Intimacy

Updated on May 02, 2008
J.P. asks from APO, AP
37 answers

I am almost eight and half months pregnant and my husband is coming home in a few days from a four month deployment. Needless to say I am a little apprehensive about being intimate with him because I am so far along and I don't know how comforable I will be.
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N.K.

answers from Memphis on

Well as long as you are at least 37 weeks along, you are considered full term. As long as the baby is a good size and you feel up to it, I'd say Go for it! He's been gone and will want to be close to you. And it will be at least 6 weeks after you have the baby before you can be intimate again. Who knows, it might help you go ahead and have the baby! Good luck!

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J.H.

answers from Lexington on

No probalby won't be too comfortable but not bad. Try several positions. Also, a good way to bring on labor!!!

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J.P.

answers from Nashville on

It is hard when you are that far along, I just went with the flow, It will be somewhat uncomfortable. It actually made me go into labor. Good luck

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W.M.

answers from Louisville on

J.,
I have to be honest with you, when I was pregnant, it was the best sex I ever had EVER! Never to be matched like that again I tell ya. I do hope you enjoy having your sweetie home again.
Tell him I said thank you for all he does for us. My friend's husband is over there now for a year. Please add him to your list of people to pray for. His name is Capt. Jesse W. Smith, he is the Army.
W.

1 mom found this helpful
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K.R.

answers from Lexington on

Hi J.,

Although being intimate when you are that far along can be uncomfortable, it can also be quite pleasurable. My advice is to just try different positions until you find one that is the most comfortable. My husband and I continued to be intimate up until about a week before I was due (I gave birth at 40 weeks)...mostly because that is one way to help the baby along. I hope I'm not being too graphic, but one position that helped me was to lay on the bed at the very edge with my legs up (we have a bed with a tall frame so it is higher up from the floor). I also propped up some pillows underneath my head and pelvis. My husband stood on the floor and I sort of had my feet up on his shoulders. This way he was never laying on my belly. This position was slightly less intimate because it doesn't allow for much kissing, but it was a position that was comfortable for both of us. I hope that helps.
I hope you enjoy your time with your husband being on leave. Good luck with your labor and delivery. You are about to have the most beautiful and wonderful experience of your life!

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J.T.

answers from Fayetteville on

The baby is well protected so if that is your worries, the baby has plenty of cushion=). I was informed by my doctor that having sex during those last few months and weeks actually work to your advantage during labor. Find a position that works for the both of you, and go for it!!!

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T.S.

answers from Lexington on

I just have to point out that...you don't have to have sex to satisfy your hubby. There are other things......you know what I mean.
Sorry if this is blunt.....I remember being that prego and not even wanting to be touched. Knowing there were other "things" to do for my hubby kept him happy (men are simple when it comes to pleasure...lol) and me too.
Best wishes,
T.

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S.B.

answers from Charlotte on

Talk to your doctor about being intimate with your husband so late in your prenancy.Tell your husband your concerns when he gets back..yes you may have to wait until after baby is born as hard as that might be.There are also other was to be intimate without having intercourse...good luck and god bless your husband for keeping us all safe..
S. B

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T.

answers from Chattanooga on

Try not to stress out too much. When he left, you probably were not showing too much. He will probably be a little suprised by how much you have "grown." He may not feel comfortable being initmate either. My hubby was always afraid of too much intimacy by that point even though the dr. said it was ok. you can be intimate in other ways. Good luck.

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A.V.

answers from Knoxville on

Well, I never had to go that long without anything intimate while pregnant - but I do know that, unless you have a condition to be concerned about, you might actually FEEL like doing it! I became very, very... um, easily excitable, during my last several weeks. I was only uncomfortable standing on my feet, so laying back felt good anyway. Then when my hubby would massage my feet/legs, etc... it would always get me in the mood. You may find it more comfortable for you to be on top instead of the regular position, since your belly will be more out of the way.

Plus, at this point, if you get some pleasure out of the experience, it could bring on labor! :)

Best wishes for a healthy baby and a happy marriage!And thanks so much to your husband and to you for his service!

