In School, Is It Better to Be the Older Kid in the Class?

Older is better. Think about college. One year at that she makes a huge difference in maturity level

You will rather send an 18 or 19 year old off than a 17 year old. Also your kid will be able to drive sooner than everyone else.

Hello,

I say push for it. My daughter was held back becasue of her Birthday too and I think it hurt her more then it helped her. She was even tested and was ready to move forward but the school wouldn't move her. So I say if you can push it, then do it.

Good Luck!

YOu have to have the mind set that it's not about right now and being older or fourth grade.
It's about having the maturity when she starts college. Do you want your child to be the youngest and going away to college and handling the pressure????
4th grade all the elements come together on what they have learned and it is time for the emotional side to kick in too.
Keep her in KInder where she will thrive for the future!!!!!!!!!

Hi A.-
I have to make this short and sweet due to just having a new baby- but this topic is dear to my heart. We struggled with this with our daughter and decided to make her the oldest in class and the last 2 years have been amazing. It has been the best decision we made for her. I have several other friends who had the same dilemma and ended up being the oldest and worked for them too. I am sure it depends on the personality of the child as well.
I would love to answer any specific questions you might have about your child being the oldest in class. I know it helps to have specifics answered from people who have done it:)
Good luck:)
D.

My personal experience:
My birthday is at the very end of summer and my mom put me in kindergarten a year early. While I was ready academically, I was not ready emotionally or socially. When I started first grade I cried every day because I didn't like being away from my mom and sister all day long. After 2 weeks of crying every day, my mom decided to hold me back and put me back in kindergarten. I AM SO GLAD SHE HAD THE WISDOM and discernment and courage to do that. That must have been difficult to have her child repeat a grade, but I felt much more secure as a result. I just wanted to be with Mommy.

After that I was always at the top of my class as opposed to the bottom and felt very smart and confident and mature. I was also still the tiniest kid in class even though I was the oldest. I imagine it would have been a different, less positive experience if I had continued on when I wasn't ready. I ended up skipping a grade in high school (by this time I was ready to advance) and then graduated half a year early on top of that, so in the long run I started college before the people I had originally started kindergarten with. I even graduated as my high school class salutatorian and a valedictorian in college. In the end, being held back didn't delay or hinder my progress whatsoever, nor was it an indication of my lack of intelligence.

Each child and situation is unique. Do you want your kids closer or further apart in school? I loved being only a year apart in school with my sister. It helped us be a part of each other's peer groups and we shared a lot of the same friends. Keep in mind that she'll be starting college and possibly moving out a year earlier if you put her in now. You may like the idea of her getting a head start on life, or you may want to keep her home and under your influence longer. Is she small for her age as I was? Even though I was a year older than everyone I was always still the smallest kid in the class. My children are born during the summer and I wonder what I'll do regarding kindergarten with them as well. I'm sure you'll make a good decision!

Im actually in the same boat your in. My daughter attended a charter school last year because of her age. So this year im enrolling her into public school but get this she tested so well she made it into a magnet school where they have to test and score high enough to get into the school. She will be in Kindergarden agian and may be more advanced than the other childern both academicaly, and on her matureity level. If the school feels they need to advance her into 1st grade then so it will be but if not then im ok with it. I think they will get a good start and because they already know whats expected of them I think they will do well. Depending on how the school feels and the test they make them take I think it should be a call that the teachers and academic advisors will make. I had one GT advisor told me she thinks alot of the children that are older tend to do better in school and she doesnt feel they need to be moved up. Most of her GT students are the older bunch.
Good luck!

If I were you, I would hold her back. She will have every advantage being older. Teachers naturally choose older children as leaders. She will have an academic advantage, and she will be the first of her friends to be driving. :) The reason I bring that up is because I would much rather have my child be the driver than the passenger. Good luck. You shouldn't feel bad about holding her back, you will be setting her up for success!

K.

