In Dire Need of Advice for My 20 Month Old, Please Help!!!!

It sounds to me like your son is fine, my daughter wasn't talking at 20 months and she is fine now (3 1/2). Florida has a free screening program called FLorida Diagnostic Learning and Resources System (FDLRS - sounds like Fiddlers). Anyway, they take kids from birth to 5. They screen everything (vision, hearing, motor, speech, language, cognitive, behavior, medical). I've never been, but I've heard good things. I'm taking my daughter later this month because I think she has sensory issues. They have a flyer at their site that tells you the screening days and locations. http://fdlrs.mysdhc.org/ On the right side, click the link for "Developmental Screenings". It will download a pdf file with all of the dates and locations.

3 moms found this helpful

Hi there! My thoughts are this...if your Dr. says your son is ok- then I wouldn't worry about what the day care is saying. All kids develop at different speeds and your boy will start talking when he's ready. I have twin 5 month old boys and as alike as twins are- they still develop at different rates. One of my boys coo's all day long and is very active and observant...the other one enjoys just laying there watching his brother. I was concerned at first, thinking that one was "behind schedule" but my Dr. told me the same thing I'm telling you- "all babies are different". He'll catch up in no time! Of course- I'm not a Dr...this is just my opinion. And don't be afraid to talk "baby talk"...I've actually read that babies respond better to it. It sounds like you're doing everything you should be doing (reading etc). Keep it up!

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I have 3 little boys and a 4th on the way and my advice to you is relax! All kids are different, they talk at different times, they do different things, they all behave differently just like adults:) If your doctor says he is fine then he is, unless you don't trust your doctor. I know I trust mine over a worker at a daycare who has what type of degree??? Treat him like a 1 1/2 year old and let him discover who he is as you guide him along. I know it is difficult to miscarry, I have experienced it as well, but instead of dwelling on those rejoice in the two beautiful lives you are shaping and getting to watch grow now and know that for whatever reason the miscarriages just weren't meant to be, it wasn't anything that you could have controlled. So enjoy those cutie pies, have fun, watch them discover new things and grow into beautiful children and relax, you only get one go round at it! Good luck!

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It sounds to me like you need to find a new daycare! Some kids don't talk until after they turn two and he may just start talking in sentences one day. If the doctor says he is fine, then don't worry. My son was spoiled too because he was very sick as an infant, but he is a well-adjusted five year old now. Don't worry!!! A doctor has much more experience than a day care worker when it comes to physical milestones.

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Not to sound redundant, but I think you need a new preschool. And maybe let your friends know about that school so they may choose to stay away too. If a toddler cannot whine without being judged then the teacher has no clue. ALL toddlers whine and the ones who don't have VERY lucky parents!!! Don't lose any sleep over this one. Do what you feel is best for your child.

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Your son sounds on target to me. First of all he is only 20 mths old. My son is 28mths old and he says words and very small sentences. The school he goes to told me that he doesn't communicate as much with them, but that he will repeat what they say to him. However once they found out that he talks and talks at home (sometimes I can't get him to stop) they figured he talks where he is most comfortable. I am sure your son will develop communication skills just fine. Every child is different and also the fact that boys genetically develop slower than girls do in that area as well. I even read once that girls even move their lips in the womb! Females are born talkers. Don't worry about it. If you are communicating with him consistently, then you are on the right track.

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not sure how your daycare does things. Ours has infant room, one year old, and every year like that...
They really have no right to be saying those things to you (in my opinion). I'm sure you will get a lot of responses from parents telling both good stories and bad stories, because this question gets asked every now and then. I don't think there is anything to worry about yet. My son didn't say his first words until 17-18 months and like you, he understood everything. Then one day around his second birthday, the floodgates opened and he progressed quickly from words to phrases. I really don't think you should worry yet and the daycare people need to lay off. I hear this a lot, especially with boys for some reason. If he responds to you and understands you, the language will come. Please don't stress! It isn't because he is spoiled either. I know some people think that you should not give them things they want until they say the word as encouragement. I would think that this would be a last resort for when he is older. My son doesn't respond under frustration, it just makes things worse. A few months from now, you won't believe the difference!

