In Laws - Mount Pleasant,SC

Mine do this as well & I put a chain on the inside of the door. They now get to open it 1.5" & then yell "you Who, anyone home?" then I can let them in once I'm dressed. I just yell "hold on a minute" Now this has happened a few times & now they usually call first or honk the horn before coming to the door. I told them my son who was just 2 at the time was sleep walking & I was concerned about him getting outside. I told hubby same thing since he didn't see an issue with the other. good luck.

It's not "normal" -- even for those of us "up North"! My in-laws did this and I HATED it....but my FIL had a garage door opener. I would hear this hummmm and be like "what????" and then BOOM--there they were. Grrrrrr...
Their other thing they did was to "pop" in just as we were sitting down to eat dinner. They would have already eaten and then say "go ahead! We'll just sit in the family room til you're done" Right--like a kid is going to sit there and eat with his grandparents in the next room.
SEVERAL times I said "well, if we had KNOWN you were coming we would have made extra and you could have joined us!" Once I think I got really pissy and said nothing. Stayed in the kitchen til ALL was cleaned up and put away. All I can tell you was they eventually got it. I believe my husband even told them several times to call us before they came over.....I like the idea of a deadbolt or a chain lock.

Put a sliding deadbolt, accessible from the inside only, on each door to "keep the children safe".

You need to convince your husband that this isn't right, then he should talk to his family. Coming from you directly might make you the outsider. Your husband is comfortable with this because it is HIS family, he lived in the same house as these people for a long time. Would he feel the same if your parents popped in right after he got out of the shower?? You need your privacy, and to feel comfortable in your own home. They should always call first, then knock when they arrive. Personally I like walking around in my underwear if I feel like it ( or if 2 kids are freaking out and I didn't have time to get dressed.)

I think Amy hit it right on the nose. How would he feel if he were running around the house practically naked or he is naked and your parents just walked on in? Pose that question to him, I know I'd love to hear his answer to that..lol.

If he were living by himself, that would be fine. But his parents are not showing you any respect at all by just walking into your home unannounced. This is YOUR home, not theirs. You absolutely have a right to both your privacy and to feel at ease and comfortable in your own home, which I'm sure you don't at this point. Wow, that is so rude. I just can't believe they would do that.

If you have the cojones, try walking around naked a few times and hope they walk on in, maybe that would be the last time they do it. Lol.

Your husband should be the one to talk to them, after all, they are his parents, not yours. Is this causing a problem between the two of you?

Very good response Jenny. Put a bolt on your door "for the kids, dogs, cat" whatever. If you feel it would cause serious issues don't tell them afterall you knew about this before you guys got married.

If you have talked with your in laws directly about how their showing up unannounced scares you (you don't need to say offend), I would call them and say "Just wanted to let you know that we had to get the locks changed because we lost one of our spare keys. I didn't want you to worry when your key doesn't work. Just knock and I'll let you in." If either takes offense, it's not because of anything you said! And she can't directly accuse you of anything, you will both just understand without it being said!
And give your spare key to a neighbor. If they ask why, say you didn't want to inconvenience them in case you need the key.

Well I am from the north and we never had this coming in on someone with out calling. It s reprehensible and discourteous for them to even consider coming in your home without consent from the home dweller I don't care where you are from. I suggest you sit down with your husband remind him that he is married now and that his allegiance is to the happiness of his wife, that this freely coming has to stop as it makes you nervous, that it is an invasion on yours and his privacy, that things may have been that way when and where he grew up but he in no longer a child ( which he is acting like one by not taking a stand for you, his wife) that thigs have changed and this situation has to change. Sounds like your in-laws are overbearing people and want to impose their will It is your husband's responsibility to eliminate the problem, not yours.. If he fails to handle it, I would let him know he is contaminating the marriage. Knowing me I would say something to the in-laws and if they get a grudge, that is their problem. Don't let these discourteous rouges run over you. Be firm and respectful when speaking with your husband. Good luck. J. Gordon

You can either demand that your husband put a stop to it (and I would make HIM do it, since it's his parents!) or you can add an extra lock to your door, like one of the chains at the top. That will stop them from being able to enter until you unlock that part of it. I would find someone bursting into my home that way completely intrusive and annoying and would find a way to stop it as well, so I don't think you're being unreasonable.
Good luck!
Edit: Sorry, I see others have suggested the extra lock as well. I can't figure out how to see the other answers before I post mine ever since they changed the format here. I apologize for the repeat, but it IS a good suggestion!

Don't say anything just go to Home Depot or Lowe's and purchase one of those chain locks or whatever you call them for the top of your door and at that each access door. I think that would be a suttle hint right there and if they do indeed ask about it say "Oh you know we had a problem with some family members or the kids friends whatever whatever just walking right in without knocking or anything and there were times I was naked so we had to put extra security locks on the doors" I think that would be enough said.....without actually having to approach the situation directly. Anyways just MY two cents-lol!

