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F.C. asks from San Fernando, CA on September 21, 2011

Inappropriate Texts

So I got my kids a cell phone that they share, Its come in very handy since they go to there dads house on the weekends I no longer have a hard time getting a hold of them “there dad would ignore my calls” anyways I was looking through the phone and reading through there text massages. Since I said it was ok for them to talk to there cousins on there father side through text, since we have unlimited texts I said that was fine, the kids are around the same age. But the other day I notice there was a text there from there cousin saying inappropriate things, like Suck my D--- and suck my butthole. I don’t think its ok to talk like that; I think it’s rude and gross. My son in 5th grade is this a normally thing how boys talk? Another thing is my daughter, she only in the 3rd grade. Not sure on how to approach my ex on this matter with his nephew.

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T.A. answers from Los Angeles on September 22, 2011

Call the parents of this nephew and inform them of what's happened. Then show the texts to the kids' dad. I doubt he would disagree that this is highly inappropriate.

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K.S. answers from Miami on September 21, 2011

My daughter is 10 and definitely doesnt talk that way because if I say a bad word when I'm pissed she gets mad at me and says dont say words like that. But I see plenty of girls out there that wow have some bad attitutes and mouths. You know instead of attacking them about it I'd say wow look at that language did that bother you. or some such. He cannot control what the nephew writes and it can cause a rift with the otherside that he is trying to connect with. I'd tell them straight you cannot control them but I expect better of you

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C.O. answers from Washington DC on September 21, 2011

My boys are in the 4th and 6th grade...and THEY DO NOT talk like this...

I would talk to the parent - showing them the text - and if that doesn't stop - I would put a stop to the texting...that's TRULY inappropriate - no matter what the age...my nephews are 23 and 27 and they DO NOT text each other stuff like that....how old is this child?

If you don't want to stop the texting - then check with your carrier to see if you can block that number. Yes, that would be a last resort - but man - that would chap my hide in a HUGE way.

I know if I saw a text like that on my son's phone? I would be calling the person and the parent right then and there..

GOOD LUCK!!

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K.P. answers from Seattle on September 21, 2011

Think its time that the kids stop texting their cousin from now on if they cant talk appropriately. Sounds like they need a good bar of soap!

I would tell your kids that they arent allowed to talk to them for awhile and if they ask why, be honest.

You cant control how their cousins speak, but you can control how yours do.

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G.T. answers from Redding on September 21, 2011

its unacceptable. I'd let the cousins mom know what's going on. OR you can text back and say who you are and that you don't want to see that kind of language on the phone ever again. You are an adult, play your hand.

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J.B. answers from Los Angeles on September 21, 2011

call the cousins parent and tell them. thats not ok for your son or daughter to be reading those things.

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R.R. answers from Los Angeles on September 21, 2011

Why not block the cousin's number?

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C.B. answers from San Francisco on September 21, 2011

I hate to say it, but a lot of boys (and girls) have potty mouths. I will also bet that a lot of the children of the parents on this sight who adamantly claim that their children don't talk like that would be surprised what they heard if they were a fly on the wall! I would mention it to my son and tell him to text the cousin right there in front of me telling him that he can't text things like that anymore because the younger sister also uses the phone. Then, if he texts continue with that sort of language, block the number. I would not bring it up with the ex - it's no more his fault than it is yours.

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D.B. answers from Charlotte on September 21, 2011

Time to call his mom. She needs to know what is being texted.

Then you need to have a talk with the kids. It is VERY much an issue nowadays with kids sexting and the like. The next thing is pictures.

Your nephew has to learn a big lesson and you have to out him, F.. Talk to his mom with love. Tell her that you know he has learned this from someone, and she has to deal with him and teach him that he can't do it. He also needs to know that he is caught.

If your kids' cousin doesn't get in trouble, they will possibly follow in his footsteps. You have NO IDEA what another parent might do finding texts like this. Get a hold of it now.