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Hi:

I have a 21 month old baby and he does not talk yet. He has a baby language talk but when I talk to him he understands me. He is also my miracle baby because I had radiotherapy in the pelvic area and the doctor told me I was never going to have a baby. But God is awesome and He gave me a baby boy. Every baby develops in their own pace. If the doctor told you he is doing well, don't worry about it. He might be shy, mine is.

The teachers at your daycare are not nice. They should have him in the toddler class. He doesn't deserve to be treated that way. He is not an infant. I just get upset that they treat you and your precious baby that way. Is there any way you can get him in another daycare that are nice and respectful to your baby?

Hope this helps.

1 mom found this helpful

I wouldn't worry. My oldest son spoke on a limited basis until he was two. And even then he didn't talk much with others outside the family. He also understood everything we said to him and was well behaved. He is now 37 years old with a PhD in electrical engineering!! So, don't worry. Your instincts and your doctor's observations are on target. Many times a child has the knowledge and capability to talk, but chooses not to. This too is normal and when he is ready the child will perform. By the way I was an elementary school teacher and also had a daycare. I have four children and ten grandchildren. Good luck and keep loving those babies, they are special gifts from God!! Lucille

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Typically, they move to the toddler class at 18 months. You may want to look into that. I would ask your doctor. They usually let you know if they think there is an issue. He is probably fine. Not all kids talk at the same time.

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Every child develops at their own pace. Stay in communication with your doctor, and ask your daycare how you could work together to help your son's development.

As far as the "spoiling him" point... I recommend you read a couple of books that really helped ME get on the right track. "Boundaries for Children" by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend -and- "Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline" by Becky Bailey which teaches "Conscious Discipline".

About me:
I am a mother of 3 daughters, Katie 17, Emma 14 and Kim 6, and I have been married to the most wonderful man for 22 years. I have been a pre-school teacher, director and now work with children and families as a Music with Mar. Instructor.

1 mom found this helpful

hi Chinetta,

i think it may be your daycare. if they are telling you to be more firm with your son. How are they treating him during the day? your right if he is around infants. how is he going to learn more words? My nephew was the same way he did not talk even after his 2nd birthday he was not saying much. then it was like over night he was talking up a storm. If the DR says hes ok
i would not worry. my son talked early but he did not walk until 16 months and i was worried. until a smart women said. honey don't worry. they will all be walking and talking in kindergarten . every child is different. good luck i hope this helps.

1 mom found this helpful

If the dr says he is fine, then in my opinion it's the daycare since you said that they still have him in the infants class.
I would find another daycare that is will place him in the right class.
Good Luck,
K. J

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It sounds to me like the daycare is a little pushy. All children develop at different rates and your child should not be grouped into a generalization. I understand your need to be overprotective. Our second child and only daughter spent two weeks in PICU because she had stopped breathing when she was 4 days old. I think my constant need to watch over her had an affect on her development up to the age of 2. When we had our 3rd child I realized that I had to let her do some things on her own. She is almost three now and she has caught up and is just fine. I own an Indoor Playground and see countless numbers of kids from 1-3 years old. Some 3 year olds can barely speak and then there are 1 year olds speaking in paragraphs. LIke I said children will develop at their own rate. Just have patience with him and possibly look into an alternative daycare. Yes by the way your child should be in a class with children his own age. He will never relate to children at his age level and will never learn beyond the "baby" class if he is kept with much smaller children all day.

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I am in a somewhat similar situation with my 21 month old (and I have a 6 month old too!). My son is finally starting to repeat a few words (or at least try to). He wasn't saying anything other than "ball" for the longest time, but it is obvious he understands everything we say to him, and he has been able to communicate in his own way. I would listen to your doctor over the daycare providers. I'm bothered by the things your daycare providers have said to you. While a 20 month old is not drinking from a bottle, etc., he is still your baby. He's not even 2, what type of behavior are they expecting from him? My 21 month old is often grumpy, easily frustrated, and fussy. I think it's normal to be a bit whiny, and perhaps your son is whining and not speaking more because of some failure on the part of the daycare! Just based on your question, you should check out other daycares. I know that is no easy task, but it may be well worth it. My children have gone to 2 daycares, and while the providers let me know if the boys are fussy or had a difficult day, they have never insulted me or the boys. Anyway, if you're looking for a new daycare, you can use this DCF website: http://204.90.20.58/childcare/provider/providersearch.aspx; which will not only allow you to enter specifications with which to search for a daycare, but it also gives you info re: inspections at the daycare, which was very important to me (I'm a big worrier too). For example, I avoided any daycares that repeatedly failed to ensure that they had the required number of people who are CPR certified or repeatedly failed to perform criminal checks on its employees.
Well, sorry for the long response, but it seems we have a lot in common as far as our childrens' ages and our tendency to be overprotective.
Hope this is helpful!

