114 answers

Infertility

Hi moms, I have been having some trouble getting pregnant. We've tried several times throughout the years but just basically felt if it happens it happens. Well now were getting older and the issue of having a child is really weighing on me. Sometimes I'm so consumed with it I'm willing to try just about anything. For the last 6 months I have been taking clomid. I tried for two months with no success. I decided to stop and wait for aunt flow but she was late, and my hopes were up but I was let down again. She came a month late in full force and I bleed for about 2 weeks, thats when I decided to start my birth control pills to control the bleeding. (Diagnosed with PCOS at 21. I had a D&C in 12/06 due to hemorrhaging from taking progesterone to induce period, diagnosed with hypothyroidism at the age of 11 but at 23 it some how was normal.) So the following month I had a normal period and started my clomid on days 5-9 again. I have intercourse every other day just in case I ovulate. None of my friends know that I'm trying again and neither does my family or my husband. It has become to hard to talk about this with other people because they don't understand and it's to embarrassing and difficult to explain. And all I hear is "when are you gonna have a baby", I just shrug it off and say were waiting or maybe in a few years. It's getting harder and harder each time. I would love any advice, similar experiences or words of encouragement. Thanks...

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What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

Thank you to all the wonderful angels that have replied to my cry for help. I hope that you read this so you truly know how you have helped me and especially on this day. I wrote my original message 2 days ago. In those two days I received about 11 responses. Today July 17, 2008 my grandmother passed away at the age of 90. Today I received over 50 responses. Maybe I'm just over emotional and full of the holy spirit but I think that you all were meant to be my Angels, to blanket me with your kind thoughts and encouraging words. I know that a lot of you know what a feels like when you see your friends or other women getting pregnant at the drop of a dime and you are doing everything in your power to do the same but with no luck. Well today I also go a message from a really good friend who has gone on clomid 2 times and has gotten pregnant after she stopped taking it. She now has an 8 month old little boy and is pregnant with number 3. I talked to her today to find out what and how this happened. She hasn't had a period since she was pregnant (well over a year) and somehow she is pregnant again. I'm not a very jealous person, and I couldn't be more happier for her. But I just still don't understand "why me". Until I got home, check my email and there you all were. 53 responses. My day has gone from despair and sadness to understanding, patience and HOPE. I have hope that it will someday be my turn, I have hope that I will soon be able to talk about my feelings out loud and share it with my husband (who is very supportive but doesn't like to talk about it because he knows how I get.. LOL He cries more then me. ha ha ha) I have hope that my grandmother will guide all my angles (you) to help me with my dreams of having a family. Thank you for giving me Hope.
Jen
Oh yeah, while at my grandmothers house looking for her black slacks and this one blouse that my cousin and I always remember her in and it's what we want her to be buried in, my aunt found a bag with my name on it. In the bag was 5 baby blankets, 2 of which she had crochet. I just thought I would let you all know that.

Featured Answers

I suggest finding & going to the best fertility specialist in the country. You are still young so don't worry too much! I went through troubles getting pregnant, but now have 3 children!

Hi J.. I also have PCOS and have struggled with fertility. There is a great site with a message board soulcysters.com that is for women with PCOS. I know how difficult this can be. Please feel free to contact me.

HI J.,
I know exactly how you feel. I was also diagnosed with PCOS and it wasn't until I went to a fertility specialist that I found out how High glucose or blood sugar levels affect fertility and PCOS. I went on a medication for blood sugar and within a couple of weeks my cysts were gone. I also am hypothyroid, which by the way doesn't go away so that dramatically affects fertility. I would make an appointment for a specialist and you may have to keep trying until you find a dr. that is aware of these things to help you. I went to 3 drs. before I found the one that finally helped me. I now have a beautiful 15 month daughter!

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I know you have a lot of responses, but you will need the re-enforcemnet as you go through the holidays. I was 32 when I started trying. I am now 36. It took me 4 years. I never went the Clomid route. I got all of the fertility tests done, EVEN MY HUSBAND. Don't rule him out. We did one failed IVF and then I did acupuncture for six months and my husband and I took Chinese herbs made by the acupuncturists. He gets 80% of his patients pregnant. When I went to the doctors they couldn't find anything wrong, but the acupuncturists said all of these things were wrong. I needed to change my diet: no drinking, no caffeine, stay away from cold foods etc..He changed my period. I stopped cramping and having PMS like symptoms. I finally got pregnant. It's something to look into if you have not. But find an acupuncurist that specializes in infertility.

Also here is a website that got me through anjionline.com

All of my friends were pregnant before me, it was so depressing. Just talk to your husband, don't let it ruin your marriage. I think we are better now because of what we have gone through together.

And if someone asks you "When you are having a baby?" Just tell them with a smile "Oh, that is something personal between me and my husband."

Good luck to you. I wish you all the best. You have a friend out there who understands.

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I have read some articles in Faith & Family about sucesses using NaproTechnology. It was developed by Dr. Thomas Hilgers out of Cornell University. He is a natural fertility doctor. The system looks at symptom's of infertility and corrects them. It involves charting your menstral cycle. I suggest you go to naprotechnology.com. They have a list of doctors trained in Naprotechnology.

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I've had all the same troubles as you, only I was only finally diagnosed with Hashimoto's Thyroiditis this year, by a naturopathic physician. She tested thyroid antibodies, not just T3, T4 and TSH, and low and behold they were very high. I was diagnosed with PCOS as a teenager, and told I would have trouble conceiving. Sure enough!

I was put on Spironolactone to try to control the male hormones for about 9 months, which made me have a period every two weeks (my husband called it my fortnight friend). I went off it for a month or two (changed insurance...) and in that window of time I got pregnant. Three years after the first one I managed to get pregnant again with no medical intervention (prayers, fasting, blessings).

My skin got soooooo bad (hirsutism always) with acne the whole time I was pregnant and nursing the first two, I didn't want to go through that again (with all new scars, etc.) so I went on accutane after I weaned the second one and had to do all the birth control. (The accutane didn't do the job, by the way, so very powerful, dangerous drugs - for nothing). So when we were able to start trying, my period stopped for five months (typical for me if not on the pill) and I had started gaining weight for no reason. I finally decided that I had never much gotten anywhere with conventional medicine so I found a Naturopathic Physician that specialized in womens issues, and within 7 months I was pregnant, without drugs. The first thing she did was put me on an anti inflammatory diet and gave me homeopathic hormones to be taken with the phases of the moon. Sounds hokey, but I had a cycle within 5 weeks. Also my progesterone level was very low, so she had me take very small doses of it, because if you don't have enough you can't get pregnant or have a cycle. Naturopathic medicine doesn't replace what's missing, it tries to stimulate or heal the body to correct itself and produce its own. I am now about 14 weeks along.

There is so much information out there for people like you and me, as the whole hormone imbalance thing is practically becoming an epidemic. I'll tell you some resources that I have found profoundly useful. There's a book by an MD called Feeling Fat, Fuzzy, Frazzled... that got me on the path to finding alternative medicine. He explains really well how the hormones are all connected, and when one gets out of balance, it knocks the others off as well (hence our sex hormones and thyroid both being off). He offers some solutions to helping ourselves. It's cheap on amazon. I also found the book Fertility Wisdom by Angela Wu to be very good as well. She's a Doctor of Oriental Medicine. A lot of what she says regarding diet coincides with the anti-inflammatory diet (specifically avoiding sugar and wheat). There are a number of books out there on the fertility diet, as well as diets for PCOS. Just do a bit of a search on amazon. It might seem weird, that food would have any effect on fertility, but it is certainly an explanation for the profound infertility that is in our western culture. We eat very differently from what people ate even 40 years ago, and especially 100 years ago (wheat for instance is very different now from what it was back than).

Some websites that I have found very helpful are:

www.womentowomen.com (they sell supplements, but there's still tons of good information)

http://www.kitchentablemedicine.com/anti-inflammatoy-diet/ - tons of good information. My ND is a-ok with eating organic butter, and eggs from chickens that aren't given hormones or antibiotics, and red meat if it's from grass-fed cows (instead of grain-fed, like most are). The fats are different when the animals are fed grass. I decided it wasn't feasible for our family to go all organic (I can't triple our food budget) so I've done a few specific things. I've found some Nature's Harmony eggs at walmart that are $2 a dozen... Anyway, I know it can seem daunting, but making even a few changes can make a difference (my ND says going gluten free alone can make a huge difference - and I didn't realize how much wheat I used to eat).

Also, it might seem impossible, but trying to stop worrying and being depressed about your infertility can have an affect on your ability to conceive. It is well documented that women who somehow manage to stop obsessing about it (either give up, or put their focus elsewhere) sometimes spontaneously conceive. Our mood has a huge affect on our hormones.

Anyway, I totally understand what you are going through and wish you all the best. Also, I have always been up front when people have asked if we're going to have children, or have any more. I just say that we're always trying, or that we're not fertile, both of which are true. People are sympathetic, and with family you might get a few extra prayers in your behalf. And, you might have your husband's semen tested, just to rule him out. You never know. It costs around $100, and gives that piece of mind. Bless your heart for adopting your little girl.

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Hi, J.,

For a couple of years, I dealt with various infertility problems (in almost ever way possible!) before bearing my two sons, who are now 24 months old and 9 months old. As I have tried almost everything, know many specialists (reproductive endocrinologists, reproductive immunologists, and perinatologists (high-risk obstetricians)) in Southern California and some other regions, as well as many other people who have experienced infertility or sub-fertility, including PCOS, I would be happy to share my experience, preferably by phone as I might be able to answer your questions more quickly that way. My sister-in-law has PCOS but was able to bear a child after several years of trying. One of my acquaintances, who is a sensitive, compassionate psychologist, has hypothyroidism and and has undergone extensive treatment of the condition to become pregnant. So if I can't answer your question, I can find someone who can.

There is a ton of misinformation (produced and promoted by people who intentionally try to defraud those struggling with infertility and people who think that they are experts in the very complex field of reproduction and talk as if they know it all). Don't waste your precious time, energy and money on ineffective or even harmful products and procedures! (I spent two years and $40,000 and shed a lot of tears. Some of my friends have spent even more!) I highly recommend two clinics, Pacific Fertility Center (Dr. Sahakian) and Reproductive Partners (Drs. Meldrum, Wisot, Yee, Rosen, Cassidenti), and the UCLA-Santa Monica Hospital's perinatologist Dr. Khalil Tabsh, who repeatedly succeed under daunting odds and I have found to be quite supportive. You can find them by Googling those names or contacting me.

Good luck,
L. E
____@____.com
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J., I am 46 had similiar concerns when I first thought I wanted to have a baby. I was on birth comtrol for several years (started as young teen). But I prayed about it, cried out to God let him know my heart and maybe not too soon after I was stop thinking about getting pregnant and ended up pregnant. I now have 4 grown children. My oldest daughter had female problems as young teen and even had to have emergency surgery at age 18 and was treated for several years to have no period, to having a normal period again. She was told that she would have to let doctors know when she wanted to have a baby and go through a series of procedures to be able to do so. This past November 2008 she delivered her first child without having to go through any medical treatments. I now have 6 beautiful grand children. I know in my heart that God will bless you with a child.
Lay on the floor and cry out to Him. He will give you the desires of your heart. In Jesus name. always T.