A.

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C.L.

answers from Raleigh on

I was apprehensive too, and from what I can tell that's totally normal. Some things that helped me: 1) Talking to my husband and sharing how we both felt about it. For some people, the excitement of pregnancy is a turn-on, and for others, all the what-ifs and the physical changes are a big turn-off. I think talking helps sort that all out. 2) Positions where he is on bottom, behind, or lying behind. 3) Knowing that sex won't hurt the baby. And even if for some reason it could hurt the baby or trigger labor, in that last month most babies are mature enough to have excellent chances of surviving outside the womb. 4) Allowing myself to be okay with whatever we chose to do, either way. This will be a really wonderful and special time for you two, regardless of whether or not you are physically intimate. Congratulations!

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R.M.

answers from Chattanooga on

There are so many positions that work for the preggo woman. Don't worry about it, as a military wife I know and understand, there's not only the "what will he think of my body", but also the worry after being apart for so long, will it be the same. And the answer is no it won't be the same... it'll be better. Reunion is such a special time, and you need to relax and enjoy it. Have him rub your legs, your back, your shoulders, your feet, it'll relax you and more than likely get you in the mood in a hurry.

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D.J.

answers from Greensboro on

my husband wasn't so "into" it, but it still happened... OFTEN for my sake :) But, there are so many men out there that believe a pregnant woman is sexier than any other woman. When I had my big bEAUTIFUL bellies (2ce), I got "the LOOK" from random men all the time!! Although I'm happily married, it gave me a great confidence boost :) you may find that he can't his hands off of you!! Regardless, it's healthy and it can be a lot of fun :) you'll find that you're much more sensitive than ever before all over your body, it's extremely pleasurable!! make yourself feel sexy and then you will be to him! good luck!

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T.C.

answers from Nashville on

There are several things you can do. First of all get some KY or some other lubrication. Remember that sex can put you into labor too. so make sure you are at least 36 weeks to go at it without a condom. And if it hurts, don't be afraid to say something. Breast stimulation should also be avoided unless you are 36 weeks. Any good husband will understand! My husband is also deployed quite a bit so I can so relate! Have fun ;)

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T.D.

answers from Goldsboro on

hi there, My name is Jeralie Davis . We just retired last year. We have been married 22 years and have three children our son is 21 , daughters 16 and 11. Listen, My husband was deployed twice and the first deployment was 31/2 months then eights later 41/2 each time I was nervous but it helps the marriage. Just take it slow and know that he is anxious and nervous just like you. It is not about sex it is the love that you both have for each other. On the medical side see if your doctor says it is okay , relax and enjoy. It will be a beautiful and special time for the two of you.Anymore concerns I could share but you could call me at ###-###-####. I believe that you will be fine (smile).If you believe in pray it works!

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C.

answers from Charlotte on

Being "intimate" is VERY good for you when you are pregnant. Women who are sexually active up until the very end of your pregnancy give birth on average 1.5 to 2 weeks earlier than women who do continue sexually activity.

Pregnant sex can be very fun and interesting because it forces you to find positions that creatively get around the big tummy. Sorry to be blunt, but that just the way it is. "Missionary position" will probably not work or be very comfortable because A) the weight put on your stomach, and B) you shouldn't lay on your back for long periods of time or you might become light-headed.

See your pregnant body as beautiful and have fun. After 4 months, you husband probably won't care how pregnant you are or how you have to "be intimate".

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G.H.

answers from Memphis on

If you do become intimate try other positions that will not make you uncomfortable. There are many things that the two of you can do and try that should be just as satisfying.

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S.M.

answers from Memphis on

I have to agree with most everyone else that it's probably a good idea to check with your doctor first. Having said THAT.... After a four month separation, the enthusiasm of being together again could be overwhelming so be careful and go slow and easy. For us, pregnancy (even in the later stages) brought with it the best sex! We were always told that sex is perfectly safe and natural at any stage of pregnancy - just be sensible.