1 mom found this helpful

Chinetta:
A typical two year old will be putting two words together and have a vocabulary of at least 20 words. I would recommend that you seek a language evaluation by a professional if you are concerned. Sometimes pediatricians tell you to wait with language delays, but if your son indeed needs services then it's better to get him started with therapy now. You can get an evalutaion done through your local Early Steps office. It is a government funded agency that assists families with children 0-3 years old. If it turns out that he does not have a delay, then at least you will be able to have peace of mind about the situation.

A.

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You need to find another daycare.One that has a loving, caring and encouraging environment!Every child is different...your doing a great job. He is just fine.

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Chinetta, I am seriously concerned about your daycare. How FIRM do you need to be with a 20 month old? As far as the communication is concerned, you can take him to a FREE screening at St. Joes Children's Center to see if the speech pathologists have any issues with his development. Boys usually talk later than girls, so if he is in a class of girls, he could appear slow. Personally, I LOVE sweeter, kinder boys. Everyone out there is trying to make them tough, but he is only 20 months of age.

D. A. RN, Ph.D., IBCLC
Advanced Lactation Care, Inc.
Tampa, FL

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I understand your need for comfort and reassurance. I thought for the longest time that my son my have been color blind but he was just slower than my first on recognizing his colors. When I was worried about him he was also in the 2 year old range but he is almost 5 and on target.

I wonder, if you have the time, if your son may benefit from interaction outside of the daycare setting with other kids? Maybe the library or a church group? Maybe placing him with older kids and letting him play he will blossom. If not I know there are orgainzations who offer screenings for young children, United Way has a referral service, by calling 211, you can see if anyone in the Venice area can offer a developmental screening.

And last but not least, my advice would be if you are not comfortible with your day care provider, change. They need to be supporting your children as well as your family.

Hope Jayden is just holding out on you and that you find yourself in a few months wondering if he will ever stop talking!

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hello! i have a son who is 22 months old and was a little concerned 2 mths ago because of the same issue. just in the last 2 mths he has been talking a lot more. he babbles a lot, whines sometimes but understands everything. the doctor told me as long as he is understanding what you say he is ok. i also asked a few nurses and the office and one nurse said her son didn't speak fluently until he was 3. hope this eases your mind a little.

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Chinetta,

I think it is crazy to think that a 19-20 month old boy should be talking alot! Every child is different and each develop and move forward with different skills at different time frames. Some seem more physical before others, while another will be less physical but more vocal. You are doing fine.

I would question this daycare, or at least the staff that they are criticizing both you and your son...saying that he shouldn't be so whiny and that you shouldn't baby him. He is yours and you can treat him the way you see fit and what makes your family happy. Maybe your loving, gentle approach that works well at home isn't working with them because maybe they aren't interacting with him in the way you are??? Maybe he is more responsive to you because he has a loving bond....

I wouldn't worry about him, other than to maybe find another more nurturing daycare/homecare setting....

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I know what you are going through. I have two daughters who are diagnosed as being developementally delayed. First thing is to have him tested if you are concerned. Second seek another daycare who can understand his needs and help him to improve instead of loses their patients with him if that is the case. Finally check with your doctor to see about testing his hearing. I know that may be a stretch, but I did this with my children to rule everything out. My oldest is 5 now and is talking non-stop now due to a frenulectomy[her tongue was stuck at birth and needed surgery]. She then received speech therapy through All Childrens Hospital in the New Port Richey location, then has been enrolled at a Pre-K Talk program that is free through the Public school system for the past year and a half. My youngest one has had her adnoids and Tonsils taken out before she was 2 1/2, and also extensive hearing tests to make sure she didn't have any hearing loss that we couldn't catch ourselves. My oldest also had her adnoids taken out when she was about 3 and that hepled immensely with how they both slepted at night. I have gone through alot and I understand about being firm with your children, but if they can't express properly what is going on with them you can't be so called firm. I wish you luck and pray that everything goes well with your son.
Sincerely,
S. Frazis
EF-5
SF-3
baby on the way