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I see that you had sooo many responses..I too had a lot of problems...I took clomid for six months...NOTHING...Than I waited another year..Took fertility shots for 2 months...Got hyperstimulated..hurt terribly...than had to have 3 surgical procedures...was going to have invitro....tried insemination 1 more time and GOT PREGNANT with triplets....They are 4 1/2 now..I used to see other people and be so upset..why not me...sometimes they just had kids back to back...without trying...Be careful what you wish for....I got what I wanted times 3...Good Luck to you...

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This may sound strange, but I picked up a book at a garage sale one day. It was about an old New England Doc and he was giving advice to a couple trying to concieve. He gave them the same advice he gave to a farmer trying to get his cows to concieve. 1 and 1/2 tablespoons of Apple cider vinegar every day.
Both the farmer and the couple were successful.
Sometimes its the simple things that make the difference. We are so programmed to take the drugs or surgery, we forget that once upon a time Dr.s actually new how to heal with the natural things around us.

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Hi J.,

I had to add my two cents... lol. I had my first child at the age of 41. The Lord blessed me and answered my prayers. I pray for women with infertility every night. Don't let anyone keep you from trying! I used both IVF and natural therapies to have my daughter. I would suggest you try natural hormone/nutritional therapies. It worked for me and you'll be amazed at what it can do. Try to find a Naturopath similar to mine in your area.

http://www.intmedny.com/women.html

God bless,
G.

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After intercourse, lay on your back with your knees curled up against you, holding them with your arms wrapped. Stay that way for 20 min, every time.
Relax.
Pray.
Write me more from time to time. I'm full of information.

Wendy

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J.,

I just read your "So What Happened" and had to respond. I was diagnosed with PCOS when I was 17. I knew that pregnancy was going to be a difficult road for me. But, when I finally got engaged at 29, we decided to start trying. Nothing.
By age 30, I was trying Clomid and various other injectible meds. Each month was a tremendous disappointment. By 35, I was divorced. At 37, I was re-married to a wonderful man who had 4 sons. However, he knew how important having a child of my own was...so, we began the fertility treatments again. Again, Clomid and various other meds. At 39, we decided that we needed to take a more serious approach and decided on one round of IVF...which is what had been suggested to me for YEARS from the doctors. However, I didn't think it was financially an option for us.

We went to Northern California Fertility Medical Center and had a consultation. I felt very good about the odds...even at my advanced maternal age. We began our first round of medication and I hyperstimulated...which meant that we had to discontinue that round of treatment.

On October 30, 2005, I finally had my egg retrieval and on November 1, 2005 I went in for my embryo transfers. God finally answered my 12-year long prayer! I was pregnant...with TWINS!! It was more than I had hoped for and I couldn't have been more thrilled.

Looking back on the experience, I remember that the fertility treatments were all-consuming and so incredibly draining...physically, emotionally and financially. However, once my children were born, all of those moments were replaced with the sweetness of new lives and memories with them. It is amazing how wonderful your mind is that it can minimize the pain that was once so incredibly 'in your face'.

Please know that there is a reason for everything...and although it may not seem fair, I now know that there was a reason that I waited so long for these precious children to come into my life. I am now able to stay home with them full-time, which I wouldn't have been able to do 10 years ago.

My heart goes out to you, and I will keep you in my prayers. I look forward to seeing a post from you sometime in the near future looking for help with morning sickness!!

God Bless!

~ L.

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Hi J.
I went thru a very similar situation. I was diagnosed with PCOS, Hashimoto's Hypothryoidism. Went from regular periods to sometimes non in as long as 3 years. So when we decided to try, I just went off the pill as my doc advised (he was referred to me and not someone I had any experience with). After 3 months of nothing, he put me on Clomid. After doubling and quadrupling the dose and 3 more months, I simply never ovulated. Completely disgusted as I KNEW I has PCOS even before I was officially diagnosed, I went to another doctor who I had worked with in the hospital where I worked. He tried one month of Clomid and said, "I am done here, you need a specialist". We went to see Dr. Jane Frederick in Laguna Hills and within 5 minutes had us so comfortable with a definite plan of action I cried. I had a laparoscopy to make sure my tubes and uterus were OK, checked my hubby's swimmers (they were OK) and then she put me on the pill (which seemed strange but she wanted to control my hormones). We went thru one round of IUI and still nothing. I think it was a "just in case" as I still wasn't ovulating satisfactorily. Finally we started IVF. Strike one. She changed the regimen of medication and did assisted hatching and ICSI and lo and behold I was pregnant! I had 3 embryos implanted, and ALL 3 TOOK! I lost one at 11 weeks and the other 2 were fine. My gorgeous girls are 6 now and I wouldn't trade all we went thru for anything! You have probably heard it before, but you are really young still. I also wonder about your not telling anyone what you are going thru. Why? I think it adds undue stree to what is already a very stressful situation. Just my 2 cents. I wish you luck in whatever you decide. If you want to talk about it more, feel free to email me. Happy New Year!!

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Hi my name is LaShonda I am sorry to here about your PCOS I just wanted to send you my blessing and I hope everytrhing works out for you. All I know is that GOD made our bodies in a special way and all we have to do is try to kepp them as healthy as possible. I have you every tried any natural products. I know of a product called GLUCOSE REGULATION COMPLEX, I don't have an insulin issue but I know people say that it has help them alot. Also take protein and vitamins people just don't know how important those this are. you can find this stuff at
WWW.SHAKLEE.NET/HEALTHYDESIRE. I wish you all the best and many blessings in the new year

L.

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I know this is an old request and I did not take time to read the responses, but the one thing that I want to encourage you to do --- be sure to take pre-natal vitamins ALL the time. You don't know when you will be blessed with conception and you want to know that your folic acid level is high enough (other items too but especially folic acid for early brain development). From the experience of friends I know that you need to treat yourself as if you are pregnant before you are. Blessings to you!

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Hey J.! I can relate to you so much...i have PCOS and I had hyper and hypothyroidism when I was in HS. There is an "unknown" remedy I beleive to work with getting prego! Try Lydia Pinkhams! It's slogan is "A Baby in Every Bottle!" Sounds crazy? I was taking it for my PCOS to help me ovulate more regularily. I took it on and off for a total of 2 weeks, when you are supposed to take a spoonful every day, and I got pregos the next month. I wasn't trying to get pregnant I was actually trying to help the cysts on my ovaries and to get rgular cycles. The next month of going in for an ultrasound to see if the cysts had gone down, I was prego! It has helped many women in my family, including my great-great grandmother! It tastes awful, but you get used to it! You can buy it online! Keep me posted!!! Don't fret, you are only 27!!! Hang in there. My prayers are with you! Lydia Pinkhams!!! Go baby in a bottle!!!

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J., i know i am a little late in responding, and i read your reply, and i am sooo glad that the answers have made you feel better. I wanted to share this with you as just one extra.

In my early twenties, i was single and free, and got involved with the wrong person, and ended up having an abortion, and feeling horrible about myself. Over time i learned by the Grace of God i was ok, i was forgiven.

At the age of 37 i found out i was pregnant, i was changing jobs, single and could not believe that after all that time i was finally pregnant, but what seemed like the worst time. Well i got straight God and I prayed and now my life is wonderful. My daughter Isabella was born in June of 2006, i have progressed in my position at work, started back to college to get my MBA, and moved into my first house with my daughter. God is amazing, and although i had struggled with the guilt, and then finally the acceptance i would not have children, God never gave up on me, and he knew when to give me my blessings, and my daughter is a blessing. So don't worry, don't stress, just relax, go to the doctor, get a physical make sure you and your spouse are both healthy and just live in the Grace, God will provide. I am living proof.

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Hi J.,

I know you have already gotten TONS of response's, but I know when I was going through this, I welcomed ALL the encouragement I could get. I haven't read your response's because you have so many, but if I may share with you that we tried for 5 years before I conceived. We did not use any methods at all but prayer and claiming scriptures in the Bible. I was 40 when I had my first, and I will be 41 in March and just had my second. Some of the scriptures that I spoke over myself, was that Children are a gift from God and I knew that God would not withhold a gift from me because of his love for me. I also read Deut.28 which is a chapter of blessings and curses, I would read the blessings over me, and then read the curses in reverse. Also, the Bible says that God will give you the desires of your heart. He has placed this desire inside of you, so He will bring it to pass. There are tons more, so I encourage you to find some promises from God for YOU and then read them over yourself and also have your husband pray over your womb to be opened. My husband did this for me almost every night. I was actually shocked when I finally did conceive and it was all by the Holy Spirit. I'm not saying you shouldn't use other means, I'm just saying let the Holy Spirit guide you with peace and not anxiousness. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your path!!

Blessings to you! Hope this encouraged you!
T.

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Hi Jen,
I am sure that you are tired of getting responses but I had to tell you my personal story. My husband and I did not use any birth control for 2 years, even though we weren't "trying" we were not preventing. When we finally decided to start trying it was 5 months before our wedding becaues I knew that it was going to be hard to get pregnant since I have PCOS. I took Clomid for 5 months, than we had our wedding and our honeymoon and exactly one month from the day we got married we conceived our wonderful son. I tell you this story because my doctor said that I was probably under too much stress and now that the stress was gone we were able to conceive. I am not sure where you live but if you live in the Sacramento area I can give you the names of some wonderful doctors who treat infertility. Also, I recommend getting properly treated for your PCOS, most doctors put people on Metformin and Spironolactone to balance out the hormones. Please let me know if you need any more information because I am currently going through the process all over again. Good Luck.
Jenn

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I see you got lots of responses & have put up your Thanks Message, but I scrolled through them and didn't see any mention of what I wanted to suggest. I hope you won't mind one more message. I just wanted to suggest a wonderful organization called Resolve, in case you want to do some research, join a support group, find other treatments, etc.

In case you haven't heard of Resolve, it's a resource for all things infertility. We went to a symposium hosted by the organization, took lots of little seminars that day, got lots of referrals. I wanted very much to talk to other women going through what I was going through and we found a support group run by a wonderful therapist. That helped me immensely to heal, move on, get going with the path we chose, and get ready to be a mother in whatever way I could do it. I want to make it clear that no one urges you to go in any particular direction. It's merely a place to go to learn of what's out there to help you. Their web address is http://www.resolve.org

The cost to join was quite low and the therapist's fee for the support group was very reasonable. She had been through it all herself and was perfect for helping us go through our time.

I wish you all the best and I hope everything goes smoothly for you.
C.

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I got married when I was 27 and I had been on the pill for approx. 6 years at that point. I had, had some problems with menstration in adolesence but relatively fine in my 20's so I was unaware that I had PCOS or even what it was, until after 3 years of trying for a baby - nothing. I was until that point a fun, loving, joyful, upbeat, and enthusiastic person. My husband and I decided to "try" the infertility road and see what happened - during this stage of our lives, I became a different person. Everything about me changed. My body changed when I rapidly gained over 35lbs. My emotions and moods were crazy and I was extremely bitter and angry at the "unfairness" that I had wanted to be a mother since I could remember and now it looked like I could not - when at the sametime relatives were "popping them out" easily and even unexpectedly/unwanted. It seemed a cruel twist of fate.

We tried almost everything except the IVF which we could not afford. After almost a total of 4 1/2 years of trying/treatment, we were both exhausted, almost bankrupt, stressed out and just frustrated/dissappointed. We didn't want to talk about it to family and friends because most people really didn't understand. The few people we did discuss it with, we well-meaning but really couldn't relate or trully understand because they had not experienced it. They also were concerned with the negative/angery changes and the stress that this was all causing for both my husband and myself. We finally just had to make the decision to stop and try to get our sanity back and recopriate financially. It was the hardest thing I have ever done.... it felt like I was giving up on my most important dream/goal in life. I was still pretty bitter about it and mentally "fighting" the reality of it.