This same exact situation happened to my mother concerning me. She decided to put me into a second year of kindergarten because she was mostly concerned about my self confidence. I have to say, I think it was the right decision. I always did well academically and socially despite moving 8 times by the time I was 15. Further, there is a book called Outliers by Malcom Gladwell that came out sometime last year. In it he looks closely at the situations of very successful people -Bill Gates, etc, and found that many of these people were the oldest in their class! I hope this helps. When it comes to the confidence of our kids, us mothers want only positive influences, and I hope you are able to figure out what that will mean for your little one.

S.

Yes, I think it is better to be older. My daughter has a November birthday and she was older than all of her classmates. She is was in all the Advanced Placement classes, Drum Major for Band and graduated with the President's Award, plus many others. She's smart, however very shy and it helped to stay in Pre-school the extra year. Plus, I read an article that most athletes that excel are the ones older than their peers. I would keep her in K one more year! She'll be fine!

No. I would leave her back, speaking from experience. I have one son who is on the younger side and as intelligent as he is, is way off socially from his peers. Another son who is the oldest in the class is doing a much better job fitting in socially, and because he is in a charter school, he is constantly challenged with his academics.
I would try not to make a fuss with the school so as to not create any ill feelings. It might be embarrassing to have to go back to the board in a few years feeling like you may have made a mistake early on.
It's a hard choice for you, yet again, just make it easy all around by leaving her in K. At this age, she won't have any social pressure about going backwards and it will help her adjust to a new school/environment.
good luck

Hi A.-

Yes, I would hold her back. My daughter is the oldest in her class and so many times I am so glad I made the decision to wait on her starting school. She is the most mature in her class and gets good grades. I also have a friend who's daughter is the youngest and she wishes she had waited. Her daughter is now in highschool and is academically up with all the other kids, but socially she has a hard time fitting in. I have another friend who's son is in highschool now as well and she held him back in Kindergarten do to not being able to socialize well with the kids and she is so glad that she did and he don't even care that he repeated kindergarten.Only you can make this decision for your daughter but my vote is let her repeat kindergarten.

I have dealt with this myself. My daughter has a Christmas Eve birthday. As she got closer and closer to school age we noticed that she was quite advanced for her age academically and also socially in some ways. I call her an old soul. After careful thought and consideration, we decided to go ahead and test her in early. We had a lot of people who thought we were crazy, but we still feel we made the right decision.
You have to follow your gut. I have a brother and sister who were the youngest in their classes and didn't regret it. A couple of my friends have help back their children in K or 1st because they were concerned about how their children were progressing.
There is no perfect answer. For my daughter (now in 2nd grade)testing her in early has been the right decision. For others maybe not. I know it's a tough decision. You are her mother- follow your heart. Good luck.

Do not believe the principal when they tell you that your child will get level appropriate materials. The teachers will have close to 35 students. They won't take the time to give one student special attention.

My daughter attended a very advanced charter school for kindergarten and a regular public school for first grade. She was doing timed subtraction facts to 10 and the first grade teacher was showing the class how to write the number four! My daughter was bored stiff. When I met with the principal and teacher, showing them work samples from kindergarten, they promised (both of them) that my daughter would go to the 2nd grade class for math while the rest of the class did first grade math. It wasn't until the teacher went out on maternity leave did I find out my daughter wasn't getting the level she needed. By then half the school year had passed. Now, the teacher would tell me she was going and doing well, but she wasn't actually going.

My advice would be put her in 1st grade and let her be challenged. If you leave her in kindergarten she will be bored.

I have two personal examples for you. My 2nd son was born in August and was borderline on the cut-off. I felt that he was highly intelligent and advanced for his age, so I sent him to school as one of the youngest. He did very well all the way through school academically and graduated with honors from college. But, he was behind socially and emotionally. Now, he turned out great, but it would have been easier on him to have felt more comfortable making friends and holding his own. He was picked on by bigger boys from time to time, etc. My daughter's birthday is in June and it seemed that she shouldn't have any problem, but, though I put her in pre-school for part of the year before kindergarten, she still only felt comfortable with her brothers. She went to kindergarten on time and did okay. The teacher said that she would do okay in 1st grade. I was having my doubts, however, because she refused to tell the teacher her address and didn't want to move to the next area (math from playtime) when they would change subjects in school. I really struggled about what to do with her, asking a lot of people/ experts about it, then finally asked her which she preferred. She said, "Duh, why would I go to school all day when I can be home playing for half a day with you?" She didn't feel any stigma, especially since we changed schools that year. She repeated kindergarten and was at the top of her class, which gave her lots of self-confidence and she felt comfortable helping some of the other kids and made friends easier. She also graduated with honors from college. If had to do it over, I would have held back my son. It's good that you are concerned about it - it shows that you are a caring mother.

