'm just saying there is less of a chance of a ton of 'bad' songs on there :D

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It's just music! It doesn't mean he agrees with whatever is said or the singer/group.
You are completely right. It's his choice, so don't let Stalin take over and tell your child what he can and cannot listen to, that's just asking for rebellion!

1 mom found this helpful

I think the biggest issue here isn't the ipod. How does your husband expect you to read the lyrics of 1,000 songs with 4 children of your ages? You say it is causing stress in your household, and that issue has to be addressed. So tell him it is impossible for you to do what he requests but to help himself and go for it. Then I would have a nice family talk with all of your children and let them know the type of behavior you expect form them, ie: if they hear language that you find unacceptable and they say it in the house, there will be punishments. Then put limits on the ipod. firstly, who is paying for those 1,000 songs? 2) let it be known that the parents have the right to browse the playlist and delete whatever you find to be inappropiate. Then the both of you can go with your son to the computer, view the playlist, at least part of it, and take it from there. See what your sons reaction is to the sugestion of viewing the playlist with both parents there. If it is a big issue as your husband thinks it is, it is ridiclious for it to be only 1 parent that does it, both of you need to be there. If your husband is that strong handed, I can guarantee that your son will rebel. Hubby needs to step in and get his hands dirty, if he is afraid for your son, the best thing he can do is connect with him. Good luck

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Yes the music today has horrible lyrics. As long as your son knows what is acceptable and what isn't is the point. I would say at 14, if your son is willing to sit down with you, your husband and listen (maybe even sing along) to the lyrics together and not feel uncomfortable, then I guess he is mature enough to handle it. If you as parents are comfortable enough then I guess you decide from there what to do......Good Luck

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When we were growing up, my parents allowed us to listen to all sorts of music. By the age of 14, we knew right from wrong and were not influenced by lyrics. Let's face it, people use television, radio, music, videos, movies, as an excuse for violence and bad behavior. Teach your kids right from wrong and there won't be a problem!! Good luck. I think you are doing just fine. :)

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As a mother of 3 grown children I tend to agree with you about the music of today. There is no way you will ever get to filter all of the music your children listen to. They are going to hear it with their fiends and you can't be with them every minute of every day. I do believe that if you give your child a good moral upbringing and teach them right from wrong the words will not mean that much to them. I have been lucky and my chldren got past that stage with no major problems but I know it is stressful. Good Luck

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Hi C., I haven't read your other responses, but I was in a similar situation a couple of years ago. My son is now 16. My husband forbid him to have any music that was listed as "explicit" on itunes. When he was 12, 13, I agreed, but he will hear it somewhere else if he really wants to. I raise my teen to respect himself and others, and he does - he is a great teen (if that is possible). So, I let him listen to what he chooses, as long as I don't have to :-)
In itunes - it says next to the song if it has explicit lyrics, that is much easier than reading every songs lyrics. I started out asking my son to tell me about the music - the content, he did, and we eventually lighten up on him.
Good Luck - it will get easier...

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I have a 14, 12 and 10 year old with 2 ipods in the house. My husband was worried about the music as well. Ask your husband if his parents knew what he listened to and what they thought? There are controls on I tunes to keep your kids from downloading the "extreme" lyrical versions. That way you can get the version they hear on the radio. Did you know the lyrics of everything you heard on the radio at 14? I was amazed at some lyrics when we got guitar hero. Do you control what he listens to on the radio? That's tough. We have set a clear expectation that they need to only have music on their that they will let us hear as a family on the speakers. It's hard to realize at 14 they can make decisions. Help your son learn to make good choices for the ipod, friends, driving, etc. Aren't teenagers fun?

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just one question: is your husband illiterate? He should be helping out with this, too. I feel control.

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Okay, you say your husband tells you that YOU should read all the lyrics....what's wrong with HIM reading them? It sounds like a control issue.....you are right in trusting your son. At 14, it's hard to control him making those choices, so you just hope that he's listened to you.
The alternative is for your husband to tell your son he doesn't trust him to make decisions on his own and take the iPod away. Nice way to get a rebellious teenager.