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hi chinette!
i wouldn't worry to much about it. ever child learns things at a different pace. i know people whose children didn't speak until they over 2 years old and they are normal. just like some children walk at 10 months and others don't walk until 18 months. he understands you, so he is developing. your daycare shouold havwe him in the toddler room. most daycares move the children from the infant room once they are 1 and are eating table food. this transition also helps the child to do what other kids his/her age are doing. if the other kids are talking he will be talking in no time. if he stays where they are babies of course he's going to act like a baby.
anyway, i wouldn't worry too much about it, especially if your doctor doesn't seem to concerned.
trust me he'll be talking non stop soon enough!

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Every child has it's own developement speed. Some walk at 9 months , others don't until well over a year. My daughter started walking at 1 yr. I would asume the same goes for speach but I agree with you and think he should at least be tried in with the toddlers for a time to see how he does after he reaches a full 2 yrs old. My youngest grandchild that I live close to is 7 so I don't remember how old they were when speach was more advanced. I would say that at 2 simple sentences are not yet proficient. I wouldn't worry until he is 3. Actually, you mention he is only 19 months. Not even 2 yet. Wait until he is a full 2 yr old, then ask day care to put him in with the toddlers and see how he does.

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Chinetta,

That is not unusual at all. Listen to the medical professionals. My daughter didn't start saying anything before 2 and my sister's son didn't speak until about 3 years old and he is doing fine (now in kindergarten). I hear the anxiety in your words. I can't imagine having 3 miscarriages. I don't know your faith Chinetta but if you believe in God, He says to let him worry for you. Be anxious over nothing because He is in charge. In other words, your worrying, will not change the outcome. You have been blessed with 2 children. Enjoy them.

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I think you know what the problem is..your daycare!so if your looking for validation ...u got it!i believe you know that theres nothing wrong with your son and also you know that your daycare is ignorant ..not you!first of all , your child is only 19 mos.,he shouldn't be talking excessively..(i have lots of experience..i have 4)a few words is fine(more than fine)!i cant believe they said the things they did to you..the arrogance of their approach is ridiculous!they obviously don't understand childhood development and you should take your son out! God bless and good luck!

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Hi Chinetta,
I'm a mom of a 28 year old beautiful daughter and a grandmother of a five year old darling grandson. I was so afraid our daughter would suffer crib death that she sleptt in our room until she was several months old.
When we finally moved her into her own room, just down the hall from our bedroom, she would wake me up 5 -6 times every night. Nothing wrong, she just wanted her mommmie. I was exhausted the next day. After a few months of this, my husband said i could check on her one time. After that let her cry. He literally had to hold me in bed because i was so sure she needed me. Guess what? After that first night- and it was a doozie. She would shake the crib, scream and wait to hear if i was coming to her. It only lasted the one night. From that night on she slept the whole night through. Silly me! Did i say that she was one year old by this time? hahaha

Now about your grandson. If the doctor says nothing is wrong, I would certainly trust him more than the daycare. Do you know most of the time
little boys are slower at talking than little girls? Our grandson didn't really start talking sentences until he was a well past 24 months old. By the time he was three he was better, but all the little girls around him were talking a mile a minute. Not him. He is now
five and talking very well. He needed to be reminded between 3 and 4 years old to "use your words". I feel that your son is normal for
his age simply because he is a boy. It is a fact that girls speak so
much more words - something like 5,000 more than boys. Your daycare should know this. You may want to check out another daycare facility.
Trust your "Mommie Instincts".

Blessings,
T.