I have been a teacher for 13 years and whenever we have discussed advancement or holding back a student as a team at school, we have rarely decided to do so. There is the emotional well being of the child as well. Most children should be with their peers of the same age for socialization. If in a grade above or below their own, they may feel out of place and have issues and then not do well in school because of feeling uncomfortable. If your daughter is very mature for her age and if you have noticed that she plays well with children older than herself, then you should look into advancing her. As a teacher in my classroom I always had advanced students and students that were not grade level. It is always the case every year in every grade. We do are best to challenge every student, but is difficult in a class of 25-30 students. There are schools that teach about one half of a grade level above the norm which may be good for your daughter since she will be will children her own age, but be challenged.

I will be anxiously awaiting all the responses you get on this one because I am faced with the same decision with my 3rd kid. He is an August baby and we have struggled all this last year with the decision of whether to put him into kindergarten (making him a very young kindergartner) or hold him back and put him in next year. We decided to go ahead and enroll him in kindergarten this year but not without serious reservations. He is academically ready and socially does not seem to struggle at all. But I, too, worry about the impact later on in his academic career. He is also one of my more likely athletic candidates so I share your concerns. We are going to see how he does this year but we possibly face holding him for a second year in kindergarten as well.

I have heard it is far better for them to be the oldest in the class rather than the youngest. Pitting a younger child against a large group of older kids is definitely putting them at a disadvantage. In our case, most of the preschool friends he has followed in school so far are all close to his age and will be starting kindergarten this year as well. So in starting him as a young kindergartner, we are actually allowing him to be with kids that he already plays with and are closer to his age than if we held him back.

Hi A. -

I will also keep this short as I have 2 boys. I was probably the youngest in my class. I started in Cali where the cut off was Nov.1 - my b-day is Nov 21. I was never really challenged and was even going to skip 3rd grade - but my parents feared I would be too young so let me continue on the path. To be honest, I was ready for college at 15 - but didn't start until 17 (when I graduated. The AZ school system is SO behind the rest of the country - I wouldn't want my child to be the oldest in class doing work that was unchallenging and levels behind. My suggestion is to push the school into promoting her to 1st grade...or find a different school/district (with open enrollment) that will.

Girls seem to be more ready to be younger students (IMO) than boys. My son has a friend with a Nov birthday that started in the Scottsdale School Dist (via open enrollment) at 4. Perhaps you can try there if yours is not cooperating?

Boys calling me - must run.

Best of luck!! =)

I know girls mature faster than boys, but it isn't all about maturity either when you think about this.

I have 3 boys - 19, 4, & 3. My 19 yo was one of the youngest in his class with an early July birthday. We started school in IL (cut-off was in Sept) and then moved to MO (cut-off in June). It never bothered him until he hit high school when everyone was allowed to do things before him. He has always had a great head on his shoulders & I really believe he was more mature than most in his grade.

Now my youngest two have birthdays in Sept and Oct so they will definitely be the older ones in their classes. My oldest is VERY happy that his brothers will be the older ones and say they will be much happier in the long run too. My middle one will be 5 two weeks after the cut-off and many of his friends are heading to Kindergarten. I know this is definitely the best for them and I am sooo happy that they will be the older ones.