I agree with everyone who said the lock is the way to go. I am not sure how old your child is, but we had to install additional locks at the top of the door (we used the kind that slide up into the jamb for aesthetic reasons; I have a friend who prefers the bar that flips over on the door like the ones used in hotels), because our son would unlock the door and head outside. That started when he was about 18 months old. It was easy to explain, then, why we had the additional locks on the door without causing a fight. Good luck!

Not only would I be furious at the thought that they wouldn't knock before entering, but I would expect at least a phone call ahead of time to know that they were coming. Even stopping by and ringing the bell unannounced would tick me off!! Do they come into your home when you're not home? Honestly, if your husband can't tell them to ring the bell first then I think you should. Just be honest and say, "I know that back home this is how you've always done things, but I'm just not comfortable with you walking in. I' ve been startled a few times to find you standing in my home when I was unprepared. Could you please ring the doorbell from now on?"
If that doesn't work then I'd get the deadbolt or even have an alarm system installed and set it so that they get the scare of a lifetime if they open the door unannounced :-)!

Good luck,
K.

The extra lock seems to be the way to go. The right thing would be for your husband to talk to them since they are his parents, but if he refuses, put a lock on the door.

However, if you really wanted them to stop, come out totally naked when they come over!! I bet that would stop them! ha ha ha

I know exactly how you feel! My ex-mother-in-law would do the same thing. (I can't imagine just walking into someone else's home, but my ex-husband and his family did it quite often.) I had asked my ex-husband to speak to his mother in numerous occasions, but he always refused. I did not like the fact that she had a key to my home and could come inside whenever she felt like it, which was quite often I might add. So, one day, I confronted HER about it. I asked her to please stop just walking into my home. And she actually said to me, "This is my son's home, not yours." Of course I spoke to my husband about it, but he defended his mother. He said that I was wrong for asking her to stop coming in that like because she's his mother. I soon learned (although not quick enough or I never would have married him) that my husband was a Mama's Boy. He literally could not live without his mother controlling everything we did. Soon after giving her a key to our home, he gave her access to his bank account, something not even I had access to. Then it was our cars. He actually gave her our cars for her to give to her daughter. It really was insane.
Hopefully your husband and his family turned out less crazy than mine did. Needless to say, I divorced him. It was a messy divorce, but thank the lord it's over! Lol. I've been legally divorced for a year now.

My advice is simple... STAND YOUR GROUND! That was my mistake. I was so dumb founded by my husband that I didn't stand my ground and demand that her key be taken away.

OR you could go with the mean approach since your husband isn't listening... Change the locks. DEMAND that his mother not have the means to intrude on you. Believe me, he may be upset for a while, but if he's normal (or at least normal-er than my ex-husband), he'll get over it. Because he'll realize that you're right. No one should have the right or the means to intrude on you and your home whenever they please.

Do you have chain lock on your doors? Keep them on at all times! When you come to the door let them know that you have other commitments or else you would invite them in. Ask them to please call beforehand so you will be available to visit with them. Keep firm. Check out the book of boundaries by Dr. Cloud and Townsend. We become ONE when we marry, your husband became one with you, not he's parents. Good luck.

First off, they don't act like that because they live in the north. That is just the way they are.Secondly, are they the type of people that feel they can do to you what they would not have you do to them? Maybe you can put one of those chains on the door that when they open the door the chain will stop them. If they ask why just tell them it's for extra security. If you do a deadbolt they will want that key also. That is sad when people take offense and feel they have rights when they are infringing on other people's right. I really would like to know if they would mind people walking into their house using a key. I would pray that God would show them in a way that they would understand that they are wrong to do this. Try prayer, the chain, and talking to them. But pray first whatever you do (smile)

I like the idea of an inside bolt! Also, try explaining to them that sometimes you're in the shower or preoccupied cleaning out a closet or something, and it scares you to death to suddenly have someone in your house when you weren't expecting it! Jokingly let them know that you often wander around the house in the buff, and you know no one wants them to walk in on that! Hopefully they'll get the hint without getting angry, but really, that's NOT okay! My MIL will try the door, and if it's not locked she'll come in with no announcement. I flat out told her it scared me to death and to please not do that anymore. I jokingly threw in the fact that I would hate for her to get slugged in the head with a baseball bat since I'm liable to be hiding around the corner if I hear someone creeping around my house!

HI P.,

Tell her. You can not be responsible for her grudge holding. I had the same issue when I got married but it was about telephone calls at 5AM because she couldn't sleep. She wanted to chat with her son and he did (still in bed)...for about a year. I got absolutely no sleep and he finally told her not to call until after 8. The grudge was held for a few years, and we've had other ones too, but they eventually shift to other things....usually of less importance. Your MIL will eventually just get into the habit of doing what you need her to do. Only worry about how you treat her. You can't worry about her behavior!

M.