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Chinetta, you are a clinician. I would trust your judgement before a daycares. He is your son and you know him best. Language is different for all kids; boys take longer. As long as he has between 20-30 words he is fine. Sentences don't come until later. He should definetly be with kids his own age, I would insist upon it. My baby boy is 22 months and he talks, but half of it I can't understand and the rest is repetitive. Such as he is constantly asking about the same people "gamma, dada, uncle walt, nana, nanny".
Additionally, it takes a parent to raise a child not a community. I know our nation's thoughts reverse that; people think they know best for your child. You are responsible for the type of person he becomes, therefor I feel that you should continue to love and discipline him as you see fit. Don't worry about him being soft; I often think people are to hard on kids. That said, kids like structure. Saying no does not equate to being mean. Children need structure, the thrive with it. I have seen too many teens whose parents were afraid to upset them as children (afraid to hurt their feelings). These kids have issues. The ones who had firm boundaries, loving parents, and open communication with their parents were in great condition.
You might think about leaving a nanny camera at the day care to see what is really going on.
Best wishes

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It is not your son it is the daycare...Children talk when they want to. as long as the pedi says that he is ok don't listen to them. MY nephew did not talk fluently until he was 3. He had nothing to say. He was a listener. Now my son is 19 months and he talks all the time but he does not want to listen. Your son is fine just keep reading to you and when you talk to him make him answer you and not use head nods. As far as discpline it is different for every child. My son I have to tell something to his misbehaving self 10x. My dau at that age I could ask her something once and she was an angel. Don't worry once he starts talking you will not be able to shut him up. LOL

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Hi. I am a mom of two girls, almost 4 and 6. My eldest daughter didn't talk barely at all until she was well over two. The doctors thought she would need speech therapy but I thought I should just watch her for a little. She is my first and, like you, I spoke to her like a grown up and spent a lot of time with her. She was just more on the "shy" side. Well, now, she talks constantly and is advanced for her age.

My other daughter spoke in complete sentences at age 20 months. BUT...she had an older sister who talked to her all the time plus me and my husband. Maybe some of those kids who are talking more have older siblings. I believe that if the doctor thinks he is doing fine, that he is fine. Every kid is different. Your daughter will probably talk sooner just b/c of the birth order.

Now...speaking of your daycare...it doesn't seem like they are giving you any support. They should not be judging where your son should be on the learning curve, in my opinion. I am a nurse and I know that every kid and family is different. If you choose to spoil him, then do it. They are not raising him, you are, so keep up the good work. I wonder if you should bring this up with the schools director and see if you can get him into the older class. That way, he will be with new teachers and have a fresh start. Good luck and let me know how you are doing.

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Hi,
Two thoughts:
1. Maybe it is the daycare. What kind of credentials do the teachers have? Get them to be specific about what they think needs to be done differently and why.
2. Trust your gut.

T. F.
A little about me:
I am the mom of a soon to be 5 year old boy; married for almost 11 years to a wonderful guy

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I have raised four kids, and now am raising my 15 month old granddaughter. Have had her since she was 3 months old.
All kids develop at their "own" rate , and time. At his age, I wouldnt be overly concerned.

I would DEFINATELY listen to his Doctor over the day care. MOST day care personnel are minimum wage workers, who cant get a better job (unfortunately) Very few even have had courses in child care, or just the basic required ones.

Listen to your Doctor. Ask questions, on each appointment.

Relax, and ENJOY your little one.

jackie

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Please do not let the daycare make you worry; my daughter is 18 months almost 19 and she is very smart but she's not talking she says a few things but not many. Children learn at their own pace. She was a very quick walker and she picks up stuff so fast she'll talk when she's ready and so will he.

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You know your son better than anyone else. If you and his pediatrician both feel his development is on target then who cares what the daycare has to say. All children develop and reach milestones at different times. They are not all cookie cutter, KWIM? You're doing a great job!

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You have been blessed with such a wonderful family! As a mother, it is our right to make sure our children have their needs met. Good for you for speaking up! I hope this daycare was at least tactful with what they said. Language development happens at different times for different children. Bilingual children tend to take longer to speak and other factors can be involved. Children need to be among their peers. Your son is a toddler and will develop happier, stronger and understand his place better when around other children his age. His whining is developmental, too. If he were 6 yrs. old and whining, I would worry. But take into consideration that perhaps the infant program is boring for him or upsetting without the right interaction with friends. He might be whiny or unwilling to talk beacuase of that! My good friends son was 2 1/2 and did not say a word!! It's ok. As long as your doctor says he is on the right track, relax and find other people who can care for your child the way you would at home if you could. This situation is not fair for anyone involved at this point.
Also, be tactful as you wish to have been treated. Some teachers latch out on the child when having problems with their parents.....they put them behind.
Good luck and I think you really know deep inside what to do. Don't be afraid and care and love your child to the fullest, but also feel free to be stern when necessary, especially since he understands you now.
There are other ways, programs that can help language development. If you need assistance, let me know.

