Interacial Families

J., I am also a white woman married to a hispanic man. Our families have never had an issue with our relationship, however I have lost a few friends due to their own racial views.

We both have good jobs, raise our daughter respectably, and own a nice home so I too get perplexed by the way some people react towards us.

Hope you two continue to have a happy, successful life together, you deserve it.

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I wouldn't care what other people think; first of all, it's totally no one else's business, secondly, racial bias is illegal, so report discrimination. People can have discriminatory prejudices not just to skin color, but to hair color, height, economic standing, national origin, religion, bodily imperfections, weight and accent, etc., the list is endless. Just make sure your kids are aware that good manners, respect and kindness aren't always a two-way streets, and that they, too, are responsible for setting a good example and (aside from possible self-protection, heaven forbid) should not lower themselves to inappropriate behavior instigated by others.

Sure, prejudices abound but, as soon as mindless, superficial idiots realize that the true person lies beneath a multitude of differing exteriors, the better off this world will be; we're all just stuck on one little planet amid a great nowhere, so we all better learn to stick together. That's why discrimination is illegal.

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J. I'm so sorry to hear that. I know our society hasn't grown enough to except interacial dating excep. in the south. All i can say is that you have to not worry so much about everyone else, easier said than done i know. I've dated blacks and spanish men alot, more so spanish and i'm white so i know what your saying is true. BUt you know what a great guy he is and you know that your kids are fine, and that's what you have to hang on to. We weren't created to please everyone. I'm not sure if you are a christian but look what Jesus had to suffer through. All the hatered he delt with but he knew himself and what he was here for. THough Christ was stronger than us i strongly believe that we to can use his strength to guide us. He was human just like us, he had to deal with life just like we do. I'm not sure if this helps or if you even what to hear about Jesus. But know we are here to live life right and be happy making it the best we can. Don't let others ruin the path you should lead. I hope this helped write back if you want i do know how you feel.

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The people that matter won't care, and the people that care don't matter. If you love him, be proud.
No matter who you are or where you live, someone will have something negative to say. It's up to you to listen to them or listen to your heart.
All sorts of people get discriminated against all the time. It isn't fair, but it happens every day. It could be at a restaurant or at a store because they don't think you "look" rich enough to be shopping there. It could be because you're too white or too black or too brown, too young, too skinny, too fat. In the end... does it really matter? YOU know that there's more to your family than what people that don't even know you see and have to say about it.

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as one of the children of interracial family, i know what you are talking about. we were overseas in a navy family and had a lot of problem. my dad is dominician. people can be very nasty. when i got back to the us, i saw that it was better to be white. now with all of the kool latino music stars it is okay to be latino. don't worry it is easy now that it was and your kids will be very pretty. people are not happy with the language changes. just keep doing what you are doing. it is not you it is what these people believe. how can they hate you they have not met you! good luck

J., this was spotlighted on the left hand column when I logged in today. Looks like you've received many replies with great advice. I am personally a Philippina woman with a black husband. I haven't experienced anything like this before, and I pray that I don't ever, and that my children don't ever have to.

The reason for my reply is to respond to Trina H. Trina you wrote: "The truth is that any person from another country who comes to the U.S., though we are called the "melting pot", and that person is not a citizen of our country, but reaps all the benefits or a great deal of the benefits of being an American, while full-blooded, born and raised in the U.S.A. citizens of our country fight for this country in wartime such as the current war with Iraq, they fight for rights that others receive who are not of this country, well that causes a great deal of tension and anger, and rightly so."

I just want to clarify something here. The military is just like other employers whose company is created/maintained/located on US soil; they can't discriminate because you're not a citizen. As long as you have your Alien Registration card that claims that you can work for ANY employer in the US, they will take you.

Now with that being said. I'm a Permanent Resident. Born in the Philippines, raised in the US. I'm 27 years old have been here since I was 2 years old. I, a NON-citizen, served in the Navy for 5 years. Yes, *I* deployed to the Mid-East, (they also need supplies in Iraq, not just on a vessel or in the US), to fight for the the rights of the US Citizens along with others who may be Permanent Residents or Illegal Aliens.