New Year's Eve 2000 (which was almost 3 monthes after we stopped everything) we decided to go out of town, spend money we didn't have, and really change our attitude and "start a new life" for yourselves. Focus again on our marriage, on traveling, on our own hobbies, etc. Just choose to forget about a baby/family for alittle while. We were not giving up, but just deciding to schedule a "break" and to mentally force ourselves to take that break.

I think that it was the attitude change, the re-focus, finally relaxing and "getting it go" not to mention a Miracle of God, that very night we conceived "the old fashioned way". There are no medical explanations. And I was one of those people who some others had said "just let it go, you are obessing over this, getting yourself too stressed out, it's never going to work like that". But of course in my self-pity and devastation from the whole experience, I would bitterly say to myself - easy for you to say - you don't know how important this is to me. I couldn't make myself understand that I was "creating a destructive cycle" with all my worrying, measuring, scheduling, researching, testing, etc. Physically I DID have valid, medical problems which were contributing to our infertility. However, my attitude, my approach, my obsessing was sabotaging any of our medical efforts. My "energy" was blocking all the medications and procedures.(don't worry I'm not one of those new-age guru's or anything - but the "vibe" or feelings I was holding onto and putting out were totally affecting me) I REALLY DID need to just "LET GO".

I know what you are thinking because I was there.... well you got lucky, you GOT pregnant. Easy for you to say...I KNOW, I GET IT! And there is no guarantee that you will EVER get pregnant, however it's a guarantee that if you continue with an attitude/approach like I did, you will be miserable!!! You may become a totally different person; a person that you, your husband and your daughter does not like to be around. The quality of your life will be compromised and hijacked by this infertility cycle.

Try to entertain the idea of "letting go" for even just 6 months, maybe a year. You are only 27 - (I didn't give birth to my daughter until I was 33) you have some time to readjust and to reanalyze your daily life/thoughts/goals. Put all of the energy, time and money that you have been spending on all this medical stuff and invest it into yourself, your marriage and into your daughter. Focus your parenting on her. Make her feel like she's the most special person in the world (and try to convince yourself that she is ENOUGH). Realistically, it's still going to be difficult. Real life is YOU will still have a "need for a bio-child". But use your strengths to overcome and refocus those realities, and enjoy the life you DO have. Enjoy your child that ARE raising.

At the very least this change will bring the joy back into your daily lives. It will help you to appreciate the qualities and characteristics of yourself, your husband and your daughter. Remind the friends and family that are "asking THE question" that you HAVE a family and share something that your daughter DID in school/camp/church/etc. With your refocus, they will need to be refocused and their questions redirected. People just don't "get it" and need to learn to be more empathetic.

I hope you don't take my words in a harsh way, because I KNOW WHAT IT's LIKE. I lived it. I was miserable. After that night in 2000, I really had to learn to refocus, reprioritize and redirect my attitude.

8 years later and 2 miracle babies later(they are 6 1/2 and 4 now) I still struggle thru our daily lives, but I can say that I experience joy more regularily now. We didn't go bankrupt, or get a divorce, or go too crazy. It was and still is a challenge to have gone thru "those years". And believe me after going thru all of THAT you'd think that mothering my kids would be easy, that I would appreciate them soooo much that I would glide thru my day.... HA!!! Reality is life is hard no matter what you are going thru. But if we try to look at the glass half full, if we try to enjoy the little moments in time each day, if we try to recall the things we are grateful for ---- the hard, dissappointing, frustrating parts of our days/lives don't get the attention/energy. We can be somewhat content with what we have, being hopefull for the future and whatever interesting adventures it may hold.

Good Luck!

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Hang in there Jen...you may not think so...but you are still very young. I'm 35 now and just had my first (and hopefully not last!) 20 months ago. Seems like you got some good advice here so just keep you head up, keep praying and God will lead you.

1 mom found this helpful

You are still really young. Right now, enjoy your beautiful 9 year old and relax. Get healthy. Take a break from fertility treatments and even thinking about fertility. Clomid is really hard on your system, physically, mentally and emotionally. After awhile on Clomid it's hard to know what's right side up. Your body is being forced with this sledge hammer drug into creating life, and after awhile things really get messed up. Becoming pregnant requires that your life be in balance.

If you are an exercise fanatic, bring it down a notch. It's hard to get pregnant with a competitive uber-athlete body and mentality. Moderate exercise (walking, swimming) and yoga will help balance your physical and emotional state. Also, eat fresh un-processed foods--lots of green salads, fruit, whole grains. Stay away from junk food.

Okay, enough of the preachy stuff you've heard before. Here's my story. Maybe it will help.

I was 37 or 38 when my husband and I finally decided to try to get pregnant. We had been very career driven filmmakers in New York and Los Angeles. Years had gone by and it was pretty late on my bio-clock. So, I started monitoring my ovulation, taking my temperature, etc. After awhile, I felt way too anxious about getting pregnant. It also took all the fun out of our love life. So we had a talk. We very much looked forward to starting a family. But, we also enjoyed our life together without children. We loved to travel. Life was exciting, unfettered. So we made a conscious decision to embrace our future together whether it included a child or not. We stopped "trying" to get pregnant.

Without the stress of trying, and after one miscarriage, the first miracle happened: I got pregnant. Two months after my 40th birthday I gave birth to my daughter.

Two years later, even though our beautiful daughter was the focal point of our life, we thought about having another child. Then, over a year passed with a few miscarriages and one molar pregnancy. Time was ticking so we decided to try the fertility specialist at Kaiser Permanente. For four months he put me on Clomid. No results. So he cut me off because he said I was just too old. My hormones levels were shot and fertility treatments would no longer be effective. I was upset, but I was sick of the Clomid, tired being consumed with the whole process and done with spending the money. My husband and I had a conversation very similar to the one we'd had before my daughter was conceived. We love our daughter beyond the limits of love. Our life together was full, happy and overflowing with possibilities. So we just forgot about trying for a second child and moved on.

Since I couldn't get pregnant, we also stopped using birth control. Imagine our shock when, in February of 2003 I got pregnant. I was 47 when my son was born.

So, miracles can happen. Babies do come when the time is right and when they're least expected... when we give it up and enjoy what we have now.

You have plenty of time.

1 mom found this helpful

I too adopted. Two beautiful children from Russia 2 1/2 year old boy and 1 1/2 year old girl in 2001. I wouldn't trade them for the world although it was a tearful journey to reach that decision. Doctors could never find out why we couldn't have children so I decided it was because God meant Bryce Oleg and Amy Ksenia to be ours. Sometimes I still wish I had gotten pregnant but maybe God knew the baby might not be healthy and we wouldn't be the best parents for a special needs baby. I guess we will never know until we get to heaven to ask those questions. Good luck and let Him take you where you need to be.

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Hi J.. I am a 54 year old mother of two grown kids. I had my first child, a daughter, at the age of 22. Got divorced and had my second child with husband #2 when my daughter was 7. That child was a girl, born full-term, but STILLBORN due to my having TOXEMIA. Needless to say, I was devastated! I wanted to start trying for a baby right away, I was so grief stricken. The doctor advised me to wait at least 6 months to a year, to get my body back and to wait for the autopsy report to see what happened so that I could rectify the problem. Once I passed the 6th month of waiting, my husband and I tried all the time, to no avail. My sister-in-law announced that she was pregnant the month that I had lost my baby, so although I was happy for my brother and his wife in their upcoming joy, I was highly depressed at my own loss and grief. It is very difficult to lose a baby at birth, the nursery was all set up and I came home without a baby, with a body that still looked pregnant and with milk still flowing in my breasts. People constantly would see that I had had the baby and cheerfully ask me what I had. I became a recluse and did not want to go out. I didn't want to watch TV cos of the babies and Diaper commercials. Anyway, I tried for several months and when I FINALLY RELAXED, 11 months later, it happened. I got pregnant. I was 30 at the time. I went to a HIGH RISK PREGNANCY DOCTOR and 20 months after losing my daughter, had a HEALTHY SON, who is now 23 years old. My first daughter is now 33. This letter is to encourage you that sometimes when you least expect it, and you relax, LIFE HAPPENS. I have an aunt that tried unsuccessfully to have children for 8 years. She adopted my cousin Jeff,who was a newborn, and the month she adopted, she found out she was pregnant. She has two sons close in age now. A girlfriend of mine also adopted, after her first child (born naturally) died at the age of 14 months. The month that she adopted, she found out she was pregnant. She now has two healthy kids, the first one adopted, the second her own biological. It just goes to show you, when people RELAX it seems to happen. I hope that this encourages you. I also want to say that at 27, you have a LONG WAY TO GO to feel like time is passing you by. I have friends who had healthy kids well into their late 30's and even early 40's. Don't feel that time is your enemy. You are a BABY yet, by my standards! LOL Good luck sweetie. Keep in touch.

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I would suggest a more holistic, acupuncture path. Denise Lotts, Licensed acupuncturist in Naples Plaza in Long Beach. I don't know her but my acupuncturist recommended her. I would also recommend, yoga, massage, and chiropractic. Your body must be healthy physically and emotionally. Loading a bunch of hormones into your body backfires. Good luck!

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Dr. Shu Rong Zhu helped my cousin out. My cousin had several miscarriages. Dr. Zhu helped her make her cycles longer so that her eggs would be mature and therefore her pregnancies would be more successful. Also, Dr. Zhu helped her when she was bleeding while pregnant with her 2nd son. She believes Dr. Zhu saved her son's life. Dr. Zhu can help you prepare your body for pregnancy and keep your pregnancy strong.

Zhu's Acupuncture & Herb Clinic
2001 S Barrington Ave #212
Los Angeles
###-###-####

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My mom had 8 miscarriages and they told her she would never have any babies. After being under regular chiropractic care for 1.5 years and eating mainly vegetarian, she became pregnant with me and then went on to have my brother, as well.

Emerita natural progesterone cream in the am - over the ovaries after your shower.

No artificial sweeteners.

Find a chiropractor who specializes in infertility and I have a few more ideas, if you are interested in natural things. Don't worry....I'm not selling anything. I just have an amazing circle of professionals.

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Hi J.,

I have two suggestions. 1) Reading as previously recommended, if you haven't already done so, Taking Charge of Your Fertility. and 2) Seeing an accupuncturist because it sounds like you could have several things going on. It always frustrates me when western medicine doctors try to fix problems by giving you medicine. Medicine to make you have a period, medicine to make you ovulate rather than find out why your having these problems to begin with. Many accupuncturists try to find the root cause of the problem and use eastern medicine such as needles and herbs, not to mention altering your diet, to correct the root cause. Good luck to you!

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HI J.,
I just read your "So what happened" and had to respond to you even though your question was months ago. I too have PCOS and a few other medical problems. My husband and I tried to get pregnant for 1 1/2 years before going to see an infertility specialist. To make a long story short about 6 months later I was pregnant with twins!!! They are now 1 1/2 years old and happy and healthy. Every time I hear someone with a similar story as mine I want to reach out. I want you to know that you are NOT alone. I know it feels like it b/c no one, no matter how supportive knows what it is like to go through this. It is stressful, heartbreaking, painful, emotional and truly tiring to go through all the different emotions and medicines and to just feel so alone. Please know that if you ever, ever need to talk you can e-mail me. You can vent, cry complain...whatever you need to do, I will listen and hopefully be able to support you. Here is a little of my story... I was on Clomid for almost a year when I insisted that we move ahead. After 3 rounds of insemination I again insisted we move to IVF. I was not willing to do this forever and knew that if this didnt work for us we were going to adopt. I wanted to just move forward. One round later of IVF and my miracle babies were on their way!!! I had a great pregnancy and thank those doctors every day for what they do. Time and patience will pay off for you. It may take all of your patience but it will all be worth it in the end. Again, please dont feel alone and if you ever need to talk I am here!!
D.