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I'm sure your son is fine. Kids develop at different ages...they are all different. Unlike Melissa P, my kids did the exact opposite. My daughter (my first) was talking in complete sentences by 18 months old and has always been really advanced for her age. My 2nd and now my 3rd, talked later because they had a big sister that felt the need to talk FOR them rather than let them talk for themselves. Also, some kids just find other ways to express themselves and you know the saying, "If it ain't broke, don't fix it." Kids don't see the need in talking if they've come up with other ways to get their points across.

my younger cousin was well over 3 before he actually started talking in sentences. turns out the little piece of skin that sticks out a little under your tongue was just a little too tight. he couldn't form the words properly because his tongue didn't move as well as everyone elses. plus, my mom babysat him and there weren't any other children around him. if his doctor hasn't found anything that would be causing speech delays (either physical or developmental) don't worry. just get him around more kids and that should be fine. my cousin is now 18 years old, graduating from high school this year, and is a little shy but once he starts talking...good god it's hard to shut him up...

1 mom found this helpful

Chinetta,

My only advice is to trust YOUR instincts. If YOU feel that Jayden is not developing normally then I would seek the advice of another Doctor. LOTS of kids do talk at that age, but LOTS of kids dont! Einstien didnt speak until he was almost 7! If YOU think that you would like your child in another class then I would seek another school. Montessori is great if you can find one that takes children his age. Bottom line is - you are his mother and you seem like you have great instincts. Trust them and let that be your guide. I know you feel so lucky to have your children, but they too sound lucky to have such a caring Mom. Good luck.

1 mom found this helpful

Hello,
My son is 22 months old and doesn't talk fluently either. He, like your son, will say words here and there but does not say full sentences. He does understand everything I say and will nod if I ask him if he wants something. He says no, but won't say yes. He knows a lot of words, but will say the wrong first letter...like Cruck is truck, etc. My son attends a home daycare 2 days a week where he is around 3 or 4 other kids that are varying in age from 15 months to 6 yrs old. I think that really helps because I agree with you that being around older children (or children the same age that talk a little more) has a definate positive influence on them. I started seeing a difference when I limited TV as well. I thought I wasn't doing much harm because he would just watch Noggin type shows that I thought were educational. My son would just zone out when they were on, though. Now when I am at home with him, the TV stays off until around 5pm. I had to do in vitro to have my miracle baby so I can understand what you mean about being overly protective, worried, and spoiling:). So many people will tell you how he needs to be developing, but I firmly believe that Mama knows best! A friend of mine has a son that is going to be 2 on April 14th that already knows his ABC's! I let that get to me too, at first, but not every child is the same and I have heard that boys develop and talk later than girls. Not sure if any of this helps, but it sounds like you and your son are doing just great!

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I'm so sorry you had to endure so many miscarriages. I only went through one and it broke my heart. I have so much respect for you that you persevered.

I heard it's very typical for boys to talk later than girls. I have a 27 month old little girl (2nd born) and when she was still NOT using many words by her 2nd birthday I was very concerned. My doctor kept reassuring me that not all children use a ton of words by 17 or 18 months (like my first born daughter). He said I should be more concerned after her 2nd birthday if I didn't see an improvement. Sure enough soon after her 2nd birthday in January the words started coming. It was like she found her tongue, especially since March. It's getting better every week.

There is an almost 3 yr old boy in my daughter's daycare class that I would say is pretty close to his mommy and is less verbal than the younger girls in the room. It's hard on the daycare worker but she is also understanding that every child develops differently. He cannot move into the older room until he is potty trained.

All in all (IMHO), your son is acting totally normal for a 19 month old little boy! You're doing a great job and perhaps a new preschool would be best, but I'm sure you will follow your heart either way.