So tell me this: Even though I'm not originally from here, nor am I a citizen; why is it that the stereo-type is that Soldiers and members of the Armed Forces are automatically thought of as US Citizens, and US Citizens alone?

I've witnessed so many Naturalization Ceremonies -- where there were 100s of recipients -- per ceremony -- receiving their Naturalization status. Point being: NOT 100% of our military are US Citizens. So, people in general should be thankful of ALL military and not just those who are citizens, because us, non-citizens are out there sweating our asses off; missing our families; going days without showers, the list goes on and on; just like our compadres or as the Navy likes to call it, "Shipmates", that are US citizens.

Ok, sorry this was long. But comments like this really get to me, only because I've experienced discrimination in the not so obvious ways.

You can't walk down the street and point out, "Oh, he/she is not a citizen. But she is. And he isn't." It's just not that obvious. We don't have some kind of scarlet letter tattooed to our foreheads.

Oh and I, too, have student loan debts, close to $25,000, to educate myself. And even after getting out of the US Navy, I was denied unemployment, b/c I voluntarily got out -- end of contract -- but never the less, my choice, not my employers. Was also denied food stamps and medical insurance for my kids -- What did that do for me? Not hate this country, but hate the politics of it. I find it hard to believe that even though I'm not a citizen of this country -- all my education has been here in the US -- speak perfect English -- know 4 other languages, too -- defended that government agencies right to refuse me service -- I was denied. That was something extremely hard for me to take. Not to say that veterans should get preferential treatment -- but better treatment than I got -- at that point!

Oh, and Ms. Trina, please don't take it that I was directing any bad feeling towards you, I just got reminded of my own discrimination experience, and I started rambling. I apologize if I came off like that.

R.

HI J.
I am also american/caucasian/white, however people call it. My husband is from Nassau Bahamas/black. We have been together for almost 11 years, so things are better now. When I graduated from hs, a long time ago :), A friend had a graduation party. I was informed that I could come, but my bf (now my husband) couldn't. I definately think the world has come a long way, and biracial children and interracial families as well. At first, it seemed as though the world was against us. I guess things got better, or maybe I just learned to ignore the ignorance.

Now that I have my daughter, I see it again. You would not believe how many people ask me, What is she mixed with, is she yours, where is her father, that's not your child. I get it all, but only when I am out and not with my husband.

I guess I don't have the "look" that ignorant people think would be in a biracial relationship.

Either way, I can say that most people are not ignorant. I usually find that people are interested to know more about your relationship

Don't let people bother you, just ignore them and keep being a wonderful wife and wonderful mother to your beautiful children because that's what is most important

Please let me know if you ever want to talk

J.,
Unfortunately this world is full of bigots and generally speaking simple people who judge others based on race, nationality or overall looks. My best advice to you is, ignore them. Do not let them see they bother you, or ultimately, they win. Let them live in their own misery being hateful towards others. Take care of your kids, your man and your marriage. Good guys are hard to come by, keep yours, he certainly sounds like a winner.
All the best to your family!
M

Hi, J.. As long as you are happy with your family and at peace with your choices in life, don't worry about what other people think. You can't live by that because you cannot make everybody happy no matter how hard you try.
Just try to ignore the odd situations and move on. There are many ignorant people in this world. It's not worth wasting your energy and time over them.
D. T.

People can be incredibly rude and judgemental. I think it's beautiful when people from two different backgrounds can find unity and compatability with eachother.
I am Canadian and my husband is American, and while we are both white I have had many people insult me for my choice not to become and American citizen. I am a permanent resident who loves this country but am not interested in changing my nationality. It's who I am. My Son is a dual citizen with Canada and the US which I believe will open up tremendous opportunities for him to either work and thrive in this country or Canada if he so chooses.
I've been told that if I'm going to live here I need to be American or I need to get out...things of that nature...and as hurtful as it is, you just need to know in your own heart that you provide a loving family for your children, you contribute to society and you are a good person. That is far more important than race or nationality.
Sorry you are a victim of ignorance.