Have fun and THANK YOU to your husband for his service and THANK YOU to YOU for taking care of one of those who takes care of us!

S. :o)

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J.K.

answers from Wilmington on

Go for it!!!!! Once you see him home safe and sound and he sees you brimming with the life of his baby, there will be no stopping you. Do what feels good and keep trying till you find the right position. It will be great!
Congrats on everything!
Jen

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C.H.

answers from Raleigh on

Honey Some men say that there is nothing like a pregnant women. When he comes home have fun and enjoy. Don't be nervous it will be Ok. All you have to do is have fun figureing out a comfortable position.. Good Luck..

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B.B.

answers from Johnson City on

J., there are ways to be intimate without having full intercourse, but I am sure you are aware of that. SOOOO first and foremost ask your doctor about the advisability of YOUR situration..I am sure that just being with you after missig you for 4 months will be great for the man who loves you and his baby you are carrying. Good luck..B.

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A.K.

answers from Lexington on

Talk things out with your husband. Sometimes guys act different when you are that far along, sometimes not. My husband was a little freaked out when it was close to delivery time, afraid he'd hurt the baby, no matter what the doctor said. but by the time we were about to have the 3rd one, he was more used to it. Just talk it out and see what happens, be honest. And be glad he will be home for the birth, that's got to be exciting. Good luck!

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C.G.

answers from Raleigh on

Congratulations!
Speak with your Doctor about how you feel, information empowers.

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J.H.

answers from Raleigh on

Your big bump will be a sure reminder to him that you are not exactly yourself these days. Just be open and honest with him. My husband wouldn't have anything to do with me when I was really pregnant. I think he was afraid he would disturb the baby. He said that he was so overwhelmed with emotion and thoughts about our first child growing inside me that he couldn't focus on the task at hand. Everyone is different but one thing is for sure - pregnancy and children will put an undeniable cramp in your sex life, but they are worth it.

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B.S.

answers from Huntington on

Don't worry my dear sex is safe! until about 2 weeks before, and still people do and i have never heard of something going wrong at that time! hehe, you might go into labor ontime!
Use a pillow under the small of your back.(fyi)

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K.B.

answers from Jacksonville on

My husband and I were intimate right up to the time I had all three of ours. You just need to get creative.

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M.W.

answers from Huntington on

Be creative, there are ways! It will not hurt the baby, either.

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W.M.

answers from Nashville on

Hello! Lay on your side and he can come in from behind. That is about the only way you will feel comfortable and he can be behind you w/ out thinking he is hurting you It will not hurt the baby at all! :o)

W. M. M'boro, Tn

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V.C.

answers from Louisville on

J., like the other women have said, talk to you OB about it and also do a search of sexual positions while PG.

http://www.babycenter.com/0_sex-during-pregnancy-an-overv...

Highlights
Is it safe to have sex while I'm pregnant?

Will sex feel different now that I'm pregnant?

I haven't really been in the mood since I got pregnant.
Is this normal?

Will my partner's sex drive change?

Is it safe for my partner to give me oral sex?

Which positions tend to be the most comfortable?

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R.S.

answers from Raleigh on

Hey, you get to try lots of positions to see what is best! a man's fantasy come true! I always found on top to be the most comfortable because you can control the depth of penetration.
But to each his own! Have fun. So glad he is coming home safe.

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L.F.

answers from Memphis on

Talking to your doctor is great advice. But also talking to your husband about how he feels is good too. Without being too graphic, it is going to be OK to be with your husband, the hard part is going to be finding a way to be comfortable and fitting together, at this point. The last time you saw each other it was probably a lot easier, but love and the joy of your baby coming will smooth over a lot of issues. Good luck to you and congrats!!! your sweet little one will be here soon. It's the best day you can imagine, just remember that.