The circumstances involved in my story versus yours are a bit different, but I did go through a similar situation with my oldest girl, now 8 and going into 3rd. She has always had a shy personality, she did okay academically and her Birthday fell just after the cutoff so she was the youngest and smallest in her class for Preschool and Kindergarten. We had also moved quite a bit and she was in a different school each year at that time, which didn't help her shyness. She had just begun 1st grade and was not progressing well socially. She would cry when I dropped her off at school, she wouldn't participate in anything in class that would put her in the spotlight, wouldn't raise her hand to answer anything, stuff like that. We were 1 quarter into 1st grade when we were moving, again, and had parent/teacher conference. Her teacher advised us to take her back to Kindergarten when we get to our new school because even though she would be okay academically, she was on a downward spiral socially. She advised that this would help her feel more self-confident because she would already know the work, and her classmates would be her size. I loved the idea and we went for it. This was an out of state move for us, so I did tell a white lie to my daughter and said that the school system was different there, and she would have to finish the year in Kindergarten. We have since told her the truth, but her emotions at that time could not handle the truth of the matter. Long story short now...she went back to K at her new school and did a complete turn around! It was the best decision we ever made for our daughter. She became more open, her grades were even better, she started loving school! Success! Hope this helps, good luck Mama.

It's my personal opinion that it's better to be older rather than younger. All 3 of my kids are fall b-days and I waited until they were almost 6 to put them in Kindergarten and I'm so glad that I did. It just puts them at an advantage being older. I feel that they have more of an opportunity to succeed in school when they are older going in. It can only help.

I have been through the early kindergarten issue, so I'll let you know my experience. My older duaghter's B-day is 10/5, and the state's cut-off is turning 5 by 9/1 to start kindergarten. I wanted her to be in Madison School District, and they will actually test any kids with B-days between 9/1 and 10/1 for kindergarten, so we missed their cut-off by only 4 days. My daughter had been reading since 3 1/2 years old, and was very academically ready, but many people cautioned me about her emotional readiness, and worried that she might fall into more of a follower role because of her youth. I was also at home with her fulltime and she had never been to pre-school at all, but she has never been shy.

Anyhow, we decided that she really needed to start school at 4 years old. I just worried that if I kept her out until she was nearly 6, that she might be bored in kindergarten. I found Montessori Day School Public Charter (at 14th St & Dunlap), and they were willing to test my daughter, and found her to be ready for kindergarten. She did very well in kindergarten, and even though she is a little younger, she remained assertive and a leader. I didn't initially tell her that she was starting earlier or that she would be younger than most of her class, though. Though she has now figured out that she is a little younger than most of her classmates, I didn't want her to go into kindergarten worrying that she was littler or anything. After kindergarten, we moved her to Madison Simis for first grade, and she did great there. She reads and does math above her grade-level, and was put into their enriched learning classes for those subjects. At the end of the year, she tested into their gifted program for 2nd grade, so we are getting ready to start in the gifted program this fall.

I honestly believe that we made the right decision in starting her early. She has been with kids who abilities more closely matched her own. When she started kindergarten at 4, there were more than a few kids who weren't reading at all. Even though she was in MOntessori, the class also worked as a group, and they "introduced" letters and sounds to the whole class thru ZooPhonics. On one level, my daughter enjoyed the silly rhymes and songs that she was doing, but she also voiced frustration, as a good little reader, at having to sit thru being told what a "B" is and how it sounds.

If I were in your position, I would be concerned about boring my child by making her repeat material that she has already been thru. My daughter is also very sensitive about being referred to as a second grder, and NOT a first grader. She has already been thru first grade, and she wants to be recognized as such. I honestly think that you shouldn't under-estimate the potential stigma of being "held-back" even if your kid would actually be back where she originally should be.

Many people have voiced concern to me about a younger kid falling behind socially, but I'm actually glad that my girl is on the younger side of her school peers, because she is pretty assertive [read: a bit bossy :)]. If she were on the extreme older side of her classmates I would worry about her running them over. She is actually a little tall for her age, so she isn't any smaller than her classmates. In fact she is about average height in her class.

The only con that I've experienced has been that my daughter has observed to me that she's younger than your classroom peers. She mentions it, but she doesn't seem too worried about it.