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Hey I know that I am late here. I want you to know my sisters storyand hopefully it gives you hope. Both of us have PCOS yet I am not sure that my story will be the best one of the 2. My sister tried everything except IVF for 9 years. When she was 30 she decided that she just wasn't meant to have kids and decided to reduce stress in her life. Ironically a few months later she got pregnant with her miracle baby boy. Has had a little girl and now has had no more children in the last 5 1/2 years. The thing that she reminds me when I am going through the treaments is that it is important to remember that PCOS doesn't stop ovulation completely but makes it really irregular. That eating healthy and doing what you can to relax will help you possibly get pregnant faster. The things that I do that I am not sure help but sure they don't hurt despite taking the medication prescribed by my OBGYN is getting a massage to relax, going to the chiroprator. I hope that you have what you want someday. I feel for you.

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Hi Jen,
Wow, you had a lot of responses! How great. I am sure you are sick of reading the same story over and over, but just wanted to also encourage you.
I was 34 when I started to try to get pregnant. I married at 31. I could not believe that I couldn't do it and tried for 2 years without infertility help. I understand the frustration.
So I finally decided to try the "drugs". I started on Clomid, nothing. So we decided a few months later that I would try Follistim. I injected it into my stomach with a little needle for a week or so. Not fun. It stimulates follicle growth.
Got pregnant, then miscarried. What a terrible thing for a woman to go through. It hurt physically and mentally.

Then, I tried all year. To my despair, it didn't work. So I took a whole cycle off to give my body a break.

Then they increased the meds from 50 to 275 a day. Still Follistim.
I finally got pregnant, and with quadruplets. I did an IUI but 2 days in a row. I guess that was going over board, but I wanted a baby so badly.

I ended up having healthy twins. they are 2 and a handful, to say the least, haha.

It will happen if it is meant to. All of these moms that responded know what you are going through, and as you can see, you are not alone.

Be excited that the future will hold something special, whether it is a natural born or adopted child. Either way, you will bring some child a wonderful life. Rejoice in that.
God bless, and as hard as it is, believe me I know, try to be patient.
If you pray about it, God will answer your prayer, but in his time.
Happy new year.

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Hi J.,
Obviously you have had many responses and I haven't read thru them all but wanted to throw out another idea that I doubt anyone suggested.

I see a refloxogist every now and then and he told me he has a very high success rate with helping woman get pregnant by removing blockages thru massaging their feet. Well a frien of mine had been trying to get pregnant for ever, maybe 10 years. The dotors told her it wasn't going to happen and to stop trying. She decided to take my reccomendation and go to the refloxogist. Well, guess what, she now has a 6 month old baby girl!

His name is Eric Huffman he's in the Lincoln Square area of Chicago and can be reached at ###-###-#### or ____@____.com did just leave for a retreat he does every year in Hawaii, but will be back at the end of the month. It's possible that his partner, Ryan is available though so if you're anxious to get started give a call and see if he is available.

It's worth a try, plus you get a nice reflexology to boot. Sure beats taking clomed.

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Pls give serious look at www.menoqueen.com Vickie has helped a dozen or more women like yourself (or worse) have healthy babies w/o the costly invitro nor dangerous med.
She's speaking live Thurs 7pm Aug 30 in Costa Mesa. RSVP, J. ###-###-#### Don't get snowballed down a medical nightmare trail. Another resource www.women4balance.com/4health.

1 mom found this helpful

J., I'm not sure where you live, but I saw Dr. Deborah Minjarez - she is with Schoolcraft's clinic in Denver (as did about 10 of my friends!) We all had babies via her intervention - she is amazing. ###-###-####

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Hi J.. I know that your original post is old but I couldn't help but write to you anyway. I didn't read all of the responses but wanted to add my opinion in case it may help you. I have two thoughts for you to consider. I'm not sure if either of these can be credited with the conception of my son but after trying without success, I did get pregnant within two months of using these. First is the product Preseed. You can check out all the details on the website preseed.com. Also, I'm not sure how you are tracking your cycle but I used the ClearBlue Easy fertility monitor and while it is a bit pricy, compared to buying the monthly "pee on a stick" fertility test, I figured it was worth the investment. I found it very easy to use and felt comfort in feeling that I wasn't "missing out on a fertility opportunity". My heart goes out to you and I hope that my post may help you! Good luck and stay positive:)

To a degree I can relate to your situation. My husband and I tried for years and years to get pregnant. Every month I would cry and cry when my period came. My husband thought that we just needed to keep trying but I just so tired of the process. My need to have a bio baby was outweighed by my desire to have a baby. We decided on adoption and chose Guatemala because of the possibility to bring home a 4-5 mos old. Unfortunately the program in that country is closed right now, but while it was open we brought home a 8 mos old boy and less than a year later his 10 mos old sister. Having two toddlers in the house now has completely cured me of the need to have a baby - I think I would lose my mind completely now if I were to actually get pregnant. :) I know that you posted that you adopted an older child, but newborn adoption is also a great option if you are open to it. Domestic adoption can get you a baby right from the hospital, or there is infant adoption from Korea still. My heart goes out to you and my prayers will be with you to find a way to ease your pain.

Hi J.,

I read through some of the responses but I didn't see acupuncture mentioned. I know this has been used many times for infertility and many other medical problems. If you are willing to check it out, it might help!

Good luck!

Hi Jen,

I know it's been some time since you wrote about your infertility and I hope that things are working out for you now, but I recently came across some information that no one else mentioned to you. I have my own fertility issues (3 miscarriages so far) but have been blessed with a sweet daughter (2.5 years) who was born 2 months premature. Anyway, in researching my own problems, I discovered a website that was so interesting that I had to buy the book and I am convinced that I have this problem. The website is: www.wilsonstemperaturesyndrome.com and is a thyroid system problem, not just a thyroid gland problem. It's brought on from extreme stress or extreme dieting and can have many of the symptoms of hypothyroidism despite having a normal T4 level and, of course, one of the symptoms is infertility and/or miscarriages. I have an appointment with an endocrinologist and I am so excited to discuss this issue with him and have hope for the future. And it's so easy to check if you have it...take your temperature! Normal is 98.6 and mine is in the 96s/97s and I have many of the symptoms. I hope you check it out. Good luck to you! Oh, and I agree with a lot of the other women when they suggested the book "Taking Charge of your Fertility" by Toni Weschler (it's fabulous for understanding your body and predicting ovulation), regular chiropractic care, moderate exercise and eating organic whole foods as much as possible (NO fast food!) Feel free to contact me if you have any questions.

G.

Hi J.!

I know just how you feel... I haven't been able to get pregnant with a second child for many years. It's so frustrating. I also have PCOS as well... I'm taking medicine for that though, so I was just wondering if you are as well, or if you have seen an endocrinologist. I can tell you that I have been on this medicine metformin for about 6 weeks and I really didn't think it was doing anything until I got my period, and it was normal. It wasn't heavy, wasn't lite, didn't come with horrible cramps or mood swings, I didn't hate my husband or my kids or wonder why every person on the planet became a complete idiot just for the one week when I happened to be on my period. (All symptoms of the PCOS evidently) But, my regular dr never once offered me any kind of meds for the PCOS. The endocrinologist was the one who gave them to me. So, I guess I would have to suggest seeing an endocrinologist if you can.

Meanwhile, emotionally, it is so devastating to not be able to get pregnant when you want to so badly... My sister in law has had two babies in the time I've been married and everyone in the family knows that my husband and I want to have children together and that we haven't been able to. It is very hard to go through, I know it's not any easier just because you haven't told your friends that you are trying again!

If you ever need someone to talk to who knows what it feels like, feel free to shoot me an email!! ____@____.com

Huggles!!
~S.~

J. - the simplest thing I can tell you is the stress of trying to get pregnant is a probably a big part of the reason you haven't actually gotten pregnant! We ended up "needing" to use fertility (clomid and IUI) for several months before we conceived my daughter, and then 19 months later, when we agreed wasn't the best time to get pregnant again, we conceived our son on maybe the third time we had sex in several months. Also, you may not feel it, but you are still very young. Take time to enjoy your freedom and do fun things with your daughter now, and let your natural child decide when he/she wants to come!

Hi J.,
I tried for a year on clomid and it was the last dose of clomid that I was able to take that did it for me, so don't give up.

As far as what to do or say about friends and family's questions and comments, I would be honest. For me, it would be harder shrugging it off and acting like it was no big deal when really it is and it is bothering you a lot. If you tell them, they will surely be understanding and not bug you about it anymore... and who knows, maybe some of them will have some advice to offer you from experiences that you may not even know about.

Good luck,
L.

I have heard that thistle works well with fertility issues and womens systems. I found that it worked well for me.
As for the people asking when you are going to have a baby, just tell them that you have a beautiful baby, who is getting old too fast, that will help to stop them asking and pressuring you...
Good luck!
R.

I know i'm a little late (hopefully you may not even need this information anymore!) and you have an OVERWHELMING number of responses - the support here is so great :)
I just wanted to steer you in the direction that helped me (and continues to help me) through our years of infertility so far...
Babyzone.com has incredibly active boards that are focused only on TTC (trying to conceive) and the support and encouragement and information is amazing... there are always women who have been there or are there now and every post you do will have quick and numerous responses... a lot like this board but with a specific focus on infertility.

http://www.babyzone.com/Community/Topics.asp?brd=395 ~ this is the link to the basic one but there are also other boards for TTC 9+months, over 2 years, advanced fertiltiy issues and many others (here's the link to the list: http://www.babyzone.com/community/boards.asp?brd=526)
hope that helps and good luck!! i know how infertility can be a difficult and emotional rollercoaster!

Get the book "Taking Charge of Your Fertility"...my friend was having trouble and this book helped her a lot. She now has 2 beautiful children!

I hope this message isn't too late - I just read your reply today. My heart goes out to you. I, too went through infertility. I have been married twice, and both times my husband and I tried to get pregnant, with no luck. The hardest part was the docs gave us no reason why, which made it even harder to deal with. I felt a failure as a woman, that somehow I was defective, and that God was somehow telling me I wouldn't be a fit mother. I cried many tears. My second husband and I went through one cycle of IVF, but the emotional pain of that was so great, that I stopped after that one cycle.

I think it was at that point I told myself, having a baby wasn't meant to be for me. I had to move on with my life and accept things as they were. Believe me, it was hard because I had to find a new way to live. It was kind of like giving birth to myself. It was extremely difficult and my marriage didn't survive, so that was another blow.

Wanting to be a mother is such a a complex issue. It's filled with societal expectations of us, our own limitations are exposed, and motherhood is such a powerful image for women in our society. I ended up doing my master's thesis in psychology on the topic. It helped me a great deal to sort a lot of things out.

That being said, I know exactly how you are feeling. You are lucky to have a daughter - mothering is not so much about giving birth as it is to nurture a child, loving her and loving yourself. It's difficult for men to discuss these issues for a lot of reasons, but it might help (if you both agree) to find a third party to just talk about your feelings and get them out in the open.