Here is my take on interracial marriage. First of all it is no one else's business. However, there could be some problems in your marriage due to each other's background and upbringing. Cultural difference can play a big part in causing problems in an interracial marriage. That is not to say that your marriage cannot be successful. Be aware that there are BIG differences when you must contend with backgrounds that are so very different. Even in marriages where both people are from the same country and are of the same race, unless they were raised in similar ways many times there are more problems than one would like to admit. Marriage is difficult by the mere fact that one must commit to a lifetime with another person. When you compound that with different races and ethnic backrounds, then you have more that must be looked at than just loving each other and raising your family. I wish you the best and never give up; the children are the rewards of a marriage (of course the marriage itself is its own reward and that goes without saying)! God can be a great source of comfort and wisdom.

you should be proud of who you are and your husband. What matters is what is important to you and not what other people think. Never run your life by what other people think, just be happy with the family that you have.

Good Luck!

Ignorance...plain and simple. Do not let others dictate how you and your family live a happy and healthy lifestyle.

Hi J.-

Please don't let the ignorance of others interfer with you life. I too am in an interacial marriage. I am white and my husband is black. I know exactly how you are feeling, but try your best to ignore those who don't understand or care to understand you relationship. We have never seen color as an issue in our relationship. We have done our best to surround ourselves and our children with a loving and caring environment. I know sometime it's hard to forget about the stares or the actions of others, but you have much better things to spend your energy on like your beautiful family. Keep your head high and know you've got a wonderful family!!!!
C.

here's an honest answer because these people are stupid :) i have dated many hispanic men. they are great and loving people. im still friends with a couple of them. some people are raised ignorant and thus don't get that the color of a persons skin doesn't mean anything to what is in a person's heart.

honey, you are not alone! my husband is mexican american. his family has lived in the states for three generations now, but he still gets treated differently. we get all kinds of looks from people and even some rude comments. our daughter if fair and blonde like me and our son is tan with black hair like his daddy. we are having out third baby in a week and are very curious to how he will look. it really bothers me sometimes how ignorant and insensitive people can be..i mean what does it matter to them what my family dynamic is made of? but, i just smile and try not to let them see it get to me (they are expecting a "show" and i won't buy into it.) this way they see us as what we are..happy and well balanced. my husband says that it doesn't matter anyway, because soon all families will look like ours. i believe this to be true. and, if it makes you feel any better think of it like this. remember how interracial couples were treated when we grew up? it wasn't good. but, think about how far our country has come in the last 20 years. it is remarkable really how much change a generation can make. and, it will be even better for our children and grandchildren. those dinosaurs that are still hanging on to their misguided beliefs are slowly filtering out of our society. keep your head up..because things are getting better everyday. and, remember just smile and show them the love that you have inside of you. it will atleast make them think about their actions and even if they doubt themselves for only a moment..that is a moment won for the future. hope you feel better!

J., i feel that the most important factor in a relationship is love, trust, respect for each and comittment to the relationship to work through almost anything from what you have said of him he sounds like a respectable man i would pay attentionto these small minded people what type of company does he own? my boyfriend maybe looking for a new job very soon

I see nothing wrong with interacial families at all.. I Am in the same boat my husband is 1/2 Mexican as well and we have 3 children.. I know all about being in a mexican family...
It is hard because ppl are so mean and judgemental.. Don't let it get to you, you all are happy that is all that matters you live a godo life your able to stay home while he owns a company that is great.... Live your life to the fullest.. The next time your at a place and you feel that you feel discrimanation either talk to the manager or get up and walk out tell him you ARE AMERICANS AND YOU DON'T HAVE TO TAKE THIS KINDA TEATMENT THAT YOU BOTH PAY TAXES TOO..
Hope it gets better for you.

Are you a caucasian American, an oriental American, or an african American? I'm guessing you're not an hispanic American.