It's better to repeat K this year, than to go into 1st grade and later wish that you had waited. I am a September baby, and my parents had put me in K as a younger child, rather than have me wait until the next year. As a result, they realized in 5th grade that it was a big mistake, and they ended up holding me back and repeating 5th grade, as one of the oldest in the class. I did much better through the rest of school, being one of the oldest. We have held both of our children the extra year before beginning K, they are August and September babies. I think it has been a very positive choice. Also, more parents do seem to lean more towards waiting the extra year. In my childrens classes, there were are majority of kids with the August/September birthdays that started K the later year. Especially as the kids get into high school and college, it is important that they are old enough, and waiting that extra year can make all the difference in the world.

I have not had to make this decision as a parent and I have a November birthday so ended up being the eldest in my class most of the time. Overall, this was a good thing and I think my parents made the right call. Academically, they could have sent me at 4 - this is when the cut off used to be in December. Socially and emotionally giving me another year to grow was better. Sometimes it was frustrating because I could feel that 1 year maturity difference with my peers, but in high school and college being a little older was a benefit. I think it gave me a stronger foundation to deal with peer pressure and the transition into the greater world. I was also an honors/AP student in high school and was active in drama, speech, and debate. I also had a double major in college (BA) and now have a Master's degree with a 4.0 GPA.

Giving your daughter that extra year could be a great gift. It was for me.

Academically ready and socially ready are two separate things to take into consideration.

My niece was in the same position (she is now 9), my brother and his wife decided to "not test her in" so she started kindergarden at almost 6.......and it has worked out well. She is in the gifted program now, has alot of confidence and is mature.

My son is in the same position, he's a couple months past the cut off. I also am waiting and having him do another year of preschool. Every educator I have talked to recommends this. I know on a personal level several teachers and an assistant principal, they all feel that way. Why push it? What is the child going to get by going one year ahead? When they are an adult is it really going to matter that they started school one year early? Think about all the people you know and does it matter if any of them started school one year early? Not really.

If she is on the older side of her peers she will be smart, mature and confident. She would probably be in the gifted program then honors. I don't see drawbacks to holding her another year. And I really don't consider her older than all of her peers because there will many kids her age (it was even like that when I was in school).
If she is younger than everyone, she will graduate younger and go into college or career one year earlier and she will be academically where she should. Drawbacks - she may not socially be ready.

I was on the younger side in school and I didn't like it. i.e. I got my drivers license LAST when I was in high school and I hated it! Thank goodness I wasn't a late bloomer or that would have been another thing that made me uncomfortable. I know those may seem silly but to a kid, those are everything. Just things to think about.........

I would go with your gut feeling. You are the mother and I truly believe "moms" get that "feeling" that tells them what they should do. If you think she is ready to continue on, then do it. If you are not sure or think she may not be socially ready then wait. I'd do it now when she or her friends won't notice rather than in 5 years there's an issue and she has to stay back---that would be terrible on her self esteem. When she gets to kindergarden they said they would test her. If they (the professionals) think she is ready to move on then do it, if they don't then I would not push it.

Best of luck. I wish you and your daughter the very best.

Well my daughter is a Nov birthday and although at first I wanted her to start kinder this fall I have now decided its best for her not to go. She is academically ready but for one all day would be too long for her and she is socially just not ready. Its a hard decision so I hope its the right one! Most teachers I have talked to say early starts tend to do well for the first few years then by 3rd grade they start noticing socially they aren't as advanced as the others and sometimes academically they aren't ready for all the material.I had a few teachers basically tell me the same thing. She was so close to the cut off I doubt she will be in the "stigma" of repeating and my mom held me back in 1st grade and I never faced any issues because I was so young. Most don't even realize I repeated.

A.,
I am in the same boat and have been struggling with the same decision for a year now. My daughter misses the cutoff by 2 weeks. I decided I am holding her back. She is petite anyway, so I feel she will benefit socially, physically and acedemically.
I think you are doing the right thing to have your daughter repeat Kindergarten. That will be so much better than being held back at an older grade and having mean kids make comments later in the peer pressure years!
My experience: I started Kindergarten when I was 4 and always felt like I was behind throughout my entire school years. I was always a B/C average student. I always wished I was held back and felt I would have been a better student and more self confident!
Good luck!