Also, if you already haven't, I'd have a long talk with my doctor and discuss your chances, reasons why, and what other options are out there. It's just for peace of mind.

I'm childless, (or childfree), but I had to learn to accept it. It's hard - but it isn't fatal. I had to learn to grieve for the loss. It takes a long time, but it's possible to be happy and contented.

Of course, with you, pregnancy is always possible. You're young and have lots of time. You will know when you reach the point that you can no longer be consumed by wanting to become pregnant, and it will be ok.

I hope this helps you a little. You are not alone.
M.

Hi J.,

My husband and I are 13 weeks pregnant with our second child. Our daughter just turned 1 year old a few weeks ago. We went through In Vitro for both pregnancies. We tried on our own for three years, had one miscarriage and decided it was time to get serious. I'm now 41 and my husband is 39.

We have friends who went through in vitro with their first and had a surrogate with their second, so we talked to them. They recommended their fertility doctor, and we LOVED him.

But, yes, the first time going through it was very embarrassing. All of my friends are done having babies, or are just starting out, but I didn't think any one else had had any trouble.

As it turns out, I have one friend who went through menopause at 24, and another friend, (late 30's), who's currently going through in vitro after trying many other things.

This second time around I've been much more willing to talk to people about it (especially if they're having trouble) mainly because our daughter is so wonderful and it was worth all of the shots and embarrassment to have her. I've been amazed at how many women are having fertility issues these days. It's everywhere!

In my case, after getting tested by our fertility doctor, he said the only issue that I had was that I was old, so he was very optimistic about our chances. You probably know all of the statistics about age - they usually say it drops at 35, then severely drops at 40, but you're right to be concerned now. It's tough being 41 and pregnant! But we wanted to add to our family so badly that it's a small price to pay.

I don't know what else to say, I'm assuming you've talked to fertility doctors, but if not, I'd say pursue in vitro if you can - many insurance companies will cover it (some of it or all of it) and some doctors have sliding scales to make it more affordable. If nothing else, getting tested (and your husband too) will answer questions.

If you've already done that, then hang in there. You'll make decisions that are right for you and your family. Stay away from negative people, and when others bug you about babies, just say, "When we're pregnant, you'll be the first person I call" - that should shut them up. It's such a personal questions, I was always amazed when people felt free to ask me or to joke about it. I think it's just that if people didn't have trouble getting pregnant themselves, it doesn't occur to them that others might.

It can be frustrating.

I think it's really lovely that you want children, and I think it's wonderful that you adopted a little girl. I wish you the best on your journey and wish you strength in your decision making.

Best,
L.

hi, this may sound like a strange response to you, but go see a chiropractor. I used to work for one and he came accross a lot of women who were having problems with not being able to have children. They recieved chiropractic treatment and very soon after were pregnant.
I would seriously consider it, it's worth a try!

Hi J.,

I don't have advice, but I know your situation. I lived it for a very long time. I was diagnosed with PCOS as well. I had a miscarriage in my early 20's. Although I was hurt and saddened by the miscarriage, I also knew that it was a blessing in disguise because I was in a bad relationship with a man I knew wouldn't be a good father. So, I didn't worry too much. Fast forward a few years, I'm married to the perfect man who wants to be a father in the worst way and I can't conceive. And on the rare occasion that I manage to get pregnant, I miscarry it. I never told him I was pregnant for some of the miscarriages, I dealt with them alone. Finally though, after several failed attempts with Clomid, I GOT PREGNANT. It can work, Clomid can work for you! And if not Clomid, there are so many other fertility options. Think positively and send good thoughts into the universe. You can't be gloom and doom emotionally, its not conducive to ovulation or pregnancy. Have high hopes, your mommy time will come. I know that's easier said than done, but coming from someone who found success with it after a long, hard journey that's the best advice I know how to give.
I just celebrated my baby's 1st birthday and am looking to try again soon, with Clomid. I don't have the emotional or physical strength to go through any more miscarriages. Best of luck in your journey. If you want to chat, feel free to email me.

You have lots of advice, just want to add that I also have PCOS, hypothyroidism, and was told by a fertility specialist I wouldn't be able t conceive. I saw a great dr. Dr. James Lin in Irvine ###-###-####. I soo recommend him, he took into account our values as we looked at options for IVF (not wanting to do selective whatever they call it when you discard some of the embryos). He was great, his staff is great. If you decide to see a fertility dr., I highly recommend him. I traveled 1 hour to my appts just to see him rather than follow up with my local fertility dr. Best to you!
T.

"Doc" Joel Wallach (a naturopathic doctor and vet) has helped many women get pregnant with nutritional supplements. Call him at the Dead Doctors Don't Lie radio show: 1-888-379-2552; the time is 2 pm CT, M-F.
Best Wishes,
C.

I wouldn't be shy about talking to other people about it. You will be shocked to find out how many friends and family members have had the same trouble. It creates a great support system and stops the annoying questions like "when are you going to have a baby".
My husband has 2 vasectomies, a reversal and we did IVF. It was tough, but we got through it all. I was never shy about telling people what was going on (except for my parents, but I got over it when we had to fork over the cash for IVF and needed help). Don't feel like there is something "wrong" - it's a challenge and you need the support from your family and friends.
Best of Luck!

Dear J.,
I just read half of all the responses you have gotten since you first put out your request last summer and I haven't seen what I am about to suggest to you, so here goes.
I take (and have taken for over eight years) a product called Juice Plus+ which, simply put, is 17 juiced fruits, veggies and grains reduced to a powder and placed in capsules, chewables or gummies for easy consumption! What convinced me that it had merit when I was first introduced to it in 2000 were the gold-standard, medical journal studies specifically done on it! Why I am mentioning this to you is that a retrospective study has been done on women taking JP+ which has shown fabulous results in areas related to pregnancy. This study has spawned a gold-standard study as well.
Though I cannot promise you a pregnancy with Juice Plus+, there is a lot of hope here. If you'd like more information, write me at ____@____.com best to you!
J. F.

Hi J.,
I would recommend you find an acupuncturist in your area who specializes in helping with infertility.
Good luck!
C. Tanaka, DC
www.naturallifechiro.com

I didn't read the responses you got but I would highly recommend acupuncture, and someone trained in China with a good reputation. My husband and I tried for 4 years and got pregnant after trying acupuncture and following her prescriptions exactly - no alcohol, Chinese herb tea - for 5.5 months.

Hi- I know you already got a ton of responses, but I just saw this. I was 38 when I finally became successfully pregnant. I had a flawless pregnancy and healthy child( he's 5 now). I has DES exposure while my mother was pregnant with me in the 60's. I had 3 miscarrages over the 15 years of my marriage. Don't let the stress get to you, just give it up to your power and if it is meant to be, it will be. My chances of a successful pregnancy was nil and I consider my child a blessing and a miracle. Never in my dreams did I think I would be giving birth at 39- you have MANY good years of child bearing in you. Just let it go within yourself and when you have it alright with yourself that even if you don't have a biological child- you will be ok because you are already blessed with a loving family.............chance are it will happen you you, it did me.

J.,
I second all the other advice you received. It took us two years to get my daughter (I've had two ovarian surgeries and typically don't ovulate but a couple times a year); I tried clomid, some other meds, hormone shots, and had begun to see a fertility specialist when we ended up getting pregnant. My brother and his wife tried for five years including several in-vitro attempts and they finally had their first babe last January. SO, have faith, but, if these other bits of advice don't work, I'd suggest seeing a fertility specialist, and a good one.
Good luck and just keep trying....it will happen....
L.

Hi J.-
Do not give up hope! I was diagnosed with PCOS at 21 or 22. I never had a regular period and who knows if and/or when I even ovulate. We tried clomid several times (along with other drugs), IUI, I had a laparoscopy to clean up scar tissue, 2 failed attempts at IVF and then my doctors suggested ovarian drilling. It is a procedure where they literally make little holes in the surface of your ovaries and it alters the hormonal composition somehow (It's been a while and I can't remember the details, but it worked for me!). Right after that we went right back and did one more round of IVF and now I have a 3 month old wonderful little boy!! I understand that it is hard to talk about and you don't go very long not thinking about it, but I suggest you pursue more medical advice for exactly what treatment will be best for you. Every case is different, but there are so many options available now that you can't give up yet! Good luck and don't get discouraged. You just have to keep trying until you find what works for you!

Hi J.,
Your update was in the email today and although I did not read through all 79 responses you received, I just wanted to mention Herbal Healers Maca Maca. Home page: http://www.herbalhealer.com/
Maca Maca page:
http://www.herbalhealer.com/hha_products.html#maca
This is suppose to be a good natural product for fertility.
Good luck, and God bless, K.

Hi Jen,
well with all those responses I don't really think I can read through them all to see if I'm repeating something, so please forgive me. I'm also having trouble getting pregnant (though I have a son). Anyway I read a great book called "Inconceivable" written by a woman struggling with infertility. She writes about the lifestyle changes that she made that helped her get pregnant at age 42. One thing that's been running around in my mind is all the toxins and chemicals we ingest without really thinking about it (packaging, plastic, food additives, cosmetics and lotions), and getting away from those.
Another thing it reminded me to do is go to a Chinese doctor for traditional chinese medicine (TCM) and acupuncture. I've been going for 6 weeks, am on the strong (powdered) herbs, and feel like a different person. Menstrual issues are taken as a sign of health and TCM has a lot of success regulating ovulation and menstrual periods, and a lot of women find success with fertility issues by using TCM and acupuncture alone or complementary to fertility meds. My doctor has had success with women who have had no results from months on fertility meds.

Oh, and for the people that ask us, I just say it hasn't worked out yet, seems to be a gentle way to let people know it's a bit of a sensitive issue.

best wishes,
Colleen

J.,
I am not sure the status on your quest, but if you are still having difficulty, I would love to talk to you about my doctor and my experiences in Colorado Springs, Colorado. If you are still trying to get pregnant and are anywhere near this location, please write me at ____@____.com
Be Well and Happy New Year,
P.

Wow J. - I so hear you. I have been through a similar route and for me Clomid left me with cysts so I gave up. We are now pursuing adoption. I know the temptation to hide and not share what feels embarrassing and painful with others, but in the long run, it doesn't help you heal and go forward. I really encourage you to connect with your husband - he's hurting too and if you can partner together through this, you will strengthen your relationship! And your family and friends could be such a source of support for you too if you let them in. Also, I don't know if you know about the group RESOLVE. They have chapters all over and are great places for referrals and support.

Physically there are options too: acupuncture, meditation, breath work, cleanses, herbs. Miracles of healing can occur! I don't know where you live, but I have resources in Los Angeles if that would be helpful.

Much light to you and your family. If there is anything I can help you with, let me know.

J.

Hi J.,

I know I'm really late in responding . . . I struggled with infertility for two years and I know how incredibly difficult it is. Two pieces of advice: if you aren't already seeing a reproductive endocronologist, I'd highly recommend you see one (we went to the center for reproductive medicine in Minneapolis and they were great). There are lots of treatments besides chlomid. Also, I found the book "Conquering Infertility" to be really helpful. It really helped me process all of the negative emotions I was feeling. My husband read parts of it too and it really opened up a conversation between us about what we were feeling. As you can see from the number of responses to your post, you are not alone in your experience.

S.

