Hi- My son is about to turn 4 and we are planning his party. He does go to preschool but we cannot afford to invite the whole class plus his non-school friends. There are about 3 kids in his class that he always pays with and talks about and he says he wants to invite them. Is it appropriate to only invite 3 of the 19 kids in his class and if so how I can I do about doing that with offending the others?
Update: It seems that most people think it is ok to only invite the 3 kids so now my question is how to get them the invites. I don't have addresses or phone numbers and I don't think it is possible to be very discreet when there are 19 people waiting to pick their kids up in the hallway of the school. I wouldn't send them through the school but even if I wanted to the teachers will not hand out invitations unless you are inviting the whole class. Any ideas? Thanks!
Thanks!
Hi B.,
Send in something (like cupcakes, or cookies, or something non-edible) to celebrate his birthday in school. Invite the three, separately, to his party.
Sincerely,
F.
The best way to do that would be to send in cupcakes or something with him on or close to his b-day. That's what we have done & it eliminates any hard feelings. Good luck!
dont bring them to school at all.
at our preschool, one of the papers we filled out specifically asked if we would permit our information to be on the school list of all the parents addresses and phones? just ask in the morning if the school has one and i would call instead of sending the invitation via mail. just tell the parent specifically your son wanted to invite his 3 closest friends from school. if they dont mind, you will send them the info via email. it will make it known that others werent invited which will avoid hurting feelings, but also have a more likely chance the invited children will come. if you send it in the mail, they might assume you invited everyone and feel less obligated to come, not knowing your child really feels close to theirs.
if there is no list, just get to school early and wait outside for the parent. this will more polite than trying to do this while waiting or leaving. just ask them for their email so your son can send their child something. then just explain in the email that he wanted his 3 closest school friends there to let it be known everyone wasnt invited.
good luck to you
I would ask the director of the school if giving out a class list with addresses is permitted for these reasons. If not then I would not take the risk of offending the other children by handing them out to some and not all. In these tough times people will not expect an invite but may feel offended if they find out they were left out. I would probably just stick with the out of school friends and I am sure your son will be happy with that.
Get those specific friends home # (check on line if you know a whole name, town and state you should beable to get phone #'s)and call directly.If no invites go to school all the better. I would also expain to those moms that you did not envite the whole class just the kids your son plays with the most due to space, money, whatever! A.
Hi B.,
From my experience, you can invite every kid from your son's class because majority of them won't come. Where my boys go, their teachers told me if I want to invite one kid from their class, I better invite the whole class or not send the invites at all. If I must invite just a couple of kids, then I should work on getting their phone numbers and invite them over the phone. The reason behind their logic: they didn't want any kid to feel left out. You sure can understand how heart breaking it might be to those who finally get to know they were singled out.
Good luck and wish your son a Happy Jolly one!
L.
http://www.mykidsmyworld.com
Like some other posts said, see if the school has any contact info they are willing to share. If the kids have lunchboxes or coatbags you may be able to slip a note into those - preferably after the kids have eaten.
I'm surprised the teachers wouldn't help do this for 3 kids. Generally, they have to help them with lunch anyway, they could slip them into the lunchbox when it's time to put them away. (this still doesn't guarantee they'll be discreet)
Good luck!
Hi B.,
It's okay to invite the kids who he has playdates with outside of school. I would ask the teacher or director for the addresses of these students. It is not okay to distribute invitations at school when some children are not included. When my kids were preschool age, we did invite the whole class, but this was something like 12 kids and of course, not all of them would come but as they got into the elementary grades, we didn't invite the whole class anymore. It's sad for kids when they find out that some kids got invited to a birthday party and they didn't, but that's life. I would let the parents of the kids you are inviting know that only a few from the class are being invited. Honestly, many of the other parents might be relieved - imagine being invited to the 19 other birthday parties and having to pony up at least $15 for a gift, that's $285 for the year plus cards, wrapping paper, tax, etc.
I hope your son has a wonderful birthday
You are worried about offending 4 year olds? Or their mothers? Either way, is ridiculous. School is a learning experience and supposed to teach kids about life. In TRW adults dont get invited to every event of everyone we have ever met. Why should a child be forced to entertain someone he doesnt like or even someone he dislikes. There are 19 kids in his class and surely he isnt best friends with them all. Then again if you invite all 19 and your son doesnt get invited to 19 other parties how do explain that to him?
Invite his 3 friends, but dont send the invites to school. Hand deliver them to the other moms or mail the if you know the address. If another mother confronts you simply say you didnt have the room and dont worry about hurting someone's feelings.
TOTALLY okay to only invite the 3 kids!! People these days are crazy with the b-day parties. It's much more fun and meaninful to the kids to only have kids he's close with. I'd say if it ever comes up just say that since he is turning 4, he gets to have 4 people at his party (including him). Good luck!!
E.
Absolutely! Only invite the amount of children you're comfortable with...you're the one who has to plan and deal with the chaos! :)
Good luck!
Lynsey
Sure you can invite only 3 out of the class, he has a social relationship with them now outside of class, even if he did not see them out of the class you have the right to invite who ever you can afford and approve of, just mail the invitation to their home, do NOT send the invite through school, that might make others feel left out.
Good luck and enjoy the party.
Your son is still very young and unless your son has been invited to their parties too parents won't be offended. A good rule of thumb regarding the number of children TOTAL is to multiply your son's age by 2 b/c that's really the number of guests that your child will be able to handle. In this case 8-10 kids would be a good number.
The best way to invite the preschool friends is to mail the invites home. DO NOT SEND THEM IN! You would be wise to call the three mothers and let them know that your child did not invite the entire class. This is mom-code for "please don't discuss this at pick-up time".
If you are afraid that it will cause a problem, then don't invite the school friends at all. Send in a treat and maybe send in his favorite book so the teacher can read it to the group. I had a student whose mother brought in the items to make the treat and led the class in decorating pre-frosted cupcakes. It was cheap, easy and gave the kids a special activity for the day. That way he celebrates with his school friends without any hurt feelings!
I agree it's totally okay to invite only his close friends!
For my daughter's birthday party - she just turned 3 - we did invite her whole class b/c several of them *never* went to anyone else's birthday parties. Plus a few outside friends. Well, ALMOST EVERYONE came. We had 14 3-year-olds! It was a (fun) whirlwind!
So I'd only invite those you really, really want to come - and I agree with the other moms, that it would be nice to ask outside of school if you can.
Good luck!
Its totally fine to invite only the kids your son knows. Either call the parents, email them or leave them an invite thru their kids school cubby.
Last year I invited too many girls to my daughters party at home. she was a bit shy, overwhelmed and not excited. She still had fun but played with her little circle of friends. From now on I only invite a handful of frinds!
at drop off or pick up... seek out those parents.. give them the invite... we just went through this kind of thing too... on the invites i put who i invited.. so they wouldn't ask so and so.. hay by the way are you invited.. alot of people thought that was a great idea... our party is in a week and a half.. so i hope it goes well.. good luck to you too..
Check with the school to see if they have any policies first. In our school you can't send in food, only non food item goodie bags. And if the invites go to the school it has to be either the whole class or all the kids of the same sex. If you want to invite specific kids you need to either call the parents or mail the invitations. You also need to consider that some kids this age are too nervous to attend a non family members bday party unless they have a parent stay with them or know the child very well. Good luck!