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C.M.

answers from Chattanooga on

I am seven months pregnant and I feel like a slob, but my husband is crazily attracted to the pregnant version of me. I almost don't belive it, but I know my husband and he really is. Throw on a cute nighty and tell him you want to leave it on, that way you are not totally exposed, and it will still completely drive him crazy. Enjoy and embrace your pregnancy. I feel like superwoman right now for being able to create another human. It's a miraculous amazing time. Enjoy the intimacy, you will be surprised about your heightened sensors. Plus, if it has been that long, you husband will probably be so turned on that he won' last forever, so it won't be that bad. ENJOY :) good luck!

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K.T.

answers from Charlotte on

When I was this far along my husband was the one scared of being intimate because he was worried he would hurt the baby. There was no problems. As long as you are in a position that is comfortable to you. Having him on top will be akward (I know I spelled that wrong) for both of you. I would suggest either you be on your sides, you be on top or he be behind you. I know that is weird to talk to about this but...it is just my suggestion.

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M.T.

answers from Honolulu on

J.,
Most of the ones that I have read that people wrote you say talk to your hubby. Forget the talking...... he has been away long enough. You can talk later. If you are worried if it will hurt the baby, don't worry about it.... just go for it. He will be easy and he will be more afraid of hurting you than you are afraid of hurting you. My Doctor use to tell me to do it trying to bring on the contractions. Try having him be intimate from behind. Put a pillow under you and lay on it so your belly won't be touching or lean over the bed standing. Honey, you won't have a thing to worry about. When he walks in, you won't have to think period. It will come natural. He won't be rough because he will be afaid also. He can't hurt the baby like hitting it in the head or anything like that and he can't break your water like that. So don't be afraid that you will do any damage because you can't. God built a cushing around that baby that can withstan most anything. The only thing that it can do is stimulate contractions. And it it stimulates contractions at this late date (8.5 months) no big deal.....I can't think of a better welcome home present than a new baby!
Enjoy your husband and have a wonderful wonderful home coming. Most of your intimacy will be the snuggling and cuddling and that will feel just as good to you and him both. He is going to be so shocked and excited to see how big you have gotten since last time he saw you. I tell you what I worry about. I worry about that baby being born soon and then when you get home after about a week you will feel like maybe it is ok to try as long as you go easy.... and then you come up pregnant again with babies 9 months apart. Be careful there. I DO know several people like that.
Enjoy your husband right now. You'll be ok. When i was 8.5 months I use to do it every night to try and stimulate the baby to hurry and come. It never did but it was fun trying. :)
Have fun and enjoy your time together.

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S.J.

answers from Knoxville on

Maybe I am a wanton woman, but when I was pregnant, I loved all the intimacy I could get! My doctor told me it was good for me as well, because it can even help start a person into labor when the time is right. They told me it DOES NOT hurt the baby. Go for it, enjoy it, and you will find its great while you are pregnant, because sometimes if you are too big, you have to become imaginitive!!! Good luck!

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P.B.

answers from Raleigh on

Talk to him about your feelings, go very slowly, and dont be afraid (if you are up for it) to try new positions! Pillows Pillows Pillows for support.

Try lying on your side with him behind you. Try supporting yourself with bunches of pillows on your hands and knees with him behind you. These positions have kept many couples very active for the whole 9 months!

Since he has been gone for so long, try to have a nice slow romantic evening starting with dinner , then maybe a bath or shower. If you have other children let them spend the night w/ friends or relatives.

If none of this is appealing to you, ask him how you can be intimate with him without the intercourse. You will have your body back soon!

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T.M.

answers from Nashville on

I was in a similar situation: My husband was gone consecutively for basic & ait while I was pregnant. When he came home I was 8 months along & wasn't sure how the whole intamacy thing would work. But we found that the best way for us was laying on our sides w/him behind me or on my hands & knees also w/him behind me. I know that might be a little too much information, but it's such an important part of relationships, especially for those of us whose spouses are in the military and we don't get to see them all the time. I thought one or both of us would be weirded out by the fact that our child was "right there with us" but we reallty weren't. And with him behind you, your belly won't get in the way, and it's pretty comfortable. I hope this helps!

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