J.: You didn't say how old you are now. Is the clomid prescribed by a fertility doctor or are you just taking it and seeing what happens? If you are having fertility issues, a) talk to your husband. He should know and be part of your quest and b) go to a fertility specialist. Gosh knows, I waiting WAY too long, then I ended up going through 4 or 5 IUI (artificial insemination), then 3 invitros before I had my kids (twins!).
I am too old to go through any of that again... but, the point is- don't do this randomly. If you really want to conceive, you and your husband should consult a specialist (especially if you had female issues in your past that may affect your ability to conceive or maintain a pregnancy). Going this route has worked for MOST, I believe!. Good luck.

Been there, but now have my miracle baby, you can too. BUT first you & your hubby should both be on the same page about this, you need his support and you both should be 'checked' by a doc. I had very similar issues that you are having, turned out it was my pituitary gland in my brain had 'shut down.' Have them check it as well as daily estrogen levels so they can pin point what's happening or not. I took clomid forever and never ovulated with it. Good luck, keep praying, it will happen. By the way, you're not getting 'older', you have time.

I also have PCOS. I was told at 15 "women like you don't have children." They didn't know what 'women like me' were, but knew we couldn't have kids. I life was ruled by hormone problems. When I was 33 they figured out that PCOS is insulin related. After 18 years someone had a clue. I was put on Metformin. I wieghted almost 300 pounds by then, blood pressure and colestral on the rise. Too much testoserone causes these problems. (as a teen I was told there were no health problems, just wieght and hair where I didn't want it). After almost a year on Metformin, I had lost about 40 pounds, blood pressure was dropping and out of the blue I started having normal periods, for the first time in my life. At 40 my wieght was down to 200 pounds (I am big boned, this put me at 20-30pounds overwieght) When my husband took me to the hospital because I couldn't stop throwing up. They saw the PCOS, and thought 'early menopause'. Nope, surprise, after 25 years of infertility, I was pregnant!! Out of the blue. I hadn't used birth control in YEARS! Nov. 1st we gave birth to a healthy son. The PCOS kept me from breastfeeding, I never had estrogen cycles to grow the proper breast tissue. But I have a son.
A 25 year journey. I had long ago accepted I wouldn't have my own children. I have been blessed to have many children to love in my life. Now I have my own. Don't give up, your body may surprise you. They know more about our condition now than they ever have. All they could do as a teen was put me on the pill and hope I got my period. There are a couple of really good books out there. Some research I have seen says that normal fertility drugs don't work for us. Addressing the underlying problem is the only thing that truely does the job. Take care of yourself, enjoy what you have been given. I learned that there was reasons other children were put into my life, they needed me.
all my love,
Tam

I know what you mean about the despair of wanting a child and feeling so alone while everyone asks so casually why you don't just have one. I have three children now. My last child I tried for years to conceive and had two miscarriages. People would ask why "you have two; isn't that enough" they would say. I don't know why but it hurt so badly. I wanted this one as bad as the first. I became embarrassed to talk about it while secretly obsessing over it constantly. After my last miscarriage I had the dye test like Marla B. and got pregnant right away also. The doctor even said it happens all the time. There was a bunch of mucus in the tube and the doctor said he wouldn't be surprised if I got pregnant soon. He was right. I am 30 and my daughter is 5mo. Prayer is so important but pregnancy is a physical thing also. You have to make sure you are physically in the best functioning shape and god will do the rest.:)
p.s. My aunt that is a year younger than me got a baby blanket from our grandma because she was afraird she would pass away before she got pregnant the year she concieved.

I'm so sorry you're in this situation. Couple of things - you say you've tried clomid but are you being seen by a good infertility doc? If not, get one now! Also, you might want to find a good therapist to help you process all this stress and sadness. Good luck!

I have had a few friends in similar situations, and one thing that has helped with them was acupuncture treatments with this lovely gal in San Diego by the name of Sarah Knaup. She has helped several women I know of with this situation. She does have a specialty in dealing with infertility. You can reach her at ###-###-#### or at ____@____.com's very discreet and can talk with you and answer questions you may have. I wish you all the best with this!

Cheers, C.

Good luck in your situation. I think it would be best to confide in your husband about what you are doing/thinking so that he can be aware and you can decide as a couple. Keeping secrets can lead to divorce, which is something your older child and possible new child do not need. Again, I wish you the best.

You are still young and have plenty of time. I had my daughter at 45 years old! My son I had at 31 years old. I had my son without any problem but having my daughter took 5 years because I got married again at 40 years old. I got pregnant right away at 40 years old, miscarried when I was 2 months along, got pregnant the following year at 41 years old, miscarried at one month. At 42 years old, we did the clomid thing, one try at artificial insemination which did not take. We gave up and I went back on the pill. Well, a year and a half later my sister got pregnant unexpectedly (she was 42 years old), I went off the pill and my husband and I did not actively try to get pregnant. Six months later I got pregnant at 44 1/2 years old. The doctor put me on a progesterone supplement and I took a baby aspirin every day. It worked! Needless to say it was an emotional journey so, believe me, I understand the pain. I have a friend who just turned 30 and her and her husband tried many years to get pregnant, she did the whole clomid thing and she had twins a year ago. One of the boys has cystic fybrosis but we believe that happened because she wanted a vaginal birth and probably should have had a C-section. It's easy to say just relax and if it is meant to be, it will happen. Maybe talk to a therapist about it if you need to.

J.,
i ache for you, as i/we experienced the pain and loneliness of infertility. i joined a group/class called MIND/BODY organization at UCLA. we met once a week for 8 weeks. all the women in the group had some sort of fertility issue. debra bandy was our leader. she is a licensed therapist in the valley, a wonderful support. out of the 13 women in our group, all but two were successful with carrying and birthing babies. a couple sets of twins and many singletons.
i will add you to my prayers.
J.
ps in september all the mind/body women in my group will meet with their many children for our 6 year reunion.

Hi J.. I am so very sorry about your situation. I am not sure if you have heard about charting, but it really is the best way to try to concieve. All it takes is a few minutes each day (i warn you lol it gets addicting). But basically you take your temperature in the morning as soon as you wake up, and chart it. You also monitor your cervical fluid (or discharge) throughout the month. After ovulation, your temperature goes up. Not only can you use this to concieve, but if having fertility issues, you can find out WHERE in your cycle theres a problem.
There are two phases in each cycle both separated by ovulation. Fertility can be jeopardized if for example your second phase (luteal phase) is too short. Implantation would never be able to take place. Thats just an example how you can use charting to pin point where the problem may be.
I highly recommend the book "Taking Charge of Your Fertility" by Toni Weschler. See if your interested. At the very least you can be in touch with your cycle and know what is going on. There is also a support website and a free trial period. Its worth a try, right?
I wish you the best of luck, J..

You have age in your favor. Fertility does not go down significantly until one's mid-thirties so you have time on your side. I would give it no more than a year on Clomid. Then I would go to a fertility specialist who does invitro. When you have a plan, the pressure subsides. I have a beautiful grandson born because of Reproductive Partners in Long Beach. Good luck. It WILL happen if you don't give up.

I know you have gotten a million responses and I only read a few, but I really felt I had to respond. I have really found that the only people who truly "get it" are people who have struggled with infertility. I get support online from CafeMom in a group called trying to conceive/infertility. My husband and I wondered what was wrong and our OB/GYN kept saying it will happen. Well looking back I feel like we wasted a lot of time -just waiting and doing Clomid, etc. there(I was 29 at the time). We finally decided to go to a Reproductive Endocrinologist an hour and a half away from home. We had lots of testing done on myself and my husband. It wasn't easy and very expensive, but they really have so many options and knowledge, far beyond our regular dr. We did end up doing IVF, it did take two times, but we have our beautiful son. Now we are trying again with IUIs because of the cost, but are still praying for another miracle. Best of luck to you!

If you have hypothyroidism - you're probably deficient in iodine. There is a great person in Clearwater who handles infertility - his name is George Springer at Lifeworks Wellness Clinic. And I would suggest a general nutritional checkout - this woman is the best - docmccullen.com and there is a nutritional analysis right on her site.
Good luck!

J.,

Dr. Shapiro at the Las Vegas Fertility Center is excellent, both in diagnostic work and in their IVF success rates. Counsider giving them a call. I know how frustrating it can be, but knowing your options will certainly bring some relief and make you feel that you might have some control over the situation. They are at ###-###-####. Good Luck.

Best wishes, J.. I know that from personal experience and the experiences of my friends that this can be hard. I had a friend who had a very positive experience with acupuncture and working with world-renowned Dr. Dao in Santa Monica (www.taoofwellness.com). There are many acupuncturists who specialize in fertility. Good luck!

J.,

I know you've had more than enough responses (I didn't get to read any), but I just wanted write you anyway! My husband and I were together for 5 years w/o any kind of birth control and NOTHING happened. We were not trying to get pregnant because I had been told that if I was able to get pregnant, I would definitely need the help of a fertility specialist. Well, at almost exactly 5 years together, I turned up pregnant....with twins and no "help"!
Sometimes stressing over getting pregnant can prevent it. Just "let go and let God". He is the giver of all good things. He wants the best for you and He wants you to be happy. He works in His own timing with His own reasoning. I still don't understand why He took my twins from me as they were born, but I do know that He knows best. The Bible doesn't promise that we will never experience heartache, but it does promise that everything will be for His good. You may have triplets in 6 more years or you may never have any children of your own, but maybe He intended for you to be the wonderful mother you are to children already in the world that are in need of a mommy.
I wish you and your family all the best for the new year. You have much to be thankful for...just have faith!!!
God Bless,
~J.

Hi J.,
I read and highly reccomend this book by Dr Shettles called How To Choose the Sex of Your Baby.(ebay books) Even if you are not trying for any particular sex it explains a lot about how to tell exactly when you ovulate, and when is the most likely times to conceive, and different things your husband can do to increase your chances. My husband works on aircraft in the military and being around the radiation, and jet fuel, etc makes the chances of us having another girl are much higher by what studies have shown. (almost all the guys in his shop have girls...)
My mom told me that if my husband and are actually trying it will make it harder to conceive because your mind and body get all stressed out thinking about it. I think she is right. At this point my husband and I are just trying to enjoy eachother while doing the things that increase our chances.I wish you all the best and for peace in your heart. Good luck mama.

Dear Jen:
I know you have received so many responses but wanted to add my own.

Dr. Martin and Dr. Neal at Fertility Center of San Antonio are two awesome RE's! Their staff is highly professional and quick to respond to patients.

You went the adoption route once, have you ever considered, if you realise that a) you cannot get pregnant, or b) can get pregnant but not carry to term, using a gestational surrogate. Before any one shoots me down hear me out! It is obviously the ideal situation that you carry your own baby regardless of how he or she is conceived; but sometimes that just is not feasible. Only testing will determine that. I am a 3x surrogate, I delivered my ninth baby in August - he was my fourth surrogate baby. It is a pleasure to help a couple who go through this - and is one way to bring in healing.

Check out boma-usa.org for information on the Billings method of Natural Family Planning. My mother-in-law is a certified teacher (it's the only thing we've ever used) and my husband practices Chinese herbal medicine. Both of these things are very effective in dealing with infertility, and it's so wonderful when you can do things naturally! My mother-in-law has helped several couples who were having trouble conceiving. I'd be happy to put you in contact with her! Best of luck, and I'm so happy you adopted the first time around and rescued a baby in need. :)

I suggest finding & going to the best fertility specialist in the country. You are still young so don't worry too much! I went through troubles getting pregnant, but now have 3 children!

Hi J.,

I didn't get pregnant until I was 42. It took 3 years.

I have been "borderline" hypothyroid for years and had never been pregnany prior.

