In-Laws Always Wanting to Spend Time with Our Son

A.,

You have to do what is best for your family . Just because they expect you to come over on the weekends, doesn't mean you have to or you should feel bad. What I would suggest is you set up a time when they can see your son and make it work for you. Such as call them up and say " I know you have been wanting to see_______ and he would love to spend some time with you. What about Thurs at 4 and I could pick him up at 7?" Something to that effect and I am sure they would be more than happy to arrange something. I have dealt with the same thing- them expecting you to bring them over every weekend. If you are the one who initiates it, you will be less resentful because you are in control of the situation. Good luck to you and just remember- you are a new mommy and you have to do whats right for your family- if that means spending time alone with your son on the weekends, then thats what needs to happen. Good luck to you and I hope you have a great day!

M.

As a grandparent, I love spending time with my grandkids when I can. I don't do it every weekend because I do have some business and we too still have a younger daughter and I need to schedule my time accordingly; husband, daughter, son/wife, grandkids, etc.. So, I try to make it, if possible at least once a month and make sure we have some fun! And when, if, they need a break or a babysitter to go out, etc. If I can be avail, I do it as well. I understand that they are a family too and they also need to make some "family" time with their children because it is important. They also should have some family times on weekend in "unity". Hopefully, that also helps a marriage with children. So, try to work out something that can be once a month and explain that you are also a "separate family" unit and you need to spend some family time on weekends with your family, not extended family like sisters, brothers, mothers, mother in laws, fathers, etc.. Just you, hubby and kids! ha. There has to be some compromise. But once in a while, you do appreciate the break. Growing up, I loved having grandparents. I needed a break from my parents too! ha.
Pray on it!

Dear A.,

Avoiding is not the answer. You didn't say how hold your child is, but it sounds like he's a baby?? If this is the case, invite the grandparents over for lunch or dinner (or even dessert)every other weekend or for a while. Accept an invitation to go to their place when you can. (A new grandchild is a blessing to the whole family).

Who takes care of your child when you are working or need a sitter? If the grandparents are capable, it's good for your son and also rewarding for the grandparents.
Are your parents nearby or any other relatives?

You can control the dates and times (unless your husband's parents feel free to drop in at any time). It didn't sound like that was the case. It isn't selfish or impolite to have other plans or need some alone time with just the three of you. You and your husband should sit down and have a sincere talk with the grandparents. No one has to be "the bad guy".

My daughter is the 1st grandchild- on both sides, and both in-laws live in town, so oh boy, do I relate to your "problem". I feel like telling (especially my hyper-sensitive, jealous in-laws) them that it is not shared custody, guys, this is our baby! And there are times where my husband feels like he wants to move out of state away from everybody! I am/was the same way, you just want to spend every single second with your baby! something to keep in mind and to pass on to the in-laws is that as your baby gets older,you will feel more and more inclined for some alone time. Some good advice I recieved that helped was to set up a date at least once a week with each set of grandparents- this is on your terms, when is best for you, and this way the grandparents feel secure that they will see their grandbaby on a regular basis and not need to stress about when they might see him next. Yeah, this can also be a pain and still too much time away from your baby for now, but think of it as a necessary sacrifice. I said it was a "problem" in quotes, because there are really a lot worse situations out there than too many people wanting to love your little one. My daughter loves her grandparents so so much, so even when I am missing her, I know she is having a ball being so spoiled. Something else to be thankful for is that the grandparents are extended teachers and playmates- My baby's grandparents are more inclined to sit with them and teach her to spell and write, they take her to play in the park. Sometimes let's be honest, after working all day, all week, we do not have all the energy to do all these things all the time, and I find that I am grateful for the extra help shaping and teaching my little one!

Just wondering if you work during the week - and if they work during the week. Maybe they can get a week day or weeknight dinner instead? Or Friday evenings and you can have a date night? Good luck. It's a "good" problem - but it is still a problem.