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I believe every one of these posts is good advice, I just had to weigh in because it gave me a little chuckle. Last night I heard the most awful noise coming from my sons room (he is 20). I went a little closer to the door to hear what it was and it was his music! I almost said something but didn't, I remembered how much my parents hated the 70's rock and roll that I listened to as a teenager and just walked away. Kids need to establish their individuality and as long as he is a good kid, not getting into trouble and is respectful of the other rules that are of more importance to you I would just let it go. Hubby needs to begin adjusting to the fact that your son will soon become a young man and needs to be treated as such, with his opinions and beliefs respected as much as your hubby demands that his are respected. That can be a tough transition for fathers who must be in control. Good luck,

S.

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Hi, good luck, as a teenager, I remember my parents forbidding certain songs because of the content, and to this day I don't understand it. I am now a mom to an almost 17 year old so saying "you will understand when you get kids of your own" doesn't work always. You are right when you say that by teaching him the right values, he will be immune to the offensive/destructive words and only see them as "just part of a song". + you can't stop him from hearing them at a friends or at school etc.... Trust that by being the best parent you can be, you have taught him selective hearing ( they learn that at about 1-2 try telling a toddler NO )

:-) J. - mom to Mark 16 and Vanessa 10

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I have a 12 year old that has an mp3 player and I found that I just listen to the music we have loaded on to his mp3. If he likes a song I listen to it, I try not to pull apart every word but the message behind the song. Sometimes it is the last thing I want to listen to but my husband really works at staying more current on music. I know we have even had conversations on topice because of the songs. I try and let him listen to some that my instincts are to stop but have only pulled the plug on the really offensive ones. It is terrible that in todays world we can not protect our little ones with the news, tv shoes and music being so angry and offensive. I know that in the next two years he will get less and less willing to compromise with us but I will try and stick with the same guidelines so he knows what to expect. Good luck to you and your husband, it is hard to raise kids in the information highway. I am just starting the teen years and I am shocked how much my sweet little boy has changed already.... :{

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C.,

This is my opinion, I have a 20 yr old that was a big Kid Rock fan at 14, I believe as you, things don't influence children if they are parented correctly. I like both of my boys listen to the music they wanted along with paying the video games they wanted. If I didn't care for something in the games or the music, we would speak about it. There are going to be people on hear that they tell they should be listening to Barney until they are 20. I never did nor do now want my children to have to sneak around to do or listen to things. If one of my children's friends mothers didn't want specific stuff than my son couldn't do those things when that child was around. My boys aren't perfect by any means, but they are both hard working, graduate school, have jobs and have never been afraid to tell me anything. Good luck and stand your ground, you sound like a wonderful Mother.

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Hi C.,

I'm a SAHM of 5 kids 24,22,15,10,and 8. I with the mothers that give their children freedom to be themselves. I was was raised by a strict catholic and it was terrible, even though I turned out good. But I didn't quite like my childhood so I don't raise my children the same. I give my children the freedom to make their own choice within limits, the music they want to listen to, the clothes they wear and the friends they hang out with. I have taught them to be responsible, let them know right from wrong, we are very open in our home even starting from a young age! And you know what I have to say I am very proud of my children! :-) I get compliments on them all the time. They haven't gotten in trouble, been suspended from school and the 2 adult ones are in college!

The thing that's funny is I'm Italian, Yugoslavian, Irish, Mexican, African American & American Indian. My children went to school with mostly caucasian children & had mostly caucasian friends & still do, except for the 2 adult ones now. So in my household I hear rap, r & b, rock, country, watch hannah montana, all that. My 15 yr old wears those skinny jeans(I hate them), like all his caucasian friends but I have to let my kids be them! It's a fad they go through like I know I did. They laugh when they look back through my photo albums. So as long as they are not hurting anyone, disrespecting anyone or our household and their grades our good, I don't feel the need to intrude on their personal items! Sorry for the long story...lol

D.

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I feel as though as long as he is not saying anything that you wouldn't want him to say in public there is no problem. When he starts then you may want to talk to him about this. My 13 year old daughter has tried to take advantage of the swearing in some songs and we had told her that if the only reason she was listening to that song was to swear then we would get rid of any songs that had Bad words in it. That solved the problem.
Hope this helps

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If you haven't done a good enough job parenting your 14yr old to where they would choose decent songs then it's too late even if you read all his lyrics... kids are sneaky and will find a way around you no matter what, especially at 14.

So if your husband wants to tell him to and I guess leave it at that. If you feel that you have done a good enough job teaching him then just trust him.

