6 answers

In-laws Contributing to Financial Issues

Over a year ago, my husband allowed his father to borrow one of our vehicles. He later expressed his interest in selling the vehicle to his dad, which I was very much against. His father had borrowed money from us and his other children in the past and never paid it back. I was also against it due to the fact that it would leave us (both working full-time and with 4 children) with only one vehicle. His mother expressed her hesitation in buying the vehicle too, probably knowing that it would cause problems, and said that if we decided to sell to them that I should draw up a contract - she wanted to make it "legal." I did draft up a contract, but my husband blew up at me when I showed it to him and told him that his mom had requested it. He said he never made my parents sign a contract for work that he had done for him (even though they always offered to pay for his time) and that his dad would pay for it. Well, now over a year later, when it should have been paid off, they have only made two payments on it. We went ahead and bought another vehicle which forced us to make sacrifices of cutting back on things for our children and us. I continue to remind my husband that they haven't made a payment in over 6 months, but it falls on deaf ears. In the meantime, they have purchased another used vehicle, given extravagent gifts and financial assistance to their other child (who is fully capable of working but chooses not to).

So mamas, I need some advice. What would you do in this situation?

What can I do next?

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In Law questions are so difficult. When I started my business I borrowed $1800 from my son and his wife was against it. I made sure that I returned the money with interest in 3 months instead of the 6 we agreed upon and have never made that mistake again. Obviously the family dynamics between your husband and in laws are such that anything you say will be seen as controlling or nagging. I would chalk it up to a gift but let your husband know you will not agree to helping them in the future no matter what the deal is.
I would give my mother in law anything she needed, but she wouldn't ask for anything and wouldn't take it if she thought it was making things difficult for us. My husband does so much for my mom, but she wouldn't let him if it caused any problems.
I think the dynamics are the key and your fil is a taker without regard to others consequences. Now you know the ground rules so for the future just say no.
K. @ The Nestingplace

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How extremely selfish of your husband's parents to put you in this situation and how spineless(sorry, but true) of your husband for not putting YOUR family first. You are raising 4 children!!! Is your husband aware that the Bible says to leave your father and mother and cleave to your wife when you get married? Maybe the car should be a gift, but I would never give them any more money or anything for that matter and I would for sure confront them and ask why they went back on their word about paying for the car. Also, if you do write it off as a gift, make sure they sign a contract for that because when something goes wrong with it--it'll be your fault:)

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I feel for you, unfortunatley there is nothing you can do. I am in the exaact situation with my hubz and his MOTHER. She wnats everything does not work and expects. There is really no use in reminding him of these things unless you want your hubby to explode and break out into a huge arguement. Thats what happened to me.
Good luck,
T.

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I agree with Kay, call it a "gift" and don't ever loan them money or join in any dealings with them again.

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A friend told me to never lend any money with expectations of getting it back. If you can't afford to give the moeny away (or car, etc.), then you can't afford to lend it either. It's a good policy to follow.

I would also suggest coming up with a budget for the family and sticking to it. Include in the budget, money just for you, money just for him, and the rest for the family. If he wants to loan money out, it should come out of his budget. Not yours or the family's. It saves some of the arguments over money.

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Oh I always hate these types of issues. There's no way out of it without causing hurt feelings and possibly building a rift between your two families...meaning you and your husbands and your husband and his parents.
And really, until your husband will hear it...you can't do anything about it. After that the only solution would be to reposes the car.

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