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I'm A mother of 4, my oldest is 19. When he was 20 months he didn't say anything. He is now at Florida State on a full academic scholarship! I believe children learn at different levels. Although I do home child care and I agree he should be in a toddler class. I watch a 4, 2, and 1 year old and encourage the older to teach the younger. Also liitle kids tend to try to imitate older kids. I would insist that he is moved or find a new daycare. Don't blame yourself but try to make him do things for himself . You sound like a great caring mother he will be great. Good luck Jodi

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Hi Chinetta,

I am glad that you were finally blessed with your 2 angels...Before his/her 2nd birthday, a toddler should be able to say about 50 words, not just understand them. Now, all children develop differently and therefore it's not always good to compare them. I have 2 daughters. My eldest spoke over 200 words when she turned 2...spoke in short phrases as a matter of fact...and then I have my 2nd daughter. She did speak the 50 "expected" words but she was nowhere as verbal as her older sister. I compared them and compared them and worried. Things did not get better even when she turned 3. Compared to her friends, she was soooo far behind!
My best friend told me that I spoiled her more than I spoiled my eldest. I also didn't like her preschool (it was a montessori school and being with students ranging from 3 to kindergarten), she was the baby and I believe she was also treated like a baby...The expectations for her were lower if even existent. Taking on my friend's advice and switching schools proved to be just what the doctor ordered. My youngest daughter never ceases to talk (be careful what you wish for...LOL) and she has almost caught up to her best friends (who are all 3 to 6 months older than she is).

In general, daycare teachers, because they interact with so many kids of the same age, can easily compare kids and see "potential problems" unlike parents who have less experience with children and are more likely to be bias and think that their kid is "gifted". There is an agency, FDLRS (I believe they are in every county) can provide him with a free speech assessment to ease your mind. Here is a link to find the FDLRS in your area.

http://www.paec.org/fdlrsweb/managers.pdf

PS- kids don't break eventhough they look fragile. Dicipline him now rather than later otherwise you might regret it. Most parents believe that they are doing a fine job(we are blinded by love), however, if everybody else is telling you that he needs some help in that department, don't take it personally and see which areas you want to target. One area at a time. Do it before he turns 2. I read this book, Dicipline with Love and Logic...Pretty good book.

Good luck with your little ones!

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Hi Chinetta, It sounds to me as if your precious little boy is right on target. My son, who is now 9, did not really speak until just around his 2nd birthday. He babbled and had his own language. He is very smart and is in the advanced classes at his school. I think you might want to look into another childcare situation. And yes, I think he should be with toddlers. I don't know your situation, but if at all possible I would get him out of day care all together, or have him go as little as possible.--J.

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Chinetta......
First I want to say congrats on your two precious bundles of joy, I am sure it was a hard road getting there for you! I wanted to say that my son is now 2 1/2 he started talking right around your son's age.. .I have met lots and lots of babies boys and girls (they say boys are a little slower then girls) who didn't say their first words till they were 2 or older.... My children ( I have 4) my daughter is 4 she was saying complete sentences by your sons age could carry on a complete conversation without missing a beat but my son is just getting there.. I had a nephew who never said his first words till after he was 2... I guess what I am getting at is they are all different they will progress on their own, sounds like you are doing everything, reading, not talking like a baby, these are all things that I did, one thing I do is make sure they say please if they want something I don't care what it is or I will make them say it very nicely with all their words, "mommy can I please have a cup of milk" everytime I handed them something (before they could speak) I would always say "Please Mommy" and then "Thank you" so they new thats what they had to say each and everytime they wanted/needed something, gets them in the habit of using their words and not whining etc. Just know you are the mom, what you feel in your heart is probbly the best... Everyone does things different if the daycare wants to focus so much on him talking maybe you should find a new daycare that will focus on teaching!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hope that helps, Best of luck
C.

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Hi C.,

I am a loving mother of 4. I lost 3 babies at various stages of pregnancy before I was blessed with our first daughter. I understand everything you stated in your request.