Also, when a child that old gets checked up on to that extent it really creates a feeling of rebellion in them (trust me, I was that kid with those parents once)

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Wow, I can't believe some of the people on here...calling your husband Stalin is a little too far I think.
Anyway, there is some truth to both sides of the story here. I am 26, I don't have teenagers, but it wasn't that long ago that I was a teenager. And I listened to music that my mom didn't want me to. Guess what? I listen to music with swearing....and I became quite foul-mouthed for a while there. Now, with that being said, my mom still did a great job trying to raise me right, and I have to say if a potty-mouth is the worst that came out of me, then its all okay.
All that to say: Yes, music DOES influence teenagers. BUT if you still do a good job teaching valus to your child & raising him right, in the end he will turn out okay. I don't think there is any harm with checking his ipod, and I wouldn't demand that he take off the questionable music, but have a talk with him.
Good luck.

Maybe not reading the lyrics, but you should know who he listens too so you know they match up with your ideals as someone to support. Especially if you are paying for the music.

I have 2 girls, 12 and 14, and both have iPods. While I don't read every song's lyrics, I do let them control the radio while in the car so that I become familiar with the music they enjoy. I often change the station when there is a song that I don't feel is appropriate. They make a list of the songs that they want to download but before they can, I must approve each song. If I don't know it, we play it first before buying. There have been some that I just won't allow - they aren't happy about that and I often hear "No one else's parents have to approve what they download." Oh well - I must do what I think is right while still allowing them some freedom and choices. Good luck!

Greetings C.,

I don't agree with you, however I don't agree with your husband making censorship your total responsibility, so I say tell your husband reading the lyrics to the 1000 songs is a great idea! And ask him how long he thinks it will take for him to do that. Then suggest that you split the list in half to see who is right.
A lot of the songs these days do need to be censored. So, I would pay attention to what he is listening to. There are a lot of cuss words and sexually explicit words in songs children are listening to today. Our mind is a warehouse that stores information. There are certain things you don't want to be stored, especially in a child's mind. I believe that what ever you focus on you will attract more of in your life.
Hang in there. To decrease some of the stress listen to your favorite songs and watch movies that make you laugh. This soon shall pass.

Much success to you and your family.

Love,
S.

Hi C.,

I've read through the responses and I don't disagree with anyone. It's everyone's choice to raise their kids they way they want. But if parents think that their kids are not going to listen to music just because it's not on the ipod they are mistaken. Just like anything else, if a kids wants to do it, they will find a way.

I remember as a kid coming out of church and feeling like I had just been to a funeral with the depressing music they played, getting into the car and turning on the top 40 countdown with KC something or another and having Madonna's Like A Virgin fill the car and singing every word, lol :) I wonder now, is that why I stayed a virgin until my early 20's, or was it my upbringing by my parents?? I'd like and hope to think the later!!!

As I got older I would listen to alternative music with the pretty crazy lyrics... They didn't make me do anything or change the person I am today. I like the sound, the beat, the sound of the singers voice. Most of the time if you ask a kid what a song is about they have no clue!! They can even sing every word while listening to it and still not get the meaning. You have to let you kids grow up and make choices of their own at some point. And trying to monitor what your teenager listens to is a job no one will win at. Like I said before, you can delete it from their ipod, but what about their friends ipod, or the radio station? Yes they have connectors for ipods so up to 6 people can listen to one ipod at a time. Your trying to win a losing battle.

For the mom who is a christian and has christian values. I was brought up christian in christian schools, graduated from a Lutheran High School. But I still dressed a certain way (pushed the envelope with their rules), listened to what I wanted, and want to dance clubs that maybe I shouldn't have. But now I am a 38 year old mom of 2 baby's, step-mom to two adults, married to a wonderful hubby, have a beautiful home and am raising my kids the best way I can. But I am also going to let them be individuals and make their own choices. If they aren't being arrested, in the hospital or getting in trouble, then they are moving in the right direction!

On a last note. If you husband thinks this should be done and you do not agree. Tell him he can do it. That is what I'd tell my husband. If he thinks it's going to be that easy to control and fix the situation, then he should have no problem doing it.

Sorry for the book :)
Good Luck!
J. in Macomb

My kids aren't teens yet, but when I saw the following article I immediately thought of your post:

http://www.clickondetroit.com/entertainment/18783414/deta...

Just thought others might be interested in reading about this survey that showed a link between music lyrics and behavior.