Infant Death

Updated on September 14, 2007
A.K. asks from Minneapolis, MN
10 answers

I have an ex co-worker who recently had a baby that died right after the birth. I am wondering what is appropriate to send..obviously a card but what about flowers? I feel like that's not appropriate. Also I know this girl from when I used to work but we haven't kept in touch since I left and at this point are not real close. So I wouldn't be comfortable with something really personal since I essentially don't know her that well anymore. Please let me know what you did if you were in this situation and how it was received. Thanks.

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H.H.

answers from Minneapolis on

My husbands friend lost a child last year around this time. The baby had a very bad heart defect, and died when she was 6 days old. We got them a card and a small gift. I found a website called personalcreations.com. They have a wind chime that is really nice for a gift, just go under Special Occasions and then sympathy and memorial, then under keepsakes. Good Luck

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C.

answers from Minneapolis on

You can have a tree planted in her memory. It's a sweet gesture and generally not expensive. You can google search for any number of places that do this in small settings, or you can go to American Forest's web site and get trees planted and a certificate sent to your friend for $15. (www.americanforests.org/planttrees/)

I like the idea of having someone know that there is something still growing on earth, even after they lose someone like this.

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S.D.

answers from Minneapolis on

Hi. I am sorry to hear of her loss. Since you are not very close anymore, I would suggest a card with a personal note and something simple like a plant in a pretty pot. She can plant it in a special place and always think of the baby. If you want to do a litte more, something with an angel on it is nice, or something with the baby's birthstone. A candle is nice, she can light it in rememberance of the baby. We have lost 3 babies, so I know how tough this can be. My thoughts are with her.
S.

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D.P.

answers from Minneapolis on

I agree with a card and some money...just having someone from the past sending a note to say you are thinking about her is a really nice thing to do.

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H.H.

answers from Minneapolis on

My husbands friend lost a child last year around this time. The baby had a very bad heart defect, and died when she was 6 days old. We got them a card and a small gift. I found a website called personalcreations.com. They have a wind chime that is really nice for a gift, just go under Special Occasions and then sympathy and memorial, then under keepsakes. Good Luck

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J.R.

answers from Minneapolis on

I would send a card and maybe some money because they will be having funeral expenses that I'm sure they can't afford right now.
Just say something in there like "I'm so sorry for your loss, you are in our thoughts and prayers".
J.

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S.W.

answers from Minneapolis on

I lost a child and honestly just the fact that someone took the time to send a card was enough. The cards I still have the flowers i don't. Please be very sensative to what you say. I'm sorry for your loss and if there is anything i can do, is probable the best to say.

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W.F.

answers from Minneapolis on

I would definately send her a card. It's nice to always know that people care. My brother was killed in a car accident in 1990 at the age of 16 and my parents neighbors gave them a small tree to plant in the yard. It was a beautiful tree and it got a disease and had to be cut down a few years ago. It was actually quite sad to see it go. My parents planted a new tree in it's place.

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V.

answers from Minneapolis on

Money is always appropriate. Funerals can be very expensive and money and a card expressing your sympathy would be nice.

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M.F.

answers from Minneapolis on

I would just do the card. Just a simple message like saying I am sorry for your loss, please let me know if I can be of any help. She will appreciate the fact that you took the time to think about her and her family. How sweet!

You could also bring a live plant or tree over to her and she could plant it in her yard. If you knew it was a boy or girl you could choose a rose bush for a girl and maybe a nice shrub or tree if it was a boy.
My sister n law and husband lost their baby after giving birth and they planted a tree in his memory...they also plant a small plant for each of there other children as well.

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S.W.

answers from Minneapolis on

Hi A.,

A card, flowers, or whatever seems appropriate for how close you two are. How thoughtful of you to acknowledge her pain. A simple "I'm sorry" will do. Statements like "you can have more" or "this was for the best" are more hurtful then helpful.

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