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B.C. answers from Norfolk on September 21, 2011

My son doesn't talk/text like that and there'd be hell to pay if he did.

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J.B. answers from Boston on September 21, 2011

Call the nephew's parents and tell them what you're seeing. Literally read it to them. If they are decent people, they will be shocked and will deal with him.

Then block the nephew's number from that phone.

Then tell your son that the onus is ON HIM to tell you if ANYONE sends anything inappropriate on that phone and that the next time it happens, you will remove text from that phone indefinitely and he can get that privilege back in a year or two when he shows that he is mature enough and responsible enough to handle texting.

We just had a similar situation with my 13-year-old daughter. She didn't initiate the inappropriate texts but she didn't shut down that line of conversation and let the other person know unequivocally that she does not engage in talk like that, so we took texting off of her phone.

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J.B. answers from Houston on September 21, 2011

The best way to address this is to go directly to your ex and inform him of what you found. Together ya'll can go from there.
As far as 5th grader talk, that type of language is not uncommon. Not that they all talk like that but our son has come home in the past and said he heard boys saying things like that. Our son knows it's wrong and we konw he doesn't engage them like that. Your 3rd grader definately needs to be sheltered from that, your son does too, I'm just saying.
As a last resort....... the phone can definately be taken away. Good Luck!

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T.N. answers from Albany on September 21, 2011

There's a way on every cell phone to block certain numbers. Problem solved!

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T.S. answers from Washington DC on September 21, 2011

This is more than potty talk... these texts are sexually inappropriate and should NOT be tolerated. If either of your children repeated the lines from those texts at school they could be suspended or expelled!

Do not take this matter lightly. I would ask to speak to your ex sometime when the children are not present (tough I know) and simply SHOW him the texts and asks what he thinks the TWO of you should do about it. If you approach it this way he is less likely to feel like you're coming down on HIS nephew for something that happened while the kids were with HIM and more likely to proactively support the actions the TWO of you take.

HTH
T.

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J.S. answers from Hartford on September 22, 2011

It doesn't matter if it's "normal" for kids this age. I do think it's normal for kids to test the boundaries and occasionally test vulgar language, but not to text little girl cousins things such as you're describing. I would bring it to the attention of their parents without being accusatory and save the texts as proof. If they don't handle it in a way that you're happy with, then you can simply set up a block on the phone so that those particular phone numbers can't text your kids phone.

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T.D. answers from Los Angeles on September 22, 2011

their = belonging to them
there = a place

Sorry. I normally let stuff like that go, but six times in one paragraph was too much for my OCD to handle!

I agree with the posters below. Time to talk to your ex and the child's mother. Boys can be gross but those texts are way beyond inappropriate. If a resolution cannot be reached, time to block that child's number.

Good luck!

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S.B. answers from Redding on September 21, 2011

That's just gross.
I can promise you not all kids talk like that and they certainly, in my opinion, shouldn't be putting it in writing.
I would rip my nephew a new one if he dared send something like that to my son.
I would block them from being able to text each other and if your kids father doesn't like it, I would tell him why you did it.
I don't know what kind of relationship you have with dad and if talking to him would do any good or start a hassle.
You can tell your kids if they get any more inappropriate texts, they can lose texting priveleges if not their phone all together.
Your 5th grade son is old enough to know his little sister should never even accidentally be exposed to that kind of talk.

There are kids who have gotten in huge legal trouble for things they send by text thinking it's funny or no big deal.
It's not funny.

Good luck.

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A.V. answers from Washington DC on September 21, 2011

I would ask your ex to please speak to his nephew. Kids sometimes say the wrong thing but that doesn't mean it's right. If it continues, tell him you will look into blocking that number.

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T.A. answers from Los Angeles on September 22, 2011

Call the parents of this nephew and inform them of what's happened. Then show the texts to the kids' dad. I doubt he would disagree that this is highly inappropriate.