The last thing my OB/GYN tried before giving up was a test to make sure my tubes were clear. The test came back clear but he said to wait a couple of months before trying anything else because the test is like a "roto=rooter" if there is scar tissue (which I had).

30 days later I was pregnant. I have a wonderful, healthy, happy almost 3 year old now.

Good luck and Best wishes.

R.

Have you ever tried going to a chiropractor regularly? I know it sounds simple, but it can really help certain individuals.
My best wishes to you and your family for peace and happiness in these tough times. . .

Hi J.!
I can certainly relate. I've been married for six years. we tried getting pregnant for the first three years. Then we worked on adopting a boy. That took a year to complete. We've had our wonderful 10-year-old son for two years. Have a baby now? Not that we're trying to prevent it, but we're not really trying either. Why? Well, our ages for one (he's 48, I'm 37). And do I really want a baby when my son is going on 11? You're 10 years younger than me so maybe your feelings are different. We feel complete as a family. I just want to wish you luck and God bless you for wanting more kids:-)

Hi J.,

My husband and I tried to have a baby for 6 years. Upon visiting the fertility clinic they found I had hormone problems. They gave me every pill and shot known to man and yet still no viable pregnancy. I had 2 miscarriages and felt so desperate and full of despair. I am a Christian so I thought maybe this was God's will. I trusted that only he could complete the plan but I was scared it wouldn't happen. After 18 months of heavy drugs, disappointment and prayer my doctor tested my thyroid and found it to me a little low for maintaining a pregnancy. Your number should be less than 5 to be normal but 1.5-2.5 for fertility. It still could be one of your problems something to investigate. After taking a low dose of thyroid for 1 month I became pregnant. Even my doctor was surprised. Now I am a mother to a beautiful baby girl, Grace who is 2 months old now. She was given to me by grace from God because I believed in him. She is my angel and I will always remember the pain and suffering and joy and peace after seeing my baby girl. Don't give up keep trying if it is God's will he will provide.

Just read your request... thought I would share my story for encouragement. I am 35 years old and my husband and I will be married for 7 years on Sunday. We tried for 4 years to get pregnant...I eventually found out that I had endometriosis. They found this when they went in to remove a very large cyst (about the size of a grapefruit) off my right ovary. They actually removed the cyst, the ovary, the tube, and my appendix. They also cleaned out all of the endometriosis and did a D&C. I got pregnant 4 weeks later- what a surprise!!! I had a fantastic pregnancy, delivery and have a beautiful 11 month old baby boy. I also just found out that I am pregnant again! I too, went through the emotional rollercoaster. I understand the questions from friends and family. We got those questions too, but they stopped asking once they knew we were trying. They became more supportive and didn't pressure. You may want to share a little with them. You and your husband are still so young. It will happen for you, just keep trying new things. I will tell you that I did acupuncture and chiropractic care and I have heard both help fertility. Feel free to email me if you have any questions about either and the best of luck to you and your husband.

HI J.,
I know exactly how you feel. I was also diagnosed with PCOS and it wasn't until I went to a fertility specialist that I found out how High glucose or blood sugar levels affect fertility and PCOS. I went on a medication for blood sugar and within a couple of weeks my cysts were gone. I also am hypothyroid, which by the way doesn't go away so that dramatically affects fertility. I would make an appointment for a specialist and you may have to keep trying until you find a dr. that is aware of these things to help you. I went to 3 drs. before I found the one that finally helped me. I now have a beautiful 15 month daughter!

Hi J....I can relate to your situation. It took us nearly 8 years before we had a successful pregnancy; however our situation had to do with my age. In your case, you are young but it sounds like you have a number of medical issues that might be playing a role.

First, I might gently suggest that you discuss this with your husband. As you know, having a baby is a huge undertaking (physically, mentally, emotionally, and financially). I would encourage you to be sure that you and your husband want the same thing and to make this part of the journey a partnership. You will definitely need each other for support and encouragement. As far as other people are concerned, I had a few close friends that knew what we were going through...people I could count on for unconditional support and love. I tuned everyone else out. I realized that their comments, although painful, were not meant to hurt. If I took everything they said to heart, then I would have been an emotional wreck and that would not help me on my journey. You need to stay strong and positive in your heart, mind, and body.

Second, you didn't mention if you are working with a doctor. Since you've been trying quite diligently, and you have some medical issues, then I would suggest consulting with your gyno to see if you should continue your current course, try a new approach, or consult a fertility expert. We worked with a wonderful team of doctors and nurses that helped our little miracle happen.

Last, I found that I needed to take really good care of myself. We were successful after I invested in myself by losing weight, exercising, and eating healthier. I also removed some major causes of stress in my life. It really helped when I felt good about myself.

I have to admit that we took it for granted that we could get pregnant easily. The more I read and experienced, I realized what a true miracle it is to become pregnant and how so many things need to exactly right for it to happen. We also squandered some valuable time. (I was 36 when we married and we didn't start trying until I was 40.) If you want to try it on your own, give yourself a time frame and if it doesn't happen by then, seek the advice of your doctor. I let valuable time slip away. My heart and best wishes go out to you.

Whatever route you decide to go I wish you a healthy conception and delivery. I too suffered from endo for 15 years prior to conceiving and while I never did infertility treatments or experienced the emotions about getting pregnant you describe, I believe that eating Whole Real Foods set my body up for success to conceive and later relieved my endo pain. A good book to reference is Refined to Real Food by Allison Annessar who did experience infertility and got pregnant after changing her food choices. If you do decide to use drugs to improve your chances then real food will mitigate the side effects.

First let me say thank you for opening up to us moms for advise. I have had similar health issues and know how crazy it can be. I was told because of my issues I would have a very hard time getting pregnant. I notice that although you and your husband have been married for 5 years you are young. 27 is young. I am 36. my first child did not grace our world until I hit 30. until that time I focused on enjoying life, my husband, family etc. I know it is so much easier then done to not think about it but seriously you have a wonderful girl that needs your focus and life does not stop just because we are waiting for our goals. I truly believe that Gods time is perfect. Keep your hope and faith and live life fully while you are able too. Before you know it your life will be full of baby sounds (by what ever means the plan calls for) You will look back and be grateful you lived it up. So will your husband and daughter. Good luck and keep the faith. little about me: mother of 6. 3 of my own- 3 foster children and pregnant with #4. ages 1,1,3,6,8,9.

ok, J....i'm going to give you different advice from most i read (not all, though - you got a LOT of advice!!)

i was also infertile - knew it from teenagehood. my mom took a drug to maintain the pregnancy which had the side effect of possible infertility or miscarriages. i long ago decided that i would try when i got married, but wouldn't take any heroic efforts.

fast forward to today: WE ARE PARENTS! Yes, parents. we adopted TWO incredible, precious beautiful baby girls, and they are now 4 and 1.5yo. if you let God into your heart, He will expand and allow you to love the child that He picks for you and your husband.

our family is a sight to behold - we are caucasian, our 4yo is mixed race native am/irish and our baby is african american :) and we can NOT be happier.

i/we never ever EVER thought we'd ever consider transracial adoption. however, even with the cautious entry to this, i can unequivically say that we could NOT ever love any child of our own any more than we do our two daughters. they own our hearts.

search your heart long and hard - there are babies out there (or will be out there in the future) that NEED loving homes, that need parents. possibly you can be that family!

i pray for your quick peace. i know it can be a terrible burden.

jude

Hi J.,
It seems like you have received wonderful responses and great support. Hooray for boards like this!
On the lighter side, I have to say this made me smile:

"I have intercourse every other day just in case I ovulate. None of my friends know that I'm trying again and neither does my family or my husband."

Then I looked at your age. Honey, if you only knew how lucky you and your husband are! Sex every other day? And he doesn't know you are trying to get pregnant? Mine would be wondering what earthly angel visited him.
Enjoy the journey, even when it is filled with yearning.

I am also a mother of an IVF child, and I cannot tell you the DEPTH of joy we feel that our daughter finally came into our lives. I feel grateful for all of the years of trying, drugs, prayer, because I know we chose her, and she is our greatest blessing.

Happy New Year!
A.

I don't know if you are checking this anymore but I wanted to let you know that my friend has PCOS. She had to go on clomid AND do artificial insemination. That worked for them. They now have triplets that will be turning 4 this month! Good luck! Oh yeah, you might want to get your thyroid checked again if it has been awhile.

Dear J.,

I am so sorry that you are going through this, and especially that you are going through it alone. I know the heartache from losing a pregnancy and from wanting a baby so very very badly. It took me a couple of years to conceive and it was so heartbreaking. It sounds like you got lots of good advice but I just wanted to encourage you to talk with your husband about how you are feeling and what you want. It really helped me to have my husband on board. He knew why I was stressing and why I cried. He prayed with me for a baby. And he understood when I demanded sex immediately while I was charting. I really valued his support when fending off the "when are you having a baby" question. Oh- a book I found somewhat helpful is the Conception Chronicles because it is funny and light and provides a little comic relief on the infertility front. Also, I really found the ovulation sticks helpful. I had been charting but when I started the ovulation sticks, that seemed to do the trick.

Finally, I would recommend you join one of the online support groups for infertility- they are really helpful. These women are going through the same thing and can offer advice or at least true empathy. I had joined one called hannah's prayer, I think that's the name. It always helps to connect with others who know exactly what you are going through.

God bless.

I see you have many responses but thought one more couldn't hurt.
I took clomid for 6 months. On the 6th month I did get pregnant. I had an ectopic pregnancy,that was my second one. I finally (4 years) after we started trying when to a fertility doctor. He told me never to take it again. He said that if you are going to take anything you really need something that will work better and in less cycles. (I know it works for some people) Well long story short. I was pregnant 2 months later and now have a 5 month old baby!
I would highly recommend seeing a specialist. Best of luck...feel free to email me if you need a referral!

J.,

If you have PCOS the best thing you could do is find a reproductive endocrinologist and make an appointment. With PCOS your hormones are all out of whack and you may need medical care to become pregnant. You should also be check for diabetes if you haven't been already. Many women with PCOS are diabetic or prediabetic and that can seriously complicate a pregnancy.

All that said, I know several women with PCOS who are very overweight (common side effect of PCOS) who did "big" diets and lost lots of weigh (like 30 pounds or more) and got pregnant. So I know weight can play a factor in infertility for women with PCOS. Find a specialist. You'll be glad you did.

Good luck. There is nothing more painful than wanting a baby and not being able to have one.
:-)T.

It is so hard to wait for the things that are so important to us. But wait we must. God has the perfect timing and it takes faith and trust in Our Father, who knows what we need and when. Don't stop trying and never give up, fasting and pray. Do not forget to enjoy each perish moment now.

P.