I have a Masters Degree in Human Development and Family Life. My instinct and education tell me that you should immediately find a new Daycare that will work with you by putting your child in the appropriate age group and understand that some children do not talk a lot. I know of children who talked only when they felt a need and did not become more vocal until they had something important to say. If your son is understanding you, following directions, and interacts with other children his age without problems cropping up. He is fine. He may just be absorbing a tremendous vocabulary from listening to everyone else. When he wants to make his opinions heard, I bet he will be able to express them with more advanced vocabulary than others of his age.

My biggest concern is how the Daycare employees seem to be punishing your son by holding him back in the infant class. He is not being given the "optimal learning experience" that he should be getting from the daycare.

Look for a program which puts your son's needs ahead of their own unprofessional opinions. Both your son and you will be very happy. I wouldn't worry about his communication skills expecially if your doctor is not having any concerns.

And one more thing, you have not spoiled your chiidren. You have only been a very loving and protective mother. Spoiling a child means that you give your child everything before they even ask for it and do everything for them. To me, you sound like you allow your children to grow and learn for themselves, that you are teaching them responsibilities appropriate for the ages, but are only lavishing them with love.

Believe me, I have done the exact same thing with all four of my children - they are not spoiled but they are also not perfect. I try to allow them to continue to develop at their own pace and provide them with opportunities to feel confident in their progress.

Keep up the great work and find somewhere else to provide a better learning atmosphere for your son. You will be very glad that you did.

Karen

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Tell them to back off! My son will be 2 in early May and he says only a few words. 19 months is too early for much speech at all. My son knows far more than he can actually say, but the words are starting to come quickly now. Before now, he was like you describe your son. The doctor is right. And as far as him being a baby, he is your baby. I have a miracle little girl. She is 5 now, smart as a whip and very independent. I went through the overprotective stage and listening to everybody's opinion. I always did what felt right in my heart despite what others had to say and she's fine. I had to make the choice for her sake to reduce 2 babies during her pregnancy...there was her and a pair of underdeveloped identical twins. I was high risk after that procedure was done and she could've been born at any time. She made it to 39.1 weeks and I protected and loved every little hair on her head! You do what you feel in your heart is right and don't worry about his language skills. Love him to pieces, listen to his doctor and tell the others to stick it! Luck and daily blessings to you.

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Hello Chinetta,

I would definitely say it's the daycare! I wouldn't let them tell you something different from what your pediatrician tells you. They are not doctors, while they may be around a multitude of children everyday, they can't be the one's to say if someone is slower than everyone else, all children develop different. I think it would be a little wierd if every child did everything at the same time, it would be like we gave birth to robots, not children who have their own minds. I don't know what age they are supposed to be in the toddler class at, I never put mine in daycare, too expensive, but I'm sure he's considered a toddler once he starts walking, so for them to keep him in the infant class is rediculous, you have every right to be concerned, and I would say if your son is atleast speaking a little, and responsive and receptive to what your saying to him that he is doing just fine. When my oldest was that age he was just starting to talk, he wasn't like conversing with Albert Einstein, he's 20 months, he's just learning, my 3 year old daughter doesn't talk near as much as some other 3 year olds, but you can tell she's not slow in any way, they all do things at different times, but when the daycare is putting your son with infants, and not children his own age they are hindering his ability to learn and socialize. About the whining, my oldest almost never whined, he was like giving birth to an angel, my middle child on the other hand, that's all he does, my youngest, and only daughter, she throws temper tantrums, the daycare should know that each child is different, I don't down my son at all for whining, I just try to teach him to communicate in other ways, some kids whine, some kids throw tantrums, as a daycare they should be working with the children and teaching them how to communicate, or atleast that's how I feel they should do. If it were me I would definitely start looking for a better daycare, and I would definitely tell that one how I feel, also, you could call your pediatrician with any concerns you may have about his progress, they would be more than happy to talk with you about it, and I'm sure they would probably tell you the same that I have. I hope that this helps, I'm not a doctor or psychologist, (though I was going to school up north for psychology, loved it!!!) but I have three kids and know that you are truly the one who knows how they are doing intellectually, you can't let people who have no medical background tell you things of this nature, nor do they have the right to hold him back from children his own age. You take care, and good luck, let us know how it goes.

Candi :o)

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Coordinated Childcare does free assessments now. They can come to your home or to the daycare. www.childcarepinellas.org