My oldest daughter had to start school later due to her birthday was after the cut off.... She went through 2 years of Head Start and then proceeded through the school years... She is now getting ready to turn 16 and is not upset about being the older one in her bunch... never was.
She is very smart, very active in extracurricular activities and yes that includes sports.

I am not sure about most schools but the elementary school I grew up at and that my kids went to (yes the same school) have a gifted program for those that are smarter than their peers. I also noticed that the teachers also do give students that need more challenge after they had finished the required work more work to keep them busy and learning.

Who knows they could always turn around and later say they want to move her up a grade....

As a teacher, I would say put her in the class where she will have the biggest peer group. If there are other advanced Kindergarteners, she can continue to stay in that class and have an academic and physical advantage. I work at a school that is so small I have had to move some kids into a higher grade simply because there was no one at their level. Also, I would think she wouldn't have to endure the stigma of repeating Kindergarten because it was imposed by her age not by her ability.

This is tough, and I understand completly. I have been a preschool teacher for the last 7 years and am taking a break this year for maternity leave. I honestly do believe that it's a good idea in this situation to be the older child rather than the younger. I've seen from past experience that even after a successful year in K, a child may start to regress due to being socially and emotionally younger than many of her peers. Also keep in mind as she gets older. Some of her peers may be up to a year older than her, doing things that she wants to do, but is too young. Rated R movies, driving, dating, drinking, etc. . . Good luck this year!

I think it is better to be the oldest. I missed the cutoff by 1 week as well, and was much happier as I got older. My best friend was the youngest and she always felt left out when we were driving or had later curfews. I repeated K and I don't think there are any problems with it. The teachers will be able to challenge her and she will most likely have more self-confidence in her abiliites.

I have talked to lots of people about this same thing. The Dr. said he never recomends putting kids up a grade. If she has to relearn stuff right now it's ok. I would have her go in to kindergarten and not give it another thought. Being the older kid in the claas is always better than being the youngest kid. Especially as she gets older.

My son started kingergarten at 4 1/2 (after taking the district placement exam...he had to score at 5 years 6 months in all ability levels to be accepted early).

It has been a very positive experience. He is now 11 years old and will start the 7th grade this year. He had two things going for him, he is extremely academically gifted and also phsyically large for his age (he looks more like a 14 year old than an 11 year old).

I might not have made the same decision had it not been for those factors. I would think it would be difficult for a girl socially when her peers are going through puberty and she is not. I remember being consumed with growing my breasts and getting my period for most of 5th and 6th grade. I was the last one in my group to do so. Had my son not been a big, tall boy I might have kept him out a year just so he would be more developmentally like the other kids.

If the school is willing to give her extra work and challenge her then I vote for repeating kindergarten.

Just know that if she knows that she has already been in kindergarten (I assume she does, rather than just calling it "school") you will ALWAYS hear "I'm in the 3rd grade, but I should be in the 4th grade, but my mom made me repeat kindergarten". I have NEVER met a kid who repeated a grade (for whatever reason) that didn't add the caveat of what grade they should really be in.

I, too, put my son in a charter school last year for that exact same reason. We ended up pulling him out at Christmas break, as we felt he was just not ready for the full-day program.

While there are advantages and disadvantages to being the oldest child in the class, I feel that the advantages far outweigh the disadvantages. I do not regret my decision to pull our son and know that he will succeed as an older child in the class.

My birthday is Sept 2, so I missed the cut-off by one day. I was very smart and tested into kindergarten. I was one of the youngest students. I was able to keep up academically, but I have always felt that because I was younger, I was emotionally immature compared to my classmates. I had a lot of issues with friends and found it hard to relate to them. I had friends going through puberty in 5th and 6th grade and I didn't experience that until I was in 8th. I just couldn't relate. Had I been older than them, I may have already gone through some of the stuff before them and I would have understood.

I guess what I am saying is that I think you should keep your daughter in kindergarten again.