Including Kids in Wedding

Updated on January 29, 2008
L.C. asks from Selma, CA
14 answers

To give you a little back ground. My boyfriend just preposed and I exepted. We have set the date at October 10, 2009 I know that is almost two years way but I am wanting to have the wedding I want, I am planing everything myself. He is coming in to a family of three, He has no kids of his own. We are wanting to include the boys in every way posible. My oldest is going to be a groomsmen, my youngest is going to be the ring bear. We as a family are doing a unity sand candle that I have just learned about. Now for my question, Is there any other ways that I can include what will then be 7 and 8 year lod boys into the wedding and make them feel part of the family that we will then becoming.

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G.C.

answers from San Francisco on

I saw a show recently where the groom, as well as making the marriage vows to his wife, also made a promise/vow to the children that he promised/vowed to be a great father and gave them bracelets to seal the promise.

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A.T.

answers from San Francisco on

Wow, that's wonderful to include the boys in your special union. And you are right, it is their wedding too.
That being said, I would recommend letting them be involved in the planning. Maybe they have a favorite park. Is one of them artistically inclined? Let him design the invitations. Have them help with the cake cutting and sparkling cider toast to mom and 'dad', you could help them write the toast and them practice before the big day.
Congratulations on your upcoming marriage!

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C.M.

answers from Stockton on

You could have one roll out the carpet and the other the bell boy.
What the bell boy does is announce that the bride is coming so after all the bridesmaids and groomsmen walk in, have one son roll out the carpet then stop all music, and have the second son walk in ringing the bell...then is your grand entrance! Congratulations and good luck!

2 moms found this helpful
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K.V.

answers from San Francisco on

Congratulations! It's great that you want to include your boys. Two years is a ways off in 'kid land,' so, like the other mom, I suggest you wait to get serious about including them until you're farther along in the planning process. Ask their input on kid-friendly food & activities, tuxes, they could go w/you to pick out your dress & maybe the 2 of them could have their own bachelor party w/their soon-to-be step-dad. Hope this helps & good luck!

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B.B.

answers from San Francisco on

I think it would be awesome if you include them in your vows. I am not sure if you will be able to write your vows (depending on what kind of ceremony you will have). I know you can find a lot of alternative vows on the internet too that would include families. I am sure it will be wonderful with all the planning you will do and have already though of.

Best of luck!!!

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M.K.

answers from San Francisco on

I've heard how a new parent makes vows to his/her step-children to make them feel they are also included. One of my best friends, as a young adult, dad got married. Her dad, step-mom, herself, and brother released doves as a new family (it was really wonderful to actually see). Also, you might want your sons to help with little things like the guest book.

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D.C.

answers from San Francisco on

First, Congratulations!
I suggest you talk with the boys about how they would like to participate. Since the wedding is so far away, you might wait until you are a few months out. they will do a lot of growing between now and then! And, once you get close enough, talk with your clergy member about ways he or she has officiated wedding ceremonies for blended families in the past.
Best wishes to you!

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C.H.

answers from Sacramento on

First of all, congrats on your engagement! Now, as an event planner I have to say how relieved I am to find out that your sons are older and not the typical 2 year olds that most Brides want walking down the aisle! Your sons will be old enough for several duties if they want to participate. They can be Jr. Groomsmen and help seat guests, if the wedding is in the summer or warmer weather they can hand out bottles of water to the guests as they arrive, and if you are having wedding programs printed up they can hand those out as well. Lastly you may want to consider devoting a part of the ceremony to honoring the fact of not just becoming husband and wife but also becoming a family. Often tokens, small medallions engraved with the date and name for instance, are then given to the children by their parent/step parent as a symbol of their new family unity.

Hope these ideas help you!

C.

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L.F.

answers from San Diego on

I included a young cousin by having her stand by the guest book, hand out pens, and greet the guests as they walked into the reception. (actually we had an engagement photo and people signed the matte).
It was an easy way to have her involved.

Congrats!

L.

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T.S.

answers from San Francisco on

Congrats on your wedding! My husband and I had a one-year-old when we got married, and after we made our vows to each other, we made vows to him as well, in which we alternated speaking. After we finished our vows, the rabbi said, "David and T., you may now kiss the baby!" and we gave him a kiss. It was the biggest laugh of the ceremony, and it gave us a chance to articulate our wishes for ourselves as parents as well as for ourselves as spouses. Best wishes!

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K.H.

answers from Fresno on

I do wedding photography, so I see alot of different ways to do weddings. We did 124 weddings last year.
I have seen the unity candle together which I really like. There was one that I went to where the family got in a circle holding hands and the pastor prayed over them as a family. That really brought them in. Giving them a gift in the middle of the ceremony. I know that you have boys, but there was a groom who had two daughters, and together they gave them a ring to signify there love for them together. Just email me if you have any questions. I deal with all the vendors in the central valley, so I could give you insight on who's good and who's not. I work for Pamela Leeds Photography. The website is leedsphoto.com

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S.B.

answers from San Francisco on

Your two younger kids can be assistants to the ushers, if you plan on having them. If not you may want to reconsider them.

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M.L.

answers from Redding on

Congratulations. It sounds like the ceremony will be great. Groomsman and ring bearer are key rolls and having the candle part of the ceremony as a family event is also a great inclusionary deal. I think for the ceremony, that will be enough. They will have plenty to think about and keep them busy without worrying about more.
There may be places in the reception that they can be included. Help cut the cake, have a family dance, all three of your men could do something nice for you (present you with a flower or some other special token of their love)
I was involved in both of my parents remarriages. At 7 I was flower girl for my dad's wedding. When my mother got remarried I was 17 and there were a total of 7 kids between her and her new husband. They didn't have a regular wedding party. All 7 of us kids got to walk down the isle before mom. We sat in the front pew and were included in the vows that they wrote. They had vows for each other and then together said vows for the family.

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Y.T.

answers from San Francisco on

If you can find a few little girls let them be jr. brides goomes and maids. OR have one of the boys walk the flower girls down. and one can be the "usher" that rolls out the carpet before you walk down.

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