.... unfortunately, even though you can really love your Mom or Dad, they can do or say things that hurt, or are just plaint toxic.
I went through the exact same thing with my Mom, and I also confronted her, and like you, it was always put back on me, with her not taking responsibility for her behavior. So, what you have to do is basically be just say something like, "Mom, I love you, but what you are doing is hurting me and my family, and if you continue you are leaving me with no choice but to leave you alone for awhile because I won't be hurt like this anymore. Now if I have done or said things to hurt you and I'm not aware of it, then let me know and we can sit down and talk. But until you can see what you are doing and how it hurts me this is what I have to do, otherwise something might happen causing us to never speak again and I don't think either of us want that."
Oh, when your bring this up, tell her you want to have your say WITHOUT interruption -- and if her response is defensive or made out to be your problem not hers, then say "OK, there's my answer" to yourself and leave her alone for awhile to let her know you mean it (and you're also setting boundaries for the future).
Now, here comes the hard part -- IF she continues, then you have to just let her go from your life, which is really, really, really hard. I had to do that, then my Mom passed away and let me tell you, it was pure hell because despite her behavior I loved her very much. But, if I were faced with the scenario again, I would do the same, because my job is to protect my children... period.
Also, if you are married or have a partner, ask him for his input and help. Some Moms respond better when a man makes a request or lets it be known that he WILL NOT allow anyone to hurt his wife/partner, not even her mother.
IMO, the most important thing is protecting yourself and your kids from toxicity, even when/if the source is your Mom.
... hope this helps.