Hi J.. Let me say I really understand what you're going through. My husband and I were trying for 8 years!! and four of those years I went through everything possible including artifical insemination. Nothing was working and I too was diagnosed with PCOS. in Sep. 0f 2005 I had my last artificial insem. and when I started my period it felt like it was the end of the world for me because my doctor told me that if I didn;t get pregnant that there was nothing else they can do and most likely I would never have kids. I wanted to die because I just felt I wasn;t woman enough to make another life. My husband was very caring and supportive. I decided to say ok. God, you must know what you're doing and maybe you have other plans for me, so we gave up. Then Thansgiving Day came, I was cleaning the house for our guest, I cleaned out my medicine cabinet, got rid of my last pregnancy test I had, but first I though what the heck, let me use it instead of throwing it away unused. Went back to do the rest of the stuff, a few hours later I was gathering up the trash from all bins and to my surprise I see a stick with a plus sign! I couldn't believe it I had to go to the store and buy four different kinds before I broke the news to my husband. They were all positive. 9 months later I had a a healthy baby Boy and named him after the angel Gabriel. He will turn 2 on the 29th of July. I got pregnant again with out even trying this past thanksgiving in 07(what is it with thanksgiving day)but unfortunately I lost it in January.
Some things we cannot change and I had already given up hope the first time. You just have to keep a positive outlook on things and pray that God sends you you're little miracle when HE knows the time is right. Maybe you should stop the treatments for a little bit and give you're body a rest. Take a vacation and remember that you have a wonderful daughter, even thhough you did not carry her in your womb but the love is there as if yu did. As for what you tell your friends and family I used to do the same thing, actually I used to say baby's are a pain in the butt, they cry too much but only so I could make then think I didn't want kids. I just wanted to share my story to let you know that there are alot of women going through the same thing and some times you gotta just leave it in the hands of God and be ready to accept what ever comes your way. I really wish you the best and I will include you in my prayers.

I know you've already gotten lots of good advice, but since I've been in your shoes, I wanted to respond as well. I'm also PCOS. My daughter, whom we conceived with clomid, is now 7.5 years old. Are you being monitored at all while taking clomid? Are they at least having you take an ovulation test while taking it to see if you are even ovulating? Did you get the clomid from your gyno or did you see a specialist and get it from there?
I'm always available if you need some one to talk to or vent to through this time. Please feel free to email me at ____@____.com anytime. I know all too well what this feels like.
Best of luck,
N.

Hi J.. I also have PCOS and have struggled with fertility. There is a great site with a message board soulcysters.com that is for women with PCOS. I know how difficult this can be. Please feel free to contact me.

I, too, felt that I should respond to your posting. I had a hard time conceiving with my first child. We tried for over a year, almost two. I tracked my ovulation using the basal thermometer and after intercourse left my legs up in the air, but never tried fertility. However, I thought with my response I would mention that, after a suggestion from a friend, my husband went without underwear or wore boxers for a while. My friend still thinks that was the trick. I didn't read a lot of your responses, but I did see one that mentioned the stressing over getting pregnant does not help. This is what my OB/Gyn also said. I would gain weight thinking I was pregnant each time only to be let down.

I hope and pray you will soon be with child, it is not too late for you, you still have plenty of time. I was 34 when I had my first. I was 37 when I had my second (and the second was conceived right away, because when we were ready to try again, our minds were on the onset of my mother-in-law's illness, followed by her passing).

It is all up to God and His timing~~ keep praying! He has all the answers and reasonings.

My prayers are with you!!! My best friend went through what you are going through for many years. You have a lot against you with the PCOS and the thyroid. Wow!! It was a long road for her but she was blessed with two beautiful boys. She was diagnosed with PCOS after she had her boys, but was told that that is why it was so hard for her to have children.
SO keep doing what you are dong and just try to be calm( God knows that is hard) But your body will react better if you aren't all stressed out. I don't know what your religous beliefs are but put it in Gods hands. Have faith and he will take care of you.
You are in my prayers!!
Take care and God bless
B.

Hi J.. I'm so sorry you are going through this. My friend experienced infertility problems-- both she and her husband, but they eventually were able to overcome them. If you want to read her story, if only to keep your hopes up, here it is. It's in 3 segments:

http://infertility.suite101.com/article.cfm/getting_treat...

(((HUGS))))

I hope you are under a doctor's care for this. You shouldn't be just starting and stopping all those drugs.
A fertility specialist will take your history and get your husband tested (a lot of the time it is the man's issue), give you an honest evaluation of the likelihood of success and recommend a process.
It cannot be helpful to be all stressed out about it, and certainly not to keep it secret from your husband.
I tried to get pregnant for 6 years with my husband. I was told it was my problem. We gave up, got divorced, I met someone else and 2 years later, at age 43, I got pregnant and had my only child. My ex-husband found someone else (much younger), and when she couldn't get pregnant, he got tested and it was his issue. They solved it with in vitro.
You are only 27; you have a long time to make this happen as long as it is physically possible. Take deep breaths, relax, work with your doctor and your husband, and see what happens.

Hi J.-
I see that you have tons of responses and advise... but wanted to add one more. My husband and I went to a fertility specialist in order to get pregnant. After going through all of that (two times- we now have 2 healthy boys) to me it is truly amazing that anyone gets pregnant at all considering all of the things that have to be just perfect in order for it to happen. Our doctor was Dr. James Douglas in Plano. He is known in his field for being very good at what he does! He has a very high success rate. Good luck to you both and know that you are very lucky to be able to have several years left to try. I had both of my boys in my mid to late 30's.
One more thing... my sister in law's doctor told her to try EVERY day... you only have a 24 hr. window when you're ovulating to get those little guys in the right place :-)

I just wanted to share my experience. In my case, our problems were caused by my husband's medication (something for colitis) even though the fertility doctor said it was not a problem. Then I finally read the insert on his medication (often the insert was not included because of the way we bought it) and the side effects described his oligispermia (sp?) problem exactly. When he got off the medication we got pregnant, and that was after spending thousands on the fertility doctor.

Hi, J.. I saw your "so what happened" post and don't think I posted anything before.

If you don't already know about it, I really just wanted to tell you about the network of support online for adoption/loss/infertility: http://lostandfoundandconnectionsabound.blogspot.com. The Lost & Found is an amazing place to find lots of resources - information, advice, support - and people who are going through/have been through the same thing you are. It's an amazing community of love and understanding, which is desperately needed when dealing with infertility.

:) C.

Your story is familiar. I have been there. except I has diagnosed with Hyperthyroidism at 23 and was"normal by 25" when I was diagnosed with PCOS at 30 I was told the thyroid issue is a sign of the PCOS. I was told my chance of conception was slim. Clomid did nothing for me. the problem is that women with PCOS do not regularly ovulate. When people would ask why we do not have children well I told them the truth. and wow how powerful is that. You should never give up hope and should never be ashamed it is the reality, it may or may not happen. The truth is once I accepted my situation I could relax and start to find ways to change my thinking. There is so much more research today being done regarding PCOS. when I was diagnosed there was very little. guess what, at age 41 I discovered I was pregnant and am now the mother of a beautiful three and a half year old girl(14 YEARS IN THE MAKING) a year and a half before I concieved I changed my lifestyle I saw a nutritionist and began to swim everyday. I lost 85lbs and felt great. fast forward, when I was sitting in my doctors office 9 months pregnant I read an article that said recent studies had concluded a moderate healthy increase in exersize and a healthy diet for women with PCOS increased chances of ovulation by 9X. My advice is to relax(stress is one of the biggest roadblocks to conception.)and talk to a reproductive endocronologist about your PCOS. Balance your hopes with reality. I wish you the best of luck.

J., I know that you have had a lot of responses and every person is different but I wanted to also suggest metformin also. I only saw one other response about the benefits of metformin. I had gone for six years after having two children and a really bad miscarriage that I had pcos. For those six years I had not been able to get pregnant. They did a sono and I had 15 cysts on one side and 20 on the other. With PCOS your body is insulin resistant. It can be in people really thin or people that are heavy set. They started me on XR Glucophage(metformin). I take the full dosage allowed a day. I started exercising and I also started a strict diet of no potatoes, carrots, peas,(no underground veg.)and total carbs. below 50-100 a day. I lost 33lbs in 3 months and was 11 weeks pregnant. We lost the baby but have gone on to have two more beautiful children. I have had three life threating miscarriages but have four wonderful children and would not have them if I had not started on the meds. and low carb diet. I would be glad to share with you my info just email me. Good luck!!

My sister in Law just got pregnant after trying for two years. She did clomid for a year or so and stopped. It was time for husband to get his stuff checked on. He is so uptight and private, and just as he scheduled his appointment, she was pregnant!

I also had a friend who tried for 7 years! I believe they ended up with major fertility treatments, but now she's pregnant again, without any treatments.

I met a pregnant woman who had this unusully beaufitul peice of furniture in her modest home. I asked about it and she said after years of trying to have a baby they came out of a fertility consultation with the decsion is wasn't affortable. She cried in the car on the way home and said "if I cannot have children, I atleast want really nice furniture." They went out and bought the armoire. She was pregnant the next month the old fashioned way.

Also, one thing I hear about adoption from adoptive parents, is: "I just wish we'de done it sooner."

check out a show on cable called Adoption Stories. It may help you get over the notion that your child has to come from your body. I understand that notion entirely, because I felt the same way. Now that I've had my own, I'm more open to adoption than ever before. I thought there would be this profound instant bond between mother and child and the truth is, that bond is created over time. Yes, you marvel over this child that come from you, but you will also marvel over a child that comes to you.

J.,
I know it sounds like everyone has the same story, but I wanted to tell you mine. I was also diagnosed with PCOS and my doctor put me on Metformin. Within 3 months of taking it, I started getting regular periods. I had never had that before. We tried for 2.5 years and nothing. Then what do you know, I was pergnant. At 11 weeks, I had a miscarrage. My Doctor refered me to Dr. Jarome Check at the Cooper institute for reproductive disorders in Marlton, NJ. My son is now 2 and I am back there to try for a second child. I did not have much hope until I went there. The whole process is very overwhelming, but I would not have changed it for anything. Please let me know if you would like the number. Good luck.
L.

I so understand where you're coming from. I also have PCOS and hypothyroidism. I always had heavy irregular periods when I was younger, so my doctor and I decided to put me on birth control pills when I was 17. I wasn't diagnosed until I was 31 and had tried without any sucess to get pregnant for about 6 months. I was lucky that I was able to get pregnant on my first round of progesterone and clomid. I also took Metformin for about 4 months before the clomid and for the first 12 weeks of my pregnancy. I absolutely hated it because I was nauseous almost the whole time I was on Metformin, but after I was finished with it, I had a textbook pregnancy and delivered a beautiful baby girl in October 2005. Has your doctor put you on Metformin? That's a pretty standard treatment for PCOS, but since you didn't mention it in your post, I wasn't sure if you'd been down that route or not. I'm now in a situation of people always asking when we're having a second child. That can be difficult because I don't want to go into my medical history with all the preschool moms, etc. My mom can be the worst at times because she's a nurse and keeps reminding me that I'll be 35 in a few weeks and if I'm going to have another child it had better be soon. All I can say is, I understand because I've been there and I hope you have a happy result like I did.

Hi Jenn - I know you probably have enough responses, but I just wanted to let you know that you are NOT alone. I was diagnosed with PCOS and went through clomid and did not get pregnant. In fact the clomid just created more cysts and you are unlikely to get pregnant if you have cysts. I eventually did a round of the injectable medication and what a difference it made. I now have two beautiful boys. I still remember the days of constant disappointment and the spiraling abyss of depression when AF showed up. If you want to talk or vent feel free to contact me. And definitely try to get an appointment with a reproductive endocrinologist...they will get you pregnant!

Hi J., wow~ I cannot believe I'm just seeing this message that you wrote in July. I have a story too (here is the VERY short version)...6 doctors and over 3 years of "trying". Dr. Randall Loy at Center for Reproductive Medicine in Winter Park. This doctor and his staff are sent from God. They were for me as he was the first and ONLY doctor to diagnose my endometriosis. Our b/g twins are celebrating their 4th birthday this week! Call them! Write me too if you wish. Happy New Year! God bless you.

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