45 answers

Inconsiderate Husband

How do I put my foot down and tell my husband he can't do something? He went to play basketball today after I told him I have a final due on Tuesday. We've had the conversation before that he'll stay home while I do my homework and that works for about a week and then he plays basketball again. I understand that he wants to get out of the house but it's not fair to me. I never go any where except to class one night a week for 4 hours. I always make it clear to him how much it upsets me that he goes and doesn't consider my feelings. I really don't think I'm asking too much. I'm finishing a business degree so we can have a better future. I just feel as if I'm always the one who sacrifices and he doesn't. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!!

What can I do next?

Featured Answers

Get divorced now, it's not going to get any better....or just keep reminding him what it's all about.

Hi M...It can be hard sometimes to be taken advantage of, exspecially in todays time of sharing responsibilities of work & home. Do you know the quote "You can get more flies with honey then vinegar"? I use that quote all the time with my family. It has to be his idea to stay home & help while you study. Tell him how much you appreciate him working & doing hat he does do, but you really need his help and wouldn't ask if you didn't. If you demand him stay home OR give ultimatums, it never works.
Blessings....D. P

Unfortunately you can't control him. So, hire a babysitter and go to the library to study. He'll either stay home to keep from lossing the money or continue to play. Either way, you both get the time you need.

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Kim is being a bit harsh...don't you think? We can't all have PERFECT hubsands. Go on strike...don't do anything for him...tell him you didn't have time...don't clean his shower, only cook quick simple food for the kids. Make sure there is enough for him, but nothing that he loves...DOn't be mean. Just don't go out of your way to do anything for him, and be very nice about it. It works wonders....A degree is how to help secure your future and your families future. No one can take that away from you. Anyone that tells you any different, is only jealous becuse they don't have one.

2 moms found this helpful

Your husband & you are supposed to be ONE. His actions don't seem like he is considering anyone but himself. Obviously, he doesn't really consider getting your business degree a priority. In God's house of marriage we are to function as a whole, not individual's, which we often so fail, including me. I would say have a heart to heart talk with him & discuss the issue & keep discussing it even when you both fall short of each other. As husband & wife you are both accountable to each & to God. It's our actions that built the house that God wants!!!!
A great marriage book that helps couples who seems to be struggling is "Rocking the Roles" it really helps to see wives as husband-child lover's, yet the husband is held to a higher standard of his wife & that is servant leader!!!
It's also deals with women not enabling their husband, yet loving them enough to truly become their helper for God's purpose not man's. We talk about accountability in every other relationship except marriage, yet that is the most important foundational relationship in building & ordering the 'house of God'. May God give you compassion & wisdom in dealing with his mission.

blessings, Jo

1 mom found this helpful

Why do you feel that your husband shouldn't get a little time to himself, just because you are in school? You weren't clear, but are you asking him to watch the children so you can study? Or are you just irritated that he burns a little steam and you aren't getting out of the house?

In my opinion, if all he is doing is playing basketball with buddies you are lucky. Many, many guys are off drinking in bars & strip clubs leaving you on your own. If he is truly being a partner and a support for you and your goals you should be thankful and support his needs, too.

You do need to come to agreement on what is a good balance for you both. If school is your "job" (& I assume he has a job, too), then you need to work out options for childcare and adult playtime. Get a sitter occasionally, swap with other moms, do on a date with your husband. If you don't work on positive things, only nagging about what he isn't doing you both will get resentful and that will only go south. Simply stating that he "isn't allowed to go out" isn't a fair, balanced adult relationship.

1 mom found this helpful

Do this first...

Take a breath for a minute. Think about the positives about your husband and don't look it as trying to put your foot down. Don't hold him responsible for you not getting out of the house.

Now, make it a point to get out of the house and go to Starbucks or the library to study. Give him fair advance notice when you are taking the time to do this so that he doesn't make plans. As long as you have a phone with you, he should be fine. This will also ensure you are focused on your class.

Men don't think! If you are available he won't feel the need to be there. He's thinking he has worked all week and needs time to himself. So he does his thing to destress. We as women think a man should look at the whole situation and step into our shoes. This will never happen. If you want a spouse that thinks like a woman, then you have to marry a woman. Don't play the martyr... just take away the options.

Good luck!

1 mom found this helpful

First, even if he is wrong, I don't think a marriage partner should put their (foot) down. Your aren't each others parent, this could backfire, like a thought of, your aren't my parent, I'm in control of myself. Now, have you had a talk with him when not angry asking if he agrees that it would be good for your family for you to work for now, or have you both thought the age of your children , it would be good for awhile to be a stay at home mom? Also, another thought, if he played ball,but was just consicerate enough not to go on the one day?
None of these ideas may apply to you, I'm trowing them out as thoughts that may help.

1 mom found this helpful

Try working out an agreement where he get's one night a week to play basketball. Have it a set day if possible so each can work around the schedule. In exchange, he agrees to stay home keepng the kids so you can do what you need to do on one or two nights a week. The night of classes don't count, that's a given that you will be out of the house.

I'm a grandmother, with his and ours kids and grandkids and compromise is a wonderful thing. It sets the expectations of what, who, when and where. Be Blessed. Momma Billie

1 mom found this helpful

Listen to all these very wise women! Never try to MAKE ANYONE do anything. Least of all your husband. He is a grown Man. You have enough just to try & control yourself. I understand how frustrating it can get. I have been in your shoes. Most Women have. I like the advice for you to get a sitter. Even if you have to pay for it. What is the quiet time worth to you? What is the peace of mind worth to you? What is your relationship with your husband worth to you? What is your education worth to you? What are YOU worth to you? I think ALL of those things are worth at LEAST little extra pocket change. I BELIEVE YOU are worth it!! And so is your husband. And so are your kiddos.

1 mom found this helpful

M.

I've been there, done that in my youth with my most dearest husband (now! : ) of 40 years. Wives should never even THINK of putting their foot down and telling their husband ANYthing - no matter how unfair he is being. The husband is the one who will stand before God and answer for his behavior. YOU cannot do anything to "make" him do something or "change" the way he is.

The word says that they will change their behavior due to their wife's soft words and godly attitude. This is because if the wife steps back and gets in line with what God tells "you" to do, then God will get after the husband! He can make those changes you so desperately want. The Creator can ring your husband's bell, I promise! : )

It was amazing one time when I was SO upset with my husband and knew 100 out of 100 people would say I was right and he was wrong, but God was telling "ME" to do the changing of MY ways! I remember hollering at Him that it wasn't fair, but none-the-less, I pledged obedience to Him and did as He said. It was extra-ordinary! Almost like I could "SEE" God dealing with my husband and him changing.

Today, we've been married 40 years and he always is considerate and loving and wonderful - why as I was in here this morning typing away and checking emails, he cleaned the Sunday kitchen after company. We had left it all and gone straight out to the ranch to ride horses after dinner and I was too pooped to pop when we got home last night - plus I had to get a couple of loads of laundry done so the boys (we're rearing 4 grandsons ages 11, 9, 8, and 5 now) would have uniforms for school this morning.

I truly feel like Mary must have - blessed among women for God giving me such a wonderful and remarkable husband.

Blessings
G.

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